Better As A Memory
by simplyaprillyn
Summary: Your first love is always going to be the best story. It will be the story that you cling onto for the rest of your life and always hold close to your heart. Aubrey Teller never imagined telling her daughters the story of herself and their father quite like this. Jax/OC. AU. *TITLE CHANGE*
1. Chapter 1

_July, 2015_

_Dear Aurora and Harley,_

_For the last fourteen years, I have gotten the everlasting honor of watching you both become strong, beautiful women. You both have blessed me with the priveledge of being your mother. If you take away everything that I have accomplished in my life, the simplest blessing that I have ever gotten is being your mother. I have enjoyed and embraced every moment of it. At nearly 38 years old, I can't even begin to believe that I am writing this to you both. We have been through a lot as a family the past couple of years. There are so many things that I want to tell you guys, but I am unsure of how to do so. I started writing when I was about your age, Aurora and I haven't stopped since. Putting this on paper will give me so much closure for the both of you. I have so much advice that I want to give you guys. As you begin to read this, there will be parts that you might hate me. And that's okay, girls. I wouldn't expect anything else at this point. Let me just first by saying this: love_ _is one of life's most precious gifts. It a simple gift that we get to enjoy as part of being a human. Some people say that "faith, hope, and love" are the greatest things that God could ever give us. They're pretty right when it comes to that. Especially first loves. First loves are my favorite. They're the kind that will always have a special place in your heart. You'll think of the person that you shared all of these memories with and a huge rush of nostalgia will rise over you and grip onto your heart. Even if the story of your first love can be the most heartbreaking, everyone has one. We may not always be inclined to share it, however. For me, I got the simple pleasure of falling in love three times. The most recent time that I had fallen in love happened nearly five years ago when you were born, Harley. As I looked into your bright green eyes for the first time, you had gripped onto my heart. You were my baby. My youngest. Eleven years prior to that, I had given birth to you, Aurora. You were my eldest and looked more like your father than me. I had never been in love like how I was when I held you in my arms for the first time. While it still holds true to this day, I never thought that I had been in love like this before. All I had ever wanted to be in my life was a mother, and I had finally gotten that wish. Long before that though, I met my first love. Although I love you both to pieces, I knew that I was in love with your father from the first moment that we met. All good stories are the same: they have a beginning, a middle, and an end. While you're not sure how any of these will go, I knew how this one would play out. This is the story of an innocent girl and her badass biker boyfriend who somehow managed to love each other more than anyone ever could._

* * *

**_1985_**

Charming, California was a small town that sat in the county of the San Joaquin Valley in the Northern part of the state. It was home to more than 10,000 people—with some folks coming and going simply as they pleased. Charming's name said it all, quite frankly. It was one of the smallest towns in all of California, and one where everyone knew everyone's name—and, business. Gossip made it's way through this town, much like the sound of roaring Harley's on this glorious Saturday afternoon. I was seven the first time I stepped foot in the town that would change the rest of my life. Moving was something that I was used to. And, quite frankly, I didn't mind it much anymore. My father worked as a news anchor so he was always being re-located to new cities to help bring their stations back to life.

We had managed to move eight times in the past three years. My mom never bothered to look for a job because she knew as soon as she was involved in a career that she enjoyed, we would have to pack up our current life and move onto a new one. And, personally, I didn't bother making too many friends because, well it was the 80s and I was never going to keep in contact with them once I moved anyway.

My family and I arrived in Charming on June 19th. It was a date that I would remember for the rest of my life. We had just moved from Dallas, Texas which was one of the most beautiful places that I have ever had the opportunity to live in. We knew it was "home" as soon as soon as my dad's Chevy pulled into our new elongated driveway. My seventeen year old brother, Colton, soon followed in pursuit with his Nissan. The U-Haul truck was being driven by my twenty year old sister-in-law, Alyssa with my brother, twenty-one year old Braison as her passenger.

My dad stepped out of the car first. He stretched, and following that was a loud and obnoxious yawn. "Alright, guys! Let's get to work!"

Amongst my brothers, you could hear moans and groans. We hated unpacking. It was the utmost, grueling part about moving.

"Aubrey, sweetie, wake up," my mom came into the backseat to retrieve me. I was faking being asleep, thinking this would get me out of unloading things off of the U-Haul truck. I was the smallest out of everyone and never a big help anyway. She confiscated the teddy bear that I was holding out of hands, as I rubbed my green eyes. "We have to unpack, baby girl."

"No," I told her, as I let out a small yawn and began to throw a bit of a hissy fit.

My mom laughed. "We'll be done in no time, I promise."

"Awe! There's my angel," Colton exclaimed, as he stuck his head into the backseat. I unbuckled my seat belt. He picked me up and set me on his broad shoulders.

"Colton, she's 7, not 4," my mom reminded him. Colton shrugged as we made our way up to the top step of our sandstone porch. The 'SOLD' sign was still placed in the front yard. My dad dug for the new set of house keys in the pocket of his sweat pants, and opened up the door. The inside of the house was absolutely gorgeous. 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a huge kitchen with a dining room in tow, a living room, attic, sunroom and basement. Connected to the kitchen were a pair of sliding glass doors, which led outside to the deck, pool, and patio. This was much nicer than our house in Texas. Being seven though, all I could think about was getting lost in here.

As my brothers and sister took a tour around the house, I plopped myself right on the hardwood floor of the living room.

"So, it needs some work I would say. A little bit of the Springsteen touch," my dad chuckled, as he wrapped my mom in his arms. "But we can do this, right?"

"It's only the eighth time, right?" my mom said displeasingly.

My dad chuckled, then wrapped my mom in his arms. "We're staying here, for a long time honey. I promise you. Charming is our new home."

"Are you sure?"

My dad kissed her softly on the lips. "I'm sure. Welcome home, honey."


	2. Chapter 2

Later that afternoon, we'd really started getting down to the rigorous task of unloading the U-Haul truck. My dad had just finished placing a small table lamp into my hands as the forceful click-clack of heels made their way up to the top of the driveway.

"Hello," my father was the first one to turn around and face the woman, as we heard the sound of her voice. She stood about 5'8 or so in her black, high heel boots. She had a very tan complexion to her face. Her face looked tired, worn, and made her almost look much older than she was. Absolutely stunning. She wore a black leather jacket paired with denim jeans and a white tank top. A tattoo of what appeared to be a crow sat just above her right breast. She had dark black hair with straight bangs, which were curled under and sat straight across her forehead. In her arms, she swaddled a baby, wrapped in a sky blue blanket. On her right arm must have been her husband. He was 6'0, give or take. He, like his wife, had dark black hair—his wasn't much shorter than hers was. He had some scruff on his chin and above his lip. He wore a black leather kutte over his white t-shirt. Unlike her leather attire, his stood out. On the left side sat two patches—one that read 'President' and one that read 'First 9'. On the right hand side was a patch that read 'Redwood Original'. None of these, at this moment in time were of importance to me, so I shrugged it off and just thought they looked really cool. The cut and t-shirt were paired with a pair of leather pants and boots. In front of the man stood a boy that looked to be about my age. He had short, bleach blonde hair and dark blue eyes, with a widespread smile across his face. "I'm Gemma Teller. This is my husband John and our sons Thomas and Jackson," the woman said, as she introduced her family to us.

"Dennis," my dad was the first to stick his hand out. John took the offer right away and shook it back. "This is my wife Sarah, and our daughter Aubrey. The tall brunette boy is Colton and the blonde is Braison," my father explained.

"Nice to meet you folks," John told us.

"We just wanted to pop over and introduce ourselves, seeing as how you guys are new to the neighborhood," Gemma explained.

"We appreciate it," my mom told her. "It's nice to meet you guys,"

"We live right next door!" the little boy spoke up.

"Is that right? Looks like you'll have someone to play with, Aubs," my mom chuckled.

"Maybe the kids could have a play date tonight. You'll have to take a break and eat eventually, too. We're cooking a huge pasta dinner tonight and would love to have you guys,"

"That's very sweet, but we wouldn't want to intrude," my dad told John.

"You're fine, sweetheart believe me. The more the merrier," John smiled at him. I loved John. His personality and the way he spoke to people made me think that they at least had some respect. His attitude towards us was a lot better than Gemma's.

"Sure," my dad shrugged his shoulders and looked at my mom.

"Great, so I'll see you guys around 7:30 or so?" Gemma replied.

"Sounds great! See you guys then," my mom said, as the Teller family began to make their way down the driveway.

"Welcome to the neighborhood," Gemma said in a condescending tone, as she cocked her head back around to have the final words of the conversation.

* * *

Around 7:30, we began to make our way down to our next door neighbor's house. It was a short walk, and when we reached the head of the driveway, we weren't too surprised at what we saw. A group of Harley Davidson Motorcycles lined the driveway. They were some of the most beautiful bikes I'd ever seen in my entire seven years of life. Braison and Colton were both into bikes. They had gotten their license's a few years ago but didn't own a bike. Neither of them really had the money to purchase a Harley.

"Holy shit. These bikes are gorgeous," I was waiting for one of them to open up their mouths and say this sentence.

"Baby," Braison started. "As soon as we get settled here, we're getting a bike."

"How about we get a house first?" Alyssa smiled at him.

"Fine. House, then bike," Alyssa rolled her eyes and abruptly grabbed onto his arm. We made our way up their front steps to the front door. My mom took charge in ringing the doorbell and of course, Gemma answered.

"Hey guys, come on in."

My mom handed her the aluminum foil pan that sat in her hands.

"Sarah, you didn't have to make anything."

"Nonsense. It would have been rude of me not to bring anything," my mom smiled at her. My mom was usually really good about cooking, and not coming empty-handed over other people's houses. "Even if it was made by the local pizza shop," Gemma smiled at her humor as we all piled into the living room.

"Those are some beautiful bikes you have outside, ma'am," Colton spoke up.

Gemma rolled her eyes. "They're my husband's and his friends," she heard the clinging of shot glasses come together and a loud roar of laughter. "The guys are in the dining room if you want to go tell them yourselves. You know, about the bikes,"

Colton and Braison smiled and made their way into the dining room. "Dennis, Alyssa and Sarah, you guys can come with me into there too to meet everyone," Gemma said, as my mom, dad and Alyssa began to follow her. The guys were in the dining room throwing back a few beers and maybe smoking a cigar or two while my mom, dad and Alyssa were finishing up making dinner. And, I was about to be stuck in here with some stupid boy.

"Aubrey, stay in the living room, okay baby?" my mom asked me, kissing my forehead. I nodded my head and took a seat on the crème colored carpeting. Jackson sat on the couch, completely glued to the television. Peter Pan was on, and as much as I loved this movie, I was bored with the fact that I was over here without anything to do. I began playing with the French braid going down to back of my brunette hair.

"You can sit on the couch, you know. I don't have cooties," he told me, as he took his eyes off the television. Without a word, I moved myself up to the last cushion of their brown leather sofa. Jackson sat on the first one.

"What's your name?" he asked me, without taking his eyes off of the television.

"Aubrey Nevaeh Springsteen. What's yours?"

"Jackson Nathaniel Teller. But everyone calls me Jax."

"Oh, okay," I said, unimpressed with the little boy's nickname.

"How old are you?" he asked me.

"Seven," I said.

"Me too!" he told me.

"Do you like Peter Pan?" I asked him.

"It's my favorite movie _ever_!" he said gleefully. "What's yours?"

"Beauty and The Beast," I started. "I was Belle for Halloween last year," I sat up straight.

"Yuck! That's a girl movie!" Jax said.

"And Peter Pan is a dumb boy movie!" I told him, as I turned my body away from his. My back was now facing the front part of his body as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You're really pretty," Jax told me, as he let out a small giggle.

"Thanks. You're very handsome," I told him. I turned back around and faced him. Uncrossing my arms, I smiled right at that boy and looked deep into his blue eyes.

"We can watch Beauty and the Beast next, okay Bre?" "My best friend Opie couldn't come tonight because he was sick, so I think it's okay that we watch that," No one had ever called me Bre before. Up until that point, I'd either been known as Aubs or my full name. It was a nice change.

"Okay Jax. Thank you," I told him. I think that was the exact day that I knew I could never leave Charming. I could never leave Jax.


	3. Chapter 3

**_August, 1992_**

That summer, like many others that Jax and I had experienced together flew by. We finished off the rest of elementary school, then middle school together. Braison and Colton had both moved out and on with their lives. Braison and Alyssa became parents to a beautiful baby boy in December of 1988. Almost a year later, Jax experienced the first of many tragedies in his life. He lost his brother, Thomas. He was six years old.

It was sudden—very slow, dragging on for three gruesome days. He had been sick for awhile now but all of a sudden, it just took a turn for the worst. It was caused by the same congenital heart condition that both Gemma and Jax have. Gemma felt at fault everyday—John just wanted to get the hell away from it all. We'd been seeing a lot less of him these past two years. Clay had begun helping Gemma out a lot with taking care of Jax. He wasn't John, but he was the closest thing that Jax had to a dad right now. He and Gemma had both opened up their home and lives to my brothers and I. They even gave my brothers the same looking leather kuttes—which was rather nice of them. On the back read "Sons of Anarchy California" with the emblem of a grim reaper. We weren't allowed to know much more other than the fact that it was just a club, with a great set of guys who loved to drink, smoke, and ride their Harley's. I guess that was one of the things that sucked about being fourteen years old: you didn't know anything about stuff you shouldn't know about.

And, Jax and I? We'd been through everything together. I loved that boy with all of my heart, and were essentially best friends. The guys in the club, mostly Tig, but sometimes Bobby, too—called me Jax's old lady. I didn't know what that meant either, so I didn't know whether to think it was good or bad. A lot of the times I shrugged it off, because I knew they were just teasing me. Nothing was ever going to come between Jax and I. We were inseparable.

"I don't understand how the hell I got stuck chauffeuring you guys to school," it was our first day at Charming High: a moment that we'd waited all last year for. One of JT's best friends and first 9 members of their club, Piney, was given the task of taking his son Opie, Jax and myself all the way on the other side of town. Opie had become one of our good friends. He had always been Jax's best guy friend. It didn't bother me much. We were the Three Musketeers. We did everything together.

"We appreciate it, Piney," I told him, as he pulled into the parking lot of the school.

"We'll be driving soon," Opie told his dad.

"Not soon enough," Piney joked, as we all piled out of the car.

"Are you guys walking home afterwards?"

"Sure," Jax told him after Opie glanced his way.

"Alright. I'll see you guys back at the clubhouse after school. Have fun in hell, kids," Piney began to make his way out of the parking lot, as we looked up at the four story building. The only thing I had to look forward to after school was over was going to Teller-Morrow towing. Gemma "watched" me after school until around 6 or so, when my mom got off of work. My mom didn't like me being in the house by myself, although I was a teenager. She'd started working full time at St. Thomas Hospital as a pharmaceutical representative. I loved going there, because I got to see all of the guys, including my brothers.

"Let's just get this fucking day over with, okay?" Jax said under his breath.

"I haven't even stepped in yet and I already want a smoke," Opie replied.

We all sighed, as we began the dreadful walk to what would be our becon-call for the next four years. All incoming freshman were instructed to go to the cafeteria to pick up their schedules. There were tables with the first letters of our last names printed on them. We grabbed them from the teachers working the tables, amidst all of the "Welcome to Charming High!" smiles and chants coming from each of them. OP, Jax and I compared our schedules side by side. We were all in the same homeroom, meaning there probably weren't that many kids in our freshman class, since our last names were pretty far apart from one-another. Then, we had algebra I, world history, and English together 2nd through 4th period. Opie and Jax then had introduction to mechanical engineering, physical science, then Spanish I. I had choir I, Latin, then physical science. I'd always done really well in school, so I was excited for my classes this year unlike the guys.

The bell let out it's chorus of obnoxious rings as we made our way to room 202 for homeroom. As we all piled in and took a seat, the teacher introduced himself as Mr. Sveck, making sure to write it on the board so that we didn't forget. OP sat in front of me, with Jax on my right side. Opie was 6'1 and a half and had real long, dirty blonde hair. I couldn't see anything unless I cocked my head to the side. This was a good thing though because Mr. Sveck resembled an older Bob Saget. I didn't mind not being able to see him.

Under his name, he wrote the number 30. I was confused, to say the least until he cleared his throat. "Welcome, class of 1996 to your first day of freshman year," our homeroom was soon filled with hollering and screaming, with some people even chanting '96, 96!' out loud. He let the commotion settle down, before speaking again. "My name is Mr. Sveck and this year we will be taking this educational journey together with me as your pilot,"

Opie let out a small chuckle. "In order to graduate from Charming High School, you need 30 credits,"

"Holy shit," I said under my breath, making sure he didn't hear me. I never realized that you had to obtain so many credits just to get a simple piece of paper.

"The state of California, by law says that you must complete 4 credits of math, science, English and history, followed by 2 credits of foreign language and career path classes, 6 elective credits, a freshman and senior seminar class, and one gym and one health credit," the class was quiet after this. We didn't know what to say. They never told any of us this last year. "Your classes switch off every semester, except for your core classes. The classes go for 80 minutes each, except homeroom and lunch, which are both a total of 30 minutes," he kept rambling on and on about shit that we really didn't care to know about. "You must be here every day. Attendance is an important thing to learn. Time management will become your best friend. Learn how to manage the time that you have outside of school. The world is changing and soon, you really won't be able to do anything without a high school diploma,"

"Blow me," Jackson said in a whisper tone.

"What was that?" Mr. Svek asked. Come on Jackson. You can't get suspended on the first day.

"Nothing, sir," Jackson chimed in.

Sveck continued on with his lecture and shrugged the comment off. "How many of you are planning on going to college?"

I raised my hand, and so did half of my homeroom class. I glared at Jax when he raised his. "What? I'm feeling Harvard might be in my cards," he told us, and let out a small laugh. Smart-ass. "You think you'll have homework tonight?" Jax asked me, as Svecky kept rambling on about college.

"Fuck, I hope not,"

"We should hang out at my place after we get back from the club house. Maybe we could rent a movie or something?"

I nodded my head. "Sure. That sounds good,"

"You want to invite Opie?" I asked, discretely pointing at the back of his gray zip-up hoodie.

"No. I really would just rather it be me and you," for some reason, when Jax said this, l felt different than I ever had. I just shrugged the feeling off.

"I'll have Gemma drive us to the video store on our way home," he whispered.

"Okay," I replied back. This was going to be a long year. And, I was nowhere near ready for it.

* * *

School seemed to drag on at a dreadful pace that day. I met up with the boys in the courtyard following the dismissal bell. It felt good to finally see sunlight and grass for the first time in nearly 8 hours. Opie opened up his pack of Marlboro's as Jax and he both took one as we made our way off of the school grounds. Jax grabbed his lighter from the pocket of his jeans, and Opie offered me a cigarette. I quickly turned it down.

"You know I don't smoke," I told both of them, as we began our walk to Teller-Morrow towing garage.

"Have you ever even tried a cigarette? Just one little drag?" Opie asked me, as we crossed the street.

"No and I really don't want to. They smell like...I don't know, dirt," I replied.

"Dirt?" Jax laughed. "Well, if this it what dirt tastes like, then it tastes pretty damn good," he replied.

"Yeah, I'll bet. There's rat poison in there too," I told them. "Bet that tastes real good," I replied.

"Sure does," Opie said, as he took another long drag off of his cigarette. It was weird. There was this awkward silence amongst us which normally never happens. The walk was about forty five minutes long and I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when we approached TM. It was packed, as usual. Summer was always their busiest season. A lot of people were in getting their bikes and vehicles worked on. We greeted everyone that was working and hanging out outside. It was too muggy to stick around for long, so we soon made our way into the main entrance of the building, better know as the Son's of Anarchy clubhouse. Tig, Bobby and Clay all sat at the bar, laughing and talking per usual.

"Hey nerds, how was school?" Tig asked us, as I made my round with hugs and the infamous kisses on the cheeks from the guys.

"Boring as hell," Jax said, throwing his school bag down on the couch. "Anyone heard from my dad?"

"No. Sorry," Clay told him, taking a sip of his Miller Lite.

I could see the disappointment in his eyes as I took a seat next to him. Gemma soon joined us, and asked us the same question about school.

"Fine," was all Jax had to say. "I'm gonna go on a walk. I'll be back,"

"Jax, you just had a long day at school. Why don't you relax for a little bit before you go out again?" Gemma asked him.

"Just want some alone time," he replied.

I knew exactly where Jax was going as he made his way out of the front entrance. "I'll go check on him," I replied, looking at Gemma. I knew exactly where he was going and out of habit, I had to make sure that he was okay.

* * *

Charming Cemetery was a mile away on foot. Although I'd been here just about a million times to see Thomas, each one was more painful than the next.

"You didn't have to follow me here,"

"Yes I did," I told him, as I sat down in the grass next to Thomas' headstone. The grass was still a little damp from the sprinklers that were ran earlier that afternoon. Jax grabbed onto my hand, as we said a small prayer. Jackson Teller wasn't really a man of God, but when it came down to his family, he would do anything to protect and pray for them.

"I miss you so much, bro," was all that he could manage to say, before letting tears fall from his eyes. I could tell that this was hard for him. It's been almost two years since his passing. Thomas always hung out with Jax, OP, and I when we were much younger. We found it annoying sometimes, him being the little brother and all. But now, I would give anything to have him back.

I didn't know what to say or what to do as I let the tears fall from my face as well. I inched closer to him and began to rub his back for comfort. "Do you remember the night we all stayed at the clubhouse? It was Christmas Eve and it just snowed one of the worst blizzards that California had ever seen," I started, as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

Jackson wiped the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hands. "Yeah,"

"Your dad was drinking Jack Daniels out of one of the big mason jars and Thomas was sitting on his lap. Clay was just joking with him and told Thomas that it was soda and he took the biggest gulp,"

He laughed louder than I'd heard him laugh all day. "Yeah. Oh man, I remember that night,"

"I know you miss him. And, I know you miss your dad. But everything will return back to normal once he comes home. You'll see,"

"Bre," he started.

I sighed, as he gripped my hand tighter. "I know," We were silent for a few more moments. I just let him cry. "Thank you," was all he managed to say after that. After he couldn't cry anymore, he managed to say thank you again.

"Anytime," I said. He helped me up, and grabbed my hand again. This time, it wasn't for comfort. I'm not too sure what it was for. But the feeling sent a shock through my entire body and I couldn't bring myself to let go of his grip.

* * *

"One movie guys. That's it, okay? I'm not getting yelled at by Dennis for not having his daughter home in time," Gemma said. After dinner was over, she reluctantly drove us to the nearest video store.

"You can pick, Bre," Jax said, as he gripped onto my hand again. Twice in one day? Huh.

"Um, okay," I replied. I made my way over to the new releases. As long as I didn't have to watch Die Hard for the 200th time, I was open to pretty much any movie in the store. I saw one that caught my eye. George Strait was on the front cover. My dad was from the south and country music was a huge staple in my house. I couldn't pass up this movie.

"Bre," was all Jax could say before looking right into my hazel eyes.

"What?" I smiled at him.

"I mean, I guess," he told me.

"See, this is why you shouldn't let me pick the movie," I said. He gripped my hand tighter, as we made our way back over by Gemma. She had an old 80's movie picked out and could only roll her eyes at the movie that we had chosen. "Jax must really like you, Aubs. He's letting you pick out the movie and you picked a chick flick. Don't let him go soft on me," she said.

Jax picked up a box of Goobers and I stuck to Buncha Crunch. We threw our candy up on the counter, along with the movies.

"Date night?" the cashier asked us, as we made our way over by the exit. Gemma looked over only to see that her son's hand was intertwined in mine.

"I think so," Gemma replied, as she grabbed her wallet and paid for our items. The cashier explained the return policy to us and we made our way out of the store. "You know, you better keep your hands to yourself. Wouldn't want people to think you were dating," Jax looked at his mom and quickly took our hands apart from one-another, his face too red to do anything else.

Gemma, Jackson and I were settled back at the house in a matter of minutes. Gemma stuck Jackson and I on the couch in the living room, while her and Clay watched their movie upstairs. Clay needed a place to crash for the night and Gemma told us that she owed him big time for the help that he's been around the house. The living room was fine with me. Jax and I had a history of movie watching in here. The VHS player was set up. Glasses of Pepsi, a bowl of popcorn, and the boxes of candy were laid out on the coffee table in front of us. It seemed like any normal Teller movie night to me. Gemma gave us each an old comforter from the linen closet. I'd changed out of my school attire and into a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. As the opening song of the movie started, Jax rolled his eyes. I was seated on the last seat of the couch, with him on the first. "Come sit by me," he had a sort of puppy dog look about his persona right now. Don't do this to me, dude. Please don't.

I managed to scoot closer to him. He yawned and put his arm around me. "Smooth move, Teller,"

"Thanks. I try," he told me.

I chuckled, as he pulled me closer to his chest. Chills started coming down my spine, and butterflies danced throughout my stomach.

The movie drug on for a mere two hours or so. I was astounded at how into it Jax was—the smart comments he was making to the TV screen, laughing at the jokes in the movie, even singing along to some of the songs. When the final song came on, I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. This song did strike a chord with me. It pulled on my heart strings. I think Jax noticed, too. He turned to me, and said "You know, if we were dating and were one of those cheesy couples, I would say that this was our song,"

"Oh, yeah?" I asked him. "What else would you say?"

"I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't have to. I'd let the song take its course so that I could do this," he replied, as he leaned into me.

"Jax," were the last words I managed to put into the conversation.

"Hold still," he began to lean in closer as his eyes closed. Mine did, too. I knew exactly what was coming next. This would be our first kiss. The kiss that I would remember for the rest of my life. The kiss that I would one day tell my children about. The most important kiss next to my first kiss as a bride that I would ever experience. And, it was with Jackson Nathaniel Teller; the guy that I had dreamed about kissing for years. I'm not ashamed to admit it whatsoever. However, I am ashamed to admit the next thing that we heard, as soon as our lips were about to touch.

"Your movie over?" Clay asked us. Come on, dude. Really? He looked at us with a grin on his face.

"Uh, yeah. It just ended," Jax said, shutting the TV off.

"Was it good?" Clay asked, still with that stupid grin on his face.

"Yeah. It was good,"

He cleared his throat. "Your mom wanted me to come down and tell you to walk Aubrey home,"

"Alright," Jackson threw the comforter off of himself, dragging mine along with it.

"Night, Clay. Tell Gemma thanks for having me over,"

"No problem," Clay said, as we began to make our way out the door. "Night, sweetheart,"

Jackson and I were silent until we reached my porch.

"Let's just drop what went on tonight, okay?" he said, as he shuffled his feet. "I'm so sorry,"

I nodded my head in complete silence as he stepped down and walked back home. How could I just drop something like that?

"How was movie night?" my mom asked, as she looked up from the book she was reading. It was just past 10 o'clock. I wasn't used to being home this earlier.

"It was fine. I have some homework and I'm probably gonna watch dad do the news so I'm gonna head up to bed," I said, making my way over to the recliner. I gave my mom a kiss on her forehead.

"Night baby," she told me.

"Night," I replied back.

I stomped all the way up the winding staircase that led to my room on the second floor. It was on the right hand side across the hall from the master bedroom. I shut the main light off and turned my side table lamp on. I crawled under my comforter and shut the lamp off as soon as I was settled into bed. I couldn't help but play today over and over again in my head. How could I be such an idiot? I pulled my blanket closer to my chest and attempted to shut my eyes. It didn't work out too well. All I kept seeing was Jax moving closer to me, attempting to kiss my lips but never getting the chance to. The image soon disappeared and I began to drift off to sleep. It didn't take long to wake back up though, as soon as I heard my bay window open up. Jackson was soon standing beside my bed. I couldn't help but be a little frightened.

"Holy shit. What in the hell are you doing here?!" I exclaimed, getting up from under my covers. We were soon only an inch apart. "My mom is going to kill you if she finds out you are here," I told him. He grabbed my face, I shut my eyes, and he shut his. Soon, our lips were making perfect clockwork with one-another. We pulled away when we both felt that it was right.

"Wow...Jax, I,"

"I felt rude for not saying good night to you. I'm sorry. Goodnight, Aubrey," he started. "I'll see you in the morning,"

I couldn't even grasp a hold of any words right now. All I could do was smile and show off a dorky grin. "Good night, Teller," I told him, as he began to make his way out of my room. I laid back down in my bed and touched my fingers to my lips.


	4. Chapter 4

I was in such a deep sleep the following morning that when my alarm clock sounded off, I had no desire to get out of bed. It was nearly 6:30 as I made my way down the hall and into the bathroom. I grabbed a towel from the wooden cabinet next to the bathroom door, got undressed, and hopped in the shower. The hot water hitting my face was just enough to wake me up from one of the best dreams that I'd had in a long time. My best friend, Jackson Teller had actually taken the plunge and kissed me. It wasn't the first time that it had happened. Being friends for so long you're bound to accidentally kiss someone when you're just a child. Although I was still a child, it was a real kiss. It actually meant something this time. I couldn't fathom it.

I let the thoughts in my head run wild as I finished up getting ready for the day. It was another muggy and miserable day here in Northern California, so I tried to make a simple outfit work. I had managed to throw on a pair of ripped up jeans, a faded navy-blue v-neck, and flip flops. I threw my messy, brunette hair into a high pony tail and teased it a bit to make my natural curls fall in their place. I rummaged through my room in hopes to find some sort of makeup to put on, but no luck.

I had never really been big on wearing makeup. I was never taught how to put it on, because I was always looked at as "one of the guys." But today...today was different. Today was the day that I wanted to impress Jax with the clothes that I was wearing and how well I could make myself up. 7:15 was drawing closer, and I didn't have much time to spare. I made my way into the bathroom and stumbled across my mom's makeup stash. I unzipped the cosemetic bag and didn't really know where to begin or what to do, exactly.

I opened up the pink and green tube first. I knew that it was mascara and that it went on your eyelashes but, how? I held the brush up to my lashes, keeping one eye closed. I began to blink into the brush. It didn't enhance them by much. I repeated the action on the other set of lashes, and moved onto my mom's infamous pink lipstick. I smothered the pale pink shade all over my top and bottom lip, then blotted them with the nearest tissue that I could find. Upon finishing, I shrugged at my outfit in the mirror. It was good enough, I guess. I grabbed my school-bag from my room after finishing up in the bathroom and flew down the stairs, just as Gemma's car horn blared in my driveway.

I was silent as I piled into the back of Gemma's car. The first 'morning' that I got was from Jax, as Gemma began backing out of the driveway.

"Good morning," I said back to him, as he smiled at me.

"What kid did you let draw on your face, B?"

I was appalled at Gemma after this comment slipped between her lips. "Excuse me?" I asked her, regretting the words that came out of my mouth. "What do you mean?"

"You heard me, sweetie," Gemma said back. Gemma Teller was known for making smart-ass comments, but never towards me. I felt insulted.

I swallowed hard. "I felt like doing something different with how I looked today."

"Yeah? Well, you'd look a lot better without all that clown shit on your face," Gemma told me.

I sighed. Opie glared at me. He knew what was going on.

"You look fine, Bre," Jax told me, as he flashed me one of his smiles.

"Thanks," I replied.

* * *

I loved that I had choir in almost the middle of the day. It was my time to relax without the guys, and I did it by taking a class that I thoroughly enjoyed.

"Okay, class. Who can tell me what the dynamic MF means?" our choir teacher, Mrs. Hilliard asked us.

Majority of the class sat still as she called on the girl that sat next to me. She was overly-tanned, had bleach blonde hair, and a very slim figure. She sat on her spot on the risers with her arms folded across the chest of her teal hoodie. "Me?"

"Yes, you...uh...sorry, it's only the second day of class. I'm still trying to learn everyone's name."

"Brantli," she replied. Her thick, Boston accent stuck to each word that escaped her mouth.

"Thank you, Ms. Brantli," our teacher gave her a slight grin. "What does it mean?"

"It's short for mezzo-forte. It means moderately loud, in terms of music."

"That's correct. Nice job, Brantli."

"No problem," she replied, turning back to her present stance of crossing her arms.

"Alright everyone. I wanted to take the rest of class to pass around sheet music for our first couple of songs. We have our Christmas concert coming up in December, so I wanted to get a head start on learning and perfecting them now so that they're a breeze to go through in a couple of months. These are songs that you hopefully will recognize."

"It's August," I caught Brantli saying under her breath.

"So?" I replied.

"What?" Brantli asked. "I'm sorry, was I talking to you?"

"No, I just happened to overhear, I'm sorry."

"Maybe you should mind your own damn business," she started. "Maybe then you'll hear a lot better," she thrusted the sheet music at me. Mrs. Hilliard began to play the beginning notes of the song on the piano. It was _"Jingle Bell Rock"_, a personal favorite of mine.

"I'm sorry," I heard the girl whisper to me. "I didn't mean to go off on you like that. I don't even know you."

"It's cool, really," I replied.

"I just moved here. It's really hard to fit in, and I keep thinking that if I make these smart ass comments to people under my breath someone will laugh and find me funny and maybe want to have something to do with me," she whispered. "You seemed nice. I hope my bitchiness didn't effect you."

"Nah, I started. "I was new here too, once upon a time. I'm Aubrey."

"Brantli. Nice to meet you," she said. "I've seen you around a couple of times. We have homeroom and Latin together. You hangout with Jax Teller, right?"

"Yeah," I said, as I began to dry swallow. "He's my best friend."

"He seems like a cool dude. My dad got his car serviced at his family's shop the other day. His guy friend is really cute."

"Opie?" I asked her.

"Stop. That's not his name."

I chuckled. "Yes it is," Well, it was his nick name, at least.

"Such a turnoff," she replied, as the class kept singing the Christmas carol in the background.

"You should hangout with us after school, if you're not up to anything. It's Tuesday so we normally stop at T's for half priced burgers."

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good," she replied, as we turned back to singing.

* * *

"You know the drill guys," Becky, the hostess told Brantli and I, as we made our way in through the small glass doors. "Seat yourselves," We had been coming to T's diner since I was younger. It was a very quaint 24 hour mom and pop place that sat almost in the middle of town. It was set up like a 50's style diner complete with the black and white tile flooring and the tacky red leather boothes. T's was never really that packed except for the regulars and most of the locals that stopped in every once in a great while. They had a phenomenal staff, fast service, and one of the best burgers in all of Northern California. The atmosphere felt very comforting to me, especially on a day that seemed so out of the ordinary.

Loretta was our waitress, like always and she made uher way over to the table with three Pepsi's in tow. "Oh, Lord. What'd you guys do? Rope another one in?"

"We sure did," I chuckled. "This is my friend, Brantli. She's new to town."

"Nice to meet you sweetie. Welcome to T's. My name is Loretta. I've been waiting on Aubrey and the boys since you guys were what, seven? Eight?"

"Something like that," I chuckled. "Loretta is the best."

"Oh sweetie," she told me, as she made a motion with her hand and put the available one on the hip of her apron. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Do you guys have milkshakes?" she asked.

"We do. What kind would you like?"

"Chocolate sounds good."

"Ooh, make that two please Loretta. That actually sounds really good."

"No problem ladies. You waiting on the boys?"

"Yeah, they had to head back home for something. They should be here soon."

"I'll put their usuals in for them. Is that what you're sticking to as well?"

"Yes please," I chirped up. "Want to just give my order a try?"

"Yeah, that's cool," Brantli said. "I'll have the same as Aubs."

"You got it girls. Lemme know if you need anything," she said, before making her way to the back of the house to let the cooks know about the orders that we're going in.

"Where are they at?" she asked.

"I have no clue," I said, as I shrugged my shoulders. "They're normally here by now."

"Oh no it's okay I was just wondering," she began.

"So, where are you from?" I asked her, taking a sip of one of the un-touched sodas in the middle of the table.

"Boston, Massachusetts," she smiled at me. "You can't tell?"

"Not really," I told her. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. My dad wanted a new adventure, so he decided to move us to Northern California. He's going through some sort of mid-life crisis, I don't know. But, he sold our house on a whim and we were packed up and moved halfway across the country in a matter of days."

"That's gotta be tough," I started. "What's your mom think about it?"

"My mom actually passed away early last," she started. I gave her a sympathetic look. "She had ovarian cancer and suffered for a couple of years because of it. She's in a much better place now, I promise," she said, in a re-assuring voice.

"That's still tough," I replied.

"What are your folks like?"

"Normal, I guess," I started. "My mom works at the hospital and my dad is the nightly news anchor,"

"That's pretty cool," she told me.

"Yeah, they've been married for almost thirty years now. It's been rocky. They fight a little bit but it's not constant, ya know?"

"No, I understand," she replied, as we saw two familiar faces make their way into the diner.

"Well there you are," I told them as they joined us at our normal booth.

"Sorry. They needed us back at the clubhouse for a little bit."

"We got your food orders in for you," I replied.

"Mushroom Swiss burger with extra onions, right?" Opie asked me.

I nodded my head in reply. "Of course."

"Whose this?" Jackson asked me without hesitation.

"This is my friend, Brantli. Brantli, this is Jax Teller and Opie Winston."

"Nice to meet you guys," she said.

"Nice accent," Opie smiled at her as Brantli blushed.

"Boston?" Jax asked.

"Yeah. Born and raised," she replied. "I just moved here. Dad shit going on. That's all."

"I know all about dad shit," Jax laughed, as he reached under the table. He placed his hand on my knee. This was new. Really new. "Mines off 'finding himself' in Belfast. Haven't seen him for a year,"

"Wow, dude that's insane," Brantli said. "Sounds rough."

"It is, but. What can you do. You know?"

We had continued to mingle and find out a little more about our new friend. Our burgers, fries, and milkshakes had finally arrived and when we were eating, the entire table was quiet.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Opie said, as he raised his glass. Jax, Brantli, and I followed his lead. "To friendship. May it be the realest thing that any of us ever have," We clung our glasses together, and continued feasting away. I looked around the table, and couldn't be a happier girl right now. Everything was good. Really, really good. I wish, with all of my heart that it could just stay like this, in this moment, forever. But, we all know life doesn't work like that. This friendship was about to endure some serious shit.


	5. Chapter 5

**_October,1992_**

"Good morning, Charming High School! It's Friday, October 17th. You know what that means, right fellow Warriors? There's only one week left until homecoming! The dance will take place in the gymnasium next Saturday, October 25th from 7 to 11. Tickets will go on sale next Monday, October 20th and will available to purchase during your lunchtimes. Spirit week kicks off next Monday and you will receive the theme sheets in your homeroom today. Please dress accordingly. Don't forget, the big game is next Friday night where your Warriors will take on our rivals, San Joaquin County Chargers. Come out and cheer them on and show your school spirit! Now, here's Luke with a brief sports update,"

"Alright students," Mr. Sveck spoke up. "I'm passing around the theme sheets now. I urge you all to participate. It may seem silly, but it is actually a lot of fun. You're only a freshman once,"

"Are you guys going to homecoming?" I asked, my question directed more towards Jax. It had been a couple of months since we started school. It was off to a slow start. We had finally reached the halfway part of the semester, and I couldn't be happier. The constant homework and tests were grueling, but for the most part things seemed to be okay. Brantli was starting to get more comfortable in her hometown. Her and Opie were inseparable. They had begun hanging out more and more outside of our group, giving Jax and I plenty opportunities to hangout on our own, too. Not that we were doing much of it. He was always busy running errands and helping the guys out with the club since his dad wasn't coming home for a few more months. The guys had put Clay in charge of everything and even considered making him president when John finally got the courage to come home. If, you know he ever came home.

"I wasn't planning on it," Jax said. "Why, are you going?"

I really wasn't planning on it, either. I wasn't one for getting dolled up and dancing. But this was my first homecoming. And you only really have one first homecoming. "I don't know. Maybe?" I said, my statement sounding more like a question on my own behalf. "How about you, OP? Are you going to ask Brantli?"

"Probably not. I really don't want to go. I think it's gonna be lame,"

"Amen to that, brother,"

"You don't know that," I said. "It could be fun,"

"There's no point. You get dressed up for three hours to dance in front of a bunch of idiots, not to forget you make yourself look like an idiot,"

"I mean, I guess," I mumbled under my breath. The bell rang shortly after that, and we began scurrying off to our first period class.

"Aubrey!" Brantli yelled, as soon as we were in the hallway. "Wait up!" she yelled as she jogged over to me.

"Hey!" I greeted her, as she stopped me in my tracks.

"Are you going to the dance next Friday?"

"Maybe," I replied. "Are you?"

"I really want to, but Opie hasn't asked me yet,"

"That's strange," I replied. I couldn't tell her that he thought going was a lame idea. "I can go with you if you want to go,"

"Yeah, okay," she said, adjusting the strap on her backpack. "That could be fun. A girls night out or something?"

"Sure!" I replied. "We can go dress shopping after school if you're up for it. My brother could drop us off,"

"Let's do it!" she said. "It'll be fun. I'll see you in choir," she replied, as the 1-minute warning bell rang, signaling us to get out of the hallways and get into our classes.

"I'll see you then!" I said, as I rushed down the hall and into my first period class.

"What was that about?" Jax whispered to me, as I took a seat behind his.

"Nothing," I smirked, as I thought of something clever to say. "I was just talking to my homecoming date,"

He flashed me an evil grin, as we were ordered to open up our textbooks and pass in our homework from the night before. The grin on his face said it all. There was a jealousy blooming over Jackson Teller, and it was a sight that you had to be there to see.

Going to the mall on a Friday afternoon wasn't the best idea that I had ever come up with. But, it was going to be worth it. My brother dropped us off out front, and slipped me $200 as I made my way out of the passenger side door.

"Colton," I projected. "I can't take this from you,"

"Yes you can. You're my baby sister. You're going to your first school dance. Even if you don't use all of it, treat yourself. You deserve it," he told me. Colton and I had always been closer than Braison and I. We weren't close in age, but he always looked out for me when he needed to.

"Thank you," I replied.

"You're welcome. Have fun. Give one of us a call when you're done. We have chapel in an hour so someone will be by to pick you up after that," Colton said.

"Okay," I replied, as Brantli and I walked away from the truck and towards the front entrance of the mall.

"What store do you wanna go to first?" she asked. There was a ton of commotion going on inside. The place was packed with people from our school on the same mission that we were on tonight.

"Doesn't matter to me," I told her.

"You upset about something?" she asked, as we made our way into one of the formal wear boutiques.

I shrugged. "I don't know. A while back, Jax and I kissed and now he won't talk to me. Things just aren't the same,"

"And you thought he was going to ask you to the dance, right?"

"Well, yeah. Kind of,"

"Aubs. I'm going to tell you something. Now this may come as a shock to you, but don't let it. Life doesn't always seem like a fairytale. You guys are best friends. And you're good at it. You're good at being just friends, you know? I know that you love him. A part of you will always, always love him. But you have to do what's best for you, not him. You don't live your life to please Jax Teller. You don't live your life to please anyone but yourself. Getting into a relationship with a best friend is like treading high waters. You'll only go so far and then you'll get stuck and need some help. And he may love you too! Who knows. I just can't stand you being all sad and mopey,"

"I know, but,"

"There's no buts about it. You need to just do you. Focus on you. The rest will just fall into place," Brantli stood by the clothes rack, one hand on her hip and the other sorting through dresses. "Life changes constantly. You can't wait for it," she sighed, as she picked up an ivory colored dress. "This would look great on you," she said, abruptly changing the subject.

"It's gorgeous," I told her.

"Start looking, girly! We have all night to do this. Try to get Jackson out of your mind. Find a beautiful dress, put on some nail polish and do your hair up, put on some makeup and go to the dance and make everyone just stop and notice you. You'll be great at it,"

"You give great advice," I told her. "You're absolutely right,"

"If I only followed my own advice..." she started. "I'm treading that high water too. I can't get Opie off of my mind," "Anyway, enough about them. Let's just focus on us tonight,"

"That's the plan, isn't it?"

We settled back at Brantli's house around 9 that night, with a generous lift back from the mall courtesy of Tig and Chibs. We had completed the goals that we set out to do: purchased our dresses, our shoes, and accessories. I felt relieved that everything was done and in progress for Friday.

* * *

Brantli and I decided to order a pizza and watching a couple of movies. "You can stay the night if you want. Dads out of town. He should be back in on Sunday," she had told me at the mall. As we sat in her living room, however it just didn't seem right without our two favorite guys here with us. Suddenly, everything that she had told me at the mall about moving on and forgetting Jackson was tossed aside. I was just excited to see him outside of school for the first time in a few days. The boys were over in no time, as we changed our location from the back room to the living room so that they could smoke at their leisure. This included Brantli, too. When I first met her, she told me it was a horrible habit that she had developed this past summer when coping with the death of her mother. I couldn't blame her. Hell, if any one of my family members died I would smoke the entire carton, I'm sure.

"Did you ladies have fun at the mall?" Jax asked, as we popped the first movie in.

"Here, I got you guys some sodas," Brantli said as she made her way down the stairs from the kitchen. She set the sodas on the table in front of us.

"It was fun!" I exclaimed. "We had a good time,"

"Did you buy a dress for your date on Saturday?"

Brantli and I looked at each other and laughed. "Oh yeah. I sure did,"

"Who are you going with? What guy, I mean?" Opie asked me.

"Who told you I was going with a guy?" I asked.

"Jax,"

"You told me you were in the hallway talking to your homecoming date!"

I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably after that one. "I was talking to Brantli, Jackson. I'm not taking a guy," I started, taking a sip of my soda. "Brantli and I weren't asked, so we're gonna go and have a girls night and have a good time,"

"Oh," Jackson said. That's all he could say. The boy knew he was in the wrong, but wouldn't admit it. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to his chest as the movie began. I rested my head on there as he stroked my hair until I fell asleep. Why couldn't it always be like this? Us, as a couple? Brantli was right. We were great together. Maybe it was time to let Jackson knew how I truly felt about him.

* * *

"Move the fuck over!"

"You move over, dude I can't see!"

"Maybe you should get a bigger mirror then!" Brantli exclaimed, as she curled the last bit of her hair. It was finally homecoming night. We had been counting the days down since last week and I couldn't even think straight at this moment. I knew that the guys weren't coming, but it would be nice to mingle with some of the people that I went to school with for a change.

"If you hair-spray your hair one more fucking time, I will knock your teeth in," Brantli told me. We had spent the better half of the day getting ready in my room. My mom treated us to mani-pedis this morning and even then we felt rushed.

"Okay, sheesh, I'm sorry," I told her.

"We look good," she concluded, as we looked in the mirror. I had to admit, we really did.

"Girls! Are you almost ready? It's 6:30!" my mom yelled up to us.

"Coming right now!" I yelled back in reply. We finished applying the last minute touches and began to make our way down the stairs to the front hallway. We were taken back from who we saw greeting us, however. It wasn't just my mom and my dad like we had planned, oh no. We soon were face-to-face with Jax and Opie. And damn, did they clean up nice. Jax wore a white button-up shirt, complete with black slacks, a black suit-coat, and a pair of black converse. His pale pink tie seemed to match the color of my dress almost exact. His dirty blonde hair was slicked back. Opie, on the other hand looked incredible. I'd never seen him look this nice before. He wore a black button-up shirt, black slacks, and black combat boots. His dress shirt seemed to pop with the bright, neon purple tie that he wore to match Brantli's dress. His hair was pulled into a bun.

"What are you guys doing here?" Brantli asked, her eyes widening.

"You didn't think we would let you go to homecoming by yourselves, did you?"

"Yes," I laughed sarcastically.

"You all look incredible. You look gorgeous, girls," my mom said. Which, is true. We did. I didn't mean to brag but I felt like a princess. I wore a pale pink, strapless dress. The dress was silk and fit just like a glove, with beading at the top by my bust. My makeup looked like it was done by a professional and my now brunette hair was done in banana curls that fell down to the top of my shoulders. The outfit was complete with a pair of ivory pumps. Small silver hoops dangled from my ears. And Brantli, well she looked good all of the time so tonight was no exception. She wore a spaghetti strap dress that fell into a tutu-style skirt. It was this awful bright neon purple color. It looked great on her though. I know that I could never pull it off. Her hair was pulled up into a loose, curly up do so that she could show off her tattoo of a daisy on the top of her back. She, like myself wore a pair of pumps, hers black of course. She kept it simple with her jewelry and changed the hoop in her nose to a stud, and her Monroe piercing to a diamond.

"Thanks, mom," I smiled.

"I picked these up for you guys today," my dad replied, as he handed us two clear, plastic containers with two boutonnière in them. "They go over their heart on the suit jacket," he told us.

We nodded in reply as we began pinning them on our dates. Jackson slipped my corsage onto my wrist and gave me a simple kiss on the cheek. After the millions of photos were snapped, my dad cleared his throat to signal to us that it was almost 7.

"Have fun at the dance," my mom told us. "Gemma's going to be taking you guys so try not to be home too late,"

"We won't, we promise," Brantli said to them, re-assuring that we would be okay.

"Love you guys!" I told them, as we made our way out of the door and down the driveway to Gemma's Tahoe. Her and Clay had begged for more pictures as we greeted them at the vehicle. We reluctantly said yes, and then were driven off to the dance.

Upon arrival, we couldn't believe how insane it was. Music was blaring through the speakers loud enough to be heard outside. The walls of the gym were crammed with students dancing, gossiping, and having a good time. The first song to play was a cheesy, fast-paced 80s song, one that I would give anything to remember at this moment. "Wanna dance?" Jax asked me, as we made our way out onto the middle of the dance floor.

"Absolutely," I replied, smiling at him. After a few fast-paced songs, we were sweating our asses off. My makeup had sweated off many songs ago, so it was a nice change when they decided to play a slow song. This one, though I'll always remember. It was the Eagle's "Take it to The Limit." Jackson grabbed my hand and stood only inches away from me.

"You look stunning," he told me.

"I can't believe you guys made us think you weren't going to ask us," I said, as he twirled and spun me out. I fell back into his arms. Our bodies were touching as this point.

"I didn't want you to say no," he said. "So the plan that we came up with your parents seemed a lot better. I didn't mean for you to get mad at me,"

"You're so silly, Teller," I told him.

"You know you love it," he told me. As the final chorus of the song began, he looked right into my hazel eyes and planted a kiss on my lips. "I love you, Aubrey,"

All I could do at this point was smile and tell him that I loved him, too.

**A/N: You guys are awesome, thank you so much for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites. Who thinks they know what's going to happen?! Continue to leave your love. For those of you starting back to school tomorrow after having winter break off much like myself, good luck in your classes!**


	6. Chapter 6

_**November, 1992**_

Homecoming soon turned into Halloween, and following that were midterms and now, it was the day before Thanksgiving. I couldn't even begin to believe how time had gotten the best of us. It was a good thing though. The break off of school for a few days was much needed, especially since Jax and I had been avoiding each other so much lately. We just had other interests. After homecoming that night, Brantli and Opie got together and have been dating for a little over a month. Jackson and I just headed in the other direction and didn't know what was going to happen. We hadn't even brought up dating after he confessed his love for me on the dance floor. It was whatever. School really should be my main focus right now...

Thanksgiving at the Tellers was a tradition that my family had been a part of since our first year in California. They threw a huge party, complete with a feast and a very intense football game beforehand. Believe it or not, under all that tough ruggedness that most of the guys portrayed, they were very competitive. The day before was always madness. Gemma, my mom, myself and one of Gemma's best friends, LuAnn were tasked with prepping all of the food. I woke up extremely early that morning and drug Brantli out of bed with me. My mom had been up for a few hours now, prepping her famous candied yams and homemade stuffing. She had tasked us with prepping the pies, 5 of them, in addition to the other desserts that Gemma would be making. 30 or so people were intended to come, and Gemma always wants to make sure that there is enough in case a few more people end up showing up unannounced. Since my mom was taking up most of the space in our kitchen, Gemma had told us to come over to help prep the pies. It was around 8am or so when we began to make our way next door. The house was in total commotion. Gemma was making sure that everyone was up and had a job to do.

"Morning!" I exclaimed, as we made our way through the front door of their house.

"Morning," she replied back to me, a lot less cheerful than I was.

As we made our way into the kitchen, it surely didn't smell like any desserts were cooking. It was still early though. "What's all this?" I asked, noticing the array of tri-colored pasta and casserole dishes that sat on the kitchen counter.

"John called last night. He caught a flight home from Belfast. His plane is coming in around 7 tonight and we're throwing him a 'welcome home' party," Gemma replied. I could tell that she wasn't happy about that at all. Everyone knew that she was sneaking around with Clay. Jax had even mentioned that he saw them kissing a couple of times.

"Oh, well that's good," I replied, as I took a seat at the dining room table. "I bet you're excited he's coming home."

"Yeah, I am," she said, brushing her blonde and black bangs out of her face. "We have a lot to do today," Gemma began. "The guys are going to the clubhouse to set up around noon or so. I'm working on making some food for the party and then you guys can have the kitchen to make the pies,"

"Thats fine," I replied. "My mom was prepping at the house, too. I'm sure she'll be down once she's finished," As much as I hated to admit it, Gemma was like a second mother to me. The least I could do was offer our help to her. That's why I didn't mind cooking today and tomorrow so much. They have opened their home and their family up to mine for years. Every bit to make her happy counted.

"I really appreciate it, girls," when she said this, I knew that she had meant it. It was rare that she ever asked for help, let alone accepted it.

"What all do you need help with?" Brantli asked, still rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"I'm just keeping it simple. There's a couple of dips that you guys can help me with. The cake has to go in soon so that it has time to cool. I need to get the meatballs in the crockpot, the wings need to go in soon, the hanky pankies..." she let her voice trail off. "Double batches, of course because I want to have some for tomorrow too. Whenever you guys are ready," she replied.

We got up from our seats and joined Gemma in the kitchen. The cooking process began to get underway as Jax made his way into the kitchen.

"Finally, sleeping beauty's up," she said, as she began coating the bottom of the casserole dish with sour cream.

"Morning, ma," Jackson replied, still half asleep. He made his way over to the fridge and grabbed the carton of orange juice out. He took two big gulps and placed it back on the too shelf.

"What did I tell you about that, Jackson Nathaniel?! Use a fucking glass, would you?!"

"Sorry," he replied.

"No, not sorry. You know better. You need to go up and get dressed because we need to make sure the house is cleaned and the clubhouse is set up for your father's arrival tonight,"

"Yeah, yeah. It'll get done," he said, making his way over to the dining room table. "What's for breakfast?" he asked, and I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was being sarcastic.

"Cereal," Gemma replied in a serious tone. "Eat it and get to stepping. There's a lot to do today and I don't have time for your smart-ass remarks,"

"Woah," Jax replied. "I was just kidding."

Gemma slammed down the casserole dish. "Knock it off," she said, placing her hand on her forehead. "You're being an ass and I don't need any of it from you today. I know you don't want your father to come home but he is and we all need to face it," she began to get a little choked up. "I'm gonna have a smoke. Can you guys handle this?"

"Of course," I replied, smiling at her.

She began to make her way out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"What, no good morning for us?" Brantli asked.

"I didn't know I had to greet you every time I walked into the room," he replied.

"It would be nice," she said.

"Good morning then," he said, as he got up from the table. "Nice pajama pants, by the way girls."

I rolled my eyes as he began to make his way upstairs. It was going to be a long next two days. I wasn't fully ready for this.

* * *

After all of the food preparations were made that afternoon, it was time to welcome one of the founding fathers home. All of the guys were ecstatic to finally have JT back. It had been a long year without him. His plane did land around 7 or so, and when he came back to the clubhouse that night, we were all full of mixed emotions. As his tall figure made his way through the front entrance amongst the crowd, we all burst out into a loud uproar. Drinks began flying and Gemma rushed right up to him. He set his suitcase down and looked her right in the eyes. "I'm home, baby,"

She looked at him, too with the same forced love in her eyes. He kissed on her on the lips and they were intimate for a moment. "Don't ever leave me again, okay?" she asked him.

"I promise, I won't."

As JT began to make his round with the greetings and the hugs, the party continued in the background. Jax and Opie were seated at the bar beside my brothers, while Brantli and I sat at a table with my sister-in-law. We could only watch the embrace between JT and Jax from afar.

"Hi son," he said, as we attempted to inch closer to the full conversation going on.

"Hey," Jackson replied, accepting the one-armed, awkward hug from his father.

"Glad you're home," Opie told him, as he took another drink from his red plastic cup.

"It's sure good to be back," he said, as one of the bar maids handed him a Miller Lite.

"Did you have a good time in Belfast?" Jax asked him, his mood changing almost instantly.

"Yeah, I did," JT replied, as he took a long sip of his beer.

"Good, I'm glad you had a great time finding yourself and putting your family on hold."

"Jackson, come on," he told him.

"No dad, you come on. You don't know what we went through here. Your best friend stepped up to take care of us because you left. You just abandoned the family and the club that you built here. You don't know what it was like not to have you during the shootouts and the gun deals!" he exclaimed.

What? What on Earth was Jax talking about?

"Look, Jackson it's a lot more complicated than that."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. So, tell me dad. How many times did you get your dick sucked there?"

I had never seen John's temper rise as much as it did with those few words brought on by his son. I was appalled at the fact that John had raised his hand to his son, too and laid him one across his face.

"You don't scare me, old man! Bring it on. Come on! Hit me again," Jax replied, making sure that him and his father were no more than an inch apart.

"Ungrateful little shit," another slap across his face. Jackson laid one on his dad and soon, they were going at it.

"Thomas was a part of my life too, dad! But you don't see me running off. I'm fifteen! I can barely take care of myself let alone mom, too!"

Piney, Opie, Gemma, and my brothers began pulling the guys off of themselves when it began to get even more violent, breaking it up before it escalated even more than it had already.

"Enough!" Gemma yelled, as they finally came to a halt. "We are supposed to be a family. We are supposed to be a team."

"Yeah? Well I think your husband forgot about that. I think he forgot about what a team was," Jackson began to walk towards the front entrance. "I'm going on a walk. By myself. I don't need anyone to follow me,"

"Aren't you going to go after him?" JT asked.

"No. I think you both need to cool off for awhile. I don't care where you go, just stay far away from each other."

"Gladly," JT replied.

"You know, he is your son. You should be here to watch him grow up. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of raising him, Gemma. Because he's already starting to turn out exactly like me," JT said, as he stormed off into the guest room. The entire room was still silent.

"Nothing to see here, guys. Sorry about that. Just get back to what you were doing," the look in her eyes scared me. She was starting to fall apart, and I could tell. She needed her family. Family was all this woman had in her life.

* * *

"Aubrey," Opie approached me after everything had simmered down. Clay called for chapel a while ago, causing most of the guys to disappear into a the back room of the club house. Brantli and Opie had been off minding their own business, while I was too consumed in everything going on around me. Jax still wasn't back from his walk.

"What?" I asked him, more pissed that everyone had left me by myself than anything.

"I have to talk to you."

"About what?" I asked, getting up and placing my hands on my hips.

"Walk with me," he instructed, as we made our way out of the clubhouse.

"Where's Brantli?"

"She's asleep," Opie began. "Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about,"

"Oh really? Then what did you want to talk to me about, OP?" I began. "About how your best friend has been ignoring me since October? About how he's playing with my heart and my emotions and thinking it's some big fucking joke?!"

Opie shook his head. "You've got it all wrong. Look, I've known you since we were seven. I've never lied to you—and I've tried to never keep anything from you. Jax talked to me about you. In fact, you're all that kid ever talks about. He's asked me to keep mine and his conversation private, but I can't. I don't like holding things in from you."

"So, start. What'd Jax say?" I asked, as we sat down on the concrete by the entrance of Teller-Morrow towing.

Opie opened up his pack of Marlboro's and took one out. He took a drag and then handed it to me. I was in such an awful mood that I took a few drags from it before handing it back to him. "We talked while we were cleaning this afternoon. He hasn't talked to you because he really doesn't know what to say,"

"What do you mean?"

Opie sighed. "He's in love with you, Aubrey Nevaeh. He loves you so much that it hurts him. He never wants to be without you; ever. He's just afraid he's going to hurt you with the club and all," he took another drag from the cigarette. "He's gonna be president one day. It's in his blood. This school shit is not for him. And you need to be okay with it."

"I am," I told him. I wasn't lying. I had to be okay with Jax and Opie and everyone else being in a gun-slinging club. It was a shock to me, about how they could keep this from me for so long. And, not just them, my brothers, too.

"Really?" Opie chuckled. "You're okay with him going off at all hours of the night, risking his life to keep you safe. To provide for you?"

"I have to be, Op. I really, really do."

"It's dangerous, Aubs. He doesn't want to break your heart," Opie flicked the remaining ashes of the cigarette on the ground. "He doesn't want you to be worried about him 24/7."

"But I will be," I started. "You know that."

"And, so does Jax. But you can't show it. You have to be okay with the life that he's living. The only thing that boy will ever know is outlaw. And you can't change him," Opie threw the cigarette on the ground, and stomped on it, smashing it until there was nothing left. "He doesn't want to be changed. He wants you to be happy."

"I will be. Once he starts talking to me again," I stated. Why didn't I go after him?

"You're like my little sister, Aubs You mean the world to me. You know how there's those couples that are so perfect for each other that you know they're going to be together for the rest of their lives?"

"Yes," I said.

"That's you and Jackson. I swear to God. The way he looks at you, the way you look at him, it's like a love I've never seen before," Opie smiled. "He loves you to death,"

"I love him too, Opie. I really, really do."

"Why don't you talk to him about it? See what he feels like getting into a relationship. Neither of you have ever been in one before and I think it'll be a great life experience for you two."

"What if he doesn't want to?" I asked.

"Well, then it's his loss, Aubs. You're a great girl. Jackson Teller would be lucky to go out with you."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, bro. This means a lot."

"Hey, anytime you need to talk, I'm here," he started, helping me up from our spot on the ground. "I'm gonna get back to Brantli. Don't worry about Jax. Go lay down for a little bit in the other guest room. I'm sure Jax will be back in no time."

"I hope so," I mumbled under my breath. "Op! I have a question."

"What's up?"

"Do you love Brantli?"

He smiled at me when my her name crossed my lips. "Yeah, actually, I do. I love her a lot."

"Tell her," I began.

"I'm waiting for that right moment."

Maybe that's what I had to do—wait for the right moment to tell Jax that I was in love with him. My stomach hurt just thinking about it.

I headed back into the clubhouse and crawled underneath the sheets in the spare bed. It felt good to just relax. No sooner did I close my eyes than did I hear the door creek open.

"What're you doing in here?" I heard Jax asked me.

"I was waiting for you to get back," I explained. "I wanted to make sure you were okay before I headed home."

"I'm okay, Bre. I promise."

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Yeah, well my dad coming back after being away for a year wasn't exactly what I wanted to happen tonight."

"You knew it was going to," I sat up, as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I know. I just didn't want to accept it. I didn't know what I was going to do when I saw the guy."

"And beating him up is the answer for everything, I take it?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess,"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, Jax. What am I going to do with you?"

"Anything you want," he replied back. I hit him across the arm with a nearby pillow. "I'm sorry,"

"Me too."

"I mean it, Bre. I just didn't know how to talk to you. Everything was becoming so weird."

"Tell me about it," I said. "It's weird for me, too."

"I'm starting to fall in love with you," Jax told me. "And, I don't know why—I mean, I know why. But I don't know what it's gotta happen all of a sudden like this. I've always loved you. I always will. I'm starting to see you as so much more than just a friend."

"Me too," I replied. "It's all happening so fast. The kiss, then homecoming. It's not how I planned any of this."

"I feel like a dumbass for keeping everything from you," he was now talking about SAMCRO.

"Don't. It's none of my business."

"You're practically family. It should be."

"Not really," I said. "It was kept a secret for a reason," I was lying. I wanted to know why none of them had told me how dangerous this was.

"How much do you want to know?" he stared at me when he asked me this.

I bit down on my bottom lip. "All of it,"

Jax had started with the history of the club: how it began after Piney and JT came back from the Vietnam War, the first 9, SAMCRO's rival gangs, the war with the Mayans, how the system for electing members into the club worked, other branches of the club, what chapel really was—anything and everything that I've ever wanted to know about a huge part of my childhood. I was amazed with some of the things that Jax was telling me, especially when he concluded with "I'm going to be President on day,"

"How do you figure?"

"My old man told me it was in my blood. That spot is rightfully mine," he started. "As long as nothing happens to him, the spot becomes mine when I get patched in. Maybe even a few years after."

I swallowed hard. "And this is something you want to do?"

He nodded his head. "This club means so much to me. I'm awaiting the day I can put on a kutte, hop on my Harley and ride with the guys."

"How does your mom feel about this?" I crossed my legs Indian-style, and gripped the pillow against my chest.

"I don't really know, to be honest," he chuckled. "But it's not her decision."

"True," I replied. Jax looked up at the clock on the wall. Before we knew it, the time had slowly crept to 11:30. "I should probably get going," I said, getting up from the bed.

"Stay the night," Jax begged me. "Please?"

I bit my bottom lip, and looked at him. "You sure?"

He nodded his head. "I want to wake up next to you in the morning. Not just tomorrow morning, but for the rest of my life."

"Maybe we should do something about that," I exclaimed, as Jax got up from the bed.

"Maybe we should," he began to make his way over to me. His 5'11 figure pinned me up against the oak-wood door. I wrapped my legs around his waist, as he began to kiss my lips, then slowly move down to my neck. His touch was like poison and his lips tasted of bad decisions and strong alcohol mixed together with cigarettes.

"Jax," I told him, as he kissed my lips to shut me up. God, he was such a good kisser. We slowly made our way over to the bed. We soon moved from the door and onto the bed. He was now on top of me.

"I just can't help myself, Aubrey. You look so damn hot tonight," he kissed me some more, then climbed on top of me. His lips slowly crept down to underneath my shirt.

"Jackson, I'm not ready for this," Why? Why did I have to say this?

He looked at me. "Okay," he said, as I sat up. He sat on the bed next to me.

"I'm glad you respect that.0"

"I don't want us to rush things," he started. "But why did you say we should do something about it?"

I playfully shoved him after he said that. "I didn't mean sex, you goofball!"

"What did you mean then?" he asked me.

I sighed. "Just forget it. Come on, it's getting late. Let's just get some sleep,"

"Yes ma'am," he smiled at me, as we crawled under the covers. He wrapped me in his arms, pulling me close to his chest. This was nice. "Good night, Bre."

"Night Teller."

"I love you."

"Love you too, best friend."

* * *

Night had soon turned into day in Charming. As I was waking up this morning, all I could do was smile. Jax was sound asleep next to me. I had drifted out of his arms in the middle of the night, it seemed like. As soon as he heard that I was up, however, he turned over to me.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning," I told him, planting a kiss on his lips. He pulled me closer to him as I rested my head on his chest.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I said.

"You too, my love," he replied. "Ready to get your ass kicked in football this morning?"

"Nope, but I think you are," I joked, as he grabbed onto my hand and began to play with the spaces between my fingers.

"Yeah, we'll see about that," he replied. I couldn't help but laugh. Our laughter was soon cut short by Gemma, who knocked on the door and just stared.

"Well," she smiled. "Good morning."

"Morning," I replied and smiled back at her.

"Colton said he'd give you guys a ride home so that you can get cleaned up. Football starts at 10," she replied. "So start moving."

Jackson groaned as he thrusted the covers off of us. I made the bed and we headed out of the guest room and into the front of the clubhouse. There were people everywhere: some asleep on the floor, some on the couches. Empty beer bottles and liquor bottles were strewn on the floor.

"Place is a goddamn mess," Gemma said, as she took a seat at the bar. We already knew we had way to much today to stay and help Gemma out so we decided to head back to our houses and get ready.

After a long-waited two hours, we proceeded over to the empty field behind the high school. It was the immediate family on teams; and picking them was a grueling experience. I was paired with Clay, John, Opie, Tig, Piney, and Colton. The other team was Big Otto, Braison, Alyssa, Brantli, Jax, and Chibs. We spent nearly three hours tackling each other on the field until finally, Jax's team was pronounced the winner. The score stood as 21-17. It was a close game after all.

We headed back to the Tellers a mere few hours later. The spread was out and we all gathered closely around the table. It wasn't many of us, like we had hoped but it was enough. All of the immediate members of the club, their children, and their old ladies.

"We should all go around the table and say what we're thankful for," Brantli projected. "That's what my family always did, and we sort of made it a tradition,"

"That's a good idea, sweetheart," Piney interjected.

"No it's not, it's lame," Tig laughed.

"Oh really? Then why don't you go first, Tiggy?" Gemma asked, taking a sip of her wine.

"Fine, fine. I'm thankful for good pus..."

"You can't say that at the dinner table!" Gemma replied. "Think of something else," most of the guys were already applauding and in an uproar. We all knew what Tig was going to say.

Some popular ones amongst the table were their Harley's, the club, their cuts, beer, smokes; anything that you could think of. Mine? I stuck to my education, because my brothers weren't able to go to college and I knew that I was. Jax looked at me and simply said "my old lady," which most of the guys clapped along to.

"My freedom," Clay stated. While most of them were Veterans, this was something to be truly grateful for. Freedom was something that these guys didn't want us to take for granted, ever.

"What about you, Gemma?"

She leaned back a little in her chair to survey everything that was going on around her. "Family. You guys have been the biggest and best blessing in my life. I'm thankful every day when I wake up and can be thankful to have you guys. I love you all," she said, as she raised her glass in the air.

"Let's eat!" John said, as he began to carve the turkey. Family was definitely something to be very thankful for. But, as we were about to learn blood indeed isn't always thicker than water.


	7. Chapter 7

I couldn't have been happier when school was back in session that Monday. It was such a nice break off, and I got to spend most of it with Jackson. He truly was shaping up to be a wonderful man, and as each day progressed I fell even more in love with him. He had walked me to all of my classes that day, giving me soft kisses on my forehead as he dropped me off. Choir was no exception. He had kissed me plain as day on the lips, and I made my way over to the risers.

"Someone looks happy today," Brantli told me.

"Someone is happy," I replied, smiling back at her.

Mrs. Hilliard began mumbling on about how the Christmas show was only a few weeks away and to make sure that we had invited people that we wanted to be there. We couldn't miss it: it was our midterm for the course. "I also like to include solos in the show," she told us. "It's sort of my thing. I love to broadcast all of your talents, and I really have been paying attention to who has stood out this semester for me. I'll need the following people to see me after class, okay?" she asked. We all sat quietly, waiting for her to tell us who would be performing. "So, I'm going to need to see Matthew Williams, Ashley McBride, Chelsea Sinclair..." her voice began to trail off as she read from the list. "Aubrey Springsteen," she said, smiling at me. "And, Brantli Atkins."

Woah, woah. Slow down. I'm sorry, what? It took me awhile to comprehend the fact that she called my name out to the entire class. A solo? She had to be out of her mind. Although I loved singing, I didn't love it enough to be in the spotlight of the entire class. I didn't like talking to people that much, let alone getting up and singing in front of a bunch of strangers. "I'll have your sheet music for you after class."

We had continued to work on most of the ensemble songs that she had given us, and work on breathing exercises . How she could pick us was a mystery, especially considering that all Brantli and I did on most days was talk through class. When the bell rang, it was our cue to meet with her.

"Thanks guys. I really noticed true star potential in all of you this semester. You guys have made it a more enjoyable course for me to teach. You might not think that I'm watching you guys, but I am. And you continue to amaze me. "I have your sheet music here, and while some of you will be performing solos, a few of you will be performing duets."

As I took my sheet music from her, I noticed that I was one of the lucky ones to get paired up for a duet. Matthew Williams would be my partner. Matthew was a senior, that sat in the back of the class most days. He rarely took the time to sing, and paid no more attention than Brantli and I had. He was captain of the football team, dated one of the cheerleaders, and was probably only taking this to fulfill an art credit. I wouldn't be caught dead talking to someone like that. Yes, he was cute. But did I really want to sing with him? Not likely.

"I really want you guys to get together and start practicing. We only have a couple of weeks to perfect these, and they aren't hard songs."

We all nodded in reply. As she wrote us passes to her next class, Brantli and I began to gather up our things to exit the auditorium. "What're you singing?" Brantli asked.

"Baby It's Cold Outside," I trembled a little inside thinking about how much I couldn't stand that song. "You?"

"The Christmas Song," Brantli replied, sounding even more pissed off than I was.

"That sounds awful," I replied, throwing my backpack over my shoulders. As we began to make our way out of the auditorium, I heard someone's footsteps approach us.

"Are you Aubrey?" I heard him ask me. I turned around, and it was Matthew.

"Yeah?" I said, the statement sounding more like a question than a reply. "Why?"

"I'm Matthew. I guess we're singing together," he replied.

"Oh. Nice to meet you," I told him. We began walking, and he followed.

"When do you want to practice?" he asked me.

"I don't know. When are you free?"

"Today after school maybe. I could give you a ride to my place. We can practice there."

I looked at Brantli, and she gave me this weird, evil look back. "I mean I guess so."

"Sweet. So I'll meet you in the parking lot then?" he asked me.

"Okay," I replied, letting out a heavy sigh.

"Cool. See you later," he said, glancing back at us before making his way up to the second floor.

"Jax is going to kill you."

"That's why we aren't going to tell him," I replied

"You have to!" she interjected. "Come on Brantli. You two are practically dating. He's gonna flip out if he finds out that you're going over a guys house to practice a song,"

"We aren't dating," I said, softly back to her.

"Might as well be."

"Whatever " I replied.

"I'm not digging you out of this one," she told me coldly. "I think it's just wrong,"

"I'm not going to sleep with him or something. It's for school!"

"It's still wrong. You shouldn't have to sneak around his back. Plus, come on Matthew is one of the biggest players in this school. He'll do anything to get inside of a girls pants,"

"Yeah okay," I told her.

"So you're going to tell him?"

"Yes! I'll fucking tell him during lunch," "Can we drop it now?" I asked, opening the door to our Latin class.

"Good," she replied, as we handed Svecky our late passes. We took our seats up front, and didn't speak a word for the remainder of class. I mean, come on. We really weren't dating. What Jackson didn't know wouldn't kill him.

* * *

I waited for twenty long minutes in the parking lot for Matt after school let out for the day. When he finally came outside of the building, all he could do was apologize. "I had weight lifting. I completely forgot, I'm sorry,"

"It's fine," I replied. It was a good thing that it took him forever to come out of the school. It would give me enough clearance to buy some time for Jax, Opie, and Brantli to start walking to TM. Matt opened up the passenger side door of his Cavalier for me. "My cars a mess. Don't mind it,"

"Nah, it's cool," I said, as I settled in and buckled my seat belt.

"You're one of those understanding types, it seems like," he chuckled, as he backed out of the parking space.

"I guess," I told him.

"You like music?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Good shit," he told me, as he pressed 'play' on an old Mellencamp cassette.

"Do you live far away from here?"

"Other side of town," he said, as we stopped at our first red light. "So are you a junior?"

"Freshman," I replied.

"Oh wow. You're a youngin'" he told me, as he let out a small chuckle. "Damn, I wish I could go back to being a freshman."

"I'll switch with you," I told him.

"Trust me, you don't wanna be a senior. Yeah it might seem fun and I'm out of here soon but it comes with a lot of hard work. You have to make sure all your ducks are in a row, you have to make sure that you've applied for college and taken your ACT and SATs and that those scores are high enough for you to actually get into the same school that's scouting you for football."

"Seems intense," I said, focusing all of my attention out of the window.

"Yeah, it is. But I got into my first choice school, so I guess its smooth sailing from this point."

"What school?"

"University of Southern California."

"Oh, wow," that was a really good school, known for their stellar football team. I guess he must've been good if he was going there. I never would have known though. I didn't care too much to go see my high school football team play.

"Yeah. Full football scholarship."

"Congrats," I replied.

"I guess. Wish my girlfriend were more supportive, you know?"

"Yeah, no I understand."

"You seeing anyone?"

"Sort of," I replied. "It's complicated."

"Seems like we're both stuck with some people we don't wanna be with."

"You don't love your girlfriend?"

"She's okay. But you know. They all tell you to never bring the girl after high school. I don't see it lasting very long. What about your guy?"

"He's who he is, I guess. I love him with all of my heart, but I just wish sometimes that he would open up more to me, you know? That he would tell me what he's feeling and what's on his mind rather than just guessing all of the time," why was I confessing all of this to a complete stranger?

"Yeah no totally. That's how it is with Ashley."

"Mhm," I told him, looking down at my nails. He pulled into his driveway and shut the car off.

"My parents won't be home for awhile. I'm not sure how long this is going to take but they normally don't mind,"

"Oh well okay," I told him. We made our way up the narrow driveway and into his house, once the door was unlocked.

"Make yourself at home. Me casa su casa. Or however you say it," he said, flashing a flirty smile my way. I took a seat on the maroon cloth couch, as he sat on the love seat next to me. I grabbed the sheet music out of my bag, as we began to practice the song. After a lot of practicing, many fails and off-tunes, and a ton of talking and laughing in between, he looked at me. "I'm throwing a party this Friday. You should come."

"I'll think about it," I told him.

"It'll be fun. A couple of the guys are getting some bottles, there's gonna be plenty of good music. You can bring your friend if you want to."

"I'll see what she's up to," I told her.

"I feel like we have this connection, you know? Like you just get me."

"How so?"

"I don't know. Im sure you've heard a lot about me though. And I love Ashley I really do but she doesn't talk to me like this. She doesn't listen to me like you are right now," he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

"It's fine, I promise," I told him. Brantli got it all wrong. Matt was sweet. He was someone that I could easily talk to and not be judged.

"Why didn't you want to sing with her then?"

"I don't know, I feel like she would've sat her and criticized me the entire time. It's just not something that I wanted to be a part of. I asked her if I could sing with you. I've seen you around the school. You're beautiful,"

I was blushing at this point. Blushing. What was wrong with me?!

He cleared his throat. "I guess I should probably take you home now."

"Yeah that's fine," I told him. "Could you take me to Teller-Morrow towing, actually?"

"You live at the towing place?"

"No," I laughed. "I just have something I need to take care of," at this point I was feeling guilty about the entire thing. Especially as Matt leaned over to kiss me on the lips. I felt like my stomach had churned upside down.

* * *

Matt dropped me off an hour later. We had just sat in his car a few blocks away talking. Time had gotten the best of us, and I needed to tell Jax what was going on right away. As I made my way up the back lot and into the clubhouse, I had an uneasy feeling set over me. Some of the guys said hi, and Gemma greeted me too with a hug and kiss on the cheek. "You get detention or something?"

"No, I had to go practice something for the Christmas concert. Nothing major,"

"As long as you were safe. Don't tell your mom I let you go,"

"I won't. I promise."

I slowly made my way into the clubhouse, and it was as if all eyes were on me. My friends were nowhere to be found. "Where is everyone?"

"Jax said he needed to talk to you. He's in the guest room," Chibs told me.

Oh shit. Did Brantli tell him where I was going? I felt like I was going to throw up. As I made my way back there, Jax told me to come in after he heard my knocking on the door.

"Hi," I told him, as I made my way over to the bed. I didn't kiss him. Not even a hug. I sat across from him, crossing my legs Indian style.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"What?"

"You were going over some guys house? Don't you think I should've known about that?"

"You don't tell me where you're going all of the time."

"So? That's irrelevant to this, Bre and you know it."

"Okay so I didn't tell you I was going over someone's house. Big whoop."

"I wouldn't have cared if you would have told me. That guy is a jerk."

"No he's not!" I projected. "He sat there and he listened to everything that I was saying. He talked to me like I was a person."

"And I don't?!"

"Not when you're yelling at me like this!" I told him. "I was going to tell you when I got back. I didn't think it was a big deal!"

"It is a big deal, Aubrey!" he yelled, his temper flaring. "Did anything happen?"

"No," I told him.

"Don't lie to me," he said. "You have never lied to me before and I don't want you to start. Did anything happen?"

"Yes! Okay! He kissed me. Are you happy now?!"

"How dare you?!" Jax asked me. "How fucking dare you!"

"It didn't mean anything, Jackson I swear."

"You know. I thought you were different. I thought wrong though,"

I was trying to hold back tears. "I'm sorry."

"That doesn't mean shit to me right now."

"What else do you want me to say?" I said, letting a tear fall. "I fucked up, okay? I screwed up and I'm so sorry," "We aren't dating. You made that one pretty clear."

"Yeah and I don't think we ever will at this point," he told me. "You disgust me."

"Jackson, I..."

"Save it for Matt, Aubrey. I don't think we should be friends anymore. I don't think you should come around here."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do," he told me. "I just can't with you anymore. I can't be in love with you if you don't give me the time to come around," "You should feel comfortable talking to me the same way you talked to him."

"Jackson," it was the only word I could manage to escape my lips. "Jackson."

"You should leave," he told me.

I nodded my head in reply as I got up and made my way to the door.

"I hope he was worth it," Jackson said, as I let the tears continue to fall from my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been five whole days since I had talked to Brantli, Opie, or Jackson. The three people that meant more to me than life itself. Colton and Braison took turns driving me to and from school, I sat at a different table at lunch, and didn't speak to any of them in any of our classes. It truly was if my entire world had come crumbling down.

"You hanging in there?" Colton asked me. It was Friday night, and Matt had continually asked me all week if I was coming to his party tonight. Each day, my answer had changed. Today though, I finally agreed to go. I had never been to a high school party before, so it was kind of exciting to me.

"I'm fine," I told him as I gazed out the window.

"Please, please don't drink tonight," he begged me. "I know that there's going to be older kids there and they're going to be pressuring you into having a few shots or a beer but don't give into it. And call me if you need picked up early. Please,"

"Okay," I told him. I wasn't a child, Colton. I could handle myself.

"It's not too late to change your mind, you know,"

"Nice try," I laughed, as he parked in front of Matts house.

"Be safe, okay? I love you"

"Love you, too," I told him. I began to make my way up the driveway. It was a little past 8, and I could feel butterflies dancing around in my heart. I didn't know what to expect upon arrival. But, Matt opened up the door and was as sweet as ever. He handed me a drink and I accepted it gratefully. Just one wouldn't kill me, right?

"Glad you could make it!" he yelled, over the loud music. "You're the guest of honor,"

He was buzzed, but I didn't mind it. "What do you mean?" I chuckled.

"Wanna dance?" he asked me.

"Uh, I guess," I replied, as he grabbed my hand and led me to the empty space by the couches. His 6'4 figure towered over me, but he still looked so damn good. I was so hurt right now. I didn't even know how to act. Soon though, we were nearly inches apart, my body flowing with his. It wasn't a romantic dance, more of a grinding gesture. Although, in the 90s I don't remember too much what it was called. I was surprised about the amount of girls and guys here. Mostly a fair ratio. Not one of the guys, it seemed were without a date. A lot of the girls from my freshman class were here, too.

"So why am I the guest of honor?"

"You're going to think it's so funny," he said, handing me another drink once we were through dancing.

"Really?" I chuckled.

"Yeah," he replied. "Have you ever been to a hazer?"

"No, I haven't actually. What's that?" I had never even heard of a hazer but it didn't sound good.

"Everyone on the football team were told to find the ugliest girl that they could to bring to the party. It's called a pig bash. There's different forms of them,"

"A what?" Yeah, didn't think this was too funny.

"A pig bash," he chuckled. "And, whoever finds the ugliest girl and gets them to sleep with them, wins $100 and the captain spot for next year,"

"You're not serious, are you?"

"Oh yeah. I definitely thought I was going to win. I mean, come on. You dress like a boy. You really aren't sociable with anyone. You're just average,"

"So that's why Ashley wasn't here,"

"Yeah! Why would she be invited to this come on now Aubrey. She's gorgeous, and you're. Well, you're you,"

I swallowed hard. "Can I use your phone, please?"

"Why? Are you going to leave? Are you upset?"

"A little," I said, trying to calm my nerves.

"You're not leaving. We haven't even gotten the chance to have sex yet,"

"And we won't, either," I replied. "Excuse me," I told him, as I grabbed my coat and my purse and began to make my way out of his house.

"That's why you're average,"

"And that's why you're a dick," I said, as I shut the door behind me. I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life.

* * *

I couldn't even begin to tell you how humiliated I was as I walked back into my house that night. The only three people that I wanted to be with right now were gone—probably out having fun themselves. They probably didn't even want to talk to me right now. Hell, they'd probably laugh at me if I showed up at the clubhouse looking how I did right now. Mascara had made its way down my face, my eyes were all puffy and red, my mood had gone from excited to sour in the matter of an mom and dad were out to dinner right now, too, something that they did once a week to "keep their marriage alive". I'm sure Braison and Alyssa were tending to their family matters. Who could I call?

Then, it was if God himself had heard me, I guess because the house phone began to ring. I cleared my throat before greeting the person on the other end. It was Colton.

"You know, you were supposed to call me when you wanted to be picked up. Im on my way over," he said, before even greeting me back. That was the good thing about brothers—they could always sense when something was wrong.

Colton had arrived within the hour to find me spread out on the living room floor. "You were supposed to call," were the words that he said as he walked through the door. "You had me worried sick,"

"I had to get out of there, Colton. You don't understand,"

"What the hell happened?"

"Oh god it was so bad," I started, managing to calm the crying down for a little bit. I began to tell him about the party. Even he couldn't believe it. "Who does that?"

"Apparently this fucker," Colton replied. "I'm so sorry, Aubs. I should have never let you go,"

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have fallen for the bullshit. I knew someone like him could never like someone like me,"

"Do you hear yourself? You're insane. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You have the biggest heart and the sweetest personality. You're hilarious. You can make anyone feel better in the matter of seconds. You're just a confused teenager. You'll see. Things like this are going to happen to you all of the time. You're going to meet a guy and they're not going to be like how you pictured. And that's perfectly fine," he started. "There's this old line I think I read in a book somewhere. You have to kiss a lot of rodeo clowns before you find your cowboy,"

"But Colton," I said, beginning to cry again. "I don't want a cowboy. I want Jackson. And I don't know. Maybe a part of me was trying to make him jealous by going tonight. Maybe a part of me wanted him to tell me no and tell me that I was making a bad choice. But he just kicked me out of his life altogether,"

"If Jackson's what you want, then you need to go after him. Maybe it's a good thing that Matt threw that stupid ass party. It shows you who wanted you for you, ya know?"

"Mhm," I told him.

"He'll come around. You're not out of his life for forever. He's upset, too you know. We all know you guys are going to fall in love and get married one day,"

I chuckled at that remark. That was true. "Are they at the clubhouse?"

"I'm not telling you," he joked. "I didn't come over to give you a lecture on boys, Bre. I knew something like this was going to happen, so I got my lecture ready and then I gathered up some plans for us for tonight. I wanted you to help me shop for Christmas presents, then maybe we could go grab a very late dinner,"

I smiled. "Sounds way better than what my plans were,"

"I agree. So, go upstairs and wash all that make-up off your face so we can hurry up and go to the mall before they close,"

I gave Colton an awkward side-hug when he finished talking. "I love you, bro. I don't know where I'd be without you,"

"Probably sprawled out on the floor like I found you,"

"You're hilarious,"

"I try," he chuckled. "I love you too, little sis,"

* * *

The outing to the mall and to dinner was a success that night. He tried to keep my mind off of Jax the best that he could. I knew that they were all hanging out at the clubhouse though. "Why don't we head back home, pop in a Christmas movie and have some hot chocolate?" he suggested as we sat in our regular booth at T's. "We can go to my house though. Not moms,"

"Sounds good," I replied. Colton had helped me a lot through that night. It was nice of him to do, especially since it was rare that we spent this much time together anymore. We headed back to my house after we finished up at the restaurant and popped 'Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer' into the VHS player.

"You sit down, I'll make the hot chocolate," he insisted, as Colton made his way into the kitchen.

"Whatever you say," I said, grabbing a comforter from the side of the couch. It was no surprise to me that when I sat down, however the doorbell rang.

"Where is she?" I heard Opie's voice ask Colton, as the three of them stood in the doorway.

"Living room,"

"What?" Brantli asked him. "I thought she had that date with Matt tonight," it was nearing 11 o'clock and I guess she thought we'd be out past 10.

"I know," Colton replied. "Things weren't going so well, so she called me and had me pick her up,"

"She got stood up, didn't she?" Jax asked.

"You know I am in the living room and can hear you guys,"

Colton didn't speak a word, but Opie replied that he was going to beat his face in. Brantli stormed into the living room, and saw me sitting on the couch.

"Hi," I told her. I was so upset at this point. I hadn't spoken to her in a few days and wasn't too sure how our first interaction since the fight would be.

"You poor thing!" she called out, as she rushed over to give me a hug. "It's okay. He was kind of a conceited ass anyway,"

"I'm over it. Believe me,"

"I'll stay the night tonight, okay?"

"You don't have to, Brantli if you'd rather be with Opie,"

"He doesn't matter right now. The greatest girl in the world just got stood up and she needs her best friend," I guess stood up was the story that we were going with.

"You're the sweetest, I swear," "I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you,"

"I know," she shrugged her shoulders as the guys made their way into the living room. "You should start listening to me more. I'm right about most things,"

"I told them they could stay," Colton spoke up, as the guys followed him into the living room. "If that's okay with you guys,"

"I'd just like to say that I didn't stand you up, and I love Bumbles and I want to stay," Opie replied. We all burst out in a sea of laughter.

Jax looked at me, as our eyes met. No laugh. No "I told you so." He just sighed and said "I'm sorry,"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Shit happens, right?"

"Yes, yes it does. Now, Arabella and Jackson, shut up so that I can hear the snowman sing and I can cuddle with my baby,"

"You're strange, Opie," I told him.

"Brantli doesn't seem to mind too much," he kissed her on the forehead, as she did one better and kissed his lips. The duo headed to the other couch, as Jackson and I sat on the elongated one—keeping our distance. We still weren't "there" yet—and that was okay with me, I guess. Colton made his way into the living room, passing out the hot chocolate mugs to us. There were no toasts, no laughing. It was just us, beginning to patch up whatever we had lost these past few weeks. As the movie started though, I couldn't help but remind myself to not cuddle with Jackson—although every moral fiber in my body wanted to.

"You're gonna find your prince charming soon," he told me, as the movie had ended. Everyone else was asleep. "I promise you,"

"I'm not in a rush. But if it happens, it happens,"

And God did I want it to happen with Jackson.

**A/N: Sorry for the back and forth between Aubrey and Jax! You guys will love me in the next few chapters if you are rooting for them (and, how could you not be?!) any of you think you know what's going to happen?! There's going to be a lot of jumping around here until I reach their senior year so bare with me. Thank you for all of the love.** **If you have any ideas for me and want to see anything, please let me know. I have the rough plot in my head and fillers would be nice too. The continued support means so much. Also, GO BUCKEYES! My state football team won the National Championship last night (that's why I posted three chapters today!) love you all!**


	9. Chapter 9

_**December, 1992**_

I guess it wasn't too shocking when Christmas break had finally decided to greet us on a Friday afternoon. Finals were completed, homework packets were sent out and report cards were sent home. I was elated—all A's. I couldn't believe that I'd accomplished that. My mom and dad were going to be so proud of me. If only they were home…

They'd made plans to go out on a one week cruise to Hawaii. Their marriage counselor said that it would be best, and might end up patching things up between them. They had been fighting a lot lately, over money and other silly things. When I asked if I could go with, they told me that they'd love to take me with, but couldn't. To be honest, I was really upset with the entire thing. Especially when they told me where I'd be staying for a whole week: the Teller's. How fantastic.

Walking home with Jackson was unusual today. Opie and Brantli didn't go to school today, so it was just the dynamic duo. If only we still were that.

"My mom's probably going to be baking when we go in," Jax for-warned me, as we made our way across the crosswalk. We were told to come straight to the Teller's and to not go to the clubhouse today. It was all fine with me, especially because I was still beyond humiliated about a few Saturday's ago.

"Oh, alright," I told him, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. However, it wasn't.

"How's Matt?"

"How would I know?" I asked. I haven't talked to him and I declined the duet and decided to go with another song in the Christmas concert. Mrs. Hilliard was so upset, but understood when I began to get choked up about it. Matt ended up dropping the class altogether. I guess he could be kissing USC goodbye.

"I was just wondering," Jax said under his breath. The conversation ended there, and we were silent until we reached the front door of the Teller's home. It was a familiar sight and made me feel a sort of nostalgia. The tree was set up in front of the oversized front glass window in the living room. The tree itself was bare, and no presents sat under it either. The rest of the living room was covered in garland and the usual Christmas knick-knacks. John was real big on this holiday stuff. I could only imagine that they didn't want things to be different this year. John ended up leaving last week. Brantli had told me that they got into a huge argument and he couldn't take the stress here anymore so, back to Belfast he went. The aroma of freshly baked cookies and cinnamon lingered throughout the house, while Christmas carols played on the stereo. I couldn't help but smile as I made my way into the kitchen to be greeted by Clay and Gemma.

"Hi stranger," Clay told me, as I made my way over to them. I couldn't tell you the last time I saw either one of them—which was pathetic. To go from spending every day over here to hardly ever coming around made me sad. I blamed Jax, but I also blamed myself.

"Hi," I told him back, as I gave him an awkward side hug. Gemma greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"You want to help? I just put the last batch of chocolate chip cookies in. I was planning on making the peanut butter ones next,"

"Absolutely," I told her.

"Jax, can you take Aub's stuff up to the guest room? I've got it all set up for her,"

"Jax, it's okay. You don't have to."

"That's nonsense. He can do it. Can't you?" Gemma asked him.

"Sure," he shrugged his shoulders. I handed him both my suitcase and my duffle bag.

"Thank you," I replied, as Gemma motioned for me to grab an apron.

"How have you been honey? We haven't seen you around lately,"

"I know. I've been real busy with school," was the rational answer that I could give both of them. I grabbed the large, red mixing bowl off of the opposite counter and walked back over to where I was standing. Gemma handed me the recipe card, and I began rummaging through the ingredients that were already set out.

"What kind of grades did you get?"

"Straight A's," I chuckled.

"Gee, maybe we should hire you to tutor Jax sometime. His grades were awful,"

I couldn't even say anything. Jax had a nact for skipping class regularly.

"Oh wow, not even a laugh? You and Jax okay?"

Clay took a long sip of his beer as Gemma asked this question. I could tell he was waiting for an answer to this question, too. Jax was probably eavesdropping at the top of the stairs waiting for the reply. Why was this anyone's business about Jax and me? Aren't people allowed to drift apart?

"No, not really," I chuckled shyly and adjusted the scarf around my neck. "But, I think we'll be okay. Hopefully," I really hoped we would be okay. Jax was my best friend. I never hoped—or wanted to—lose the best thing that's ever happened to me. Gemma and Clay both rolled their eyes as I went back to furiously mixing the cookie dough together. I'd given myself one week to either get over him completely and go back to just being friends or ask him how he felt. I didn't have the courage to do either. Why did life have to be so difficult?

* * *

"Jax, you shouldn't be eating all of the popcorn. Some of it does have to do on the tree you know,"

"Ah, fuck! Who the hell put these damn lights away like this last year?!"

"I can't find any of the ornaments, Gemma. Do you know where they might be?"

"Really, Clay? You don't know how to close the match box when you're done with them?!"

There was such commotion going on in the Teller's living room that night, I didn't know what to make of it. Assortments of white lights were thrown all over the carpeted floor. The smell of freshly baked cookies was no longer in the air. It'd been replaced by the smell of popcorn. Brantli and I had been rummaging through the attic to try to find all of the boxes of Christmas decorations. Opie, Jax, and Clay were seated on the floor in front of the fireplace attempting to get more of the lights out of the tangled messes that they were stuck in. Well, Clay was working at the lights. The boys were eating popcorn, in attempt to string it. Gemma was seated on the couch, enjoying multiple hits off of her cigarette. She was the most stressed of all of us.

"Want some, mom?" Jax asked, sticking the bowl in front of Gemma's face.

"You're a fucking jokester, aren't you?" Gemma laughed.

"Nah, I'm just trying to piss you off."

"It's succeeding, buddy."

"Son of a bitch. Jackson, could you stop stringing popcorn for just one fucking second and help me out here?" Clay asked him.

"It's just a few lights, bro. Quit your whining," Jax joked, setting the bowl of popcorn down next to Opie.

"I'm gonna backhand you in about two seconds," Clay told him. He was serious.

"We found them," Brantli told Gemma, as we made our way back into the living room carrying two cardboard boxes full of ornaments.

"Thank God," Gemma finished her cigarette off and threw the squished butt in the ashtray on the coffee table.

"I'm on the last string of lights," Clay announced. "So, we'll start doing those in a minute."

As soon as he said that, each one of us grabbed an untangled string and grasped it in our hands. Clay wrapped his strand around the tree first seconds later. Soon, the 8 ½ foot tree was covered top to bottom in beautiful, twinkling lights. Next came the few strings of popcorn that the boys had finished. One strand went on the top, with one a little more down in the middle of the tree.

Once the exterior of the tree was finally decorated, the only task we had left to do was to put the ornaments on. Jax opened up the first cardboard box and began to put the circular balls on the tree. They ranged from silver to bright pink, and brought the tree to life. After those were put up, we began putting the novelty ornaments on. First went a Harley Davidson bike ornament which was a representative of the family in general. After that came both Thomas' and Jax's 'My first Christmas' ornaments. Afterwards came a key labeled 'our first Christmas', representing John and Gemma's first Christmas at this house. I picked up Bobby's Elvis ornament and smiled as I hung it on a branch.

"Oh my God," I heard Opie say under his breath, as he picked up an ornament that they had specially made for Thomas. It was in the shape of an angel and read 'I love you all dearly, so don't shed a tear; I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year."

"My mom got that for them," I told him. On the back, it read 'Thomas Wayne Teller' with his date of birth and his date of death. It was heartbreaking, really to think Thomas wouldn't be here again this year.

"Who's Thomas?" Brantli asked me.

"Jax's brother that passed away two years ago," I couldn't believe it'd already been two years.

"Holy shit," Brantli said under her breath. She placed her ornament—a grim reaper—farther down the tree.

"I'm gonna take it this one's Aubrey's," Jax spoke aloud, as he picked up a figure of Belle. I had forgot that I even had an ornament in the box. It's kind of outdated. I think it was time for a new one.

"I think so," Gemma told him. He smiled at me, before placing it on the tree.

After placing a few more novelty ornaments on there, Clay slipped the tree skirt on the bottom of it. Gemma pulled the gold star out of the bottom of the box, and said 'Who wants to place the star on top?'

"Let the kids do it," Clay told us.

"No, Clay. I think you should," Jax told him.

"Why me, kiddo?" he asked.

"Because you've been here for me this year when the fucktard that my mom married bailed. You've helped us out so much. You deserve to put it up there,"

Clay smiled at all of us, and gave Jax a huge hug. He'd never had a family of his own, so I could tell this was the closest one that he had. If John never came back home, I could definitely see him and Gemma getting together—as weird as that may sound. The way they looked at each other was much like how Jax and I did: like they were in love. Without any further hesitation, Clay grabbed the star from Gemma, got up on the step stool, and placed it at the top of the tree.

"Now, that's a Christmas tree," he said. We all were taken aback. It was beautiful and being here tonight with them just felt so right.

* * *

The commotion had finally settled down within the next two hours. Brantli and Opie made their way up to the other two guest rooms that the Teller's house had. It was near 11 when we all finally settled down to go to bed. I was exhausted: both mentally and emotionally.

I had just finished changing into a pair of long black, white, and gray flannel pajama pants and a gray t-shirt when I heard a knock at the bedroom door. "Come in," I called to the person on the other side. The door creaked open, only to reveal Jackson Teller standing there. "Oh God, what do you want?" That had come out rather mean, I'll have to admit it.

"Gemma told me to tell you to shut your window because it's supposed to snow tonight."

I looked at Jax with a puzzled expression on my face. "Uh, okay? Thanks,"

He cleared his throat. "You're welcome,"

"You didn't come in here just to tell me to shut my window, did you?"

"Nope," he smiled his infamous smile. "Can I come in?"

I couldn't say no to him. "Sure," I took a seat at the top of the queen sized bed, as he sat on the edge of it. "So, what's up?"

"I just wanted to talk."

"About?"

"These past few months," he sighed.

"Alright," Here we go. Again.

"I was an idiot."

"Yes, yes you were," I couldn't agree with him more.

"I'm just scared, okay? I'm fucking terrified,"

"Of what, Jackson?!"

"Of disappointing you!" he exclaimed. I never thought that he'd say that to me. "You're the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. I'll say it once, and I'll say it again. You mean the world to me. I'm never going to let you go,"

"What do you mean let me go? You don't have me, Jackson!"

"But, I could," he started. "And, once I have you I'm never letting go."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm never letting go of you, ever. I'm going to do my best to protect you with every moral fiber in my body. I'm going to love you until the day I die, Aubrey Nevaeh,"

I could feel my throat begin to tighten. I needed to stop myself from crying before I did. "Okay,"

"I want to be with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to know everything about you—even though I already know pretty much everything there is to know. I want to marry you, and raise a family with you. I want our kids to have kids so that we can become grandparents and spoil the hell out of them because I never had that. I want to sit on the back porch of our homes in our rocking chairs and look back on our lives," he was getting really worked up about all of this. So was I. "I want you to be my old lady. I know I've made a lot of mistakes and I've ignored you for the past month. I'm really, really sorry baby. I never want that to happen again. And, it won't."

"Why now, Jackson? Why all of a sudden?" I began to make my way down to the edge of the bed. "I've made a lot of mistakes too. And I need to own up to them. The whole Matt bullshit. I never should have lied and I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it. That's water under the bridge," he said. It was silent for a couple of minutes.

"I've felt this way about you since I was seven," he began again. "I've never allowed myself to fall in love with you, though. I didn't want it to ruin our friendships or our hearts in the process. But, I realized that in life, you have to take chances to survive. You have to just go with your gut and…"

I leaned in to kiss him, as tears began trailing down from my eyes to my chin. "You talk too damn much,"

"I know," he laughed. "I love you."

"I know. You keep reminding me every second."

I could feel his baby blue eyes look into my green ones. It sent chills up and down my trembling body. My heart was racing faster than it had been in a long time.

"I have a question for you though," he said.

"Shoot," I replied.

"Will you be my old lady?" he chuckled. I knew it was coming but I still couldn't believe it when he said it.

"What do you think?" I asked.

He nodded his head. It was his turn to kiss me, and he did just that.

"You want me to sleep in here, or do you want to come back to my room with me?"

"Gemma and Clay will kill us if they see us sleeping together,"

"Fuck them!" Jax exclaimed, as he wrapped his arm around me. I pulled the top comforter over us, followed by my Harley blanket.

"This is nice," I replied.

"Good. I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"I promise,"

It was insane how fate had its way of working out. There was nothing else in the world that I could possibly want for Christmas. Jax was anything and everything that I'd ever wanted—ever.

* * *

The following morning, I woke up in the arms of my newly declared boyfriend. It was nice, for a change.

"Good morning beautiful," he told me.

"Morning," I replied back, as he kissed my forehead.

"Look outside," he instructed.

I immediately threw the blankets off of my body and rushed to the window on the opposite side of the room. A thick, 2 foot blanket of pure, white snow covered the ground. And, it was still managing to come down. California weather was so weird and unpredictable, especially since we were up in the northern part by Washington. It didn't bother me much though. I loved snow.

"What did you want to do today?" he asked me, as I crawled back into bed.

"I don't know. What is there to do?" There really wasn't much to do in Charming. That was one of the downfalls of living in such a small town.

Jax smiled. "I mean, I've got a plan. You owe me a rain check, remember?"

I'd almost forgotten about it until Jackson said something. I had cancelled plans that we had a few weekends ago and told him that he would have to take a rain check. "Oh yeah, that's right,"

"So, I'll take that rain check now," he started. "I have a great day planned for us."

"And, Brantli and Opie too, right?"

"If you insist, Bre," We barely did anything without them.

"I do. Thanks."

"You're difficult to cooperate with in the morning."

I laughed. "I'm gonna take a quick shower."

"Can I join you?"

"Can I punch you?" I asked him jokingly.

He leaned back on one of the pillows and pouted—one of the many Jackson Teller faces that drove me crazy.

It was freezing by the time I shooed Jax out of the room after my shower. I dressed in a pair of straight legged denim jeans that hugged each one of my curves, followed by a blank tank top and a white sweater, my cropped leather jacket, and teal scarf. My makeup was kept simple, and my naturally curly hair hung flat around my face. I slipped my boots on and began to make my way down to the Teller's kitchen. Neither Clay nor Gemma were home, meaning that they were at the clubhouse. The snow kept falling down outside.

"Oh, look. You're finally ready," Opie told me.

"Good morning to you, too," I replied to his smart-ass comment.

"Let's go!" Jax exclaimed, as we made sure to grab gloves from the closet.

The day began with us heading out for a quick breakfast at T's. It was decorated for Christmas, and felt like it as soon as we walked in. The hot chocolate was bottomless and the pancakes hit the spot. We trekked on to a few small shops in downtown Charming with the boys in our ears making us tell them when we saw something that caught our eye. Christmas Eve was tomorrow, and if they didn't buy our presents yet, they were screwed. There wasn't much to do at all. The snow had started coming down again and the temperature was dropping drastically, making it too cold to walk anywhere.

"You guys ready to go?"

"I am if you guys are. It's your rain check day," I told Jackson.

"It's too cold though. It shouldn't be snowing," he chuckled. I guess none of us were really used to the weather yet.

"Jax and I actually have to go do something at the clubhouse so we'll walk with you guys back to Aubrey's"

"That's fine," Brantli told them.

We continued our stroll back. The wind was so cold and made my nose run and my fingers numb each time it blew in our direction. We said goodbye to our boys and headed into my house. It was so warm in here. I didn't want to leave.

"Did you see this?" Brantli asked me, as she grabbed a box off of the front porch.

"No, I didn't," I said, curiosity lingering over me.

"Open it!" she exclaimed. I ripped the white box open almost immediately after she said that and was surprised to what was inside. There was a simple, yet elegant short sleeved black dress, a beautiful diamond heart necklace, a rose, and a note. On the note, it simply said "Hi beautiful. Wear this tonight. Your ride will be there at eight. Love you!"

"Whoa," I replied.

"Looks like someone has a date tonight," Brantli said, in a sing-song voice.

* * *

When 8pm finally came about, I was more excited than I was nervous. Tig was my ride and he was waiting outside for me by Gemma's Tahoe. He was dressed sharply in a pair of black slacks, a nice white button up, and his cut.

"He roped you into this, too?!" I asked him, as he opened up the passenger side door.

"I'm not saying anything," he replied, as he climbed into the drivers seat. He instructed me to put on a blind fold, and I slipped the white bandana over my made-up eyes. I kept growing impatient with each stop that Tig had made in the vehicle. When we reached our destination though, I couldn't be more relieved. He had helped me out of the vehicle and led me up to my stopping point. I took my bandana off, and saw Jax sitting on the bench of the gazebo. It was located behind the park in Charming Circle and was decorated with a million twinkling lights, garland, and bows.

"Have fun kids," he told us, as he began to walk back towards the vehicle.

"What's all this?" I asked Jax. It looked stunning. He did, too. A red-button up and a pair of black slacks. Red looked good on him.

"Early Christmas present," he told me, as I took a seat next to me.

"Wow," was the only phrase that I could manage to say.

"Are you hungry?" he asked me, as he grabbed out two plates wrapped in foil. Inside was Gemma's famous lasagna and two pieces of homemade garlic toast. As we ate, we sat in silence. I was still blown away at what Jax had done.

"Nice work, Teller," I told him, as we finished our dinner.

"It's not finished yet," he laughed, as he grabbed out a box of chocolates. Our thing when we were younger was to try each piece and see how we liked them. Most of the time, they were disgusting. A few pieces turned out to be really good though. The first one that I grabbed and bit into was coconut. "Disgusting," I told him, as he watched me make an unflattering facial expression.

As we sifted through the box of candy, the snow began to pick back up. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too. This is amazing, Jax. You really are romantic, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "Oh you know, I try," he laughed. He reached over onto the ground and pressed play on a cassette. I noticed the song within the first couple of chords.

"You remember this?" he asked me.

"Yes," I replied. It was George Strait's "I Cross My Heart" from the movie that we had watched on the first night of our freshman year. "It's our song."

"Seeing as how we didn't dance nearly enough at homecoming," he started. "Do you want to dance with me?"

"Of course," I smiled. He lead me out onto the bottom of the steps in front of the gazebo. He began to twirl and spin me around, with a few occasional dips. When the song ended, I couldn't help but kiss him.

"Merry Christmas, angel. I love you," he told me.

"I love you too," I replied to him. And in that moment, that exact moment, I knew that I had fallen deeply and madly in love with Jackson Nathaniel Teller.

* * *

The snow had picked up so bad as the afternoon of Christmas Eve had approached us. It was just Jax, Gemma, Clay and I partaking in the annual Teller family traditions this year. My mom and dad had called me to tell me how great Hawaii was. It was upsetting that I couldn't spend the holidays with them. But, I was right where I wanted to be.

"I don't know if we should even go to church," I overheard Gemma and Clay talking downstairs, as I finished curling the last bit of my blonde highlighted hair.

"We've got to, Gemma. We go every year."

"Do you see the snow outside?" Gemma said, with concern in her voice.

"The church is right up the road. I think we'll be okay," Clay chuckled. They were silent for a moment after that—probably so they could kiss. It didn't bother me much. Gemma deserved to be happy. Wow, was I actually saying something nice about her? Haha, just kidding of course. I loved her like another mother and she didn't deserve any of the shit that John was doing to her.

Every year, majority of SAMCRO went to church on Christmas Eve—and Christmas Eve only. They really weren't men of God—the war had changed some of their views on that one. My mom and dad however were religious and made Colton, Braison and myself go to church whenever we could when we were younger. Once we reached the age of 15, however, we could decide whether or not if we wanted to go. My answer differed on the day, a lot of the time. I enjoyed going, but, I didn't think it was right to be judged for the things I'd done wrong in life. So far, it was just smoking and almost making love to Jackson Teller. This day in age, that was pretty close to sainthood.

We thought we'd stop off at Thomas' gravesite first. Jackson gripped tighter to me as Gemma had us say a prayer. Gemma and Clay were both hiding behind their sunglasses, as the sun tried to break through the clouds. We set poinsettias down and said our goodbyes, making our way back to Gemma's SUV. We all couldn't bare to be there any longer. I didn't understand why this Christmas had to be so difficult.

Christmas Eve service at St. James was always the longest—especially with my nephew attempting to sit on the lap of my black pencil skirt. SAMCRO normally took up 6 pews in the front of the church. Most of the town thought the club was somewhat of a nuisance, but the guys had an 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. They were here because Gemma wanted them to be here. And, it was the right thing to do.

Paisley fell asleep on my chest before service had ended. I handed him off to Alyssa, whom thanked me up and down for holding onto him. It wasn't too often that I saw them, so it was the least I could do. Brantli and Opie were seated in front of Jax and I. We had our hands intertwined in each other's and were paying close attention to the everlasting sermon that Father Pat was speaking about.

Once he finished, we were told to light our candles, as the music for 'Silent Night' began. We were told to sing it in English, and then in German as 'Stile Nacht'. As soon as the service ended, we all sprinted out the doors of the church and headed back to the clubhouse.

Each year, we all got to open one present. Brantli was excited to take part in our annual traditions. I knew what the present was before even opening it: pajamas. We got pajamas every fucking year.

This year though, it was a pair of Beauty and the Beast pajama bottoms with a purple long sleeved shirt. This was probably Jackson's doing, but the front of the box was labeled from The Tellers.

"Thank you," I replied back to her.

"Anytime, kiddo."

I was so tempted to give Jax his present tonight, but, Brantli did me one better. "Can I talk to you?" she asked me, as the girls began setting up for dinner.

"Sure," I replied, as she took me by the hand and led me into the guest bedroom. "Is something wrong?"

"Well, I mean…I don't know."

"Brantli, you're my best friend. You can tell me anything."

"You've gotta promise you won't tell a soul, okay?"

"Alright," I said, as she stuck her pinky out. I crossed mine with hers, as she inhaled, then exhaled deeply.

I wasn't expecting these next words to come out of her mouth, so, when they did, I was taken back.

"I'm pregnant."


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up on Christmas morning was such a special moment for the both of us. We had spent many Christmases together, however this one meant so much. It was our first Christmas as a couple and it would be one that we would remember for the rest of our lives. We were going to soak up every moment of it.

We crept down the stairs upon Gemma's request that morning. Our stockings were hung by the fireplace that overlooked the living room. Gemma told us to look through those first. It was a few little trinkets: lottery tickets, a nail polish, and a few candy bars. It was a truly nice gesture. We all took a seat on the floor by the Christmas tree: Jax, Gemma, Clay, and I. It was nice, just the four of us for a change. There were only a few presents placed under the tree but it didn't matter much. Christmas, for me wasn't about gifts. It was about spending time with your family and those that you loved.

When Jax finally got to my present after the ones from Gemma and Clay, I was grinning ear to ear. "To Teller, love Springsteen," he read aloud. He began to take the tissue paper out of the bag and remove the contents. Inside was a $150 gift card to the Harley Davidson store, a vintage Harley shirt, and a really gorgeous Armani leather jacket.

"Bre," he told me, once all of his gifts were unwrapped. "You didn't have to do all of this."

"Stop. I wanted to. Gemma, Clay. Open yours" I told them. I had gotten Gemma a really nice makeup palet and one of those 'mother' bracelets that she had been eyeing up at the jewelry store. It had Jax and Thomas' birthstones on it. "It's a charm bracelet," I told her. "You can add more as you go along."

"It's gorgeous, sweetheart. Thank you."

I had gotten Clay something very similar to Jax's present: a new pair of riding boots, and a gift card.

"Thanks sweetie," he told me. "It's good to have you back, you know. And not just for the gifts. It's nice to see Jackson finally smiling."

"So I've been told," I laughed, and looked at Jackson. "It's good to be back."

"Open the ones from us," Clay told me, as he passed a box my way. Inside was a really nice Coco Chanel perfume set and a matching purse. It was black, and had the CC emblem on the front of it.

"Wow. Thank you guys so much," I told them.

"Hey, you're family. It's the least we could do."

Jackson pushed the box from him my way. "Saved the best for last," he told me. And it truly was. Inside was a pale pink, embroidered leather jacket with my name on the front and the crow emblem on the back. There's a tradition in the family: when you are married to or are the old lady of one of the members of the club, you get a tattoo on a part of your body of the crow. "Since you're too chicken to get a tattoo," he told me. And that I was. "Check the pocket," inside of it sat a small box from Kay. I opened it up, and it held in it a set of 14 karat white gold diamond earrings.

"Jax," I told him softly.

"Merry Christmas my love," he replied.

"Merry Christmas."

* * *

Part of me still didn't know what to say to Brantli when I saw her. The clubhouse was in such an uproar that I didn't know if I'd get to talk to her at all. It was a small, SAMCRO styled Christmas party, but the clubhouse was packed per usual. People were pulling me in every direction to tell me how gorgeous I'd gotten since they last saw me, or offer me a drink. I had graciously accepted the shot of Jack Daniels given to me courtesy of one of the bar maids and Chibs tried to keep his laughter inside when my face turned red with disgust after downing it. Christmas carols played overhead, making it hard to talk to most of the people that were at the party. A lot of the times, we had to repeat ourselves. By the time Lenny tried to have a conversation with me, I gave up and sat down on one of the bar stools.

"Hey baby," Jax said, making his way over to me.

"Hey!" I screamed.

"So I was thinking," he started, taking a seat at the empty stool next to me. "We needed to kiss,"

"And why is that?" I chuckled.

"You're sitting under the mistletoe, of course."

I couldn't help but laugh at his silly attempt to be cute and romantic yet again. I kissed him softly on the lips, as Colton eyed on from afar. He gave me a thumbs up. My brother had helped me so much through that night from hell and we were beginning to get close again.

"Hey, Aubs. Brantli said she needed to talk to you," Opie said, as he made his way over to us.

"Oh my gosh where is she?!" I asked, immediately standing up. I made my way into the guest room as Opie replied to my question. I found her in there, face buried in her hands crying.

"What's wrong?!" I asked her as I shut the door and made my way over to the bed.

"Aubs," she started, as I stared at her. "I'm so happy you're here,"

"Opie said you were looking for me. Why aren't you out there?"

"I don't know. I'm just sad."

"I know," I said, putting my hand on the middle of her back.

"I haven't taken the test yet. I'm just in here making myself sick over it. Can you stay in here with me while I take it?"

"Yeah, of course," I told her, as my attention was focused on the timer sitting next to us. "What did OP say when you told him that you might be pregnant,"

"He was really supportive. He told me we would cross the bridge when we got to it,"

"Oh, well that's good," I told him. "At least he's being supportive,"

"I'm so scared, Aubs. I'm terrified. I can't raise a baby. I'm not ready to become a mother."

"What are you going to do if you are?"

"My god I don't even know," she said in disbelief. "It was an accident and now, now I could be messing my entire life up!"

"You're not!" I interjected. "Brantli. You're strong. Come on. You have been through so much this year. You're the strongest girl that I know."

She didn't say anything after that, because she knew that I was right. The test only took about five minutes, but we still jumped when we heard the timer go off. She made her way into the bathroom to check it and had tears in her eyes when she came out.

"So? What does it say?"

"I'm not! It's negative," she interjected, the tears still falling.

"So happy tears?" I asked her, with a little bit of laughter in my voice.

"Happy tears," she replied, making her way over to the bed to give me a hug.

"There's a nice wake-up call for you!" I told her, more laughter in each word.

"I'm never having sex again," she told me and I think she meant it.

"You wanna go back outside?" I asked her, pointing to the door.

"I have your gift to give you first, silly," she said, as she pulled an envelope out from her purse.

"Oh! I have yours too" it was so silly how we had changed the topic so fast.

"I didn't want Jax to get jealous when I gave these to you," she started. "But I know how much you love him, so I wanted to get these for you"

Inside were two concert tickets to the Bruce Springsteen show taking place next summer. "Are you serious?!"

"Yeah! We are going! I'm so excited."

"That's insane!" I yelled. I still couldn't believe it. My mom had raised me on his music and he was my favorite artist ever, so I was so happy and so over the moon to be going.

"Thank you," I told her, as she began to open my present that I had gotten her. It seemed silly now, next to hers. It was a really nice leather Coach purse that I had spotted while we were downtown the other day and it reminded me so much of her, so I picked it up.

"No, I love it," was all she could say back. "Thanks for being here for me this year."

"We went through so much shit. We both deserve to be happy,"

"Let's get back out there. I wanna tell Opie the good news," she said, as she wiped her eyes again.

"Okay," I replied. As she made her way to the door, I had to tell her what was on my mind "Hey Brantli?" I asked

"What's up?" she replied

"Thanks for sticking by my side these past couple of months. I know I can be a pain, but you're a good person. I'm sorry if I've been pushing you away. I don't mean to."

"Don't sweat it," she laughed. I knew she would. "You're my best friend. And I've never had one before," she replied. "So I put up with it because you mean the world to me. I couldn't see me being friends with anyone else."

Brantli was truly my best friend. The slot that Jax once held was taken up by her. She was the best friend that I had ever had, next to him of course. But now that he and I were together, it was time to make room for her in my life: more than I had these past few months where I just kept pushing her away. As we all gathered back in the clubhouse, the commotion had settled down for the time being. I was pleased with how this Christmas had turned out. Although my parents weren't here, I had my second family to spend the holiday with. That was the most important thing, after all. All of us had different things on our minds, but we were enjoying each other's company. I couldn't imagine spending this day with anyone else.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Before I begin this chapter, I'm warning you to grab a large box of tissues. Got them? Good. Place them next to you because if you are highly involved and love this story and these characters, you will be using them for the next few chapters. I apologize in advance**.

New Year's Eve reluctantly followed after Christmas. This year had flown by, if anything. And, I was ready. I was ready to pass freshman year and go onto being a sophomore, and fall even more in love with my boyfriend. Boyfriend. Man, that still felt weird to say. I was going to make the most out of this year. This was going to be my year.

We didn't have any definite plans for tonight. My mom and dad's plane was going to be landing tomorrow morning, so Jax and I thought it might be a good thing to not go over my house and stay clear of it, considering I didn't want my parents to come home to a mess. Heading back to the Teller's, I could tell something wasn't right. Everything seemed okay, though. There was an un-calming chill in the atmosphere despite the fact the fireplace was going.

"You guys doing anything special tonight?" Gemma asked us, as we made our way into the kitchen. She stood over the stove, stirring what smelt like chicken noodle soup.

"Nah, probably not," Jax and I both took a seat at the kitchen table.

"You're welcome to stay here or come to the clubhouse. I just don't want you guys roaming the streets after eleven, alright?

"Yes, mother dearest," Jackson chuckled. Gemma gave him a dirty look.

"What's going on at the clubhouse?"

"Nothing special, really. They guys are all going to be over there, and I figured that LuAnn and I would join them. We could always use another old lady,"

"Tempting," I said to her. "I'm sure that's what we'll end up doing."

"Heard from your mom and dad?"

"Yep, they called last night. Their plane lands tomorrow."

"I bet you'll be happy to go home, huh?"

"You're hilarious," I joked.

"Well, you know you're welcome here anytime hun."

"I know. Thanks," I told her.

"Go get changed, you guys," we looked at her profoundly. "Not together, separate. It's already going on 4:30. I want to be there by at least six."

* * *

Brantli, Jax, Opie and I had managed to lock ourselves up in one of the far back rooms. Opie had brought in a bottle of Crown Royal, Absolut, and Jack Daniels as well as four shot glasses. Jax carried in a small plastic bag. I knew just what it was as soon as he placed it in front of us.

"And how are we going to smoke that, bro?"

"Relax. There's a pipe in the top drawer over there," Jax said, taking a drag off of his cigarette.

"Are you girls going to join us?" Opie asked, looking at both Brantli and I.

"You can count me in," Brantli chuckled.

"I don't think so," I told them. Jax rolled his eyes.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously,"

"At least try it," A lot of the guys in the club smoked weed—and by a lot, I mean all—and it didn't bother me. It was just something I really didn't care for, to be honest. I would do a few shots though: even after my massive hangover the day after Christmas.

"Guys, back off. If she doesn't want to smoke, she doesn't have to," Jax took a hit.

"No, I will. Pass it over," I couldn't believe I was doing this. I took a hit, mimicking what Jax had just done. My head began to feel lighter, and my eyes started watering. "Fuck!" I exclaimed, coughing soon after. Opie opened up the bottle of Absolut and poured the liquid into each one of the small shot glasses.

"Now, this is a party."

I could feel the vodka burn my throat and warm me up as soon as I sat the shot glass down.

We had smoked an entire thirty sack and finished off the bottle of Crown before Colton made his way into the guest room. He had to scream over "Free Bird" which Opie had had on repeat for the past hour now. "They're turning on the countdown right now. You guys might want to come out."

We were fucked if any of the adults smelt weed or booze on us. I handed each of them a piece of gum from my purse. I took my body spray out and wasted almost the entire bottle on the all of them.

Clay wasn't stupid though, and he could tell as soon as they walked out into the rec room of the clubhouse. "You guys blazing up back there?"

Jax, Brantli, Opie, and I starting laughing, as Clay joined in. "Sit down before you hurt yourselves," he told them.

They did as they were told, taking unoccupied seats on the floor. We were soon seated in front of the small television. All of the guys were dressed in their cuts, and wore Happy New Year hat's on their head. Jax handed me a pair of glasses with a 9 and a 3 on them, along with a Happy New Year tiara. I placed it on top of my crimped hair, and scooted closer to him. Gemma passed out empty glasses and noise makers. Chibs, Colton, Braison and Bobby were in charge of the confetti, and Tig handed each of the teenagers a container of silly string. They were mostly cramped on the couch, with some of them standing around us. LuAnn and Big Otto were seated at the bar, with Gemma and Clay alongside them Piney stood next to Tig behind the couch. Alyssa and Paisley sat close to Braison on the floor. Paisley was beginning to get sleepy, as he cuddled up against Alyssa's chest.

"Good evening, guys. There are only a few more minutes to go before it's officially 1993!" Dick Clark announced. He was reporting live from Time's Square in New York City, a place that I was going to be someday.

"I would love to go there on New Year's Eve," I spoke aloud amongst the guys.

"That would be pretty sweet," Gemma said, taking another sip of her beer.

"We're going to start the countdown clock now. 59, 58, 57, 56…"

Jax pulled me closer to him. I felt bad for most of the guys that didn't have anyone to kiss on New Year's Eve. They all deserved someone. They were all nice, sweet, genuine guys. "30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24…" Clay grabbed three bottles of champagne from behind the bar. "19, 18, 17, 16…"

"Here we go!" Bobby yelled.

"10, 9, 8," we were all counting out loud now. "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!" as the ball dropped, the champagne exploded, the confetti went flying in the air, the silly string began landing on people, noise makers went off, and Jax kissed me on the lips—one of our longest kisses to date.

"I love you. Happy new year."

"Happy New Year to you, too."

"Happy 1993, guys!" Brantli yelled out loud, as Gemma walked around pouring champagne in our glasses. We toasted to the new year, in hopes that it would be somewhat better than last.

* * *

Waking up that morning though, I could feel an uneasy feeling settle over me. I didn't know if it was from the champagne, the weed, or from the rush of it being another year, but something prompted me to shoot out of bed. Walking into the rec room of the clubhouse, most of the guys' eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Something had gone terribly wrong. Everyone was there except the two guys that always were—Colton and Chibs.

"Hey, baby. How are you?" Tig asked me.

"What's going on?" I asked him. I could feel my heart sink into my butt.

"You should probably sit down," Clay said, clearing his throat.

"Clay, what happened? Where's my brother?" I sighed.

"Aubrey."

My thought process stopped dead in its tracks. I knew what was coming, and I prepared for the worst. "Where the fuck is Colton?!"

Gemma looked at me, and let a tear fall from her face. "He's not here, sweetie,"

"What do you…?" I couldn't even finish my sentence.

"Something really bad happened last night. All of the guys got involved. There were shots fired unintentionally, and your brother jumped out in front to protect Jax," Clay began to explain. "He was admitted into the hospital this morning for bullet wounds. It went straight through him, sweetie."

"But he's okay, right?" I asked. I could feel my eyes become heavy with tears. "He's just at the hospital, right?

Clay shook his head. "He passed away this morning, honey."


	12. Chapter 12

**_January, 1993_**

The first time that I ever experienced a death in my family was right before we moved to Charming. My father's mother, my me-maw, had passed away from complications of a stroke. While I had only met her a handful of times, the drive up to Tennessee was a long and tedious one. My father had told us a lot of old stories about her and how she was stubborn but loved all of her children so much. She was the string that held my father's family together. Without her, the family began to fall apart. That's how Colton was for my family. He was the tough one out of us kids. While, yes Braison had strong qualities and courage to him, he wasn't strong like Colton was. Colton and I had grown up together. We had been there for each other through everything. He could make my day a million times better with a silly joke or just a laugh. That was something that he naturally possessed. It had been nearly two days since the news of his fatal homicide broke through our small community. Following the news, my parents plane landed as usual. Gemma and Clay were the ones that broke the news to them. They had conjured up a horrific lie, one that I couldn't even imagine telling my parents.

"It was a drive-by. We were all outside of the clubhouse, and these thugs came by in a commercial van. They opened up the door, and just started shooting. Your son stepped out in front of Jackson and the bullet went through his heart," as I watched my mother and father crumble at their dining room table, there was an uneasy tension in the air. My mom had a sense of pain and hurt in her eyes: one that I had never seen before. No words were spoken after that.

I haven't moved from my room. I haven't eaten, I haven't showered. I just sat, wallowing in the fact that my brother wouldn't be here anymore. He wouldn't burst through the door with one of those stupid grins on his face. He wouldn't call me at 2am when he was drunk and wanted to talk about the Oakland Raiders and how their team was complete shit this year. He would never get married. He would never become a father. He wouldn't be here when I struggled with my ACT test, when I got into college, or when I graduated high school. Brantli had stayed by my side the entire time. She would just lay in my bed with me, rubbing my back as I cried. She, too was silent.

"We just saw him a few hours ago. How could he be dead?!" those were some of the only words that I had spoken to her.

"I know, girly. I know."

The date of his funeral was set for a day from now. My mom was too shaken up to handle any of it, so Gemma had stepped in.

"You and Dennis were both there for me when my Thomas passed away. Now that Colton's gone, let me be there for you guys."

Jackson had came over multiple times. I didn't even want to see him. I didn't want to blame him for the fact that my brother had passed away. After all, it was Jax that he took the bullet for. It was Jax that he was protecting that night. He knew how much I loved him and how much more it would have hurt me that the man that I loved had died. Colton wouldn't have walked around with that cloud over his head. He took the easy way out and jumped in front. Some might call it bold and courageous. I called it being a coward.

"I just talked to Gemma," Brantli said, as she made her way into my room that gloomy afternoon. "We have to go pick out the flowers to go on the casket. If you don't want to go, it's okay. I can go instead."

I just shook my head. I knew that my mom and dad weren't going to go. They were barely approachable at this point. I had to be the strong one now. With a few brief words of encouragement, two cups of coffee, and a few hits off of Brantli's cigarette, I got up and got ready for the first time in two days. I stuck to baggy sweat pants and Colton's football hoodie.

"Hey, Aubrey," my mom spoke up from the couch.

"Yes?"

"Make sure you pick out something pretty."

"I will, mom," I assured her. We began to make our way down to the Teller's. Upon arrival, Gemma greeted us. All she could do was hold me as I cried while we stood in the entry way of the front door.

"I know baby. I know,"

As we broke apart, my face was somber. "Where's Jax?"

"He's at the clubhouse. He figured he would let you come around when you were ready. He knows how tough this is for you."

I nodded my head. "I don't even know what to say to him."

"That's okay honey. He knows. He's not mad," as Gemma wiped my tears away with the sleeve of her jacket, she sighed. "So, do you guys want to go get the flowers?"

After we responded, we made our way to her SUV. She didn't turn music on, and all she could do was look out of the window on our drive into town. "I told your mom that we could have the service at the funeral home or at the clubhouse. She didn't care which."

"They're more religious, so my guess would be the funeral home," I replied, clearing my throat. "But, Colton loved you guys. He loved the club. So, I would say the clubhouse."

Gemma nodded. "We can make it look really nice, sweetie. If you want to get a couple of CDs ready with music that he enjoyed so we can play that during the service, we can do that. Collages, too. I know Jax found a lot of comfort in doing that when Thomas passed," she said, as she pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home. A small flower shop was connected on the far right side of the building. As we made our way inside, the girls at the front desk got all of our information from us. "I have a couple of his personal belongings. We'll go get those for you," the skinny blonde said. The dark haired woman came back moments later with a Ziploc bag labeled "Springsteen, Colton" on the top. Inside were his wallet, his watch, and his pager. "The body is still at the coroner's office. He should be back by today," she started. "Are you guys planning to have the service here?"

"No," I spoke up.

"Some of the guys will be coming to get him later."

"Okay, great. When they come, bring the clothes that you'd like us to dress him in. We can pick out the casket and flowers with you ladies if you'd like. I know it's not ideal for most people to do. Was this your son?" she asked her.

"Yes," Gemma said. "Not biologically, but he might as well been. He was a lot like a son to me."

"He was my brother though. By blood," I said, as I looked into her eyes. She could see my pain and I could tell, the way that she hung her head.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

A few moments of awkward silence had passed before we made our way to the other side of the building. Inside were a ton of floral arrangements, different ribbons, and a ton of books. "We make everything here, so it will be ready when you guys get here tonight."

I nodded my head as we sat down at the small round table. I didn't even want to pick out flowers right now. As I flipped through the books and saw the different arrangements, it had begun to get that much more real. "I can't do this, Gemma I'm so sorry," I said, as I excused myself from the table and made my way outside.

"I'll go check on her," Brantli replied.

"No, sweetie I've got her. I'm so sorry. This will only take a moment."

"Take all the time you need," the receptionist spoke up.

"Aubrey!" Gemma exclaimed, as she sat down on the curb next to me.

"You didn't have to come out here. I'm okay by myself."

"Aubrey, look" she started. "I know this is hard, okay? I know what you're going through right now. I know that your heart has just been broken in half and that nothing seems real," she started. "But honey, death is all a part of life. It's part of SAMCRO. It's part of being human," Gemma Teller was a wise woman, and had always found a way with words. "Colton was a hero, honey. He went out a hero. God needed a hero. He needed your brother."

I looked at her, my eyes full of tears. "I don't know what to do, Gem. I'm going to miss him so much," I rested my head on her shoulder.

"He's not gone, honey. He's always going to be with you. He may not be here in person, but he'll be in your heart. You've got someone up there looking out for you now. He's always going to be that voice in your head telling you to not do something. He's always going to be watching over you, making sure that his little sister is okay," she was quiet for a moment. "He is going to watch you become an amazing woman. More amazing that you already are, Aubrey. And I mean it,"

I dried my eyes and looked at her. "I think I'm ready to go back in now," I told her. The faster that this was done, the faster I could go home.

"There's my girl," she told me, as we made our way back to entrance of the building.

"By the way," I turned to her. "Thank you."

"That's what family is for, right?"

* * *

After a grueling half an hour at the funeral home, we had finally settled on all of the floral arrangements and the casket that my brother would be buried in. We thanked the receptionists for all of their help and headed back towards the clubhouse. Brantli had went into my mom's to grab all of our photo albums while I sat quietly in the car with Gemma. "We've got some at TM too,"

At the clubhouse, most of the guys were there when we finally pulled our parking spot. Bobby and Clay were outside and gave me two huge hugs.

"Is Jax here?" I asked them.

"Yeah. He's inside with Opie."

Brantli and I began to make our way into SAMCRO's sacred hangout. It was weird not seeing Colton here with the other guys and it tugged on my heart strings. When I saw Jax, I couldn't help but jump into his arms instantly. With a gentle kiss on the lips, he smiled at me. "I'm so glad to see you,"

"You too, Teller," I told him.

"You need some help with those?" he asked, looking at the three poster boards that I had in my hands.

"Please," I told him.

"Absolutely," he replied.

Gemma set us up at the table in the middle of the rec room with all sorts of photo albums, picture frames: anything you could think of. Opie soon joined Brantli, Jax, and I. Tig had brought us over a couple of beers, and I couldn't say no.

"It'll ease the pain," he told us. "I promise."

I handed each of them a photo album as I began on one of the old, tattered ones from my mom's house. We had decided to make one of SAMCRO, one of just Colton, and one of the family.

"Woah," Brantli spoke up as she came across one of the older pictures. "Is that you?"

I knew which one she was talking about as she held it up. "Yeah," I chuckled. "That's me,"

It was a picture of one of our first Halloweens in Dallas. My mom had dressed me up as a cheerleader to match Colton's football player costume. My brunette hair was in a wild ponytail and bright red lipstick was strewn on my lips. I held a red and white pom pom in my hand as Colton flexed his right arm.

"Check out this one," Jax told me. That one was one of my favorites. We had taken a family trip to Disneyland and Colton, Braison, Alyssa, and myself were posing with Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore.

"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed. "That's too funny."

Looking through all of these brought back so many memories.

"Your brother was in the Army?"

"He was in the National Guard for about three years," I replied.

"I never knew that," Brantli replied.

"You probably don't know a lot about him. I mean Jax and OP know more because they grew up amongst him"

"Tell me about him," she started as we sifted through more photo albums.

"Well, okay. He was quarterback for his high school football team. He loved it. Even wanted to go pro. He tore his ACL his senior year when we moved here and didn't play again. He joined the National Guard shortly after he was cleared with all of his surgeries. When he came home, he was patched into SAMCRO."

"Did he ever marry? Ever date?"

I took a sip of my beer. "He was engaged to this beautiful girl named Abigail for about a year. On the morning of his wedding, he got stood up at the alter," I could see Jax nodding his head out of the corner of my eye. "He was lonely, for a long time. I think that's why he hung onto me so much. I was like a daughter to him more than a sister. He practically raised me once we moved here," "He was a gentle soul. He wouldn't harm anyone. I think he was just mad about a lot of things in his life that had gone wrong," I put another picture aside. "But it didn't limit him from being a good brother."

"That he was," Jackson replied. "Not just to you, Aubs. To all of us."

* * *

Funerals, in my opinion were always one of the hardest parts of someone passing away. Gemma had shied away from using the term "funeral" and instead replacing it with the term "celebration of life." Whichever term you used, it still sucked.

SAMCRO, per usual was packed. A line wrapped around the building with members from various charters as well as family and friends that have come out to say their final goodbyes to Colton. The inside of the clubhouse was dimly lit. Candles lined just about every corner. The collages that we made the day before hung in frames on the walls. My father, mother, Braison, and Alyssa were the first to see him when some of the guys carried his casket off of the hearse. Bobby had asked if my parents wanted to have it be an open casket service, in which they replied yes. Utter shock set over all of us as we looked at my brother that now laid there, dead. He was dressed in a dark gray button up, a pair of nice blue jeans, and his kutte. Next to him sat a beautiful floral arrangement, full of bright colored daisies, lillies, and roses. Two ribbons hung off of the casket that read "loving father" and "loving son". Both of the ribbons were black embroidered with white stitching. I couldn't even say anything as I turned around to notice Jackson from afar, as the swarm of people began coming in to the back room to say their final goodbyes.

As the service drug on, Gemma had asked if I was ready to read what I wrote about him. A few days prior, she asked me to write a eulogy. I agreed, only because I knew Braison wouldn't be able to. Clay had whistled, bringing the commotion to a halt.

"I wanted to say thank you to all of you for coming out to say goodbye to our brother and fallen hero, Colton Jacob Springsteen," he started. "I met Colton when he was seventeen and patched him in after his service to this country in the San Joaquin chapter of the National Guard. While he has always been our hero, he was this little girls hero long before any of that. His sister, Aubrey is here to say a couple of words about him to you all," Clay took his seat at the bar as I made my way up to where he was once standing.

"Hi guys," I started. "I'm not really good at this whole speaking in public thing so please bare with me," I started. "So, uhm for those of you that don't know me, my name is Aubrey Nevaeh Springsteen. I'm Colton's youngest sister. Between Colton and I, there is an eleven year age gap. We didn't mind much, because there was never really any sibling spat between us. Except, for when I hid his Lynyrd Skynyrd records. He was mad at me for days because I was eight and couldn't remember where I had hid them. Most would say that I deserved for him to be mad at me. But, I hid them because they were the last things that he had to pack up before he moved out of our house. I had grown up with Colton at my side and now that he was twenty and had bought his own house, I didn't want him to leave. He wasn't moving far away but I knew that once he moved out, things wouldn't be the same. I knew that he was moving on with his life and I had to accept that. He was engaged and going to be married soon and starting his own family. "Just don't forget me" I would tell him. He would reply back with a "I could never forget you". Colton was a devoted son, a loving brother, and friend to so many. Looking around this room, I see so many lives that he touched. He was a lover of good beer, a long ride on his Harley, and the sweet sounds of classic rock music. He was a stellar football player, too in his prime. He gave the best advice and was there for me whenever I needed him. One of my favorite memories of him happened a couple of years ago. I was twelve, and he was twenty-three. It was a hot summer day in the middle of July. I knew what day it was and I was so angry, I didn't want to leave my room. He had just called to tell me that he was going to see Garth Brooks on his first headlining tour. I was pissed. Garth Brooks was my favorite country artist and he called to rub it in my face. "Buy me a shirt or something. Don't forget about me!" "I didn't," he told me. "I got you a ticket too," I wasn't mad at him anymore. I had experienced my first of many concerts with my favorite person in the world. While Colton was a strong and gentle person, he was serious too. He was serious when it came to his family, to his friends, and to the life that he was trying to build for himself. No matter where life takes me, I'll always be his little sister. And, although he isn't here anymore, I know that he'll always be in my heart and watching over me," I took a deep breath as a tear ran down my cheek. I couldn't finish. I couldn't utter the last words.

Braison came up and stood next to me. "Can I see that?" he asked, motioning towards my piece of paper. After glancing over it, he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "I wrote something for my brother. Colton was my younger brother and my God if he didn't annoy the shit out of me. But I loved you, kid. If you all would stand please," As the hundred or so people stood up, Braison took a deep breath. "From day one, all we did was fight. Now all I do is fight back my tears. I wanted to do everything you did,because I wanted to be just like you. Now I sit here wondering what to do, because there's no one to replace you. I never did tell you all the things I felt, like how much I really did love you. I wish we could go back and start over again. I don't want to be alone. I need my brother,I need my best friend. When you think of me while you're up in heaven, think of how much you meant to me. It's sad that you left without saying goodbye, but just remember we all love you as you begin to fly. You did so much for me, as I didn't do much for you. I hope you will forgive me,for all the things I didn't do. You were my brother and my best friend. I will always love you no matter how long its been,since your life came to an end. We love you, brother. To Colton. May you be with us, always. Even on our toughest journeys through life,"

Everyone near and far in the room raised their glasses to toast to him, my brother. Clay concluded with a verse from the bible. It was taken from Psalm chapter 23, verse four. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

* * *

As the crowd began to clear out a few hours later, we knew what was ahead. My parents wishes were to have him buried, not cremated so the body would have to go back to the funeral home to prep for the burial tomorrow. A SAMCRO tradition is to bury your lost brother with something that reminds you of him so that you know he's on your mind.

We had moved the casket into the back room, atop of the engraved Sons of Anarchy table. Clay had turned on the song "If You See Me Getting Smaller" by Waylon Jennings to play overhead. As the members of SAMCRO lined up to say their final goodbyes, I couldn't even begin to do it alone.

"We'll do it together," Jax told me. He hadn't left my side the entire night. I nodded my head and got to the back of the line. I wanted to be last.

Tig placed a couple of flowers and a bottle of his favorite whiskey. Clay had placed a letter, and a rosary. My mom could only simply toss in a flower. My dad didn't say a word. By the time I made my way up there with Jackson, he tossed in a picture of him and Colton from the Christmas party. "I'll take good care of her, brother. Don't worry,"

When it was finally my turn, I couldn't believe everything that sat amongst him. His shaggy brunette hair was perfectly placed. His hands were cold. He didn't look or feel like my brother. But somehow, I knew he was. I placed in a flower, a letter, a couple of pictures, and lastly my Harley Davidson blanket. "To keep you warm," I told him. "I know you always loved it, so I wanted to give it to you. See, I didn't forget about you. Just like you didn't forget about me all of these years,"

As Clay, Bobby, Tig, Chibs, Braison, Jackson, and Opie carried the casket outside, I couldn't believe that it was it for him. You couldn't tell me that everything ended with a long ride in a hearse back to the funeral home. I had to shake that feeling away. It didn't end for him. My brother's legacy will always live on. I love you, Colton. Don't ever forget about me.


	13. Chapter 13

**_February, 1993_**

In the weeks following my brother's murder, I tried the best that I could to return back to life as normal. Some days were good, and some were bad. But, that's to be expected of course. We are only human.

On my good days, I would wake up really early. Sometimes, the sun would be shining and it would re-store my faith. It was like a little greeting from up above that today was going to be a good day. I would make breakfast and head out to school, making sure that I at least had half of my homework done for my classes. When I got to school though, I would become an instant walking zombie. Sometimes, I would stare off in class. I would look at the chalkboard trying to absorb the lectures, but most of it went in one ear and out of the other.

"You're failing your class, Aubrey. So you need to pay attention" my teachers would urge me.

"I am. I'm trying," I would repeat back. Because I really was trying. I just couldn't help but let my mind wander.

On my bad days, God those were the worst. The weather wouldn't be as pretty. The sun wouldn't let me know that there was some hope for me to get out of bed today. I spent most mornings in the bed that I had fallen asleep in the night before. Depending on my mood, I would either go to Brantli's or Jax's house. It was mostly Jax's, but when he was out doing club shit, Brantli would make sure that I was okay. There was just something comforting about being wrapped in the arms of Jackson Teller at 6am. My bad days were the nights that I didn't get much sleep. I would wake up crying in the middle of the night and scoot over to my side of the bed.

"What're you doing baby?" Jackson would ask me in his groggily voice.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you up with my crying," I would say, wiping the tears away from my eyes.

He would grab onto me with his strong arms and pull me closer to his chest so that our bodies were aligned with one another. "Your crying isn't bothering me," he would pull me closer to him.

"I'm sorry. I don't want you seeing how weak I am."

"Baby, stop. You're not weak. And your crying isn't going to make me love you any less, Bre."

I would smile, turning my body in the other direction so that I could look into his deep, magnetic blue eyes.

"How'd I get so lucky?"

"You know, I was asking myself the same thing,"

We would spend our mornings intertwined in deep, meaningful conversations about life and how we wanted to spend the rest of it with each other. We would partake in long make-out sessions, knowing when to stop and longer hits off of a few blunts, not knowing when exactly to stop. When I smoked, it made me feel almost human again. I would finally be able to eat, to sleep, and to laugh.

Those happened more often than the good ones.

My parents, too had taken a turn for the worst. Not my dad so much as my mom. My mom had looked to three new friends for help: Jim, Jack, and Jameson. She began hitting the bottle hard after her recent leave of absence from St. Thomas. Gemma had come over a few times to try to talk to her, but it hasn't helped at all. She would stand in the doorway most days and if my mom wasn't passed out on the couch and utter the words that I had heard over and over again.

"Come on, Sarah. Please let me help you. I know what you're going through right now."

"Don't you think your family has done enough?!" my mom would exclaim and then shut the door in the face of the woman that used to be her best friend.

Sometimes, I think my mom hit the bottle harder so that she could avoid any contact with the outside world.

My dad returned to his spot as morning anchor so that he could be there at night with my mom. He, too was feeling the pain from Colton's death. He had told me in secret that he was working closely with Detective Unser to help solve Colton's murder. These were words that I wouldn't dare tell Jackson.

John, too had come home in wake of everything that was going on. He was settled back in the Teller's house, and things seemed to be looking up for them.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to attend Colton's celebration of life," he had told me once or twice on occasion.

"It's okay, JT. I understand. Don't worry about it."

But I didn't understand. Why wouldn't the president of SAMCRO be at one of the member's funeral? I'm sure it was some inside club drama and Jax refused to tell me anything.

* * *

_Aurora and Harley, _

_I want to encourage you both that it is okay to be lost sometimes. We, as humans crave a new adventure. We want to be helped, but we also want to figure things out on our own and enjoy our time being lost. Some people do crazy things when they are in this state of being. And that's okay. We can't love them any less. We just have to be patient and be understanding of them. We have to be there, no matter how bad we don't want to be. _

* * *

On a dreary mid-February morning, I woke up way earlier than usual. It was one of my bad days, and I had spent the better half of the night sleeping on the edge of Brantli's bed. I had tossed and turned all night with the occasional kicks in the head from her, but other than that it was a comfortable environment. As I looked outside, I could see the haze of fog cover the sky of Charming like a blanket, and I had almost instantly ruled out going to school that day.

"Hey, what're you doing up so early?" she asked me, as she turned over to notice me sitting on her chaise on the other side of the room.

"I couldn't sleep," I told her.

"I didn't get much either," she rolled over to the other side of the bed and sat up-right, stretched and yawned. "Do you want breakfast? I'm sure my dad's left for work by now."

I loved Brantli's father, but it was rare that I had ever seen him. He was an older gentleman who worked at one of the local factories as a truck driver. He was gone most days, leaving Brantli to fend for herself most of the time.

"I can make it," I told her.

"You sure?" she replied, getting up and throwing one on of the nearby hoodies that laid on her floor. "I can make the coffee, at least."

"Okay, yeah sure," I shrugged. She threw me a zip-up jacket as we began to make our way downstairs.

"Strong brew?" she asked me, as she made her way into the kitchen.

"Doesn't matter," I replied as I took a seat on the couch.

"You wanna smoke before we eat? I have a five and a roach left over. Theres some rolling paper upstairs too."

"Yeah," I replied, turning on the television as background noise.

"Okay cool," Brantli replied, as she made her way into the living room with the coffees. "I'll roll, you start cooking," she chuckled.

We had settled on making eggs, pancakes. and bacon after our early morning smoking session. Rain began to hit the window at a sideways angle, as the lights overhead began to flicker. I wasn't even tasting the food at this point, I was just something to curb my newly found appetite. We soon changed the channel to the news, to see if my father's broadcast was still on. It was, and Brantli instantly turned the volume up.

"Wonder what's going on here today," she said, shitting her entire body weight to the other end of the couch. My mind was still busy, so I decided to start cleaning up.

"You don't wanna watch your dad?"

"Nah, not really," I laughed. "I can only see him broadcast about road closures and the local animal shelter so many times."

As I made my way into the kitchen, Brantli's eyes were immediately glued to the television screen. I must not have seen what she saw, but as soon as it happened, she called me back into the living room. "You need to see this," she told me. Pretty soon I was looking at the same thing Brantli was: a picture of Colton, with the "breaking details" graphics above it.

"A few weeks ago, my youngest son, Colton Jacob Springsteen was violently murdered execution style right here in our small town. His murder case is just part of the growing gang violence here in Charming. I have been working closely with some of our detectives in the town to find out who murdered my son," my dad stared right through the lens of the video camera, making sure to grip our attention with each word. "If anyone has any information on his killer's whereabouts, please contact your local police station. There is a 15,000 reward posted on any information that is given to help close this case," he took a long sip of his coffee. "I will not rest until his killer is found."

It was almost immediate that we heard the doorbell ring, and I knew who it was before Brantli even answered the door. It was Jackson and Opie, and she quickly invited them in.

"Morning!" I greeted to both of them. "Want some coffee?"

"What did you tell your father?" Jackson asked me, as he stood in the doorway.

"Well good morning to you too," Brantli replied, sitting back down on the couch. She lit a cigarette and passed the box over to me.

"Aubrey, what did you tell your father? Do not make me ask you this question again,"

"I didn't tell him anything!" I exclaimed, as Jax and Opie joined us in the living room.

"What was this shit, then?" Opie asked, pointing to the television that was still turned to Channel 8 news.

"I don't know! Apparently he's working with Unser to try to find his killer," I replied.

"Aubrey that is a club matter. Did you know anything about that?"

I thought carefully about the next words out of my mouth. "No, I didn't,"

"How did you know he was working with Unser?"

"Doesn't everyone work with him?" Brantli asked. "I mean, he is the captain of the police squad," the only person I had told was Brantli: I think it came out in my sleep one night, I don't know. Maybe she just didn't remember. She had just covered my ass big time though.

"You guys don't understand," Opie replied.

"I should have never told you anything."

"Why does that matter? Why does any of this matter?"

"Because we know who killed Colton!" Jackson replied. "We know who killed him and it is a matter that needs to be taken into the hands of SAMCRO,"

"Do you hear yourselves? Do you hear how crazy you sound? You guys are blowing this whole thing way out of proportion. What did you come over here for anyway?" I asked, my tone cold towards him.

Jax slammed his palm down on the glass of the coffee table with such a force. The glass crumbled instantly. He was filled with such a rage that I had never seen before and it scared me. "Because SAMCRO is going to kill your father, Aubrey."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in the next chapter. I had writers block for a couple of days. I've had the flu, too so I'm finally starting to feel just a little bit better. Might post another chapter tonight, too. Stay tuned. Thanks for the love! **


	14. Chapter 14

"What do you mean?" it was hard to comprehend the fact that Jax had just uttered those words to me. I know the club was involved in a lot of drama. But killing? Come on, now. I knew I wasn't dating a killer...

I was the first person to speak after he said those words. That awful sentence. SAMCRO, the guys that I had grown up with were going to kill my father. I was mortified. I was trembling inside.

Jax got up and began pacing around the room. "I overheard my dad and Clay talking this morning when he first broadcasted about it," he started. "It was a long night, we did a couple of dope trades so everything went as normal. I was barely asleep and I heard JT said that your dad has go to go,"

"That doesn't make any sense!" I exclaimed. "My dad is only trying to find who killed Colton. He's trying to get some closure, Jackson!"

"But now the police know about it!"

"Didn't they before?! Didn't they file a police report?!"

"No, Aubrey that's what I'm trying to tell you," Opie started. "Club matters don't go to the police. We don't like the police."

"So then why haven't you guys killed the son of a bitch yet?" Brantli asked. "If you know who did it, why didn't you kill him?"

"Because, it's complicated guys," Jackson started. "There's a time and a place for everything that SAMCRO does and it hasn't presented itself yet."

"Wouldn't you make that your first priority?" I asked him, as I crossed my arms over my chest.

He didn't answer for a long time.

"Answer me! What the fuck, Jax?!"

"Babe, I don't run the club. I don't call the shots. I'm just a...I'm a nobody right now. I tag along to see what happens, I listen to the guys at chapel. I don't ride so I don't vote on anything. Hell I'm lucky to attend most nights," SAMCRO had a strict rule: you don't ride, you don't vote. While Jax and Opie both had their motorcycle permits, neither one owned a bike. Neither one had money for a bike. But, they were the gophers for the club. Prospects, as some would call them. Just not fully there yet.

"Can I go talk to Clay? And your dad?" I asked. What did JT even have to do with this? He wasn't even here when it happened, so I wouldn't get why he wanted to harm my father. Probably just protecting the guys, you know?

"No! Oh my god, that'll just make matters worse!" Opie yelled.

"I'm not going to let my father die!" I proclaimed. "I just lost Colton, I don't need to lose him either!"

"What if my dad talked to them? Just gave them minimal information. And then from there they could ask him to drop the case?"

"Are you insane? Have you lost your damn mind?!" Jax asked me.

"No! I haven't. I don't know what else to do!"

"Maybe her dad talking to them wouldn't be a horrible idea," Opie said.

"I have a plan," Brantli said. "I don't know if you guys would be up for it, but I'm not just going to sit here and watch you guys go at each other,"

"Hell, I'll give anything a suggestion at this point," Jackson replied.

"Okay. It's a little complicated, but we're going to have to get everyone on board," Brantli said.

"Shoot," Opie replied, lighting the tip of his cigarette.

"We go to Gemma. She'll know what to do."

* * *

What was so complicated about Gemma, you ask? Everything. While Gemma was a kind and gentle soul, she knew all of the secrets of the club. She would know what to do in this situation. It was risky, but it was worth the shot. That's why her hair was so big: it was full of secrets.

The rain had picked up by the time we walked to the Teller's. Gemma didn't go in for her shift at TM until later in the day, so we knew she would be up for talking.

"It sounds like a huge problem," she told us, after hearing all sides of the story.

"What should we do then, mom?"

She sighed, and sipped her coffee slowly. "Well, it has to be carried out so that no one gets hurt. That's the simplest way to put it."

"So, how do we do that?"

"Aubrey, you're going to have to get your dad over her. John, Clay, and Piney will talk to him about the case a little bit so they can get intel on anything your father knows," Gemma started. "Things at the meeting won't go over well and your father will be pissed. I'll do my best to calm him down as he starts talking about your mom. I'll suggest that you guys should go on a family vacation for a couple of days: make him want to leave. Something to distract you guys and get you out of Charming," we were following so far. "The guys will handle the execution standpoint. When it's done, one of the guys will give Unser an anonymous tip of who killed Colton, and the case will be solved,"

"At the hands of SAMCRO though. Not Charming police."

"You sure this is going to work?"

"Baby, I've been around this club now for over fifteen years. I know how the guys operate. As long as we do our part, the pieces will fall into place."

* * *

The first part of the plan happened later on that night. Gemma had called my dad, asking him to come over to dinner. "A couple of the guys will be here too. JT hasn't saw you since he's been home. It would be a nice treat for you all to hangout,"

"Yeah, sure. That sounds great," my dad replied.

"Bring Aubrey too. There'll be plenty of food for all of us."

Around 6 that evening, we were sitting over the Teller's. JT and my father embraced in a handshake at the door, and we quickly made our way inside. My dad offered up the tray of brownies that he forced me to make, and Gemma brought those into the kitchen. "The guys are in the dining room. I'm making lasagna for dinner. I hope you don't mind."

"No, no. It sounds great," my dad replied, taking off his fleece jacket and setting it down on the couch.

"Hey, brother," Clay told my dad as he stood up from his seat. Jax and I took a seat on the couch in the living room, barely paying attention to the sitcom that was on in front of us.

"How ya hangin' in there, Dennis?"

"I've been better, that's for sure Piney," my dad chuckled. "Feels good to be around friends for a change."

"You want a beer?" JT asked him. My dad graciously accepted the offer.

"Where's Sarah?" Clay asked. Dammit, Clay. You weren't supposed to ask that yet!

"She's at home. Not feeling real well," Nice dad, nice. Subtle, and right to the point.

"Yeah, I think there's a bug going around," Piney replied, taking a swig of his Miller.

"Must be," my dad chuckled.

"Saw your broadcast this morning," Clay chimed in after a few seconds of silence. "Got any leads on the case yet?"

"Nah," my dad replied, taking a long sip of his beer. "Unser told me it was a one in a million chance that we would find his killer. I'm going to take that chance though."

"Amen, brother. I don't blame you," JT said, glancing at Clay with an odd look on his face.

My dad was growing pissed by the second as he vented about Colton's murder to the guys. When things started getting bad, I was relieved to hear Gemma's voice.

"Aubrey, Jackson come on guys. Dinner's ready!" Gemma yelled from the kitchen. Right on cue.

As we all gathered around the dining room table, our plates full of the ooey gooey pasta dish, my dad began to eat slowly. "I think Sarah needs some help," that was out of nowhere, but good touch.

"How so?" Gemma asked.

"I mean, come on. You've been over. You've talked to her. This whole thing with Colton has really eaten her alive. She doesn't know how to function anymore," my dad sighed, then laughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be venting to you guys."

"No, please. Dennis, you and Sarah are part of our lives as much as Aubrey is. If there's ever anything you need, you can tell us."

"She's turning into an alcoholic. I know it's to help the pain and what not, but my god she wakes up and drinks. Carries on with her day and drinks. She's non responsive to anything that I tell her. I don't even want to be around her anymore."

"People grieve, Dennis. They're human. Some handle it better than others when it comes to that sense though," Gemma explained.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I just need to get out while I can."

"I have an idea," Gemma declared, taking a bite of her garlic toast. "Why don't you guys get away for a couple of days?"

"No, no. I can't take time off of work and I can't pull Aubrey out of school."

It's not like I go, dad. Come on, Aubrey. Say something. Something to make him want to go with you to a couple of towns away. "You know, I bet grandpa would love to see us. Didn't you say he moved up from Texas?"

"Yeah, he lives in Venice now," my dad replied.

"We should go see him. School is starting to slow down and nothing is really going on here."

"Honey, yeah. The case is."

"Dad, waiting around isn't going to make it move any faster. I think it'll be good to get out of Charming for a couple of days," Gemma flashed me a smile. Everything was setting into motion so far.

"Maybe you guys could help," he softly spoke up. "I know you were there that night. Maybe you could tell Unser what you saw?"

"Yeah, no. Definitely, brother," Clay replied. "We'll try to, at least. It all happened so fast, you know?"

"I understand," he spoke up.

"Dad when do you want to leave?" I asked, trying to move the conversation in the other direction.

"We can tomorrow afternoon maybe. I'll call your grandfather in the morning and tell him we're thinking about coming down."

Thank you, Lord. Thank you dad for being so naive. Now was the hard part. Do I ask him if I can bring Jax, Brantli, and Opie? Or do I just bring Brantli? Do I let the guys stay here and get involved in more of the outlaw shit.

"How big is grandpa's house?" I said, shoving my face full of salad.

Jax looked at me, and I knew what I had decided when I asked that question.

"It's decent sized. He lives on the beach," my dad replied.

"Can I bring Jax?" I asked. I thought JT was going to choke on the piece of garlic toast that he finished off.

"Yeah, honey. I'm sure that would be okay."

"Thanks, dad," I said. "Maybe Brantli and Opie, too?"

"I guess so, if that's okay with you, Piney?"

"Hell, I don't care. Would be better then them causing havoc around here."

"Awesome!" I replied, trying to change the mood that Jax was showing right now. Everything was setting into motion. Now, if we could only make it out of Charming tomorrow afternoon, I think my dad could escape getting murdered by the friends that he was sharing dinner with.

* * *

Everything was set for us to go out to Venice that morning. It was about a five hour drive down, so we had planned to leave promptly at noon. My mom wasn't awake when we left, so my father set a note on the coffee table next to her half finished bottle of Jack Daniels. It was a tiring drive down on all parts, and the backseat wasn't comfortable with Opie and Brantli cuddling up next to me. My dad had told Jax to sit up front so that he could help him navigate. More or less, it was code for he didn't want to see him put his hands on his daughter. We knew that we had to be on our best behavior and show no signs of funny business, since my dad didn't know that this was the plan all along.

"When was the last time you saw your dad, sir?" Jax asked my father, as we got off of the highway and made a right onto the main road.

"Oh, about two years ago. He's been a wreck since he lost my mother, so I don't come around much."

"No, I totally understand," Jax said.

"He's a decorated man. World War II veteran. I was his only son to not serve in the army, and I think he still resents me for that."

"What did you do instead?" Jax asked.

"I went to college. Decided to go to Texas A&amp;M and get a degree in public broadcasting," my dad replied, turning down the volume on an old Journey song. "He called me a coward and was ashamed of me. I didn't carry on the family legacy like my two older brothers."

"That's gotta be tough."

My dad shrugged his shoulders. "I'm used to it, by now son. You can only fight about things for so long," he started. "I was his only son to bless him with grandkids, so I guess you could say I carried on the family legacy that way."

"He should be proud of you. I mean you bust ass at the station."

"He is, now that I'm older," my dad replied. "Colton carried it on for him. He was always real proud of him. One of his biggest supporters," I shut my eyes tighter, pretending not to hear these next words that came out of his mouth. "So I hear you love my daughter."

Jax smiled, and focused his eyes on the winding city road in front of him. "I do, sir. Very much."

"That's my baby, you know. If you do anything wrong to her, your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower," my dad joked.

"I know, Dennis. I would never ever harm your daughter."

My dad sighed. "As long as we're on the same page," "I know Sarah and I haven't been here for her as much as I'd like to be. And to be honest, I know she hates me for that."

"She doesn't, I promise."

"It's just, somewhere between then and now I forgot to be a dad. When I lost Colton, I lost a part of me, Jackson. And I know that Aubrey is still my daughter. And I love her. I want to be a great dad. I want her to not be ashamed of her like my father is of me. I want her to come around and be able to talk to me about things that are on her mind," he replied. "I want us to be close again. I guess I'm jealous of you, Jackson. You have her whole heart and I don't think she left any for me."

"Dennis. She did. I may be her boyfriend, but you're her father. She doesn't hate you. And she's not ashamed of you. She's grieving, too. You have to let her at her own pace," Jax said. "You and Sarah blessed me with the love of my life. I know I don't deserve her most days."

"Neither do I. How can she be so strong at fifteen yet her mother and I are nearly fifty and can't even look her in the eyes?"

"She will come around," Jackson replied.

"Hey, dad?" I asked him, pretending to wake up from the deep sleep that I was in.

"Yes?"

"This is me, coming around. I love you, dad. More than you'll ever know."

* * *

It was almost 5 by the time we pulled into my grandfather's driveway. His house was too big for him to be in all by himself: I noticed that right away. He greeted us at the door as soon as we gathered our things out of the SUV. His figure stood tall, over my dad's 5'11 height. He dressed in a pair of khakis, a Hawaiian printed floral shirt, and an old pair of Keds. He wore thin-rimmed round glasses over his dark brown eyes and a WWII Veteran baseball cap on top of his silver colored hair. His face was tired and worn from the years of being a father, and he had an excited look in his eyes as my dad gave him a hug.

"It's good to see you, son."

"You too, dad," he sweetly replied.

"I can't believe how much you've grown since the last time I've saw you, Aubs," he said, turning just a bit to face me.

"It happens," I shrugged, as I opened my arms to embrace him in a hug. "It's good to see you, papa."

"Come on in, guys," he told us as we introduced Brantli, Opie, and Jax. We made our way into his two story beach house. It sat just up the hill from the Pacific Ocean and was absolutely beautiful. The floors were all polished hardwood, and the walls painted a light blue color. Family pictures lined most of them, especially the wall by the window that overlooked the entire outside world.

"Can I get y'all something to drink?" Southern hospitality. Gotta love gramps.

"No, thanks we're okay for right now."

"Why don't y'all go on upstairs and get situated. I've got the rooms all fixed up for you."

We made our way up the larger than life staircase to three of the spare bedrooms. They were painted identical to the living room downstairs and held a bed, a small dresser, and a mirror. There were two night stands on each side of the bed, and a small window on the far side of the room.

"My god would you look at the ocean!" Brantli squealed. "It's beautiful! I've never seen something this beautiful before!"

"You've never seen the ocean?" I asked her, dumbfounded.

"No! Oh my gosh, I love it," she replied back. "Can we go down to the shore?! Please?!" Brantli exclaimed.

"Yes!" I replied. The sun was shining and from here, you could see the clear blue waters ahead. Today was one of my good days.

* * *

After settling in, we made our way down to the shores of the ocean upon Brantli's request. My grandpa had told us about The Strip and a couple of cool things to do down there. When we walked off of the wooden bridge that lead onto the sand, Brantli kicked off her flip flops and ran straight for the water.

"She's insane," Opie replied. "It's February. The water's going to be freezing."

Despite the fact that it was nearing 60 degrees out, Opie was right. The water was freezing. The sand, too was cold on my feet.

"Aubrey come on! Come in the water don't let me experience this by myself!" she said, as she turned to face us.

"Brantli, no! That water is too cold."

"Oh come on! Come in the water," she told me.

I shook my head and smiled at her. "No way," I replied.

She walked off of the shore and grabbed me forcefully by the hand, dragging me into the edge of the Pacific Ocean. The water wasn't as cold as I thought it would be and after awhile, we just began hopping over the end of the waves. As we began to play in the water, Jax suggested that we maybe went and grabbed a bite to eat and walk the pier. Our clothes were soaked, so we decided to go back to my grandpa's and change before heading out in public amongst people. We came to a mutual agreement on a really nice seafood restaurant. The food tasted fresh and was mouthwatering. There were so many flavors and spices in each bite that I ate. For the first time in a long time, I actually was able to enjoy what I was consuming. After that, we walked the strip, taking glances in some of the shops along the way. We played a few carnival games, rode on the Ferris wheel three times, and decided to call it a night. My dad was still up when we came home.

"Did you guys have fun?" he asked us.

"Yeah! We had a blast!" Brantli replied.

My dad chuckled. "That's good. You guys heading off to bed? There's a fire pit out back if you guys want to hangout out there. The wood is in the shed, behind the house," he explained.

"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea," I replied.

"I wanna talk to Aubrey for a little bit, so why don't you start and she'll join you?" my dad asked me.

"Yeah, sure" Opie shrugged as they made their way outside through the sliding glass door.

"Everything okay?" I asked him, taking a seat on the recliner across from him.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to see how you were doing,"

"Dad, I'm okay. I promise."

"How's school?"

"I'm failing," I said. I looked at him, and I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "Dad you know I'll bring my grades up."

He knew I was right, too as soon as I said it. "I know,"

"What's on your heart, dad? What're you thinking about?"

"Your mom, Aub's," he said, setting his glasses aside. He ran his fingers through his short brunette hair before looking at me again. "I've lost her. And I don't know how to get her back."

"Dad come on. You guys have been married for almost thirty years."

"Things were bad before Colton died, baby," he started. "I was offered a job in Milwaukee. And I think I'm going to take it,"

My heart sunk into my butt. I could feel all parts of my body begin to break out into a cold sweat. "Dad, what do you mean?"

"Your mother and I have mutually decided to get a divorce, honey. I'm sorry."

No. Oh my god, no. Please don't let this be happening. "What?"

"Things have just gotten so bad. I see the way that you look at Jax. I see the way that you touch, and you laugh. I see how he looks at you. You look like you're in love."

"Dad, we're teenagers. We're supposed to look at each other like that. Hell, I look at everything like that. Pizza, Mark Wahlberg, a Rolling Stones cassette,"

He laughed. "I just think it's best. So, I'm going to be leaving for Milwaukee after your mom comes back from rehab. And after that, she's going to be moving to Arizona,"

"What?" I asked.

"We aren't staying in Charming, baby girl. I know your whole life is here. But I want to get out of the town that destroyed our family and tore us apart."

"Dad that's not fair," I said. "My whole life is here."

"I know. I know. But think of all the exciting new things that either of these towns has in store for you."

"I don't want exciting and new, dad. I want my life here. I want to be around the people that I've grown up with. I want to stick to my plain, old, boring life. I don't like change dad and you know it."

"Aubrey Nevaeh," he looked at me, displeasingly. "You don't have a choice, I'm sorry,"

"What about Braison? Can't I live with him?"

"He doesn't have custody of you."

"So then let him get custody of me."

"No," my dad interjected.

I swallowed hard, looking at him with tears in my eyes. "You promised me that when we moved here, we wouldn't leave Charming. You told me that we would stay here forever."

"Things change, sweetie. I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough, dad" I told him. "I thought you loved me. I thought we were on the same team here," "You're pushing me away just like you did Colton!"

"Aubrey, its final. You don't get a choice, and that's that," he said.

"Well, I guess I'll go outside while I still can be around the people that I love," I started. "Thanks a lot, traitor."

And to think, I was trying to help my dad when all he was doing was bringing me down. How was I supposed to tell them any of this? How was I supposed to look the people that I have gotten close with and tell them that I was moving? Especially Jax. How could I break his heart again?


	15. Chapter 15

The walk down from the living room of my grandfather's house to the sandy beach that night was a tough one to endure. I couldn't help but think about what my father just said: we were moving. No more Charming. No more Teller's, no more bottomless hot chocolate at T's. No more pain in the ass Svecky. No more long sleepovers with Brantli. No more laughing at Opie's pathetic jokes. No more Jackson.

No more Jackson. I wouldn't be seeing the man that I had fallen deeply in love with. We had spent the last eight years of our lives together and were used to seeing each other on almost a day to day basis. How could that just quit all of a sudden? I mean, who knows. Maybe Braison could get custody of me. We might not be close, but hell it's worth a shot. I had vowed in my head that I would talk to him when I got back home tomorrow evening.

"Hey there you are," Jackson said, glancing a smirk in my direction.

"Here I am," I smiled back, taking a seat next to him in the sand. He wrapped me in his arms upon arrival.

"It's beautiful out here," Brantli told us as she took a hit off of her cigarette. It truly was. The temperature had dropped just enough for it to be pleasantly mild outside. The smell of the ocean tide came and passed. The sun had gone down hours ago and from where we were sitting, the nighttime sky was clear enough to see all of the stars illuminating it. The blazing fire roared in the fire pit in front of us.

"It really is," Opie replied, giving her a small kiss on the forehead.

"So, whose turn is it?" Jackson asked, returning back to the state of conversation that they were in before my arrival.

"What're you guys playing?"

"Truth or dare," Brantli smirked.

"What are we, twelve?!" I laughed.

"Hey! It's something to do," she replied, looking displeased. "I think Aubrey should go,"

"Oh no skip," I said. "I can't think of anything right now,"

"Fine then, Teller," she replied. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," he chuckled.

"I dare you to take off all of your clothes and run into the ocean," Brantli laughed.

"Oh you're on," he replied, as he stood up and walked by the shore. Before long, Jax was down to just his boxers, running fast into the oncoming waves. "Holy fucking shit balls! That's cold!" he yelled, as he immediately ran back out. He began to put his white tshirt and jeans back on and stood in front of the fire.

"I think there's icicles forming on my hair," he replied.

"Chicken," Brantli replied. "Op, truth or dare?"

"Truth," he replied.

"Hmmmm. Scariest thing you've ever done in your life?"

"Dating you," he replied, as his face stood still.

"You're an ass!" Brantli yelled, pushing him over.

"Babe I'm kidding. Calm down," he replied, pulling her closer to his chest.

"You better be."

"See! That scary ass look in your eyes right there is what scares the ever-loving shit out of me."

Brantli let out a hmmph and crossed her legs Indian style. "Aubrey. Come on. Truth or dare?"

We carried this on for the next couple of hours, until Brantli and Opie decided to go upstairs.

"I'm gonna show you how scary I can get," she joked.

"Please don't have sex in my grandpa's house!" I yelled to them as they began to walk back.

Brantli turned to me. "I can't make any promises!" she said in a sing song voice. As they made their way back to house, I noticed that this was the first time that I had been alone with Jax since everything about my dad broke. As we looked up at the nighttime sky, we were completely at peace with the moment and with one-another. Even though his hair was still soaking wet, I didn't let it stop me from gripping on harder.

"Truth or dare?" I asked him, as I focused my gaze into his eyes.

"Truth," he replied, changing his answer for once. I think the recent rendition of a cheesy boy band song that he had to do for us changed his mind to never take a dare again.

"Are you mad we haven't slept together yet?" I asked. "Are you upset that we aren't going upstairs like Brantli and Opie are right now?"

Jax shook his head. "I know you're in a state where you can't make good choices right now, and I don't want to pressure you," he started. "I want you to tell me when you're ready."

"Well, then dare." I replied back, without him even asking me a question.

"What?" as those words crept out of his mouth, I pressed my lips to his. Before long, we were making out, our lips making perfect clockwork with the waves hitting the shore.

"Let's go upstairs," I replied, as the flames on the fire were beginning to dim. Jax picked me up in his arms and carried me up the wooden bridge, into my grandfather's house, and up the stairs to my bedroom for the night. Our lips didn't leave each other the entire way inside. I was vulnerable right now, yes but I had never wanted to give myself up to someone more than I had in this moment. Once we were on the bed, he began to undress me. His skillful hands took off my tshirt and jeans, and looked at me before he exposed my body. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I've never been more sure of anything in my life," in between those words and kissing him, somehow I had managed to strip him down to his soaking wet boxers. His hands soon found their way to the clasps of my bra and wandered down to my matching panties. I was pretty proud of myself for making sure those matched today. His soft, intimate kisses outlined each curve of my body, and my hands soon found their way down his boxers. I tossed them aside as soon as I was able to get them off of him. My heart was racing a million miles per minute. "You okay?" he asked me. I wrapped my legs around his torso and gripped my nails into his back. He went slow so that nothing was too painful for me. I knew it would have been if he didn't. We were both new to this.

"Mhm," I replied. His whispered that he loved me several times in my ear. Before long, we were intertwined in the gray cotton sheets, our body's becoming one.

* * *

As we laid in bed that night, both of our bodies exposed, he noticed that things were way too quiet between us.

"Truth or dare?" he asked me, kissing me lightly on my mess of brunette hair.

"Truth," I told him.

"What did you and your dad talk about earlier?" I knew it was coming sooner or later. Truthfully, I didn't even know how to word what I wanted to tell him. I had just made love: perfect, sweet love to Jackson Teller. And now I had to tell him I was leaving?

"Uhm," I started, as I could feel my throat begin to close up. "Jax, I don't even know what to say to you."

"Just say it," he chuckled. "It can't be that bad."

I didn't speak after he said that. "It can be."

"What is it then?"

I turned to face him, and looked deep into his eyes. "I'm...I'm moving, Jax. I'm leaving Charming after this school year is over."


	16. Chapter 16

As I rolled over in bed that following morning, I couldn't help but smile. I kept thinking about everything that had happened last night and playing the images over again in my head. I was in love. I was so in love. I didn't know how to explain what I felt towards Jax: I loved him so much that it hurt.

The first thing that I had noticed was that Jackson was not next to me as I opened up my eyes. Instead, a note was placed on the pillow where his head should have been. It simply read:

_Aubrey, I couldn't sleep. I have lied awake all night thinking about how much I love you. I watched you sleep soundly for the first time in a long time, and to me that was more comforting than you will ever know. I decided to go on a walk and I'm sure I'll be back by the time you wake up. Meet me outside when you finally decide to crawl out of bed. I love you, Jax"_

I pressed the note to my chest and smiled wider than I had in weeks. I threw on Jax's oversized white tshirt that laid on the ground and paired it with my jeans from last night. The scent of his cologne was replaced by the over-powering smoky must of the campfire. I made the bed sloppily and began to make my way downstairs.

I couldn't even look at my dad as I hugged my grandpa and made my way outside. With the two cups of steaming coffee in my hands, I began to make my way down to the edge of the beach where Jackson was sitting.

"Good morning," I said, smiling at him.

"Well good morning to you too," he said, grabbing the mug of coffee out of my hand. I kissed him on the lips and joined him in the sand.

"What're you thinking about?" the sun was just beginning to rise over Venice Beach, signaling that it was the start of a new day.

"Do you know what today is?" he asked me, keeping his gaze on the waves ahead ignoring my question entirely.

"No?" I chuckled as I asked this question. "Am I supposed to?"

"Kind of. You're a girl, these things should be second nature to you."

I was puzzled. Our anniversary wasn't until the 22nd. Wasn't anyone's birthday...what could it possibly be? What was today's date? "I'm lost," I replied. My days had been running together since Colton had passed. I knew it was February though. At least give me some credit for that. God maybe it was our anniversary...

"Well, maybe this will help you figure out what today is," he handed me a small white envelope.

"You aren't going to tell me?" I asked him, staring into his eyes.

"That'll take all of the fun out of it," he replied, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"You know, you continue to amaze me, Jackson," I replied, wrapping my arms around his right arm.

"Babe you don't even know what day it is," he replied.

"So? You took the effort to do something for me, again. Probably something amazing as always."

He smiled sweetly and looked into my green eyes. "God, Aubrey. What am I going to do without you?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't even want to talk about the conversation about my father and I last night. "Let's just focus on today, okay? I don't want things to be over yet. I just want to pretend that my father and I never talked last night."

And for the sake of whatever day today might have been, Jax dropped it entirely just like he had last night after I told him. He couldn't even say anything after that. But held me closer like always. "I'm gonna go take a shower really quick. Why don't you read your clue?"

"You're not gonna read it with me?"

"Do you not get how surprises work?" he asked, picking up the pace as he made his way up the beach. I ripped open the envelope almost instantly. Inside held a small piece of paper that read:

_28 miles from this place you are, ride in this to feel like a star._

* * *

"I don't understand it!" Brantli practically screeched as we stood in my guest bedroom debating over what the clue had just read. Brantli had received the same one when she woke up.

"I don't know!" I exclaimed. "28 miles from this place you are. What the hell? Who writes like this?"

"Apparently, someone that needed to find a rhyme for star" Brantli laughed. I'll have to admit, that was pretty funny. "We could be going to Disney."

"It's not Disney. Anaheim is a little farther away, goof." I explained. "God I don't even know. What's there to even do here?"

"No idea," Brantli said, as she plopped down on the bed. "I still think it's Disney."

* * *

My grandfather had called us down a couple of minutes after we finished applying the last touches to our outfits. "Girls, there's something outside that you should really go take a look at."

As he said that, we struggled to slip our shoes on and make it out of the door. A huge, black on black stretch limo sat in the driveway. The driver greeted us as he held the back door open. We slid in, instantly feeling the cool leather seats on the back of our legs.

"Ladies, we should arrive at your destination in about 28 minutes," he said, as the limo started up. "The fridge is fully stocked with beverages, so please help yourselves."

"Where are we going?" I asked him, looking over the divider glass.

"Now, if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" He closed the divider and turned the music on softly.

"28 miles away..." Brantli started. "I'm not from California. Start naming cities."

"No way, I'm not naming cities!"

"Well what's in this area of California?! I know Santa Monica but come on! What goes that way?" she asked, pointing straight ahead to the right.

"Oh my god I've got it!" I yelled, looking in between the seats next to her.

"You know what city it is?"

"No dude. There's a clue right next to you!" I yelled. I instructed Brantli to pick it up, which she did and tore into it instantly. Inside, the second clue read:

_Now that you are riding like a star, it's time to be pampered like one. Take your time and enjoy your morning of relaxation._

We knew what that meant right away: spa. The guys were treating us to a spa day. This couldn't be all that they had in store, right? I knew that it wasn't, either as soon as we hopped on the freeway that lead to Los Angeles.

"We're going to LA!" I screamed.

"What?" Brantli asked, popping the tab on her can of soda.

"We're going to Los Angeles!" I screamed. I've lived in California for most of my life and have never been to Los Angeles. Until today though. I knew that this was going to be special. Just what day was it? Why was it that all of a sudden we were being treated like queens? Did the guys do something wrong?

* * *

Well, whatever it was, a limo ride to Le Petite Retreat Day Spa wasn't going to fix things. I mean, okay maybe a little bit. The inside of the spa was absolutely gorgeous. It was very laid back and peaceful, and I felt at ease as the receptionists greeted us. She opened up a binder and told us that we got to pick our experience for the day. I had no idea what to pick because I've never been to the spa before in my life. Brantli and I decided on the Head to Toe Indulgence package.

The receptionists took us back into our cooled and heated room. "You can adjust the temperature settings on the thermometer if you'd like to," she instructed, handing us both custom white cotton bath robes with our names on them. A bucket of chilled champagne sat in the room with two glasses side by side. "One glass only!" I told Brantli. We were sixteen, not twenty one and knew that we would be in deep shit if they decided to card us.

After pouring one glass, we toasted to "whatever the hell the guys did wrong causing them to treat us to the spa" because after all, Jax and Opie weren't this clever. Sure, I could see them doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. I wish there was a damn calendar around here or something, but I couldn't find one. I just shrugged it off entirely as we took a seat on one of the couches in the room.

The spa treatment began with thorough body brushing and exfoliation to smooth and soften our skin. Following that, we had an indulgent massage using hot and cold jade stones to penetrate our muscles. I never realized for sixteen how many of my muscles just hurt all of the time. We then were whisked into another room where we were introduced to a head massage that felt almost better than when Jax played with my hair. Our consultant then gave us a foot reflexology and scrub with a sugar crystal serum that tickled each time she touched the heel of my foot. That didn't feel good for me at all, and I couldn't stop laughing. She then did some simple stretches on my body, and it felt good to hear some of my muscles crack. I was at ease. She applied our facials moments later using a special organic vitamin C paste. It smelt like oranges and coconuts and came out as a white, clumpy mask on my face. We were lead into what looked like a jacuzzi known as a luxurious Coppertino hydrotherapy bath. The water in the tub was burning hot, but relaxed all of the muscles even more than they had already been all day.

"They must have done something really bad," Brantli laughed as she sipped diligently on another glass of champagne.

"Or someone put them up to this."

"Our badass bikers couldn't have planned this all by themselves."

"Maybe they're smarter than we think," I told her. "Maybe they're like these professionals at romanticizing us and we haven't figured it out until now."

"Maybe..." Brantli said. "So, what's the bad news that your father told you yesterday?"

"Nope," I started. "I'm not going there."

"Aubrey. I know when there's something wrong with you. What'd he tell you, you guys are moving or something?"

I looked at her. "Brantli,"

"You can tell me anything. I'm not going to be mad I promise,"

"Not when we're sitting together, naked in a jacuzzi."

"Best friend bonding time!" she laughed. We paused for a moment, letting the jets become the only noise in the room. "I'm about to lose my best friend, aren't I?" she asked softly.

All I could do was nod my head as I told her about the divorce, the moving out of Charming completely, and the choice that I would have to make.

"What did Jax say?" she asked me.

"He pushed it aside. He didn't want it to ruin what we had planned for today."

"Yeah but you know all hell is going to break lose between you guys once you get back to Charming," she finished off her glass. "When did you tell him?"

"Last night after we had sex," I couldn't believe how bluntly I said that.

"Aubrey Nevaeh!" she squealed. "You didn't!"

"We did," I told her. I wasn't ashamed of it or anything. It was still a little bit of a shock to me.

"How was it?" she asked me, leaning back on the side of the jacuzzi.

"It was...my god I don't even know how to put it. How would you describe your first time?"

"In general? Or with Opie? Because if I had to count it, my first time would not have been my first time."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never told you this. Shit I've never even told Op" she began. "When I was fourteen, the summer before we moved here, I was raped."

"Brantli."

"His name was Emerson. We grew up in Boston together. We attended the same performing arts school. We were really good friends. We all decided to go to this party one night. He was a lot older. A junior, I believe. And I was going into high school. We got totally wasted and he asked me if I wanted to go lie down in one of the bedrooms in the back. I, like a dumb ass said yes and he led me in there. He pinned me down so I didn't have control over any part of my body and just went for me."

I couldn't believe how casually she was talking about this. "And then what?"

"My dad pressed charges, and we had everything ran and he was sentenced to do community service for a couple of months. His parents had a lot of money, so they pretty much bought their way out of the case."

"Is that why you moved here?"

"Kind of," she replied. "My mom and dad did this thing when they were younger. When they wanted to go on a vacation, they would throw a dart at the map and just hope and pray that it wasn't some little hick town. We got lucky when I landed on Charming. So, we packed up and moved our entire lives around," "Everything happens for a reason. If that would have never happened to me, it wouldn't have encouraged me to leave more than I already wanted to," our conversation was soon cut short by our consultant, who came in and sat the next clue down at the table by the jacuzzi. "Whenever you ladies are ready to get out, this will be here for you," she smiled, and then left out of the room.

"What's the reason behind my dad wanting to leave then?" I asked.

"I don't know, girly," she said, shaking her head. "But, whether it be good or bad, just treasure the time you have here. You'll never appreciate what you have until it's gone,"

The next clue read: _now that you girls are pampered, it's time to dress to the nines. Take a walk down Rodeo Drive. But don't be late! The next part of your date leaves at five._ Following that was an address, as well as what had appeared to be $500 cash. Serious spending money for the both of us. Did they rob a bank?!

* * *

Rodeo Drive was located in Beverly Hills, and full of life. Shops lined the corners. We did a lot of window shopping before deciding on a boutique to head into. It had a lot of different vintage dresses. The entire store had a 1950s feel to it, and we decided to dress almost like pin-up dolls.

"I don't have the body for that," I sighed. While Brantli was tall and lanky, with bigger breasts than I did, I made up for it with the curvy hips and prominent ass.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "Stop that right now."

After spending nearly an hour in the store, we had decided on our outfits. The clue had told us to go to this salon to get our hair and nails done, and they would let us change our clothes in there as well. We walked in typical, laid back 90s teenagers and out like the entire world around us was transformed into the 1950s. Brantli had settled on a bright yellow short sleeved dress. It was made of a silk material, and fell right below her knees. She paired it with a pair of bright red heels and a blue and white polka dot cardigan. Her bleach blonde hair was pinned up in an array of curls, and bright bright red lipstick donned her lips. I went the opposite direction. Per Brantli's choosing, I chose a slimming ivory dress with black polka dots and matching ivory pumps. My dress hugged the very middle of my thighs, and I wore my hair and makeup almost identical. We walked back to our limo. A clue greeted us upon arrival.

_You're getting closer to our date, hurry now don't be late. The limo will drop you off at the docks in a few for a gondola ride built for four, not two._

We headed back to Venice to the same spot that we were in last night almost. Hidden in the back was a dock, with a gondola waiting in the waters. It was enormous.

"I know it's not Italy, but close enough," were Opie's first words when we stepped out of the limo. The guys were even dressed nice! Simple button ups, and a pair of slacks. I nearly knocked Jackson over when I went to kiss him, and the gondolier helped all of us in.

"This is amazing," I told them, as we went on a tour through the waters of Venice, and a few other small nearby towns. Chocolate covered strawberries were waiting for us in the picnic basket, and we all began to nibble away on the treat.

"Anything for you guys," Jackson smiled, flashing Opie a grin. The gondolier began to point out significant places, tourist attractions, and even sang a little.

"It's good luck" the man began in his fake, Italian accent "to kiss under the bridge. It means eternal love."

As we passed the bridge that docked us at a nearby restaurant, we locked lips under the bridge. "It's significant for today, that's for sure," he laughed.

Okay the joke was not funny anymore. What was today? Think, Aubrey come on. You got all dressed up. Everyone is talking about love. What. Was. Today?!

We ate and joked about how fun today was, thanking the boys up and down for all of the hard work that they put into everything. It really was special.

"You guys give up?" Jax asked, as we finished off our tiramisu.

"Kind of," Brantli told him. "We thought you guys might have done something bad,"

"I told you! Brother, I fucking told you!" Opie said, trying not to yell. "You owe me $40!"

"I'm surprised," Jax laughed, as he pulled a small teal box from his pocket. "That you forgot today was Valentines Day," he sat the box down in front of me.

Oh. My. GOD. I couldn't help but laugh and bury my hands in my face. It all made such sense now. Mid-February. Love in the air. The clues, the pampering. They remembered a cheesy holiday like Valentines Day when Brantli and I, the supposed romantic ones, didn't.

"Valentines Day?! Are you serious?!" Brantli interjected.

"Wow we were so off," I laughed.

Opie handed Brantli her present too.

"You guys didn't have to get us anything. You have done so much today already,"

"Hey, you didn't want to make a big deal out of it when we were in Charming. Now that we aren't for once in our lives, I wanted to make sure this was special."

"You know, in case we ever do anything bad and you can look back and say 'well shit, at least he remembered Valentines Day."

We all laughed. Jax had bought me a Tiffanys necklace, and Opie got Brantli a gorgeous diamond tennis bracelet. I couldn't help but resist Jackson putting it on my neck.

"There's one more clue," he smiled. "But, it's back at the house. I figured you guys would want to get changed before here."

* * *

We rushed into my grandpa's house after the long limo ride back. My grandpa and father were sitting on the couch and handed us the clue as soon as we walked in.

_When you were little, your parents read you many of fairytales but none compares to the one that happens here every day just a little after nine_. _Dress casual, and go to the place where magic is made._

Where magic is made? Brantli snatched the clue out of my hands and began to jump up and down. "I told you we were going to Disneyland!"

It was true. We were heading off to Anaheim in no time, courtesy of my father who had been playing along all day. I was still pissed but accepted the ride from him. His assholeness wasn't going to ruin my Valentine's Day.

It was nearing nighttime and with not a lot of time to do much, we managed to walk around and meet a couple of classic characters. My favorite though, had to be Belle. Jackson pointed her out to me, and I thought I was going to faint when I saw her. I went to Disney when I was really young, so I didn't remember much but I definitely felt a sense of nostalgia when her and the Beast approached us. It was really something. After all of these years, he still remembered my favorite Disney princess.

As we lined up in front of Cinderella's castle, the firework show began overhead. Jackson held me close, as we watched the sky light up in beautiful pink and purple colors, then blues and greens. It was orchestrated by cheesy love songs in the background, but my eyes never left the sky.

"I'm so happy I'm here sharing this with you," I told him, as more fireworks began to shoot off.

"Not as happy as I am," he told me. "So? Good day, right?"

"I knew from the morning that I woke up this morning that it would be," I replied.

"The necklace wasn't the only thing that I got you," he said.

"Jackson stop. I didn't get you anything," I said, as he slipped a little black box into the palm of my hand. It was a ring. Slow down, Jax. We have a million other Valentine's Days to spend together.

"Marry me?" he asked, and I definitely thought I was dreaming.

"What did you just say?" I asked him, looking at him with an expression like no other in my eyes.

"You heard me," he chuckled. "We don't have to now, I'm saying when we're eighteen. When we graduate from high school. Be with me for the rest of my life, like how we had always planned," he said. "Because I love you. And I've never been more in love with you than I am right now."

"Jackson Nathaniel."

"What do I have to do? Get down on one knee?" he asked. I knew that he was no longer playing around.

"It would be nice," I joked. But, knowing Jackson he always took me serious so the badass got down on one knee.

"Marry me. Make me the promise that even if you leave, you will come back to me and become my wife."

I couldn't speak after that, because he knew my answer as I shook my head. "Just a promise, right?" A harmless promise that I wanted to come true. That I was going to stick to.

I held out my pinky, as he stood up and interlocked his in mine. He slipped the ring on my finger as we kissed.

"I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, best friend." he replied.

* * *

We knew coming back that night that we were leaving in the morning. And, life back at home had really been moving at the pace that we wanted it too. My father got a call from Unser. They had found Colton's killer from an anonymous tip to the police. He was dead when the squad cars got there. The man that killed my brother was killed by the hands of a son. While it wasn't an ideal ending to the perfect Valentine's Day, knowing that he was dead was a bittersweet ending for me. Now, came the hard stuff.

* * *

**A/N: I figured I'd do a total fluff Valetine's Day chapter now to try to get away from the more SAMCRO related things coming up. Do you think Aubs is going to move after Jax's question?**


	17. Chapter 17

Since the plan had been executed out perfectly, we saw no reason to stay in Venice for another day. We packed up our things, said goodbye to my grandfather and promised that we would come again soon.

"Maybe you can come up to Charming soon, gramps," Jax joked with him. Oh yeah. My grandfather would love to be surrounded by the people in Charming.

"I'll have to. It would be nice to see Braison for a change," he chuckled.

We had another long, five hour drive home. My dad made me sit up front this time. We didn't say a word as we passed the sign greeting us into our hometown. For once in my life when I was heading back to my parents house, I didn't know what was going to happen.

My mom greeted us at the door and it was nice to see her up and moving for a change. Her breath and clothes still smelt like whiskey, but she covered the strong scent with her perfume as much as she could. "I'm so happy to see you guys," we followed her into the house and sat our bags down. "How was Venice?"

"It was a lot of fun," I told her. "Can I go upstairs?" I begged.

"Of course, why wouldn't you be able to?" my mom was dumbfounded.

"Sarah I really think we should talk to her," my father replied.

"About what?" my mom asked.

"You know what about," my father replied. "About the divorce."

"You told her without me?" my mom asked.

"I didn't know if you would be sober when we got here. I figured I would tell her, then it would make everything easier."

"Did your father tell you everything? See! This is why you can't be trusted!"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Aubrey, did your father tell you that he cheated on me?" my moms face grew cold as she picked the bottle up. I snatched it out of her hands almost immediately.

"Enough! Mom! Come on. Can you not talk to us before you swallow alcohol?"

"Why do you think I drink, Aubrey?! Your father, the man that I have been faithful to for thirty-two years slept with another woman!" she began. "For five years. Your father has been sleeping with one of his executive producers at the station! Did you tell her the real reason you are moving to Milwaukee? It's not the fact that you got a new position. You're following the girl there! You're divorcing me to be with that 28 year old slut!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My father, a decorated family man was sleeping with another girl that was his sons age. I couldn't bare to think about it anymore.

"Dad? Is that true?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, hanging his head low.

"Then why are you going to Arizona?"

"Gemma recommended it. Said it was the best place to go for treatment. I would do my detoxing and then attend some different classes on how to control my alcohol addiction, and then I would come back up here, pack up, and stay."

"Mom."

"It's just a year thing. They have housing there, and my doctors are on-hand," "They offer schooling right on sight, too."

"Would we come back after a year then?"

"It all depends on if we like Arizona or not," she explained. "You have a whole world out there honey that isn't just Charming. I think it'll be good to get away from all of this for a while."

I didn't get it. Why did I have to go? I didn't have anything to say to either of them. I got up, slammed the door, and made my way over to Braison's. I needed answers, and maybe he was the one that I needed to get them from.

* * *

"Hey sweetie. What're you doing here?" Alyssa asked me, as she opened up their door. Braison lived closest to TM, so the walk over was a pretty long one. Itgave me a lot of time to think though. "Paisley, Abigail! Aunt Aubrey is here!" the kids came rushing the entryway as I made my way inside. "You want something to eat? I just made the kids Mac and cheese. There's still some left if you'd like."

"No, I'm okay," I replied. "I'm actually looking for my brother."

"He's upstairs. What's up honey?" she asked me, as we made our way into the kitchen.

"There's so much going on. I don't even know where to begin."

"I'll make some tea. Start talking," she told me. From the way my words flowed out of my mouth, I could tell that she was pissed. Especially about the cheating. Alyssa had been a part of our family since my brother was in high school. She had given my parents their only grandkids and stuck with them through some of the hardest times.

"Braison! Braison Daniel!" she yelled up the stairs. "I think your brother should hear this, too."

"What?!" he exclaimed, making his way down the stairs.

"Babe, sit down and talk to your sister. She needs you right now," Alyssa said.

Braison and I have never been close at all. Nearly thirteen years stood between us in age. He was out of the house a lot more than Colton was and grew up a lot faster, too. He was in high school when I was born, so he wasn't around for much of my life. Then he lost his job, so he moved here with us. And then he married Alyssa, had kids, and grew up some more. He had distanced himself a lot from my parents, causing the distance to affect me, too.

"Hey, Aubrey. What's up?" he asked, after giving me a hug.

"I'll be in the living room," Alyssa said.

"It's bad at home, Braison."

"What do you mean? I thought you all just went to see grandpa?"

"We did. After the club threatened to kill dad."

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't see the broadcast?"

"Oh no, I did. And I couldn't believe he was that stupid to go to the cops. He might not know about SAMCRO but he's not stupid. Hell he reads the news. He hears what goes on. He's friends with the cops. He's friends with the guys! He gossips. He chooses to ignore it though. Doesn't want to accept it. We killed the guy last night," he whispered, making sure that the kids didn't hear him.

"Well did you know he's been cheating on mom? And that they're getting a divorce?"

"No," he replied.

"Or how about that he's moving to Milwaukee to be with the girl in the office that he's been cheating on her with. Or that moms going to rehab for drinking?!"

"I knew the rehab part. And it's not just the drinking. It's the heroine, too"

"The what?" Up until now, I had just known my mother to struggle with alcohol. Not hardcore drugs.

"The heroine. She's asked Clay to get her some a few times and I guess he was talking to Gemma about how to help her. She found this place in Arizona."

"And do you know where I'm going?" I asked him.

"You're staying here, aren't you? With Brantli or something?"

"No. I'm not allowed to," I replied. "I brought you and Alyssa up, saying maybe I could stay here for the year that it's going to take mom."

"Aubrey," he started. "You know I love you. You're my sister. But right now, things are tough here. Money's running out. We have to think of a better way to do things with the club. The silly dope trades aren't working much anymore. TM isn't paying much. Alyssa's job is good, but it's not even to raise two kids off of. I would love for you to stay here. But we can't afford it right now."

"I could get a job," I told him. "You'll have an extra set of hands around the house. I can sleep on the couch or something," I explained. "I can't leave for a year."

"I know you can't! And I don't want you to either!"

"Well I know you aren't going to help me, so what state should I pack up all of my shit and go to?"

He sighed. "Look. I'll talk to Alyssa. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea for you to move on. It would be a good thing to have you around here."

I got up and started jumping up and down with a huge smile on my face. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I squealed.

"Don't say anything to mom or dad yet," he replied.

"I won't! I promise! Thank you!" I replied.

"You sure you don't wanna stay for lunch?" Alyssa asked me, as she walked into the kitchen.

"Auntie Aubrey, you're leavin already?" Abigail asked me, as Braison scooped her up in his arms. She began to play with the patches on his kutte.

"I don't have to," I told her, brushing her thin blonde bangs out of her eyes.

"Yay! We can play with my toys! Mommy got me a new Barbie dream house!" she exclaimed, reaching for me. I grabbed her and placed her in my arms.

"Really? Oh now that sounds like fun!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah!" she said. "Mamma, is it okay if Auntie Aubwee stays?" she asked Alyssa sweetly.

"Of course baby," Alyssa replied. Paisley kept his eyes glued to his Nintendo 64 that was hooked up to the TV in the living room. I set Abigail down on the floor. She grabbed my hand and lead me into their small play room. Her pink tutu and socks led the way. I could see living here, in the midst of chaos and Barbie dolls. It would be a lot better then having to move.

* * *

I stayed almost six hours at my brother's house that night. I had played house, Barbies, a couple of rounds of Sega, and helped tuck the kids in. When that was all over, I was happy to relax and have a glass of wine with my sister in law.

"Who got you that gorgeous ring?" she asked, admiring the tiny silver band with the small opal stone.

"Jax," I replied back. "You should've seen what they conjured up for Valentine's Day for us. It was so romantic," I gushed.

"I heard about the scavenger hunt! I actually gave them that idea. They were asking all of these silly questions since you know, I'm from Venice and Jax called me to let me know that it went really well. He didn't tell me that he got you a ring though."

"Yeah," I replied. "We aren't, engaged or anything. It's just a promise."

"You know that's what being engaged is, right? It's a promise that you are going to engage your life with one another and be married."

"How old were you when my brother first asked you to marry him?"

"We were I think fifteen," she laughed. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but tread carefully. I know it's high waters getting into something like this with Jax. He's a good guy, Aubs. Don't let that tough guy persona fool you," she laughed. "The club changes guys sometimes though."

"You think my moms gonna let me live here?" I asked her.

"I hope so. That was great having your help like that. They really miss you."

"I should try to be a better aunt," I told her.

"You're not a bad aunt, honey. You're a teenager. You have your own life too. Just make time for family that's your own, and not the Tellers."

Those words really hit home for me. So, walking into my parent's house that night it was no brainier the choice that I was going to make. Put your own family first. Those were words that I had taken to heart.

* * *

"Hey honey," my mom told me.

"Hi," I replied back, taking my leather jacket off and placing it on one of the coat hooks.

"Did you have fun at your brother's?" she asked, taking a sip of the whiskey in her rock glass.

"Yeah, it was nice," I said, leaning against the wall.

"You make up your mind?" she asked me, as I made my way over to the couch.

"You're sick mom, aren't you?" I asked her, taking our conversation in a different direction.

"I am sick, baby," she replied. "I need help."

"You're going to get it," I promised. "And if you need me to be there to help you through it, then I will."

"Braison doesn't want you to live with him?"

"No, no. Him and Alyssa would love to have me around the house. But I just can't."

"Why not?"

I sighed. "After Colton died, I wanted to get away from this family so bad. I could feel it crumbling and I didn't know why. I wanted to get out the best that I could. But I heard some wise words tonight: I have to make time for my own family, not the Tellers. I'm a Springsteen, not a Teller. And my mom needs me. And you don't walk away from people that need you."

With that phrase said, I knew what I just told her. I was moving to Arizona.


	18. Chapter 18

_Aurora and Harley,_

_So, it was set. I would be leaving to go to Arizona in mid-July, after my mom completed her three month detox. The nurses at the facility wanted her to get comfortable and get all of the drugs out of her system before I moved down there. When I shared my news on a dreary April morning, they just stared at me. __They had no words, just blank expressions on their faces._

"Lets make the most out of these next few months."

And God, did we ever. I spent a lot of time with Brantli, packing up my room little by little as we gossiped about the girls at school, the guys, and the many adventures that we would soon be going on.

My dad had left weeks prior with his new mistress after their divorce was quickly finalized. My mom had even encouraged me to drop my father's last name and I soon changed it to Aubrey Daniels, legally. From that point on, I knew that I wanted nothing to do with my father. And oddly, I was okay with that.

We ended freshman year on a high note, to say the least I guess. When it was time to pick classes for last year, I told my guidance counselor what was happening.

"You'll miss this place, I'm sure."

And I would. I would miss CHS more than I think anyone should. I would miss the commotion in the morning and in-between classes, the tasteless food at lunch, and the teachers: including Svecky. On our last day of freshman year, he wrote a quote on the board:

**In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.**

I think that summed it up pretty nicely for us.

That summer was our first with Brantli. We spent many nights traveling, wandering around Charming. Jackson and Opie finally got their motorcycle license and spent days working on their old Harley's at Teller Morrow. Then, Brantli turned 16 and got her driver's license. We spent nights on the beach. We spent nights getting drunk. We spent nights in her garage smoking our troubles away and listening to old Led Zepplin records. We saw Bruce Springsteen and the E Street band and felt alive, as the music hit our souls and pulsed through our veins.

That was the last good day in Charming.

* * *

The days following, my mom had called to let me know how amazing it was in Arizona. "I haven't felt this alive in years," she told me. The weight of the world and of her old life was off of her shoulders and she was ready to get better. Funny. Just as I was beginning to feel alive here, she was beginning to feel the same somewhere else. My suitcases were packed, finally with all of the clothes that I would be taking with me down to Phoenix. I had put it off for as long as I could because I hated leaving. And on the day of my going away party, I had realized that I hated goodbyes even more.

Gemma had cooked my favorite dinner and all of the guys had come over her house late that evening. As the sun set over Charming, I realized that the day was coming to an end and that I would never see it set over the place that I loved for a year. A year. A whole fucking year without everyone that was here now supporting me.

The guys had a meet in Oakland later in the evening with the 'Niners and the Mayans. It was big, and no matter how much they wanted Jackson to go, he wouldn't. He wanted to spend our last night together. Opie offered to go in his place. They wouldn't be back until early tomorrow afternoon, meaning I had to get all of my cheesy goodbyes out of the way now.

Otto, Tig, Chibs, Lenny, Piney, and my brother were the first ones to head out to the clubhouse. With hugs galore and many encouraging words, I knew that this was not the end of goodbyes. Clay, JT and Opie were next, and some of the most bittersweet.

Clay had given me a hug and told me that he would look out for my brother, making sure that nothing happened to him. I appreciated that, especially because Braison was so mad that he convinced Alyssa for me to move in with them only for me to change my mind. "My door is always open," he had said, and I couldn't even say anything back to him because I would be leaving my brother for the first time in my life. We had never not lived more than fifteen minutes away from one-another, so it was going to be tough.

"Take care of your mother," JT had reminded me. He handed me a black SAMCRO tshirt with the emblem of the reaper on the front. "I think you earned that," he told me. I had no idea that that would be the last time that I would ever see the founding father of SAMCRO.

Opie was next, and I couldn't even begin myself to say goodbye to him. "Don't break her heart," I told him, as I began to let out a river of tears.

"I promise I won't," he started. "God Daniels, I can't believe you're leaving," he joked.

"I'll be back. It's just a year," I said. "Take care of Jax for me, please. Don't let him be sad. Make sure he goes to school. Make sure he uses his full potential because I know he can do it."

"I feel like I'm losing a member of my family," he told me. "Like my little sister is being taken away from me."

Brantli was next. She had told me that she was going to spend time with her father, and that she would be back to see me off to the airport tomorrow. She wanted Jax and I to enjoy our last night together and didn't want to intrude. "I don't want to say goodbye to you yet," she had told me, but I knew that would be the hardest part tomorrow.

After helping Gemma clean up, she shooed me away and told me to go upstairs. I did without hesitation and found Jax sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Whatcha looking at?" I asked him, as I crossed my arms over my white and gray plaid shirt.

"This," he said, holding up a picture of us on our first day of fifth grade. Gone was the small, blonde boy and short girl with long pig-tails in her hair. They had traded their character lunch boxes in for their teenage years long ago.

"Oh my gosh," I smiled.

"I keep it in my wallet with me all the time," he said. "I like to think of how simpler things were back then."

Because they were. When I was ten, I never imagined the things that had happened this year to happen to me. I joined him on the bed and quickly pulled out my wallet from my purse. "I keep this one," I told him, holding up the one of us from homecoming last year. "It tells me that you're finally me and we don't look as scared as we did on our last first day of elementary school than we did going off to that dance. Life changes, and you just have to roll with it."

As he wrapped his arm around me, he sighed. "I can't believe you leave tomorrow,"

"I know," I told him. "One more night to make the most of it, I guess," he sighed. The funny thing was, Jax never told me to not go. He never told me that I should stay here and the decision that I had made was wrong. It had upset me, sure but he knew family was big in both of our lives and wouldn't tell me what I could and could not do.

As we made love that night, I could feel the emotion that he put into it. I could feel him holding onto me tighter than he ever had, and I didn't know what it meant at first. We had both become aware of each other's bodies by this point, and as we did it a second time under the moonlight, I could feel him begin to crumble and make sure each touch and each kiss was more passionate than the last.

When my insomnia began to kick in, I headed downstairs to the kitchen. The house that was once in an uproar was now quiet. I was alone with my thoughts. There were so many things still left unsaid, and I had decided to write them down in a letter: one to Jax and one to Brantli. As I dug for a piece of paper and a pen in their office supply drawer, I had planned out exactly what I wanted to say. I decided to write Brantli's first. I turned on the overhead dining room light, grabbed the black plastic ashtray, and lit one of my cigarettes. I grabbed the pen, and began to scribble my thoughts on the piece of blank paper.

_Brantli Rae,_

_My first thought as I was sitting at the Teller's kitchen table was how much I wanted to call you and tell you how emotional I felt. I wouldn't call it sad, because there is a joy in me for what you are embarking upon that really fills me with excitement. You're finally the third Musketeer for our favorite boys! Maybe I can't describe how I feel, maybe that's okay. Alright I've decided – it's okay._

_You've been my best friend for the past year, almost. Every moment of our lives we've shared, either in the experience together or over long conversations on the phone. It feels so strange to know that next week I won't be over at your house, watching an episode of one of our sitcoms together and just spending time in each other's space. It's the end of an era. Maybe we are a bit co-dependent, I am looking forward to the immense amount of extra time I will have without you here (although I wouldn't have traded any of our time together for anything in the world). I'm going to get so many things done! I know that really things won't change much aside from the location of our time together, but it's still a strange feeling. It's with my grief, tears, laughter, joy, and excitement for you, I am so jealous. You are on your way to finding yourself out there in the world, away from me, from life as you know it. Everything is new now. Tomorrow brings a terrifying wonder, and you are so blessed to be on this journey. I hope you will be open to everything. I am sure you will. Become a sponge and soak in every experience, every person, every new sunrise in this place, because it is for you. It's for your story. Listen to the guys' stories about their time serving this country. Spend time with Alyssa and the kids because you are now an old lady. I know it gets lonely when they are on the road and off doing club shit now. Man the fort. Make sure that none of them come back in body bags. Listen to Gemma. Talk to her. Keep her sane. Do what I've been doing all of these years because once you get to know her, she's not so bad after all. She grows on you. The late, great Ronnie Van Zant said it best:_

_If I leave here tomorrow_

_Would you still remember me?_

_For I must be traveling on, now_

_'Cause there's too many places I've got to see_

_But, if I stayed here with you, girl_

_Things just couldn't be the same_

_'Cause I'm as free as a bird now_

_And this bird you can not change_

_And this bird you can not change_

_And this bird you can not change_

_Lord knows, I can't change_

_~Lynyrd Skynyrd_

_So this is my love letter to you, my best friend, to remind you that you are always loved, you are always worthy, and you are an inspiration to myself and so many others. There's no space in our lives for goodbyes, we can only say "See you soon"._

I sealed it and put it in the envelope. Jax's didn't come as easy to me and I didn't know why. Maybe because I couldn't bring myself to write it. Maybe because I was so upset because the era and the life that we had both known was coming to an end.

_Jax,_

_I don't know why this is taking me so many tries to get right. I guess it's because I thought that this day would never come as quickly as it did. George Strait, I think can sum up the first part better than I can: our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start. I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart. From here on after, let's stay the way we are right now and share all the love and laughter that a lifetime will allow. _

_I will always remember the first time that we met, the very first time my lips touched your lips, and the very first time that you wrapped your arms around me and rested your head on my shoulder. Your smile and your way of looking at me will always be fresh in my memories. There are so many lovely and wholesome memories but the fact remains that memories are not enough to bind us for the rest of our lives. I still have some deep thought in my mind and in my heart that you are going to beg me to stay. That you are just going to run after me in the airport or hop on the plane and tell me not to go. The picture of your smile keeps flashing back in my mind and that is an image that I will think of when nights in Arizona seem colder than they are here. _

_You will always be the miracle, that makes my life complete. And, as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet. As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see. So, let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be._

_The thought of me going away makes me think of all of the days that I should of kissed you but I couldn't. That I should have hugged you just a little tighter, but I didn't. Said that I loved you, but I didn't. As I leave you, just know that I am leaving you a piece of my heart, a part of my soul, a chunk of my mind, and of course all of my happiness. I can't remember the first time that I ever had to say goodbye to you. You have blessed my last days here in Charming with so much love and happiness and I know that will guide me even in my darkest days. _

_And if along the way, you find a day it starts to storm. You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm. _

_Our lives and our relationship will go on even though I am leaving. I will come back to you, Jackson. We may be hundreds of miles apart but I will be with you, always as you ride the open roads of Northern California on your hunt for manhood and your hunt to chase the dreams that I know you have. _

_I cross my heart, and promise to give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine. _

_Every time you miss me, just close your eyes. Breathe deeply, and put your hand on your chest. You will hear my heart beating inside of yours._

* * *

When I returned to bed, I didn't want Jackson to see me cry. I had finally moved on from crying at night. I couldn't let him see me being weak in a moment that I had to be strong for all of us. He gripped me tighter as I laid down in bed next to him. "This hurts too much," he said. "This physically hurts me, Bre. To know that this is the last night that you will spend in my arms,"

That morning, as I said goodbye to Gemma over our coffee, she couldn't even believe it. "I didn't know suggesting that place to your mom would make you leave too," she said.

"It's okay, Gemma. She needs help, and so far it's really paying off. She seems happy," I replied. I cleared my throat and uttered words that I would never forget. "Thank you for inviting us over to dinner our first night here."

"Thank you for watching Peter Pan with my son."

* * *

We had loaded up Brantli's Ford Taurus upon arrival and soon made our way to LAX. Jax sat in the backseat as cheesy pop music played overhead. When we arrived and parked, we knew this would be the last time that all three of us would ever be together.

"You know where your gate is, right? And you're sure you don't want us to walk up there with you?" she asked me.

"I'm sure," I laughed, as I tugged on the handle of my suitcase.

"This shit sucks," "God I don't even know how to start this," she told me, her voice becoming weaker.

"Because it's not a goodbye," I reminded her. "It's a...a see you later," as she gave me a hug, I knew Jax was last. With mascara dripping down from my eyes, I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. Brantli had stuck by the Taurus, as Jax walked me to the elevator of the cold parking garage there.

The great Waylon Jennings once said "If you see me get smaller, I'm leavin'. Don't be greiving, just got to get away from here. If you see me getting smaller, don't worry. I'm in no hurry. I've got the right to disappear," that quote was going through my mind as I kissed Jackson Teller for the last time. It was so hard to say hello to him when I was seven. Now, that I'm sixteen the hardest thing to do is tell him goodbye. He whispered that he loved me sweetly in my ear, and I replied back with an I love you, too. As I stepped in, I turned around and met his eyes for one last time. "See you later, Teller,"

"See you later, Daniels."


	19. Chapter 19

"Hey, Doug! Is Brantli there?" I had finally landed in Phoenix and Brantli was the only person that I wanted to talk to right now. The flight wasn't long, but it was enough time for me to look out the window and cry my eyes out. I honestly don't think there are any tears left in me at this point.

"Hi Aubrey, yeah she's in the next room. I'll let her know you're on the phone. Glad to hear you're safe," he told me. I could hear the line click over the the phone up in Brantli's room and she shrieked when she finally picked up.

"Aubrey!" she yelled into the receiver.

"Hi!" I yelled back.

"How was your flight?!" she asked me.

"It was okay," I replied. "Kind of short."

"That's a good thing. What's it like there so far?"

I laughed. "It's no Charming, that's for sure," Charming, it sure wasn't. As soon as I stepped off of the plane, the air felt...dry. It wasn't even hot or humid it was just dry. There were so many mountains, and as the sun was high in the sky it reflected off of the beautiful structures more than it ever had in Charming. There was no greenery, only dirt with the occasional cactus. My mom's rehab center sat in a secluded part of Phoenix. As the cab driver dropped me off, my mother was there to greet me with open arms.

"It's so good to see you, baby!" she exclaimed to me. My mom looked amazing. She was glowing positively, her brunette hair fell into a pixie cut, and her eyes looked even more hazel in the Arizona sunlight.

"I'm so happy your mom is doing good," Brantli told me. "What's the place like?"

"It's beautiful," I told her.

Even though the rehabilitation center was in the most secluded part of Arizona, I could tell that it was built with care. Maricopa County Healthy Living stretched on for about 65 acres. The actual rehab center sat in the middle of the community and consisted of counseling rooms, detox centers, a full kitchen, a home theatre, and a huge dining hall. There were showers, an in and outdoor pool, classrooms, and so many other things that I couldn't even remember my mother telling me. Our condo sat on a block a little ways away. It was small, and had two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen, and a decent sized living room. The walls were bright and the carpeting was soft. My mom had even begun to put up family portraits to make it feel a little like home.

"It sounds awesome," Brantli said, as she crunched a chip in my ear.

"Yeah. What're you guys up to tonight?" I asked, leaning back on the frame of my twin sized bed.

"Uhm, I think we're going down to the ledges. That's what Op said at least."

"How's he doing?" I asked her.

"Opie? He's fine. I guess the meet went well, which is a good thing. They're talking about wanting to sell guns or something now. I don't know. Most of the guys are pretty pissed so they have church later on this evening."

"And Jax?"

I could feel her shrug her shoulders through the phone. Another crunch. "He just sat in my car in the parking garage crying. He kept saying 'this isn't real. She's going to come back. She's not going to get on the plane'."

"Well he wasn't telling me to stay or anything."

"Woman will you let me finish?" Brantli asked. Another crunch. "And then," she started with her mouth full of food "he said that he was such a dumbass for letting you go. But he knew that he couldn't make you stay. You needed to be with your mom."

"He could've. Maybe if he would have pushed me to stay a little more, I would've given it a lot more thought."

"That's Jax though, babe," she told me. "Hey, I'm getting another call. Do you mind if I put you on hold?"

"No, no it's fine. I'll call you later," I promised her.

"You better!" she exclaimed. "Love ya girly."

"Love ya too," I told her, as I hung up the phone. My mom knocked on my door and I let her in.

"Hey, want to maybe go grab some dinner? I know you haven't eaten yet today,"

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good," I told her.

"I've got a meeting tonight too. Do you wanna sit in?"

"Whatever you need me to do," I told her, giving off my best fake smile.

* * *

The dining hall was huge. It looked more like a high school cafeteria to me. The food actually tasted decent, too. It was a buffet, so food lined each corner. I had went with just a salad, while my mom filled up her plate with steamed veggies, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and cornbread. We took our seats at the far end of the hall.

"Have you talked to your dad?" she asked me.

"Ew," I replied, taking a sip of my Pepsi.

"Yeah, I know neither have I," she laughed. "You have a good summer, baby?"

"I did," I replied. "The going away party last night was fun."

"That's good. I know it was bittersweet for you too."

"It was. But I've known for months that I was leaving, so the shock kind of wore off after awhile," I took a bite of the ranch soaked cherry tomato. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing better," she started. "Taking it day by day," she said.

"Sarah!" I heard a gentlemen's voice call out. We were soon joined by a tall, older looking gentleman. He had a buzz-cut and wore a pair of white scrubs. His jaw was outlined with facial hair and he had eyes that looked almost like the color of whiskey.

"Hi Jeremy," she told him, as he took a seat next to us. "Aubrey, this is my sponsor, Jeremy. He's the one that's been assigned to help my rehab process and make sure that I'm doing what I need to do. Jeremy, this is my daughter Aubrey."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, miss Aubrey," he replied, his sweet southern accent sticking to each word like glue. "Your mamma's told me a lot of good things about you."

I shook his hand. He was cute. Not a fuckable kind of cute, but more of a movie star kind of cute. "Nice to meet you," I replied.

"You have an okay plane ride? Your moms been excited to see you for the past few months," he replied.

"Yeah, it was fine," I replied, taking another sip of my soda. "I'm gonna go get a brownie," I said, before carrying on any sort of conversation with him. Wasn't quite ready to talk about the plane ride here all like that. I was still so sad. Maybe the brownie would help...hell, maybe 12 brownies would help...

* * *

My mom had asked me to go to her AA meeting tonight. With a heavy heart, I decided to go. I needed to show her that I was there for her. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, we headed down to the chapel where the meeting normally took place. According to my mother, it was an every Wednesday thing. An entire group of people gathered in the pews of the church. Most people got up and read bible verses. Most people got up and shared their life stories. It seemed to drag on before my mom got up and began to talk.

"Hi, my name is Sarah Daniels and I'm an alcoholic," she began.

"Hi Sarah," the members of the class called out.

"Today is my third month without a drink," she told them. "And, it's also the day that I was once again blessed with my little girl, who has decided to move down here for a year to help me out," she began. "She put her entire life on hold, like I have done for her for so many years. Somewhere along the way though, I lost sight of her and her brothers. I lost sight of how to become a mother to the both of them. Aubrey and her brothers have all taken a different path in their lives and I haven't been there for some of the most important moments in their life. I guess that's why I'm here. I'm here because I soon realized that I needed to stop getting a quick fix to get happy. I'm here because I want to become a better mother. I'm here because I haven't seen my grandchildren in nearly a year because each time they come over and want to see me, I'm drunk on the couch. I'm here because I have two more years before my baby girl becomes my girl in college and I swear to you, Aubrey Nevaeh, I will be here to watch you graduate. To watch you embark on this beautiful journey of life. I'm here to become a better mother to you: the mother that you should have had all of this time."

"Your mom is really somethin', ain't she?" Jeremy asked, as he took a seat next to me.

"What're you doing, stalking us?" I laughed.

"No, I'm here like I am every Wednesday," he replied. "I'm here supporting your mom just like you are. I can tell by the tears in your eyes."

"I am not crying," I told him.

"It's okay to. I ain't judging," he told me. "It's moving, the fact that your mom has come to terms with the fact that she was sick."

"It was about time," I told him. My mom began to recite a poem, and as she entered her last verse, I heard Jeremy ask me what I was doing tonight. "Wanna maybe go for a walk or something?"

"Not particularly. I've had a pretty long day."

"I understand," he started. "But I've gotta ask you some questions and tell you some things about your mom."

"What are you, her doctor?" I asked him.

"Aubrey, your mom has more than just an alcohol addiction," he started.

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"I'm not telling you in here," he told me. "Just come on the walk with me."

* * *

So I did. After my mom's meeting was over and she was settled in front of the television for the night, I joined Jeremy for a walk outside of the condos. He had changed into a pair of jeans and a nice sweater, while I was still in my shorts and bright pink tank top.

"So what did you want to tell me?" I asked him. I was blunt about it, because I wanted to get in and go to sleep.

"Well hello to you too," he replied. "You know, you should invest in some boots or something. Them flip flops aren't going to cut it around here. The rattlesnakes will eat your feet alive."

So in addition to the dry ass air, I also had to deal with rattlesnakes. Like why was he in jeans right now?! I could barely be in these shorts. My clothes were sticking to me.

"Lovely," I told him.

"Next time you go into town, get some. They're lifesavers," he started. We were silent for a little bit because I didn't think buying boots was too funny. Jackson would have found a way to make it funny.

"I heard you asking your mamma earlier how she was doing. How are you doing, Aubrey?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay, I guess,"

"Your mom has told me everything," he said. "So, I know about it all. I know about your life back in Charming. I know about your friends. I know about your brother's death and your father," he said.

"Okay?" Good for you, sir movie star. Would you like a medal or something?

"I'm just saying," he replied. "You don't have to hold anything in. I may be your moms sponsor, but she asked me to help you out too,"

"I don't need help," I told him. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Okay," he replied. "You're stubborn, you know that?"

"Will you just tell me what's wrong with my mother?" I said, my pace coming to a hault. "I'm not here to play 20 questions with you, Jeremy."

"Well, let's go sit down somewhere," he said, as we passed the dining hall. "You want some coffee?"

I put my pride aside for a moment, and bit my tongue. "Sure. Coffee sounds fine,"

We grabbed two large coffees upon entry into the dining room. It was quiet in here. A little too quiet for my liking, but it was better than being alone with my thoughts I guess. We sat at the same table that we were at earlier, and he started telling me everything. About the detox, and how he watched my mom just sweat all of the drugs and alcohol out of her system. He told me about the many nights that she had spent in the ICU of the facility there. About how they almost lost her, twice because she threatened to end her life. She would wake up in the middle of the night asking for drugs. She would call out my name, and I wouldn't be there. She would ask for Colton or my dad and realize that neither of them were coming back.

When he finally got to it, he tugged on the collar of his shirt a bit. He sipped his coffee slowly and met my eyes with his. "She's got hepatitis C, Aubrey."

"What's that?" I asked. That couldn't be serious. Right? Right.

"It's a blood disease. It's caused by sharing dirty needles, not cleaning them the right way. It's caused by the consumption of too much alcohol. It can lead to chronic liver disease and sometimes cancer," he began.

"But she's fine, right?" I replied. "There's like, medicine that she can take for it, isn't there?" I knew that it was only 1993, but the medical world was transforming before our eyes.

"No. There's no cure for it," he told me.

"So you're telling me that my moms dying?"

"No. It will eventually begin to form into either cirrhosis or cancer. But over the course of many years."

"What if it doesn't take years?" I started. "It can't kill her instantly, can it?"

"It could," he started. "The amount of heroine that she has done over the course of years and the amount of alcohol that she has consumed; it will eventually kill her,"

"Thanks. That's all I needed to know," I told him.

"You're gonna have to talk to someone about this soon."

"Yeah! Someone like a doctor. Not her fucking alcohol anonymous sponsor," I said. I grabbed my coffee and made a hasty entrance out of the dining hall. My mom, too? Why is everyone that I loved dying? Jeremy had turned my night unpleasant in the matter of words, and I didn't even know him. I could tell that I didn't like him already though. He was a little shit and I didn't do well with the little shit types no matter how big of a help they pretended to be. No matter how much he actually cared my mom, no one cared about her more than I did. I wouldn't have came if I didn't.

* * *

**A/N: So what does everyone think of Jeremy? Think Aubrey will open up to him? (I promise they will NOT fall in love. He's just someone for her to lean on right now. That will be explained.) Has anyone figured out why Aubrey is writing this to Aurora and Harley yet? Keep the love coming! Reviews are the best because it tells me what you guys like, what you don't, and what I could improve on. Keep leaving them and keep reading. Xoxo**


	20. Chapter 20

**_November, 1993_**

_Aurora and Harley,_

_I don't know if you guys are old enough to remember, but we once lived in North Carolina. If you are old enough to remember, then you might recall how much I complained to Aunt Brantli about living there and how I wanted nothing more than to go back home. Well, I have officially decided after many years of careful consideration that Arizona was way worse than North Carolina would ever be._

As days turned to weeks, I had began to get myself into a routine. I would wake up early each morning to help my mom tidy up the house and make us breakfast. The early mornings with her were when she was her best. She wouldn't feel tired and she wouldn't feel sick. Although she looked fine on the outside, I could tell on the inside that this was slowly killing her.

In the weeks following my arrival, I had started talking to her doctors more and more. They had told me that she began developing early signs of cancer and what to look out for. They wouldn't dare tell me that she had it or how long it would be before it became prominent but my mother was slowly slipping away from me. After breakfast, I would head across the facility to one of the small meeting rooms. I would stay with my teacher, Ms. McGee for a couple of hours, working diligently on geometry and biology. After lunch in the dining hall, I would focus on my English 2 class which focused more on creative writing than anything else.

"You're a really gifted writer, Aubs. You could go far with this."

"You think?" I asked her.

"Absolutely. You could make a career out of it if you wanted to."

I had begun writing in my spare time. Most of it was letters to Jax and Brantli, outlining and complaining how much I wanted to go home. Other times, I would take my notebook to the Wednesday meetings and write down what my mom was saying. Her words were an inspiration for not only the people around her, but for myself too.

Jeremy would join us some nights for a walk or even when we watched our sitcoms. My mom had told me several times that I was being rude to him. I didn't dare let him see my vulnerable side. My weak side. The side of myself that I had left back in Charming all those months ago.

By November, the air had began to get a little less dry. The nights were a lot colder and let my mind wander and do crazy things. I had ended most nights with a phone call back home. Sometimes Brantli, but most of the time Jax. He would tell me all of the things that they were doing and I couldn't help but feel sad. I yearned for his touch, for his smile. For the goofy tactics that he would do. For his strong persona. I had yearned and longed for home.

Gemma, too would call me sometimes to talk to my mom. I had told her some things that I couldn't tell Brantli and Jax because they wouldn't understand. Gemma was a mom, so she knew how everything was becoming for me. She had blamed herself a lot for my leaving, but I told her the same thing over and over. "It's not your fault"

They had began sending care packages from back home with different pictures, letters, and other staples of home. My favorites were the tshirts that Jax would send me, soaked with his cologne and the faint smells of leather.

On a day that seemed a little out of the ordinary, I woke up with not a problem. I had completed my morning routines, and my teacher had given me the afternoon off. My mom wasn't feeling up for anything, especially when Jeremy had suggested that we all go to the Grand Canyon.

"It'll make you feel better, Sarah. I promise."

"I can barely walk up the stairs now, I don't think I can climb the Grand Canyon," she laughed.

"Do you care if I take Aubrey then?" he had asked.

"I think that would be good for her."

"But, mom I've got a lot of homework and stuff. I don't think I should leave. Plus you aren't feeling real well,"

"I'll be fine honey. Go,"

"I don't want to,"

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Do it for me, please"

* * *

So yeah, my moms sponsor had whisked me off to the Grand Canyon. It wasn't too far from the rehabilitation center, so he tried his best to make small talk that I wasn't open to.

"How do you like your classes?"

"Fine"

"How are you liking Arizona?"

"Fine."

"How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"How's Charming? I heard you talking to Jax this morning."

"Fine."

Those are how most of our conversations always went, so why was he surprised. I didn't want to be here almost as much as him, so why should any of this be a shocker to him?

We parked, and slowly began to climb the mountainous structure. It truly was beautiful. When we made it to the top after two long hours of silence, I couldn't help but just stand there. I could see the whole state expanding before my very eyes. It was breathtaking.

Jeremy handed me a bottle of water when we reached the top. "Thanks," I told him.

"No problem," he laughed. "Sometimes, I just love to come out here and think. It's a good place to do that."

"Mhm," I replied, taking a long sip of the water.

"You know, I can put a request in for a different sponsor for you. I can tell things aren't going to work out between you and I," I was silent. "I asked to be your mother's sponsor though. Her story is identical to my mother's and I saw someone that needed help just like my mom did all of those years ago. If it wasn't for this center, she would have died a lot sooner than she had."

"Your mom passed away?"

"Yeah, when I was a senior in college. She had gotten cirrhosis and her liver just began to fail. There was nothing that the doctors could do for her from that point on. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to show her that her son was weak. I'm not trying to replace your brother. I'm not trying to replace Jax. I know what you're going through. I know you can't keep all of this sadness bottled up."

"I can if I try," I told him.

He shook his head. "But why would you want to do that, Aubrey. Why would you want to show no emotion towards your mother?"

"It's not like it's on purpose. It's who I am. I've been judged my entire life by the outside world looking in."

"Whose going to judge you here? This is a safe zone, Aub's. You're a strong girl. You dropped your entire life to be with your mom and I think that really says something about your character."

"Why are you so nice to me? God it's sickening," I laughed.

"Because no one was nice to me when my mother was going through all of this. I had to depend on myself. I had to go through it alone. And you're not alone. You've got a ton of people that love you and want you to get better too,"

"I'm not sick though. I'm not the one with the addiction."

He laughed. "You might not be sick, but you aren't well either. We are all just a little unwell, Aubs. That's life. It's nature."

"I haven't been a very good daughter," I started. "I took my family for granted a lot. I took for granted the fact that I had two parents whose marriage was fine. I had two amazing brothers and an amazing niece and nephew. But I was so focused on the family that I wanted to be in. I was so focused on getting Jax Teller to be my boyfriend that I guess I stumbled along the way."

"And that'll happen too. We aren't perfect. No one expects you to be."

"My mom does. My mom has my entire life."

"I think it's because she sees so much of you in her. She sees her strong personality. She sees her huge heart. She sees her when she looks at you. You are a spitting image of your mother."

"I love her, Jeremy. I've never not loved my mother," I said. "It's just that when Colton died, she saw no emotion. She got a couple of quick fixes to numb the pain and then just decided to move on."

"She didn't move on. She was hurting inside too. She's told me about him. About how he was the best man that she's ever known."

"What was your mom like?" I asked him, crossing my legs Indian style.

"My mom was my favorite person in this world," he said. "She was a radiant beauty that had gotten off on the wrong side of the road. She had me right out of high school and stayed with my father, who was also a junkie. I spent my childhood watching my father sell drugs out of our small home in Tennessee. I spent nights lying awake while they taught. I spent nights hiding from my father because I knew as soon as he got high, he would result in violence."

"And then what?"

"He left, leaving my mom a single parent. She would continue to get high and lay on the couch all day. I started working as soon as I could, providing for the both of us. On my eighteenth birthday, she overdosed and the doctors wanted her to get help right away. She had too many drug connections in Tennessee so I moved with her. I went to Arizona State and she got the help that she needed. I met my real mother for the first time. The real Adelaide Marie. The woman that she was before all of the cocaine and the pills. And now you're getting to meet the real Sarah Daniels."

"How long has she been using for?"

"When your father started cheating. So about five years ago."

"Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she get help sooner?"

"You can't help people that don't want to be help. You can only be there for them when they want to get clean," we sat in silence for a couple more minutes, taking in everything around us. All of a sudden, Jeremy got up and screamed. I had no idea where that came from.

"It's good to let it all out sometimes. It lets God know that you are alive and that you are here on this Earth soakin in every day,"

"It makes you look crazy!" I laughed.

"Try it!" he told me. "Come on Aubrey. Scream at the top of your lungs. Let the world know how you feel!"

I couldn't say no. The poor guy had just opened up to me about his entire life. So, i mimicked just what he was doing. I stood up, threw my hands up in the air and let out a long scream. And then I started to cry. I was crying for my friends back home that I didn't get to share this amazing experience with. I was crying for my father, who got out while he could. I was crying for Braison and Colton and Abby and Paisley. I was crying for Jax because he would never know what it's like to not have a mother. And most importantly, I was crying for me.

"Do you believe in God, Aubrey?"

It was hard to, after all of these months of being let down. "I do," I told him finally.

"There's a verse in the bible. Chapter 12 of Corinthians. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." It's hard not to believe in God being up here."

And he was right. It was hard not to believe in a power and love like this. As I finished crying, we began to make our way down. When we reached the bottom and bolted to the car, I knew those weren't the only tears that I would cry today.

* * *

When we got back to the house, I found my mom sitting in the living room. Nighttime was begging to set over the Arizona atmosphere and it was comforting.

"You guys have a good day?" she smiled.

"Yeah, we did actually," I said, and my next line of thank you was directed more towards Jeremy.

"It's my job, right? The annoying, nagging sponsor,"

It felt good to open up to someone and know that he would be here when I needed a good cry.

"I'm gonna head on home. Y'all have a good night."

"You don't wanna stay and watch tv with us?"

He laughed. "No, I'm gonna go see my mom," he told me. My mom looked at him, somberly. She understood what he had meant by that. When he left, all I could do was make my way over to her recliner and hug her.

"What's that for?" she chuckled, hugging back.

"For being my mom all of these years, even when you couldn't bring yourself to."

* * *

That night, I fell asleep a lot earlier than usual. I had heard my mom up and about, so like a second nature I woke up too. I looked at the digital clock on the microwave. It was 2:46 in the morning.

"What're you doing up?" I asked her, cutting her off mid-sentence.

"Honey, Brantli is on the phone for you. Says its urgent."

Oh my god. Why was she calling? She was probably just drunk and needed a good cry, like I had earlier. But that wasn't the case, as I soon found out.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Aubrey," she said, in-between sobs.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Aubrey, you need to come home."

"What do you mean? You know I can't leave," I said, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"You're going to have to!" she exclaimed. "Jax needs you!"

"What happened?!" I asked her.

"It's John," she started.

"John? What happened? Is he okay?" I couldn't take another thing going wrong in my life. I didn't prepare myself for what she said after that.

"He's dead, Aubrey. He died in a motorcycle accident."

"You're joking. You're fucking lying to me."

"I wish I was!" she said.

"What do you mean?"

"His bike crashed into a semi truck."

"Oh my god," I could feel my whole body shake.

"You need to get here as soon as you can."

I couldn't even talk to her anymore after that. I couldn't bring myself to form sentences. I just stared at my mom, a lifeless expression in my eyes.

"You look like you just saw a ghost, baby. What's wrong?"

"Mom we have to go home," I told her.

"What do you mean, honey? I can't leave," I didn't say anything.

"I'm gonna be sick," I replied, as I darted for the bathroom. Now it was my moms turn to comfort me in the middle of the night.

"1993 was supposed to be the best year ever," I told her, as she held me when I finished getting sick.

"Honey what are you talking about?" she asked me. "I know you miss home but you can't leave."

"I have to go to a funeral," I told her, my face going white.

"Oh my god," she breathed. "Who..."

"JT," I replied.

I couldn't believe it until I actually said it myself. The guy that had been like a second father to me for so many years had passed away. His bike had crashed into a semi. The last time that I saw him at the Teller's that night that I left was indeed the last time that I would ever see the founding father of the Sons of Anarchy. I don't understand. I believe in God, completely begin to restore my faith after having a day like I just had and he leads me down another path of grief. I was beginning to think that there really wasn't a God after all.


	21. Chapter 21

I had spent the better half of the night asleep on the bathroom floor. While it wasn't an ideal sleeping spot for most, I just couldn't bring myself to get up and go into my room. It would mean that everything did actually happen, and the world was continuing to move around me at a rapid pace.

My mom had let me sleep for about ten hours when I finally got the strength to pull myself off of the cold marble floor. As I woke up for the first time in what seemed like days, I saw that the time said 6:13pm. I couldn't believe that I had let a whole day that I could have been in Charming go by.

I made my way into the living room after taking a couple of deep stretches and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I saw my mom in her regular seat, and Jeremy sitting on the couch across from her.

"Hey, look whose up," she told me softly.

"Hi mamma," I replied, as I took a seat next to Jeremy.

"You hungry or anything?"

I just shook my head. "Not really,"

"That's okay," she said. "So, listen I booked your flight to Charming. You're leaving here tomorrow around 6am."

"Mom, no. Stop. I can't leave," I said, burying my head in my hands.

"You have to, sweetie. Your boyfriend's dad just died. You need to go home."

"That's all fine and dandy mom. I don't have a problem going home."

"Then what is it? The funeral."

"Mom I've been to plenty of funerals," I said. "Forget it, you'd never understand," I told her.

"Try me," she replied, setting down her knitting needles.

"I don't have a problem with going home. But I just got comfortable here. It would kill me to go to Charming for this and then just leave."

"Then don't leave," my mom told me and I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

"Mom," I told her.

"Aubrey I'm serious. You're sixteen. You can make a rational decision. If you don't want to come home, then don't. I won't be mad."

"Yeah, but I need to be here for you," I replied.

"Do you remember what you told me the night that you said you were moving with me to Arizona?"

"Of course," I said. Those words would stick with me for forever. Make time for your own family.

"I hung onto those words here. That you were helping your family. You've got this huge heart baby. You can't help it but that's one of the things that rubbed off on your from me. You need to go help the family that's yours, too. Whether you like it or not you will be a Teller soon. They are your family just as much as I am. They helped raise you."

"Mom. I'm going to come back here. I promise. I made you a promise,"

"You made Jax a promise too, baby."

My mom was right. She was right in every way, shape, and form of the situation that was going on. I always thought that when I went back to Charming, it would be a happy day. I would finally be reunited with the people that I had loved most in my life. But now, going back isn't such a happy occasion.

* * *

My first thoughts as my plane touched down in California were that I needed a blunt, a shot of whiskey, and a kiss from the man that I had promised the world to. I hadn't told any of them that I was coming home. When I told the cab driver to take me to 1968 Fairfield Rd in Charming, he seemed a bit bewildered. "You do know that is a towing company, right?"

"I sure do," I told him. "Look, I'm paying you by the minute. Would you just take me there please?" I asked politely.

It was about a four hour drive up to Charming. I was fighting sleep at this point. The sleep schedule that I had tried so hard to stick to these past few months was soon thrown out the window. As I passed the redwood 'Welcome to Charming' sign, I felt butterflies begin to flutter around in my stomach. I don't know why I was so nervous to see everyone.

When the cab driver dropped me off outside, I paid him his hefty fee and began to make my way into the back part of the building. The shop was closed until further notice, but I knew that everyone would be inside. It's what JT would have wanted.

I saw Braison outside indulging in a cigarette when I made my way up to the picnic table outside. "Mind if I bum one?" I asked, and he looked at me if I was lost.

"Aubrey!" he exclaimed, as he stood up and gave me a hug. "What in the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the funeral," I told him.

"Brantli called you?"

"Yeah," I said, my face growing somber as he handed me a cigarette.

"How's Arizona?"

"Horrible," I laughed. "But moms clean. She hasn't taken a sip of alcohol in seven months. I'm really proud of her."

"God that's so good to hear," he replied as he lit the tip of my cigarette. "Don't tell mom I gave that to you."

"Was I born yesterday?" I asked him, taking a seat at the picnic table.

"Braison! Are you out here talking to yourself again?" I heard Bobby's voice soon greet us after participating in more small talk. I wouldn't dare tell my brother that our mom was dying as he was mourning the loss of JT.

"Well I'll be damned. If it isn't Miss Arizona," Bobby said, as he made his way over to the picnic table.

"Its so good to see you!" I told him, giving him a huge bear hug.

"Brantli! Jax! OP! Get your asses out here!" he called to them.

"Dude, what the fuck. What's up?" Opie asked, as they stepped out into the bright California sunlight.

"Oh my god!" Brantli screeched, as she ran for me. She jumped into my arms and gave me a huge hug. "I can't believe it's really you!"

"I've only been gone for four months!" I told her.

"Well, it's felt more like four years," she replied, as she jumped down so that both of her feet were now on the ground. Jax wasn't outside yet as I made my way over to Opie and gave him a hug. Jax soon joined us, and when he saw me the tears formed in his eyes.

"Bre," he said, doing the best that he could to smile through the tears.

"Hi Teller," I replied back to him. He made his way over to me so that we were only inches apart. He pushed my brunette bangs out of my eyes, cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me.

"Like I have to touch you, to make sure that you're really here," he told me, trying to make a joke out of the situation.

"No I'm really here," I told him.

"I've never been happier to see you in my life," he said, kissing me again. "I've waited so long to kiss you."

I kissed him once more. "So have I," I chuckled.

"Everyone's inside," he said, gripping onto my hand and leading me into the sacred hangout.

"Well I'll be damned," Clay said, as he stood up from his seat at the bar. Pretty soon, I was accepting hugs and kisses on the cheek from all of the guys in the clubhouse. There were so many questions: how is Arizona? How's your mom doing? How's school, how's life? How are you doing? And the normally responses were horrible, a lot better (if not for the oncoming cancer, of course), okay but I'm getting by, boring now that I've left this place, better now that I'm back.

Brantli opened up a beer and handed it to me. I know, I know what you're thinking. Why are you drinking if your mom has an alcohol problem? Maybe because that's the only thing that is going to help me cope with the days that I am about to face here.

"Where's Gemma?" I asked. I didn't see her around here at all.

"She's at the house. She should be by soon."

"How is she doing?" I asked.

"Fine, for the most part," Tig replied to me.

"Where you gonna be staying?"

"With me," Braison spoke up. I wasn't expecting that response.

"With Braison," I laughed. I wouldn't dare ask them what happened. I knew the basics: JT's bike was experiencing some problems as he hopped on the highway, the panhandles and the brakes weren't working right, and he had veered into the oncoming lane and hit a semi-truck head on. I wasn't expecting much more than that out of them.

"Do you want something to eat?" I heard one of the guys ask me.

"I'm okay," I replied.

"Well, apparently Gemma and Luann have been slaving over a meal all day. So you better be hungry by tonight."

"What's tonight?" I asked them.

"JT's pre-celebration of life," Clay chuckled. "He was just too damn special not to have a party in his honor. We have a ton of people coming in from other charters for the next day or two, so we figured we would open up the clubhouse to them,"

"That was nice of you," I said.

"That's what family does, baby," Jax replied.

"You guys wanna do a shot?" Otto asked.

"Hell yeah," I heard Bobby replied. Doing shots was something that normally happened before church and after. Not on an every day basis. Otto got up and made his way over to the bar. He pulled out an array of shot glasses and filled them with Fireball. As I smelt it, it instantly smelt like regret. And cinnamon. More regret though than anything.

"To JT. Brother, may your soul never leave this place," as we all raised our glasses in the air and swallowed the liquid, I had wished I had a picture of it. It was one of those moments that I wished I could've captured for forever. All of the guys and Brantli and I at the bar, participating in a club ritual. It would've been a nice picture: one that I wished JT was here to take with us.

**A/N: Figured I would get the easiest parts of Aubrey's trip home out of the way first. This will be one of several chapters posted tonight, because I want to get past the death and into more couple-y things. Grab some tissues, because these next couple of chapters will be as hard for me to write as they are for you to read.**


	22. Chapter 22

_Aurora and Harley,_

_I am so sad for you. I am so sad that there are people in my life that I had the joys of growing up with that you will never know. One of those people being your grandfather. I know that I have told you to call Clay your grandpa since you were born, but the man that helped bring your father into this world was one of the greatest men that I had ever known. There are so many stories and memories that I could tell you about him. He was sweet, he was gentle, and he was kind. The whole reason that SAMCRO was started was to bring together the brotherhood that these men had been a part of in the Vietnam War. Your dad could tell you about that firsthand. If you were to ask your father about JT, he would give you the same response. "He was a good man," but good doesn't even begin to cover how JT was. He was phenomenal. He made everyone feel welcome, no matter their situation. He took people in and made them a part of his family instantly. One of my favorite memories of JT was my first sleepover with your father. He had told us that we had to stay in the living room with your dad on the floor and me on the couch. We had built a fort in the middle of the night, and were up later than usual watching movies. When he got home that night from doing outlaw shit, he came in and said "that's a pretty neat fort." Jax had told him that it was nothing special, but he told him that it was. He had popped us some popcorn and came into the fort next to him. "Got room for one more?" were the words that he had chose to use in that instance. He had told Jax how he got a good girl and to never let me go. I had called him 'dad 2' for the first time that night and he just smiled. To me, he will always be a father. And it was hard to let my father go on that rainy November evening_.

When the commotion with the guys soon began to simmer once again at the clubhouse, I had asked to be taken over to the Teller's. Brantli and I needed to go check on Gemma to make sure that our favorite queen was okay.

"Aubrey, I'm telling you. It's weird. She hasn't cried. She hasn't shown any emotion."

And that was weird. I know she and Clay were an item for awhile, but I couldn't see her not being sad about losing the father of her children. Luann had greeted us after the generous lift to the house courtesy of Lenny and as we made our way inside, it was weird. Gemma was in the kitchen, standing over the crockpot that sat plugged in on the kitchen counter. She and LuAnn were laughing, not crying. I thought when someone died all people did were cry? The wallowed in the fact that that person wouldn't be there anymore.

"Hi Gem," Brantli said to her. She had told me that she wanted to go in first, to make my arrival a surprise.

"Hey honey. You're just in time, I could use some help frosting the cake."

"Well I brought something for you," she smirked.

"Oh lord," Gemma replied. "What is it?"

Brantli moved to the side and let me walk into the kitchen behind her. "Hey Gem."

"Hey stranger!" she told me, as she made her way over to me in a hasty fashion. As she hugged me, I could feel her body grow weaker.

"JT loved you, you know. He would be so glad that you were here."

"I know," I told her. I had to stop myself from crying. I was an old lady, goddamnit. I couldn't let the woman that wasn't even crying about her husband's death see me cry.

"So girls, you wanna help me cook?"

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good."

"You order the flowers and stuff yet?" Brantli asked her, and those words took me back to the day that we had picked out the flowers for Colton's service.

"Yeah, we did that earlier. Picked out a nice casket," she said, paying no attention to Brantli. "I guess all the guys are going to do the pictures and shit later. I'm gonna head outside for a minute. Will you watch all of this in here?" We nodded our heads. I knew where she was going, and I had to follow in pursuit. Gemma had comforted me many times over the course of the last few years, and she needed a shoulder to cry on, too.

"You okay?" I asked her, as I took a seat next to her on the front steps.

"I'm fine baby. Really," she started. "The tables have turned though. You're usually the one out here crying."

I laughed. "Gemma, I don't think I've got any tears left in me."

"Wish I could say the same," she stated. "I've got all these tears and I'm trying not to cry."

"Look, if I've learned anything over the course of these past few years it's that it's okay to cry. It's okay to let someone know that you're a little weak. It makes us human, Gemma."

"I knew the gun thing was bad from the start," she told me. "This new gun shit with the Irish would come back to haunt them. The demons that they were stirring up were waiting to be unleashed."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Nothing," she replied. "It's grown-up shit. It's club shit. You wouldn't understand,"

"I could try," I said.

"I don't want someone to sympathize for me."

"Well, Gemma. At least he's not alone up there, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know how you told me that Colton was now a guardian angel? That he would be in my heart and not to worry because he would be watching over me every single day?" she nodded her head and smile. "Well, now you've got two amazing guardian angels that love you more than anyone could. Your son and husband were finally reunited after years apart. Everyone keeps saying that 'this is what JT would have wanted.' Well you know what I think? I think he's happy that he's once again got his son by his side while they watch you and Jax live your lives down here."

* * *

The next few days were more than stressful. The pre-celebration was just a mess from the start. Most of the guys were drunk by the time we got there with all of the food, including Jax. He didn't want to be a part of the festivities, so I had made sure that he made it to the guest room okay. I had to remind myself that he was hurting, much like we all were.

"Baby, I'm so glad you're here," he had told me several times that night. I was more concerned for Jax than I was anyone sitting out there. Gemma and I had our talk earlier, but I knew one with Jax was soon coming.

"I'm so glad I'm here too," I told him, as I crawled under the sheets next to him.

"Are you leaving after everything's over?"

"That's the plan," I told him.

"Let's go get married so that you can't leave," he laughed.

"Jax," I replied. "We can't."

"Sure we can. I can have Bobby do it right now,"

"Jax you're drunk," I laughed, as he kissed me on the head.

"I just don't want you to leave again."

"Can we just try to spend time together these next few days? Please. I'm in town for the next week."

"Aubrey I miss my dad," he said, as he rolled over on his side.

I began to rub his back in a circular motion. "I know Jax, I know babe."

* * *

The day after was JT's celebration of life. We had decided to have it at the clubhouse, of course and most guys would be attending with horrendous hangovers. Gemma had begged Jax to write something for his father. "I don't even care if you sing. You're his son, you're the future of this club. You need to get up and say something,"

"Ain't gonna happen, mom."

"Can you just do what I ask you, Jackson Nathaniel. For once? Please."

When it came time to hold the service, I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. Most of the guys had went out to the hearse to grab JT's casket. It was pure redwood, draped with the Sons of Anarchy logo on a piece of silk. As they carried him in, I couldn't bare to see the sight that was soon in front of my eyes. The coroner's office and the funeral home had done their best to clean him up, but the signs of most of his injuries were still present. With first goodbyes, Gemma had decided to do a closed casket service. "They don't need to see him like this."

Old classic rock music played in the back ground while people began coming up to Jax, telling them how sorry they were for his loss. "Thanks," he had replied on several ocassions. Most of the time, he just smiled. When it came time for the eulogies to start, the whole place seemed to go quiet fast. We had all taken our seats, not sure of what to expect.

"I just wanted to start by saying thank you all for coming. In 1967, John Thomas Teller had a dream. He had just got done serving in Vietnam and hated the state that this great country of ours was in right now. Together with Piney Winston, they decided to form SAMCRO; Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. They wanted to carry on the same brotherhood that they formed back in Vietnam. JT took so many of us in this room under his wing. He provided guidance for us in the simplest ways. That's the kind of person that he is. He was a loving son, father, and brother to so many of us here. He was an amazing husband to Gemma for almost twenty years. He was a great father to Jackson and Thomas. Although Thomas is no longer here with us, I know that he is by his dad's side watching from above. His eldest son, Jax is here with us tonight however. I believe he has a speech prepared," Clay said, welcoming Jax next to him.

Jax looked at me. "I can't do it baby,"

"Jackson," I told him. "You need to!"

"I can't Bre. Could you read it for me?"

I didn't want to be rude, but I knew that I could not get up and speak for Jax at his own father's funeral. I couldn't let him walk around with that for the rest of his life.

"No, babe. Come on. You'll do fine. No one is going to judge you. They're greiving just like you are. If you cry, so what? No ones gonna care."

With those words of encouragement, Jax had soon found his way up next to Clay. "Hey guys. I'm sure you know who I am, so there's no need for introductions. I loved my dad almost as much as you guys did, so if this is hard for you, you can only imagine how I'm feeling," he began, as he glanced down at the crumbled piece of notebook paper in front of him. "You know, on this paper I have a huge list of sappy memories of my father. I mean they're great, don't get me wrong. But that's not what my dad was about. He would hate the fact that we were all here moping around about him right now. That wasn't the kind of person that he was. He was tough. He had taught me long ago that that's how you needed to be in your life or else no one would be able to take you too seriously," I didn't know where he was going with this, but I was surprised when he began looking at the notebook paper frequently. "But my dad was a decorated man. Vietnam War Vet. Great husband. An all around great person. And the crying and the recalling of the sappy memories are all that seem to help right now. My girlfriend has this thing for writing letters to people to tell them how she feels. She's been doing it since we were little. I had written a letter to my dad on the night that we found out he passed away. If you guys don't mind, I'm going to share it with you tonight. This making shit up off of the top of my head isn't working so well for me," he chucked. "Dear Dad, You've done your best to take care of me ever since I was born. You tried to raise me with good values and a sense of right and wrong. You taught me everything you could: or at least everything I was willing to learn. I know there are so many things that you still want to tell me that you will never be able to. I know that you won't be there to see me graduate from high school. I know you won't be there as I get accepted to college or as I get patched into the club. You won't get to see me get married, or welcome your grandchildren into the world with wise words and a cigar. But you were here for some important things. You taught me how to ride a bike, how to make an amazing grilled chicken breast and garlic mashed potatoes. You taught me how to fish, how to hunt, and how to fight. You sent me out into the world with a bittersweet thought that your son had grown up. Well, I'll tell you what, I still haven't grown up, but I am trying. It's hard to be an adult, you know. Life can get so hectic and tiring. So many people give up on being good. It's hard to watch that happen. I guess the one comfort is that there is always hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for better times. Hope for the things that last. I do owe you- more than I could ever pay. All the sacrifices you made and all the tears you cried were not a waste. I know you did your best for me. I need to tell you that I appreciate that. We both know neither of us was perfect. That doesn't matter. Perfection is overrated. What matters is that you cared. You cared and you gave and you wanted everyone to be happy. More important still is that you never gave up. Sure, you lost a battle here and there, but you bravely won the war. You finished the race. You passed the test... with fucking spectacular, flying colors.

I knew you were real into poetry when I was growing up. I know that you would've liked this poem that I found, while mom and I were taking the much dreaded trip to the funeral home to pick up your things. I wanted to put it in here for you. So, here it goes straight from that 'how to grieve during your father's death' pamphlets.

_Hey everybody,_

_I hope this doesn't reach you too late._

_I don't want you to worry,_

_Because life up here is great._

_I can't wait for you to see the beauty of heaven,_

_But I know it's not your time._

_I really miss you guys,_

_But I know you'll be just fine._

_You know I can see you right,_

_So please stop shedding tears._

_You guys, I'm perfectly fine,_

_So conquer all your fears._

_I'll be watching your every move._

_Relax! I won't spill your beans._

_I need you to come here to meet me,_

_But not if you misbehave,_

_So please keep God in your heart,_

_And you'll be safe and saved._

_Hey guys I know you miss me._

_It's really hard not to._

_But please, please stop grieving,_

_Because you're making me sad too._

_You guys have been a great family,_

_And I am truly blessed._

_You've raised me through my earthly life,_

_Now God will do the rest._

_He's really a great person,_

_And an even better friend,_

_So I'm in great hands,_

_And on Him you can also depend._

_Oh boy, I'm getting carried away._

_I want to say so many things,_

_But I really have to go now,_

_Because today I'm getting my wings._

So how do you thank someone like that? How do you give back to someone who has spent his entire life doing absolutely everything he could do for you? How could you thank someone for keeping you safe and out of harms way for these past sixteen years only to want to do the same shit that you've been doing. Everyone always tells me that I'm you. I'm the spitting image of you. And that's all I've ever wanted to be, really. I've grown up in your sweet and caring presence and I want nothing more than to do the exact same thing that you've done. You were our fearless leader, JT. You remember that one Christmas movie that you forced Thomas and I to watch when we were really little? There's this quote from it that reminds me so much of you. 'Every time a bell rings, an angel get's their wings'. If Harley's had bells, JT you would have about a hundred sets of wings. But I know now. I know how much you sacrificed. And for that, all I can say is thank you. I'm eternally grateful for the life that you gave me. If you've got Thomas up there, then I've got mom down here. We'll be ringing that bell for you, JT. Thank you. We love you."

"To Jonathan Thomas Teller. We'll see you on the other side my friend," Piney said, as we raised our glasses in the air.

The funeral had proceeded that following morning at Charming Cemetery. Gemma had bought a plot for JT that was located right next to Thomas' grave. An array of black SAMCRO kuttes lined the small plot as the rain began to come down harder and harder. As the preacher said a few nice things about him, he began to pray:

"Lord we thank you, for the time that you have blessed us with Jonathan Teller. We thank you for the eternal memories. We thank you for the things that he was able to teach us. I guess you needed him up there a lot more than we needed him down here," "This reading is taken from Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4 to 7. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves," as I threw a rose down onto JT's grave that afternoon, I swore I could have heard a bell ring.

* * *

**A/N: Literally had to stop about halfway through and have a good cry. I lost my father three years ago, so this hit home for me. I know it might not be the best, but it's hard to type while crying! Hope you guys enjoyed it. **


	23. Chapter 23

When it rained in Charming, it seemed to just rain for days and days. There was nothing much to do around here since the hustle and bustle of the recent tragedy had died down.

I had been staying with my brother, per his request for the past couple of days. On one of the days that the kids didn't manage to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning, I decided to join my brother in the kitchen. It was still early, and I knew he probably had just gotten home from doing some SAMCRO business. I could smell coffee brewing and as the smell wafted into the spare bedroom, I had to have some.

"You're home late," I told him, as I joined him at the breakfast nook.

"Well you know how the guys are," he laughed, as he ashed his cigarette. He handed me one, and grabbed a mug from the top cabinet. "You want sugar and creamer?"

"Yes please."

"See, Aubs. A man should know how you like your coffee, your tea, and your alcohol and when you need them most," he chuckled.

"Luckily for you, Jax knows how I like all of those," I told him.

"Alright smart-ass," he replied back.

"He do okay last night?"

"He didn't go. Clay wanted him to sit it out."

"Oh so now Clay is calling the shots?" I asked. I was still pissed that he had been selling my mother heroine after all of these years.

"I mean, yeah he was Vice President," Braison said. "Piney is too ill to do it. Even though that's what JT would have wanted."

"So he automatically gets thrown into JT's spot?" I asked.

"Earned is more like it," Braison told me. "Would you just relax and enjoy your morning coffee and cigarette? There's nothing better, little sis. Pretty soon you'll be playing Barbies and dress up for the next few hours."

"Stop," I told him. I loved my niece, I really did. But I couldn't hangout with Brantli last night because she wanted to have another tea party. She was adorable though. She had pulled all of her stuffed animals out and put tiaras on most of them, and stuck me with a too tight Aurora costume.

"Why do I have to be Aurora?" I asked her on multiple ocassions.

"Because she's my favorite!" she would exclaim.

"What're you doing today for your second to last day in Charming? Tea with Mr. and Mrs. Bear, I presume?"

"You know, you're hilarious in the morning," I laughed.

"Well you know. Someone's gotta tell jokes," he replied. "How's our mother?"

"She's good! She's really good," I replied. "I talked to her last night for like two hours. She seems to be doing fine without me,"

"Have you decided if you were going to go back yet or not?" Braison asked.

"Not yet," I told him. I guess I should decide quick...

"Well, I think we could use you around here. I think mom's just fine out there. She's got all these people looking out for her."

"I can't abandon her, Brais. I can't just tell her I'm not coming back,"

"Didn't she tell you it was fine? Doesn't she only have four more months there or something?"

"She did. But you know mom. She says one thing then means another,"

"Ain't that the truth," he told me. "How's she really doing, Aubrey?"

"She's dying, Braison," I finally told him, after several long moments of silence.

"You're not being serious, are you?"

"I am," I told him. "She's showing signs of early liver cancer with her hepatitis C. She seems fine on the outside, but on the inside I know she's in pain."

"My god," he started. "Maybe we should both go down there. Did the doctors say how much longer she has?"

"It could take years before the full cancer comes into effect," I told him. "So for right now, they've got her on some pills to control the vomiting and her mood swings."

"Speaking of vomiting," he said, taking a long sip of coffee. "I heard from dad, finally. Guess him and Christine are getting married next summer. Wants us to fly out there."

"Splendid offer, but I think I'm gonna pass. You know he hasn't called mom once to check on her?"

"He doesn't care. He's off making a life with some new chick."

"God, no wonder why grandpa looked on him as a failure."

"Yeah, no shit. The stories I could tell you, little sis. You wouldn't believe half of the shit that's happened."

"Like what?"

"It's not important," he said. "What is important is that mom is getting clean and dad is no longer a part of our lives."

"Was he really ever in it, Braison? Was he ever really involved in our lives? I mean, you were out by the time I was a toddler so Colton pretty much raised me. I never really had a father. I had brothers."

"I mean, yeah I guess so. I guess I owe you a lot more than just a place to stay, right?"

"That's not what I'm saying, Brais. Do you know how long it took me to learn to ride a bike? Do you know how long it took me to learn to hit a baseball or to write my name? Mom was absent a lot, off doing God knows what and you were in Kuwait. Between the moving and the constant need for dad to disappear to the station for hours, the only person I really ever had was Col."

"I know I've been a shitty big brother," he said, inbetween sips of his coffee. "But let me take you in. Let me finish raising you while I can,"

"Brais."

"I know I've got kids and I always vowed that I would be a better father than them to our dad ever was to me and you and Col. But let me help you out. Let me teach you how to drive a car. It's a lot more fun a bicycle. Let me help you get into college. Let me help you finish up high school. I mean of course if you move in there's going to be rules,"

"Like mandatory tea parties?" I asked.

"Yeah, see. Now you're getting it little sis," he said. "I love you, Aubrey. You're the strongest girl I know. You were dealt a pretty shitty hand in life but somehow you manage to smile through the pain."

"I mean, I did learn from the best, didn't I?" I asked him. "So what's the plan? I just have mom and her sponsor ship up all my things from Arizona?"

"That could be the first part. But I know an even better plan," as we sat and talked some more about his quite brilliant plan, I was grinning from ear to ear. I knew it would work. I knew deep down that everything my brother was promising would work. Our small talk though was soon interrupted by Abigail, who came running into the kitchen as soon as she heard my voice.

"Oh my goodness, you're still here! You didn't go back to Arimona yet," Z's were still a problem for her.

"Not yet, baby."

"Good, because we have tea at eleven. And don't be late," she told me, as she gave me attitude and put her hands on her hips.

"I think you're starting to rub off on her."

"Poor child," I laughed.

"That's okay daddy. I wanna be just like Auntie Aubwee," she said.

"She is pretty amazing, isn't she?" he laughed.

"Yeah!" she interjected. "Can I have some breakfast now?"

"Of course, angel," he told her. "See, my daughter thinks you're amazing."

"You probably bribed her to say that" I laughed. Paisley and Alyssa soon joined as we put the bacon in the small cooking pan. As the grease began to splatter up, I saw Braison make his way over to Alyssa. As he kissed her on the lips softly, I couldn't help but smile. This. I could get used to this being my new morning routine every day.

* * *

In order for the plan to work properly, I had to first invite Brantli over.

"You're packing already?" she asked, as Abby led her into the guest room.

"Yeah?" I asked her, as I let out a small laugh. "What did you want to do today?"

"I dunno," she started. "I'm feeling a smoke session in the garage. I got a couple new vinyls since you've been over last," she replied.

"That sounds good to me. What are the guys doing?"

"Last I knew, sleeping. But I could see if they want to join."

"Okay,"

"Wanna go get snacks?"

"Is that even a question?" I replied. Brantli laughed. "Let me just shower first."

* * *

Smoke sessions were probably some of my favorite things in the world. Brantli's father and her had an amazing vinyl collection ranging from The Beatles to Tu Pac. I had never been a huge fan of rap: I was raised on mostly classic rock and country. I was shocked when she pulled out our collection for today: Pink Floyd's _Dark Side of the Moon, _Johnny Cash's _Live from Folsom Prison_, Bruce Springsteen's _Born to Run_, and the Beatle's _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club. _She had tasked me, of course with rolling a couple of blunts. "We can all face one," she had told me on the car ride over here. I mean, when your boyfriend does major drug trades, it was easy to get your hands on anything. We had blackberry kush for today; one of the most potent types of weed. As the melody of _"Speak To Me/Breathe"_ by Pink Floyd began to play, I had realized that I hadn't been this relaxed in days. The atmosphere in the garage was enough to do anyone in though and make them feel relaxed upon entry. She had a couple of old sofas and a gold metallic coffee table that sat in the middle of them. There were a couple strings of Christmas lights that hung from the ceiling, and a pool table that sat in the far back of one of our favorite hangout spots. An old record player say by the pool table, and old throw rugs lined the concrete floor. The fridge was always stocked and the cabinets always had chips and other goodies in them. The guys weren't going to be here for another half an hour or so, so I thought this was the perfect time to get any stupid or goofy questions that she had to ask me out of the way.

"God I can't believe you're leaving again," she told me. "We just got you back and now you have to go,"

"I know," I told her. "My moms not doing so great though. Medically."

"I know you told me. Well, you know I've been through all of that. I'm a pro when it comes to moms with cancer. If you've ever got any questions, let me know," she said.

"I will. You'll be the first person I go to," I said. "How's _Grease_ going?"

"Amazing," she replied. "It's going really really good. God I never realized how much I actually liked performing on stage until this play. I submitted an application to Juilliard."

"Shut up," I told her.

"What?!" she laughed. "It's just for an audition. It's not like I'm going to actually go there. It would be cool though, to go and see the place. Even though I've been before."

"It would," I told her. "You do know how far away New York is though, right?"

"I do. You do remember I'm from Boston, right? New York isn't that far away from there."

"That's true," I told her. "I never thought about it that way."

"I mean, yeah I could go to Berkley but if I'm offered a spot at Juilliard, why not take it?"

"When did we start growing up so fast? I mean, it feels like just yesterday we were at the mall shopping for freshman year homecoming dresses and now, we're submitting college applications. We aren't even juniors yet."

"I know," she told me. "It's all crazy."

"Brantli, I want you to know there are other places out there other than Charming,"

"I know that," she laughed. "But do you know that? Do you know how much potential you have? I read your journal while you were in the shower. Best friend code says that it's okay to snoop. I never knew you could write that well. I mean my letter that you gave me...it's like, it belongs in a book or something,"

"Stop," I told her.

"No, I'm serious. There are so many amazing schools out there for writing whether it be plays or movies or newspaper articles..."

"I know," I told her.

"But I know you and you're gonna stay here if Jax does so you'll probably end up at community college and end up working some dead-end job that you're going to hate for the rest of your life."

"I am not."

"Aubrey, yes. Yes you are," she laughed.

"You wouldn't want to stay with Opie?"

She shrugged. "I don't even know if OP and I are together anymore."

"You never told me this," I said.

"I didn't want to. You've got your own shit going on. I thought everything was going to be fine. We just keep fighting all of the time. He doesn't look at me the way Jax looks at you. He doesn't kiss me. When we make love, it's more like one and done. We don't cuddle afterwards. We don't even say two words to each other."

"Why? What happened?"

"People just drift apart, Aubrey. It's nature. It's not like we know when it's coming. Just appreciate what you have. The same shit I've always told you. Jax isn't going anywhere baby. That boy will live and die in Charming."

"If you don't want them to come over I could call them and say you aren't up for it," I replied.

"No, no. We didn't break up. We are just going through a rough patch right now. I'm sure everything will be fine."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "When did all of this get so complicated?"

"Somewhere between this time last year and Venice," I told her.

"It's so sad," she started.

"Why is it sad?" I asked her.

"Because, it's like our teenage years are spent wasted on boys that we don't even know if we have a future with."

Our conversation was soon cut short with the sound of worn Harley's pulling into her driveway. "Time to put our brave faces on," she replied.

"Yeah," I told her, as the guys soon greeted us. Jax had practically leaped over the table to kiss me while Opie stuck with an awkward side hug and a simple kiss on the cheek for Brantli.

"You guys ready to smoke?" she asked, picking up one of the perfectly rolled blunts off of the table.

"I've never been more excited to see a blunt in my entire life," Jax laughed.

* * *

"If I had a million dollars...God, what wouldn't I do?" It had been a couple of hours since we smoked our last blunt and were still feeling the high from the weed. We had made it to the end of the Born to Run album and had somehow decided to ask the toughest questions.

"I mean, I know what I'd do," I told Jax. "Save that shit."

"Not with the way you spend money," he laughed.

"Okay, next question. If you were stranded on a deserted island with a celebrity, who would you pick?" Brantli asked, as she bit down hard on her Butterfinger candy bar.

"Easy. John Stamos," I told her.

"Jennifer Aniston," Opie and Jax both answered at the same time.

"No, no. I would pick Johnny Depp," she said.

"Ooh. Yeah. Maybe our islands could be next to each other, and we could have both whenever we wanted," I laughed.

This game continued on for several hours, believe it or not. When the weed was all gone and the albums were all finished, we had decided to head inside. It was getting a lot colder out with the rainfall, and I was fighting to not fall asleep out on the couch. Brantli and Opie went into her room, while Jax and I took one of the spare rooms. It was still early in the afternoon hours, and if I knew us as well ask thought I did, I knew that we weren't going to call it a night so early. As I crawled next to Jax, he gripped on tight to my entire body.

"You know what sucks?" I asked.

"What's that?"

"Life. It ends. Everything good in it ends. You can't control it, so what's the point?"

"Mhm," he replied to me, as he kissed my forehead. "You excited to go back and see your mom?"

"Kind of," I replied.

"I'm not quite ready to let you go again."

"But you have to," I reminded him.

"I think I need you here a lot more than your mom needs you there."

"Why's that?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just forget it."

"No way, tell me," I replied.

"Just drop it, Aubrey," he started. "Let's take a nap before we go do something tonight, please? I'm tired."

"Why did you let me leave the first time?"

"Why do you have to pick a fight right now?!" he exploded, sitting up straight. "Do you love to argue? Can you never be happy for just once?"

"I can be happy!" I told him.

"Then why aren't you, right now?!"

"Because you never told me to stay here!" I said, as I made my way closer to the door. "You never once told me to stay,"

"That's what this is about?"

"Why didn't you fight for me to stay? Huh, Jackson? Why didn't you look at me and tell me that I needed to stay?!"

"I don't know," he replied softly.

"I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. Do you think I wanted to leave? No. Do you think I wanted to hop on a plane and go to Arizona? No. You have been so distant from me since I landed this time that I'm beginning to think I'm not welcome back into Charming at all."

"Is that what you think?" he asked me.

"Kind of," I shrugged.

"I didn't want to ask you to stay because I'm not that kind of a boyfriend. I knew that your mom needed some serious help. You saved her, Aubrey. How could I take you away from doing that?"

"I don't know," I said, as I moved onto the middle of the bed to sit across from him. He placed my hands in his hands. "Are we okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Brantli kind of told me that things are rough between her and OP right now. Are we good though?"

He let out a small laugh. "Baby, yes," he replied. "Aubrey, I will never hurt you for as long as I live. I couldn't see hurting you in a million years. I couldn't see ending our lives together because there is just too much that I want to do,"

"You never answered one of the questions," I told him. "From the game before. 'Where do you see yourself in five years'?"

"You know where I see myself, Aubs? With you. Because it's always been you and it's always going to be you. Now, I'm asking you once and once only you stubborn piece of work: please do not go back to Arizona. I can't take anymore pain in my heart,"

"I'll see," I said, laughing at him. He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Wonder what Brantli's got goin' for us tonight?" he asked.

"I dunno," I told him.

"What do you see in five years?" he said, changing the subject back to what we were previously talking about.

"I already answered,"

"I was high, I don't remember," he laughed.

"I can give you the simple answer," I told him.

"Sure," he replied.

"I see you."


	24. Chapter 24

After our much needed naps and showers, we were finally ready for the night that we were about to endure. Brantli had begged us all to wear boots and a plaid shirt with a pair of jeans. I didn't quite understand why until we pulled into the parking lot of Whiskey River. It was a country bar that sat just on the corner of Route 307, the highway connecting Charming to Santa Monica and Venice.

"Nope," Opie said, as Brantli parked her car.

"What?!" she exclaimed. "Come on, OP. It'll be fun."

"I don't dance," Jax said, as he put his two cents in the conversation. "What are we even doing at the bar? We aren't old enough to be here,"

"It's teen night. It's open to anyone over the age of 16."

"But we have fake ID's" Jax told her.

"I know. I figured you guys wouldn't want to dance, so you guys could just drink at the bar,"

"Hell, it sounds good to me," Jax replied.

"You wouldn't dance if I asked you too?" I said, giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"I might," he chuckled.

"Well none of us are going to be doing anything unless we get out of this car," Brantli replied. With that being said, we soon began to make our way into the bar. The place was crawling from wall to wall with teenagers and people in their mid-twenties. The smell of stale beer and sweat lingered in the air, and a faints cloud of smoke covered the place. Music pulsed through the speakers, and it was definitely a song that I recognized: _Achy, Breaky, Heart _by Billy Ray Cyrus. The guys found a table as Brantli grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the dance floor.

"I don't know how to do this!" I told her.

"It's cool, neither do I. But we can watch!" she exclaimed.

We had taken a spot in the far back of the dance floor as the people around us began twirling and clapping. It went something like scuff your right foot, cross it then step on it. Repeat it with your left, then hop? Then it was something to do with a grapevine...I don't know exactly, but I kept getting lost and confused. Brantli was naturally good at things like this, so she had caught on right away. Pretty soon, the song changed and we had to learn a whole new dance. When the next song came on, which was Mark Chestnutt's _Bubba Shot the Jukebox, _I saw Jax and Opie soon join us on the dance floor. And this was truly a sight to see.

"Came to dance, boys?" Brantli said, as she made a turning motion with her feet.

"Something like that," Jax said, as he wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my cheek and I took the hat off of his head. As the music picked back up, I was teaching Jax how to do a lot of it. Step to the left while crossing your feet over for four counts then two stomps, repeat it. Grapevine left, grapevine right. Then step down for four counts. He kept getting flustered, but looked really hot doing it. His expanding muscles were bulging underneath his blue and white flannel, his jeans were bootcut, and cowboy boots looked exceptionally well on him.

By the time that song was over, we all decided to head back to the table. Opie had gotten us each a beer, and while Brantli wanted to drink, she just couldn't. "I've gotta drive all of us back, remember?" she reminded him.

"Then I guess you won't be participating in our game," he told her.

Brantli and I looked at each other and laughed. "What game?"

"It's called shot dice. You're gonna roll the die, and whatever number it lands on is the amount of shots that you have to do,"

"Opie you're insane," I told him, as he pulled the die out of his pocket.

"Quick way to get drunk," he said. "Come on now, I'm gonna need shot orders. Aubrey?"

I couldn't even name liquor at this point. "Fireball," oh god no. No. I made a horrible decision that I couldn't take back because Opie made his way to the bar after that.

"I ordered the worst alcohol possible," I laughed.

When he returned, he sat about thirty shot glasses in the middle of the table.

"Do you understand how insane you look right now?" I asked, playing with the hole in the knee of my jeans.

"I do," he smiled, as he handed me the black and white die. "Ladies first," he said.

With a feeling of regret in my stomach, I rolled the die as it landed on a four. "Thank god," I mumbled to myself, picking up four tiny shot glasses. After almost failing to keep them down, I tipped them upside down on the table. "Take it! I don't wanna play anymore!" I laughed. My god Fireball was great and smooth but when it went down, it burned your entire body.

Opie was next. "6!" he shouted, and I knew his poison of choice would be Jack Daniels. Jax was next, and he got a 2.

"I think I got jipped!" he yelled, downing two shots of Captain Morgan.

The guys had continued to play as the shot glasses slowly turned from full to empty in the matter of minutes. The DJ changed the upbeat music to a classic country love song.

"Grab whoever you are with tonight and hold them close because it's time to slow things down."

I stood up and grabbed Jax's hand. "Come dance with me."

He agreed, because he knew it was my last night here. No matter how much alcohol he had consumed, he managed to make his way down to the dance floor with his hand in mine. Opie and Brantli soon joined.

"This is nice," I told him.

"Yes, it is," he replied back. I rested my head on his shoulder as he pulled me closer to him.

"I want you to know that saying goodbye to you again tomorrow is probably going to be one of the hardest things that I ever do."

"Then let's not think about that right now," he said. "Tomorrow is a new day. But you and me right now, right here in this moment is something that will out weigh that goodbye tomorrow."

As the song finished up, the guys began to make their way back up to the table. Another country line dance song came on and Brantli and I had decided to join in. It was more fast paced steps and twirling and spinning: it was not a good combination with alcohol. I could feel my stomach start to churn.

"Hi ladies," we heard a gentlemen's voice say as he came up behind us.

"Hi," Brantli replied back, giving him a huge, flirtatious smile.

"Wanna dance?" he asked her.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure,"

But their dancing didn't last long especially after the stranger began getting a little too close and grabbing onto her ass. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Opie stand up and rush down to the dance floor.

"What are you doing with her?" he asked him.

"Dancing. Why? You gotta ask her if you want to," he replied back.

"I don't have to ask her to do anything. She's my girlfriend."

"Then why ain't your punk ass over here dancing with her? Letting a pretty thing like this hangout all by herself. It's a sad shame. Maybe you're just not man enough to spend time with her,"

Woah. Bad move, dude.

"What did you just say to me?"

"You heard me. I'm not afraid of you you tatted bearded fuck,"

"You picked the wrong guy's girl to dance with," Opie said as he knocked the guy onto the ground. Pretty soon, Jax had joined in and soon being escorted out of the place. I was so embarrassed.

"You're just gonna dance with another guy?!" Opie began. "Huh, Brantli? Is that what you think of me?!"

"Well you weren't dancing with me so what else was I supposed to do?!" she exclaimed.

He began to ball his fists up as he punched the side of her Taurus. "I can't take this with you anymore! You're here, you're there. You wanna be together with me one minute and then you're flirting the next!"

"So?! It's not like I was going to make out with the guy."

"It doesn't matter! You just let another guy put his hands all over you."

"It's not like you do it anymore!" she yelled. "We haven't had sex in weeks!"

"So what?! I've been busy!"

"That's your excuse for everything. Busy is not an excuse, Opie! I'm so sick and tired of the way that you treat me."

"Someone grab the popcorn," Jax whispered to me.

"Then why do you stay with me?!" she yelled as we all got into the car. "Why do you continue to stay with me then if I make you so unhappy?"

"I don't know, Brantli," he replied. "I'm just going to walk home."

"Are you nuts? It's an hour and a half walk back and you're drunk. I couldn't let you do that," she said, breathing deeply. "We'll talk about this more tomorrow."

But I knew Opie didn't hear her, because he was asleep as soon as we put the car in drive.

"Told you it was bad," she said to me.

"It'll get better," I promised.

"At least someone believes so," she replied. "I had fun tonight."

"So did I!" I replied.

"What time does your plane leave tomorrow?" she asked, as we hopped on the highway.

"Four. So we have to at least leave here by 10:30/11."

"You wanna go to T's for breakfast? One last hoorah?"

I smiled. "Hangover breakfast sounds wonderful," I laughed.

* * *

And it was. Hangover breakfast at T's was probably one of my favorite rituals that we participated in. We had to make sure that we ordered food with enough grease to soak up all of the alcohol that we consumed last night. From the looks of it, Jax and Opie needed more than just bacon and loaded hash browns though.

"You guys look like hell," Loretta commented as she filled up our coffee mugs.

"I feel like hell," Jax told her.

I don't think it was just because of the drinking, either. I think it was because reality was finally telling Jax that I was leaving again and he would have to say goodbye all over. When Brantli, Opie, and Jax parked in the garage, I knew what had to happen next. These goodbyes were a ton more painful than the last. Especially Jax's last words to me: "take care of yourself. I'll be counting down the days until I can hold you in my arms again." As the elevator doors closed in front of my face, I could hear Jax's voice. "I can't believe I let her go again."

I had made it up to the second floor and checked in my suitcase and my carry on luggage, went through security, and made it to the boarding area. I had just missed my boarding area by a couple of seconds, but she led me into the plane without a problem. As I sat down on the seat and looked out of the window to Los Angeles thriving around me, I seriously had to ask myself this question: what the hell was I doing on the plane? Did I want to miss another couple of months here and watch everyone grow up more before my eyes? Did I want to end up fighting in the middle of the bar parking lot? Did I want to end up seeing my relationship fall apart before my eyes? Did I really and truly want to leave yet again?!

Of course not.

"Excuse me," I told the flight attendant as I stood up.

"Yes honey?" she replied back. "Is everything okay?"

"No, everything is fine. I just don't think I belong on this flight."

* * *

Brantli and the guys were long gone by the time I had gathered my things and made it out in front of LAX. The plan had worked. My brother was pretty clever after all. I knocked a couple of times, hoping that Jax was the one that answered. When he saw me, his expression was priceless. I was standing here, in the pouring rain coming back into his life once again.

"I got off of the plane," I said, giving him a look of passion and desire.

"You got off of the plane?" he asked, coming outside to greet me on the porch. We were soaked.

I laughed. "I got off of the plane," I repeated to him. As we embraced in a kiss, I knew it was the right choice. The choice that my heart had needed me to do all along.


	25. Chapter 25

**_August, 1995_**

_Aurora and Harley,_

_So where do we go from here? I can't just leave you guys with "I got off of the plane!" Because that would be extremely rude not only as a writer, but as your mother. _

_I guess the easiest place to go next is senior year, which started for us in August of 1995. I know you're probably thinking well what the fuck mom? What happened during junior year? What happened when you returned home to Charming? What happened to your mom, to Brantli, to Jax, to Opie? _

_Well, I guess we can start with the obvious. Grandma decided to stay in Arizona and become a sponsor to people that were going through addiction, much like she was. Her health wasn't improving by much on the inside, but she wanted to be able to give back to the people that had given her life. Jeremy had called me in November of last year to tell me that she had gotten cancer. It was still in its first stage, so she would be starting chemo in a couple of weeks. It was so hard for me to be here while she was there, but she was so embarrassed. She was losing all of her hair and becoming weaker and she didn't want her kids to see her like that. _

_Opie and Brantli split up, then found their way back to each other at our end of the year party this past summer. They just couldn't stay away. They had begun to work out the communication between them to make sure that there were no more fights and we didn't get thrown out of clubs and wind up fighting in the parking lot or in the middle of a department store or a restaurant. _

_Gemma and Clay were now dating full time. He had moved into their house and took his position as President of the Sons of Anarchy with great pride. _

_Jax and Opie were now Prospects of the club, meaning that they could go on meets and such full time which was a lot more than they were doing when they were hang-arounds. Jax and I? We were doing amazing. We had been going strong for two years almost with the hopes of getting married lingering around every corner. _

_College, too. College was another huge decision that we all had to come to within the next couple of months. I wasn't too worried. I had applied to a bunch of schools here in California and Arizona State as well. Jax had applied to Arizona, too even though I knew that boy would never leave this place. Brantli was headstrong on going to either Berkley or Juilliard and Opie was probably going to follow her no matter where she went. That's how we worked as a couple. We were all great together, it's just something that had come naturally to us for the past couple of years. But let's face it, we had grown up a lot since we were sixteen. _

* * *

"You finish all of your school supply shopping?" Alyssa had asked me over coffee one morning. It was the last day of summer vacation and I couldn't believe that it was soon coming to an end. It had been a great summer, to say the least. I began interning at the local newspaper as a receptionist to get my foot in the door in case I decided to go to college close by. Days were spent working while we spent nights partying or watching movies in Jax's living room. Most nights were lonely without the guys, but those were the nights that Brantli and I could have our gossip fest and not worry about if we wore makeup or a bra.

"Yeah, for the most part," I replied. Now that my brother wore the Sgt. At Arms patch with pride, he had been out a lot more than usual. He was Clay's left hand guy, with Tigs at his right. A family and kids were a ton of work and I didn't know how Alyssa and him did it. Juggling two kids and a house, paying bills, grocery shopping, cleaning: I had taken on a lot of responsibility when I moved in and a seven year old and a five year old weren't the most ideal roommates. I loved my niece and nephew to pieces though and sometimes, Abby clung onto me more than she did her own mother.

"You nervous for tomorrow?"

"No, not at all. I'm excited, actually," I told her. Alyssa had been a great mentor, too. She sat up with me all last spring as I studied for my ACT's and coached me through the entire college application process.

"God it feels like just yesterday you were going into high school. Now you're a senior! I can't get over it," she beamed.

"I had to grow up sometime," I laughed.

"What're you guys all doing tonight?" she asked me.

"I guess there's a cookout at Gemma's and then I think we're going to a party at the beach."

"Your first senior party! Gosh, I remember mine. I got so wasted I think I was still drunk when I walked into school the next morning. It made the first day even more bearable," she chuckled.

"Unlike you though I actually like school," I replied.

"I liked school up until senior year!" she told me. "In all seriousness though make the most out of it. You only get one senior year. You only get one chance to make it just right."

I continued to twirl my brunette hair on my pointer finger. "That's what everyone keeps telling me. But to me, it's just another school year,"

"You'll see. You might not believe me now, but you will in nine months. Take it from someone that's been there, Aubs. It's exciting. You have to absorb it all before reality sets in."

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged. I was excited, sure. But I just didn't get the hoopla about senior year. It was just another school year. It wasn't anything special.

"The tassel is worth the hassle, baby girl. Just stay focused. You'll do just fine."

After coffee, breakfast, and a long game of princesses with my niece, I had decided to get ready for the day. Gemma had requested that we all be at the house no later than three and as the hour crept closer, I needed to put some pep in my step. The air was still muggy, so I dressed in a pair of ripped denim shorts, an olive green tshirt, and a pair of gladiator sandals. I curled my hair and applied a small amount of makeup to my face. I was going to sweat it off anyway, so there was no sense in making a huge fuss about it. Brantli had decided to just park her car and go to the cookout with us. She had changed a lot appearance wise in the past couple of years. Her short bleach blonde hair had grown well past the bottom of her back and her pale complexion was a lot tanner. Her Monroe piercing was long gone, but she still kept her silver hoop in her nose. Her outfit for the day was a pair of white shorts and a tight black tshirt with a white bandana tied up in her hair. Her infamous red lipstick was applied heavily on her lips and her eyeliner was winged.

"Hey girl hey," she told me, as she made my way into my room.

"Hey, I'm almost done," I told her.

"No rush. Alyssa told me you guys would probably get there a little later cause she still has to get the kids ready," she took a set at the head of my bed. She had a weird look on her face, too like she was holding something in.

"Oh god what's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she smiled at me.

"Brantli Rae."

"I got a letter today," she told me. "But I'm scared to open it. I was wondering if you would do it with me,"

"Of course! Where is it from?"

"Juilliard," she smiled, and placed the letter on my bed.

"Oh my god, come on! Open it!" I told her. She had been waiting for the letter for the better part of four months now. She had submitted them a tape of her in Grease and West Side Story from the school plays.

"Calm down," she told me.

"Brantli come on!" I said, as she began tearing into the envelope.

"I can't read it," she told me. "You look."

As she handed the letter to me, I began to skim it. "Dear. Ms. Atkins, on behalf of our admissions staff, it is with our great pleasure that we invite you to attend our December 30th audition day here at the Juilliard School of Performing Arts as a music theatre major."

"No fucking way," she said under her breath. She stood up on my bed instantly. "No fucking way!" she screamed.

"There's kids in here!" I laughed.

"So?! Aubrey! I got an audition!" she said, as she began jumping up and down on my bed. I soon joined her. "I got an audition!"

"You got an audition!" I yelled back. "I'm so proud of you!"

"I'm going to New York!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "I'm going to New York to audition for my dream school!"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Alyssa asked, storming into my room with a hairbrush in her hands.

"Brantli got an audition with Juilliard!"

"Oh my gosh! That's amazing! Congratulations! When is it?!"

"December 30th!" she yelled.

"Looks like you can knock something off of your bucket list at the same time, Aubs" Alyssa replied.

The date hadn't really clicked in my head until she said that. "Oh my gosh."

"What?"

"Do you remember our first New Years Eve together?" I asked, still standing on my bed.

"Of course," she laughed.

"We're going to be in New York for New Years Eve this year!"

So, yeah. I guess senior year was off to a pretty good start.

* * *

The Teller's house was packed, per usual by the time we finally made it over. Their backyard was packed with members of the club and the strong scent of hamburgers lingered in the air.

"Daddy!" Abby yelled as soon as we made our way through the gate.

"Abby stop running! The ground is still wet from the rain, you're going to fall and hurt yourself!" Alyssa yelled. The backyard was decorated in a luau theme: tiki torches lined the place and most people were wearing flower leis around their necks.

"Hi sweetie," Gemma greeted Alyssa, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hey Gems."

"Hi girls," she replied to us with the same warm greeting. "Come in, eat. There's plenty of food,"

And there truly was. In addition to the hamburgers on the grill, there were different side dishes and an array of desserts. As we made our rounds with greetings, Opie and Jax soon appeared outside. I still would never get used to seeing them with their kuttes on.

"Hi baby," I told Jax, as he gave me a kiss.

"You look happy," he told me.

"I am," I said, scooping potato salad onto my plate. "I can make you a plate if you want."

"I've got it," he laughed. "You excited for the party later?"

"Sure," I told him. "Even though I don't know Katie all that well. It was still nice of her to invite us."

"What're you all smiley for?" he asked again.

"I don't know. I'm just in a good mood," I replied. "Am I allowed to be?"

"Yeah. I love seeing you like this," he told me, as he grabbed onto my waist. We soon joined everyone else at the picnic table in the middle of the yard.

"So, does anyone have any good news before we eat? Anyone wanna say something?" Tigs asked. It was a ritual of ours to start the dinner with something good.

"The kids start their senior year tomorrow," Clay reminded everyone.

"Yeah! That's exciting. I'm real proud of you guys that you've made it this far," Piney replied.

"We haven't graduated yet pops," Opie reminded him.

"Might as well have," Piney said.

"Anyone have any advice?" I asked.

"Go to anything that you can. Class. Prom. A football game."

"I hope you're just meaning the girls," Jax chuckled.

"Of course, why would Jackson Teller go to anything school related?" Bobby asked.

"Funny," he replied.

"Brantli's got some good news!" I yelled, as she kicked my leg under the table.

"Thanks a lot, tattle tale," she said, taking a long sip of her soda. "I got an audition for Juilliard."

"That's wonderful!"

"I'm really proud of you!"

"Thanks everyone," she smiled sweetly.

"Anyone else?"

"Yeah," Clay said, as he stood up and held onto his beer bottle. "While I'm so proud of you guys for becoming seniors and your audition to Juilliard, Brantli there's something else that Gemma and I need to share," he cleared his throat. "I asked Gemma to marry me and she said yes."

* * *

I knew after that news that Jax would not be in the greatest mood. But, he actually was. I guess Clay and him had had a long talk about it and he was fine with the whole situation.

"I mean, what can I do, right?"

As we headed out to the beach that night, we began pounding shots and dancing left and right. There were no fights, no drama, and only good vibes in the air.

"God I can't believe we go back to school tomorrow," Brantli said, taking a sip of her sangria. "Where did this summer go?"

"Where did the last four years go?" Opie asked.

"Whatever happens this year, I just want you guys to know that I am so happy I have you guys to endure this year with. Let's make it better than all the rest," I said. Because it was true. We only had each other. And we could only go up from here.

As we walked into school for our last first day ever, it became apparent to me why everyone said to make it the best year. Though we might all be taking different paths in our lives after the year is over, we had nine long months to make memories that would last a lifetime. We grabbed hands on the steps and took a deep breath as we walked through the front doors.

"Good morning!" I heard some of the staff tell us. "Welcome to your first day of senior year!"

As we looked at each other all we could do was smile. It was the four of us, facing this new adventure together. I wouldn't have chosen to walk into school or share this moment with anyone else. I didn't know what the year had in store for us, but that's okay. That's life. You don't know until you face it, right?

Senior year. Let's go out with a bang, Charming High.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay and shortness of the chapter but I honestly had no idea where to take this. I know a lot of things that are going to happen later, but I try not to be repetitive. There are some really major things that I have lined up, too. I never thought I would make it this far because I give up halfway through a lot. You guys keep me going. What are some things that you want to see happen during their senior year? I don't remember mine to much; I'll be out of school for two years as of this May. If you want to see something, PM me! I'm always open to suggestions. Love you all. (Stay tuned. This might not be the only chapter I post tonight now that I'm done with my homework!) Xoxo**


	26. Chapter 26

Senior meetings, I could tell were going to suck already. Svecky was our homeroom teacher yet again, so now Brantli got to endure the torture too. He had instructed us that we needed to go to our first senior meeting and it was not optional.

As we filled the auditorium seats up, we sat with pride. I couldn't help but take a glance around the room. We had started our freshman year with close to fifty people in our graduating class. Now, there were only about thirty.

"Good morning, class of 1996!" our principal, Ms. Thompkins shouted into the microphone. As the cheers and chants happened around us, I was absorbed in it. "It's so nice to see all of your smiling faces here this morning. This year is the most important of your high school lives, so I want you all to be aware that on Mondays, we will have a senior meeting. Now, your schedules have already been made and most of you will notice that you have a senior seminar class. What that is is career development for yourselves and will teach you things like typing, interviewing, and constructing a resumé. You will have to complete 40 hours of community service as well to graduate from Charming High in addition to all of your classes. If you have any questions on where to volunteer and spend your time please ask your corresponding senior seminar teachers. Hours must be completed before Christmas. And no, Opie Winston helping your elderly neighbor cross the street does not count towards community service," the whole class burst out into laughter. "We will be passing around your senior schedules. You will notice on there dates when things will be happening. Your senior dues must be paid in full three months prior to graduation in order for us to book and pay for the prom site. Prom will be happening on May 18th and graduation will take place on Sunday, June 2nd. The theme and site for prom is yet to be determined. If you are interested in being a part of the prom committee, please see student council president Katie Lang."

As she continued to lecture on about upcoming events, Jax looked at me. "Hey, I made us dinner reservations for tonight."

"Why?" I asked him. That was definitely coming out of the blue.

"Because, you're my girlfriend and I feel like taking you out to dinner. I'm sick of fast food. I thought we could go somewhere nice."

"Our anniversary is tonight too. So I'm glad you remembered," I joked.

"Well, you know babe. Anything for you," he started. "I'm thinking about skipping class after this,"

"No way. You need to go to senior seminar at least. You need to get those 40 hours completed."

"Clay and the guys are heading up to Stockton though and Opie and I have to go with."

"School is way more important."

"School is not my future though."

"Jackson."

"Aubrey."

"Mr. Teller and Ms. Daniels. See me in my office after the meeting, please. I won't tolerate the talking during an assembly."

"Thanks a lot," I whispered back to him.

He smiled. "I'm sorry,"

* * *

After the assembly, Jax and I followed in pursuit to the principals office. She had me go first.

"Aubrey, let me make myself clear," she started. "I know you and Jax are an item or whatever, but you are not allowed to talk during an assembly. Is this really how you want to start off your last year in high school? Sitting in my office?"

"No," I told her.

"You are way above the required credits to graduate, which makes me very proud of you. You're on honor roll and will probably graduate within the top ten of your class. What makes you want to hangout with Jax?"

"He's my boyfriend. I love him," I told her. Why the hell was any of this your business?

"You know, he probably won't even graduate."

"Why do you say that?"

"Probably won't get into college."

"Again, not true," I told her. I had been up working with him nights end on his college essays.

"Have you seen his grades?"

"I'm aware."

"The only class that he has gotten a decent grade in was shop."

"So what? So what? He's grown up around cars and bikes his entire life. Just because he doesn't excel in other things doesn't mean that he won't graduate or get into college,"

"He's one credit short of being a senior, Aubrey."

"Made it up in summer school."

"He got a C."

"Still passing, according to State of California law," I told her. "Look, Jax Teller may not be a rocket scientist. That doesn't mean that he isn't going to go to college and become something great."

"He's a loser, Aubrey," she said. "You're a smart girl. You're a cheerleader. You're on student council, you write for the paper. Jax Teller sits in the back of the class and just wishes he could do all of those things."

"He could if he wanted to. He could if that was something he was passionate about. He hates school."

"Why would you want to be with someone like that?"

It took every ounce of fiber in my body to not leap over her desk and punch the shit out of her. "He is not a loser!"

"Why would your parents let you date someone like that?"

"For your information, bitch. My parents are not together. My father re-married some bimbo and had a kid with her and my mother is in Arizona dying of cancer. They love Jax. You are in no place to tell me who I can and cannot date in my life. Maybe, if you got to know Jax you would come to like him just like everyone else does,"

"You had no right to call me that. I should give you a detention."

"Give me fifty. I don't care. There will never be a day that goes by that I don't defend my boyfriend as I should."

"Oh I can tell this is going to be a fun year, Ms. Daniels. Send your boy toy in on your way out."

* * *

I was so relieved when school was finally over that day. Cheer practice was pushed back to tomorrow because our coach was still on vacation. You don't think I was the only one that became a cheerleader, right? In addition to the school plays and also being on yearbook committee, Brantli took the plunge with me. The guys had dared us to try out in the beginning of our junior year when they tried out for football. They didn't make it, but we did. I loved cheering, actually. It was something that Brantli and I did together and the "I'm flexible" bit worked pretty well when you were in bed with Jax.

The only thing that I wanted to do when I got back to the Teller's house was take a nap. I forgot how tiring school actually was. When we walked in, Gemma was going insane. It was like a tornado had ripped through the house.

"Hey ma," Jax said as we made our way into the living room.

"Hey everyone. Oh thank god you girls are here. We thought you would be at practice."

"Cancelled," Brantli replied, as she sat her gym bag on the ground. "What's up mamma Gemma?"

"I need some help with this wedding shit. I forgot how much work this was," there were books strewn throughout the living room floor full of colors, reception places, cake designs...it was really overwhelming.

Jax kissed me on the cheek. "I'm gonna go to TM for a little bit. Clay's got us on the afternoon shift. Don't forget, eight o'clock,"

"You want me to meet you at TM?"

"No, I'll just pick you up at Braison's."

"Okay," I said, giving him one more kiss. "Be safe, I love you."

"Love you too, Daniels."

When the guys left, Gemma just put her head in her hands.

"Did you guys set a date yet?" Brantli asked, leaning against the couch.

"December 10th," she smiled.

"Gemma! That's like, four months away!"

"I know, I know. That's why I'm freaking out."

"Have you guys decided on anything yet?"

"No, not yet. But I do have this for you guys. If you just wanna look through the books for some insight to help me, that would be great. I'll be right back,"

As Gemma made her way out of the room, Brantli turned to me. "So, how many detentions did you get?"

"None," I laughed. "Just a long, lecture from principal Thompkins."

"Ew. I would have much rather taken the detention," she laughed.

"Oh I know, right? I hate looking through this shit. It makes me so excited for my own wedding."

"You have wedding fever," Brantli told me.

"I do and it's bad. I want to help Gemma, but at the same time I could see colors that look amazing for mine and Jax's wedding,"

"Why don't they just do something simple? Like at the clubhouse. I'm sure no one would mind."

"Have you met Gemma? She would freak out. Gemma is the queen old lady. Her wedding has to be the most beautiful, elaborate ocassion," I reminded her.

"Yeah, but weddings cost a lot of money and take a lot of time."

"And she obviously needs our help so we have to be here for her. I'm sure she would do the same thing if either one of us."

As Gemma re-appeared back in the living room, she handed us two small boxes. Inside each box sat a white gold necklace with a small black crow.

"Gem," Brantli started. "What's this for?"

"You think I'm going to get married without my girls by my side? I want to do it right this time. Brantli, will you be a bridesmaid?" she asked her.

"Yes," she replied, with a huge smile across her face.

I was waiting for mine. Patiently waiting. "I only had LuAnn last time and she was my maid of honor. But, she felt like the title should go to someone else this time. So, Aubrey. What do you say? Will you be my maid of honor?"

I looked at her, with the sweetest smile on my face. "Gem, are you sure?"

"You're going to be my daughter in law soon. And as a fellow old lady, I want you to be my right hand girl on this,"

"Of course," I said, reaching over to give her a hug.

"Great. Well, now that's taken care of...did you guys like any of the colors?"

As we continued to talk about weddings, I was beaming ear to ear. Gemma Teller, queen old lady just asked me to be her maid of honor. I felt like SAMCRO royalty or something.

* * *

When my anniversary date came about with Jax that same night, I was ready. It had been so long since we spent some alone time together, it felt good to just be in each other's presence for once. He had gotten us reservations to this cute little Mexican restaurant on the other side of town. The margaritas were as big as my head and the chips and guacamole were endless. They were great fillers while waiting for our food to come.

"I can't believe we've been dating for almost two years now," he told me.

"God, I know right? It's felt like so much longer though."

"How long has it been since we've been out on a date together?"

"Without the other two?" I asked, taking a bit of one of the tortilla chips. "Never."

"You're such a liar," he laughed. "We have been on a date without them."

"Drinking beers at the clubhouse do not count," I reminded him.

"That's romantic!"

"No it's not!" I told him. "Nothing about that is romantic."

"Hey, I try," he said. "So what's new?"

"Really?" I asked, giving him a death stare.

"What?"

"Are you trying to get something out of me?"

"No, babe. I just want to catch up with you."

"You're with me every day. If anything new happened, I would let you know."

"Hey I'm just asking."

"Your mom asked me to be her maid of honor,"

"I knew it," he smiled. "What did you say?"

I rolled my eyes. "I told her no," I said sarcastically.

"How'd she take it?"

"Jax obviously I said yes," I laughed.

"I'm just messing with you."

"I think that margarita is going to your head," I replied.

"She make you look through the wedding books yet?"

"Oh yeah. We spent all afternoon doing that. It made me miss cheer practice. Are you coming to the game on Friday?"

"Oh of course. I'm just beaming with school spirit."

"You know you like to watch me cheer," I reminded him. "Come on. I get to wear that skimpy outfit and jump around," I said, teasing.

"You're gonna make me horny in the restaurant."

"You're sick," I told him.

"Nope, just in love," he looked at me. "You wish it was our wedding that you were planning, don't you?"

"A little bit," I said, taking a long sip of the margarita. "I keep envisioning our wedding. Walking down the aisle to you. The colors, the cake. The way the sky looks falling over us. Our vows. I've written them in my head about a hundred times."

"You jealous my moms getting married before us?"

"God no. I'm so happy for her, Jax. We all deserve to be happy. I haven't seen your mom this happy in a long time. Really, truly happy. She's an amazing woman."

"I think about our wedding too sometimes," he started. "I think about the way I would look into your eyes for the first time as husband and wife. The dress that you would be wearing. I think about it all."

"It sucks," I said, as the waiter began placing our enchiladas in front of us. We thanked him, and he made his way back into the kitchen. "It sucks because I know it's going to happen and I'm going to be just as confused as Gemma when it comes to looking through everything."

"Have you heard anything from Berkley yet?" he asked.

"It's only August," I replied. "So, I don't know. We'll see. Acceptance letters don't start coming out until October at least."

"What about Stanford?"

"Same thing," I told him. "What about you? Heard anything?"

"Yeah. Thompkins told me if I act up anymore this year she would write a shitty recommendation letter to the schools for me."

"She can't do that!"

"She's the boss. She can do whatever she wants. I don't know. I don't see myself going to school for much longer."

"You're not dropping out," I told him. "You've made it this far. It would be really stupid of you to drop out now."

"I hate it there."

"Just do what you need to do. Alyssa told me yesterday that the tassel is worth the hassle. Jax, you've busted your ass for a long time to make it to your last year of high school. You don't want to be one of the people that chickens out and doesn't make it to graduation."

"You're right," he told me. "I've got something else to tell you,"

"What?" I asked him. God I should've asked what was new with him. He obviously has a lot going on.

"No, never mind. Forget it."

"Jackson Nathaniel," I replied.

"It's not quite the time to tell you."

"Just say it," I replied. "I'm not going to get mad or upset or anything."

"Thompkins told me today that I should maybe consider taking my ASVAB,"

"You mean for like the military?"

"I am an Army brat."

"Jax," I said. "The way this country is going...come on that's dangerous,"

"Depends on the MOS you choose."

"You've done research?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Not extensively, but yeah. Enough."

"Jax, that's a lot to think about."

"I'm not going to do it. I'm just saying."

"Please don't," I told him. "I mean it's noble, sure but come on. You would have to leave Charming."

"Wouldn't I to go to college?"

"Yeah but not in a different country!"

"I'm not going to do it, Aubrey. I was just making a suggestion. Can we just drop it, please?"

"Yeah, of course," I said, shrugging it off. It was just an idea, right? I mean he really can't be considering the military...

"They're thinking about patching OP and I in soon."

"That's good," I told him, finishing up the last bites of my enchilada. "So, what else do you have planned for us for tonight?"

"Nothing too special," he said.

"Please. I'm talking to the man that put a scavenger hunt together that led us to the castle at Disneyland."

He laughed. "I'm serious. I'm tired from school. You're tired from school. We could go back to the house and make each other even more tired."

"Whys it always gotta be about sex with you?" I asked, kicking his leg.

"Because I know you like it."

"Okay," I said sarcastically. I mean, yeah I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. But that's how we spent a lot of our alone time.

"You ready to go back?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. I mean, my mood was already ruined. I hated talking about this future shit because Jax was so indecisive. And that scared the shit out of me.

* * *

Back at the house, it was really quiet. Jax and I had began making out at the entryway, but he stopped it when we entered into his room. All of the lights were off, and he instructed me to close my eyes. I placed both of my hands over them, and as I opened them, I could smell lilac and roses in the air immediately.

"You can open them," he told me. His entire room was lined with candles and a smile pile of rose petals sat in the middle of his bedspread.

"Jax," I told him.

"What? It's just a movie night,"

"What're we watching?" I asked him, smiling.

"A classic," he replied, as we made our way over to the bed. He pulled out a sampler box of chocolate, which I knew was going to happen. As he turned on the television and the opening credits to the movie began, I knew right away what we were watching.

"Pure Country," I said, turning to him, smiling.

"We watched it exactly three years ago today. On our first night of freshman year. It only felt fitting to watch it on our first night of senior year."

"God, I love you. Do you know that? You remember everything. You know how to make everything seem like it's going to be okay."

"That's because it is. For once in your life, Aubrey everything is going to be okay,"

As I changed out of my sundress and into an oversized SAMCRO tshirt, he smiled.

"If it wasn't for this movie we wouldn't be together," he said. "I never would have gotten the courage to kiss you."

"How long had you wanted to kiss me for?"

"Since we were seven," he laughed.

"You know, every time I hear this song now, I think about what happened. How we almost kissed on your couch downstairs. How we danced at the gazebo. How I wrote it to you in your goodbye letter."

"You know what else it would be great for?"

"What's that?"

"Our first dance, as husband and wife."

"That's very true," I replied.

"I can't wait until you become Mrs. Teller," he said, as he kissed my lips.

"God, I love the sound of that," I laughed.

"I love you," he said.

"And I love you too, Jax."

It's funny, the way you think things are going to work out. Because in that moment, I could have sworn Jax was going to propose to me. But, he didn't. And that's okay. I knew it was coming soon. And I knew he wasn't going to make a huge deal out of it. But when he did finally get the courage too, I knew it was going to be way more special than watching this movie on his bed. So, I would have to wait. And be patient. I knew my wedding fever wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

* * *

**A/N: See! Told you guys I would post another chapter. I also changed the title of the story because of the direction that I am now taking it in with the ending. Also, if you haven't checked out my profile, I've added a playlist on there of songs that inspired the book. Some have appeared, and some haven't (yet!) Keep on reading. Tomorrow is my three hour break day between classes too. I'll try to get another chapter up then! Xoxo!**


	27. Chapter 27

_Aurora and Harley,_

_Whenever Jax Teller dares you to do something and you stick with it, you will fall in love with it. With that all being said, I don't think it's really hit me yet that it's the last football game that I will ever cheer at yet._

December sent a cold wind our way in our beloved town. While the excitement of the wedding still lurked around the corner, it left a lot of us with a ton of questions.

My duties as maid of honor were grueling and if you mixed that in with school, working, and extracurricular activities, it made for one stressed out Aubrey Daniels.

While August, September, October, and November were good to us, we were only hoping that this month would be as well. And how could it not be? Our year was finally coming upon us and we had so much to look forward to.

The first Friday in December was unlike any other that we had experienced. We were going for an undefeated football season, and it would be our first in about eighteen years. While I was excited for today, it was a bittersweet feeling walking into the gymnasium at 6am that morning.

"Girls, if you would all gather around please," our cheer coach, Becky Miles asked us. Most of us were still half asleep, but we joined in a huddle on the ground following her commands. "I just want to start the morning off by saying how proud I am of all of you. I know for some this is your first year. For others, you are veterans and have stuck by for the past four years. For that, I am truly grateful. There is a pep rally scheduled for the middle of the school day and following that will be our 7pm home game tonight against the Santa Monica Eagles. They're a good team and we are going to need clear minds and lots of smiling for our boys tonight," she started. "Another great thing I wanted to point out was that our dance squad has been chosen to compete in nationals in a few weeks in New York," she smiled softly at us. "For that, you should be really proud. I will discuss transpiration and hotel costs within the next couple of days and also be sending a letter home to your parents or guardians. We have a new routine that we are working on as well, so I think you guys will really enjoy it,"

"When is nationals?" one of the sophomores asked among the commotion and talks of New York.

"It's on December 30th."

Well that's good, because we'll be in New York already. Wait a minute. We'll already be in New York. For Brantli's audition. On the same day.

"Do you know what time we're performing yet?"

"It's hard to tell, but I will have the final schedule as well in a couple of weeks. I strongly urge all of you to participate. This is the first time our school has been in the rubbings and its a huge deal for us,"

"Brantli," I whispered to her.

"What?"

"What're you going to do?"

"I don't know yet," she said through her clenched teeth. "Does it normally happen later in the afternoon or morning?"

"Normally, afternoon is when most schools out of the state perform. Why? Do you have a prior commitment?"

"No," she said. "I was just wondering."

"Excellent. So, I can trust that you will be there, right Brantli? You did help choreograph the dance. It's only fitting that you come,"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

After school that day, we all piled in my Jeep to return back to the other side of town. What the hell was Brantli going to do? I knew she couldn't miss Juilliard but I know that she would hold true to her commitment to be at nationals.

"Heard about nationals," Jax said, as he leaned back to look at Brantli. "That's amazing."

"Kind of," she chuckled. "I guess my dances were good enough."

"They're amazing, babe," Opie replied, taking a long drag off of his cigarette. "Kind of weird that it's the same day as your audition."

"I can do both?" she said, her statement sounding more like a question.

"Not with New York traffic."

"Who knows?" she asked. "Maybe I should just go to Berkley, like Aubrey."

"I didn't get in yet," I reminded her. So far, the only places that I managed to get into were USC, Arizona State, NYU, and San Joaquin County Community College. I guess my 28 ACT score wasn't enough to get me into my dream school...

"You will though," she smiled at me.

"How do you know that?"

"Because, Alyssa said there's something waiting at home for you. She called me during lunch."

"Brantli," I smiled.

"What? I can't keep surprises from you. Just like Jax..."

"Okay, okay. That's enough."

"Jax what?"

"Nothing, baby. Just drop it."

"You guys are coming tonight, right?"

"We've done our due-dilligance. We've been to four games this year."

"Come on guys. It's our last game of the season," I begged as we stopped at a red light. "Pleassseeeeeeeeeeee Jax!" I begged.

"Aubrey,"

"Come on," Brantli told him. "It'll be fun."

"We can go to T's after. Our treat."

"I like free food," Opie smiled.

"Yeah of course you do," I said, rolling my eyes.

* * *

"I want to be the first one to read it!" Brantli yelled, as we made our way inside Braison's house. We threw our bags down on the floor and bolted for the kitchen.

"Dear Ms. Daniels," Brantli started, as she stood in my room with her hand on her hip. "Congratulations. On behalf of our admissions staff, you have been invited to become a full time student at Berkley College for the fall of 1996."

"Oh my god," I replied, grabbing the letter out of her hands. "I got in?!"

"You got in!" she said, grabbing my hands in hers. "Colton would be so proud of you, Aubs. Hell I'm proud of you."

"Thank you," I told her. "I have to call my mom," I said, getting up and grabbing the house phone off of it's receiver.

"You also have to get ready. Last game, baby girl. Let's make it a good one."

* * *

Friday night football under the lights is something that everyone should be a part of in high school. There's a rush in the air of the old fall days and the stands really come to life. Everyone was decked out in their best warrior gear. Brantli, myself, and the rest of our squad stood on the track field, dressed to the nines in our uniforms. It consisted of a small, white skirt with a maroon line at the hem, a long-sleeved spandex shirt with the emblem of a Native American man in a headress on the middle of the shirt. Our colors were red and white, so we did our makeup accordingly, teased our hair, and finished it off with an oversized bow.

"1, 2, 3, 4. Who you gonna yell for? Warriors! Warriors! Charming High Warriors!" It was silly, and I had thought to myself about how silly it actually was a couple of times. But I didn't care. Once you felt the lights of the stadium hit down on you and your pom-poms were in the air, all the feeling of being silly went away.

No one had ever told me how much I was going to miss this. All of it. The hype surrounding the game, rooting for the home team as we took down our rivals. Our season had continued to go on, undefeated with a huge victory over Santa Monica that evening.

"You look pretty hot in that uniform," Jax said, as he met me after the game. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me deeply.

"Thanks, Teller," I smiled at him.

"I heard you got into Berkley."

"You heard right."

"I am so proud of you, Bre," he said, as he gripped his hand in mine.

"Thanks," I told him. "Did you hear anything yet?"

"Just from community college," he chuckled. "Told ya it wasn't in the cards for me."

"Stop that, Jax. Stop right now."

"What?"

"You're making me feel horrible."

"Maybe you don't have to," he started. "I can come with you."

"Gemma would flip out."

"Who cares?" he asked.

"I do! I don't want your mother hating me."

"Come on. We can get an apartment and I can get a job during the day when you're in school. We can finally get married."

"Where is this coming from all of a sudden?"

"I just wanna get out of here," he said, as we took our seats in my Jeep. "I don't want to end up like my old man or Clay or any of the guys for that matter."

"I thought you loved the club?" I asked him. "All you ever wanted to do when we were younger was hop on a Harley and ride and wear a kutte. Why are you changing your mind all of a sudden?"

"Because. I love you more than the club. And I know it might not seem like it sometimes, but I do. I love you way more than anything that I could take away from them. I do outlaw shit good. But I do loving you a lot better."

* * *

**A/N: Kind of lame, but it was a prelude into the chapters to come. Next is the wedding and after is New York. It's hard to think that they're almost out of high school but I have a ton of stuff planned. Who thinks Jax is actually going to go with her?**


	28. Chapter 28

I was so over planning the wedding by the time the week crept closer. Saturday was their big day and I couldn't be more relieved. Gemma had Brantli and I running all over town like crazy people most days. Others, we heard her complain about something not being right. She should've picked a different color or a different flower. Was there going to be enough food? I was ready for her to walk down the aisle to Clay already and at this point, I didn't care what the hell she looked like or what the venue looked like. I just wanted it to be over.

The day before a wedding is always the most stressful. Gemma opted out of having a shower, because most of the gifts people were going to give were already in their home. She didn't see a point in it. And, I think it just would have been creepy to hand my future mother in law lingerie. I definitely shuttered at that. One thing that Gemma did want was a very intimate rehearsal dinner. It was set to take place at the same place the reception would be held at. Of course, not in the same room though. Gemma Teller didn't want anyone to see the decorations that we had been working on for the last week quite yet. I mean, there were only so many times that people could gush over twinkling lights on painted tree branches.

"Do you want a bachelorette party?" I had asked her on several ocassions.

"We could just do wine back at the house," she told me. "No reason to go through all of the trouble of going to a club."

"We could get a stripper!" Brantli had exclaimed.

"No strippers!"

"Oh come on!"

So, yeah. I had to get a stripper for later. And I knew Jax wasn't going to be too pleased about it. That was, until he told me what Clay and the guys were doing which was going to the strip club. Then, I didn't feel so bad that there was going to be a half naked guy in the Teller's living room.

At the ballroom that evening, it was nothing but chaos. Although it was simply a dessert buffet, we had of course brought the uproars of SAMCRO with us. We had ran through the procession of the ceremony tomorrow three times and towards the end both of the kids in the party were restless. I mean, us teenagers were too. We needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be too big of a day.

As we sat at the white porcelain table gnawing away on our homemade cheesecake and brownies, Clay decided to stand up.

"It truly means so much that all of you are here with Gemma and I tonight to kick off our wedding celebration. I wouldn't want anyone else but my family here beside me tonight. I know tomorrow is going to be hectic, so I wanted to see if either of our right hands wanted to make a toast tonight,"

Jax and I looked at each other with worry in our eyes. My speech wasn't prepared. I knew Jax was going to just get up and wing it, so what other options did that leave us with?

"Really?" he laughed, after no one said anything. I felt rude but what was I supposed to say? Just go with the words on the paper that I had left at my brother's? This is not how Gemma and Clay should be toasted. "Well, if no one is going to say something, then I am," he said, looking into Gemma's eyes. He cleared his throat. "Gem, the day I met you, my world stood still. I had always hoped to meet someone like you, but wondered if such a woman even existed. But when we met, you exceeded all of my expectations - you were my perfect fit. It was as if our meeting was written in the stars, arranged by some heavenly being. And the more I got to know you, the more deeply I fell in love. I knew that I wanted to hear your laugh, see your smile and feel your heart beating for the rest of my life. And so today as we join our lives together, I give you both my heart and my hand and want you to know that as we journey through life, we will do so as partners, lovers and best friends. I look around this table and am so blessed with the life that you have molded for me to come into. I know it hasn't been the ideal way to be in a relationship, I do know that I have to just take a step back and thank you. You're an amazing mother and you are truly my soulmate. I love you, Gemma," he raised his rock glass full of whiskey in the air as Gemma let a tear fall down her cheek. "To true love. Might not have been her first love, but she sure is mine. Every time I look in her eyes, I see the woman that I want to be with for the rest of my life. So, to true love, to first loves, and to new beginnings."

As we all raised our glasses to join him, I couldn't help but look over at Jax. He grabbed my hand and kissed it gently.

* * *

When the rehearsal dinner had finally died down that night, LuAnn, Brantli, Gemma, and myself piled in my Jeep to head back to the house. Brantli and I had decorated when Gemma was out doing a final fitting of her dress. It was simple, just balloons and streamers everywhere. We had gotten a couple of bottles of wine and chilled them in the fridge, making sure there was enough to get us through the night. There were engraved wine glasses on the table upon arrival and next to them sat embroidered black satin robes.

"You girls are awesome," LuAnn said, as she took a look around the house.

"Oh, it's nothing major. Just a couple things to make it more like a party."

"Do you ladies care if I get into my pjs?" Gemma asked. "I'm exhausted."

"Uhm," I had to think about that. I didn't know when our male entertainment was getting here, and I knew that she would be pissed if a guy was going to give her a lap dance while she was wearing sweats. "No, not yet."

"What do you have up your sleeve, Aubrey?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to make sure that you looked okay."

"I'm in my house though, I can change into my pajamas if I want to,"

"We all can," Brantli said, reasoning with her. "It'll be a lot more fun if we're comfortable."

After a quick change and opening of the white and red wines, we placed ourselves in the living room. I had never drank with Gemma before, so it was weird. It was rare that she drank, and I knew I had to look out for her tonight. Walking down the aisle with a hangover couldn't be that much fun.

It was dead silent between all of us until LuAnn spoke up. "So, Aubrey. I heard you're going to Berkley."

Isn't there one night where we could just pretend like I wasn't in school? "Yeah," I replied back. I could have sworn I've told her multiple times that I was going there. "Well, maybe. I haven't decided yet."

"What're you going for?"

"Journalism and mass communications," I spoke up. "Brantli's going to Juilliard."

"I heard. That's amazing. You must have been really good. They don't just give auditions out to anyone."

"I mean, you guys saw the plays. I did okay," she laughed.

More awkward silence. Longer sips of wine. Fuller glasses for the next round. Gemma finally decided to turn some music on, making it a lot less awkward. Now we just sat in silence as Bon Jovi played. I had never been happier to hear the door bell rang in my life when it finally did.

"I'll get it!" I yelled.

"Get your singles ready, ladies," LuAnn said.

"They better not have," Gemma smirked.

"Hey, Gems. There's an officer here to see you," I said, as a police officer followed in behind me. He was hot: tall, lean. Dark hair and matching eyes.

"Do you own this house?" he asked, shining a flashlight in her eyes.

"Yes officer. What seems to be the problem?"

"Keep getting noise complaints and word of underage drinking,"

"Oh, those girls aren't minors," she said, lying through her teeth.

"What about you, pretty woman?" he asked her. "I'm going to need you to stand for me, please," the officer instructed. Gemma did as she was told. "You've been a really bad girl. I think I'm going to need to take you downtown...to pound down," as he ripped his pants off, Brantli began laughing louder and louder. He had moved her onto the couch and began performing a lap dance. So, stripper was a bad idea, but hey it made Brantli laugh and Gemma seemed to really enjoy it.

After he finished his routine and left, Gemma smiled at the both of us. "Thank you," she chucked.

"Hey, don't mention it," I replied, giving her a hug.

"I'm gonna head off to sleep. Got a big day tomorrow."

"Night mamma Gemma," Brantli told her.

"Love you girls."

"Love you too," we replied. LuAnn soon followed, and Brantli and I poured another glass of wine.

"You ready for all of this to finally be over?"

"Hell yeah," I told her.

"I'm really happy for them," she replied. "I mean I'm really happy that Gemma found someone else and isn't going to be alone for the rest of her life."

"No one should be," I replied.

"It scares me sometimes to think about it. Being alone, I mean. I'm so happy that we found guys at such a young age,"

"Wedding fever?" I asked her, smiling.

"Maybe," she smiled.

* * *

Jax came stumbling into the bed around 2am. He reeked of stale beer and perfume, but I knew I couldn't be mad. I had graciously accepted a lap dance from Officer Poundtown.

"Aubrey," he slurred, whispering in my ear. "Aubrey."

"Yes Jax?" I asked him, rolling over on my side.

"I'm home,"

"Hi," I told him.

"Hi," he replied back with a huge grin on his face.

"You're drunk," I laughed.

"Just a little,"

"Have fun?" I asked.

"Mhm," he replied, cozying up next to me. "Not as much fun as you would have been,"

"I bet," I laughed.

"You should give me a lap dance. I still have some singles left over."

I nudged him in the arm. "Good night, Teller."

"Night baby," he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.


	29. Chapter 29

The itinerary for the wedding had been set weeks prior. 8am was breakfast, followed by mani-pedis at 11am, then after that we had to try our best to get dressed and take a couple of pictures before 4pm rolled around.

The guys had went off to the mall to pick up their tux's while the girls headed off to the salon. After some much relaxation and a million bobby pins in our hair, we were ready to make our way to the church. Although these men were not religious, I knew that it would mean so much for the wedding to happen here. Clay and Gemma both grew up with a strong religious background and wanted to be a little old fashioned when it came to this stuff.

I had to get ready first because part of my task as maid of honor was making sure that Gemma had help getting into her dress. She had settled on a gorgeous plum color te and gold colors that she picked. The dress was strapless, had a heart neckline, and flowed out just a little at the bottom. She had chosen matte golden heels to wear underneath.

Gemma had picked an elegant white dress for herself. It was short sleeved, with a gorgeous A-line neckline, that touched the ground. It accented every curve on her body. While the sleeves were made of lace, the rest of the dress was completely silk. It was simple, but she pulled it off. For the first time in my life, I think I saw Gemma Teller in something other than black leather.

"Gemma," I gushed, as she slipped the veil onto her neatly curled hair.

"What?" she asked, turning to face me. "Is the veil too much?"

"It's perfect," I told her, giving her a warm smile of re-assurance.

"Aubrey, I want you to know something," she said, grabbing my hands in hers. "Just because I'm marrying Clay today doesn't mean that I still don't love JT,"

"I know that," I told her.

"I know you and him were close when you were younger. Clay's a good guy. He loves you as if you were his own. It means so much to him that you went ahead and helped me plan all of this," she laughed awkwardly. "You know, I told myself that I wouldn't cry,"

"Yeah, but they're happy tears," I reminded her.

"Someday, I'm going to be helping you get into your wedding dress."

"Maybe," I told her. "Let's not focus on that today. Today is all about you and Clay, Gem. The way that it should be. It's your wedding day. Don't worry about all of us. We're fine. We're here to watch you finally be okay."

"Aw, baby," she said, giving me a huge hug.

"I have something for you," I told her, taking a small box out of the bag beside the full-length mirror.

"It's the something new part," I reminded. Inside of the box were a pair of simple pearl earrings that would pull her simple, vintage dress together.

"I have your something blue!" Brantli shouted, as she made her way into the bridal room, trying to hop into her other shoe. "Mamma Gemma, you look gorgeous! Clay isn't going to be able to take his hands off of you," she joked. "My mom gave this to me. I thought it was only fitting that it be passed down from mother to mother. She would be so happy that you've taken me on as a daughter,"

"You are going to make me cry more," she laughed. Brantli handed her a small, silver thumb ring with blue sapphires around it. "You sure you want me to have this?"

"Of course," Brantli said. "You can give it back to me on my wedding day."

"I love you both so much. Thank you for being like my daughters these past four years. I know I can be a bitch sometimes, but it's a lot of hard work raising a teenager," she smiled. "You'll see one day."

LuAnn had soon joined us for a couple of candid Polaroid pictures. As we heard a knock at the door, we knew it was time.

"Are you ready mom?" Jax asked, as he stepped into the room smiling. He looked damn good. A tux was always a good look for Jax Teller.

"Yes, baby. I am."

* * *

As the music started and we got in the order of the procession, Abby led the way. She tossed a couple of petals onto the aisle and said hi to most of the people sitting in the pews. Luann and Otto were next, and following them were Brantli and Opie. I walked with Tig, and Jax soon proceeded with Gemma on his arm. As the congregation stood up, we all watched in awe as our favorite queen made her way down the aisle. The look that Clay had in his eyes was enough to make her heart melt, and I could soon tell by the tears that began to form. Jax gave her away to Clay, and joined him up on the stage.

"You may all be seated," Reverend Pat said. As the congregation took their seats and the music stopped, Jax looked over to me. He mouthed "I love you" and I did it back, almost as if it was second nature. Clay grasped Gemma's hands into his own as she handed me her rose bouquet.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man, Clarence Alexander Morrow and and this woman, Gemma Beth Maddock-Teller in holy matrimony. Clay and Gemma have shared many good years together, and I can only envision the life and love that these two have will continue to hold for one another. I want to start with a reading from Colossians Chapter 3, verse twelve: Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Clay and Gemma have prepared their vows for us. Gemma, you may go first."

"I, Gemma Beth Maddock-Teller, take you, Clarence Alexander Morrow to be my husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live,"

"I, Clarence Alexander Morrow take you Gemma Beth Maddock-Teller to be my wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. And," he started, looking out at the members of SAMCRO "I promise to treat you as good as my leather and ride you as much as my Harley,"

Most of the guys laughed at this remark. It was SAMCRO tradition to say this in your vows. I tried to hold back laughter as much as I could.

"May I have the rings, please?" Paisley handed Jax the silver wedding bands and handed them to Clay.

"Repeat after me please, Gemma" Reverend Pat said. "With this ring."

"With this ring."

"I thee wed."

"I thee wed," she repeated back. Clay did the same, as they both slipped the rings on their fingers.

"It is with my great pleasure, from the state of California and in the presence of God and family that sits before us today to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Clay Morrow. You may now kiss your bride."

As the congregation erupted into cheers, Clay dipped Gemma down and gave her one long, heartfelt kiss.

"The couple has requested we follow them to the Grand Marquis ballroom for their reception. They hope to see all of you there."

As we made our way back down the aisle to the bridal suite, Jax grabbed my hand in his and held on tight. "I love you," he told me.

"I love you too baby," I said, kissing him softly on the lips.

* * *

The Grand Marquis ballroom was absolutely stunning. It sat right on the outskirts of Charming and was decorated to the nines. Strands of small twinkling lights hung from the ceiling draped over a sheer fabric. Small manzanita trees sat in the corners and were painted in an array of white sparkles. White sparkles sat on most of the ground, too in addition to cotton to resemble snow. The lights were dim and candles were lit all along the ballroom, tucked away in glass containers. The tables were long and draped with white table cloths. The gold, silver, white, and plum paired beautifully together in flowers and other decor. And open bar sat in the back of the room, a glass dance floor sat in the middle, and a buffet style dinner table sat near the bar. Gemma had wanted a Winter Wonderland wedding, and that she got. As Jax, Clay, Gemma, and myself took our place at the head of the table, music began blaring through the speakers. We were instructed to eat, and we did so in a hurried fashion. We wanted to get to all of the other good things that were going to happen. We had taken our wedding party pictures on the way over outside by a snow covered bridge and they turned out to be stunning.

As the guests began filling in and grabbing food, Jax and I headed for the bar. We grabbed two beers and two glasses of Sangria and made our way over to the table.

"You really outdid yourself, Aubs."

"It wasn't just me. Brantli helped a lot too."

"It's beautiful," he said, smiling at me. "Just like you. You look absolutely stunning tonight."

I could feel my cheeks get redder, as he kissed on the forehead.

It was nearing 7pm by the time the DJ called the wedding party back to the table. My feet were aching, and I knew the toasts were coming next.

"I just want to start by saying that the couple appreciates all of you being here tonight to witness the coming together of Gemma and Clay. I believe the best man and the maid of honor have something to say."

"You wanna go first?" I asked Jax.

"No way. Ladies first," he smiled.

As I stood up and held my champagne glass, I cleared my throat. "Hi everyone. I just want to start by saying Gemma, you look ravishing tonight. I never knew you could pull off clothes other than black leather. And Clay, you don't look half bad yourself" I chuckled. "For those of you that don't know me, my name is Aubrey Daniels and I am Gemma's kind of adopted daughter. I wiggled myself into the family almost eleven years ago. When I first heard that Clay had proposed to Gemma, I quickly thought 'What is he thinking? Has anyone ever told him about her?' But they have. And how couldn't you? Gemma smiles and the entire room lights up. She has changed and been a part of all of our lives for the better. And Clay knows that, too. That's one of the main reasons why he married her in the first place. Love isn't perfect. It isn't a fairytale or a storybook and it doesn't always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it because you did it together. Clay, welcome to the family. I wish you the best of luck. To Gemma, you have been so lucky to fall in love twice. I wish you both nothing but a life of amazing memories that you will create along this journey. Cheers to the bride and groom. I love you both very much," as we raised our glasses high, I could tell that was probably one of the worst speeches I had ever given in my life. But, Gemma just smiled and mouthed "thank you" to me.

Jax was next, and he stood with great pride. I could tell that this was going to be hard for him. "Well, it's only fitting that we saved the best for last, right?" he chuckled. "I suck at these things so just bare with me, please. I just wanted to start by saying that my mom looks absolutely gorgeous tonight. I have never seen her glow more in the entire seventeen years that she has been my mother. I've been blessed to grow up alongside of such a strong and powerful woman. Clay, man you have got yourself one amazing woman. I couldn't think of two people that are meant for each other more than the both of you are. I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I'm very happy for the both of you. There are two things a man can never hide: The fact that he's drunk, and the fact he's in love. May we toast tonight in the hopes that you both cannot remember anything past your first dance and that you fall more in love with each other after that than ever before. You all might know me as Gemma's son. But, today I became Clay's son as well. I love you both more than you'll ever know. Thank you for your guidance and wisdom these past years and watching me turn into the man that I am today. I wish you both the best of luck as you embark on this new chapter of your lives," he said. "To my mom and stepdad!"

"To Gemma and Clay!" I said, raising my class in the air once more. As we, at the table clung our glasses together with the sun setting over Charming, I had witnessed their first true kiss as man and wife. A new chapter for both of them, indeed.

As the reception continued, the DJ invited Gemma and Jax out onto the dance floor as a mother and son dance. Gemma had picked "Through the Years" by Kenny Rogers to dance to. It was a sweet embrace shared by mother and son, a moment that would hold true in my mind for years to come. As the song ended, Clay stepped out onto the dance floor. They had picked "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers as their first dance. The DJ invited couples out onto the dance floor about halfway through the song, so Jax and I soon walked out and took our place. We switched partners, and soon I was dancing with Clay.

"Congratulations," I told him.

"Thank you sweetie. I hope one day you and Jax can enjoy your wedding night just as Gemma and I are. You both deserve it. If you keep it in Charming, I might even pay for it. You're a wild one, Aubs. I know you've got this adventurous side to you. Jax is my son now. And Gemma and I wouldn't like it very much if you took him away from us," he whispered. "Love you honey, thanks for all of your help."

Really, Clay? Bribing me? I couldn't tell Jax. He would flip out on him, and that's the last thing that we needed tonight.

"Thanks," I replied, as he handed me off to Jax.

"Goddamn, I love you," he whispered softly in my ear.

Gemma had soon tossed her bouquet after that and ironically, Brantli caught it. I did a half dive, not wanting to ruin my dress or make a fool of myself. Clay then tossed her garter off and Chibs snatched it out of thin air. "Hell yeah!" he yelled.

"You know that means you're going to get married next, right?"

"Aye, Jackie Boy. I'm already married," he said in his thick Scottish accent. We all laughed, as we made our way over to their three tier red velvet cake. Their topper was fitting: a man and a woman, dressed in their wedding best on a Harley. It was cute. As they cut the first piece of cake, the DJ had them cross their arms and feed each other the first piece. Gemma decided to go a different route though and smash the cake into Clay's face. As he kissed the sticky dessert off of her face, I couldn't help but laugh. A part of me couldn't believe that she was able to find happiness again. But sometimes, love finds you in your darkest days and there's no controlling it. JT would have been so happy for them. He knew that she was going to be safe and well for the rest of her life. And to him, I'm sure he wanted nothing more.

We sent them off to their limo with a line of sparklers after all of the dancing, mingling, and drinking was over that night. They were heading off to a nearby casino for a small two-night honeymoon before they both had to return back to their duties as parents and newlyweds.

* * *

Jax had gotten us a room for the night. I couldn't have been happier to plop down on the soft, king sized bed that night. As he kissed my lips, I quickly pulled away. "I have a surprise for you," I told him. Buying the lingerie was Brantli's idea and thought that it might be just enough romance to kickstart our night too. It was a simple hot pink corset dress that fell just above my legs with a matching pair of jeweled bra and underwear. I kept my gold heels on and paired it with sheer stockings. I let my hair out of the obnoxious bobby pins and let it fall naturally around my face.

"Holy hell," he said, as I made my way out of the bathroom.

"You like?" I asked.

"I love," he said, swallowing hard. "You should wear it more often," he joked. I'll have to say, it was quite the step up from my normal sweat pants and tshirt.

As he kissed each inch of my body, removing clothing items as he went, I could tell that he was putting passion in each mood. "You always please me, so it's my turn to please you," I whispered, as I nibbled on his ear.

"Not going to complain," he told me as I began to take total control. As I climbed on top of him and looked him in the eyes, I had tried to mimic what he had done to me for years. Kissing his lips first, then his chest. Stomach, then beginning to work my way down even farther. It was new for me, I had never seen such a fire in his eyes for me. As we made love, I could tell that he meant every move, every touch, and every soft kiss.

When we finished and laid in bed next to each other, he looked at me.

"Aubrey?"

"Yes babe?"

"I have a question for you," he said.

I rolled over and rested my chin on my palm. "Yes?" This was it. This was the moment that he was going to propose to me with a real ring. He was going to get down on one knee and ask me right here, in our hotel room after his mother's wedding. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best that he could do. We were both so in love. How could he not ask me in this moment?

"Do you want to order room service?"

I laughed. "Oh Jax," I smiled. "Yeah, room service sounds great."

While it was no marriage proposal, I guess boneless chicken wings and brownie sundaes mixed with the sweet taste of mimosas would have to do instead, right?

* * *

**A/N: Muahaha. Who thought Jax was going to propose?! Just wanted to give a quick shoutout to my new story followers and all that have reviewed the past couple of days and everyone that has stuck around for this long. You guys are seriously my motivation. Love you all! Xoxo**


	30. Chapter 30

_Aurora and Harley,_

_There's an age old saying: "I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, so I guess I'm on my way home." Although Brantli was born in Boston, not very far from New York, destiny had brought her to California and then finally to New York on that late December afternoon._

I had been excited for the most part. I've never been to the east coast before, and despite being nervous for nationals, I had never wanted to be in one place more in my life_._

Our cheer team had decided to make a road trip out of it. While we wanted no part, Jax and Opie suggested that it might be best if we took a plane, after realizing that none of our cars could make the 43 hour trip. Nor did we want to, for that matter. The guys had never been on a plane before, so this was going to be a good first experience for them.

In the days leading up to our trip, Brantli had rehearsed her monologues over and over. The admissions staff had asked that she prepared four: two Shakespearian and two contemporary. She had chosen one from As You Like It and one from Macbeth as her Shakespearian. For contemporary, she chose one from the musical A Chorus Line and one from the movie Forrest Gump. "I couldn't not have a movie one."

"With all the movies out there and you pick Forrest Gump?" I had asked her when she spoke about it. It was a risky decision, to perform a monologue by an actor such as Tom Hanks. She wasn't a guy and she hadn't lost her wife to an illness. But my god, when she delivered it it was pure gold. "I have a back-up just in case."

"I don't think you'll need it."

And my God, if I had to hear her sing her audition songs one more time, I was going to blow my brains out. She had picked songs from musicals, because Juilliard recommends that you don't sing a song that's on mainstream radio. I could sing "All That Jazz" from Chicago in my sleep.

* * *

On the day we were set to head out to New York, it was unnaturally warm. The temperature had peaked at about 70 degrees, and the sun was shining high in the sky. Clay and Gemma took us to LAX and Jax was nervous the entire ride there. His adrenaline really kicked in when we boarded the plane.

"We should've drove," he said, as we fastened our seat belts. It was so good to see him in something other than his kutte for a change. Clay had advised the guys not to wear them in New York, so Jax was dressed in a simple navy blue zip-up jacket, jeans, and a white tshirt.

"Jax, it would've taken us almost three days to get there. The plane ride is only eight hours."

"Doesn't matter. I don't like this. I feel like I'm trapped,"

"Baby, relax. Everything is going to be okay," As the flight attendant and pilot began their introduction and safety procedures, Jax gripped onto my hand. When that was all said and done, the plane began to speed up on the runway.

"Nope," he simply said.

"Here we go!" Opie yelled. He was a little more calm than Jax was.

"What's the matter, my big bad biker is afraid of a little turbulence?" As the plane took off, he squeezed tighter and shut his eyes. When we finally took off, I told him to uncover his eyes and let go of my hand and look out the window. He did, and was blown away. "Holy shit. Look at all of the houses! And the clouds,"

"Yeah, I know," I smiled at him.

"So do they serve food on this flight?" Brantli asked. "Cause I didn't eat much."

"Nerves?" I laughed. I had eaten just fine. I knew we didn't have anything to truly worry about until tomorrow morning. We had gotten our schedule for Nationals: we were set to perform around 9:30am, giving Brantli plenty of time to haul ass down 10th and 8th to make it to her 11:30 audition. I still worried though. I heard traffic was a bitch in New York City so I was prepared to sit in a taxi for a long time.

"Yeah, I'm really nervous," she replied.

"It'll be okay," Opie encouraged. "Just picture everyone in their underwear," he smiled. "I'll be sitting right in the back. So if you get nervous or forget a line, look at me."

"Awe. Listen to him! How sweet," I smiled.

"So how does that work exactly?"

"Well, I have my first audition at 11:30. Callbacks are posted around 1, then I'll do another monologue or something, and then probably sing. 3 is my dance audition, and then they will post final callbacks then. After that, I'll be able to tell if I got in or not."

"What're you going to do if you don't get in?"

She shrugged. "I have my safety schools. And I submitted my audition tape to Berkley and heard nothing but good reviews back. So that's always an option,"

A selfish part of me really wanted her to stay in California. I wanted it to be the four of us going through college together. I wanted us to get an apartment and have wine and movie nights and go see plays and stress out over midterms and finals together. I knew things didn't work like that. If they did, we wouldn't be sitting on this plane right now.

* * *

The eight hours truly flew by, and before we knew it, we were woken up by the pilot. "Good afternoon, folks. It's 5pm here in beautiful New York City, with light snow flurries coming down and a temperature reading at just above 25 degrees. We will be landing at JFK International Airport in just about five minutes. As always, thank you for flying Southwest Airlines."

I had nudged Jax and Opie to wake them up. Two things I don't think I could get used to was the time change (it was only 2pm in Charming) and the temperature. I knew we were going to be heading down to Times Square tomorrow night and had expected the cold. But not by this much. I don't even think I grabbed gloves.

"I feel like 'New York, New York' by Frank Sinatra should be playing or something," Brantli joked as we grabbed our carry-on luggage and began to make our way off of the plane.

"Start spreading the news!" I yelled. That was always a song my brothers had on repeat growing up.

"I am leaving today! I want to be a part of it!" I yelled in reply.

"Stop!" Opie yelled to both of us.

We didn't care. We stopped dead center in the airport and screamed "New York, New York!" in perfect unison.

"Who sings that song?" Jax asked.

"Frank Sinatra, duh."

"Good. Keep it that way," Opie replied.

"You're mean!" Brantli yelled back.

"I'm just doing my job. I can't be nice all the time," he replied. As we grabbed our luggage off of the revolving cart, we made our way outside. It was freezing. I had on no cost and my pair of jeans and quarter sleeved shirt really weren't cutting it all that much.

"How are we going to get to the hotel?" Jax asked.

"Watch and learn, Californians," she replied. She stuck her pointer finger and her thumb in her mouth and whistled through them. A taxi came to a halt, and pulled up to the curb.

"How did you do that?"

"You do realize it's not my first time here, right?" she said as we piled in. The cab took us to the Hampton Inn on 28th street. The whole city was alive. It was beginning to get dark outside, so the lights were glowing off of the enormous sky scrapers. People bustled around every corner. There were vendors, stores, music being played on the sidewalks. It was invigorating and I couldn't get enough of it. We were silent the entire ride there, taking in the atmosphere around us.

"What do you guys want to do tonight?" Jax asked, as we paid the cab driver his fee and made our way through the double wide glass doors of the hotel.

"I don't know. I've never been in New York before."

"We have to rehearse around 6:30 and after that maybe I could show you guys around," she smiled.

"You sure?" Opie asked. "We don't want you to if you don't have to. I know you've got a big day tomorrow."

"Come on, OP. New York City is the city that never sleeps. We're only here for a couple of days. We have to take it all in while we can," she smiled. "It's rare that we ever leave Charming. We're young. We're free. Let's enjoy tonight, because come tomorrow I know I'm not going to want to deal with any of you."

She was right. We were only here for a few days. While not enjoy it while we can in the city that never sleeps? Although, the only thing on my mind right now was sleep. No. I had to have fun. I deserved to have fun. Hell, we all did. The year was getting ready to come to a close and we needed to feel alive more than ever.


	31. Chapter 31

After a tedious rehearsal in the the main ballroom of the hotel, I was starving. Brantli had suggested that we just order room service and get ready to go out tonight.

"There's this club that everyone would talk about going to back when I lived in Boston. I promise, you guys are going to love it."

"Can't we do something else besides dance?" Opie asked.

"Oh yeah, sure. I was thinking we go take a tour of the Statue of Liberty at 9pm. Don't you think that'll be fun?"

"Hell yeah," Opie had said sarcastically. "I might sit this one out you guys,"

"No way, dude. If I have to go to a night club then so do you."

The guys got ready way faster than we did: both dressing in a pair of jeans and plain colored t-shirts. Brantli and I both took showers, blow-dried and crimped our hair, and did our makeup. By this time, they were both passed out on the bed. We realized we had a little more time to get ready, and we both dressed a lot older than what we were. Brantli went with a short, leather mini-skirt, a cheetah printed crop top, and spiked black pumps. When I presented her with my jean skirt and plaid shirt, all she could do was laugh.

"You're not wearing that," she told me, as she applied a pale pink shade to her lips.

"Why not?" I asked, looking displeased.

"Aubrey you look like a guy!" she interjected.

"Okay, but the only nice outfit that I brought is the one I'm wearing tomorrow."

"Yeah, well lucky for you I brought some back-ups. Just rummage through my suitcase," she told me.

I shrugged my shoulders and began to look through her luggage. I pulled out a pair of black jeans and a maroon tank top. After throwing it on, she told me to pick something else. "You want to look hot?"

"I'm not trying to pick up a guy or anything,"

"Yeah, but you want to look hot for Jax, right?"

"He's wearing jeans and a tshirt!"

"So?! It doesn't matter. He doesn't have to put effort into his outfit. Us on the other hand: we do. Here, I have the perfect outfit for you," she handed me a pair of red high-waisted shorts, a black crop top with a heart-shaped neckline and a red blazer. She thrusted a pair of black pumps at me that were just a little shorter of a heel than hers.

"You look sexy!" she told me, smiling in the mirror.

"No I don't! I look weird!"

"Dude, you don't. I promise. You wanna wake the guys up?"

By this point, I had half a mind to just let them sleep. They had a long day and were exhausted from the flight. "We could just do a girl's night."

"They would kill us."

"No, they won't. I promise," I replied.

Brantli shrugged her shoulders. "Why the hell not?"

We quickly scribbled a note on the hotel room stationary and shut the lights off so that they could get a more peaceful sleep. As we made our way out of the hotel room, we walked arm and arm. We hauled a cab, and soon made our way to the Culture Club on the other side of town. It was packed as soon as we got there.

"This line sucks!" I told Brantli.

"You have your ID right?" she asked.

"Of course," I said.

"Stay right here. I'll be back," she told me, as she began to make her way to the front entrance. I have no idea what she said to the bouncer, but she made her way over to me and grabbed my hand. "We're in," she said, with a huge smile on her face.

"What'd you do?!" I asked.

"Played the ditzy California blonde. Duh," she replied.

As she grabbed my hand, the bouncer let us in immediately. "You like, totally made our night," she said in a forced west coast accent.

"Have fun ladies," he replied, lifting up the red velvet rope to let us in. I couldn't believe how awesome this place was. It was 80s themed, so neon lights were shining down on the 2500 square foot dance floor. Movie and artist posters served as wallpaper underneath the black walls and lined them from the entrance to the bathrooms and wrapped all the way around. The bar was wooden, and painted black with what appeared to be a Pac-Man game going across the bottom of it. A small stage sat in the far back by the dance floor where a DJ was set up blasting old 80s and current 90s hip hop and pop songs.

"What do you want to drink?!" she asked, as we sat our coats down at a table.

"Do you really think drinking is a good idea tonight?" I asked her.

"Probably not, but one drink isn't going to kill us."

"I'll just have whatever."

"Long Island iced tea it is."

"Brantli Rae!" I yelled, as she began to make her way over to the bar.

"Too late!" she yelled back to me over the loud music.

As she came back and sat the drinks down in front of us, we cheered to Juilliard and to nationals, too even though we knew that wasn't as important as her audition. "You think the guys are going to be mad?"

"No way. Come on, it's Jax and OP. The most they'll do is tell us we shouldn't be out this late by ourselves in an area that we don't know. Blah, blah, blah," she said, taking a long sip of her drink. She had sounded more convincing than I was back at the hotel. "I invited a couple of people from back home. I hope that's okay,"

"Yeah, sure that's fine!" I yelled back to her. "Who did you invite?"

"Just Janelle and Kelly. They're two of my really good friends from middle school. I haven't seen them in four years. I'm sorry!"

"Don't be sorry!" I yelled back. "When are they going to get here?"

"I don't know. They told me around eleven. What time is it now?"

"Like ten," I said, looking up at the clock on the wall.

"You wanna dance?!" she asked, as an old Run DMC song blared through the speakers.

"Yeah! Sure!" I told her. We made our way out onto the dance floor amidst all of the people. As the music filled our souls, we began to dance like most of the people were doing. I wasn't one for clubs like this, but it was pretty awesome. We stayed out for three more songs, until we heard a squeal come from a tall, lanky red-head girl. "Brantli!"

"Hey!" she yelled, as they joined us out on the dance floor. They embraced in a hug, and I realized it had to be one of the girls from back home. "It's so good to see you!" she said, moving a loose strand of blonde hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear.

"You too!" she yelled in her thick, Boston accent. It was similar to the accent that Brantli first possessed when she moved to Charming.

"Janelle, this is my best friend Aubrey. Aubrey, this is Janelle."

"Nice to meet you!" she told me. "I've heard a ton of good things about you."

"You too!" I yelled to her. I had never even heard of this girl until twenty minutes ago. I didn't even know that she still kept in contact with her friends from back home.

"Where's your boyfriend?!" she asked, joining us as we danced.

"He fell asleep at the hotel room. We had a long flight today," she started.

"I brought mine, if that's okay!"

"Yeah, no that's totally fine. Where's Kel?"

"She's at the table! She should be over here soon."

"No, I'm starting to get kind of thirsty actually. Heading back to the table sounds good."

So, we did. I followed behind Brantli and Janelle to the table that was once only ours. Another blonde was sitting at the table. She was shorter, a little bit heavier, and wore her outfit and makeup well.

"Kelly!" Brantli yelled as soon as she saw her.

"Hey girl!" she yelled back, as they embraced in a hug.

"I'm so happy we're here! It's like the old times!"

She didn't even bother introducing me to Kelly as we took our seats at the table.

"Whose this?" Kelly asked, pointing her finger in my direction.

Brantli took a sip of her drink. "Oh, this is Aubrey,"

"The one who's mom is an alcoholic and brother died?" Kelly asked.

Really Brantli? That's how you told your friends back home about me? I was pissed. I could feel my blood begin to boil.

"Yep, that's me!" I said, trying to make a joke out of the situation just like Jax had taught me to do. Although, I didn't really find it funny.

"Oh hi," she said, as I introduced myself. She had turned completely away from me to face Brantli. They continued to gossip about Boston and how much it's changed since she left, some family stuff, and how the boys that they once used to play basketball with had grown up and gotten hot. Brantli just listened, commenting frequently as I slumped in my chair. I had began to see Brantli in a whole new light right now. She wasn't the crazy, rebellious girl that had moved here. She was a snobby little bitch. Everything about her persona right now bothered the hell out of me, but I couldn't ruin her good time.

* * *

"Where's your boyfriend at?!" Brantli asked as the minutes began to pass by.

"I don't know!" Janelle giggled. "Probably dancing. You know how he is,"

"Oh yeah," Kelly commented as the song changed yet again.

"I'm thirsty! I'm gonna go get a martini. Kells, you wanna come with?"

"Yeah, sure! Brantli, Amber. Do you want anything?"

"Its Aubrey," I mumbled under my breath.

"Yeah! A water please!" she yelled.

"You don't wanna have a drink with us?!"

"I have my audition in the morning," she said, pouting.

"I don't care! Bitch you are here with us to have a good ass time. What do you want to drink?!"

"Whatever you guys are having is fine!"

You know, I might have wanted a water, but thanks for offering.

As the girls dashed off to the bar, I looked at Brantli in a pissy fashion. I couldn't believe the girl that was supposed to be my best friend had been talking shit about me all of this time.

"They're awesome, aren't they?"

"Mhm," I said, sipping on the rest of my Long Island iced tea.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I told her.

"You missing Jax?"

"Yep," I replied. We sat in silence as "Ice, Ice, Baby" played over us. My mood was getting worse by the second and all I wanted to do was go back to the hotel room and lay down as the routine for tomorrow played in my head.

"Excuse me, miss. Is this seat taken?" I heard a guy ask. As Brantli turned to face him, I could see her face lose all color in an instant. She looked like she was going to throw up.

"Emerson," she said. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Emerson?! The guy that raped her like five years ago?! Well, I guess karma sucks, doesn't it bitch?

* * *

As Janelle and Kelly made their way back to the table, Emerson took a seat next to me.

"Hi baby," I heard Janelle say as she made her way over to him with drinks in her hand.

"Hi," he said, smiling sweetly at her. As they embraced in a kiss, I could tell Brantli was growing uneasy.

"Aubs, I have to go to the bathroom. Do you wanna come with?"

"Nope," I replied back, looking down at the chipped red nail polish on my fingernails.

"Aubrey. Please," she begged.

"No," I told her again.

She huffed. "Well, then fuck you," she said in a serious tone. She marched off to the bathroom and being the bigger person, I followed right behind her.

"I can't believe he's here!" she yelled, her voice cracking.

"Yeah," I said. "Crazy."

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Nothing!" I yelled.

"It's obviously something, so what did I do wrong?"

"Noooothinnnngggggg!" I yelled, making sure I put emphasis on each syllable.

"I thought you were having a good time?!"

"And I thought you were my best friend!" I yelled back, making sure she heard me loud and clear.

"I am!" she replied back in the same tone.

"Obviously not if you're talking shit about me behind my back."

"When have I ever talked shit about you?!"

"Did you not hear what Kelly said or did all of the alcohol go to your head?"

"About your mom and Colton?" she asked.

"Yeah!" I yelled. "I don't go around telling people that Emerson raped you! I haven't told a soul since you told me that. I could've easily went and spilled the beans to Opie but I didn't,"

"What?!" I heard Janelle's voice ask as she made her way into the bathroom.

"Janelle," Brantli said, looking at her awkwardly.

"What did you just say?" she asked me.

"Nothing," I replied.

"That's what I thought, you piece of California trash. Keep my fucking boyfriend's name out of your mouth. You don't know him, and you don't know me."

"Sorry," I said.

"You just can't go around accusing people of things that aren't true. Or do they not teach you that on the west coast?"

"No, you snobby bitch. They definitely teach us that."

"God, no wonder why your mom became an alcoholic," she said, smiling following that with a laugh. "I'd drink too if I had you as a daughter,"

"Excuse me?!" I asked her.

"Come on, Janelle. Is this necessary?"

"The flat chested bitch started it!"

"At least my boobs are real," I said.

"Aubrey!"

"You wanna go, bitch?!" Janelle yelled, as she removed her hoop earrings from her ears. "I'm not afraid to fight you."

"I'm not afraid to fight your plastic ass either,"

She inched closer to me, and said "bring it" in my face so that her breath was hot on my nose. She then proceeded to spit in my face.

"Janelle!" Brantli said. As she turned away, I grabbed her entire head of red hair and grabbed onto it.

"You wanna go?! We can take this outside!" she asked. Pretty soon, she had grabbed onto my hair as we made our way outside onto the sidewalk.

"Emerson, Kelly! Come on. We have to go!"

It wasn't pretty after that. There was a lot of hair pulling, name calling, and punching of the face going on. The entrance to the club was completely bare. The bouncer was even gone.

"I'm calling Jax!" she yelled, pulling out her Nokia phone.

"Why?! I don't need him to fight this for me," I said, spitting blood onto the sidewalk. I took one more punch to the jaw as Kelly, Emerson, and Brantli began to break it up.

"Get your hands off of me!" I heard Brantli tell him. "Don't you ever touch me again!"

"I think we all just need to calm down and be rational about this."

"Fine. Let's go the fuck back inside. Is Jax on his way?" I asked Brantli.

"Yeah. Him and OP are going to be here soon," she replied.

As we made our way back in the club, I could feel the blood drip down from my nose onto my exposed chest. We didn't even say anything to one-another. I had taken the fall for Brantli's secret, just like any good best friend would do.

* * *

When Jax arrived, he dashed over to the table immediately. I was sitting in the corner away from everyone as they talked. Probably about me. But I didn't care at this point. My face hurt so bad.

"Oh my God!" he said, as he came over to me. He sat down and lifted up my chin to take a good look at my face. "What the hell happened to you, Rocky?"

"Just a fight," I laughed. "Anything look broken?"

"No, you'll be okay. Damn, Aubs. Who did this to you?" Opie asked, as he took a seat on the other side of me.

"Why don't you ask your girlfriend?"

"Why isn't she over here with you?"

"Because she's hanging out with her friends from Boston," I said, swallowing hard. Yep, definitely think I just swallowed blood.

"Well that's a load of bullshit," Opie said under his breath. Brantli heard his booming voice and made her way over to us.

"You let her get the shit beaten out of her?" Jax asked, clenching his fists together.

"I didn't let her!"

"Well then how did it start, Brantli?!" Jax asked, enraged.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know,"

"You should know. Start talking,"

"Can we go outside?" she asked.

"Oh you don't want your friends to see you talking to us?"

"Jax," she replied. "I think you're being really rude,"

"No, I think you're being the rude one,"

"Hey, knock it off!" Opie told him. "Goddamn, would you just stop?"

"Sorry bro, but have you seen her face,"

"Outside!" Brantli yelled. She was scaring me. This look in her eyes and on her face had said it all. As I limped to the door, Janelle looked back at me and smiled.

"Bitch," I mumbled under my breath. We took a seat on the curb as soon as we reached the New York nightlife.

"So go. Spill. What happened?"

"Uhm," Brantli started, looking back at the door.

"Brantli, if you don't tell him I will."

"Tell me what?" Opie asked.

"Uhm."

When she couldn't get the courage to come up with words, I said it for her. "Brantli and I were in the bathroom because she was hiding from the guy that was in there,"

"Do you know him?" Opie asked.

She nodded her head. "Yes,"

"How?" Opie asked. "Someone you hooked up with back home? Ended bad or something?"

"No," she breathed, fighting back tears.

"She was raped!" I finally yelled. "The guy in there raped her and now he's dating one of her best friends."

"WHAT?!" Opie asked, giving her the dirtiest look. "Tonight?!"

"No," I said, looking at her. "Five years ago."

"And you never told me?!"

"No," she said. Now it was my turn to get the dirty look from Opie.

"And you didn't tell me either?!" he said, the question aimed in my direction.

"It's not my place."

"Aubrey, yes it is. If Brantli is in danger it's your place to tell me."

"I thought she did."

"How long have you known for?!"

No words came out of either of our mouths. "Aubrey Nevaeh. How long have you fucking known for?!"

"Since we went to Venice," which was over four years ago. He had every right to be pissed.

"I'm going to kill him," Opie said, standing up. Jax grabbed him by the bottom of the tshirt and sat him back down on the curb.

"No, bro! Do you want any more fights tonight?! I don't know about you but I'm not about to fight some pretty boy."

"You don't have to! I will!" he said, punching the sidewalk.

"I think we should all go back to the hotel," he said. "So that we can talk about this."

"What's there to talk about?!" Brantli asked. "It's done, it's over. It's water under the bridge."

"Yeah, just like us."

"Harry," Brantli said. Woah. I had never heard someone use Opie's name before.

"You lied to me. You lied through your pretty little teeth for the past four years."

"Let's just go!" Jax yelled, stopping the situation before it got worse. "Go say goodbye to your friends and let's get the hell out of here."

Brantli and I stood up, and made our way back into the club. "Thanks a lot," she told me.

"Don't mention it."

"At least the girls in here have my back." she said.

"And I haven't? I haven't stuck by you for the last four years?"

"I don't have anything to say to you!" she said, turning to me. "You're not perfect, Aubrey. Have you ever stopped to take a good, long look in the mirror at yourself?" we were quiet as we made our way over to the table. "I'm taking off,"

"What? The guys don't wanna come have a beer?"

"Nah. It's getting late and we have nationals and the audition in the morning."

"Call me as soon as you know if you got in. Kelly and I are going to NYU. Maybe we could get an apartment together."

"Yeah! That would be cool," she said, flinging her purse over her shoulder. She gave the girls a hug, as Emerson looked at her.

"What? No goodbye?"

As we walked away, she gave him the finger. We soon joined the guys out on the sidewalk, got in a cab, and made our way back to the hotel room.

* * *

"Start talking," Opie told her, shutting the door forcefully. Jax and I had decided to go find some ice to put on my face, so we didn't get to hear the entire conversation. We knew that they had wanted their space, and we respected that.

"I saw an ice machine on the second floor. Let's head down there," he said, pushing the down button on the elevator. "Next time you want to go out gallivanting around NYC, tell us."

"We didn't want to wake you up," I said.

"I would have rather been woken up and drug to the club then you having your face punched in," he said, as we stepped into the elevator. "I worry about you enough as it is. I don't need to worry about you getting the shit beat out of you, too."

"I did not get the shit beat out of me," I laughed.

He couldn't help but laugh. "I'll teach you how to fight."

"No way. I'm never fighting again."

"Oh really?" he asked, throwing his fists up in boxing form. "Come on, Rocky. Show me your moves."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Thanks," I said, as he put them down.

"Don't ever do that again," he pleaded. "I don't understand though. Why were you mad at Brantli?"

"She was talking crap about me behind my back to the girls at home."

"Harsh. What did she say?" he asked, as we made our way off of the elevator.

"Well, nothing good apparently. The blonde one referred to me as the girl with the crazy mom and the dead brother."

"I wonder if that's how she described me, too" he laughed, of course trying to make a joke out of this.

"She was supposed to be my best friend."

"She still is," he said.

"Apparently not."

"This will all blow over in the morning. Come on, let's get some of the swelling down,"

"Rocky thanks you," I said, giving him a kiss on the lips as we made our way over to the ice machine. I gave him my best smile. I had taken each word that Brantli told me to heart tonight. And now, I didn't care if she bombed or excelled at her audition. I didn't want anything to do with the girl that was once my best friend.

* * *

We ate breakfast in silence that following morning. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. We didn't head to bed until almost 4am, so I was running on about two hours of sleep. It was hard to get any sleep with Opie's obnoxious snoring all night long. Coffee was my new best friend today.

As we packed our bags and met the squad out by the charter bus, our coach looked at me. "Rough night?"

"You have no idea," I told her. My face had cleared up just a little bit. I had a huge black eye that I tried to cover as much as I could with concealer and a nasty scar above my once swollen lip. A tinier scar sat above my right eye.

We boarded the bus and soon began to make our way to Madison Square Garden. It was a nice little ride, and gave me time to think. Brantli sat a couple of rows ahead of me, but I could see her looking over her flash cards through the cracks of the seat. This was so weird. Us not talking, I mean. Oh well. Whatever happened today, happened.

As we arrived at the venue, it was nothing but dance squads, cheerleaders, and over energetic parents from wall to wall. We check in and grabbed our numbers and handed the DJ our cd.

"You guys will be performing in about a half an hour. There's a spot on the risers for you and coffee in the break room," one of the guys said. Most of the girls mad a mad dash for the room while the others that were too nervous to even think made their way to the risers. As soon as we joined back up, our coach gave us a nice little pep talk. "Whatever happens today, girls just know that I have had a great year with you all. For you seniors, take it in. It will truly be the last time that you ever cheer for Charming High."

The bleachers opposite of us began to fill up with a ton of people. I saw Jax's smiling face right away and with a thumbs up from him, I knew everything would be okay.

"Now, presenting to you the Charming High Warriors, all the way from California!" the emcee said, as he announced our squad. Brantli stood up front, with me on her right and a junior on her left.

"Ready?" she asked, in her call and response cheer voice.

"Ready!"

"You sure?!"

"Oh yeah!" we replied back.

"We're the Charming High Warriors and we're here to say, we got some action that's coming your way!"

The first song that played was one by New Kids on the block. As we stepped, clapped, and moved on the blue mat that laid out in front of us, I could feel my heart beating faster. The song changed to _"That's How I Beat Shaq" _by Aaron Carter, and we began to pick up the pace with our moves. The routine ended with a mash-up of_ "Baby Got Back" _by Sir Mix A Lot and_ "Oops...I Did It Again"_ by Britney Spears as the back row did a couple of flips, and the girls up front soon followed. Brantli, myself, and a few of the other girls ended with the splits, our sacred red and white pompoms placed on the floor in front of us. The loudest applauses in the room came from the guys, and after the commotion died down, we exited the room.

"You girls were awesome!" our coach smiled at us. I knew we had that in the bag. No one could stand up to the choreography that Brantli had thought of. She literally had five minutes to change from her cheer outfit into her leotard and tights. She removed the bow from her hair, touched up her makeup, threw her ballet shoes on, and darted out the door. We grabbed a cab and told him to take us to Juilliard immediately.

Thank god traffic wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, because we made it there with a few moments to spare.

"Break a leg," I told her. And I really hoped that she did when she got up to dance if she was called back.

The guys and I had snuck in the room to watch her audition, trying to be stealthy about it.

"Brantli Atkins," I heard one of the members on the admissions staff call her name. She got up from her chair, and made her way up onto the stage.

"Hi, I'm Brantli Atkins," she said, taking a deep breath and smiling.

"How old are you?"

"17. I'll be 18 in July,"

"And you're from California?"

"Yes. I was born and raised in Boston though."

"Why do you want to go to Juilliard? There's plenty of good schools in California."

"My mom took me here when I was a little girl the first time that I came to New York. She had a passion for dancing, and owned a small studio on the outskirts of Boston. She danced until the day that she died. She taught me everything that I know. I soon fell in love with singing and acting and know that I belong right here, up on this stage," she told them.

"What do you have prepared for us today?"

"Today, I'm going to be performing two monologues. The first is from _As You Like It,_ a play written by William Shakespeare. The second is Val's monologue from the musical _A Chorus Line,"_ she explained.

"Bold move," one of the staff members said.

"I'm all about taking risks,"

"Whenever you're ready," they told her.

She took another deep breath before she started. When she opened her mouth, I saw her turn green. I saw her sweat under the spotlight and thought for sure she was going to puke.

"She's gonna barf," Opie whispered, taking the words right out of my mouth.

"Give her a minute," I replied.

She began to boom after that. "Think not, I love him though I ask for him. 'Tis, but a peevish boy but he talks well. But, what I care for words? Yet, words do well. When he speaks them pleases those that hear. It is a pretty youth, not very pretty. But, sure he is proud. Yet, his pride becomes him. He'll make a proper man. The best thing in him is his complexion. And faster than his tongue did make offense. His eye did not heal it up. He is not very tall," she grabbed onto her chest, and I knew that this was directed towards Opie as she looked out into the audience at us. "Yet, for his years he is tall. His leg is but so, so and yet, 'Tis well. There was a pretty redness in his lip; a little riper and a more lusty red than that mix'd in his cheek. 'Twas just the difference..." The staff had cut her off there.

"And your contemporary?" they asked, scribbling a few notes down on the papers held by their clipboard.

She breathed deeply again, and placed her freshly manicured hand on her hip, making sure that her posture was nice and tall. "So, the day after I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on a trail ways bus and headed for the big, bad Apple," her voice had sounded much like a sorority girl, way different from the soft-spoken voice that she had used in her other monologue. "Cause, I wanted to be a Rockette. Oh, yeah. Let's get one thing straight. See, I never heard about "The Red Shoes", I didn't give a fuck about "The Red Shoes." I decided to be a Rockette because this girl from my hometown-Louella Heiner-had actually gotten out and made it in New York. And SHE was a Rockette," "Well, she came home one Christmas to visit and they gave her a parade! A goddamn parade! I twirled a friggin' baton for two hours in the rain!" "Unfortunately though" she smiled wider. "She got knocked up over Christmas. Merry Christmas," she laughed. "And never made it back to Radio City. That was my plan. New York, New York! Except I had one minor problem. See, I was ugly as sin. I was ugly, skinny, homely, unattractive and flat as a pancake. Get the picture?" "Anyway, I got off this bus in my little white shoes and my little white tights, little white dress, my little ugly face and my long blonde hair. Which, was all natural at the time. I looked like a fucking nurse! I had $87 in my pockets and seven years of tap and acrobatics. I could do a hundred and eighty degree split and come up tapping Morse Code. Well, with that kind of talent, I thought the Mayor would be waiting for me at Port Authority. Wrong! I had to wait six months for an audition," I thought they were going to stop her, but they didn't. "Well, finally the big day came. I showed up at the Music Hall in my red patent leather tap shoes and I did my little tap routine. And this man said to me: can you do fan-kicks?" Another chuckle out of her. "Well, sure. I could do terrific fan-kicks! But they weren't good enough. Of course, what he was trying to tell me was..." Long pause after this. "It was the way you looked, not the fan-kicks. So I said, fuck you Radio City and the Rockettes! I'm going to make it on Broadway! Well, Broadway same story. Every audition. I mean I'd dance rings around the other girls and find myself in the alley with all the other rejects. But after awhile, I caught on. I mean, I had eyes. I saw what they were hiring. I also swiped my dance card once after an audition. And on a scale of one to ten, they gave me a ten for dance," she stopped, taking one final breath. "And for looks...three"

She had nailed it! I just could feel it. "That's my girlfriend!" Opie said, keeping our clapping soft so that the admissions staff wouldn't catch on. They had asked her to perform a song in which she sang that damn song from Chicago. I could feel myself tapping along to it. I knew it was going to be stuck in my head all day.

"Thank you, Ms. Atkins. Callbacks will be posted around 1pm," they said with stone cold faces. As she exited off of the stage and embraced us, I could tell she was sad, nervous, and relieved. Then came the hard part: the waiting.

Around 1pm, she had gotten told that she would be in the dance callback. More waiting. Absolutely killed it with the routine. After that, another callback around six. After that, the list of 40 students that would be part of the musical theatre program for the fall of 1996 semester was posted. As we made our way over to the door where the paper hung, I knew she couldn't look.

"Brantli Atkins," Opie said, turning to face her after reading the sheet.

"Yes?"

"No, honey it wasn't a question. You got in. You're going to Juilliard."


	32. Chapter 32

That following morning, I was actually in a great mood when I woke up. Despite the drama that had happened on our first night here, I was so excited to be going down to Times Square this afternoon to just bask in all of the New Years Eve activities. It was rare that I got to cross anything off of my bucket list so in doing this, I was able to accomplish something. I know that I have iterated to you guys the importance of making a bucket list, especially in times like these. I was in the city of thrill, the city of adventure, and a city away from home. I wasn't going to let Aunt Brantli, of all people, ruin my good mood.

That morning, our hotel room was freezing as I woke up. I threw on Jax's button up shirt that he wore yesterday and started the coffee. Once the pot was ready, I headed out onto our balcony with a cup in my hand. The temperature outside had warmed up just a little bit, but I still threw on my peacoat and a pair of jeans. I brushed the snow off of one of the lawn chairs that came standard with the hotel room and sat down on it. The view from our hotel room was amazing. The sun was beginning to rise over all of the buildings, and on the streets people were on every corner. The sounds of the taxi's honking was comforting to me in the oddest way. But somehow, I managed to take it all in. I grabbed my pack of Marlboros from the pocket of my coat and lit one without hesitation. I had taken a lot of what Brantli said the other night to heart. Especially the fact that I wasn't perfect. I never thought I was. I was a simple girl. I didn't think I was better than any of the people that were in the hotel room and I damn sure didn't think I was better than anyone on this earth. That's not how I was raised. I had values, I had morals. Maybe she should take a step back and look in the mirror. I think she was confused about who she was.

Someone had clearly read my mind, because all of those thoughts were interrupted by the opening of our sliding glass doors. Out stepped Brantli, with a coffee cup in her hands.

"Morning," she told me in a groggily voice. Her hair was a mess and she wore dark, square rimmed glasses around her eyes.

"Morning," I replied.

"You doing okay today?"

I'll have to admit, I couldn't believe that two years had gone by without my brother. It pained me that he wasn't here to watch me grow up or to share moments with me. But for the most part, I was doing okay today. People said it gets easier. The holidays are always the toughest though. That was for damn sure. "I'm fine."

"Just checking on you."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"You do need an attitude adjustment, Aubrey," she replied, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I don't but I know someone that does," I replied, stretching my right arm out in front of me.

"I didn't do anything to you! I was coming out to enjoy the sunrise, a coffee, and a cig just like you are."

"I'll leave then. It's fine."

"Yeah, that's what your best at anyway," she replied, giving me a half laugh.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You walk away from your problems. You walk away from things that you don't want to deal with. We fought. We're best friends, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Why did you talk shit about me to those girls back home?" I asked. Hell, if she wanted to clear the air, let's do it now.

"I didn't talk shit," she started. "I was hurt when you left. I had no one. We had just become friends and I was having a bad day and said some stuff I shouldn't have."

"That's for sure," I replied. "How do you think I feel now? You're leaving to go off to school."

"Aubrey you knew it was going to happen though. The shit with your mom: I didn't have a warning. None of us did. You think you had it hard in Arizona? Do you know how many sleepless nights I had? Do you know how long it took me to realize that you were gone and not coming back?"

"I gave you guys plenty of a warning." I said.

"Not really. Come on. A couple of months and then you were gone?"

"And what did you give me for Juilliard?"

"I told you about that freshman year! That's four years."

"You're such a hypocrite," I told her. "You can call all of us quitters for leaving. You can call me every name in the book and let me get my face bruised up taking a fall for something that you told me but my god forbid it if you do it, right?! You can sit here and tell me that I need to look in the mirror. I think you do too! You were a completely different person at the club than you have ever been towards me. You were sitting there talking about money and boys and how this girl is way more popular than this one. It was weird. You've never acted like a rich kid."

"Because I hated that part of my life!" she yelled, slamming the coffee cup down on the plastic side table. "Come on," she told me, grabbing my hand.

"What?" I asked.

As she took me by the hand and led me into the hotel bathroom, we were standing in front of the full length mirror in the matter of seconds. "What do you see?"

"This is stupid."

"I'm trying to resolve this. Will you just look in the mirror and tell me what you see, please?"

"I see me. I see the same girl I've always been."

"Think deeper. What do you see that you don't like?"

"I see that I'm scared. That I'm confused. That I'm jealous because everyone around me is chasing this dream that they have and I'm just slowly skating by. I see a girl that wants to grab the whole world and have it in the palm of her hand. I see a girl that is too scared to leave the town that she's known for the past nine years because I don't want to be disappointed. And I don't want to be a disappointment, either. So, I settle. I see a girl that just...settles."

"What else?"

That wasn't good enough?! "I see...I see a girl that thinks everything in her life is wrong when in reality, we all fight battles every day,"

We switched places as Brantli stood in front. I put my hands on her broad shoulders and she took a deep breath. "What do you see?"

"I see a girl that wants to dream. That has this dream but is so sad of letting people down because I've been doing it my entire life. I see a girl that doesn't know what she wants. I see a girl that longs for the city and longs to be up on stage but knows that she would be perfectly fine with following everyone else's lead. I see a girl that's scared. Scared of failing, of falling, of flying. I see a girl that has to cope with demons so she drowns it out and pretends to be someone that she isn't. I see the new me. The girl that doesn't care about money or boys or who's richer than who. I see a girl that doesn't care about materialistic things like I once did. I see a girl that just wants to be loved for who she is, instead of the girl that she pretended to be so long ago. I see two girls that just want to find themselves, when I look at the both of us. Both not knowing where on earth we want to end up in the next five or ten years."

"I'm so sick of fighting with you," I told her.

She smiled at me. "I never knew Janelle was going to do that. I didn't know she was going to bombard us in the bathroom. I didn't know that she was going to bring Emerson with her when she knew all of that went down but probably can't believe it now," "And Aubrey I truly am sorry. I was just in a state of shock. I was just thinking how I could hurt him and didn't realize that you were doing my dirty work for me. That should have never fallen on you,"

"Then why did you act so different at the club? I don't get it."

"Because. When I moved to Charming, I didn't have to pretend anymore. I didn't have to pretend that I was some rich girl because I went to a performing arts academy. I didn't have to pretend that I was a girl going home to some huge mansion when in reality, I was going home to a ranch house with a dying mother and a dad that was always on the road. Informed this silhouette of myself when I lived in Boston. Of a girl that I wanted to exist, but didn't. And then I moved and met you guys and knew that you didn't care about money or who hooked up with who and who's parents were off on a cruise so we had the whole house to ourselves. You guys saw me for the girl that I really was. The real Brantli Atkins."

"You know you are always going to be my best friend, right? No matter where life takes us. If you're out here having a great time on stage and I'm off tucked away in a corner with my typewriter and a cup of coffee we are still going to be best friends."

"Pinky promise?" she asked, sticking out her finger.

"Pinky promise," I said, as I wrapped mine around hers. I gave her a huge hug and we stood back in front of the mirror.

"You know what else I see?"

"Whats that?" I asked.

"Two girls that look like a hot mess. Come on. We should get ready for the day," she smiled. I knew I couldn't be mad at her for forever. She had been my best friend for far too long for it to end over some silly ass fight about pride and finding herself. It wouldn't be life it we didn't waste it finding who we truly were and our purpose in life.

When the guys finally rolled out of bed around 11am that morning, we were relieved. We had been ready for two hours almost and just sat around, impatiently waiting. When they finally were dressed, we grabbed our things and made our way outside of the room.

"So, Ms. Tour Guide. What do you have planned for us today?" Opie asked, as we greeted the New York sunshine and made our way into a taxi.

"I don't know. There's a ton of stuff to do in Times Square. I don't even know where to start," she replied.

"Well I want to shop," I interjected.

Brantli shook her head. "You do realize that we aren't going back to the hotel right? Traffic is going to be insane soon. You aren't going to want to lug bags around with you all day. We can do all the touristy stuff tomorrow. I think it's best that we just hangout down here,"

Our driver dropped us off at the front entrance of Radio City Music Hall. As we piled out of the cab, I looked left and I looked right. Every inch was crawling with new opportunities for us to do today. The streets were already packed and they were setting up for the ball drop that would happen almost 11 hours from now.

"Do you guys want to go see a play?" she asked.

The guys shrugged. "Not really,"

"It's a good way to kill time. Plus there are matinees going on right now. It'll be cheaper."

"I don't think I could sit through a play without falling asleep," Jax said, as he grabbed my hand in mine.

"The Rockettes?"

"I thought you didn't give a fuck about the Rockettes," Opie joked.

"Well, here. We can just start walking and if you see something that peaks your interest we can do it," she said, stopping dead in her tracks in front of Broadway.

Opie groaned. "Brantli, what play do you want to see?"

"Yay!" she said, applauding to herself.

* * *

We had settled on Jersey Boys, because our only other option for a matinee was Cats and I knew the guys were not going to sit through that. Surprisingly, they both loved it. It was full of drama, and music and come on, who doesn't love Frankie Valley? We grabbed a quick hot dog off one of the nearby carts which was really, really good actually and sat down on a bench. It was nearing 4pm at this time, and I knew we didn't have a lot to waste because the streets would soon be even more packed than they already were.

"I have an idea, if you guys are up for it."

"As long as it's not another play, I'm up for it," Jax said.

Brantli called for a cab and asked that he take us to Rockefeller Center. I was pumped when we got there. One of the things that the center is known for around the holidays is the huge ice skating rink. While I knew the guys wouldn't love the idea, the place was beautiful. The infamous Christmas tree was still up, and all of the lights were glowing off of it onto the ice. Christmas carols echoed overhead. There were hundreds of people gliding on the ice. Being from the west coast, I had never been ice skating before in my life. We didn't do this at all back in California and I was too uncoordinated to attempt to do anything that result in me falling on my ass in front of everyone.

We slipped our skates on and laced them up. These were even more uncomfortable than a pair of heels. Jax, Op, and I held on to the railing around the side of the rink while Brantli pretty much skated circles around all of us.

"You guys should try to get away from the railing. Here," she said, grasping Op's hands into hers. She pulled him away from the wall and began skating backwards with him going forwards.

"I'm going to fall!" I told Jax, as I finally let my hand off of the railing.

"You won't, I promise. I've got you," he said, as I placed my hand in his. We started skating, and I definitely did fall twice but came up laughing in the end. I was terrified and falling on ice hurt like hell. I was relieved when we finally decided to stop and head back to Times Square. When we went back, we all grabbed a beer at one of the local bars to get out of the cold for a little bit.

By the time 8pm hit, we decided to make our way closer to where the chaos was going to happen. The streets were packed, and filled with people all over. But I could see the legendary New Years Eve ball high in the sky. It reflected well against all of the buildings. The lights on Broadway were shining, illuminated with the plays that we're going on now. People were passing out 96 glasses and New Years Eve hats. I had gotten so accustomed to the cold that I didn't even notice my fingers were numb at this point. Brantli and I were covered in sparkles and wore more spring-like clothes and heels. The guys were dressed in button up shirts and nice jeans. We all looked like we belonged here for some reason. And I felt like I did, too.

"Three more hours!" Brantli gushed.

"I know, right? I can't believe this year is almost over,"

"If you had to re-live one memory from this year, what would you choose?" I asked.

"Probably...hm, that's tough," Opie said.

"Probably Juilliard," Brantli said.

"For me, it's probably Berkley. Or, I don't even know! That concert down in LA that we went to. That Who cover band. That was a fun night," I replied.

"Oh yeah, that was a lot of fun," Jax laughed. "Probably getting my new Harley,"

"Really?" I asked, giving him an odd stare.

"And of course, all of the times we shared together,"

"You can't pick one?" I asked him.

"I can, but I don't want to share,"

"Gemma's wedding," Opie interrupted. "That was a fun night."

"Yeah! That was,"

"I mean there's so many things that we did this year. I can't even believe we survived it," Brantli laughed.

"Next year is going to be so much better," Brantli told me.

"Yeah it is. There's prom. College. We graduate!" I yelled.

"I know! After this, high school is over in the matter of four months,"

"Have we decided what we're doing this summer?" Opie asked. Most seniors decided to go on spring break somewhere, but we knew that one weekend wouldn't be nearly enough time to say the goodbyes that we knew were coming.

"I actually have a great idea. My dad's friend owns this really old Winnebago and said that we can have it if we fix it. Maybe we could road trip,"

"To where?"

"My mom, dad, and I used to throw darts at a map and wherever it landed, we went."

"Great idea, but what if we end up in some backwoods town?"

"Isn't Charming backwoods?"

"Well then here. Let's all come up with four names of cities and we can throw a dart at those. I think it'll be fun,"

"And how are we supposed to pay for this stuff?"

"We have jobs. Just start saving your money,"

"A mechanic job at TM isn't going to help much," Opie said. "I mean, things cost money. Gas, food, entertainment. Cigarettes. Alcohol,"

"Set up a budget?" I offered.

"The way you girls spend money we'll be stuck wherever we land."

"I think we can all cut back," Brantli said.

"What about prom? Do you know how much that costs?"

"Not to mention senior dues."

"We will figure it out you guys! Chill out. You always have to be so over dramatic about everything. Why don't we just see what happens. It was just an idea,"

"A shitty one."

"You'll see," she smiled.

With ideas of summer looming over us, it was hard to concentrate on where we were right now. Life, I mean. It was hard to stop and pause and take all of this in. I know that if we went on this mega expensive road trip we would have a blast, but that wasn't even the point. I don't think any of us were ready to truly say goodbye to 1995 and say hello to 1996.

* * *

By the time 11:30 hit, I felt like a sardine. So many people were crowding around us and being impatient, trying to push their way to the front. The Backstreet Boys performed a small concert on stage and following that was The Spice Girls which was actually really really cool. We had found a nearby couple to buy us alcohol, so they were always handing us drinks. We were chain smoking cigarettes, trying not to make fools of ourselves. I mean, the police was here. They were watching our every move. When Dick Clark and that one dude from TRL stepped on to stage in the minutes leading up to midnight, we were all excited. The energy in the air was pulsing.

"We are going to start the countdown," they told us. "59,"

"Here we go!" Brantli yelled.

"I'm ready for it!"

Jax grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him. As we watched in awe of the screen in front counting down the seconds and the giant crystal ball making its way down, we knew this was a moment that we would treasure for the rest of our lives.

And then, it was all over. The crowd burst out into a chorus of "Happy New Years!" and everything was over. 1995. The year of confusion and trying to figure out just what you wanted to be. They year of new beginnings for all of us. And now came 1996. The year of kissing high school goodbye, the year of starting over, of molding yourself into the person that you always wanted to be. The last year that we would all spend together. This was the last New Year's Eve that we would all spend in the same place, too. While I was sad, I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.

As Jax kissed me under the New York lights, Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" played overhead. Everyone began singing and dancing for the year that we were about to embark on.

* * *

That next morning, my hangover was my crutch. It was the one thing preventing me from getting out of bed.

"Wake up, sleepy head," I heard Brantli tell me, as she waved a cup of coffee and two aspirin in my face. "Come on, it's our last day in New York! Are you ready to go sight see?"

"No, I'm ready to sleep some more," I told her, not moving an inch.

"You can't sleep. Come on. We have a huge day ahead."

"What're we doing?" I asked her.

She just smiled. "It's a surprise. Come on. Dress warm. We are heading down to the lobby in ten so get your ass out of bed," she opened up the blinds and threw the cover off of me as I sat up.

"You know I hate surprises."

"Yeah, but you'll love this one," she replied.


	33. Chapter 33

_**January, 1996**_

We started our tourist esque day off with breakfast. Instead of going to a nearby restaurant we grabbed coffee and donuts from a stand and made our way to Tiffany and Co. Breakfast at Tiffany's.

"I stole your bucket list." she laughed. That was on there. One of the top things on there, actually.

"You're awful," I chuckled. It had finally stopped snowing, and as we ate our food, I wanted so bad to just go inside and look around. It was closed for New Year's Day, so I was stuck sitting out here. "This is pretty cool though."

"Thought you might see it that way," she replied. The guys had decided to go off and explore Times Square. They said they had to get something taken care of, and my first thought was club shit. But Brantli had told me many of times how it wasn't. Something was up. I just didn't know what.

We walked the breakfast off with a stroll in Central Park among the snow covered trees. The guys finally met up with us after several minutes passed by. It was so good to see Jax, especially because of how bad I was hurting inside. I guess yesterday I was so caught up in the commotion that I didn't get to really be sad about the two year anniversary of Colton's death. It was hitting me alot worse today.

We decided to go and explore. We saw the Chrysler Building and the World Trade Center. Wall-Street. NBC studios. We passed by nearby shops and stopped in, buying things that we knew we didn't need. We passed Sak's on Fifth Avenue and just stared at the elegant Christmas displays that were still up. We went to Madame Tussah's wax museum and posed with some of the celebrities. We saw the Ripley's Believe it or Not museum and got completley grossed out. We saw everything that we longed to do since we came here.

"Ellis Island is next," she smiled.

_I've never taken you to Ellis Island, Aurora and Harley but maybe I should have. It truly is a humbling experience and one that I wish the both of you to go to. Maybe your father or Aunt Brantli will take you one day. You're looking out over the Atlantic Ocean to this spot that people have came to for generations and you see how hard of a trip it was and the struggle that it took them to build a life here._

We made our way inside to where the record database's were kept. I knew that I was German and Irish with a little bit of Sweedish in my blood.

I found my great-grandma and grandpa's records and was taken aback. Jax found out that he wasn't only Irish, but he was Romanian, too from Gemma's side. Brantli learned that she was Italian, and Opie learned that he was Polish in addition to being Irish. I couldn't help but stare at them for a long time. I never met my great-grandparents. They had come over from Germany in 1905 and made a living in the oil fields and dabbled a little in the agricultural field.

"This is pretty awesome, isn't it?" I asked Jax. He didn't seem too pleased by it.

"All because two people fell in love," was the answer that he had given to me. "We're all here because two people fell in love."

After our long trip to Ellis Island, we decided that we wanted to be a little adventurous. Brantli had suggested we go to Niagara Falls. It was way too cold for that shit.

"Come on, it'll be fun. It's unlike anything that you'll ever experience. I promise."

Brantli had strung us along to the Maid of the Mist tour. It was really something that I would never experience. We went under the falls, too. It was truly beautiful.

"Aubrey," Jax told me as he cleared his throat. This was perfect. It was nice and romantic. If he was going to propose, he might as well do it now while it's freezing outside.

"Yes?" I asked him. This was it. I knew it was it as soon as he got down on one knee.

"Sorry, I had to tie my shoe," he said, standing up and giving me a wayward smile.

"What were you going to ask me?" I asked him.

"Oh. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to dinner with me after this," he said.

I gulped, swallowing every last breath in me. "Yeah, sure. That sounds good."

We went on a quick tour of the Statue of Liberty after that. I even saw a guy propose to his girlfriend when we made it up to the crown. Lucky bitch.

* * *

We were freezing by the time we went back to the hotel room. Brantli and Opie were just going to pack their bags for our flight tomorrow morning and enjoy a nice, quiet evening. Jax and I on the other hand had plans. And I was excited. We hadn't spent one romantic moment to ourselves since we got here and I was ready for it.

We settled on going to this really nice bistro and had a couple of bowls of soup to warm us up. We talked diligently over glasses of wine, before Jax told me we were going to the planetarium. I was kind of confused, especially coming from the guy that slept through our entire astronomy class last year.

"Why?" I asked, as we made our way into the cab.

"Because. Why do you always have to ask questions?"

"I'm nosy?" I told him.

We pulled in front of the place after sitting in traffic for a good half an hour. I was so sleepy. I knew as soon as I got into the dark room, I was going to shut my eyes and fall asleep. The security guard led us in there, and we had the place completely to ourselves. It was beautiful. There were rose petals on all of the seats and candles everywhere.

"How did you do all of this?" I asked him, fighting back tears.

He shrugged. "It pays to know people, I guess."

"But you don't know..."

"Would you just relax?" he laughed.

As we took our seats in one of the middle sections, the rotator for the sky began to start. I was in awe and also a little confused as to why I was here. When the audio recording stopped, I saw Jax get up and turn on the radio. The song "Keeper of the Stars" began to play.

"Real romantic," I chuckled.

"Hey, I know you love this. You played it non-stop when it first came out," he chuckled. "I also thought it fit because of the stars."

"You're corny," I relied, giving him a simple shove.

"I know," he said, wrapping his arm around me. "Do you know the story of the constellation Andromeda? She was often nicknamed the princess."

"Kind of," I replied.

"It's about this princess, whose mom bragged that she was more beautiful than Juno, the queen of all of the Gods. Then to pay for the insult, her father sent her away and had her chained to this rock thing to re-pay for all of their sins. Perseus came by and saw the princess and he mistook her for a statue. Her beauty was beyond compare. He fell in love instantly. Perseus told her parents that he would kill the monster if they gave him her hand in marriage."

"Okay," I smiled. I wasn't sure how any of this related to anything involving stars. But, knowing Jax I'm sure it probably did. "How does that relate to anything?"

"Well," he said, as we sat up from our reclining chairs. "Well, when we met we were both young. We were naive, we were foolish. We became best friends instantly. I fell in love with you the first moment that I saw you wearing your Blues Clues shirt and your hair in pig tails. I fell in love with you right then and there and knew for the rest of my life I wanted to be with you. We have had to both fight a lot of monsters in our life. Internally and externally, you know?"

"Mhm," I told him. He held onto my hand. His palms were sweating and his heart was racing. He wasn't his normal self.

"So, I uh. I want to be able to be there for you. To fight all of the monsters that you come across in life. We have already done so much fighting for each other as Aubrey Daniels and Jax Teller."

"Okay," I said, smiling.

He laughed and stood up, and got down on one knee. "Jax" I whispered, my voice sounding coarse.

"I just think we would have a lot better luck fighting these monsters if you became Aubrey Teller. What do you say?" he smiled. He pulled out a small black box and opened it up, as I played with the promise ring that I had worn on my finger for the past three years. Inside laid this gorgeous silver wedding band with a small Princess cut diamond on it. "Aubrey Neveah Daniels, I have never loved a woman like I love you. Will you marry me?"

And I couldn't even say anything to him. My body went into shock. And then all of a sudden, I started crying. And then I started laughing. And then I smiled, and gave him this look. This look of relief, this look of love, this look that I had never given him before. "Yes."

"You will?!" he asked me, as he replaced my old ring with the new one.

"Yes, Jackson. I will marry you."

As he knelt to my level and kissed me, I couldn't help but keep crying. This was the one thing that I had wanted more than life itself since I became a teenager. I couldn't believe it. Mrs. Aubrey Teller. I liked the sound of it.


	34. Chapter 34

_Aurora and Harley,_

_So I guess I could skip the boring stuff and start getting into the great things about senior year. While yes, coming back from New York kind of sucked, I was glad to be back in Charming. The new year had started out good and there was so many great things to look forward to: prom, graduation, our summer road trip, starting Berkley, getting an apartment, and of course my engagement to Jax. We didn't wasn't to get married right away: we figured we would wait just a couple of years for that. I tried my best to hide my ring when I was around most of the adults. We had decided that we would tell them together and didn't want anyone to find out beforehand. Except Brantli of course. She was the first one that I told._

"_I better be your maid-of-honor," she had said on several occasions. She was going to be, girls. Don't worry._

_Everything seemed to be going in the right direction. The newspaper that I was fulfilling my internship at, too wanted me to start going to the news station a couple of times a week to see how it was ran. I had been many of times with my dad and I enjoyed all of the hype and commotion that took place once a huge story broke._

_But, everything would soon turn sour come a mid-February afternoon. That's when everything had decided to go in the opposite direction of how I wanted it to._

* * *

After school on that Tuesday, I wanted nothing more than to head to the office and work on my community service starter guide. I hadn't even thought about starting that yet, but I knew the hours were due soon. My boss was going to kill me when I finally told him about the hours that I had to complete. But, instead of doing that they had asked me to go the news station. And I agreed. Like a dumbass.

Everything was going great. They set me up in the bullpen where all of the stories broke. Most people were acting cold towards me. They were acting like I shouldn't be part of the conversations that were going on and whispering whenever I wasn't looking. As I resumed back to my work, I heard someone's voice boom into the bullpen. And I recognized it right away.

"It sure feels good to be back," I couldn't even look up. I could not stare this person in the face. I felt sick. I couldn't even move. All I could do was stare at my used copy of Animal Farm that I had been tasked to read for school. I knew who it was as soon as he came over to me.

"Aubrey?" I heard him ask, amidst the confusion in his voice.

It was my dad.

What was my father doing back in Charming? Didn't he have a whole other family to attend to in Montana or wherever he was now? He had dismissed his assistant to go grab him a cup of coffee and pulled up on of the spinning chairs next to me.

"Aubrey? Is that really you?" I couldn't even say anything to him.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I replied, keeping my voice to a low tone.

"Aubrey, stop acting like a child," he said.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I ever met," I told him, shifting in my chair. "I'm Aubrey Daniels. And you are?"

"Aubs, please stop,"

"I have nothing to say to you," I told him.

"We need to talk,"

"You came all this way to talk to me?"

He shook his head. "No. Chrissy and I moved here,"

"Congratulations," I replied. "Good timing, too. I'm leaving here in a couple of months,"

"To where?"

"College," I replied, looking at him dumbfoundly.

"Where are you going?"

"Berkley. I got into the honors program,"

"That's wonderful,"

"I guess," I shrugged.

"What are you doing tonight? Maybe you could come over for dinner?"

"I'll pass, but thank you for the offer,"

"You can bring Jax too. If you guys are still dating,"

"We are. We're engaged actually," damnit, Aubrey.

"Wow...congratulations," he told me. "When is the wedding?"

"Sometime next year " I replied, taking a slow sip of my Pepsi, eyes still glued to my book.

"We have a lot of catching up to do, I guess,"

"Yeah, I guess so,"

"So, I'll see you at six?" he asked me.

"Whatever," I replied. Maybe I could bring Jax to this dinner and he could beat the ever loving shit out of my father. That would help, right?

The thing is about Jax and my father is that they always got along. Jax respected him because he was my dad and would always be my dad unfortunately. Sometimes, I wish it was him that was dying in Arizona and not my mother.

"Come on Aubrey. If you do this this one time, it'll all be over and you'll never have to be in contact with him ever again,"

* * *

So I did it. I fixed up my outfit that I had worn to work that afternoon and Jax dressed much more casual. We hooped in my Jeep and made our way to my father's new home. I had only met Chrissy a couple of times. And I knew I didn't like her already. She was 32 to my dad's 59 and I thought that was disgusting. He didn't look a day over 35 though. In my family, we had a habit of aging really well.

When my father answered the door of his townhouse, I was a bit shocked to see the sight. He held what appeared to be a two year old girl. "Hi guys," he smiled at us.

"Mia, can you say hi to your sissy?" he asked her. She rubbed her little green eyes and just smiled at me. "Sorry, she's normally really talkative. She just woke up from a nap. Come in, please," he told us. I didn't even want to go into the house. The whole thing just disgusted me. There were toys all over the living room floor, the house smelt like burnt chicken. I didn't want to be here and Jax could tell how uncomfortable I was as I took a seat on the olive green couch. "Make yourselves at home. Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"I'm good," Jax replied, resting his hand on my knee.

"Same," I replied. "Where's Chrissy?"

"She's in the kitchen cooking. You can go in and say hello to her, you know. She is your step-mom,"

I cringed at those words that flowed so naturally out of my dad's mouth. I cringed a lot more when I saw their wedding photo on the wall of the dining room.

"Lakers fan?" my dad asked Jax as he flipped the television over to the game.

"Sure," Jax replied, smiling.

I made my way into the kitchen a couple of seconds later. And boy, was this a sight. My father's wife was beautiful. She was tall, she had this gorgeous head of black hair, and these beautiful blue-grey eyes. And, she was pregnant. Did you not have any other habits, dad?

"Hi," I told her, upon my arrival. She turned around and set down the mixer that she was using to mix what looked like mashed potatoes.

"Hi honey," she squealed to me. "It's so good to finally meet you,"

"Likewise," I replied, as she made her way over to give me a hug.

"I hope you're hungry,"

"Always," I chuckled. And then I had to ask the obvious. "How far along are you?"

"Six months," she told me, wiping her hands on her ivory apron. "We're having a boy,"

"Congrats," I told her.

"Help yourself to anything in the fridge," she chuckled, returning back to her potatoes.

"Thanks," I said, grabbing Jax and I bottles of water.

"Dinner should be ready in about a half an hour. I know your dad wanted to spend a little bit of time with you before dinner. Why don't you go into the living room with him?" she suggested. It sounded more like an order and I didn't want to do it, but I did. I proceeded into the living room and joined Jax back on the couch. Mia sat on the floor and played away with her building blocks.

I handed him the water, in which he replied thank you. "She looks like a little mini you,"

"I guess," I replied. She really did. She had the same eyes, same nose. Same hair color. She looked more like my niece Abby than anyone.

We sat in utter silence, except for the occasional grunts and groans from my father. I was so thankful when Chrissy had finally called us for dinner. Not only was I starving, I was ready to get this damn thing over with. How do you catch someone up on three years of a life that they walked out on. My father started off the dinner by saying grace and then we began to pass all of the dishes around, dysfunctional family style.

"So, Aubrey your father told me that you're going to Berkley. That's amazing. It's my alma mater so it's good to know my step-daughter is going to the same college that I attended,"

"Yeah, it's a great school. I'm going for communications,"

"Fantastic," my dad replied, and Mia imitated him. "What about you, Jax?"

"Berkley," he smiled. And I knew he was lying. He was wait-listed for the school but it didn't matter much to him. He would be going either way now.

"Aw! That's so cute. Dennis isn't that so cute?"

No it wasn't cute. But do you know what is cute, slut that ruined my family? The fact that you're YOUNGER than your step-son by about three years.

"It is," he replied, passing the salad towards Jax. "What else is new? Jax, how are Gemma and JT?"

Oh. My. God. No one told my dad that JT passed away...this all just became awkward. Jax cleared his throat. "My dad passed away a couple of years ago. November of 1993,"

"Jackson, I am so sorry," he said, placing his napkin on his lap. "My god what happened?"

"Motorcycle accident,"

"Wow. I'm speechless," he said. Chrissy gave him this look of concern.

"It's okay, honestly. My mom re-married. Her and Clay wed back in December," Jax replied.

"Wow, that's great. I'm very happy for the both of them,"

"They seem happy," Jax shrugged.

"Great," my dad replied.

We ate in silence for a couple of moments and then a rage set over me. Was he not going to ask how my mother was doing?

"You're not curious about mom?"

"A little. I didn't want to bring it up," he replied.

"Well, she's dying dad. She has cancer,"

"What?" he asked me, his face turning white. "What do you mean, Aubrey?"

"She has cancer. They thought they caught it in time. She went through chemo and she was fine and it came back last year. She's not doing well at all,"

"Aubrey, I am...God. I had no idea,"

"Because you were so consumed with your new life here," I told him. "You just stopped caring about the first family that you created. You do remember that you have grandchildren, right? You do remember that you have a son and a daughter that wanted nothing more than to be a part of your life, right? You left us, dad,"

"I know. I'm trying to make everything okay again," he replied.

"Moving back doesn't fix that. It doesn't fix that you just walked out when things got tough," I replied. "You're a coward. You wanted to just run away from your problems,"

"Are you still doing that too?" he asked me. "Are you still running away from yours?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, slamming my fork down on the table.

"Why aren't you in Arizona with your mother?"

"Why aren't you?! Why aren't you down there with her? Why didn't you go with, dad?!"

"I think you're being irrational,"

"You haven't been in my life for the past few years. You can't go around accusing me of not being involved with my mother,"

"When's the last time you went down to Arizona?"

"Last October," I told him.

"It's February. Why haven't you gone yet this year?"

"Because, dad! I'm in school. I have a life here. Mom wanted me to move back here. Mom wanted me to have a normal life again. I've been trying everything to get it back to normal," I sighed, and placed my hand on my forehead. "I knew this was a horrible idea," I said, standing up and throwing my napkin down on my plate. "Jax, come on. Let's get out of here,"

"Aubrey," my dad replied.

"Thank you for dinner," I told them, directing the statement more-so at Chrissy than my father.

"Anytime sweetie," she nodded at me. I knew she wouldn't say anything else. It wasn't her place.

Jax shook his hand, I grabbed my purse and we made our way out of his house.

"Aubrey, I don't think you handled that very well,"

"Don't tell me how to handle my family shit," I replied.

"I think you should call your mom and go see her," he started. "Spring break is coming up. I think that'll be nice for you to go down there,"

"Why? So I can watch her die before my eyes," I sighed heavily as we piled into my Jeep. Jax started it up, and made our way down the winding street.

"Do you wanna just drive around for awhile?" he asked me.

"No, I want to go back to Braison's," I told him.

"Okay," he sighed.

"Why, is that what you wanted to do?"

"No, I just had a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about,"

"Like?"

"Never mind, just forget it,"

"No, Jax. Just tell me," I replied.

"I'll just take you home. You wouldn't understand anyway,"

Jax had been wanting to tell me something for a couple of months now. What could be so important that he needed to tell me? He had already proposed, we had already began to talk about prom and this summer. What else was there left to say?

* * *

That night when I got back to Braison's, I grabbed the phone and called my mom's landline.

"Hey, Aubs. Your mom's sleeping right now," I heard Jeremy's sweet southern voice on the other end of the line.

"Can you just tell her to give me a call when she wakes up, please?"

"Yeah, absolutely. Has doctor Sing called you lately?"

"No, why? Was he supposed to?"

"I'll give you his number to give him a call," he replied. When he gave me the number, I hung up from our conversation almost immediately. I dialed the number, my hands trembling.

"Hello?" I heard him ask me.

"Hi, Dr. Sing?"

"Yes?" he replied.

"It's Aubrey Daniels, Sarah's daughter," I told him.

"Oh, hi Aubrey. How are you tonight?"

"I've been better," I laughed. "How are you?"

"Good, good,"

"Jeremy, my moms sponsor asked me to give you a call,"

"Oh, okay. Did he update you on what's going on?"

"No, he didn't," I told him.

I could hear him sigh on the other line. "Aubrey, your mom has gotten worse. Her body stopped responding to treatment,"

I could feel my heart sink into my butt. "What?"

"She only has about three more months to live," he told me. "I am so sorry," as he detailed the condition that she was in and how she would just start shutting down after awhile, I could only listen in horror. My mom, the woman that had brought me into the world would soon be leaving it. I couldn't handle all of this today.

As our conversation ended, I could hear my other line begin to buzz. I transferred it over, and it was my mom. Thank god.

"Hi honey," I heard her said, her voice much more coarse than it had ever been.

"Hi mom," I replied.

"Aubrey, listen to me. I love you so much,"

"I love you too,"

"I've only got a little bit of time left," she started. "And I haven't asked for much in my life. But I want to come home,"

I guess we would be going to Arizona a lot earlier than anticipated. My mom wanted to come home to die. And I had to honor that for her. I was going to honor that for her.

* * *

**A/N: So sorry for the delay in a new chapter. I went to go see John Mellencamp with my mom last night (it was awesome!) so I spent the better half of the morning sleeping. Hope to have a couple more chapters up by today at least. Thanks for all of the love, you guys! It means a lot.**


	35. Chapter 35

There were just a couple more things that I needed to do before heading down to Arizona. After talking to Dr. Sing more intensively about my mom's current state of health and the procedures for bringing her back to Charming, I needed to get a head start on all of my community service. It's not that I didn't want to do it. It's that I had way more important things to worry about right now.

I had decided to do my community service at St. Thomas hospital. They had asked if I wanted to help out with some of their counseling and meetings, so I did. Most of the time, they were about grief. Kids my age and younger would come in and I would help them do different arts and crafts activities while their parents spoke with a counselor. They would talk to me about the recent loss in their family, and all I could do was sit there and cut out shapes from the colorful construction paper. One of my favorite kids that I worked with were James and Avery whom were brother and sister. They had to only be about two years apart, and they had just lost their mother. Their father and older sister were participating in counseling.

"My mommy went to heaven," Avery had told me while we were coloring pictures out of a Princess book. "That's why we're here,"

"I'm sorry honey," I had told her.

"It's okay. Daddy told me that mommy was sick and an angel came and took her up to heaven. She's with Jesus now,"

I wish death could be that simple. I wish it was only the fact that they went to heaven and that they were safe and sound now. But it wasn't.

"What do you think heaven is like?"

"Heaven is a beautiful place," she gushed. "It's full of everyone that loves you there waiting for you and pretty flowers and all of these angels singing you home. I can't wait to go visit her one day,"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that she couldn't go and visit her mom. I just could not tell her that it didn't work out like that.

"What about you, James? What do you think heaven is like?"

"Beautiful, just like my mommy,"

I had grown up around kids my entire life, but these kids were truly an inspiration. A five and six year old were handling their mom's death better than I was going to.

* * *

A day before Jackson, Brantli, Braison, and myself were set to go to Arizona to bring my mom back to Charming, we had a bit of fun at the clubhouse. I know that nothing going on now was a fun manner, but Opie had suggested that we do something to take our minds off of everything. We had agreed to go, but end it early since we had a morning flight scheduled around 8am.

"So, I did a lot more thinking about this summer," Opie said as we lit a blunt that night.

"Oh boy," I laughed. "Opie and thinking. Two things that didn't really belong in the same sentence.

"You guys are dicks," he replied, then laughed passing the blunt in Brantli's direction. "I think we should definitely do that road trip this summer,"

We hadn't talked about it since we were in New York, although I did think about it quite often. "Op, that's a lot of money. Money we don't have,"

"That's true. But, I think we'll be okay," he replied. Club shit. I knew it. They had been going on a lot more missions and meets and getting paid for it. I wasn't shocked, but it definitely didn't help that we were going to use it for the trip. I feel like he had a lot of pressure from Brantli to say this stuff. "So, everyone write down on a piece of paper what cities they want to go to and we'll post them up on the dart board. We'll pick four a piece and take two turns and see what cities we'll be going to,"

I saw Jax shrug out of the corner of my eye. "There's paper and pens in the top drawer," he said, taking a hit of the blunt as it came his way.

Opie got up and grabbed a sheet of paper and broke it off into little sections for us. We each grabbed a pen and began to scribble. I didn't even know what cities to pick. Nashville, Myrtle Beach, Orange Beach, and Talladega. I had no idea what else to pick. I felt like those might be okay. When we place the pieces of paper up on the dartboard, Jax handed Brantli two darts first. She closed her eyes, which was probably not safe but pretty effective. There were a lot of duplicates on the list, and I was oddly okay with that.

As she threw the dart, it missed the first couple of times of course. On her third try, she threw it right at Orange Beach, Alabama and Nashville, Tennesee. I had thrown mine at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and Las Vegas, Nevada. Jax ended up with Memphis, Tennessee and Austin, Texas. Opie threw his at Cape Cod, Maryland and New Orleans, Lousianna. That was a huge stretch of cities for us to cover, and we needed to make up a plan. That wasn't going to happen tonight though. Planning shit would be too tough to do right now and we still had a couple of months to act on everything.

"I'm so ready for summer!" Brantli yelled. And, I'd have to admit so was I. I was so ready to get out of Charming for something good for once. I was sick of people dying.

* * *

The fly down to Arizona kind of sucked. I forgot how dry the air was when we landed, and Jeremy had offered to meet up with us. When we gave hugs and I introduced him to everyone, all he could do was look at us somberly. He had been with my mom for the past three years on a day to day basis, so I knew it was going to be a tough goodbye for him.

When we arrived at my mom's condo, it was bare. The furniture and pictures that once filled the place was gone, and my mom just sat up in the bed that didn't have sheets on it. She looked awful. Nothing about the woman that sat in front of me resembled my mother. She had lost all of her hair, her face and body had began to get skinnier, and her skin looked much more pale.

"Baby girl," she told me, as soon as she saw me. "Look at you. Look at how beautiful you are," she said, taking a good look at me. I hadn't changed much. When I lived in Arizona my hair was a lot shorter and a lot darker. I had began to let it fade into my natural color these past few years and it fell well past my chest now.

"Hi mamma," I heard Braison tell her as he stepped beside me.

"My boy," she smiled, as she embraced him in a huge hug. For someone that never cried, it was odd to see Braison shed a tear.

"Hey mamma Sarah," Brantli told her, as she and Jax made her way into the room. She had embraced both of them in a huge hug.

"I'm a mess, I'm so sorry guys,"

"You're not a mess," I told her, trying to fight back my own tears. "You look beautiful,"

We didn't have a whole lot of time to waste. We knew it was going to be a long seven hour drive up to Charming. We couldn't fly because my mom was now hooked up to a rolling oxygen tank similar to Opie's dad's. Braison had rented a U-Haul truck for us that he and Jax would drive back and Brantli, my mother, and myself would be riding in my mom's Cavalier. There wasn't much to take back, just a lot of clothes, medical equipment, and other things that she had acquired down here. Once the U-Haul was packed up and we ate a small brunch, the goodbye to Jeremy became painful for her.

"You will go on to do amazing things, Jer. I can't tell you how thankful I am for your help these past years,"

He, too was fighting back tears. "I love you, Sarah. You have grown so much since the day I first met you. You have turned into an amazing woman and mother," he smiled at us. "Aubrey will take good care of you. Braison, too. I know they will,"

She had given him one last hug. This was the final time that they would embrace, ever and I could tell that they were both hurting. When it came my turn for the goodbye, all I could tell him was "go scream at the top of your lungs at the tippy top of the Grand Canyon. Someone wise once told me that that helped,"

* * *

It took days to get settled back in Charming. Braison had opened up his house to my mother like any good son would, and before long she was settled in a bed in one of their spare rooms. Abby and Paisley loved having her around. Abby had grown quite found of the grandmother that she never knew. My mom would even sit up at night and take turns reading "Goodnight, Moon" to her with me. Abby had asked why grandma had come back into her life, and I told her because she wanted to see her before going away again. "But I love her. I don't want her to go away," the other morning, I even woke up to her sleeping at the foot of my mom's bed with her mounds of stuffed animals. My mom had been awake for hours, and she was looking out of the window when I came in.

"Morning," I told her, trying to keep my voice to a whisper.

"Morning baby," she told me.

"How long has she been like this?" I asked her.

"Since about ten last night. I couldn't tell her no. She told me that she was going to stay in here to try to stop me from going away again," she chuckled. "She's something, I tell you,"

"I was the same way," I chuckled.

"Yes you were," my mom replied. "You spent many of nights in my bed after a bad dream. I think you made those up sometimes,"

"That's because I did," I laughed, taking a seat on the chair next to her.

"I'm not scared, baby," my mom told me after a few long moments of silence. "Of dying, I mean. Sometimes, you know when it's your time to go,"

"I know you're not," I replied. "You've never been scared of anything,"

"But you are. You're scared of not being with me anymore,"

"I'm terrified," I breathed, letting a small tear creep down my cheek. "My biggest fear in the world is losing you," while my mom hadn't been the best mother, she had been a good one. She had been there for me through a lot of my childhood, and taught me things that I don't think anyone else could have.

"Baby, you are never going to lose me. I love you too much. I'm going to be here with you, always," she replied. "I'm excited to go see Colton,"

"I bet you are," I said, letting out a small chuckle.

"I made peace with your father, baby. I wanted to make sure all of my demons down here were met before heading up to heaven,"

"Did you really?" I asked her.

"He seems a lot happier now, honey. He seems invincible. He seems to be leading a great life," she brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes, and wiped the newly formed tears from my cheeks. "Aubrey, I have enjoyed being your mother for the past seventeen years,"

I got up from my chair, and held onto her tight. "I've really enjoyed being your daughter," I said, as my sobs began to get louder. I could see Abby get up, and without hesitation she began to hug my mom, too. She saw both of us crying and joined in. Three generations of Daniels/Springsteen's, all not ready to accept the fact that it would only be two of us from now on.

* * *

The days began to get longer. There were some days when I would call off from the station, and just hope to god they wouldn't fire me. I would go to school and then come home immediately. Jax had joined me a lot, and sometimes Op and Brantli would tag along, too. Afternoons were when my mom wouldn't seem as sick as she actually was. She would get so excited to have all of us gathered around her laughing, smiling, and playing an intense game of cards. She had even participated in a tea party with Abby, because she knew she would never get to do that again. Alyssa would get home and talk with her, and sometimes I would find Braison just crying at the opening of her door, crying as she slept. There were a lot of restless nights around here and I would wake up five or six times a night just to check on her.

On one of my restless nights, I woke up around 2am. My mind was wandering, and Jax had even followed me into the kitchen.

"What're you doing?" he asked me.

"I'm writing my mom a letter," I told him. "A goodbye letter,"

He took a seat at the dining room table across from me. "Aubrey, we should get married,"

"What?" I asked him.

"We should get married so that your mom can be there to see it,"


	36. Chapter 36

_Aurora and Harley,_

_There were only a few occasions that I believed in teen weddings. The first, of course was if your significant other was pregnant and you were trying to "do the right thing" and marry her (girls, your mom is old. We did this a lot back then. We knew this was what happened!) The second was of course, in situations such as this. I wanted so bad to marry your father in this elegant, elaborate ceremony on some beach far away from here. But, that's not how things ended up happening, of course._

The day after Jax had told me what he wanted to do, I couldn't agree more. Colton wasn't going to be here to see me marry the man of my dreams but I knew that I couldn't not have my mother there on my wedding day either.

I didn't turn eighteen until July, so I of course needed parental consent to marry Jax. He was eighteen, and while he didn't need the consent we still needed to talk to Gemma about it. We had really caught her off-guard when we told her about our plan the following afternoon.

"Mom, we need to talk to you about something."

"Oh god," she said, setting down her lighter with a force as we joined her at the dining room table.

"Mom, Aubrey and I have something to tell you," he started. "And I know you're not going to be happy, but this is what we want."

"Shit, Jax! How many times have I told you to use protection?! You got her pregnant?!"

Why did Gemma always have to assume the worst out of the situation? "No! No, God no," I laughed.

"Way off, mom. Just listen," he told her.

"Well, then what is it?"

He grabbed onto my hand, as I fished through the pocket of my jeans for my engagement ring. I placed it on my finger, and she gasped. "Mom, Aubrey and I are getting married."

"What?" she asked, saying those words through her teeth. "When?"

"See, that's the thing, Gemma," I told her. "My mom doesn't have much longer on this earth. And we were going to wait to have the ceremony, but we want Sarah to be there to see it."

Gemma sighed, and took a long drag off of her cigarette. "So, what? Are you asking for my blessing?"

"Yes," I told her.

"You don't have it," she pierced back.

"Mom!" Jax exclaimed.

"I don't want to hear it. Aubrey is not old enough to get married, and you guys are still in high school for god's sake! You shouldn't be picking out a wedding dress, you should be going and shopping for prom dresses! Where would you even live? Sure as hell not by Berkley. People are going to talk. They're going to think you're pregnant."

"Let them talk!" I replied to her. I was pissed. Gemma obviously wasn't going anywhere. Why should I not be allowed to have my mom see me get married. "Gemma, we are in love. We want to get married and not have to worry about anything else."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you," she replied.

"Well I don't care what you want, mom. We're getting married on Saturday and that's final. It's at the courthouse downtown at 2pm," Jax said, as he stood up.

"Jackson,"

"If you don't want to come to my wedding, then that's fine. I don't want you to feel obligated to go."

"Jackson Nathaniel!"

"I'll come get my stuff tomorrow. I'll be crashing at Braison's with Aubrey until further notice," he said.

"Like hell you will be!"

As Clay stormed downstairs to the yelling, he was in complete shock. "What's this about a wedding?"

"The kids want to get married, Clay! Tell them it's a bad idea, please!" Gemma begged.

"Jackson, Aubrey."

"You are not my father," Jax said, as the words cut through the air like a knife. "You don't know how much this girl has been through these past few years. What we've been through. I know you adopted me and whatever, but I'm eighteen. You don't dictate to me what I can and cannot do and who I should marry," I never thought I would see Jax back-talk Clay like that.

"Well, then I guess we really don't have a say in it, do we?" Clay asked.

"I guess not," Jax replied, as he grabbed my hand and slammed his way out of the living room. We made our way to Jax's Harley, and he handed me a helmet as we hopped on. I knew he didn't want to talk about the conversation that just went on as he revved his bike. When we made it back to my brother's, he kissed me on the lips and said "Well, what do you want to do now?"

"I mean, I guess we should tell my mom," I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess so," he replied.

"Maybe Braison."

"Of course," he chuckled. "Anything for my blushing bride."

Bride. I was getting married in three days. Three. Days. I couldn't quite grasp it. There was so much that we still needed to do!

* * *

My mom took the news a lot better than Gemma had. Her blessing was the only one that I truly cared about, especially because I needed her consent with moving forward.

"You're doing what?" she had asked me softly when we told her the situation.

"I'm getting married."

"How long have you been engaged for?"

"A couple of months," I chuckled.

"You never told me."

"I wanted to wait for the right time, mom. We were going to wait until we were a lot older, but with you not having much time left..."

"You didn't have to do this for me," she smiled. I knew she was weak, and probably couldn't make it to the courthouse. But I knew none of that was going to stop her. "I don't want you guys to have to change plans around because of me."

"Mom, I want you to be there. I don't want you to be watching me from heaven. I want my mom right next to me on my wedding day."

Brantli, too took it really well. We had decided to tell her and Opie together, and they just gushed the entire time. They were going to be our main witnesses and we needed to make sure that they were okay with everything.

"Of course! I think it's a great idea!" Brantli said. She didn't say much else, and Op was pretty happy for us too. I think I even heard him say "finally" under his breath. But Jax and I were feeling the same way. Finally. We might not know where to go from here once we got married, but damnit if we weren't going to be happy.

* * *

"Braison, Alyssa," they were the last people that we needed to tell. Jax had told the guys at the clubhouse and there were already talks of having an after party that night for us. I didn't want anyone to make a huge deal out of it. I just wanted to sign the paper and just move on with our day as normal. But, that's not how things worked in the world of SAMCRO.

"What's up, buttercup?" Braison asked me, as I took a seat at the table.

"I have to talk to you guys about something."

"Good or bad?" Alyssa asked.

"Depends on how you take it," I replied. I took a deep breath before I started. "Jax and I are getting married on Saturday."

"You're what?"

"We're getting married at the courthouse. We want mom to be able to see it."

Alyssa placed both of her hands over her mouth and looked at my brother. "No way."

"What? Bad idea?" I could take their bad words way more than I could take Gemma's.

"Mom's not going to be able to make that trip, honey. She's too sick."

"I just want mom there! I don't care where we have it."

"We'll have it here," Alyssa suggested. "We could make the backyard look really nice."

"Are you sure? That's a lot of work."

"It's still light outside. We can go shopping and stuff! It'll be so much fun. We'll go and get flowers and decorations."

"Where are you guys going to live?"

"That's another thing. We'll be going away to college soon anyway, so I thought..."

"Yes," Braison said, before he even knew what was coming out of my mouth.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Jax can take up residence in the other spare room."

I couldn't even complain and rant about how we were married and how we have had sex many, many times. They were offering both of us a chance to start our lives together.

"There's just one more question," I told him, grinning ear to ear.

"What?" he asked, giving me that same, stupid grin.

"Well, since we are having a realish wedding now, I'm going to need someone to walk me down the aisle and give me away. Braison, would you be the best big brother in the world and do that for me please?


	37. Chapter 37

Saturday, March 23rd, 1993 would be the date that would forever stick out in my head and be embedded on my heart. It was the day that I would finally be marrying my best friend. Anyone that knows me knows that I have been wanting to do this my entire life. And the commotion that added to the day only made me want to get married more. Alyssa had woken me up early to finish up decorating outside. And when Jax walked outside, I had to turn my back to him.

"Hey, it's bad luck to see the bride on her wedding day," I told him, as he made his way over to me and wrapped me in his arms.

"We already saw each other this morning," he laughed, thinking back to the long morning that we had spent in my bed, our bodies bare under the sheets. "Plus, you're not in your dress yet."

"When are you and Opie heading to the clubhouse to get ready?"

"In a little bit. We have to go run some errands first."

"Club stuff on our wedding day?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"It won't take long," he smiled.

"You better be back here by 5. That's all I have to say," I replied.

"I will be, baby. I promise. I'm not going to miss our wedding," he kissed me softly on the lips. "I'll see you later, Daniels."

"I won't be Daniels for long. What are you going to call me then?"

"My wife," he smiled.

* * *

Getting ready that afternoon was tough. Brantli and Alyssa were pulling and tugging at my hair and face, making sure every last curl fell into place and every last bit of my face was covered in makeup. I had decided to go with a simple little white dress. It was very plain, yet elegant. The scoop neckline showed off my tan and just enough upper body skin. As it fell just above my knees, I had regretted wearing one this short. It was beautiful, especially when paired with my little pearl earrings. My hair was freshly dyed brunette with an array of caramel and blonde highlights peaking out. I wore a pair of adorable coral heels that matched Brantli and Alyssa's dresses perfectly. They had went with high-low strapless ones and ivory heels, both wearing their hair up.

"You look beautiful," my sister in law told me. "Your earrings are your something new," she started.

"You can borrow my pearls," my mom replied, eavesdropping on our conversation from her room. "They're in my jewlery box. Do you have your something blue?" she asked me.

"No, I don't," I told her, making my way into the room across from mine.

"No one pays attention to that stuff anyway," she smiled. "You look beautiful, honey."

"You don't think it's too short?" I asked her.

"No, I don't. I promise," my mom had done her best to wear a sundress that had a couple of coral flowers in it, but she was freezing so we decided to pair it with a cardigan. When she still was cold, we let her borrow my leather jacket. It was a good look for her. She looked radiant as always.

"Do you have your something old?!" Alyssa asked me, rummaging through my jewelry box. "Do you not own any pieces of jewelry?"

I laughed. "Mom I'll be right back," I told her.

"I have something that you could use," I heard a woman's voice say. I peaked my head out of the door and saw Gemma standing there in a really nice lavender dress.

"Hi Gemma," I told her, breathing deeply. The sick feeling that I had this morning had come back to haunt me.

"Aubrey, you look nice."

"Thank you," I replied.

"Anyway, I have these for you," she said, placing a small baggie in my hands. "They were mine and JT's wedding bands. I was saving them for Jax and you when you guys finally tied the knot. Just didn't know it would be this soon,"

"Gemma, I don't want to argue with you. This is my wedding day," I told her. "But thank you. I'm sure Jax will really love these."

"I want to stay. I want to see my son get married whether you like it or not."

"I never told you that you couldn't. I would love for you and Clay to be a part of this."

"What do you need my help with?" she asked.

"Go talk to my mom. She's been wondering where you were," I replied, leading her into the small bedroom.

As she took a seat on the bed, the two began rambling on like old times. We applied the finishing touches to my hair and makeup before Braison interrupted our conversation. "Fifteen minutes," he warned.

"And Jax is here, right?" I re-assured my wandering mind.

"Yes, Hun. He's outside waiting for you," he smiled. "I'm going to take mom outside and get her situated. Ill be back, I promise," he said, as he made his way into my mom's room. I could feel my palms start to sweat, as I began to pace around my room.

"You guys ready?" he asked me. And with a deep sigh and a smile, I managed to choke out "Yes."

Because we weren't having the wedding in a church, I didn't want to walk down the aisle to the bridal march. I couldn't even think of a song to walk down the aisle to, so Brantli suggested that we maybe do something non-country. But, when it came down to it the song I found fit everything perfectly. It was Keith Whitley's _"When You Say Nothing at All"_ and Jax had no idea that it would play. This was one of my mom's favorite songs ever, too. The first two to walk down from the steps of the deck were my niece and nephew, who were once again the ring bearer and flower girl. We had of course lined the yard with little white lawn chairs and a white piece of silk as the runner. They were the only kids that I knew willing to get dressed up again. Next came Alyssa, whom walked down with Chibs and following that were Brantli and Opie. Lastly, was Braison and I. "Little sister is finally getting married. You look gorgeous," he told me. "I wish you both nothing but the best," and as we made our way down the steps, all eyes were on me. Including Jax, who stood up at the alter next to Bobby. He had to put his hand over his mouth, and the tears in his eyes were some that didn't come often. With every step, I fell even more in love with him. He stood up there, shaking in his slacks and black button up tshirt, with his little coral tie and just cried. Seeing him cry under the arch covered in flowers and twinkling Christmas lights made me cry, too. As Braison gave me away to him and we stood in front of Bobby, he took his spot next to Opie in the grass.

"Friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness the coming together of this man, Jackson Nathaniel Teller and this woman, Aubrey Neveah Daniels in holy matrimony. I have watched the both of them grow up before my eyes, and I truly am honored to be the one marrying these two today. You guys are in for a hell of a ride, and I couldn't be happier for either one of you," he smiled. "They chose to keep their vows traditional, so I did want to start by saying this to the both of you. It's a quote that Jax's father would always live by. May you never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. If you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away," he said, smiling at the both of us. He cleared his throat, before looking out into the fifteen or so people in my brother's backyard. "Please face each other," Bobby told us. We shifted our bodies so that our crying, sloppy faces were now parallel with one another. As he held my hand, Jax said "At least I'm not the only one crying," and wiped the excess tears off of his eyes. I was thanking God that my mascara was waterproof at this moment. I handed my bouquet off to Brantli, and she graciously accepted it.

"Do you, Aubrey Nevaeh Daniels take Jackson Nathaniel Teller to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward; until death do you part?"

"I do," I replied, smiling at him.

"And do you, Jackson Nathaniel Teller take Aubrey Nevaeh Daniels to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward; until death do you part?"

"I do," he choked out, smiling wide at me.

"What else, Jackie Boy?" Chibs asked him.

"Yeah, Jackson. What else?" Bobby asked, laughing. I knew what was going to happen. Do. Not. Say. It. I was begging on the inside. My mother wasn't just going to have a cow, she was going to have the whole barn.

"And Aubrey," he started, his tears turning into laughter. "Baby, I promise to treat you as good as my leather and ride you as much as my Harley."

I looked out at my mom, who at this point was laughing. All of the guys were raising their fists in the air, and Gemma looked pretty happy, too. I had no words, I could only laugh.

"Can I have the rings, please?" Bobby asked once the interruptions from the peanut gallery had died down. Paisley handed Opie the rings who in turn handed them off to Bobby. He placed Jax's silver band in my hand and placed my silver wedding band in his.

"Where did you get these?" he asked, completely blown away.

"Gemma," I replied, looking out at my mother in law. That's something to get used to...

"Aubrey, repeat after me. With this ring, I take you with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you with my faults and strengths. I will love you forevermore from this moment on."

I repeated what he had told me to, and slid the ring on Jax's sweaty hand. Jax repeated the same phrase, as we locked eyes once again. In his eyes, I could see him. Seven, then ten, fourteen, and then eighteen. I could see forever in the pool of his baby blue eyes.

"It is with my great pleasure with God as our witness and our family and friends and by the great state of California to pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride," he said.

"Make it count," he told me, as he cupped my hand in his face and gave me a long, sweet and passionate kiss on the lips. I felt my foot pop, like a girl in one of those cheesy romantic comedies. "Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Teller!" as our family and friends stood up and began to clap, we just stood there in the grass taking everything in. Married. I had finally married my best friend. And it felt so good to finally be able to call him my husband. Hard to believe that only four years ago, I was calling him my boyfriend for the first time.

* * *

After a quick clearing out of the chairs from the yard, the much dreaded wedding photos, and changing out of our dressy attire, we were ready to celebrate. The music began playing from the backyard, and most of the guys had began to pop open their third cold one. It felt so good to change into jeans and a simple, lacy, white shirt. I had thrown my curls into an up-do and quickly joined my husband and family out in the yard. They had managed to keep the arch up, and I admired it's beauty from afar. "Hey wife," I heard Jax greet me as I made my way down the stairs.

"Hi husband," I replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You ready to dance?"

"No, but I am ready to drink," he smiled.

"Of course you are," I replied, laughing of course. I was nothing but smiles today. As most of our guests began to make their way over to us, we had told them how thankful we were for accommodating everything on such a short notice. I had joined my mom and Gemma and Clay at the table to eat. Through the small talk, I could see Brantli eating all by herself.

"Hey boo," I told her, placing my arm around the back of her chair. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, pushing her pasta salad around on her plate.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"I'm sure," she replied. "I just can't believe you're married now,"

"Me either," I said, pulling up a chair. "It's all so weird. It happened so fast,"

"You're not going to have time to do best friend stuff anymore,"

I couldn't help but laugh really loud when she said that. "Brantli I'm married. I'm not dead. I'm always going to have time for you. Jax goes off and does his own thing and I do mine. Everything will be the same as it's always been. I just have a different last name now,"

"You sure? I don't want to steal you from your husband," she laughed.

"Chicks before dicks," I replied, telling her the age old tale. "Now, stop moping around. It's going to be a good night."

And boy, was it ever. After all of the eating and dancing, people got up and made short speeches including Brantli, Braison, Alyssa, and Opie. They were short, sweet, and to the point. I know if we ever renewed our vows and had a real wedding, they would be much longer and much more meaningful. Some of them said the same thing: "I'm so happy that you found love so young,"

And I was happy. I was lucky. I was the luckiest girl on this earth. We made our way to the driveway after that. Because we knew we were going to have another ceremony one day many, many, years from now we picked a different first dance song. I had danced with Braison to _"I Just Wanna Dance With You"_ by George Strait and Jax and I had chosen _"My Best Friend"_ by Tim McGraw. It fit so perfectly with us. We had done the cake smashing which resulted in an all-out cake war between most of the guests, I threw my bouquet, and Jax tossed my hidden garter off to Opie. My mom had caught my bouquet. But something, something didn't seem right.

"Mom, I'm gonna run to dad's really quick," it kind of sucked that I picked now to be the bigger person. I knew he was going to be pissed at me. But I didn't care. I was getting married and it felt wrong to do without my dad.

"Aubrey, you've been drinking. Let someone else drive you,"

"Mom he lives right down the street. I'll be okay. I've only had a little sip of champagne," I replied, as I made my way into the house. I got myself into my Jeep and seriously thought about the drive I was about to take.

* * *

When I got to my dad's house, he answered right away. "Dad, I need you to come with me,"

"Everything okay?" he asked me.

"I got married today," I choked out. My words were coming out a lot faster than I thought they were going to. "And as I looked around at everyone there, I didn't see my dad. And I felt like it was wrong that you weren't there. And I'm so sorry I should have invited you sooner. But will you please come to the rest of the reception? I am so sorry for being such a shitty daughter these past couple of years," I told him. He let me cry in his arms almost immediately. After my mom was gone, he would be the only parent that I had left. I couldn't spoil that relationship with him.

"Jax called me earlier to tell me about the wedding. I knew you would come around," he told me. As he kissed Chrissy and Mia goodbye, he took the driver's seat in my Jeep. We headed down the main road to my brother's house, and I led him to the backyard. There were no words said as we walked back, and I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. I had told the DJ to play "My Girl" by the Temptations. It was the first song that my dad and I had ever danced to at some lame father-daughter dance in elementary school, but it meant something to the both of us. My mom eyed us, smiling and shaking her head. For those four minutes, I could feel that everything was right between them. It was almost as if they were married again.

Jax came and swooped me away from him as the song ended, and we remained on the dance floor for the duration of some old Alabama song. As he smiled at me, he said "Thanks for the dance, Mrs. Teller,"

"No problem, Mr. Teller," I smiled.

"Got anything fun in store for us tonight?" he asked me.

"Of course," I smiled simply.

"Maybe a little secret in a pink bag?"

I punched his arm playfully. What kind of wife would I be if I hadn't gotten lingerie for our wedding night?

The dancing and drinking continued way into the wee hours of the morning. My mom had went to bed hours ago, and soon it was just the four of us teenagers up throwing back a few beers and passing around a bottle of blackberry brandy. It felt warm inside of my stomach. A nostalgic feeling, almost.

"To Jax and Aubrey!" Opie had yelled in a drunken slur. "I hate toasts and you guys both know that. But congratulations to you both. A lot of people say seventeen is too young to know what love is about but damnit if you didn't prove everyone wrong,"

We clung our half-empty beer bottles together. It was the four of us together, finally. On our wedding night. I can still picture it to this day, singing along to Mellencamp's "Pink Houses" wholeheartedly. Brantli's doing this weird arm thing, almost as if she's punching the sky in her off the shoulder striped shirt, with Opie's hand resting on her pants. He's wearing his hair in a bun, attempting to put his arm around her. Jax is glued to my side, singing along louder than the rest of us. And me? I'm right where I wanted to be all along. My best friends and my husband by my side.

* * *

Most people go on honeymoons after their weddings. That was not our case, of course. We had school that next Monday morning. I wasn't even going to go into the office to tell them about my recent name change and marriage, but I almost had to as they called me in that morning.

"Aubrey, your brother called. It's your mom," was all that they told me. I knew this was it. I had a pass written for Jax to come to the office, and we bolted out to my vehicle almost instantly. I couldn't breathe. She was fine when I woke up this morning. How could it all be going downhill now?

As we entered into Braison's house, I saw poor little Abby sitting on the couch crying her eyes out. Alyssa was holding onto her as she sobbed too. This was it. As soon as I entered into that bedroom, I would have to say goodbye to my mother. I was mentally preparing myself as I got closer. I had taken Braison's place on the bed so that he could go into the living room and be with his daughter. I don't think they had pulled Paisley out of class yet, and Abby had begged to stay home this morning to have a tea-party with my mom.

"Hey angel," she told me, her voice very ill sounding.

"Hi mamma," I told her, and I could feel the unwanted tears forming in my eyes.

Jax had given her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for blessing me with Aubrey. I love you, mom. I'll take good care of her, I promise."

He wanted me and her to enjoy our last few minutes alone as mother and daughter. "I wrote you something," I replied, placing a pink envelope on her bedside table.

"I wrote you something as well," she chuckled, handing the piece of folded stationary to me. I opened it up immediately, too sad to even read it right now.

"I am going to miss you so much baby," she told me, gripping onto my hand.

"I'm going to miss you so much, mom," I replied.

* * *

I held onto her hand for two hours that afternoon. And finally, when I couldn't hear her slow breaths anymore, all I could do was cry. I made my way into the living room. As everyone looked up at me, all I could do was nod my head.

"Abby," I said, making my way over to my half-sleeping niece.

"Can I go see grandma now?" she asked.

My throat began to close up. I couldn't even start to tell her that she couldn't. My brother took it from there, as Jax stood up and made his way over to me.

"Baby, grandma isn't here anymore,"

"But she'll be back, right?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"No, honey. I'm afraid not. She went to go visit Uncle JT and Uncle Colton," Braison explained between sobs.

"You mean in heaven?" she asked us somberly.

"Yes baby," my brother told her.

"But I didn't get to say goodbye to her," she told me. "I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her."

"She knows, honey. And she'll take that with her for the rest of her life."

"I hope they treat her really nice in heaven," Abby replied.

"They will, honey. They're already waiting there for her."

"Hey, Ab?" Jax asked her.

"Yes, Uncle Jackson?"

"Wait right here," he said, running off to my room. When he came back, I knew what he was going to do. He handed her the bell that I had made for JT's one year celebration of life back in 1994.

"There's a saying that my dad got from this Christmas movie. I watched it with him when I was your age," he started. He too, was crying now as he knelt down in front of my niece. "It says that every time a bell rings, an angel gets her wings. Do you want to ring this for grandma?" he asked her.

"Yes," she said, taking the top of the bell and ringing it loud.

"You guys ring it too. Maybe she'll get her wings faster that way," as we all took turns ringing the bell and telling stories about my mom, the hardest part still had to happen. We waited until Abby was asleep to call the nearby funeral home, and watching them take her cold body away was an image that I will never get out of my head. She was gone. And, she went out a warrior.

I had decided to sit on the couch and light a cigarette once everyone had went to bed. I wanted to read what my mother had wrote me. I know the letter that I wrote to her would truly be the last words that I ever said to her, and that comforted me a little bit.

As I folded the crumbled paper over to the words on the page, I saw that it was dated back in 1995 when they told her that her time here had been cut short. I had skimmed it once already to get an idea of the words that she wrote back then, and I couldn't help but start crying. It's like I hadn't stopped.

_Dear Aubrey,_

_As I stare out into the fading Arizona sunshine, another day has passed when you aren't at my side. If you're reading this letter, it does mean that I have passed away and I take a part of you with me. You're my baby, and my only girl. When I first learned that I was having a daughter all those years ago, I quivered a little inside. I had only hoped that she wouldn't turn out like me. But Aubrey, you are my spitting image._

_You are such a joy, baby girl. You are like a big huge ray of sunshine that lights up the sky and the earth and everyone that you come in contact with. Your heart is the size of the moon and your laugh makes everyone around you smile._

_I am so proud of the young lady that you are becoming. You're going off to Berkley, for God's sake. On an honors scholarship. With a 28 on your ACT, I might add. You try your best no matter what, and that's all that matters. If you don't love school once you get there, I promise I won't be mad at you. The greatest joy that I will have is watching you enjoy life and take part in all of these new journeys waiting for you._

_I know that the thought of death is overwhelming and it is frightening. When I first got clean, I thought that I was going to die, honey. And then you came here and everything seemed to be getting a lot better for me. Once I found out that I was sick, I had to face death head on. Death can make us go into denial, or go into a perpetual state of fear. It's better to think about it in a healthy way though, Aubrey Neveah. Here are the two things that we can learn from it:l_

_**Number one: Life means more.** Sometimes life is fun, flashy and fulfilling. Most of the time, however, it's boring, slow and unsatisfactory. But imagine you knew you were going to die soon. Suddenly, everything would seem much more significant. Even a trip to the grocery store would have greater purpose and meaning. When we take our life for granted, when we feel like we'll live forever, we're more inclined to complain, procrastinate, hold grudges… But if we were to treat every day as if it's our last, all of the things we complain about would seem so silly. We don't have time to get hung up on every petty little detail. We need to focus on what's good and beautiful and meaningful. We need to find the good and beautiful and meaningful in even the smallest of tasks and in even the most difficult people._

_**Number two: People mean more.** While it's challenging to think about our own death, it's far more difficult to imagine the death of a loved one. As your mother, I sometimes think about the bad things that could potentially happen to you and it drives me to a state of panic. I can come to terms with my own death. I can't bear to even think about yours. But the people we love WILL die one day. Hopefully not for a long, long time, but it could possibly be today. Knowing this makes our loved ones that much more precious. Yes, people are complicated. And sometimes annoying. But they are put into our lives for a reason and must be treated as such. When you're fighting with a friend or family member, think about how you would feel if suddenly they weren't here anymore. Your attitude will shift, I'm sure._

_Death seems like a negative thing, but really it's a positive. If it makes you hug your loved ones a little tighter, treat them a little more kindly, it's a good thing. If it makes you savor even the most menial task, if it makes you appreciate even the rainiest of days, it's a good thing._

_Death is good because it reminds us that life is good. And life is good for you, honey. You are young and you are free. Go on road trips. Come home at 2am and wake up early the next morning and don't remember what happened. Ride on the back of a motorcycle. Always wear red lipstick. Thank you for being my daughter and a friend these past few years. I will always treasure our moments together. I love you deeply. As you get ready to marry and carry on with your life, I want to leave you with these words: be a best friend, tell the truth. Overuse "I love you." Go to work. Do your best. Don't outsmart your common sense. Never let your praying knees get lazy. And, love like crazy._


	38. Chapter 38

_Aurora and Harley,_

_In the weeks following my mom's death, life seemed to get just a little bit easier. There were rough moments, sure. One of the roughest was definitely her funeral._

_We had decided to keep it small and just have the few of us there: Jax, Gemma, Clay, Braison, Alyssa, the kids, and of course Brantli. Jeremy even came up, too and read a couple of verses from the bible. It was real nice, real elegant. My mom would have loved it._

_She didn't want a burial or a whole big deal made out of the situation at the cemetery, so we had decided to have her cremated. We split the ashes up between myself, my brother, and my father. My father had been absent at the funeral, but we begged him to come with us to the cemetery. We had gotten her a plot, and he decided to bury his half of the ashes. He bought a beautiful diamond pink urn and placed it in the ground. We played the Rumors record by Fleetwood Mac in its entirety, just like she had done when she was cleaning the house on Thursday afternoons. When the songs were done being played, we couldn't speak any words to one another. We just threw the dirt over the top of the plot, and stepped back to put the flowers down by the headstone._

_"Sarah Rene Daniels. August 20th, 1955 to March 25th, 1996. Loving wife, mother, and grandmother" was what was etched in the stone. It didn't begin to sink in all that much until I saw those words written in stone._

_My mom was gone, and she wasn't ever coming back._

_There were some nights that I would get up and go to the room just like I had when she was alive. I would stand in there sometimes and just look around. Braison didn't have the heart to take any of the pictures that she put up in there down. He didn't have the heart to clear the room out of the bed that was lined with fresh sheets. He didnt have the heart to get rid of any of her clothes either. I would sometimes go in and take a clothing item and just breath it in. The smell of her floral perfume still lingered on each item, and I think that made me miss her more._

_At least she wasn't in pain anymore. That was the thought that kept me going when days seemed to get even more rough._

* * *

When May finally rolled into our small town, I was ready. I embraced it. We were entering into the home stretch and almost done with senior year. We had our prom dresses picked out. We knew exactly how we wanted to do our hair, makeup, and nails. We knew what we were doing for after prom. We knew where we were going to spend prom weekend at. I was excited to say the least.

So, so excited. Not really. But I wasn't going to let any of them know it. Prom was something that a senior had to go to. Did you really complete your senior year if you didn't go to prom?

There was just one problem though: Brantli didn't have a date. Of course, you would have assumed that she was going with Opie, right? That was just common sense. But, Brantli was Brantli and she felt like she needed to be asked.

My husband asked me, of course in the most romantic way ever over a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios one morning. Way to go, babe.

A few days prior to the dance, we had decided to venture out of Charming to finish up taking senior pictures. With everything going on this semester, I guess I just forgot to take mine? I don't know, we took cap and gown pictures back in October but mine turned out awful because I decided to blink, and I was not going to have that picture posted in the yearbook for the rest of my life.

Brantli had told me that she would just take the pictures for me, and I was really grateful to have a best friend that had such a nact for photography. As we made our way down Highway 508 early that afternoon, I could tell that she was definitely speeding. I don't know if it was the fact that the weather was warmer so we could finally take the top off of my Jeep or the fact that Tom Petty was playing that made her drive faster, but she was well above the 65 miles per hour speed limit.

"And I'm freeeee! Freeeee fallin!" we had managed to belt out over and over again. Our singing though was soon cut short when we saw the flashing lights and heard the wails of the sirens in my rear view mirror.

"Shit!" I heard Brantli yell, as she pulled off to the right shoulder. "This is my fifth speeding ticket in the past two years," she replied.

"You're gonna go to jail!" I yelled.

"Relax! I think I paid the last two,"

We saw Unser walk up to the side of the car soon after Brantli told me about the tickets, and he sighed in a serious tone as he asked for her license and registration. Why was he doing this? He was on SAMCRO's payroll. Come on, Wayne. Don't ruin our good day.

Brantli handed him her license, my registration, and both of our insurance cards. "This is your fifth speeding ticket, Brantli,"

"I know,"

"We have a warrant out for your arrest because you didn't pay the last one. I think you better step out of the vehicle,"

So, she did as she was told. She was scared shitless. I saw her knees tremble as she stepped out of my Jeep and hold her behind her back. Unser slid the cuffs around her wrist and slid her into the backseat of the cruiser. He left the door open though, and I wasn't sure why until I saw Opie sitting beside her. He was holding up a sign that said "Prom?" written sloppily in Sharpie marker.

"You've got to fucking be kidding me!" I heard her laugh. "So this was all..."

"Fake," he smiled. "I scared you pretty good, huh?"

"I definitely think I peed my pants."

"Oh god," he smiled.

"Why the cop car though?" she asked, still curious.

"Do you remember the first night that you fell in love with me?"

"Of course," she smiled. "We had just left that kegger at the lake and you dared me that I couldn't jump the fence at Rob's house."

"And you did. And we got arrested because of it." he started. "I looked into your eyes and I just knew that I was in love with you. My little crazy rebel. My missing puzzle piece."

"Op," she smiled at him.

"So, what do you say? Will you go to prom with me?"

"Of course!" she gushed.

Why wasn't Jax that romantic when he asked me? Oh, that's right. Because we were the old married couple now.

* * *

Well, the old married couple was definitely ready to go to prom on that Friday afternoon. What schools even have prom on Fridays? I didn't understand it one bit. But, that morning we were required to go to a mandatory senior meeting to pick up our prom tickets. If you weren't at the meeting when attendance was called, you weren't allowed to go to the dance. I can't even begin to tell you how many girls came to school in their pajamas with rollers in their hair. Brantli being one of those girls. Okay, I was one of them too. But you don't understand how hard it is to curl hair as long as mine. When the meeting was over, we hurried out of the auditorium and made a mad dash for Braison's house. The guys had a meet out in Compton today, which kind of scared me just a little bit but I shrugged it off. I had gotten used to them going out to more and more meetings nowadays. Alyssa made sure that we were set up and ready in my room, filling it with all of our makeup essentials, plenty of hairspray and bobby pins: she even hung another mirror on one of my walls. She made sure our dresses were pressed and placed them in my closet. God, our dresses. I loved dress shopping and think that was one of the things I was going to miss most about high school. We had both decided to go elegant for prom. Both were long, too touching the ground completely. Brantli's was a strapless gown with an ombré tone. At the top of the gown, it started with a lot of silver sparkles. When it reached the bottom, the sparkles quickly faded into a midnight blue color. And mine. Jax was going to drop to the floor when he saw my dress. It was an open back, with the sleeves resting on the top of my shoulders. The front of the dress was open, and showed more cleavage than what was necessary. The entire front and most of the back was covered in gold, silver, pale pink, turquoise, and lavender gems. It flowed out into almost a mermaid poof as it touched the ground. That part was peach, matching the entire underlay of the gown.

She made sure the fridge was stocked with orange juice and champagne, cutting us off when she knew we needed to be. I wasn't going to show up to my senior prom drunk. I had been in the office way too many times for any of that nonsense. We had decided to bust out some old Hank Jr. albums to get ready to, quickly changing it to Tupac once my selection ended. We got ready pretty fast, considering we spent most of the morning bullshitting and making sure that everything was in place for tonight.

"Hey guys, Opie and Jax are here," Alyssa had told us once we were finished getting ready.

They had traded in their normal button ups for tuxedos as soon as we saw them standing in the living room. Abby was standing next to them, too wearing one of her Princess dress-up costumes. They looked really nice. Jax was wearing a black tuxedo with a white undershirt and a peach tie. He had even shaved. His hair, too! His hair was so much shorter than the last time I saw him a couple of hours ago. It almost looked like a buzz cut. I loved it. He looked so much older. Happy wife. Opie wore a charcoal colored tuxedo with a white undershirt and a navy blue tie. He didn't cut his hair, but he shaved. And pulled his mess of blonde locks in his infamous bun. I couldn't help but think back to homecoming night our freshman year. Brantli didn't have her Monroe piecing in anymore but she did have a couple more tattoos. My hair was longer and I actually knew how to do my makeup now unlike then. It's like I was staring three different people in the face. Three people that had grown up before my eyes. And me. I had done a lot of growing up, too I guess.

We placed the boutonnières over their hearts, and they placed our corsages on our wrists. We took a gazillion pictures before my brother and sister sent us off with pride.

We had decided to take separate cars, in case plans had changed for either one of us that night and one of us wanted to rent a room at the hotel versus going to Kennedy's after party at her parent's lake house.

As Jax started up his Silverado and I struggled to fit my entire dress in, he looked at me.

"Do you wanna go to prom?" he asked. I was a little taken back.

"What do you mean? Of course I do,"

"Are you sure?"

"No," I laughed. I had just spent four hours on my hair and so much money on my dress. "Why, do you have something else planned?"

"I had a back-up, in case you didn't want to go," he laughed. "We can go, Bre. I was just wondering,"

"No, let's not go," I told him. "It's probably lame anyway,"

"If that's what you want," he smiled.

"I want whatever you want."

"Don't start that," I replied, looking out the window.

"So, no prom? Last chance."

"No prom."

* * *

Jax had decided to drive us all the way down to Venice Beach. It was really romantic, actually. He rented out this gorgeous hotel room that overlooked the Pacific Ocean. I felt at piece as we walked hand and hand down the beach in our prom attire.

"I owe you a dance," he said, as we stopped by the edge of the ocean. As we danced under the fading California sunshine, I knew that I was for sure in love with him. There might not have been music, but he tried his best to hum a sweet tune.

As we headed back up to the room, the entire entry way was lined with peach rose petals, almost identical to my corsage. On the bed were petals in the shape of a heart, and candles lined each wall.

"Jackson," I told him. It was typical him, candles and flowers and all.

"Hey, I know I do this a lot but I wanted to make you feel like a princess on tonight of all nights."

"Well, mission accomplished," I told him, as we stood in the doorway. I cupped his face in my hands and began to kiss him. With each kiss, each movement, the passion grew stronger. He had me pinned against the wall in no time at all, his hands working to unzip and unclasp my dress with such ease. I untied his tie, and began to take off his suit jacket and pants. As his warm lips kissed my neck, I grabbed onto his back tighter with my nails. We made our way to the bed immediately, not waisting a moment of undressing one another. As we made love, I truly felt like his princess. The way he kissed me, the way our bodies were in motion with one another. I felt like we always had the best sex in Venice. It was so romantic here. How could you not have mind-blowing sex?

When we had finished and turned over, both out of breath, Jax just looked at me.

"What?" I asked him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," he chuckled. "That was perfect. So perfect."

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him.

"Because," he smiled. "I have one more surprise for you,"

We got dressed in our casual clothes and headed down to beach. Down there, that was a sight I'll tell you. Jax had set up a blanket under the stars and had a projector screen set up closer to the hotel. "What are we watching?" I asked in amazement.

"Your favorite movie," he smiled.

"But you hate Forrest Gump."

"Your other favorite movie. Your favorite movie from your childhood."

He started the projector up and on the screen was the opening title to Beauty and The Beast.

"I figured I would play your favorite princess movie on the night you wanted to feel most like a princess. I love you, Aubrey Teller."

* * *

We fell asleep in each other's arms on the beach that night. We had watched the movie and talked and talked and talked about the club, our future, college, and this summer. He had even brought up the topic of kids and I thought that might have been too soon, but he told me that he wanted to be a dad. I saw the way he interacted with his niece. It only made me want to make him a father more.

When the sun came up over Venice that morning, I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to move from my husband's secure grip. But I wanted a cigarette.

I knew they were in his glovebox, so I let Jackson sleep and made my way up to the room. I freshened up a bit and removed most of the sand from my clothes and my hair. I took his keys and made my way outside. I was already thinking of how to spend our day. While we had a great trip to the local amusement park planned, I had plans of my own. Ones that involved spending all day in bed with my husband.

When I opened up the glovebox, I grabbed his pack of Marlboros and noticed a couple of pieces of paper, securely held together by a paper clip. As I snooped through them, I could feel my blood begin to boil. I thought they might have been a love letter, but boy was I wrong.

I made my way back onto the beach to Jax's still body. There were so many emotions playing in my head right now. So many ideas on how to word what I wanted to say to him.

"Wake the fuck up," I told him, giving him a swift kick in the leg.

"Aubrey! Babe, chill out. What the hell is your problem?" he asked, as he shot up.

"When were you going to tell me you're going to Georgia, Jackson?! Huh?! When were you going to tell me that you joined the Army?!"

* * *

**A/N: Just wanted to give a quick shoutout to ellabby. GO READ HER STORIES. YOU WILL NOT BE DISSAPOINTED, I PROMISE! I was stuck in such a writers block rut the past few days and am finally over it. Might post another chapter tonight because I don't know how to sleep, obviously. Lol. Keep on reviewing. You know I love you guys!**


	39. Chapter 39

I had no words to say to Jax as we cleaned up our mess on the beach that morning. When we finally came up to the room, I told him that I wanted to take a shower.

"No, you're not. I think we need to talk."

I sighed heavily and planted myself down in the chair in the far right corner of the room. "What's there to talk about? You're leaving me."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Jackson, yes you are! You think I can come to basic with you? That's not how this shit works. I know how it works. You're going to go off to basic, graduate, then be shipped to some far off country."

"I didn't want to tell you like this, Aubrey."

"What were you going to do then? Just leave and not let me go. I'm not your girlfriend anymore, Jax. I'm your wife."

"The Army provides housing for married couples. They'll pay for you to go to school..."

"I don't want them to pay for shit! What, am I supposed to get compensated for them taking you away? Why didn't you talk to me about this?!"

"I didn't know how to! You have this enormous future planned out for yourself. You're going to college, you're going to be so successful. And me...I'm stuck in a rut. What was I supposed to do in Berkley?"

"Be with me," I replied, tears creeping down from my eyes.

"But I need to support you, too. I'm nothing more than an alright mechanic. I can fix a couple of cars and bikes. How was that going to look to everyone? Here's my wife, with a fucking bachelors degree and here's her low-life husband with a high school diploma."

"It would have looked fine, Jackson! God there's so much shit going on in the world right now. Especially with the middle eastern countries. You hear them talk about how bad it's getting over there but Clinton won't go to war."

"It scares me too." he replied. "But, I'll have Opie with me."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Opie and me are going in together. They call it the busy system. Same MOS, same dates for bootcamp."

I couldn't feel my heart beat anymore. I definitely thought it skipped a beat. "And what is your MOS?"

"Infantry."

"JACKSON!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "You're such an idiot. You're going out onto the front lines!"

"I'm not an idiot! I want to serve my country. What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing! It's just dangerous!" I said, as I let the tears fall more excessively. "Is that why you wanted to marry me?"

"Bre," he said, moving closer to me. "Why would you ever think something like that?"

"Because. It's all making sense now."

"I would have married you four years ago if I could. I love being married to you, baby."

"I don't want you to leave me, Jackson. I'm terrified. I know your father was in the military and its noble. I understand completely. But what if we go to war?"

"We aren't going to. I'll probably just be stationed on base most of the time."

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"There's an Army base in California. As soon as I'm done with my schooling and basic, we can move on base. The houses are beautiful, baby."

I sniffled a little bit. "How long is bootcamp?"

"16 weeks with the school."

"16 weeks?!" I replied.

"It's enough time for you to complete one whole semester at Berkley. I'll be home in time for Christmas."

"Jackson."

"Bre, I've got this. Don't worry. You're never going to have to worry about anything. And then when I get out, we can start a family. We can move back to Charming or somewhere new and exciting."

"What does Gemma think about all of this?"

"They were pissed at first. But, as long as we keep in touch I guess she shouldn't be worried."

"What about SAMCRO?"

"It'll be there for me when I get out if I want to be involved."

"Don't you kind of have to?"

"Not really."

"But would you though?"

"I would love to. I'd love to run the club. But the direction it's going in...all that brotherhood stuff. It's thrown out the window. Everyone is money and power hungry now."

"As long as you're sure we'll be okay."

"I promise you, babe. We aren't going to war any time soon."

"And you get to wear dress blues right?" I asked, smiling.

"Eventually."

"Well, I do love a man in uniform," I chuckled.

"See, Bre. Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry about it. Don't worry anymore babe."

But that's all I could do was worry. Worry about how I was going to make ends meet while he wasn't here. Worry about what to do when and if he was ever going to come back if we did go to war. Worry about what to do without my husband by my side. How was Brantli going to take this? Poor girl probably wasn't going to go to Juilliard now. She wouldn't leave me all by myself. That's the funny thing about dreams. About high school. You think something is going one way and in the blink of an eye, it all changes.

"Lets get back in that bed," he said, smiling at me. How could I resist?

* * *

I wish I could illustrate to the both of you my high school graduation. It was one of those bittersweet moments in life that I don't think I would trade for the world. It took place on a sunny Sunday afternoon on the football field of our beloved Charming High School. The same football field that I had walked on one too many times to perform a cheer ritual. The same football field that Jax and I had snuck into my junior year to have a late night picnic, complete with wine and sandwiches. The same football field that Brantli had rehearsed all of her choreography on a million times, making sure that we nailed even the simplest of steps. The same football field that I would soon become a high school graduate on. I wasn't ready to leave.

We walked in to the ever dreadful "Pomp and Circumstance" dressed in our caps and gowns. The girls donned an awful shade of maroon and the guys were simply dressed in black. Our caps sat with pride on our heads; our tassels turned to the right. As we took our seats on the small wooden stage, I looked around. Everyone that I had grown up with were sitting next to me on this stage this afternoon. Most of them would be going on different paths in their lives, and it seemed weird to me that I wouldn't see them on a day to day basis anymore. I wouldn't hear Kennedy scream down the hallway at 8am, complaining about how Starbucks got her coffee order wrong yet again. I would hear Ethan's booming voice doing the morning announcements. I wouldn't see the teachers that had helped me grow and develop so much in the past four years. I wouldn't go to a homecoming dance in the gym. I wouldn't be a Warrior anymore. A Charming High Warrior, at least.

"Good morning parents, friends, and distinguished guests to the commencement ceremony honoring the class of 1996. My name is Denise Thompkins, and I have had the honor of watching these fine men and women grow around me. At this moment, I just want to commend everyone that is here today. We have a quote that I used more often then them to motivate most to go to class: the tassel is worth the hassle. I think they can all agree with me as I stand on this stage today to say that. I would like to take a moment to thank the parents of these 30 men and women. Because of you, they sit here proudly today. Thank you for all of your hard work these past thirteen years, guiding these kids in the right direction. You deserve to sit there humbly today. I would like to welcome on to the stage our first speaker, Dr. Waldon Bates, head of the liberal arts department at USC,"

As the speaker spoke about life and changing and how proud we all needed to be today and how this was such a huge accomplishment for all of us, it was my turn to speak. As I stepped up to the podium, the loud sounds of my high heels gracing my steps, I smiled out at everyone sitting in the audience.

"Being a valedictorian is a lot of hard work. The honor falls upon the person that can best maintain an academic standing in our class and represents the class well. That is no exception to the amazing woman that we have guiding us to our graduation today. I know she is amazing because she is my best friend. And I am so proud of her for not only maintaining a 5.0 GPS but putting together an amazing yearbook and still managing to take our cheerleading squad to nationals this past winter. Would you please do me the honor in welcoming Ms. Brantli Rae Atkins up onto the stage."

Brantli gave me a hug as she stood next to me. I was truly so proud of her. She had been though so much, and I felt honored to present her as she spoke.

"Good afternoon, fellow graduates. My name is Brantli Atkins, and I am so honored to be your valedictorian of the class of 1996. Well, guys. This is it. High school is over for us as soon as we flip our tassels to the left this afternoon. I can't even think of the reason that you guys chose me to be your valedictorian. But it is truly an honor above all that I've earned here. Over the past four years at Charming High, I have learned a lot. I was the new girl freshman year and didn't know much about the town. I never thought that I would fit in as well as I did. Most of you guys have been through most of your schooling lives with one another, and I was honored to be accepted as a fellow Warrior. High school is a time in our lives when we think the impossible cannot happen. But it can. These past four years have taught us so much more than we ever anticipated. Embedded in the long math and science lectures, the English essays, and the history lessons, we learned a lot of life lessons. Most of us, will go on to do amazing things in our college careers. We'll soon forget this place altogether and wake up next year in a new city, forgetting how amazing it felt to walk these halls for the first time. I can spend hours thanking the teachers that brought us to where we are today. I need all of you to do me a favor and form a mental image in your head. Imagine life in this high school without your friends. Everything that you went through is just you. Isn't it just dreadful? Isn't it just...boring? There's a quote that says "to live life without the experience of friendship is life without living. Most speeches talk about the future, the dreams and goals that we have in life and how we are going to accomplish them. Well, no one really pauses to thank their friends around them. All because of them, I have amazing and embarrassing memories that I will hold onto for the rest of my life. I'll take that all the way to New York with me. Together we have laughed, learned, love, gotten in trouble, and did way too much grown up stuff. I have three best friends that I wouldn't trade for the world, and I want to thank all of them for holding my hand and helping me get to where I wanted to be. For Jackson Teller. He let me know that it was okay to have a dream as big as the New York Skyline and that I needed to reach on to it and grab it. And, for falling in love and promising to take care of my best friend. For Harold Winston. Thank you for loving me in my true form and helping me study for my shop class tests. Without you, I couldn't have gotten through the only class that I needed to graduate. I fall more in love with you with each passing of the day. And, to Aubrey Teller. The light at the end of my tunnel. You managed to lose your mother, your brother, and still pull off getting married and having dreams of your own. You inspire me to live each day and not take a single moment for granted. And, you're the only one that holds my hair up for me when I'm drunk and puking later that night after too much wine. Friendship is something that no one should ever have to live their lives without. I went from being the shy little girl from Boston performing in Grease and barely getting by in classes to the strong, independent woman going to Juilliard on a full ride scholarship for music theatre. Whatever your dream is, class of 1996 grab onto your friends. Hold on tight. And just do that with all of your might. We are fellow warriors. And most of us will change the world around us. John Mellencamp sums it up best: no I cannot forget where it is that I come from, I cannot forget the people who love me. Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town, and people just let me be just what I want to be. Thank you." As she exited off of the stage and sat down next to us, the audience stood up in full applauses.

"Now, we will present the diplomas. Please stray from clapping until all of the names are called. Brantli Rae Atkins, Juilliard School of Performing Arts." Brantli stood up and smoothed out her gown, graciously walking up on stage to accept the folded piece of paper. She began to call other names, and when she finally reached the T's, I felt a little nervous. "Aubrey Nevaeh Teller, Berkley College of Liberal Arts."

"Jackson Nathaniel Teller, United States Army."

"Lastly, Harold Opie Winston. United States Army." As she said those words, it all began to sink in. Our favorite boys were going off to the Army. To serve this country. To keep us protected. I couldn't be more proud of the both of them.

"I want to leave you with these last words, class of 1996. Will you please stand," as we stood up from our seats, she looked over to us. "Congratulations. Today is your day. You're off to great places. You're off, off, and away. And will you succeed? Yes! You will indeed. 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed. Kids, you'll move mountains. Oh the places you'll go. Students, please grab your tassels and turn them from right to left. This symbolizes a new beginning for you, as you transition from high school seniors, to high school graduates." "Would you please all rise and help me to welcome the newest alumni of Charming High School, our beloved class of 1996!" As we all began clapping and hollering, we threw our graduation caps up in the air with such great pride. I did it. I graduated it. I couldn't be more happy. These past four years have sucked but today: today was my day.

After the ceremony, I managed to sneak off to the cemetery. I was still dressed in my cap and gown as I pulled in. As I walked up the hill to my mom's plot, I placed a bouquet of flowers down by her headstone.

"Hey, mom. I just wanted to say thank you so much for reading to me when I was younger. For teaching me that math didn't suck so much and that history can be cool. I love you. I did it, mom. I graduated. I did this for you. I hope you're proud of me."

* * *

_Aurora and Harley,_

_Senior year is unlike any other. Here are a few things that you should know. It won't hit you when you wake up for the last first day of school. It won't hit you as you walk into the senior locker bay for the first time as an official senior. It won't hit you when you cheer at your last homecoming pep rally and attend your last football game. It won't hit you as you go to your last homecoming dance. It won't hit you when you fill out the countless college applications or use the same generic essay in all of your letters. It won't hit you as you celebrate New Years Eve with the same people that you've known since you were fourteen. It won't hit you when you cheer at your last senior night and cry your eyes out! You won't feel it when you're having the time of your life on your spring break or when you participate in senior skip day. When May finally comes around and prom hits you. You begin to realize it when you're at graduation and you look around and realize you won't see half of these people ever again in your life. Please, please, please girls I beg of you. Make every second of your senior year count. You only get to do it once. Spend as much time with your friends as possible for it won't be long until you meet new people and inevitably grow apart._


	40. Chapter 40

_**June, 1996**_

The summer before the real world should be one that you will remember for the rest of your time spent on this earth. There's some days when a certain song will come on or I'll smell a certain thing in the air and it'll pinpoint me back to that summer. The summer of 1996 is one that we had talked about non stop in the weeks leading up to it and nonstop after it ended. We had mapped out perfectly what cities we would hit first and things that we would stop and do along the way.

I don't think it's truly sunk in for me yet that this was our last summer that we would all spend together as teenagers. It kind of freaked me out a little bit. Life as we knew it was soon ending.

The guys had managed to fix up the old camper pretty well. It ran like brand new. The guys had re-painted the front of it, updated the furniture to one leather sectional, put in two queen sized beds, and re-upholstered the carpeting. The plumbing was fixed, there was a small television and surround sound system in there, a brand new breakfast nook, and we had made sure that it was stocked with food for our first couple of days on the road.

"You guys be sure to call as soon as you get there, okay? I don't want cops going after you guys," Gemma had told us on every occasion that she could.

"Yes mother dearest," Jax replied.

She sighed, and kissed him on the cheek. "I expect post cards, calls, carrier pigeons. Something. Have fun."

"Love you, mamma Gemma," Brantli replied, as we boarded the camper.

As we said our goodbyes to most of the guys in the club, we were off. Jax had settled into the driver's seat with me as his passenger. Opie and Brantli took their spots in the living room of the Winnebago.

"So, guys. First stop is Las Vegas!" I yelled as Jax reved the engine.

"How long is that going to take?"

"Only six hours!" I chuckled.

"Jesus," Brantli replied, sinking back into the couch. "I'm going to sleep."

"Negative. You gotta stay up. Because if you don't stay up for the first hour then Opie's going to fall asleep and then I'm going to fall asleep and it's going to be this massive train reaction and pretty soon Jax will be asleep and we'll be dead in a ditch somewhere."

"What if I sleep with my eyes open?" she asked.

"Brantli."

"Okay, okay. Fine."

I put the radio on as a cheesy pop song blared out. It was 11am now. If we did good with time and didn't stop, we would be there by at least 5pm and have plenty of time to enjoy the Las Vegas nightlife.

"I'm hungry."

"Do not start that bullshit." I laughed.

"You guys want to play a game?" Brantli asked.

"What? What do you mean? Like a road trip game?"

"Yep," she smiled sheepishly. "I have a whole notebook full of them right here."

"What did you have in mind?" Opie asked her, as he put his arm around her body and pulled her close. Jax headed onto highway 58 East in no time.

"Picnic," she replied. Picnic was a simple game. I'm sure I've made you play it in the car 100 times or so, girls. "I'll start. I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing blueberries."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing pasta salad," Opie said.

Brantli laughed. "Sorry, babe. You can't come. Aubs?"

"Is it because I'm white?" Opie asked.

"I'm bringing almonds."

"I'm bringing jelly," Jax replied.

"I'm bringing brownies."

"I hope there's pot in those brownies." Opie laughed. "I'm bringing apples."

"Baby you still can't come!" Brantli laughed. Oh, Opie. When were you going to learn to bring something that started with the first letter of your name?

"What the fuck?!" he exclaimed. "I didn't want to go to your damn picnic anyway!"

We continued this for about a half an hour. Opie still wasn't grasping the concept of it. After that half an hour, all three of us were out like lights. I felt bad for Jax, because he was the only one up and driving by himself. I immediately regretted my decision of falling asleep and shot back up.

"Baby, you can go to sleep if you want to." he replied. We were nowhere near Las Vegas yet.

"No, I'm not going to let you drive by yourself," I said, smiling at him. Even though we were dressed in our comfy clothes, he looked as gorgeous as he ever had, especially with the California sunshine shimmering off of his blonde hair.

"I don't mind. It relaxes me. It gives me time to think."

"What're you thinking about?" I asked him, shifting in my chair.

"Us. This summer. These last few months. The fact that I'm leaving here when this is all over."

"Seems surreal, right?"

"It does," he started. "God, these past few months have been like a dream. The wedding, prom. Graduation. Did you ever think we would be married this young?"

"Yes," I smiled. "Because when I look at you, I see forever."

"Aubrey."

"Jackson, I'm serious. You are and always have been my dream. My one true love. The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me. But I have put a lot of thought into this. I think it's real brave what you're doing."

"Brave? Please. Babe, I owe it to the guys fighting overseas and in other countries and helping out in the world. Without them, we wouldn't have our freedom. It's nothing about being known as a hero or anything else. It's about wanting to give my family freedom."

"You want to start a family, don't you?"

"There's some days that I do. Like when we're making love and we both just get so into it and I feel like I can't stop it from happening. There's other days when I hear you talk about Berkley and I read your articles that you've written and it's like how could I take that away from you? How could I deprive you of living out your twenties?"

"Baby, you're not depriving me of anything. You're giving me your all. When and if I ever did get pregnant, I know that it'll happen because we're ready. I mean, sure there's all these things that I want to do in life...careful, there's a fucking car that's tailing you," I said, interrupting our conversation. "But, but then I think that I can't wait to have kids with you. I can't wait to be a mother. I cannot wait to share what I've been through with them."

"I want to tell you something right now and I don't want you to get mad at me, promise?"

"Promise."

"Charming is no place to raise a family, Bre."

"What do you mean?"

"The club is starting to get involved in some nasty ass shit. And I don't like it. I know you're not going to like it. Don't you think it's strange. Your brother and my father die within almost a year of one-another and all of a sudden Clay steps in to fix everything."

"Jax, I don't think so. I think it was just God's way of letting it happen."

"Isn't it fishy though?"

"Not really." I laughed. "We grew up around the guys our entire life. And we turned out okay."

"What about when I get out? I'm not there to protect you from whatever crazy shit goes on while I'm on base or off fighting somewhere."

"I know that."

"If anything bad happens while I'm gone, you keep track of it for me. You let me know whose who when I come back home."

"You're scaring me."

"I didn't mean to, baby. They're nice guys. They're family. But the money that we are making now is more than we've ever made. It's the root of all evil. It's about power now. This Irish shit that we're messed up with the guns, the coke and heroine from the Niners, pot from the Mexicans. It's all going to blow up in Clay's face one day."

"What makes you think that?"

"He's getting older. It's a lot for him to take on. I don't know what's going to happen. But you keep yourself safe."

"I know babe."

"Buy a gun, learn how to fight..."

"You're acting like you're never coming home again, Jax. Like all of this you're doing is to run away."

"It's not that I'm running away. It's just toxic, baby. There's a lot of stuff from when we were younger that we didn't grasp right away. But now that we're older and we're married...I have to keep you safe. And when I'm not there, you have to keep yourself safe. You know how to do that."

"Not without you."

"I'll only be gone for sixteen weeks. It's not forever."

"I know, but still. I'm going to be all by myself."

"That's okay. There's nothing wrong with being by yourself. You can branch out, meet new people. It's a good time for you."

"What am I going to do without Brantli?" I asked him.

"You guys will stay in touch."

"Do you think I should go to NYU?"

"No, I don't. I think you should stay in California and go to Berkley."

"Isn't there an Army base in New York?" I asked.

"Fort Drum, yeah. That's where Opie is going after bootcamp."

"Why can't you go there too? Why don't you just get out while you can. You just told me that it's toxic. Don't add to the toxicity. Charming sucks you in. Maybe it'll be good to get out while you can."

"Can you do that? Can you change your mind like that when it comes to school?"

"No, well I don't know. But I can find out. Even if that means working for a little bit and then re-applying or just doing on semester at Berkley."

"Will your credits transfer?"

"Jax break!" I told him, as I noticed traffic beginning to slow down. I sighed. That boy couldn't drive to save his life. "I can find out."

"I'll talk to my recruiter. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea, all of us staying together?"

"Let's see what happens."

"You're amazing, you know that? You drop your dream school to accommodate everyone."

"Baby, I'm not dropping my dream school. I can go anywhere to be a journalist. I think New York is going to have a lot more opportunities for me than California."

"That's true, too. I never thought about it that way."

"Mhm. Plus I think it'll be good. For all of us, you know? You never know what's going to happen and you shouldn't be without your friends."

"I agree, 100 percent."

"Wanna stop somewhere and get coffee?" he asked casually.

"Coffee would be great. I mean I can make some?" I asked, motioning to the coffee pot in the corner.

"I gotta pee though, babe. Plus it's Op's turn to drive." he said, as we got off of the exit. "And cigarettes would be good."

"A cigarette does sound nice."

* * *

We pulled into a parking spot specifically for campers, as Brantli jolted up. "Are we there yet?" she asked in a groggily voice.

"No, sleepy head. Just stopping. Wake Op up, it's his turn to drive." I said, as Jax hopped out of the Winnebago.

"Ugh." she said, knowing that she would be in the passenger seat now. "You guys suck."

"No, we just wanna sleep." I laughed. "We should be there in like three hours."

"I cannot wait to gamble." she chuckled. One of the many benefits of having a fake ID, I guess.

"You mean blow all of our money?" I asked her.

"That too." she chuckled.

"Hey, so listen. I might be transferring to NYU after this semester."

"What?! Why?!"

"Jax is changing his base location. He's going to talk to his recruiter in the next week or so."

"Aubrey! That's awesome! OMG yes I'm so excited right now!" she yelled. "We can get an apartment and go to school and watch Friends on Thursdays and drink wine."

"Yeah, yeah I know," I smiled at her.

"Is this what you want?"

"It's what Jax wants."

"What about what you want."

"I mean, yeah. You did once tell me that there are other places than Charming and California."

"I think you were the one that said that to me."

"Well, maybe I should start taking my own advice then," I chuckled.

"Yeah, but you gotta live for yourself. What about your family?"

"You guys are my family. I don't wanna do this by myself. Plus I'm married. I need to think about what's best for me and Jax and for our children someday. No one ever told us that we can't move back to Charming."

"I thought you wanted to be like Gemma and Clay? SAMCRO royalty."

"That's up to Jax," I replied. "I'm not going to make him stay somewhere that he doesn't want to."

"That's very true, too."

The guys came back onto the camper in the matter of minutes. Jax and I took our spots on the couch and snuggled up next to each other. I laid my head on his chest as he began to stroke my hair.

"Pretty soon, babe. We'll be there soon." he told me.

"I know. I'm gonna rest my eyes."

"That's fine. You sleep. I'll stay up with Op."

It was hard to stay asleep after that, especially with Opie's even more obnoxious driving. Who the hell taught them to drive?

"You know what would be funny?" I heard Opie ask Brantli as we began our drive back down to Nevada.

"What?" she asked him.

"If we got drunk and got married in Vegas."

"You're hilarious," Brantli replied.

"Yeah, that is pretty funny."

"You don't wanna get married, do you?" she asked, taking a long drag of her cigarette.

"Jax and Aubrey make it look so easy."

"That's because they aren't living together yet. They're not paying bills. They're not working. They'll see. Life is tough. Especially married life."

"I see the shit my mom and dad went through and I just can't bring myself to marry anyone, ever."

"That's a little harsh."

"Well, it's true babe. I love you. I'm in love with you. But could I see myself marrying you? Maybe if I didn't hate marriage."

Poor Brantli.

"I know I'm not wife material. But I can make you dinner every night. I'm an okay cook. I can clean. I would make you happy. I would make a good wife."

"I'm not saying that you wouldn't."

"Then what are you saying Opie?"

"I'm saying that I'm not going to be married when I'm eighteen. I want to live my life, Brantli."

"One that doesn't involve me?"

"It does involve you! You're there every step of the way."

"Would you have married me four years ago if I was actually pregnant?"

"In a heartbeat."

"Well then why wouldn't you marry me when I wasn't?"

"I just think a piece of paper or a ring shouldn't dignify if you love someone or not."

"Well, I can't live on base with you until we're married."

"I know that."

"And you can't live off base."

"I know that too," he replied.

"So why have you been leading me on?"

"Because I want to keep you safe."

"You're just a coward. You're scared. You don't want to marry me that's fine. There's guys out there that will."

I heard Jax grunt, and ask if he could switch seats with Brantli as their fighting heated up. She joined me on the couch.

"I hate you, you know that? You have this perfect life."

"My life is far from perfect!" I interjected.

"I knew this trip was the biggest mistake ever."

"Don't let Opie ruin your fun," I told her. "This is about saying goodbye and moving on with our lives."

She got up and made her way to the back bedroom as soon as those words escaped my mouth. I followed her, as she plopped down on the bed. I took a seat next to her.

"Why does he have to be like that? Why does he have to be so stubborn?! I should get him drunk and marry him."

"You don't want to do that."

"Maybe I do! Maybe I just can't see myself living without him. I wish he was more like Jax."

"Jax is the only good thing that I have to hang onto in my life besides you, Brantli. It's not going to hurt me if you're not with Opie. You need to do what's best for you."

"Who would have thought a trip like this would bring out someone's true colors?" I heard her yell to the front of the Winnebago. Opie flipped her off.

"Ignore him."

"Are we there yet?" she asked me. "I just want to get drunk already."

"We still have two more hours."

"I'm so sick of fighting with him! I'm so sick of it, Aubrey. I don't understand why I can't be happy."

"You need to be. You need to work on yourself before you let anyone else defy your happiness."

"I don't want to be alone though. I'm gonna be in New York all by myself."

"You'll be fine." I laughed. "You're Brantli Atkins. You can do anything."

"I don't hate you, you know that. I'm just so tired of fighting with him. Things were so much simpler a couple of years ago."

"What changed?" I asked her.

"The club."

"Stop. You've known all of them for four years."

"So? You don't agree with me that Opie has changed since he joined Sons? You don't see how he changed? How he looks at me? I know there's girls that go in there and sleep with the guys. Crow eaters, they call them. The sluts that come in and show the guys a good time when we aren't satisfying them enough."

"Brantli, you're getting yourself worked up over nothing."

"Maybe I am. But maybe I'm not. You should ask Jax about it. See what he says. He could be cheating on you and you don't even know it."

"You're ridiculous!" I yelled. "Jax would never cheat on me. Take that back right now!"

"Ask. Him. I'm closer with a lot of the guys in the club than you are. I've heard shit go on that I wouldn't even tell my kids. That I wouldn't dare tell someone else."

"You're overreacting. All they do is ride bikes and go on occasional meets and sell stuff."

"Have you been living under a rock for the last four years? Have you not seen what goes on behind closed doors? No wonder why Jax and you have such a good marriage. He doesn't tell you anything."

Great, now my entire day was ruined. I didn't want to fight. That's not what the goal of this was to do. But Jax and I haven't fought at all. And Brantli and Opie seem to fight all of the time. Was there more to the current story of the Sons of Anarchy than Jax was telling me?


	41. Chapter 41

I had never been happier to be parked at a hotel than I was when we pulled up to the Bellagio in Las Vegas. It was enormous. And, it was beautiful. We weren't royalty by any stretch of the word, but damn if we didn't feel like it tonight. We checked in at the front desk under our names, and the receptionist handed us a room key and flashed a large smile at Jax. I guess I was just noticing all of these girls that he had attracted now that a target was on his back. How could I confront him about cheating? And if and when I did, what if he said yes? What was I going to do if I found out the man that I loved had been cheating on me for some time now? I couldn't let that happen. I had Jax. Not any other girl: me.

"You guys wanna go gamble first or walk around?" Opie asked. He had been enraged since the car ride down here, and who could blame him? Actually, I wasn't taking sides in this fight. I was so sick of the fighting. We only had three days here in Vegas and damn if I wasn't going to make the most out of it.

"Don't care," Brantli said in a sour tone as we hopped onto the elevator. Even the elevators were enormous! Everything was made of marble or glass. I felt like if I moved, I was going to break something.

"Of course you don't, bitch."

"Opie!" Jax yelled, his voice squeaking just a little bit. "Just answer the question, please."

"Whatever is going to get me drunk faster I guess."

And we knew that had to be gambling. We would save walking around for tomorrow night, I guess.

As we walked into our room, I was blown away. It was immaculate. There was a huge living room complete with a built in fire place, a huge glass coffee table, a television, stereo system, and a plush dark mahogany cloth couch. There were throw pillows galore on it. There was an oversized kitchen complete with a stove, fridge, microwave, and plenty stocked with food and beverages. Two bedrooms sat in the far back corner with queen sized beds, dressers, and more televisions. The bathroom had a build in crawl foot bathtub with jets with a shower that sat on the other side of the wall. I loved, too the his and hers sinks. I knew that I had wanted those in my home when I was older. Plush creme colored carpeting covered the place wall to wall except in the bathroom and kitchen, which were both lined with an off-white tile. An ivory color clung onto the walls.

"Holy fuck."

"Well, my dad is paying for this one," I giggled. My dad had graciously picked up the tab for Vegas, telling us to use his card as I wished. Which, would be all of the time. I was never spoiled growing up, and I hated taking my father's money but graciously accepted it at the same time. He was thrilled to not have to pay for school, so he thought he needed to make it up to me this way, I guess. Hell, I didn't mind. It was amazing.

Jax took our suitcases into our room and plopped down on the bed. I soon joined him. He opened up the curtains after I sat down, and we both stared out into the busy Las Vegas nightlife that was about to come over us. There were so many casinos, so many gorgeous lights about to come alive on the buildings. I'm pretty sure I saw a roller coaster and the Eiffel Tower, too.

"This is amazing," Jax replied, making his way over to the bed. He tackled me so that he was now on top of him. "And the fact that I'm here with you makes it even more amazing."

I missed him quickly. I didn't even feel like talking. I didn't want it to end up in a fight. "I'm so ready to beat your ass in blackjack."

"You're on, Teller," he replied back.

* * *

All we could hear from the next room was intense fighting. Oh, boy. This was going to be a fun night.

We all quickly took showers and got ready to make our way down to the casino which was built into the hotel. Opie had declined the invitation to come down with us because he couldn't "stand the sight of Brantli." He had said he would just stay in and watch a movie. He was being immature about the entire situation. I think there was much more to it though.

"Welcome to the Bellagio!" I heard one of the casino attendants greet us. "Will you be gambling tonight?"

"Yes," we all replied back in unison.

"I need to check ID's, please," he asked, as we handed him over our fake ID's. Please God don't notice that they're fake. If he did, Tig was getting a swift kick in the ass. After reviewing them, he smiled at us. "Your first three drinks are complementary. After that, the open bar is around the corner to your right, past the roulette table. Enjoy your time."

Thank God. How embarrassing would that have been if our ID's didn't come back valid?

"What do you guys wanna do first?" Jax asked, putting his arm around me.

"I'm gonna go play penny slots if you guys wanna come with."

"We can meet up with you later. I'm gonna go beat her ass in black jack, if that's okay. Keep your phone close."

"I will," Brantli smiled. I felt bad that she was by herself, but I wasn't going to spoil my husband's good time. We parted off in different directions. The blackjack tables were full, but when two spots became available, Jax grabbed them right away.

"Something to drink for you both?" I heard one of the walking bartenders ask.

"I'll have a Miller. Babe, what would you like?" he asked. I could see her eyes stare at him and look up and down his face and chest. Why did he have to wear a tight black tshirt? Why did he have to smell so damn good? Fuck off, bartender.

"I'll have a piña colada," I replied, regretting my drink choice immediately. I should have just stuck with the beer. Rum and I were not friends.

"Will you two be betting in?" the dealer asked us. The table began to clear out upon our arrival, so it was only the two of us.

"Yes."

"Minimum bets are $40 and maximum is $200," he echoed back as he shuffled the cards.

Jax laid down a whopping $300 on the table, in which the dealer traded him for tips. I stuck to $100. I couldn't blow all of my father's money at the casino.

The dealer placed the cards out in front of Jax, first. He set his two cards out in front of himself as well. Jax flipped his card over: an ace and a seven. Hit, Jax. The dealer had an ace and a two.

"Hit or stand?"

"Hit." Jax had only bet $20, but it still scared me.

The dealer flipped the card over. It was a three. Stand, Jax. Stand. The dealer flipped his card over, too to a six. Eight to twenty.

"Stand." Jax told him. The dealer flipped his card over. It was an eight. He hit himself one more time, and it was a six. 22. Hey, $40 wasn't bad.

I placed $50 on the table. Jax made me feel lucky and confident that we were going to win at least a little bit of money. The dealer placed my cards in front of me. Blackjack. Damn, I couldn't believe it! For as unlucky of a person as I am, I got blackjack. The dealer smiled as the bartender handed us our drinks. He passed me $150 back. Couldn't complain. I was up $100.

We played for a couple more rounds until Jax told me that he wanted to go play roulette. I knew I wasn't going to be any good at it, so we cashed our chips in and parted ways. I wanted to go play slots with Brantli.

"Win anything?" I asked her.

"$200. Nothing special."

I didn't even want to tell her that Jax and I had walked away with a little over $800 from blackjack. "That's good."

"I guess," she replied, taking a sip of her beer.

"What're you all pouty for?"

"Because Op's not here."

"He's the one being a baby about all of this."

"I guess," Brantli replied, as she pulled the handle down on the slots. Fifty more dollars.

"He'll come around."

"Not this time," she chuckled. "I don't think Opie and I are going to last much more. I'm breaking up with him after this is all over."

"I think that might be best for you guys," I told her. I honestly meant it. I couldn't stand seeing either one of them unhappy.

"I love him, Brantli. But he loves that club more. So much more. The girls that have fucked him, sucked him, pleased him more than I ever could."

"Did Jax cheat on me?" I asked her. It was weighing heavy on my mind as I stuck a coin into the receiver.

"Not that I know of."

"You would tell me if he did, right?"

"Of course."

"How do you know Opie cheated?"

"It's just a feeling," she replied.

"Well did you ask him?"

"No."

I pulled down on the handle. Nothing. Damn. "Well, then act like it never happened. The fight, I mean. Do you really want to spend your entire time here moping around?"

"No."

"Well then just drop it."

She shrugged her shoulders and took another sip of her beer. "I'm going back up to the room,"

I let her go, too. I was not about to play her poor, poor, pitiful me act tonight. Jax met up with me when he was done, only to tell me that he won an additional $400.

"Ready to go back upstairs?"

"Sure," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

Well, while night one was pretty boring, I was excited that we won a ton of money. My dad would be thrilled, too. While the casino was fun and all, I knew that it really wasn't my style. This trip was turning sour fast. Hopefully walking the streets in the morning would help out a little bit. Vegas was wide open for us. We needed to enjoy the time that we had to be young. This fighting shit needed to end.

* * *

Waking up in the morning was an amazing feeling. It was a new day, and time to leave behind all of the bad shit that happened yesterday.

"Morning babe," Jax said as we turned over to face the Nevada sunshine beaming in through the windows.

"Morning."

"Want some coffee?" he asked, getting up and throwing on an old pair of sweats. I just wanted to grab onto him and beg him to stay in bed. I was yearning for his body next to mine.

"Yes," I replied, as I got up and threw on his black tshirt from last night. The smell of his cologne still clung onto it. Calvin Klein Obsession. I don't think I could ever forget that smell. It had grown to be a personal favorite of mine. As Jackson started the coffee, I grabbed my cigarettes out of my purse. I opened up the door to the balcony and the air hit me immediately. It was dry and humid, much like Arizona. He came out a few moments later with the coffees, and by then I was onto my second cigarette.

"Remember when you used to say that those smelt like dirt?"

"Oh yeah," I smiled. "They're too good to stop now. It calms me."

"See, now you get it," he chuckled. We were joined seconds later by Opie, whose shirt was off and body covered in hickies. They were fresh, and my only thought was that he and Brantli had made up last night.

"Morning."

"Well good morning," Jax chuckled. "You should put a shirt on, you know. You could blind someone with those."

Opie definitely needed to put one on. No one wanted to see his pierced nipples, tattoos, and love bites this early in the morning. He took a seat next to Jax, and sipped on his coffee slowly.

"You guys win a lot of money last night?"

"A decent amount."

"Thats better than nothing. What're we doing today?"

"You seem to be in a better mood," I replied.

"Don't get me started, Aubs." he chuckled.

Brantli soon joined us, wearing the shirt that Opie apparently forgot to put on. "Morning!"

"Morning!" we all replied back.

She stretched and made her way over to the seat next to me.

"Family meeting time," I started, setting my coffee down. This needed to be done now. I couldn't take this shit anymore.

"Oh goodie," Brantli replied, rolling her eyes.

"I'm serious. This fighting shit has got to stop. If you guys want to fight, you fight behind closed doors. Not in the RV, not in the elevator. This is the last fun thing that we are ever supposed to do together and this is how you guys want to start it off? Fighting over irrelevant ass shit?" everyone just kind of silently looked at me. I had never been the real outspoken one of us, but it needed to be said.

"We're okay now," Opie relied, glancing at us.

"I guess so," I chuckled.

"I don't wanna fight anymore either. With any of you. Let's just have a good day, okay?"

With nods of understanding, we finished our coffee in silence. I had no idea what today had in store, but I was ready. Bring it on, Vegas.

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry the past few chapters were kind of lame. There will be a lot of fluff, a lot of saying goodbye, and a lot of partying in the next chapters that involve the trip. After that, there's alot of stuff that's going to happen. I'm hoping to only have a couple of trip chapters, but who knows. I always like to leave it with an Aubrey statement or a cliffhanger. Bare with me! Keep reading, and reviewing. I love that tou guys love this story so much. I'll try to get a couple more chapters up tonight. Have a good weekend everyone!**


	42. Chapter 42

_Aurora and Harley,_

_The old saying goes what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. We have stuck by this for as long as we could remember. But honestly, this expression doesn't always hold true. See, what happens in Vegas can result in you thinking about all of the bad shit that's happened in your life, skydiving off of the top of a building, hot air balloon riding over the city, indulging in a frozen hot chocolate, and questioning why you got married in the first place. Let me explain._

* * *

After our impromptu "family meeting" that morning, we had decided to spend the morning relaxing. We took a dip in the hotel pool and laid out in the sun for a couple of hours. When the heat started bothering us and the water no longer satisfied our thrill seeking minds, we decided to get ready for the day. It took all of us about two hours to get ready and grab a bite to eat. We kept the meal light because the heat was really starting to mess with our stomaches. We decided to go down and walk the strip to see what we were surrounded by.

Vegas was a place unlike any other. You know me, I've always loved the city. But Vegas was a city unlike any that I've ever been to. The people that crowded the downtown streets was enormous: a lot of people in the early 20s, a couple of families, and a lot of older folks, too. There were so many hotels, shops, casinos, and wedding chapels surrounding us. We had passed a lot on our way to our next adventure. We would walk into a store on occasion and browse the contents of it, and even stop to do a little gambling along the way. The gambling came mostly from Op, who didn't get to partake in any last night. When we reached a destination that we thought might pump some energy into our veins, I was a little shocked. I had never seen a structure as big as the Stratosphere. It was huge. As I looked up to the array of thrill seeking rides I knew that we were all in for something. I knew that if I rode any of these rides I would soon lose my breakfast. I was terrified of heights and rickety roller coasters. I got sick just thinking of how high up everything was and how tiny the buildings would look once we got up there. When the guys decided that this was what we were going to do, Brantli quicklyl agreed to join in. I knew that if I sat any of this out I would be pissed at myself for the longest time. So, with a deep breath I boarded the elevator with them and the array of people in front of us. We rode a couple of the roller coasters: one that even shot us forward and tipped us over the side of the obnoxiously tall building. We rode the highest roller coaster in the world, too which wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. Then, the guys really saw something that caught their eyes: the SkyJump. It was pretty much like skydiving without jumping off of a plane. Jackson had wanted to go down and do this as a couple, and of course I couldn't tell him no. How many times has he done stuff that he didn't want to do?

As we suited up and put our helmet on, the instructor strapped the bungee chord onto us. "How safe is this?" I asked.

"Very safe," he said, smiling. Brantli and Opie decided to sit it out because Brantli got sick after the roller coaster and I'm pretty sure Opie had the same fear of heights as I did. But that didn't stop Jackson Teller from wanting to do this. We faced each other and clung on tight, as we hopped off of the edge of the building, the bungee chord dropping us down nearly 865 feet. I screamed the entire way down. I'm pretty sure I cried and peed my pants a little, too.

"Wooooo! That was awesome!" Jax yelled as soon as we were level with the building behind us. "I wanna go back up now!" I yelled. The instructor held us there for a good two minutes or so. I was not happy with this. My screams started getting louder. I began kicking my feet. But after it all sank in, I looked down and was completely blown away by the city below us. We were finally pulled back up and to tell you the truth I was a little sad about it. And then I got sick and felt so much better.

"You guys wanna go eat?" Brantli asked.

"Didn't you just get sick?" Opie asked her.

"Yeah, but now I'm hungry. Duh."

* * *

We headed back down the strip to find a restaurant that looked somewhat appealing to us. We settled quickly on "Dick's Last Resort" and I think the guys only chose it for the name.

As we walked in, the staff was very...well, rude looking. Not a one of them looked thrilled about their jobs or to be here.

"Good afternoon, do you want a fucking table or a booth?" I was appalled. What did the hostess just ask us?!

"A fucking booth sounds great," Jax replied, as he laughed.

"What are you laughing at, preppy?"

"Great comeback," Jax replied. The hostess escorted us to a booth in the center of the room. She threw the menus down in front of us. Our waiter walked over to our booth, looking more thrilled than the hostess was.

"Hey guys."

"Hi."

"Something to drink?"

"Beers all around," Opie instructed.

"You guys old enough to drink? You look like high school seniors. Let me guess, someone is turning 21?"

"Nope, here on vacation."

"You guys picked the wrong spot to dine," he chuckled. "I'll be back with the beers soon, big bear," our waiter said as he made his way towards the bar.

"What the hell kind of place is this?" I asked.

Jax shrugged. "I have no idea," he whispered, as our waiter came back with our beers. He set them down in front of us and said that appetizers were half off for the next couple of hours. We told him to give us a couple of minutes to look over the menu, which he did and then returned with these obnoxious looking paper hats.

"You guys want a hat?"

"Can we get food first?" Jax asked.

"Oh no, you're gonna want to wear the hat," he said, looking around at the half full dining room. I graciously accepted it, and Brantli soon declined.

"Prom queen worried about ruining her hair?" he asked.

"Excuse me?" she huffed.

"And why won't you two put on the hat? You afraid your girlfriend is going to make fun of you? She's the one that looks like a dork."

"You told me to wear it!" I chuckled.

"Do you give into everything everyone tells you? You tell your boyfriend to do things to, right? Do you have him whipped?"

"Woah, hey chill out man!" Jax was getting pissed. It was hilarious.

"Woah what're you gonna do there, preppy?"

Jax didn't even say anything. I really didn't feel like going to jail as an accomplice to an assault charge: in Vegas, at that.

"That's what I though," he laughed. "What can I get you guys?"

As we ordered our food, he put it in then came back to the table. We were fine on drinks. We weren't starving, but we were hungry. What could he want now?

"Where are you guys from?" he asked us.

"Cali," Brantli replied, placing the hat on her bleach blonde hair.

"Bel-Air? No, no. I've got it. Beverly Hills, right? You guys hang out with movie stars and stuff?"

"Far from," Jax laughed.

"Not you, preppy. I was talking about your girls. Although, the brunette one looks like she couldn't pull a date to save her life," he chuckled.

"We're married," I told him and I knew it was a mistake as soon as those words came out of my mouth.

"Oh man. She's really got you whipped!" he yelled, giving us a full belly laugh.

"It was actually his idea," I laughed. Apparently, it was his job to insult us so I had decided to play along.

"Damn, well. Good luck. Marriages suck. They are the end to life as you know it," he replied. "So, what do you guys do out in California?"

"Nothing at all," I laughed.

"You guys like just graduate college or something? What do you all do for a living?"

"College, college," I said, pointing to myself and Brantli. "The guys are in the Army."

"These whipped sons of bitches are in the army? Well, you do know what Army stands for, right? Aren't real men yet," he laughed.

I thought Jax was going to jump over the table and choke him. Opie, too. I would have been terrified if I was the server. I had to intervene.

"Is our food ready yet?"

"I'll go check, sugar lips." he said, winking at us. Thank god our food was ready, because after that Army burn we sat in silence. I had never eaten faster in my entire life.

"Hey guys, how is your food?" it was a different guy this time, and he looked like the manager.

"Fine," we all replied in a chorus of unison.

"I'm George, I'm the manager here at Dicks Last Resort. You guys ever been here before?"

"No," we said, with our mouths full of food.

"Well, I don't know if you have caught on but what we do is make fun of our guests. We try to find out a little about you and insult you. It's all in good humor. Paul, your server, told me that you guys are in the Army and he feels awful about what he said. We wanted to let you know that your meal is comped and we thank you for your service, gentleman."

Jax's face turned white. I could tell he felt bad. "Thank you, so much sir. Can you let Paul know that he did a great job? He truly did."

"I'll let him know,"

We all couldn't help but laugh after that. I was the giddiest out of all of us. We ended up tipping him $75, way more than I know our meal had cost. But, since it was all in good humor and they didn't find it funny, making the poor guy scared of them, we only felt that it was right.

* * *

"Where to now?" we asked, as we made our way out of the restaurant.

"I'm ready for a nap," Opie laughed. "How about you guys?"

"A nap sounds good."

The guys had decided that they just wanted to stay in at the hotel and gamble and watch some television. But, Brantli had other plans in mind. While a relaxing night in sounded like the perfect way to cap this day off, I knew that I had to go with Brantli.

"No fighting tonight, okay Rocky Balboa?" Jax asked, as I applied the finishing touches to my outfit. Brantli had wanted to head down to Margaritaville and I had worn an oversized white tshirt over my bikini top, jeans, and a pair of flip flops.

I cringed, thinking back to the fight that I got into in downtown New York. I knew that I didn't want to beat anyone's ass tonight, so all I could do was smile and tell him that I would be safe. As Brantli and I made our way down the strip to the bar, she had simply said that she wanted to get drunk to drown her sorrows out. While getting drunk sounded great, I knew that tequila and Brantli didn't mix real well. Neither did tequila and I. We really weren't the best of friends. The bar was completley packed by the time that we got there, but luckily we found two seats at the main bar after asking an older man and his wife if they wouldn't mind moving down. When they agreed, Brantli ordered both of us tall, sangria margaritas. And damn, did they taste good. Each sip was smoother than the last.

"This is just the pre-game place."

"Oh, really?" I asked her.

"Uh huh. There's a dance club down the strip a little ways that I saw this afternoon. It's pulsing with energy."

"Can't we go tomorrow?"

"I mean, we could. But Aubrey, you don't understand. I'm in this state of mind where all I wanna do is drink!"

* * *

On our third margarita, I cut myself off and let Brantli keep going. She could normally handle her alcohol pretty well. That was, until a hot guy made his way over to us and took a seat at one of the unoccupied bar stools.

"Well, howdy," he said, smiling at Brantli.

"Howdy," she said, smiling.

"What's your name, baby doll?"

"Brantli. You?"

"I'm Tucker. You're awfully beautiful."

I hope this guy knows to not compliment her, especially when she's drinking. She'll give into.

"Thank you," she replied, blushing. "This is Aubrey."

"Howdy ma'am. You both are some lookers. What are a couple of single girls like you doing out alone on a Saturday night?"

"Oh, no we aren't..."

"We are just having some fun," she replied, flipping her hair.

"Where y'all from?"

"Cali!" Brantli yelled, finishing off her margarita and asking for a strawberry one this time around. I was perfectly content with my water.

"Ah, I hear it's beautiful there. Not as beautiful as you are, of course. But I hear good things about the place."

"Where are you from?" she asked, as the overhead song changed to another freaking Jimmy Buffett one. I was ready to rip my hair out.

"Texas," he said, smiling and sipping on his beer. I was letting her do most of the talking.

"Awesome."

"Your friend sure is quiet."

"That's because she's married and doesn't know how to have fun anymore!" she said, slightly slurring her words. I made the bartender set an ice water out next to her drink when she wasn't paying attention.

"Do you know how to have fun?"

"Hell yeah!" she replied, as she removed her gray tshirt and exposed her ocean blue bikini top. She then proceeded to get on the bar, and I grabbed her hand and pulled her down immediately. How embarrassing...

As they continued talking, dancing, and drinking way too much for their own good, I asked for the check. I needed to get her out of here and fast. Especially when they started grinding and making out on the dance floor. I had begged her to go. Pleaded.

"Jax said there's an emergency at the hotel. We need to go," I said, trying to make up some sort of lie on the spot.

"What kind of?" she asked. Oh man, she was gone. She wasn't even forming sentences at this point.

"I don't know, but we have to go."

"I'm not leaving. Tell Jax to figure that shit out on his own."

"Well, then fine. I'll go help them."

"Bye, Felicia!" she yelled.

* * *

I was pissed by the time I got back to the hotel room. I could feel my blood pressure rising. What was I supposed to do, drag her out of there? If not me, I knew someone that would.

"You girls have fun?" Jax asked me as I made my way into the living room. They were watching old re-runs of The Simpsons on television.

"Where's Brantli?" Opie asked.

"I left her at the bar."

"Why?"

"She was being annoying. Dancing on another guy, making out with him. You need to go down there."

I never saw someone throw shoes on as fast I did Opie in that moment. "What bar is she at?"

"The House."

As Opie stormed out of the hotel room, I knew that we would be witnessing World War Three.

"Why did you leave her?"

"She was being crazy, Jax! There's something wrong with her."

"Yeah, that's for sure."

"Maybe she's not crazy. Maybe she's lost."

And indeed it was WWIII when Opie and her got back into the hotel room. Opie's knuckles were bleeding and Brantli had his shirt over her bikini top.

"How the fuck could you?!"

"Opie shut the fuck up! You don't know the shit that I've been through with you!" she yelled, slamming her keys down on the counter. She could barely stand. Her makeup was dripping down her face. Jax and I decided to go hide in our room like we were children witnessing their parents fight for the first time. We were listening through the cracks of the door.

"What about what I've been through with you?! You go out at all hours of the night and make out with strange guys. What were you going to do? Go back to his hotel room and let him have his way with you?"

"Excuse me?!" she yelled. "You're the one that's been cheating on me!"

"You're crazy! I've never once cheated on you!"

"Those girls in the clubhouse? You're telling me that you don't get your dick sucked."

"Not a damn one! But boy were you quick to make out with a guy on that dance floor."

"Well you sure ended that!"

"You're my girlfriend, Brant! You're my fucking girlfriend. How do you think I felt seeing you grind up on a guy in the club like you're some kind of slut?!"

"Take that back!" she yelled, throwing something in the living room. "You don't look at me the same since I told you I was raped! We don't kiss, we don't make love. You are a monster and you can't stand the fact that something like that happened to me!"

"Fuck you, slut. I accepted that. I accepted you. Do you know why I stayed with you all of these years? You thought you were pregnant! My god, do you imagine if we would have brought a child into this world?!"

"I was never pregnant, Opie! You could have left me long ago. There's guys out there..."

"No guy is going to love you the way I do. No guy wants you, Brantli. You're Boston trash that just decided that she would go to Juilliard to prove all of us wrong."

"What're you gonna do, Opie? Are you going to hit me?" she asked and I could sense the fear in her voice.

"No, hell no! You aren't worth it. You're not worth it anymore. Piece of Boston ass trash. I can't believe I was actually going to ask you to marry me tomorrow," he said, as he walked to his coat and dug out a box. He threw it against her chest, and I could tell by the way it landed on the floor.

"Opie."

"Nothing is going to save this, Brantli. Fuck you, I'm done."

I couldn't even believe what I was hearing.

"What are we going to do? We still have seven more cities to go to."

"I'll ride it out for them two. My best friends in there. You just had to come along and ruin everything, didn't you?! You had to ruin something that the three of us had for years. I cannot wait to go to the Army."

"Opie."

"If you want to act single, then there you go. You're free. Be single. I hope I fucking get killed so that I don't have to deal with you anymore."

I knew what was going to happen. They would make up tonight and all of this would be over. For some reason, God only knows I started trying. I think it was the Patron.

"You didn't mess around with those girls, right?"

"Don't start Aubrey."

"I'm serious. I don't ever want to argue with you the way that they just did. I want the truth."

"Why would I let one of those girls do to me what my wife can do so much better? I would never cheat on you," he replied, pulling me closer to his chest. "I love you. I would never say any of that to you. You are the best thing in my life right now."

"Jax," I smiled through the tears.

"Let's do something by ourselves tomorrow. That's what we should have done this entire time. Taken this trip as our honeymoon. Let's enjoy our last night in Vegas together."

* * *

And we did. We thoroughly enjoyed our last night in Vegas together. We were both too pissed to say anything to either of them when we woke up, so we managed to sneak out of the hotel without a problem. We kicked off the morning by playing penny slots, then Jax surprised me with tickets to a tour of the desert in an off roading Jeep. We explored the area around Vegas, and it was a hell of a good time. We went to Serendipity 3 and indulged in a frozen hot chocolate and two huge pieces of red velvet cake. When that was over, Jax took me on a tour of the city in a hot air balloon ride that extended far beyond and over into Red Rock Canyon. We enjoyed dinner at the hotel buffet before an Elvis impersonator show and a spur of the moment magic and illusions show. We stopped at this little shop and bought tshirts that said "We Did Vegas" on them, with "Bride" and "Groom" etched on the back, followed by the number 96. Even though we had been married for a couple of months now, we were still in our honeymoon phase. We ended the night by watching the fountain show in front of our hotel. It was really romantic, actually. The fountains changed colors, and flowed perfectly to the cheesy pop songs played in the background.

"You okay?" Jax asked, as he pulled me closer. "Is Vegas everything that you thought it would be?"

"Kind of," I laughed. "It's better now that I'm with you."

"I was beginning to think the same thing."

"Why did you marry me?" I asked. It just sort of came out. I didn't even know where it came from, to be honest with you. It had just been weighing heavy on my mind and my heart since we said our vows to one another.

"What kind of question is that?" he asked.

"A good one. One to make you think."

"I can't honestly answer that, baby. You know why I married you. Because I love you."

Why wouldn't he tell me more? Or why? I just shrugged it off, and didn't harp on it much more.

"I married you so I could kiss you all of the time," I chuckled. "Wherever, whenever."

He kissed me under the fountain show, and we quickly took a picture by it before the show ended. It would be our last of many pictures that we would take in Vegas. The first city opened my eyes more than I thought it would. I had never been happier to be leaving somewhere in my life. I wanted to put all of the bad shit behind us and focus on Jax and I. The trip was about saying goodbye, but I don't think I could say goodbye to him after a day like this. It was becoming so much harder to think that he wouldn't be by me anymore. It was okay that he didn't know why he married me. And, honestly I didn't know why I married him either.


	43. Chapter 43

Nothing sucks more than getting a call from your husbands recruiter in the middle of the night telling him that they moved up the date of his basic training. Instead of being sent on the last day of August, he would really be leaving on the fourteenth of the month instead. It was only June, but it was right at the tail end. We only had a couple more weeks left on our trip, so we had to eliminate a few cities. These were Austin and Cape Cod, but the guys had begged that we go to Sturgis for the motorcycle rally before going back to Charming. Apparently all of the guys were going to be there and wanted to say goodbye in the proper fashion. I mean, how could we say no? Well I knew I couldn't say no, but Brantli could say no. She wasn't with Opie anymore. Well, today at least they weren't together. They'd be back together by the end of the week, I'm sure.

Well, I hoped.

The next stop on our trip was Nashville, Tennessee. It was a place that I had wanted to go since I was a little girl. Country music wasn't just a music genre to me. It was more of a lifestyle routine. I had been raised on everything from Waylon Jennings to Shania Twain and while country music wasn't the same back in the 1990s as it is in 2015, this music genre was something that I would forever love. And how could you not? Country music told stories that we were too afraid to tell and helped us out of even our darkest hours.

While leaving Las Vegas was a breath of fresh air, the road to Nashville was a long one. It would be the longest camper ride that we would take on the trip: a whopping 26 hours. If you factored in traffic and the stops that we made a long the way, it was more like a day and a half trip. But, I was so excited that I didn't care how long it took. Jax had already known that I was going to be a sponge in Music City, and he didn't mind it too much. They were fans of the music, sure but not as much as I was. I don't think anyone loved country music more in our small town than I did.

By the time we reached hour twelve, nighttime was crawling upon us. Opie had decided to drive for the better half of the trip there, because if he sat with Brantli I'm sure he would have ripped her head off.

"Wanna play another game?" she asked Jax and I as we began dozing off.

"Ugh," I groaned, shifting upright in my seat. "It's not picnic, is it? Or punch buggy?"

"No," she chuckled, letting out a small sigh. "It's called 'I've Never'"

"Sounds lame." Jax said.

"It's not, I promise. What you do is hold up five fingers. And each one of us is going to say something. Like, 'I've never skinny dipped.' If you have, you would put a finger down. If you haven't, keep it up. Whoever has the most fingers at the end, wins." she smiled.

"I mean, I guess," I said, shrugging. Whatever made her stop singing Janis Joplin. I hated that we were all in such horrible moods. Jax, Brantli, and myself held up five fingers while Opie focused on the road in front of him.

"Hm. I've never streaked around the neighborhood."

No fingers went down. My turn was next. "I've never been so drunk that I fell asleep on someone while having sex."

"I'm calling bullshit!" Jax yelled. "You fell asleep on me when we were having drunk sex before! Don't act like little miss innocent!"

"You need to pick another if you did that!" Brantli yelled.

"Ugh, fine. Okay. I've never been arrested."

Brantli's finger went down like I knew it would. Surprisingly, so did Jax's...what was he arrested for?

"What the hell were you arrested for?" I asked. I was kind of upset that he never told me.

"Running that red light up on Chapel Hill Road. I gave Unser shit and he decided to arrest me."

"When was this?" I asked.

"Right after I got my temporary license. When you were in Arizona."

"Thanks for telling me!" I yelled.

"Okay, I've never..." Jax started, changing the topic of the conversation almost immediately. "I've never had carpet burns from having sex before."

I put a finger down. Damn you, Jax. Because you knew you did it to me every. Single. Time. Brantli put her finger down too.

"I've never shoplifted." No one's fingers went down.

"I've never played strip poker." Jax said, going out of turn when I couldn't think of anyone.

No one's fingers went down.

"I've never driven a motorcycle before." I knew I would get Jax with that one. Brantli put her finger down, too. "Who let you drive their bike?"

"Jax," she said, smiling at me.

"How come you've never let me drive your bike?"

"It was a dare," he said.

"Another thing that happened while I was in Arizona?"

"Yep," Jax said. I could tell he wanted to drop it, but I needed to know more.

"I've never made out with anyone in this room other my significant other." I said.

"You can't go twice," Brantli told me.

"Just answer it!" I yelled.

Both Jax and Brantli put their fingers down. I couldn't do anything more than walk away. Jax soon followed after me, and Brantli sat there as still as a statue. "Thought you weren't going to tell her?" Opie asked.

"Shut up, Opie."

"How the fuck could you?!" I exploded as soon as we shut the door behind us. "How could you make out with my best friend?!"

"Aubrey,"

"Don't you 'Aubrey' me! When did it happen?! Why?!"

"The night that you left for Arizona...I was a mess. I had smoked and drank a lot and Brantli asked me if I wanted to go to Ledges to this party with her 'cause Opie wasn't feeling up to it. I said yeah, cause I was in a real messed up place. We got to talking and she told me about all of these dreams that she had and I felt bad for her. She was lost, I was lost. The girl still is lost, but I mean it was way worse than now. She had just lost her best friend and I lost my girlfriend. I didn't know what to do and it just happened."

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I wanted to...so many times. I wanted to tell you the same time I told you about the Army, the same time I told you everything. But things just happened so fast..."

"Yeah, you're damn right they did!"

"I don't want to argue with you. That was three years ago."

"Was it the only time you ever made out with someone other than me?" I asked. I didn't want to know the answer, but I kept telling myself that I did.

"Yes, baby. I promise. You know that I would never hurt you or try to keep anything from you. Being lost can make you do crazy things. You've said it yourself about a million times."

"Jax, I don't know if I can trust you any more. I just keep thinking if you made out with her, what else have you done behind my back?"

"Nothing, I swear to God. If there was something, you know I would have told you."

"Just like you told me about this, right? I don't like secrets, Jackson. I hate secrets, especially when they're coming from the guy that I married who promised to be honest and truthful to me."

He swallowed hard. "I know."

"Have fun with Brantli out there. I'm just gonna stay in here and get some rest."

"But we're stopping soon. Don't you wanna sit up there with me while I drive?"

"That's what you've got Brantli for now!" I said, staring down at my ring on my finger. I took it off. It felt weird, I hadn't taken either of them off since the wedding. I placed it on the dresser beside me as his face turned redder. I just...I didn't know what to do.

"I'm gonna take the first flight back to LA in the morning."

"Aubrey don't be like this. We can get through this. It happened so long ago. Please, babe. Don't leave."

"Why weren't you saying this to me when I was going to Arizona?" I asked. I slid my ring back on my finger. I couldn't be without it.

"Back to this shit again? That was three years ago," I could tell that he was using his words a lot more careful than Opie did during his fights with Brantli. "You came back. We ended up getting married. We have a good relationship going. We have a great marriage. We both are doing these wonderful things with our lives."

"You never told me not to go the first time. Was it because you wanted a taste of what it would be like if I never came back home? You know if your dad never died I would have never came back to Charming. You and Brantli might even be together now."

"Don't say that," Jax said, as he made his way over to me. He was standing less than an inch apart from me. He grabbed the belt loops of my jeans and pulled me even closer to him. "Don't you ever say that. Kissing her was a mistake. It's one that I've gotta live with for the rest of my life. But marrying you? That wasn't a mistake at all. It's one that I wanted to do. I wanted to make you my wife. While I'm not saying that I'm happy my dad died, I am happy that it brought you back into my arms. There's days that I run through that airport parking lot dialogue in my head and I just think of all of the ways that I could have begged you to stay. That I could have told you not to go. But, I think you went for the best. I think you came back into my arms by some amazing force of the universe. Whatever it is, I wouldn't want it any other way." as he kissed me gently, running his fingers through my mess of brunette hair, I knew that I hated fighting with him. I loved the making up part though. His kisses were sweet, and despite the rocking of the bus at felt at ease in his arms. I knew that he hadn't meant to kiss her. That they were just lost and needed some support and someone to lean on. But, still despite the sweet kisses I had to stop and think: was Brantli the only girl that he kissed while we were together or would he wait another three years to tell me about the other girls?

* * *

Arriving in Nashville the next afternoon was a picture that I wished I could keep in my head for the longest time. Downtown was this perfect little atmosphere buzzing with music and different people. They were probably all chasing the dream of becoming country music singers. It was a popular one on these streets. We had went cheaper for our hotel this time and while it was no Bellagio, it was a Best Western. It sat right in the middle of Music Row and had a small couch, kitchen, bathroom, and one bedroom in. I definitely was going to lose my shit. Opie had taken his spot on the couch for the night and started laying his clothes out in neat piles on the floor. I was just happy to not be sleeping in the camper for another night.

"What do you guys wanna do?" Jax asked, as we finished unpacking. We knew we had about three or four nights here, then three or four up in Memphis before heading off to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

"I don't know," I said coldly to him.

"Want to just walk around? Grab a bite to eat?"

"I guess," I shrugged.

Brantli chirped up at this point. "Food sounds good. Op, you wanna come too?"

We decided to go to this little barbecue joint downtown. We dressed comfortably, because we knew we wanted to walk around. I loved the south. The air was just enough mixture of warmth and humidity, the locals were really nice, the tea was sweet, and the food was out of this world. True, down home cooking was something that I had missed being in Charming all of these years.

"So, hey tomorrow I was thinking we head out to a couple of museums and stuff. There's a lot of cool things to do around Nashville."

No one spoke up after I said those words. We knew that if we went out tonight and all drank, we were going to just fight with one another and I was not trying to cause havoc down here.

"There's the Country Music Hall of Fame, the Johnny Cash Museum. RCA studio B. We could go catch a show at the Grand Ole Opry or something, too."

"I don't like country music," Opie replied.

"I'll just go by myself then. Since you guys want to act like this," I replied, taking a bite of my cornbread.

"I'll go with you, babe. I never said that I wouldn't," Jax replied.

"I don't know why Opie is acting like this," I said, making sure that he heard me loud and clear.

"Because I don't want to be here. I'm asking for an earlier ship date our to bootcamp. Once I leave you guys are on your own."

"Quit being like this, dude."

"Oh, really? I'm not the one that kissed my best friends girlfriend!"

"I thought we were done with all of this?" Brantli asked.

"Oh, so now you want to speak up?" I asked her.

I looked around and noticed most of the people were staring at us. "Have some manners, you guys. Enough with the fighting already," I said, lowering my tone to a whisper.

* * *

We didn't even walk around after dinner. I found this real nice, quiet spot outside of our hotel room. It was a garden, surrounded by flowers and a fountain. I could hear the music booming from the bars and the hummed guitar strings on the streets. Why did these people not have a care in the world?

Being alone with my thoughts was something that had alarmed me for years, but as I opened my notebook and placed the pen on the paper, I just let the words flow. I still, to this day don't know what I was writing for or who I was writing too. I guess maybe you girls, Harley and Aurora. I can't remember all that I wrote, but I do remember some portions of it.

_This was supposed to be the summer to say goodbye. And now it's turning downhill. I see the way he looks at me now. Like there's not a care in the world. That we're young and free and going to grow up and make a family and do all of these other dreams that we had talked about all of those years ago. When you talk about a dream, you try to make it real. You want nothing more than to live out each moment of those dreams that you have built for yourself. In five years, I'll be 23. I want to be just graduating from college, starting my life as a broadcast journalist or maybe even a young author. Maybe I'll dabble a little in psychology so that I can teach girls that it's okay to be lost when you lose people in your family. Teach people that once someone gets sick and gets cancer that it is okay to feel sorry for them and want to help them because they are sick. In ten years, I want to have kids. I can't see myself having kids. Bringing children into this world only to have them go through what I went through. I couldn't see doing that to two innocent souls, untouched by their surroundings._

I drew a line on the paper and simply titled it: **SAMCRO**.

_What is it about this club that turns everyone angry? I thought it was supposed to be about brotherhood and love and all this other shit that they learned in the war. When did it change and focus on drugs and violence? When did the guys that we loved in it turn against one another, their only goal in mind to get richer or die trying? Was my brother one to want to get rich? Did he have a motive jumping in front of Jax that night? Did he want to die or was he just too scared to live anymore? What if I'm just too scared to live anymore? Your mind can be such a wandering place. What was I really scared of? Losing Jax: yes. Definitely. But losing myself and who I am in the process? Not worth it. Is marriage worth it any more? Why did I marry him in the first place. I could have picked a lawyer or a business man but no, I picked Jax Teller. But why? Why did I pick him? I loved him, yes. But did he love me, too? When he looked into my eyes did he see all of the things that he wanted five or ten years down the road? Did it involve children, a happy marriage? A little pink house with a white picket fence and a Harley in the driveway out front? Could he really come back from the Army after being dismissed and just go back to doing outlaw stuff? God he had so much more potential than that! Maybe I'm scared of the girl that I am without him. Without Charming. Without all of the hope that knowing if things got worse he would get out and try to better things. Better our lives. Go to school and make something of himself. Maybe, maybe I was afraid of everything that could go wrong and needed to focus on the things that could go right._ I shut my notebook when I heard footsteps approach me. They weren't Jax's or Brantli's, but they did sound familiar. As I saw his tall figure peer behind one of the rose bushes, I knew it was Opie.

"What're you doing out here all by yourself?" he asked, joining me on my small bench.

"Thinking," I replied, tucking my notebook under the seat. "What're you doing out here?"

"We don't have a balcony, so I wanted to come out here and smoke."

"What's going on up there?"

"A whole lot of nothing. Brantli's doing her nails, Jax is sitting in the bed. Last I checked I think he was sleeping."

"When did we get to be so old and boring?" I laughed. Normally, in a new city like this we would have killed to be going out and dancing, pouring down shots with the locals, listening to live music.

Opie laughed. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure I saw a gray hair the other day, too and I think that terrified me more than you'll ever understand."

I gave him a slight nudge. "You upset about Brantli?"

"Yah, I am. I try to just brush it off and lash out but I'm hurt. I'm really, really hurt."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm upset at her too. I mean come on. Kissing Jax? She knew what she was going to be getting herself into doing that. How dare she. She's my best friend. That's like breaking a girl code rule or something, right?"

"Something," Opie laughed. "I love Brantli, very much. I'm always going to love her. That girl is the light at the end of my tunnel. But lately, we have just been drifting apart. She starts talking about marriage and I get scared and don't know what the hell to tell her because, well because she wouldn't understand. She thinks the world revolves around her. She's always saying why aren't we together like Aubrey and Jax? I get so sick of it. She has in her mind this perfect little fairytale life and then she sees you guys and it only makes her want it more. The only thing that we do right is make love and hell if that rarely happens anymore. I love her. I want to marry her. But this is not the Brantli that I met freshman year and fell head over heels for. This is not the same girl at all. And I don't know what changed, maybe this Juilliard shit went to her head or..."

"Or, maybe it's you, Opie. Did you ever think that it just might be you? It might be Sons?"

"No," he said, taking a long drag of his cigarette. "I never really realized that it could be Sons. Br the club doesn't change you."

"For some guys it does. Jax told me that it's even becoming unsafe to raise a family around."

"Oh, yeah. Well, Aubrey I mean you gotta get out if you can. It's going to suck you in. I mean, yeah sure there's violence. I'm not going to tell you that there's not. But why bring kids into that environment?"

"We grew up around it. We're okay."

"No, we aren't. We're too fucked up to function sometimes," he replied, laughing. I laughed too. I loved talks with Opie. Sometimes, his opinions on things are a lot different than Jax's and it was good having someone else there for you.

"Why did he kiss her?"

"She kissed him, Aubs. You really think he would do that to you? He knew that it wasn't intentional and we vowed to never tell you because of all of the shit going on. It's not like he has wild sex with all of these other girls. He loves you. He looks at you and you can just tell it by his eyes and the way his heart is like pulsing out of his chest. That boy is always going to love you, Aubrey. And I think you guys made the right choice by getting married."

"Are you and Brantli going to be okay?"

"I think maybe she and I need to try and have a conversation first. One that doesn't involve fighting and is far away from the bedroom."

I chuckled. "Is it still wrong of me to be mad at Jax?"

"No, I mean you can be mad at him for as long as you want. It's your choice if you take something away from this trio or not. I'm going to go talk to Brantli. Be the bigger person and try to reason with her. You go talk to Jax. Tell him how you feel. You know he'll understand,"

"Thanks, Op," I replied, giving him a side hug.

"Anytime, baby girl."


	44. Chapter 44

After my talk with Opie that night, I decided to have him go get Jax for me. I bought a bottle of wine from the bar, and set out one of the hotel blankets in the middle of the garden. When he came outside, he smiled sheepishly at me.

"What's all this for?" he asked.

"Because. Well, I know it's not romantic but I did want to say that I was sorry."

He took a seat next to me on the blanket, kicking off his Jordan's before laying down next to me. "What are you sorry for?"

"Over reacting," I said, pouring us both a glass. "I shouldn't have went off on you like that. I know what happened happened a long time ago. And you forgave me for kissing Matt. I need to forgive you for accepting Brantli's kiss."

Jax laughed. "Baby, all of that is just water under the bridge. Do you see where we are right now? We're in the city that you've dreamed of going to since you were a little girl. We are happily married, and here with one another. I don't think I would want to spend it any other way."

* * *

Waking up that morning, I was so excited. I barely slept last night because I knew today was going to be our touristy day of the entire trip. I guess that's the routine that we were going for: relaxing one night, touring the next, and then going out that same night, and then fighting if we made it through the whole drinking fiasco.

The morning started off with hurried cups of coffee and breakfast. We all dressed pretty nicely, because we really didn't want to go back to the hotel to change later, especially if we were having a good time. I threw on a pair of jeans and a plain tshirt, curled my hair and put on a pair of black cowboy boots on my feet. They were kind of beaten up, but I bought them back in Arizona with my mom and could feel a part of her here with me as I walked these streets.

"Should we get a tour guide?" Opie asked, as Jax wrapped his arm around me upon exiting the Best Western.

"We don't have to," I replied. "I mean, we can't get that lost walking."

"We're walking?" Brantli asked, kind of bummed out.

"Yes?" I asked, and I couldn't help but laugh. It was around 10:30 when we began walking. It was a little confusing, and most of the time we would stop to hear people performing on the streets. I was thrilled when we finally made it to the Country Music Hall of Fame. On the outside of the building, it was painted to look like a piano. Upon entry, I could just feel a nostalgic state set over me. I had never been here before, but I could remember all of those summers when my dad and brothers would play the songs of some of these legends in here. When we first walked in, we noticed a lot of Elvis memorabilia. Then, we noticed a ton of Hank Williams stuff, including the car that he crashed when he passed away. There was a section devoted to the Bakersfield Sound, and a ton of Johnny Cash stuff, too. One of my favorite things had to be the wall of records. There were so many platinum records of so many artists including Patsy Cline's _"Crazy"_ and George Jones'_ "He Stopped Loving Her Today." _God I was just in complete awe of the place. Another favorite of mine? The huge ballroom with the inductee's pictures on the wall and the words** "Will the Circle Be Unbroken"** up at the top. That song was a staple to any country music fan, and was sung by The Carter Family, symbolizing the circle in country music that couldn't be broken, life, and death. It was mostly sung at funerals. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm pretty sure we played it at my me-maws. On the outside, there was something that looked similar to the Hollywood Walk of Fame and had stars with all of these artist's names on them. After we left, we headed straight for RCA Studio B and a couple of run-down souvenir shops. We even attended a tour of the Grand Ole Opry at the spur of the moment and I felt like I could faint at any moment, thinking of all of the stars that once performed here on this stage. When that was all said and done, we decided to stop in for a drink at the Bluebird Cafe, which featured some up and coming artist named Blake Shelton who I guess just moved here. He was okay, I didn't really find his music all that thrilling. Aurora and Harley, I would soon be wrong because you know how huge of a Blake Shelton fan I am now. I will forever kick myself in the ass for not thinking he was good when I first saw him.

* * *

When the drinks at the cafe didn't suit our needs, we decided to hit up on of the local honkytonks in the area. The place was jumping with fast paced country music, and reminded me a lot of the bar back at home.

"What do you guys want to drink?" I heard one of the bartenders ask us as soon as we all walked in. We settled on more beer, and made our way to a table in the corner. The beers went down way too smooth, and then we started taking shots. One shot after another, the dancing began, most of us too drunk to even stand up. But there was laughing. There was joking. It was something between the four of us that I hadn't seen in a long time and I was really excited about it. I took a dance break and Jax joined me while Brantli and Opie stayed at the table. Once we returned, Brantli kind of started flirting with Jax and I was getting pissed. The way she was looking at him threw me off.

"Can you stop staring at my husband please?"

"Can you tell him not to look so damn hot?" she asked me.

"Excuse me?" I pierced through my teeth. Jax had to grab onto my arms to prevent me from kicking her ass.

"Alright, I think that's enough whiskey for all of us," Opie replied, trying to turn her attention away from Jax.

"Let's get one thing straight here. You don't look at him, you don't touch him, you don't think about doing anything to him. You keep your eyes and hands and thoughts on your own boyfriend."

"He's not your property, Brantli. He doesn't belong to you."

"He doesn't belong to you either!" she yelled.

"Yes he does! He's my husband! He's mine, according to the state of California."

"Yeah, but in the state of Tennessee..." she giggled and threw her hands in my face. "Y'all aren't married."

"I'm pretty sure we are," Jax replied. Hell, at least we could handle our alcohol when we drank.

"Look, I'm trying to have a good time. I don't know about you, but I'm here with my husband and you are here with your boyfriend. Just please stop looking at him."

"Jax didn't you say that your marriage license was fake?"

"Where the hell did you hear that one from?" Jax asked her. Now, he was getting pissed.

"You told me. You told me that you just wanted to fake it all because you didn't really want to marry her then and wanted to wait to have a big wedding and make it all official then."

"I think we should head back to the hotel. It's late and if we want to go to Memphis tomorrow morning by the time Graceland opens, we need to be up early."

"Jax, is that true?" I asked him.

"You're gonna believe Brantli over me?" he laughed. "I do have the certificate in the RV. Do you want me to bring it out for you to see? She's gone crazy, Aub's. She obviously doesn't have the right sense over her. She's not thinking straight or something."

"No, no. I'm sorry," I said.

"Brantli, come on. Let's head back to the hotel room."

So, we went. Our good night was soon tarnished by too many shots of whiskey. As soon as I thought we were getting somewhere, too. It was nonstop fighting in the hotel room that evening. And the sad part was that it was only 9pm. We went our separate ways and went to bed. I knew we weren't leaving Nashville, because we had decided we would want to spend more time in Myrtle Beach and Orange Beach, I was just a little sad that we were only spending a couple of hours in Memphis.

* * *

I wasn't disappointed by the city at all though. My mom raised me a lot on Elvis, so seeing Graceland was something out of this world. Jax and Opie enjoyed it, too and had to bring Bobby back something since he did a lot of Elvis impersonator shows back home. I know it's against the law or whatever but I did even spread some of my moms ashes on the walkway to the building. I couldn't help it. I knew that she would love to be here with us and this is something that she would definitely be watching over me for. After Graceland, it wore us out. We were all pretty hungover from last night, so even forming sentences and cohesive thoughts was hard to do. I begged though to go one more place: Sun Records. Sun was formed by Sam Phillips in 1954 when independent labels were up and coming in America. He discovered greats like Elvis, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ike Turner...I could go on. I did something really cheesy too and kissed the floor of the building. I just wanted to sit in here and feel what it felt to record and be in front of all of these performers. What was he thinking when Elvis just spontaneously started strumming to "That's All Right, Mamma" or when he told Johnny Cash that he needed to pick a non-gospel song to sing and they came up with the chords to "Folsom Prison Blues" on the spot? Or how about when Ike Turner played him "Rocket 88" with the screwed up amp? I couldn't believe how drawn I was to this place. It was like I didn't know how to think about anything except music at this point. Opie had laughed and called it unsanitary but Brantli, being just as big of a music fan as I was, kissed the floor too. I didn't even care. Make fun of me all you want, guys. Your time is coming to ooh and ahh over things at Sturgis and the car museum in South Carolina.

* * *

We headed back into Nashville nearly four hours later for banana shakes and greasy burgers. We needed something to soak up all of this alcohol in our system. I was kind of sad that we were leaving. The current bar that we were at had a great opening band and then Toby Keith came on stage and I thought I peed my pants. The good kind of peeing your pants though. Not like that scary ass skydiving place in Vegas.

"You guys gonna head up to the hotel room?" Jax asked as we left the bar that night.

"Yeah, I'm gonna pack."

"Aubrey, you wanna go do something?" Jax asked me.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

It wasn't even just something that we were doing. This boy had come up with a carriage ride in the downtown atmosphere. It was beyond romantic, and although I had walked these streets for the past couple of days, I didn't see them quite like this. When we stopped in front of the Grand Ole Opry once again, I was a little confused.

"What are we doing here?"

"You said you wanted to see a show, right Teller?" he asked me.

"Yeah, but I didn't..."

"Will you just come on?" he asked me, as we hopped out of the carriage. When we walked in and got seated, the announcer for WMS, the radio station that the Opry was played off of on the weekends, came on and told us that we would be seeing two greats tonight. I immediately thought it was Johnny Cash and then I remembered that he was forbidden from this place for kicking the lights out on the stage. But, I settled for Garth Brooks that night. I wanted to cry. Garth Brooks was the first concert that I ever went to with Colton, and I couldn't help but look at Jax with tears in my eyes as he busted out all of his classics. And then, the headliner came on stage. And it was George Strait. If you think I peed my pants with Toby Keith, I definitely shit my pants when George Strait came on stage. He played longer than Garth did, making sure he hit all of his current number ones. And when he sang our song, I melted into my boyfriends arms.

When the show wrapped up, we decided to go to the Shelby Pedestrian Bridge, across from where the Tennessee Titans played.

"You love it here, don't you?" he asked, as we walked hand and hand to one of the benches.

"I do, Jax. So much."

"I'm glad you do," he laughed. "Did I surprise you?"

I nodded my head and smiled. "I can't believe you..."

"What? That I know my wife so well? Please. I had called for weeks to get tickets. I wasn't going to let you miss this when you were here."

"Jackson," I smiled at him. As we watched the river flow by the night and the sky turn darker and the lights become brighter, I looked at him once more. "For being romantic. And knowing my taste in music so well."

"What do you mean?"

"That's one of the reasons that I married you."

"I love you, Teller," he said into my hair and kissing me softly at the top of my head.

"I love you too, Teller."


	45. Chapter 45

I think it hurt me more to leave Nashville than it had to leave Vegas on our trip. By this time, it was early July. As the prosperity of a new month hinted around the corner, I knew that the time that we had left together would be soon coming to a close. The next stop on our trip was one that I knew the guys were waiting for: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It was the summer party capital of the United States. It was a really short drive there compared to the last one that we were on, and Jax had volunteered to drive the entire time there so that Opie could rest. He hadn't been getting much sleep lately. Brantli stayed in her room away from all of us. I think she was still embarrassed about the bar that night. We were doing some kind of time share at a beach front condo for an entire week instead of staying at a hotel. We found it to be a lot cheaper that way, actually.

When we pulled into the parking lot and parked the camper, I had never been happier to see the beach in my entire life. I couldn't believe that we were pretty much on the other side of the country. It felt like another world to us almost.

"The ocean. How I've missed you," Brantli smirked as we made our way up to the front door. The condo was painted this real dark royal blue color and on the inside, it smelt of ocean, coconuts, and summer breezes. We didn't waste any time unpacking. We unloaded the groceries from our quick stop at the local Walmart and began putting everything in its place.

"It's gorgeous out," I smiled. While I had never been this far on the east coast (would you call it the east coast?) the weather was a lot more perfect than it was down in Tennessee. The outside thermometer read 84 degrees and not a single bit of mugginess lingered in the air.

Jax and I decided to take the bed in the far right corner of the room with Brantli and Opie in the one directly across the hall. The living room was set up much like a house from a Nicholas Sparks movie. The whole house was come to think of it. The living roomed doned an off white colored couch and a big white coffee table in the middle covered in sea shells. There was no television in here, thankfully but there was an enormous record player that sat in the corner. The windows were huge and overlooked the entire ocean laid out in front of us. The kitchen was tiny but had all of the essentials that we would need to cook big breakfasts and dinners. I was sick of eating out and knew that the guys would love a home cooked meal for a change, too. The outside had a little back deck with a small hot tub in the middle. I knew that we had the ocean right out in front of us, but who doesn't like a little bit of relaxing in the hot tub?

After a quick shower, we all decided that we would skip the beach for the night and stay in for dinner and a couple of drinks. Brantli and I who hadn't spoken in a little over two days decided to cook a meal for all of us. We settled on shrimp Alfredo, salad, and garlic bread. The meal wasn't complete without wine, of course. Maybe even a little champagne. Just no whiskey. I didn't even pick any up when we went to the store.

"Hey, Aubrey. Can we talk?" she asked me, as I began cutting up cucumbers.

"I guess," I told her.

"I just want to say how sorry I am for the bar the other night. That was really out of line of me and I am so embarrassed. You know that I don't have feelings for Jax, right? I never have and I don't think I ever will. I love you and you're my best friend. I couldn't lose you over some silly glance." I didn't say anything. "I know that you're mad at me right now and probably don't want to talk and that's okay. I wouldn't want to talk to me either," I could tell the words that were flowing freely from her mouth meant something, but I also had a knife in my hand so I didn't want to think too fast. I just thought it was better to stay silent, so that's what I chose to do.

Once dinner was served that night, I had never been more excited to eat in my entire life. I was never really a great cook, but the food did turn out better than I had expected it to. The guys had both devoured three plates, and when our dishes were empty and cleaned up, we lingered around the table for a little more.

"Family meeting," I said, as I brought out the plate of peanut butter cookies as dessert.

"Oh god, not again," I heard Opie groan as he set his wine glass down on the table.

"This is the last one, I promise. If we can't figure shit out from here then we all might as well not be friends anymore. When we came up with this trip, this was supposed to be..."

"I'd actually like to say something, if you don't mind," Brantli said, cutting me off mid sentence. I opened the floor up to her, and she stuck her stray blonde hairs behind her ears as she began to speak. "Look, you guys I know a lot of the fighting and the petty arguing is my fault. I guess I had this plan that if I fought with all of you and we didn't make up..." I was shocked because she was now crying, at a loss for words even. "That it would be a lot easier to say goodbye to you guys in the end. I know that I ruined you vacation. I know I'm a bitch and I don't deserve any of you. But I look around this table tonight and I just see...I see us, from four years ago. And that's the image of us that I'll always keep with me. We were so scared. We had just started high school and had no idea what the hell we were doing. What the hell we wanted to be. But look at us now! Aubrey, Jackson. You two are in one of the best marriages that I have ever seen in my life. I don't know how you do it. Opie, you're just as kind as ever. I don't think the club has changed you. If it's changed you, it's been for the best. You were terrified four years ago to think that you couldn't do anything. And now, you've got this whole world out in front of you that you can just grab life by the horns because you're you. My gentle giant. I might be a piece of Boston trash, I think it was that you called me. And I am. But, I know that I love you. And the club in Vegas was not a good scene or the club in Nashville and I don't know if this is just the wine talking or the fact that it's 4th of July weekend and it's kind of signaling that this summer is really ending soon and I just don't know. I can't bring myself to say goodbye to any of you. That it's just an "I'll see you later" stuff is just a load of bullshit because by the time we see each other again you guys will be soldiers and we'll be college students. Soldiers, for crying out loud! Defending this country because it's something your old men did. It's surreal, honestly. And me, going off to Juilliard and Aubrey, you going off to Berkley. I just can't wrap my head around all of this. That's all. Long story shirt I just thought picking fights with you guys would allow us to avoid all the sappy goodbyes that were about to hit us."

"We're a family, Brantli Rae. We shouldn't be fighting like this. I love you, and I love Op and I love Aubrey. In some crazy, messed up world we are a family. We are all each other has right now. And in families, we have to say goodbye sometimes."

"So what do we do? How do we make up for all of this drama that's happened?"

"Well, the fact that you said you were sorry means something. I know we're sorry too. But let's just...let's just try to have a good time and enjoy Myrtle Beach. This is where we should have just went in the first place."

"I'm so sorry," she said, wiping her tears away from her eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you guys. I love you all so much."

"To Myrtle Beach and family meetings being adjourned?" I asked, raising my wine glass high in the air. As they all joined me and we clunked them together, I definitely felt like we were getting back to the old us. I was more ready for this city than I was for any that we had been to so far.

* * *

After our dessert, we all decided to head down to the beach and have a sort of bonfire. There were more condos next to us, so we thought that maybe some locals might be hinting around here, too. And they were, surprisingly. There was a couple that looked not much older than we were sitting just a couple of feet away having a fire themselves. We started ours up and laid a couple of blankets down to look up at the stars.

"I'm so pale, it's sickening," Brantli said, as she took her seat next to Opie. I was a little touched that he put his arm around her and pulled her in closer, much like Jax had just done to me.

"So, guys 4th of July is tomorrow! What are we doing?" I asked. I guess our favorite question anymore had been 'what are we doing' because in cities that we weren't familiar with, it was always good to have ideas.

"I don't know yet," Jax said, as he looked up at the nighttime South Carolina sky. "But I know it needs to be a good time."

It really did. I hadn't enjoyed the taste of alcohol since we set foot in Vegas and I was ready to drink my heart out. Maybe smoke a blunt and listen to an old record. Something to calm me down, I guess. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes as we saw the people a couple of blocks away make their way over to us. There were three of them now: two guys and a girl, and they had the tannest skin and the whitest smiles. Their feet were bare, the girls hair in this fishtail braid. They definitely looked like locals.

"Hey, sorry to barge over here but we noticed that y'all were having a fire and we're having a fire and why not have just one big one?" I heard one of the guys ask.

"Yeah, no totally man. I understand. I'm Jax," he said, shaking both of the guys' hands.

"Y'all from around here?" the other guy asked as he set his blanket down next to Opie and Brantli's.

"California," I heard Opie say, as he took his cigarette out to shake hands as well. I guess that was a guy thing.

"Long ways from home. What brings y'all here?" the first guy, the blonde one, asked.

"Summer road trip. What about you?" Jax asked.

"We live in Charleston in North Carolina. Just out here for a couple of weeks to have some fun," the other guy exclaimed.

"I'm Chad. This is my brother, Mason and our sister, Sawyer,"

"Nice to meet you guys," I said, smiling.

"Yeah, we come down every year. It's something our parents did with us as kids so we kept the tradition alive," Chad replied.

"Thats awesome,"

"We all go to different colleges, so we make sure that we are with one another for at least one week out of the summer."

"Where do you guys go?" Brantli asked, sipping nonchalantly on her wine.

"I go to the University of Alabama, Mason here goes to Georgia State and..."

"I go to Duke," she smiled. "What about you guys?"

Jax quickly realized that he hadn't introduced us, so he quickly threw that in there with our colleges. "I'm in the Army, actually. Opie here is too. Brantli, his girlfriend goes to Juilliard and my wife, Aubrey goes to Berkley."

Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot we weren't seventeen and eighteen for a moment. We had to act like we were older.

"Thank you for your service," Mason replied, shaking the guys' hands again. "That's real noble of y'all,"

"No problem," Opie replied to them.

"What are y'all doing for the 4th tomorrow? It's a lot of fun around here if you know the right people."

"We aren't too sure yet."

"Well, y'all could tag along with us. We were gonna head down here in the morning to do a little bit of one on one with the ocean, then probably grab a bite to eat somewhere then blow some shit up," Chad smiled. He was doing most of the talking.

"That sounds like fun,"

"Rednecks like to make things go boom," Mason laughed. For some reason, we joined in too.

"This y'alls first stop on the trip?" Sawyer asked.

"No, so far we've been to Vegas, Nashville, and Memphis. Heading down to Orange Beach next,"

"That's awesome,"

As we sat and talked a little more, we got to know one another. Mason was studying to be a grief counselor, Chad was only going because of a football scholarship and was merely making it through his business classes, and Sawyer was going to be a nurse. She was gorgeous. She made me feel like a potato in comparison to her.

"We should toast this," Opie smiled. We hadn't done many in awhile, so I guess he was making up for it tonight. "To new friends,"

"New friends," we all replied in unison. I was so ready for you, Myrtle Beach. We just had no idea how ready we actually were.

* * *

**A/N: 100 REVIEWS?! I'm seriously blown away, you guys. Thank you so much for making this story a huge part of my life. It has consumed me now and I think of ideas so much and so often. I love to hear feedback and what you would like to see. I'm really excited for the Myrtle Beach stuff, because I went there a couple of years ago and it was the best place that I have ever been to in my entire life. Please, please keep loving this story as much as I know you guys do. Might post another chapter tonight, too. We will see! Xoxo. **


	46. Chapter 46

On the morning of July 4th, 1996 we didn't rush waking up. The sheets felt cool against my nearly exposed body, and the sunshine and the cool breeze coming in from the window was a comforting feeling. I had been pulled closer to my husband in the early morning hours and somehow, my head ended up on his chest. As I opened my eyes, I saw him looking out of the window.

"Morning," I said, giving him a kiss on the lips.

"Morning baby," he replied, kissing me back. My breath had to reek and I'm sure my hair looked lovely now that it was out of its scrunchie and laid over his chest like a bird's nest. Somehow though, he found a way to kiss me again.

"You must have slept good," he told me, motioning towards the thick pile of drool where my mouth had once been. I was so embarrassed, all I could do was hide my head in the array of pillows that sat behind us.

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed. I could feel my face turn red.

"Baby, it doesn't bother me. If it did, I would have told you a long time ago," he laughed. "I'm just glad you finally got some sleep."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I got a couple of hours," he replied.

"You gonna be well rested for today?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked. "You're silly, Bre bug."

"Hey, so I was thinking that we could make a big breakfast this morning," I said, as I placed my hand in his.

"You're going to cook?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I was thinking about it," I chuckled. "Why?"

"Aubrey, you burn water,"

"I do not!" I laughed. "You're mean, you know that? When have you ever cooked for me?"

"A million times!" he exclaimed. "When have you cooked for me?"

"A million times!" I mocked back. I didn't think my cooking was that bad. Maybe that's why Brantli wouldn't let me near the pasta last night...

"I'll cook. I just don't have the strength to right now," he said, looking at me again. "I could spend all day with you in this bed and be content."

"Mhm," I replied back, as I began to play with his wedding ring.

"What am I going to do without you?" he asked, as he kissed my hair. I didn't want to talk about that today. I wanted to focus on the last holiday that we would spend together before the real world started for us.

"So, uh should we invite our new friends to breakfast?" I asked him, trying to change the topic.

He laughed. "Yeah, I'll head over there in a little bit,"

"I'm hungry though. Can we make that soon?" I chuckled.

"Can I pee first?" he asked me.

I kissed him on the forehead, as we sat upright. "Of course."

"Well thank you," he chuckled back as he threw on a pair of sweats and his Teller-Morrow tshirt.

I hurried out of bed behind him, as I threw on a pair of black cloth shorts and my Jim Morrison tshirt. As he exited the bathroom to grab his toothbrush, I was in the midst of throwing my hair up, I could feel his hand swat my ass. I jumped a little. "Jackson!"

"What?" he asked, chuckling.

"Nothing," I smiled back at him as we made our way out of the bedroom. He retreated back to the bathroom and I made my way into the kitchen. I dug through the fridge for a pound of bacon, eggs, and two cans of cinnamon rolls. I found the bag of potatoes in one of the cupboards and began peeling them immediately. I started the coffee, too hoping that Opie and Brantli would wake up.

"Oh God, whose letting you cook?" Brantli asked as she walked out of the bedroom in one of Opie's shirts.

"I'm not that bad of a cook!" I exclaimed, as she walked over to one of the cupboards.

"Yes you are. You burn everything and you don't know what salt is," she laughed.

"You and my husband are so rude," I chuckled.

"Let me have a cup of coffee and a ciggy and I'll cook," she pleaded.

"Okay," I replied, continuing to peel the potatoes.

"I'll be back," Jax said as he walked into the kitchen with one shoe on his foot and one in his hand.

"Okay," I said, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Opie planning on getting up today?" I asked.

Brantli shrugged, as she poured the hot liquid into her ceramic cup. "I would hope so. But he hasn't gotten much sleep the past few days. He was out like a light when I woke up."

"You do realize that you have to start water to boil potatoes to make them into home fries, right?" she asked. "You're so damn impatient."

"I'm sorry that I'm hungry," I replied back.

"It's fine," she chuckled, making her way over to one of the other cupboards. "Here," she said, handing me one of the cans of cinnamon rolls.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

"Crack it open," she replied. "You do know how to do that, right?"

"I'm not five," I said back.

"I'm just checking."

I cracked open both of the cans and placed them evenly on one of the cookie sheets that were lying around. I made my way over to the record player and turned on the "Rumors" album by Fleatwood Mac. Brantli and I began singing along immediately, dancing around the kitchen like a bunch of fools.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Opie asked, as he made his way into the kitchen. If you think my hair looked horrible in the morning, you should have seen Op's. It was way worse. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Morning sunshine!" I yelled, as Brantli continued dancing.

"We have neighbors, you know."

"Don't care!" Brantli yelled.

Opie let out a grunt and made his way over to the coffee pot. He stepped out onto the deck to avoid the smoke smell lingering onto the food.

Sawyer, Chad, Mason, and Jax came back in the matter of a half an hour, and as we ate at the kitchen table, I had never been happier to consume food in my life. Everything tasted so good, and I helped myself to another plate of food. I had never been one to have seconds before, but Brantli really was a great cook. I couldn't control myself. We talked a lot, made jokes, and as the record ended, we put on another one. We cleaned up the kitchen and talked some more over cups of coffee and plenty of cigarettes.

* * *

As noon set over us here in Myrtle Beach, we got cleaned up and made our way into town to try to find everything for this evening. We decided to not eat out and just cook instead so we picked out a lot of picnic foods: burgers, hot dogs, side dishes, and desserts. The guys went to the firework store, and we met up with them in the parking lot when we were finally finished shopping. I felt like they had bought way too much, but they reminded us that we were guests and needed to make a good impression. I knew they just wanted to blow stuff up.

The beach that night was such a chill atmosphere. All down the shore, you could see families grilling out with fires going. As night fell over the Atlantic Ocean and we ate everything that we bought, Jax pulled us down to the edge of the shore without our new friends. "I figured we would do this as a family really quick," he said, using his teeth to open up one of five packages.

"What are those?" Brantli asked as she sipped on a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

"They're Chinese lanterns. You're supposed to send them up to a loved one in heaven to let them know they're on your mind," he handed one of the lanterns to Brantli, two to me, and kept two for himself. We grabbed the Sharpies out of his hands and wrote our loved one's names on them. There was one for Brantli's mom, my mom, Colton, Thomas, and JT. As we lit them and sent them off into the sky, we all stood hand and hand on the beach to watch them disappear in the sky in front of us.

"Okay, enough sappy shit. I'm ready to see some fireworks."

There is honestly nothing more romantic than watching the fireworks with your significant other on the 4th of July. Opie and Jax had already blown off most of theirs and Chad and Mason decided to go next to blow off the few that they had bought. The colors illuminated the nighttime sky, and my breath was completely taken away.

"So, guys I was thinking we do this Richard Petty driving experience tomorrow at Loews Motor Speedway," I replied. "I was reading about it in a pamphlet and it sounds like fun."

"Y'all goin racin tomorrow?" Mason asked as he overheard us.

"Yeah," I replied back. "I thought it might seem like fun."

"You guys don't wanna go there. It's kind of lame. You guys wanna see some real racin you should come with us after all this is over."

* * *

I didn't know what we were getting ourselves into as we pulled up to Main Street that night. Classic muscle cars lined the road, and about twenty or so people stood around.

"What is this?" I asked, as we stepped out of Chad's '69 Chevrolet Camaro.

"Drag racin'" Sawyer replied, as she stepped out of her brother's '69 Dodge Charger. It was painted to look just like the car from the show The Dukes of Hazzard.

"Is there a point to this?" Brantli asked.

"No point but a good time!" Mason replied as we walked over to one of the many clusters of people standing around. They put their bets in, going for Jax and we did the same. The pot of money looked to be well over $1500.

"Y'all ever done this before?"

"Nah, we don't do this back at home."

"You guys look like you like to go fast though. It's really easy. One of the girls will explain the rules to you."

And they did. The whole point was to make it down to the two final cars left standing and from then on they would race to see which cars would make it to the finals.

"Jax, we have all had a couple of drinks. Are you gonna be okay to drive?"

"I'll be fine."

"You sure?" I asked, as he slid into the Camaro. We were visitors so we were of course up first.

"Baby, stop. I know when I'm too impaired to drive. I'll be fine."

"What if the cops come?"

"It's the boondocks. I don't think cops exist out here."

I sighed, and took my spot on the sidelines with Brantli. A girl wearing a skimpy pair of shorts and tied up button up appeared in front of the guys. "Once down the block and back. Fastest time wins."

Opie slid into the passenger's seat. He had had way too much to drink so I guess our only option was Jax. As the girl took her top off and waved it in the air like a makeshift flag, the guys went wild.

"Not real," Brantli told me. I snickered.

"Go!" she yelled. I could see Jax put his foot on the gas, as the cars took off in front of us. Come on, Jax. As long as you make it back alive we're okay. He made it back first, actually. I was really excited.

It got down to the final two: Jax, and the guy that I guess was Sawyer's boyfriend from home in a cherry red '76 Mustang. Opie had gotten sick and decided to sit this one out.

"Baby, you wanna ride with me?" Jax asked me. I was a little terrified, to be honest. I saw how fast those cars went. I wasn't about to risk my life doing this. But, he needed someone to ride with him so me being the loving and caring wife that I am, I slid next to him.

"You're going down, dude," I heard Sawyer's boyfriend say. "Who is this guy anyway?" he was a big burly guy; a stereotypical redneck. It's not someone that I would have picked for her, but they seemed pretty happy together.

"He's Jax. He's from LA!" I heard her yell over our revved engines.

"Oh shit. A dude from LA. You're going down, preppy."

"Play nice, Will," I heard Sawyer say back to him. The girl reappeared and instructed that the guys would be going down to the end of the street, making a sharp right then a sharp left, and then turning around to come back. As Jax and Will revved their engines even more, she waved her shirt again and they took off. I held onto the dashboard for dear life as the Camaro's speedometer reached well over 135 mph. The turns were way too sharp and as we neared the second one, I felt Will's car brush up hard next to us. He was trying to wreck us on purpose and he was molding a nice dent into the side of the car. Jax hit back, apologizing for the impact on the passenger's side door. "Beat this son of a bitch!" I yelled to him.

As we turned the corner and headed back, Jax got him good on the front bumper. I knew he wasn't going to hurt Sawyer, but he wanted to win. As we neared the finish line, Will was right behind us. We crossed the finish line and shut the car off. I couldn't believe we won. I couldn't believe that we had lived through that. Will was pissed when he got out of his car.

"You think that was funny? You come into my town, hangout with my girl and beat me at my own race?" he asked. Everyone around us just stood silent.

"Yeah, actually. I do think it's pretty funny."

It was. But, it wasn't funny once Will lunged at him and they began beating the shit out of one another. We had to break it up before it got out of hand too much. Will was even more violent than Jax was. I was surprised. But, it goes to show you that you don't mess with a Son because be will whoop your ass.

Once everyone cleared out, we had collected our money and gave it to the brothers. They were a little shocked and Jax had said it was for all of the damage done to the vehicle.

"Did y'all have fun?" they asked us.

"Oh hell yeah!" I yelled.

"You got my wife to think something involving a car was fun, so that's new."

"Well, whenever you guys are up for hanging out again, let us know. We'll see y'all soon."

We piled into the Camaro and just started laughing. We couldn't believe that had just happened. And, that was only night two.

As the week drug on, we had done everything that one could possibly do in this crazy party town. We had decided that we weren't going to go to Orange Beach because we were having too much fun here. So, we would be staying for a couple more days before heading up to South Dakota.

* * *

On the Johnson's last day here, we decided to have some more redneck fun. I think that's how they put it. It had rained the previous night despite the little bit of sun that was out now, and we joined them in some true redneck shit: muddin. Being from California, we of course had never done this before but Colton and his friends did it a lot when we lived in the South. I knew that it involved trucks and an open field and lots of mud, and we were always up for an adventure. We rode in Chad's beaten up Silverado to an abandoned field towards the North Carolina/South Carolina border. He had told us that he would drive first so that we would get the feel of it so we assumed our positions in the bed. As he started up the truck and glided over the mud puddles, it began to splash everywhere! It was on our clothes, in our hair, some even got into my swimsuit top. Jax took the wheel after that, then Brantli, Opie, then myself. By the time we were finished, we were covered head to toe.

"Our cousins are having this party tonight. Kind of a summer send off thing. You guys wanna join?"

We all agreed. When we got home and cleaned up, and mopped up the floor from our mess, we headed down to the party. It was a great summer send off for them. The party was complete with kegs, good food, loud music, and people everywhere. They had cornhole boards set up and a homemade soap slip n slide set up in the yard. I had never had a better time with strangers than I had that night. It was going to be hard to say goodbye to the them in the morning, but we knew it was coming. They had promised to call us if they were ever in California, and we promised that we would stay in touch.

As the weeks went by, we were finally approaching the tail end of our trip. There are two birthdays that a girl looks forward to as she's growing up: her eighteenth and her twenty-first. When I tuned eighteen down in Myrtle Beach, I knew that it would be a day that I would always remember. Opie, Brantli, and Jax woke me up with breakfast in bed and candles sticking out of all of my food. It was still kind of dreary out, so we decided to hit the strip with the hopes that it would clear up tonight. We walked around and got some of our last minute souvenirs. As we sat down to lunch, a building caught our eyes. It wasn't a club, but it kind of looked like it on the outside. We were curious, so we made our way inside. It was called Seventh District and it reeked of smoke upon our arrival.

"Hey y'all. Welcome to Seventh District," we heard one of the over-friendly owners say to us.

"Hi," we replied in unison.

"What is this place?" Brantli asked.

"It's a hookah bar. Have you guys ever smoked hookah before?" What the hell was hookah? Was it some kind of synthetic marijuana?

"What's hookah?" I'm glad Opie asked so that I didn't have to. Apparently, it was shisha which is a sweet tobacco and its smoked out of something that looked like a bong. Not too bad, right? We decided to stay and ordered two hookahs: a melon flavored one and a mimosa flavored. We settled on water to drink and took a seat on one of the plush couches. The music wasn't too loud but it was loud enough. It was old school rap too, which I could tolerate.

One of the workers brought us the hookahs over and lit the coals at the top for us. When they were gray, that meant it was safe to smoke.

"You go first, birthday girl," Jax said as he handed me the hose to the mimosa one.

"Hell no. I don't know if that thing is secretly laced with something," I replied jokingly.

"It's good!" I heard Brantli say. She had beat us to the punch and we hadn't noticed.

"What's it taste like?"

"Just try it," she urged. She repeated what she had done before and sucked in all of the air through the hose so that the water at the bottom bubbled. Upon exhaling, she let out a huge cloud of smoke. "It makes you light headed though."

Jax went first and repeated what Brantli had done. I could tell by the look on his face that he liked it, and I gave in and tried it too. It tasted so much like a mimosa, I was really surprised.

"Let me try that one!" I said, taking the hose out of Opie's hand. I tried it and coughed immediately. "Nope, no never mind. Take that away from me. You can have it back," it kind of tasted like that watermelon L'Oreal kids shampoo that I remembered my mom buying. It was disgusting.

We continued to smoke for a little more before Jax asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday.

"You wanna get drunk, right? It is our last day here." Brantli said.

"I mean...yeah, sure." I smiled.

"Yes! She wants to get drunk!" Brantli yelled.

* * *

The coals soon burnt out and we started getting bored, so we made our way back to the condo to get ready for the night. I hadn't planned on going out, so we decided to pre-game before we went. We opened up the leftover bottles of Jack Daniels and Fireball and wanted to finish off all of the beer. We changed into our bathing suits and decided to use the hottub for one last time.

"I can't believe summer is almost over," Brantli said once we were settled amongst the jets.

"It's been a good one, that's for damn sure."

"You guys wanna play a game?"

"What is it with you and these damn games, Atkins?" Jax joked as he sipped on his Budlight.

"Hey, okay this one is the question game. You take a piece of paper from the hat and ask it to the person next to you. Here, I'll start," she said, as she grabbed her "Beer Thirty" trucker hat off of the side table. "Okay, so Opie. If you wanted to change three things about me, what would they be?"

"Oh lord," he said, as he guzzled down his remaining beer. "Uhm, probably your stubbornness. Your snoring. And your asshole ways."

"You're rude as hell," she said, giving him a playful shrug. Opie grabbed a piece of paper out of the hat and looked at Jax. "Do you go to bed smiling and thinking about me?" he smiled and batted his lashes. We completely lost it.

Jax smiled at him, the kind of flirtatious smile that he uses on me when he wants his way. "All of the time baby."

When the laughing subsided, Jax picked a piece of paper next. "Aubrey, do you think when we're 80 you'll still love me the same as you do now?"

"80? That's a long time away," I joked. "If anything I would love you more. That's always been the plan. Sitting on our little porch in our rockers watching our grandkids play in the front yard."

"Awe!" Brantli gushed. It was then my turn. "Brantli, do you think anyone could ever take my place in your life."

She shook her head. "Never Teller. You're one of a kind. No one can replace you. You're my best friend."

I handed the hat to her, and she turned towards Opie once again. "Is there any feeling that you are trying to ignore? If so, what it is? I mean, what is it. Sorry."

"Probably the feeling of knowing that a month from now we all won't be sitting around, joking and laughing like this. The feeling of goodbye. I haven't been able to accept it yet and I don't think I'll be able to until I step on that plane to go to Georgia," he started. "I just can't bring myself to say goodbye to you guys. I don't believe in all that 'see you later' bullshit. I know we'll see each other later but when we are older than we are at this present moment. It's weird to think we all won't be starting college together and all that jazz. That's it. I don't wanna get all sappy over here."

Brantli handed Opie the hat and he drew out another question for Jax. "Is there a memory in your life that has always troubled you?"

"Yeah, probably the memory of my dad coming back and us getting into an argument. He never really knew how much I did love him. I've got all of these good memories with him and the whole fact that he just ran out...I can't shake it right now. I don't think I'll ever be able to."

Jax took a piece of paper and read another question "Damn, Brantli. These are deep," he said, before taking a deep breath. "Do you think we will be able to stand the rigors of a long distance relationship?"

"Oh yeah," I replied back. "If I didn't think we would be able to, I would have divorced you or ended it right there. I love you, Jax. And Opie. And Brantli. And we're going to different places but the hope that keeps me alive is the fact that soon, we will all be able to be back together once again."

"Brantli, if you died tomorrow, do you think you have lived your life to the fullest?" I asked, pulling another piece of paper from the hat.

"I do. Well, kind of. In some aspects. I have such amazing memories of my teenage years. If I were to die tomorrow and only get to eighteen, then I think I did a pretty good job at that."

I handed the hat to Brantli and she read the last question out loud to Opie. "Opie, when were you going to tell Aubrey and Jax that we are engaged?"

"What?!" I yelled out loud.

"Shut up dude," Jax replied back.

"Yeah," she said, smiling at us. "You remember that night we snuck off to the beach? Opie proposed to me."

"I'm stuck with the snorer for the rest of my life," he chuckled.

"Congratulations!" I yelled to them. "That's so exciting!"

"Yeah, yeah," Brantli said as Opie wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her playfully on the cheek.

"I'll drink to that," Jax replied. "You guys ready to go out? We've got a lot of celebrating to do,"

And we did. We had too much celebrating to do right now. Not only was it my birthday, but Opie and Brantli were finally engaged. And, it was our last night here in this beloved party town. I would drink to all of those things all night.

* * *

**A/N: I took down chapters 46 and 47 earlier because they were so awful, so I did some more editing and am finishing up chapter 47 right now. Sorry for the inconvience, guys. It just felt kind of generic to me. Let me know what you think of the re-writes! Xoxo**


	47. Chapter 47

After our much needed pre-gaming, we decided to head to one of our favorite sports. We had become regulars at the Coral Beach Bar, which was located right outside of one of the many hotels that this city had to offer. I don't remember much about that night. I remember pounding way too many birthday shots, dancing like a fool, and funneling beers courtesy of Brantli. And then, all of a sudden I just blacked out.

When I woke up that following morning still in my sundress, I honestly had no idea how I got to my bed. I don't even think I wanted to know what all happened. All I do know is that I felt like I got hit by a semi-truck head on. My entire back ached, and my feet were literally on fire. I rolled over to see the sun creeping through the windows and Jax packing up our bags.

"Well, look whose finally up," he smiled at me.

"Why do I feel like shit?" I asked groaning.

"Oh, man. You don't remember anything from last night do you?" he asked, making his way to the bedside table. He handed me an unopened bottle of Gatorade and a couple of Advil.

"Thanks," I replied as I stuck the aspirin in my mouth and downed the entire bottle of Gatorade. "Did I do anything embarrassing?"

"No, babe. Not at all," he couldn't hide the laughter that followed suit. "Maybe just a little."

I threw one of the nearby pillows at him, and he caught it against his chest. "Where do you want me to begin? What do you remember?"

"Uhm," I started, trying to think of something that would jog my memory. "I remember doing a Jäger bomb with you guys and it was disgusting because I hate Red Bull."

"Okay. Oh god, well first I should let you know that you are an excellent drunk singer. The guests at the hotel really enjoyed your rendition of that really annoying Shania Twain song that you sang. And, they definitely loved your dancing on the bar. And when you slipped and fell." No wonder why my back hurt so bad. There was probably a huge bruise on there. "Let's see. What else. You love Fireball. I think you told us that about a million times. They made you a birthday cake margarita and you asked for three more. And then, oh man babe you're going to love this one. Go check out your back."

I darted to the full length mirror in the bathroom immediately and noticed the Roman numerals that were now etched into my skin. "Jackson Nathaniel Teller!"

"It's okay! I got the same one!" he yelled.

I made my way out of the bathroom after getting sick, and stared him down. "You let me get a tattoo? What even is it?"

"It's our wedding date," he said, turning his right arm over to show me his bigger Roman numerals.

"Isn't it illegal for them to tattoo you when you're that drunk?"

"You didn't care. You wanted it."

"Jackson."

"Aubrey."

"Then what happened?"

"You tried to eat a seashell."

"You're lying."

"Maybe a little," he chucked. "You tripped on the way here. I got you in bed and you got sick a lot. But we still had incredible birthday sex."

I threw another pillow at him. "You know, you're pretty violent when you're hungover."

I sighed, and smiled at him. "For taking care of me when I'm drunk and remembering things that I couldn't remember."

"What?" he asked.

"That's one of the reasons I married you."

* * *

The drive up to South Dakota sucked more than any of the other drives that we had been on. Not only was I hungover still, it was our last city. The summer had flashed by before our very eyes and it didn't really sink in until we pulled our camper into its designated parking spot of the hotel. I know that there are a ton of rumors that circled about Sturgis and how it's nothing but naked girls everywhere, but I'm sure the guys weren't there for that. Well, I'm sure they were but I didn't have nothing to worry about. Oh hell, who was I kidding? I had a ton to worry about.

When we walked into the hotel, it was nice to see the comforting faces of the people from back home, especially Chibs and Bobby. I had never hugged them harder in that moment than I had in my entire life.

"How was it?" Bobby asked.

"It was...it was definitely a summer to remember."

If you think I'm going to tell you girls what really went on at Sturgis, you have another thing coming. I know you've found the pictures in the attic of me on the back of your dad's bike topless, flipping the bird to the camera. I'm not going to hide that from you. But I refuse to go into detail about all of that. Ask your father went on.

I will tell you though that Gemma came along too, and I don't know if it was because she was protecting Clay or because she really wanted to know what went on there. I was young and free, and while I do regret the enormous body shots I let your father do and the couple that I did off of Brantli, I won't regret riding through the Black Hills of South Dakota. We went on a charity ride for JT, and to see the amount of people that gathered for it was unbelievable. There were guys from other charters and strangers that had joined us to ride through the open roads, remembering the guy that had brought us all together. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have a husband. I wouldn't be on the back of a Harley, and the Sons of Anarchy would never have existed.

* * *

When we made it back to Charming after our drunk filled week, we had to adjust to life back to normal. My skin was still tan and my tattoo still hurt like a bitch, but it was somehow comforting to wake up to the sounds of my brother and sister in law moving about their lives and tending to their children. I even asked Abby if I could have a tea party with her because I missed it so much.

"Are you guys doing anything special for your last night together?" Braison asked me as I took my spot at the kitchen table the morning of August 13th.

"I don't think so," I replied to him as he brought me a cup of coffee.

"You have a good summer?"

"Oh yeah," I replied. In all honesty, this summer was one that I would always look back on. Despite the petty fights and drunken nights, I wouldn't trade the experience of traveling across most of the United States for the world. "I have pictures if you want to see them."

"Maybe later," he replied back. "You have to call school and make sure that you are enrolled in all of your classes and we need to start getting your stuff together for your dorm."

This was the real world stuff that I was talking about. Take me back to the beach, because I didn't want to even think about getting things together for Berkley right now.

That night, we decided to not drink and just reminisce on the summer. We had put together a scrapbook of all the adventures that we went on, and looking back on the pictures brought tears to my eyes. I had to excuse myself from the room and step outside. Jax followed right behind me though, like I knew he would. The tears just started flowing, and all he could do was hold me as I cried. And then he cried.

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"I know. I'm going to miss you so much too baby. This will all be over soon,"

And it would be. This summer. My youth. It would all end with a trip to MEPS to say goodbye to my husband. The one that was so brave and going off to fight for this country.

* * *

I don't remember much about the ride down to Los Angeles, but I do remember that it was silent. When it was his turn to be shipped off, it was all of the guys that had planned to have the infantry MOS. As they stood in the line at attention, I knew the last kiss that I had given him moments ago was the last kiss that we would share for sixteen weeks. Any girl would call me crazy. I wasn't the one putting my life on the line though.

"Raise your right hand, and repeat with me." their commander had instructed. I saw Opie and Jax stand still as statues and repeat what is known as the Infantryman's Creed back to us. Gemma, Brantli, and myself were holding on to one-another. We didn't want to let go. We couldn't cry. We had promised one another that we wouldn't cry. We didn't want the guys to see us and make this harder on them.

The words that they recited still ring in my ear to this day. "I am the Infantry. I am my country's strength in war, her deterrant in peace. I am the heart of the fight, where ever, whenever. I carry America's faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained soldier in the world in the race for victory. I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country's trust. Always will I fight on through the foe, to the objective, to triumph over all. If necessary I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage I have won 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds. For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever I am the Infantry. Follow me!"

As the commander instructed them to board the bus that would take them to LAX, I could feel the sobs begin to come over me. I couldn't wait until he was actually gone because in my eyes they were already on. On their way to Georgia to learn how to kick some serious ass. I don't even think I cried because I was sad. I cried because I was proud. Proud of my husband. I was a proud wife.

* * *

When I got back to Braison's that afternoon, the house felt so empty. I peered my head into Jax's room as a gentle reminder that he was gone. I pulled out the scrapbook as soon as I locked the door to my room. I began to flip through all of the pictures of this movie-like summer. Us, on our first day of the trip standing outside the Winnebago. Our silly shirts in Vegas by the Bellagio fountain. Our ticket stub from the Grand Ole Opry and a picture of all of us in front of Sun Records. The pictures of us on the beach in South Carolina, our receipt from the hookah bar, us doing a shot on my birthday, a really horrible drunken picture of all of us laughing and smiling. Jax, in his white tshirt and jeans with his arm around me. Me, looking over to Brantli that was sticking out her tongue in a sundress and boots with a flower in her hair and Opie holding up a sparkler. The last picture was all of us at Sturgis in front of the Welcome to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally sign. We were all in it. My best friends and husband and the guys that I had grown up with. Under that was a sober picture of the four of us from the summer, smiling in front of the Winnebago. Under that was a picture of the four of us going off to prom, the four of us at my wedding, a picture from New York in front of Times Square, and then a picture of us at homecoming our freshman year. To see the four people in that last picture and how they transformed into the people in the other pictures was, well it was bittersweet. At the bottom was a quote that Brantli had decided to throw in there. "You'll get mixed up, of course as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So, be sure where you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that life's a great balancing act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft, and never mix up your right foot with your left. And will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed! 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed." We all dated and signed the page, too. I just held it against my chest for awhile and cried. I knew sleep wasn't happening that afternoon as much as I forced my eyes open. Where was Jax? Did he make it to Georgia okay? Were they mean to him yet? Did he have to scrub floors and hear someone talk about shrimp like in Forrest Gump? Was he thinking of me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him right now?

It's like someone up there was looking out for me because as I got up and walked over to my bookshelf to put the scrapbook away, an envelope fell out. It simply said "My Wife" on the back and I smiled as I ripped the envelope open. Jax had written me a letter.

_Teller,_

_I remember how nervous and excited I was when I planned exactly how I would ask you to marry me. How that ring burned in my pocket, how I could hardly wait to see your delight and joy when I asked you to be my wife. You were the most beautiful girl in the world to me – I just knew that I had to have you for my own. The way your eyes sparkled and your smile lit up the whole room and the way you looked at me – like I was Superman – I was in heaven any time I was with you. Your personality was magnetic. You were so kind, compassionate and loving – and the way you treated me with such admiration made me feel like the luckiest man on the planet._

_Did you know that I bought that ring on the night of our freshman homecoming? And that I had it with me at Disneyland but switched it out for a cheaper one because I was afraid that you would tell me that we were too young to get married? But I mean, how young is too young if you really love someone, right?_

_Right now you're probably wondering where I am. How I'm doing. Just forget about that for a moment and think about the first summer that we had spent together. I know it was August when you guys moved here, but that's not the summer I'm talking about. The one where we would play in the front yard and watch our parents sit on the front porch and laugh at us. The one where Bobby and Tig and my dad built me that treehouse and you were so mad that I wouldn't let you in. I remember when you snuck in and I threatened to beat you up and I never did. And then you threatened to kiss me and you never did. That's the summer I'm talking about._

_Because the thing is with summers and love, it never goes away. That gorgeous tan of yours will fade, but all those pictures that we took and the memories that we made together never will. I love you with all of your faults and you love me the same. How could I find another girl like that?_

_Thank you for letting me live out my dream. Now, go live yours. Kick ass at Berkley. Learn everything that you can so that you can teach me everything that you know. Get the hell out of Charming. There's nothing here but broken promises. Go explore. Go to Europe for all I care. If you need to do it, do it. No one is stopping you._

_You asked me once why I married you. I can't quite sum this one up, baby. I know you want me to but I just can't. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're passionate, you're hilarious. Your cooking is really not that bad, and I know that one day when we are done chasing our dreams and want to settle down, you will be an even more amazing wife than you are right now and an amazing mother, too. I want to have kids with you, Aubrey. A million little Tellers running wild around our house somewhere far away from here so that they don't know what it's like to grow up around motorcycles. I married you because you're my girl, babe. You wanted me when no one else did. How did I get so lucky? You're my best friend and my lover and I don't know which one I like more._

_I cross my heart, and promise to. Give all I've got to give to make all of your dreams come true. In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine._

_Now stop reading this, get up, get changed, and enjoy your last days of summer with Brantli. I love you, baby. I will see you in sixteen weeks. One day down, one hundred and eleven more to go."_


	48. Chapter 48

**_September, 2001_**

_Aurora and Harley,_

_1996 turned into 2001 a lot quickly than I think anyone had ever expected it to. While there were good years and bad, I never imagined how good those five years had been to us. In those five years we had survived so many things: one big cross-country move, one basic training graduation, eighteen finals, two new houses, one apartment in the city, one wedding, a deployment, fights, drunken nights, and two college graduations. If you girls thought that I had been through a lot by the time I turned eighteen, you should have seen life at twenty-three. It was crazy, and I loved every single minute of it. While I won't touch on everything because if I know my daughters as well as I think I do, you guys would get so bored, I will touch on the major things._

The one-cross country move happened shortly after Jax and Opie graduated from Fort Benning, Georgia. We were told that we had to be moved and settled on base in Fort Drum, New York in one month, and the goodbyes to the guys seemed harder then. Jax and Opie had declined the invitation to become members of the Sons of Anarchy and while I was disappointed, I had learned a lot about why Jax never wanted to stay in Charming. There were nights that my brother would come home with blood-soaked clothes and I couldn't imagine having to face my children the way he had me and Abby and Paisley a couple of times. My sister would just tell him to go get cleaned up. Otto and Lenny were now facing life sentences in prison, and that tore my heart up more than I think it did Luann's. I had become close with all of the guys when there was no violence presence, which was rarely ever anymore. I had survived my semester at Berkley and hated everything about that place, from my roommate to the classes that I was enrolled in.

When the guys finally graduated from basic, it was like a breath of fresh air. They had come back changed men. No facial hair, no infamous Opie buns. They had to stay clean cut, and it was a good look for the both of them to be honest. We moved to Fort Drum in a house together and quickly realized that the four of us should never live under the same roof. I don't know how I managed to pass finals weeks with all of the alcohol that we had consumed. A lot of the guys from the base had called our house the "party house" because it was. We would kick off the weekend on Thirsty Thursday and end it hungover watching movies on the couch on Sunday's.

Early in 1999, the guys were told that they would be deployed to Germany. The drive to and from school, too was getting to be too much for Brantli and I to handle. It was five hours there, meaning we would have to leave at 3am and five hours back, meaning that we wouldn't get home some nights to well after eleven. It wasn't good for either of us and putting a huge strain on our marriages. We got an apartment in the city for the remainder of our junior and senior years at our distinguished universities while the guys were off in Berlin.

Yes, girls. Marriages. Opie and Brantli finally got married in a simple courthouse wedding before they left for Germany. It was beautiful painless with not a lot of planning just like they both wanted it to be.

Brantli and I both graduated in the spring of 2000. Her, from Juilliard with a bachelor's degree in music theatre and myself summa cum lade from NYU with a bachelor's in human resources with a business management and non-profit track. She was then working on Broadway and has appeared in the ensemble for 9 to 5, which ran for a couple of years. I began a job Good Morning America as the head of human resources. When they returned home, we left our jobs to be with our husbands. Now, Brantli runs the local dance studio by our house: the one that her mother bought when she was small. And, I work as head of human resources for a local car dealership. While it wasn't the dreams that we had in mind, we knew our marriages outweighed those in the long run.

* * *

In September of 2001, my day started like any other: wrapped up in the arms of my husband. It was still my favorite place to wake up at, even if I was fighting to urge to get sick in the early morning hours.

"Morning baby," he told me, as I rolled over to the obnoxious sounds of my alarm clock.

"Morning," I said, groaning. I shut it off and resumed back to how I was previously. "I just want to stay in bed all day and not have to go to work!" I yelled out.

Jax laughed. "How are we going to pay bills then?"

"I can just become a stripper, it's okay."

"You're hilarious."

"It's good money."

"I'll pay you to strip for me," he said, breathing into my hair.

"I'm sure you would," I said, grabbing onto the cool chain of his dog tags and reaching up to kiss him.

"What are you making me for breakfast?"

"Cereal."

"Aubrey."

"Jackson," I smiled back.

"What time do you start today?" he asked, as he got up and made his way into the bathroom. I was now staring at our bedroom ceiling.

"I think seven," I said. "It's been kind of slow at work lately."

"Do we have time to shower?" he asked, with a sly grin on his face. I knew what he was getting at. I threw my oversized tshirt and sweats off and made my way into the bathroom. I undressed him as he kissed down my body as we made our way into the scolding hot shower. The water felt so good against my skin, but his kisses felt so much better.

"Want me to wash your hair?" he chuckled, grabbing at my ass. I melted and fell backwards into his arms.

"You're so weird!" I exclaimed.

"You love it," he told me.

After our shower, we got dressed: him, in his army uniform that consisted of a sand colored tshirt, and his ACU camouflage pants. He slid his combat boots and ACU jacket on while I dressed in a black pencil skirt, black blazer, and violet tshirt. He kissed me as I finished putting my makeup on and we made our way into the kitchen. We greeted our sleepy German Shepard puppy, Diesel and fed him his breakfast while I poured our bowls of cereal.

"I didn't think you were being honest."

"I was. Eat up, I gotta go to work," I chuckled.

As we said our goodbyes and locked up our small house, we made our way to our seperate vehicles. He had traded his old Harley in for a Camaro, and I was stuck with a newer Cavalier as our sensible vehicle. I missed my Jeep, especially on days like today when the weather was nice and warm. Jax was going to work, but I had other plans.

* * *

I had been getting sick a lot lately. I had been feeling dizzy, very tired, and everything on me just ached. Instead of starting work at 7, I would be going to sit in the doctor's office. I had done some research on the Internet and found out that my symptoms might be caused by leukemia. I guess cancer must run in the family or something.

"Aubrey Teller?" the nurse asked me. I stood up, straightened out my skirt, and headed back with her. She took my height and weight and told me that I had gained about ten pounds since my last visit a couple of weeks ago. I was a little taken back. I had stopped drinking a lot and Jax and I had to eat healthier now that he was doing PT all of the time. How did I gain that much weight all of a sudden.

"And, you think you might have cancer?" she asked, as we entered into the doctor's room. It was painted this ugly pale yellow color, and it was freezing. It just smelt like sadness in here.

"Yes," I said slowly. "It runs in my family. My mom had it and died from it."

"Do you still smoke?"

"I quit about a year ago," I told her.

"Do drugs?"

"No," I said.

"Okay," she said, marking all of this on her clipboard. "I have to go get a couple sample cups. We have to do some bloodwork on you. And you're okay to do a cat scan? You're not pregnant or nursing, right?"

"Nope. Neither of those," I told her.

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Getting my blood drawn kind of sucked. It hurt so bad, especially because I was terrified of needles. How could a person with many tattoos be afraid of needles though? I don't even think it was the needle, I think it was seeing the blood drain out of my vein.

After she took my blood, we headed back into the room where the catscan would be conducted.

"Wait! Wait! Stop. She can't have a catscan!" I heard the nurse yell behind us.

I was a little confused. "Why?"

"Because, Aubrey we ran your blood. You don't have cancer. You're going to have to get an ultrasound though."

I was still confused after this. "An ultrasound?" Now I was confused. What was wrong with me?

* * *

When I was settled into the car, still shaking from the news that the doctor had told me, I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't believe it. I had so many emotions rolling through my head that morning. I had checked my voicemail on my phone: two from my boss, one from Jax. My boss had told me that I didn't need to come into work today and to just enjoy the rest of the day off. The one from Jax asked me if I made it work okay and to not call his phone because he would be doing PT for the better half of the morning. I didn't even know what to do with an entire day to myself. I knew I wanted to go home and change into my pajamas and just lay on the couch and eat Oreos and watch re-runs of Full House all day, snuggled up with my puppy. But, my entire day changed as I put the car in reverse and turned the radio on. Halfway through a Tim McGraw song, it was interrupted by the screeching sounds of an alert. I wasn't even too sure what kind of alert it was. I knew it couldn't be for the weather, because it was gorgeous outside. The sun was shining way too much for September.

Girls, there have been many days in this world where we question why did this happen. I had been alive for many major events. I can tell you exactly where I was when I heard that the Berlin Wall fell, when Kurt Cobain passed away, and when the major OJ Simpson trial happened. And as I sat in my car and listened to what was happening on the radio, I can now tell you that I know exactly where I was when September 11th, 2001 happened.


	49. Chapter 49

When I arrived back to base that morning, we were immediately put on lockdown. The better half of the New York area was put on lockdown. No one could leave where they were right now. I don't think any of us wanted to, to be honest. We were glued to the television, watching as the city that we loved was destroyed. I couldn't even imagine being in Manhattan that morning as I watched everything unfold. At 9:03am, another plane hit into the towers, this time the south one. Within the hour, the building literally crumbled and fell to the ground. And then the Pentagon was hit. And then another plane crashed just outside of Pittsburg en route to Washington, D.C. This could not have been an accident. We were in midst of one of the biggest terrorists attacks that America has ever seen.

Brantli rushed over here soon after noon creeped around. They were still learning information as the story unfolded, and when I opened the door for her, she was in tears.

"Brantli," I said, as I wrapped her in my arms.

"Hi," she said, trying to smile at me through the tears. She wasn't having it today. One of her friends from home, Kelly, the girl that we met at the bar in New York was on one of those planes that crashed into the towers. The flights were all taking off from Boston. I just held her as she cried in the doorway. When I told her to come to the couch, she did.

"How the hell does someone like that pass through security?" she asked me.

"I have no idea," I shrugged. "What do you think this means?"

"We're probably going to war."

"Don't say that," I said. I couldn't handle another deployment, especially with the news that I was given at the doctor's office earlier.

"What? It's true. We are probably going to go over and try to find Bin Ladan or whatever terrorist group caused this."

"God..." I started. "You think the guys were called into the city to help?"

"Yeah. They would be with us if they weren't. I'm sure they're going there to help with the search and rescue and make sure that everything is trying to be handled smoothly. Did you see the people jumping from the buildings? And that the entire south tower is gone?"

"Yeah," I said, as I breathed heavily. I made my way into the kitchen to grab something from the fridge. I was starving even though I knew I would throw up as soon as I put this in my mouth. "I just...I don't even know what to say."

"I'm speechless," she told me as she grabbed a cigarette out of her purse. "You want one?"

"No," I chuckled. "I'm okay."

"You always smoke when you're stressed. Is there something wrong?"

"Nope," I told her.

"How was work this morning?" she asked me. I think I knew what she was getting at.

"It was fine."

"You know, I know when you're lying to me. I know your ass didn't go to work," she chuckled.

"I did too!" I said in a convincing voice.

"Wanna have a glass of wine?"

"No," I replied. "Its what, 2pm? Don't you have a class?"

"The entire city is shut down, goof!" she yelled. "What about an omelet? An ooey, gooey, cheesy omlet with big chunks of ham and bacon..."

"Brantli," I said, staring at her with this devilish grin on my face.

"What? Does it make you want to vomit?" she asked. After taking another drag off of her cigarette, she looked at me and smiled. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

I bit into the side of the apple that laid in my hand. "Maybe,"

"You're pregnant?!" she said again, making sure that she had an emphasis on both words."Aubrey Nevaeh Teller!"

"I know," I said, smiling at her. "I know. I'm going to be a mom."

"Holy shit!" Brantli said, as she made her way over to me. She gave me a hug, and then looked down at my stomach. "You're going to need a lot of help, especially if the guys get deployed. Maybe I should move in?"

"I mean, you are only three houses away."

"I'm serious, Aubrey. You're going to need a ton of help with the baby."

"With her, you mean," I said, smiling.

"How far along are you?!"

"I'm only ten weeks. But, the baby's heart rate is a lot faster than most. The doctor said she would be stunned if I'm not carrying a girl."

"Oh lord. Another Aubrey Teller," she laughed. "Your mom would be so happy," she smiled.

"I know," I replied back.

"You know you're going to have to call Gems."

"Oh yeah. I already know."

"And you're going to have to tell Jax."

"You think today is really the ideal day to tell him?" I asked.

"Well, he's bound to find out sooner or later. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed yet."

"I'm too scared to tell him."

"You're going to have to!" she yelled. "I cannot believe that you guys are going to be parents."

"I know. I can barely raise myself let alone a baby."

"I think you've done a really good job," she smiled. "Jax is going to be thrilled. Haven't you guys been wanting to get pregnant for a couple of years now?" she asked, as we made our way back to the living room.

"Yeah, we have. But I didn't think it was possible with my anemia."

"Well, apparently it is," she chuckled. "I mean, it took you guys long enough."

"Yeah," I said, thinking about it. Jax and I had been married for nearly five years now. And it really did take us awhile. But I didn't mind, honestly. I could handle being married as a teenager, sure. But I was too fucked up back then to be a mom, too.

"Thought of any names yet?"

"No," I laughed.

"Brantli is a pretty good name," she smiled.

"Nice try," I smiled back.

"Please don't name your baby Belle. Or Janis. Or something weird like that."

"I won't," I replied.

"I still vote Brantli," she laughed.

* * *

We continued watching everything unfold before our very eyes. Despite the good news of my pregnancy, we couldn't believe that this was happening. They had shut down every airport from New York to California, and the roads all over were put to a halt. We were under a state of emergency. It was the first time that either of us witnessed something like this. We had gotten several calls from home: Braison, Alyssa, my father, and Gemma. The call from Gemma was really sweet actually. All of them were watching exactly what we were, and they couldn't believe any of this shit was actually happening.

"You guys are okay right? I'm just checking on you," she had said.

"Yeah, we're okay. The guys are off in Manhattan. They were called in with the National Guard."

"Shit," Gemma replied. I could hear her puff something on the other line. "Anything else going on there?"

"Yeah," I said, breathing heavily. I stared at Brantli, who stared back at me wide eyed. "You're uh..."

"I'm uh, what Aubrey?"

"You're going to be a grandma."

The only person that I had left to tell was Jax. I thought of a million ways that I could of done this. But after today, I don't know a part of me didn't want to tell him until we knew for sure what was going on. I was relieved when the guys finally came walking through the front door. They were covered in soot and debris from the buildings. They both were pretty beaten up, and grabbed a beer as soon as they opened the fridge after kissing us both for a long period of time on the lips.

"How is it down there?" I asked.

"Well, neither of the towers are left. They are unsure of the death count right now," Jax said.

"Don't really want to talk about," Opie said, leaving it at that. "I'm gonna go home and grab a shower before the vigil tonight," he said. A couple of the other Army wives were planning a vigil on base tonight and wanted the support from all of us to join them. We couldn't say no, no matter what kind of day we all had.

"Yeah, I'm gonna do the same," Jax said, slamming his empty beer bottle down on the coffee table. Brantli mouthed 'tell him!' to me, because she couldn't keep the secret in anymore. I had promised Gemma and the rest of my family to not tell Jax. This was something that he didn't need to hear come from any of them. But I was sure that someone told him after he whisked me into the bedroom and said that we needed to talk. As we stood in our dark room, the only light that was illuminating was the one from the living room. He just held me in his arms as he cried. I knew this entire day was so hard for him. As he undressed, I could just see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm probably going to have to be shipped off to Iraq," he had said between sobs. "And I'm going to need you to be okay with that. I'm going to need you to be okay with not hearing from me while we go catch these sons of bitches."

I just nodded as he melted into my arms again. "Jackson."

"Aubrey, you have no idea the kind of shit that I saw up there today. How many lives we lost. It was the worst thing that I've ever seen in my entire life. Anything that the club has done does not compare to this in the long run."

"Jackson."

"I'm going to need you to just promise me. Promise me that you will be here for me for these next couple of weeks. I'm on pins and needles. We could go to war at any time baby. And I need you to be okay with that."

"It's your job, baby. I know I need to be okay with that."

"I'm scared," he said.

"I am, too." I told him. "I'm terrified."

And I really was. Not only was i terrified that my husband would be going to war, I was terrified of going through this entire pregnancy without him at my side. It was in that moment of weakness that I knew I couldn't tell him. I knew that it was wrong to hide something like this from him and I thought maybe it might cheer him up. Maybe me telling him that I was pregnant would change everything.

* * *

The vigil that night was simply beautiful. The girls had all went around and passed out candles. When 8:45pm came around, we had a moment of silence followed by a prayer. We deid the same thing when 9:03pm came around. We all went around and talked about how grateful we were that our husbands had returned home to us after this unbearable day. And then, when October 5th of that year came around, Jax had woken me up in a frenzy. He had just been told from his commanding officer that we were going to war and that Bush had declared it this morning. He would be shipping off over the weekend to fight in Bagdad, a city in Iraq. We had promised each other that we would have one, final amazing night together before he needed to pack up and go to war. He and Opie and the entire community that we lived in would pretty much be going over there to fight. I still didn't tell him that I was pregnant.

We started off our night downtown at our local bar. We ate what would be Jax's last meal in New York, a greasy cheeseburger and sweet potato fries, complete with a Guinness beer and a couple of shots of Jack Daniels. He had asked me a million times why I didn't want to drink with him. I told him that I wasn't feeling well.

We had walked along the beach and collected seashells. We watched the sun set over New York City for the last time. It was the last time that we would be together for how ever long his deployment would last for. We went to a jazz club and danced and enjoyed the music as it tried to lift our spirits. But nothing had. Nothing would, quite frankly.

As we laid in bed that night, it was truly a sleepless night for the both of us. When he noticed how hard of a time I had falling asleep, I thought that possibly putting on one of the more risqué pieces of lingerie that I owned would do the trick to help him get over our last night of being together. As we made love in the moonlight, he noticed that something was off. I tried not to squirm as he touched my tender breasts or kissed my stomach. I'm sure he had noticed. I had been the same weight since we were fourteen. How could he not notice? But even after we rolled over and I laid in his arms for comfort, I still didn't tell him that I was pregnant.

"Are you still thinking about tomorrow?" he asked, as he began playing with my hair. "You know it's against the rules," he laughed.

"There's rules now?" I chuckled.

"Of course. There's a huge rule. If you're laying in bed with your husband that's about to be deployed, you don't think about it. I can tell its weighing heavy on your mind."

"I guess I'm just nervous about tomorrow."

"Why? There's nothing special about tomorrow. Tomorrow is just another day."

"Jackson," I told him.

"Aubrey, it is. Tomorrow is just another day in this life. You'll be here and I'll be there."

"That's what you said about Georgia. And Germany."

"Yeah, well now I'm saying it about Iraq," he replied. "I don't know where this is going to take me. What's going to happen to me. But we have been through more than enough in our short lives to know that everything is going to be okay. When I come back, I'm not going to be the same freckled face kid that grew up next door. I'm not going to be the same man."

"Jax, I thought you said we weren't going to talk about any of that stuff."

"I want you to know that if I don't come home. I love you, so much Aubrey Teller. You have been an amazing wife to me these last five years."

I turned over to face him completely. I cupped his face into my hands so that he was staring into my eyes. "Listen to me. You come back to me, Jax. I don't care if it's in two years, four years. Whatever. You come home to me. Just like we had always promised. We will get through this. Promise me that. Promise me that you will come home to me and love me and still see me as the little girl that loves the freckled face boy next door," I said, as I stuck my pinky out. Diesel jumped on the bed once he heard our booming voices.

He locked his pinky in mine. "I promise."

"Nothing is going to change, baby. You're just going away for a little bit to get this country back in order."

"I wish you were pregnant. I wish you were carrying a little part of the both of us so that I had something to look forward to when I came home."

"I wish I was," I told him. Those were not the words that I wanted to come out of my mouth by any means. I couldn't tell him I was pregnant. And I didn't.

* * *

When we arrived at JFK airport that morning, he was dressed in his ACU's and me in my corny "Army Wife" tshirt and jeans. Only at that moment, it didn't seem so corny. I seemed like a girl that was deeply in love with her husband that was leaving her once again. I couldn't wait for the day that we didn't have to worry about saying goodbye to one another ever again.

"I think goodbyes are getting easier," he laughed.

"I'm still going to miss you," I told him. As he grabbed onto me for one last time, he gave me a long kiss on the lips. "I can't wait to see you running towards me when I get off of this plane. Just like you did when I came back from Germany. You bolted towards me and just jumped in my arms,"

He handed me one of the dog tags around his neck. "Take care of yourself, Aubrey Teller."

"Come home to me," I begged.

"I promise. I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Teller," I said through my upcoming tears.

As he walked away into the airport and turned around and waived, I knew it was the last time that I would see the man that I had loved: the man that I was more proud of than I had ever been for the last time. It was the end of our era. We would never be the same Aubrey and Jax again. And you know what, girls? I still didn't tell him that I was pregnant.


	50. Chapter 50

**_January, 2002_**

_Aurora and Harley,_

_By now, I'm sure you girls are pissed at me. Don't worry, I was mad at myself for a long, long time for never telling your father that I was pregnant. We would try to send letters as often as we could, and I had lost count of how many times I had started with "hey by the way, I never told you but you're going to be a dad. Surprise." I knew that he would hate me for a long time, and quite frankly I hated myself too. I hated everything about how I looked right now, too as the months seemed to just drag on. Gemma had begged and pleaded that we just came back to Charming so that we could be around family during this difficult time. For what it's worth, Brantli was my only family right now. She was the one that I had to depend on most of the time._

_And I'm not saying that if its a bad thing! Your father is a hero. Your uncle Opie will always be a hero. All of the men and women that we have lost over the past couple months were heroes. Most people call us Army wives heroes. We tie the yellow ribbons on the trees, we write the letters, we anticipate phone calls that we know are never going to come. But we wait because we love them. We aren't the ones that are heroes. We aren't over there risking our lives to keep the ones that we loved safe. We were just the waiters. The girls that held on, hoping we would hear some type of news soon._

_But then they stopped showing the footage of the war on television. They stopped playing songs about what was going on on the radio. The letters that Jax and I had wrote had stopped coming. And the waiting got worse and you lost sleep but somehow you knew that they were okay, because an officer hadn't come to your door with a letter stating that your loved one was a POW or had lost his life out on the field. We had witnessed many, many of the wives on base go through it and we took in each death with them. I couldn't tell you how many Army funerals that I had been to in the past couple of months. But when the sadness overcame us and we couldn't bare with it anymore, we did what the both of us did best: we ran. We ran far away and we wound up in North Carolina, of all places. We got new jobs, we got a house. We knew the letters weren't coming or the calls or the video chats. We still tied the yellow ribbon on the tree in our front yard. We still hung the flag in the window with two yellow stars. We still wore our "Army Wife" tshirts with pride. We got flipped off because of our bumper stickers on our cars. We were judged for standing for the troops. And although I didn't talk to my husband or my best guy friend, we stood by them and the rest of the guys in their unit. We loved them. We couldn't take away from them what they signed up to do. And we couldn't love them any less._

* * *

We tried to have as many good days as we possibly could. We were surprised with how easily and how frequent those actually came about. We had gone through many bad days, that's for sure. The holidays were sure hard. Thanksgiving was just the two of us: four, if you counted the baby and Diesel. Christmas, too was just us. We had done gifts, we went to church. We decorated our three-bedroom townhouse with garland and twinkling lights. We rang in the New Year together and it was our first time in nearly five years not being in Time's Square amidst all of the chaos like we were used to. One of our first good days though happened in the middle of January. Brantli had been such a great support through my pregnancy and she begged to go to every single doctor's appointment with me. Today, I was going to find out the sex of mine and my husband's baby. And as the doctor rubbed the cool, blue gel on my expanding stomach, she smiled and told me the words that I had wanted to hear. "You're having a girl." And then the panic set in. I didn't want my daughter to grow up with no family. I didn't want her to grow up like I had with my parents not getting along because let's face it, Jax and I would never get along like we used to after keeping this secret from him.

"We have to start picking out a name," Brantli gushed over dinner that night.

"I know exactly what I want to name her," I smiled.

"Brantli, right?"

"No!" I said, laughing. "She is not going to have the same name as her godmother. I was thinking Sarah."

"Awe, Aubrey."

"Sarah Beth. The Beth coming from Gemma, of course."

"I think that's really sweet," she took a long sip of her wine. "You call Gemma yet?"

"No, no. Because then she's going to ask me how Jax took the news and then I'm going to of course have to tell her that I have yet to tell her son."

"Why haven't you told him yet? I'm just curious. That boy has loved you through everything."

"That's just the thing. He's loved me through everything. All of my faults, my weaknesses. I knew that he would never go off to fight after learning that I was pregnant. He would have found some way to stay home. He would have faked breaking a bone or getting shot or something insane like that. You know how he is."

"So, the ideal way to tell him is when she's three? Or four? What if he never gets to know that he has a daughter? Do you know how bad that would fucking hurt all of us?"

"I know! God, I know Brantli. How do you think I feel?"

"Well maybe you should have fucking told him then."

"I know."

"Just write him a letter. Dear Jackson, guess what? I'm having a baby. Please don't be mad at me. Love Aubrey."

"Do you know how many letters I have like that sitting on the coffee table? A million. I can't bring myself to send a single one. The last letter I received was in December. He told me that he wouldn't be able to write for a while."

"Well what about October or November? You could have told him then."

"You're pissing me off, dude. Do you know that? It's my choice who I want in my child's life and when. I know that Jax is not going to be himself when he comes home. He isn't going to be the same coming back from the war. He could be so enraged and get one taste of the violence and love it. He could go back to Charming and become a member of the Sons and he could throw away everything that we have worked hard to build and get away from for the past six years. Jax was the one that told me that Charming is not a place to raise a family. Jax is the one that told me we needed to get out while we can."

"I didn't know that."

"Well you don't know a lot about our relationship."

"I'm sorry for snapping."

"I'm sorry for being a bitch."

She made her way into the kitchen and pulled out two containers of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. She handed me a spoon and one of the containers and I dug in, making sure I got all of the flavors on that little spoon.

"Why did your parents name you Aubrey?"

"My mom spelt it wrong on my birth certificate," I said, laughing.

"Are you serious?" she said, laughing as we turned the volume on the television down. Diesel hooped up on her lap. "Diesel, go lay down! You can't have ice cream crazy dog." He didn't listen and just snuggled up on her leg.

"Yeah, my mom was obsessed with Breakfast at Tiffany's. It was her favorite movie when she was growing up. So really, my name should have been Audrey Nevaeh Springsteen. Her pen ran out and she accidentally put a B instead of a D."

"Do you know what Aubrey means?" she asked, as she flipped the baby book open.

"Nope," I said.

"Elf leader!" she said. "Is that why you're so short?"

"You've got jokes tonight, huh?" I asked, rubbing my stomach.

"Where does Nevaeh come from?"

"It's Heaven spelt backwards. My mom always said it was a gift from heaven that she got pregnant with me. I was the accident child."

"I was an accident, too!" she said.

"What's Brantli mean?"

"I was supposed to be a boy, so my name was supposed to be Brantley Ray. Spelt with y's. When my mom had me and the nurses told her I was a girl, she just tweaked it."

"What does your name me?"

"Firebrand or something," she said, laughing. "Rae means grace though. I can live with that."

"What's Sarah mean?" I asked.

"Sarah..." she said, flipping through the pages with her sticky ice cream fingers. "From Hebrew, meaning 'princess'"

"Oh my god. No, hell no."

"What? You don't like it?"

"She's going to go around her entire life thinking she's a goddamn princess."

"Your husband is the one that's going to treat her like a princess."

"Yeah, he will," I laughed, licking my thumb that I had somehow gotten my Cherry Garcia ice cream on. I grabbed one of the chips from the nearby Lays bag and dipped it into my ice cream, using it to get every last bit of it on there.

"You're disgusting!" she yelled.

"It's like dipping fries in a milkshake."

"No! No it's not. Oh my god how nasty!" she said, laughing.

"What about Beth? What does that mean?"

"It means house?" she said. "But it's short for Elizabeth."

"We definitely need to come up with a better name. My roommate at Berkley's name was Elizabeth and I hated that bitch."

"Here, I have an idea," she said, as she made her way to the staircase. "Ariel!"

"What are you doing?"

"You have to practice what her name is going to sound like being screamed up the stairs if she gets in trouble."

"My daughter isn't going to be getting in trouble."

"Okay think about what you just said. Your daughter. Your daughter. You were such a troublemaker."

"Don't let Braison fool you! I was a good kid."

"Bullshit. I was a "good kid" too. But I still got in trouble. I'm sure you'll be screaming her name up the stairs a lot."

"And then Jax is going to give in and tell her that she didn't do anything wrong," I said, laughing.

"You're catching on already."

"Ariel!" I yelled. "Although, I'm not naming my daughter after a princess."

"What about Arabella? That means answered prayer. Her nickname could be Belle. I'm sure you would love that."

"Didn't I just tell you no princess names?"

"Ashleigh!" she yelled.

"Brittany!" I yelled. "Megan! Taylor! Melissa!" we were pretty much just trying names now to see if anything sounded good.

"What was Abby's favorite princess growing up?"

"Which one pricks her finger on the spinning wheel thing?"

"Sleeping Beauty," she replied.

"What was her real name?"

"Do I look like Walt Disney?" she asked me.

"It's like Ara or something," I replied.

"What about Mary?"

"Oh yeah let's name my daughter Mary Jane that'll go over real well with everyone, I'm sure."

"Gwendolyn?"

"What the hell kind of baby name book did you buy?" I asked.

"Shania?"

"You better take that back right now," I said.

"What about Natalie? That's pretty."

"I like Natalie."

"What about Natalie Lynn? That's really nice."

"I don't like the Lynn."

"Payton?"

"Didn't you just say Natalie?" I asked her. "I can't wait until you have a kid so that we can name it something weird."

"I already have my names picked out. Aurora Gene for a girl and Brayden Reese for a boy."

"Aurora! That's the girls name that pricked her hand on the spinning wheel."

"I know that. She was my favorite princess growing up. Your niece and I bonded over that."

I smiled at her. "You know, as godmother..."

"Oh, no," she said, as she made her way back over to the couch. "I'm not letting you steal my baby name."

"Come on, Brantli. Please."

"No way! I've always wanted to name my daughter Aurora."

"But I love it," I told her. "Aurora! Aurora Gene!"

"I don't like the Gene now that you yelled it."

"Aurora Sarabeth!" I said, yelling loud up the stairs.

"Oh my god, it sounds perfect. I can picture this little blonde girl running down the stairs with a teddy bear in her hands."

"And blue eyes."

"And Jax's lips. And his jaw." "And his smile. Well you both have nice smiles."

"She'd have my nose. My ears."

She pondered for a moment, and then looked at me sadly. "You know, I should be given best friend of the year award or something."

"I can have it?" I asked her.

"Aurora Sara-Beth Teller. You have to put the hyphen in there or else it sounds weird."

"Aurora Sara-Beth Teller! Get your ass down these stairs right now!" I yelled.

"Aurora Sara-Beth Teller! I know you were the one that drew with crayons on the walls!"

"Aurora Sara-Beth Teller! I know you're the one that ate the last cookie."

"Didn't fold the clothes," Brantli said.

"Didn't feed the dog. Didn't empty the dishwasher. Didn't put your plate away again."

"I know you're the one that left your glass out! Use a coaster, young lady!" Brantli laughed.

"No you cannot wear red lipstick."

"You cannot go to the movies with that boy."

"Are you hiding your Bruce Springsteen and Rolling Stones records in the Elton John sleeves again?"

"Did you steal my car to go out?"

"Did you leave the house wearing that outfit this morning?"

"Did you know how much I love you? Do you really know how much I love you baby girl."

"You don't have to always use a coaster. And I'll make sure I put the dishes away. I know you had a rough day at school," Brantli said.

"Of course you can listen to Bruce Springsteen and the Rolling Stones. And I'm your mom and I'm going to sing right along with you."

"You can wear red lipstick. Your mom hated it and didn't know how to do her makeup properly."

"You can go to the movies. And here's $50. Have a good time."

"I know you stole my car. But you made it back alive. And that's okay."

"And I'm never going to judge you for not wearing the right outfit. I can't even tell you the times that I went home because of the outfits that I wore."

"Those boys are no good and they will break your hear from here until the moon. But you know what? I'm going to be here and we are going to watch The Breakfast Club and eat junk food and I'll watch you cry and just tell you how awful your dad was when he was that guys age."

"Trust me, they don't stay like that forever," Brantli said, laughing.

"Aurora Sara-Beth has a very bright future ahead of her," I replied. "She's kicking again."

Brantli placed her hand on my stomach and felt each little kick as it bounced onto her hand. "God that's the best feeling in the world."

"It'll be even better when I have her in my arms and hold her. When I can look at her and tell her how much I love her. So that I can raise her to become this strong, amazing, powerful woman."

"She's got the best person for it," Brantli said, smiling at me. "You're not alone, Aubs. I promise. I am going to be right here with you until they come home."

I hadn't even thought about Jax at all. You want to know the most terrifying thing about that good day? I could picture myself as a single mother. I could picture Jax never coming home. Never knowing his daughter. And I think my choice of not to tell him was a great one. Until the commotion died down and Brantli went into her bedroom to sleep for the night. She had to be up early in the morning for work. I did, too but I was too jittery to sleep. And, Aurora thought it would be great to rest herself right onto my rib.

_Dear Jax,_

_You're going to be a dad. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner._

_Love, Aubrey_

The letter never went through the mail. I got it back two weeks later with a "return to sender" postmarked in big, bold, red letters on the front. I guess that was God's way of telling me that I should have told him sooner.

* * *

I don't know where you are in the world, Jackson Teller. I just want to know that you are safe. And that you are going to come home and we will all pick up the pieces as a family. You'll look at her in her sleep, safe from the world and tell me how proud you are that I raised our baby girl while you were off being a hero. You'll tell me how glad you are that we didn't move to Charming although your mom begged and pleaded a million times. We will finally be a family, away from Charming and away from the life that you wanted your daughter to be away from all this time. We won't go home to visit. We won't go home to introduce her to the guys. She'll never know her uncle Braison or her Aunt Alyssa or her cousins. Or her grandfather. She will never know what it's like to be stared down and then hugged by Gemma Teller. She will never know the scent of leather or what a Harley Davidson Motorcyle is and how much fun it truly is to ride on the back of one. How the California air feels on her skin. She will never know what it's like to have to wait for someone to come home. It's kind of weird, isn't it? They're waiting for us to come home and I'm here, waiting for my husband to. When I finally stopped getting his letters all together, I never called him to tell him. I didn't tell him about the baby shower that we had, how I made sure her nursery was painted pink and there was a yellow ribbon that hung from the wall next to his dogtag and a picture of us on our wedding day. How I made sure that her crib was safe and that we were fully stocked up on baby wipes and diapers and those cute little outfits that I would dress her in one day.

And when I went into labor on April 3rd, 2002 and spent 38 long hours dealing with the pain that she caused me, I looked up at her blue eyes. Her little stubs of brunette hair. My smile. His jawline, his nose. Ten little fingers. Ten little toes. How perfect she was. I never ever dared to call him and tell him that he was now a father.


	51. Chapter 51

_Aurora and Harley,_

_One of the best joys in life is being able to hold your daughter in your arms and bring her home. That's when the real parenting kicks in. You make sure that everything is ready for her arrival so that she will feel safe and secure. But, as soon as I saw a Tahoe sitting in our driveway on that Wednesday morning, I didn't feel so safe and secure anymore._

"Are you expecting someone?" I asked Brantli as we pulled into the driveway.

"No," she said, as she turned my Cavalier off. "Are you?"

"No," I replied. I was a little bewildered to be honest. I didn't know who it could possibly be. I grabbed Aurora's car seat and my overnight bag and hopped out of the car. We made our way up to the driveway. I let Brantli go in first. Our house was unlocked, and as soon as we walked in, I saw eight familiar faces sitting on the couch.

"Aunt Aubrey!" I heard a little girl yell as she made her way over to me. Holy shit it was Abby. My once five year old niece turned into a ten year old practically overnight. She looked just like my mother. It was terrifying.

"Hi," I said, as Brantli grabbed Aurora's car seat out of my hand so that I could give Abby a hug. "What are you guys doing here? How did you get in?" I was a little scared that they had even found out where we lived. We made sure that we didn't tell them that we were moving when we did.

"We came to see you," Alyssa said. "And the baby."

"How did you get into my house?" I asked, trying to keep my tone minimal.

"You shouldn't leave your key under the mat," Gemma said, as she made her way over to me. By this point, I was swaddling my daughter in my arms.

"It was for an emergency."

"It's still careless. Anyone could have broken in here. Just be glad it was us."

"I'm not glad," I said, looking at her. "How did you guys find out where I lived?"

"Hey, Paisley. Abby. Why don't you guys take Diesel outside and play?" Brantli asked, as she sat her purse down on the counter.

"Okay," Abby told us. I should have reminded Brantli that she wasn't five anymore. We couldn't treat her like she still was. As the kids made their way outside, I took a spot on one of the love seats across from my father.

"How did you guys find out where I lived?" I asked. "I don't have time to deal with Charming bullshit. I'm dead tired."

"We can't come see you now?" Braison asked.

"A call would have been nice, you know. I am a new mother."

"Well, you refused to come home. And we wanted to see our granddaughter. We have every right to."

"You guys don't come for the holidays. You didn't come for my college graduation. My shower. Brantli and Op's wedding. Who the hell told you where I was living?"

"I did," Brantli spoke up. "Aubrey we need to go home."

"You're out of your mind," I told her.

"I think we can all be adults about this. You can't be a single mom."

"I can do whatever the hell I please. Jax isn't coming home. He hasn't called. He hasn't written. I have no idea where he is. He doesn't want anything to do with myself or his daughter."

"What do you mean? We just talked to him," Braison said, as Alyssa punched his side.

"Get out!" I yelled. "I don't need this shit right now."

"I think we can all be adults about this."

"If you guys do not leave in five seconds, I will call the cops on you."

"Aubrey."

"One," I started. "I don't think they would be pleased to know what you do for a living."

"You're acting like a child!" Alyssa yelled.

"Two," I said, as I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket. "Three," I replied.

Gemma, my father, Braison, and Alyssa got up to go tell the kids to come inside.

"We'll be staying at the Marriott if you want to talk. I know you, you'll come around."

"Four," I said, as I heard the kids and my dog come in from outside. Abby gave me a hug goodbye, and they were on their way out the door in a flash.

"I am so sorry. I had no idea that they would come here."

"Leave me alone," I told her, as I began to make my way towards the nursery.

"Aubrey!" she yelled, pretty much running after me. "You're going to have to talk to someone sooner or later."

"Why? They've heard from Jax and I haven't? Did they drive 36 hours to tell me that?" I asked. "As of now I'm done with that family," I said, as I laid my daughter down in her bassinet.

"You don't mean that."

"Then what do I mean?" I asked her. "What do I mean when I say I'm done with the family."

"'Maybe Jax doesn't know how to talk to you yet."

"No, I'm sure he knows how to. I think he doesn't want to though. He doesn't want to have to come home and deal with me. He wants to be a part of that club. He wanted to sway my entire perception of it so that I never went home. And now I'm the bad guy because I don't want to move back."

"And you have every right to not want to. You think I want to go back there? Gemma called and said that she heard from the guys and she thought it might have been a missed communication."

"Don't think so," I replied. "But nice try."

"If it makes you feel any better," she started as she turned to face the doorway. "They're fine. They're safe. They're in Afghanistan now."

"Thanks," I replied to her.

"You're going to come around. You're going to want to know what your husband said."

"What husband?" I asked. "I don't have a husband anymore. I have someone that I have tried to support for the past five years that apparently doesn't feel the same."

"Aubrey," she replied.

"Can you just leave me alone please?" I asked her.

* * *

It sucks when you know everyone is right. The first person that I came around to though was my father. I had asked him over to dinner that evening. He was so excited, too. He gushed about how well Mia was doing in school and how Chris was signing up for t-ball this summer. He was a lot older now. A lot wiser. He had managed to move on with his life. Maybe I should take his route and do the same thing? The only thing binding me right now was a wedding ring and a daughter with a man that I didn't even know any more.

"I didn't even want you going out with Jax, if it makes you feel any better," my dad started as I began cleaning up the kitchen. "I thought he was trouble. Your mom though, she told me you were in love. She could see it in your eyes. I knew that something like this would happen."

"Well, I guess I'll pick my next husband a lot better," I replied. And I was being serious.

"What's the flag in the window for? The ribbon around the tree."

"It means come home. Dad, you're from a military family. You should know that."

"I know. I was wondering if you still knew though."

The next couple of people weren't so easy though. While my dad had shed light that Jax would come home and that he would write soon or call as soon as he could, I still couldn't grasp the fact that he had called his mother over his wife.

"What did Jax say? Make it brief," I said over coffee the next morning.

"He told me that he was safe. He apologized for not being able to call or write for a while because they were in combat and out in the field a lot."

"Why didn't he call me though?"

"He didn't call me either, sweetie. He called Clay."

Clay?! Now this was all beginning to get a little odd. Why would he call Clay of all people?

"Wow. Okay, now I'm even more pissed," I laughed roughly. "Wow."

"That's what I said."

"Do you know when the last time I heard from him was? December! He wrote to tell me Merry Christmas and how much he loved me and blah, blah, blah. Opie hasn't called Brantli either. That's just what makes it even more weird."

Gemma shrugged. "I don't know, baby. I know it's really weird. But at least he's calling."

"Whatever," I replied. I forgot how good coffee and a cigarette really was in the morning.

"You think he's mad at you? You did tell him about Aurora, right?"

"Of course," I said, as I grasped the current lie through my teeth. "I've sent letters, pictures of me while I was pregnant. I put her birth announcement in the mail for him. I keep getting 'return to sender' stamps back. It's like he's avoiding me and his daughter. His life that he built with me."

"We are here for you, Aubrey. I want you to know that. You and Aurora and Brantli are more than welcome to come stay with us," Braison said.

"I like North Carolina," another lie. I hated this town more than I had ever hated anything in my life. Not more than Arizona though.

"You don't think I've thought about coming home a million times? I gave up everything for him."

"Aubrey,"

"Stop! Would everyone stop Aubrey-ing me like I'm some sort of child? I am not a child. I can take things pretty well."

"Then take the fact that you need to come home pretty well."

"Do you know who told me not to come home?! Your son! Your son told me that he was done with Charming. He was done with all of you. He was done with the Sons of Anarchy. He would never return back to Charming. I did all of this for him!" I said, as I gripped onto my coffee cup tighter. I could feel the glass crumble in my hands and the coffee begin spilling out over the table and onto my hand. Alyssa rushed me over to the sink so that I could get the burning sensation to subside. And then I heard Aurora's screeching crying like she had been doing for the last couple of days.

"Fuck!" I mumbled under my breath. I had decided in that moment that I wouldn't cry though. Everyone was watching me. Everyone was seeing what I would do under the pressure.

"I'll go get her," Gemma volunteered, as she got up from the table and made her way down the hall to the nursery. When she came back, Aurora had stopped crying and Gemma was now talking to her in a soothing voice. "She loves her grandma already, I can tell," she replied and took her seat back at the table.

"You know, I named her after you. Well, her middle name anyway."

"Aurora Sara-Beth? It's a good name, baby. Especially with the Beth in there." By this time, my brother and sister-in-law had made their way outside to smoke another cigarette.

"She looks so much like him."

"No way, I think she looks more like you," she told me, as she gripped her pinky around Aurora's little first.

I shrugged, and just looked over at her. "You understand why I can't go back there, right?"

"You will, babe. You'll end up coming back. Everyone does. That's the thing about family. We can not talk for years and somehow, you end up coming back to us."

* * *

When their week long stay was finally over and it was just Brantli and I, we had carried on with our lives like we had wanted to. We made up, sure and had even tossed around the idea that Clay was lying about the entire thing. Why would the guys not reach out to us?

I hated the fact that Jax wasn't here for Aurora's firsts: her first time that she crawled on the living room floor. The first time that she walked and started bumping her head on all of the coffee tables. Her first birthday. Her first words. It was puzzling to me, because as those days turned into months and those months into two years, I hadn't heard from Jax at all. But we had heard from Opie. A lot, actually. Him and Jax were doing fine, Jax taking everything much harder than he was. And then, we heard the news that we had been hoping for: Opie was coming home on leave. And I only prayed that Jax would be coming with him.


	52. Chapter 52

The funny thing about expectations and reality is that the reality is always worse than what we had expected it to be. It always sucked so much more. What I expected to happen when we got to Raleigh-Dunham National Airport was to see Jackson and Opie waiting for us. We would run into their arms and kiss them as they set their bags down. We would talk all night and catch up over beers and good laughs and plenty of jokes. What I got though was just Opie. A clean cut, pristine Opie in his ACU's. He had looked rough, but the look in his eyes when he saw Brantli bolting for him was priceless. She jumped right into his arms as her 5'9 figure melted into his 6'3 frame.

"I have never been happier to see you in my life," she said, smiling and smearing her mascara everywhere. I'll have to say, a little part of me was hoping that Jax would peer his head around the corner and run to me.

"I've never been happier to be back here. I kissed the ground when I got off of the plane," he laughed.

"Hi Op," I told him, as I made my way over to where he was standing. On my arm though was my daughter, who was now two. I set her down, and he squatted to her level.

"And who is this?" he asked, his voice turning softer.

"This is your goddaughter, Aurora. Aurora, can you say hi to your Uncle Opie?" I asked her. She gave him a hug huge, and he melted into her arms.

"My god, Aubrey. She's perfect," he smiled. She really was. She was this tiny, harmless little girl whose once brunette hair was now a dirty blonde color and done in little pigtails. She even wore a US Army logo shirt and was holding onto her red teddy bear.

"Thank you," I smiled back.

"She's?" he asked me.

"She's his," I laughed.

"I had no idea," he said. "I bet if he knew he would have taken his leave now too."

"He got a choice?" I asked.

"I'll tell you all about that back at the house. I'm starving," he laughed.

"Mommy and I bakded you a cake," she smiled at him.

"I love cake," he replied.

Brantli, Opie, Aurora and I made our way out of the airport and into my vehicle. We turned the music on, then turned it down.

"You guys live in the middle of bum-fuck," he laughed.

"Opie, you can't swear around her!" I yelled, laughing in reply. "She's at that stage where she picks up on what everyone is saying."

"Oh boy," he said.

"Oh boy!" she replied. "Mommy, where's bum-fook?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Aurora, that is a bad word. You can't say that word okay baby?"

"How old is she?" he asked.

"A little over two. Her birthday was in April," I replied.

"My birthday is in April too! What day is it on?"

"I dunno," she said, shrugging.

"Aurora, you know your numbers," Brantli told her. "We were practicing them this morning. Your birthday is on what day?" she glared at her through the rear view mirror.

She held up a "one" and a "three."

"Mines on the eighth, so yours is four days before mine."

"It's the thirteenth," I told him.

"Oh," he replied back as we pulled into town. We had nasty looks from the outside world as we pulled down on our street. Opie noticed the yellow ribbon on the tree and the flag in the window that still had both stars on it. No matter if I haven't heard from Jax in two years, I still wanted him to come home.

"I'm making meatloaf for dinner," Brantli said, fishing through her purse for her keys. We made our way inside and Diesel jumped on Opie immediately. "Hi buddy," he said, as he pet him. Diesel had jumped on Aurora too and she just did her big belly laugh.

"Aurora, you ready for a nap?" I asked her, throwing my keys up on the key hook.

"Noooo!" she yelled, as she ran into the living room and hid behind the couch.

"Aurora Sara-Beth. You have to take your nap. We all are going to take one with you."

"Do you pwomise?" she asked me.

"You can lay down in mommy's bed with her baby girl."

"Okay!" she said, as she made her way into her bedroom and grabbed a large handful of stuffed animals.

"Oh look, the whole gang is joining you," Opie laughed.

"Shut up," I replied back and made my way into the master bedroom. I could hear them talking outside as I tried to tuck my tired-eyed daughter under the covers.

"So, Jax really didn't come home, huh?" Brantli asked him. I knew it was for my sake, but she should be able to enjoy her time with him as well.

"No, he signed up for another tour," he tried to whisper.

"Did he give you a reason why he hasn't called or written?"

"Why do we have to talk about Jax? Come on, babe. I haven't seen you in two years. We have a lot to catch up on."

Another tour? Great. Let's see how much longer I could go without hearing from my husband before the next thing I sent him were divorce papers...

* * *

Dinner that night was really nice. Brantli made her homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes, green beans, and homemade rolls. We had light conversations about over there and over here and finished it up with coffee and the chocolate cake that Aurora had attempted to help me make. I gave her her bath and got her in her pajamas for the night.

"What book do you wanna hear tonight, baby girl?"

She pointed to the Winnie the Pooh book on her shelf, and I cozied up next to her in the little twin sized bed. She made sure she had all of her stuffed animals with her before telling me that she was ready. Four minutes into the story, she was knocked out like a light.

"Love you," I told her, pushing her little thin bangs out of her eyes and kissing her on the forehead. As I began to pick up the little bit of clutter around the room, Opie appeared in the doorway. "No more Thirsty Thursday's, I take it," he said whispering.

"Yeah," I laughed. "It's more like tea party Thursday's."

"You thinking about heading to bed? I wanted to talk to you," he replied.

"Yeah, no I've got time," I said as we made our way into the living room. I shut her light off and I

got the fireplace going as I poured us each a little glass of wine.

"You're doing great with her," he said, as I took my spot on the love seat across from him.

"Thanks," I replied. "Your wife is going to be a great mother. She's been a huge help with Aurora."

"It seems like it. I couldn't imagine doing it alone," he said.

"It's tough. But it's all worth it. She makes my entire day," I started. "So, where is he Op?"

"He's in Kuwait right now. That's where I just came from, too. It's getting bad so our officer told us that we had a leave coming up. We could take it or just jump right into another tour. He chose the tour. It would get him out a lot faster."

"He tell you why he hasn't written?"

"He has, Bre. He's written you a million letters."

"I haven't gotten a single one," I replied.

"I don't know why," he started. "I just think that's a little odd."

"Tell me about it."

"How 'come you never told him you were pregnant?" he asked, as he pulled a tin can from his jeans.

"I know what you're about to do. Don't do it."

"I don't smoke any more. Gotta get the nicotine in there somehow," he replied.

"You're disgusting," I laughed, as he opened the tin and took a huge pinch of Copenhagen Straight out and stuck it in his jaw. I grabbed an empty plastic cup from the cabinet so that he would have something to spit in.

"Your husband does it too," he chuckled. "It's safer for us."

"He better knock that shit off before he comes home!" I yelled.

"You never answered my question."

"Opie I did tell him. I've written him letters. I've tried sending pictures. Each time, they come back undelivered. It's like he doesn't exist or something."

"That's weird as hell," he replied.

"What about phone calls?" I asked.

"If you goof off you don't get them. He's been acting out a lot lately."

"How?"

"Just raising hell in the unit. You know, typical Jax type shit."

"But he's okay? He's safe?"

"He's safe, Aubrey. I wouldn't tell you he was if he wasn't. He's doing good. He just misses you. He misses home."

"Will you tell him about her, please?"

"Of course," he smiled.

"He's not like, writing to another girl or something, is he?"

"God, no. How could you even think something like that?" he asked me.

"I have no idea. This is Jackson that we are talking about."

"I've seen him write to you."

"And he knows we moved, right?"

"Yep, he was a little disappointed, but he wasn't surprised when Clay told him."

"Clay told him we moved?"

"Yeah, he gave him your address and everything."

"Hmmph," I said, letting out a small groan. "When is his next tour over?"

"A year," Opie replied.

"Well, that's good."

"I guess so, yeah," he replied back.

"Clay didn't really give him the address, did he?"

"He did. But the last time that Jax wrote you was a couple of weeks ago. He just wants to focus on working and getting out now. I don't know why he didn't take leave with me. This war has messed him up pretty bad, Bre. He's not the same guy."

"I know."

"So, tell me about her. What's she like?"

"Aurora? My god, she's amazing. She is so smart for her age. She's so active, she loves music. Loves to dance around the house like a silly little girl. She loves to help me do stuff. She'll sit with me when I cook."

"She sounds like one hell of a kid."

"You think Jax is going to feel the same way? I mean what if he never gets the chance to meet her? Teach her everything that he knows about life. What if he never knows that she's allergic to Downy fabric softener and bee stings, that she has to be read a story every night? What if he never knows that her favorite color is pink and that her favorite stuffed animal is Mr. Hugsy and that if she doesn't have him she will make me turn the car around. What if he never gets to see her grow up into this beautiful woman and graduate from high school and get married? That would break my heart."

"I know it would. Have you told her about him?"

"You want a beer?" I asked, as I got up and made my way to the fridge in the kitchen. I pulled out two Budweisers and sat them down in front of us.

"You're avoiding my question again. I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to run back and tell him that you haven't let his daughter know where her father is."

"I just can't bring myself to tell her." I replied.

"If you won't, then I will. That little girl is not going to grow up thinking her dad just ran out. It's not her fault he signed up for the Army and was deployed."

I just nodded my head in sympathy. We barely made it through our beers when I heard the pitter-patter of little feet make their way into the living room.

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby?"

She made her way over to us, still rubbing her eye. "Bedtime,"

"I know, it's way past mommy's bedtime. But I haven't seen your uncle in so long, it's nice to catch up with him."

"You know, honey," he said, as he picked her up and sat her on the couch next to him. "I've known your mommy for a long time. Her, me, your Aunt Brantli, and your daddy all grew up together."

She nodded her head as she began taking in every word that he said. "My daddy?"

"Yeah, honey. Here," I said, as I made my way over to one of the many walls of pictures that we had in the house. I pulled down one of our wedding pictures, then the one from all of us at Disneyland. "Your daddy and mommy have been married for a long time. But before that we were best friends. We all grew up in California together and then we got married and had you. You look just like him, baby. You've got his hair and his beautiful blue eyes."

"Where is he?" she asked, pointing to a picture of him.

"He is..." I didn't even know what to say to her.

"He's off being a superhero," Opie replied. "He is off on the other side of the world fighting the bad guys to keep you safe."

"Cool," she said, smiling.

"Why don't you go back in your room and mommy will be in there in a minute to read to you?"

She got up and hugged Opie again, and then myself, and made her way back into the room. "A superhero, right?"

"Yeah. I think that's fitting."

"She's going to think he's Batman or something. You do know that right?"

"Nope, just Jax Teller. Your very own superhero," he laughed.

"I'll be right back," I promised.

"I'm gonna go sleep with my wife, actually."

"Okay. I'll see you in the morning," I told him. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as I made my way into my daughter's room.

"Is that daddy's?" she asked, pointing to the chain around my neck.

"It is," I said, as I made my way over to her bed. I picked her up and sat her across my lap as I took my spot in the wooden rocking chair in the corner. "But I think you should have it." I said, as I placed it around her neck after taking it off of mine. She looked at it, and tried to read what it said but knew that she couldn't be able to. "It says 'Jackson Nathaniel Teller. Certified superhero."

She smiled when I said that and snuggled up against my chest. It didn't really say that: more like his name, social security number, blood type, and religion preference. The second one had his unit number on there. But I would never tell her that.

"Want me to sing or read?" I asked her.

"Sing," she said, smiling up at me.

I began to sing "You Are My Sunshine" which is the song that my mom used to sing to me when I couldn't fall asleep. As soon as she was sound asleep and the only thing I could hear was the small sounds of her snoring, I tucked her back into bed and put the dogtag on her wall next to her name plaque. I smiled as I turned the light off and made my way out to the living room. I placed the pictures back up on the wall and when I looked at them, I couldn't help but start crying. I loved him so much it actually hurt. It hurt me that somehow, someway I wasn't getting the letters that he was writing to me. I wasn't getting any of the phone calls or the chats like Brantli was. But, my husband was of course a hero off fighting the bad guys to keep us safe. I just wish he would stop fighting those bad guys and come home. Because not only was he a superhero to those people over there, he was our hero. And we needed saving, too. When Opie's week long stay was over and we had to say goodbye, we made it count. I just wish that we had made it count even more.

* * *

_Aurora and Harley, _

_Do you remember how I told you that I was sorry for you that you would never know some of the people that I grew up with? I feel even more sorry for you now that you will never know what it's like to grow up with some of the people that had changed my life. And I don't know why. Maybe it's because all of the memories that I had with this person were special. More special that any of you could probably ever begin to grasp onto. I feel extremely sorry for you, Harley. Because you will never know the joy that this person could bring to your life. And on that cold day in December of 2004, I never meant those words more than I had. I am sorry for you that you will never be in this man's presence. Because without him, I don't know how I would have survived half of the things that went on in my life. I pray that none of you ever get into a relationship with someone in the military so that you can never experience the hurt that it is when a strange black milk rag vehicle pulling into your driveway is like. And the thing about that day is that up until that point, it had been amazing. We were in the midst of having a huge dance party in the kitchen when we heard that horrible knock at the door. The knock that no woman ever wants to have happen in her home._

I answered the door and saw a commanding officer for the United States Army standing on our porch. "Brantli Winston?"

"That's me," she said, overhearing what he said and making her way to the door. I tuned the music down and smiled at him. "Can I help you?"

He couldn't even speak to her as he handed her a letter. When she opened it up so that we both could see, she just collapsed onto the floor, crying hysterically. On the inside was one of the letters that you never wished to come. It simply read:

_I have been asked to inform you that your husband, Harold Opie Winston has been reported dead in Kuwait at 0700 on December 16th, 2004. On the behalf of the Secretary of Defense, I extend to you and your family my deepest sympathy in your great loss._


	53. Chapter 53

We found ourselves running in the early morning of December 18th. With the letter that we had received still weighing heavy on our minds, we knew that this kind of running could not be stopped. Girls everything in life happens for a reason. That is something that I have stuck by for the past twenty-odd years. And while we weren't sure why this all was happening, we knew that we had to head straight for the drama instead of run from it for once. That became even more apparent to us as we drove right past the Welcome to Charming sign that greeted us.

"Mommy, where are we?" Aurora had asked me on several occasions during our almost day long drive.

"We are back in mommy and Auntie Brantli's hometown."

"Why?"

"We have to say goodbye to someone, baby," I told her. I was not going to explain to my almost three year old that her uncle had died. She had really grown attached to him when he was on leave and every time he called, he had asked to talk to her even though she could barely speak into the phone.

"Oh."

"It's okay honey. We'll be there soon."

The only people that we had let know that we were coming were Gemma and Piney. It was Piney, actually that had begged us to have the body brought back to California. This is the place that Opie loved the most, despite everything that we had all endured. He didn't want to have to make a huge trip to see his son be laid to rest, plus all of the guys were already here. In the long run it unfortunately made more sense to go back home where it all began.

"Where should we go first? TM or the hotel?"

"Hotel," Brantli told me. "I'm not ready to deal with any of that shit yet."

"We're going to have to sooner or later."

"I'd rather do it later, if that's okay," Brantli said as she looked out of the window. We were staying at one of the little cheap, run down motels right inside of town. We couldn't ask anyone to take us in for a whole week. We would have gotten attached, thought of all of these memories, realized how much we actually missed this place, and stayed.

* * *

After much needed naps, showers, and pushing food around on our plates, we knew we had to face the music and drive to TM. Gemma had been expecting us hours ago and would have been pissed to know that we were staying at a hotel and had already eaten. I got chills driving up to the place. While yes, they were closed that night as the sun was going down but seeing some of the guys outside brought back so many unwanted memories. As we stepped out of my Cavalier, I saw Tig, Bobby, and some other dude sitting outside right away. They noticed us, too and they looked a little confused.

"Sorry, girls. We're closed for the night."

Did we really change that much? I mean, sure I had a really short blonde bob-cut hairstyle now and my face was a lot softer and makeup was caked on it. Brantli though had gone brunette and wore her hair down in a mess of curls. I couldn't see why they wouldn't be able to recognize us.

"Tig you better cut that shit out right now," I said, as we made our way over to them.

"Well I'll be damned," he said as he stood up to hug us. His cigarette hung out of his mouth and he quickly put it out when he saw the little girl in my arms. "Aubrey Teller and Brantli Atkins."

"Winston. Brantli Winston," she corrected him.

"It's sure good to see you guys," Bobby replied as we began to hug him.

"This place hasn't changed much," I said, as I placed Aurora on the ground. The same picnic table still sat outside, the same Sons of Anarchy logo was painted on the wall. The same awful colored Teller-Morrow sign illuminated the nighttime sky above us.

"You guys have. Look at you," Tig replied.

"We just grew up a little, that's all," I said, as Aurora held onto my leg and hid behind me.

"Whose this?" I heard Bobby ask me. Now came the hard shit.

"Aurora, honey can you say hi to your uncle Tig and Uncle Bobby please?" I asked her. She didn't move from my leg. I sighed. "This is mine and Jax's daughter, Aurora."

"Well it's nice to meet you," Tig said, as he kneeled to the ground.

"Hi," she softly replied back.

"Everyone's inside if you wanna go say hi," Bobby said.

"Whose the guy next to you?" Brantli asked him, as she lit a cigarette. I knew she was going to be out here for a little while longer, so I made my way inside. When I walked in, it had that familiar scent of cheap whiskey, cheap weed, and cheap girls mixed with the hint of pizza and wings.

"Holy shit," Clay replied as he heard the click-clacking of my heels on the hardwood floor.

"Hi," I replied to them.

"Well hi," Clay said, changing the tone in his voice as he made his way over to me. We embraced in a hug and he picked my daughter up right away. She was a little confused, but when I told her that he was her grandfather, she just clung onto him.

"She's beautiful."

"Looks like her damn dad," I replied, chuckling.

"Yeah she does," Clay laughed, as he made his way back over to the bar.

"Where's Gemma?"

"She had to run into town real quick, she'll be back any minute though. You want a beer?" Piney asked me.

"Sure," I said, shrugging my shoulders. After the past couple of days that I had, I could use a beer. I twisted the top to it open and as soon as the alcohol made it's way down my throat, it felt great. It tasted even better, too.

"How was the flight?"

"We didn't fly, we drove," I replied.

"Is that your daughter?" Piney asked me.

"Yes," I replied back. "That's Ms. Aurora Sara-Beth Teller."

"She's got the Teller nose," he replied. "Where's my daughter in law?"

"Outside with Bobby, Tig and some Puerto-Rican looking guy?"

"Juicey?" Chibs asked.

"Is he new?" I asked.

"Just a prospect, sweetheart," he replied.

"How long are you guys in town for?"

"A couple of days. Just until the service is over," I said, as I took a long sip of my beer.

"Make sure you see your father."

"I know," I laughed. "Where's my brother?"

"Abby had a dance recital at the school or something and he had to go to that. He should be back here soon."

"Good," I replied as I asked for my daughter back. "Honey I think there might be crayons or something lying around."

"Mommy is daddy here?" she asked me sweetly.

"No, honey I'm afraid he's not." It's odd, because as soon as I said that, no one said anything back like I thought they might. Maybe they would have some insight as to why my husband was...you know what, I sounded like a damn broken record. I should just enjoy being around the guys for a little bit.

"Crayons?" she asked me, as her face seemed to get a lot sadder.

"I'll go get them for you," I told her. Clay followed after me, and I thought I might turn around and punch him. He just hugged me. He could tell I was hurting.

"She's beautiful honey. Jax would be so happy."

"Thanks, I hope he will be once he comes home," I replied back. Still nothing. Something was up. And that thought was soon made possible by the screams that were coming from outside. I grabbed my daughter and the guys all got up as we headed out of the door to see the drama unfolding outside.

"What the fuck are you doing driving my husband's truck? Huh?" I heard Brantli ask someone inside of Op's old Ford F-150. She began kicking the sides of it until the driver opened up the door. As he stepped out, she began hitting him on the arm. "That's not yours! It's his! He's going to need it when he comes back!" She continued to hit the truck with her foot some more. "You were supposed to protect him and you let him just die!" She yelled. The driver just let her collapse into his arms and begin crying, I saw who it was. I would have recognized the slicked back blonde hair anywhere. And I couldn't believe it when I saw it. I had to pinch myself a couple of times.

"What is going on?" I asked her.

"Aubrey will you tell your fucking husband to get the hell away from Opie's truck?!" she begged through the tears. "It's not his."

"Brantli," I replied back.

"Daddy!" I heard Aurora yell as soon as she picked up on what was going on. Gemma soon joined me, and placed her manicured hand on my shoulder. I couldn't even stop her. I just let her run for him. As he approached us, he picked her up in his arms and gave her a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. I had always pictured just what I wanted to tell Jax when I saw him. I was fighting the urge to kiss him so bad in that very moment. He had let his facial hair grow back along with his regular hair, too. He wore a Sons kutte and proudly displayed over his heart was a "Vice President" patch.

"Hi Teller," he told me, as we were standing inches apart.

"Jackson," I told him, giving him a hug and a slight kiss on the cheek.

"We need to talk," he told me.

"I have nothing to say to you," I told him back, still keeping the smile on my face. He had glanced down at my hand, only to notice that my wedding band: the one that I once wore with such great pride, was gone.

"Aubrey Nevaeh," he said.

"Jackson Nathaniel," I said back.

"Come on, let's go inside and talk."

"I don't want to talk to you." I said.

"Well we need to, and it's not an option."

He kept Aurora in his arms as he made his way back inside.

"Hi," Gemma said, as Brantli made her way over to us. She hugged her first, and then me. "You gonna go inside and talk to your husband now?"

"Oh boy, did I miss this place," I replied.

Ah. It was good to be back.

* * *

As I made my way inside of the clubhouse, I noticed that Clay had set Aurora up at the table with crayons and a random coloring book. I gave her a kiss on her forehead, and made my way into one of the back bedrooms. As I walked in, it's as if nothing had changed. Jax was sitting on the bed, and he got up as soon as I shut the door. No one needed to hear our problems and learn how fucked up everything was. He grabbed me by the belt loops of my black dress pants and pulled me closer to him as we embraced in a kiss. That's not how I wanted this to go at all but damn, did it feel good to have his lips on mine once again. I pulled away once I felt things were getting a little too intense.

"When did you get here?" he asked me.

"Today," I replied.

"You didn't call?"

"I had no idea that you were home," I replied.

"I wrote you to tell you that I got discharged."

"When did that happen?" I asked him.

"Back in August," he replied. "You didn't get the letter?"

"Jax I didn't get any letters that you wrote me since December of 2001."

"What are you talking about?" he asked me. "You're lying."

"I'm not lying. Every time I tried to write one to you, I would get it back. They never sent."

"That's impossible," he told me. "You guys only lived in Venice."

"Who told you that?" I asked him.

"My mom," he replied. "She told me you guys moved closer to your grandpa."

"Jax, my grandpa passed away last year. I haven't been back to California since we left New York. We moved to North Carolina," I told him.

"Aubrey I swear to god, I wrote you every single day."

"Well there's no letters, so where are they all? You sure you didn't get me confused with another girl?"

"I'm sure," he told me. "I haven't been talking to any other girl."

"You sure about that? Someone has my letters then."

"Babe, I don't know what to tell you," he replied.

"Of course not. You never know what to tell me."

"I didn't want to fight with you," he said. "But it looks like that's the direction you want to go in."

"I don't get it. We've been married for nine years. You don't call, you don't write. I thought something bad happened to you. I thought you died."

"It's complicated, Aubrey! You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," I replied, as I made my way over to him. "Fucking try me."

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant when I left?"

"Don't drag my daughter into this."

"She's not just yours. I have every right to see her, too."

"How's that going to work out for you, Jax? She's coming back to North Carolina with me as soon as this shit is all over with."

"Like hell she is."

"I've raised her for the last two years. She is rightfully mine. The courts will never let you have her as soon as they find out that you are in a motorcycle gang."

"What the hell are you saying, Aubrey? You don't want to be married to me any more?"

"Precisely."

"Aubrey don't fucking do this to me. I told you shit would be different and that you would have to wait for me to come back. We promised each other that when I came back, we would start a family."

"Yeah, away from Charming. Away from all of this stuff. And now look at you! A goddamn hypocrite."

"You want a divorce? Not a fucking problem! But I want partial custody."

"That's not fair, Jackson you can't do that to me."

"You were the one that didn't tell me."

"When would you gave liked me to? When 9/11 was going on? When you were getting ready to go off to war?"

"I laid in that bed with you and told you that I wished you were pregnant. You damn sure could have told me then. I wouldn't have been shipped off at all!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know that? As soon as I brought up kids around you, you cringed!"

"You're such a dumb bitch! If divorce is what you want then that's fine. Your wish is granted. But I know that the judge is going to make you move here."

"You fucked up, Jax and you won't admit to it."

"I know I fucked up, but so did you!" he yelled. "I'm done with you! I wrote you every single fucking day of my entire tours. If you don't want to believe me, then that's fine."

"You were the one that never called me!" I yelled, as I hit him on his arm. It wasn't playful.

"Aubrey."

"Stop! Stop Jax. I'm so sorry that I ever fell in love with you."

"Same here, Aubrey. I am so sorry that I ever fell in love with you."

"You don't mean that."

"I do," he replied. "I mean that in every way possible."

"You know, when we were younger you said you never wanted to be like your father. But you're just like him."

As I stormed out of the room and grabbed my daughter, I said goodbye to the guys and told Brantli to come with me. When she refused, one of the guys said that she would be back to ger her. The conversation with Jax could have went so much better. I didn't really want to divorce him. But if that's what was best for us to do, then so be it. Because right now, all that mattered was me and my daughter. And that's the way that it should be. And if Jax thinks that he is going to step in and ruin everything that I have worked so hard to try and prevent then let him. He has another thing coming though, that's for sure.


	54. Chapter 54

Waking up in Charming that morning was almost like waking up from a never ending bad dream. The sunlight was shining in through the windows and for one of the first times ever, Jax and I were in the same state and not in each other's arms. As I rolled over, his normal spot was taken up by my daughter who slept soundly. Her thumb was in her mouth and she had her teddy bear next to her as she snuggled under the covers. I'm surprised that she was up before me. That's normally never how it happens, especially on the weekends.

I made my way over to the small kitchen counter to start the coffee. I still felt bad about everything that happened between Jax and I yesterday. I wanted so bad to make it better. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to. I don't know how to fix this, but it needed done quickly. I got dressed in a pair of jeans and my NYU hoodie, threw my hair up, and scribbled a note on the hotel stationary. I had to go find him. I had to go apologize. I needed to go see what he was up to. I needed answers. And I knew that I wasn't going to find them in this hotel room.

* * *

As I drove to TM and passed all of the landmarks that once meant something to me, I couldn't help but think back to all of the good years that we spent together. It's as if life went on without the both of us, and now we needed to do some major catching up.

"Hey, Aub's," my brother was the first person that I saw at TM that morning as I made my way out of the vehicle. He greeted me with a long hug and kiss on the cheek and I joined him at the picnic table. "How are you?"

"Exhausted," I said, yawning through my words. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Neither did I. Tomorrow is going to suck so bad."

"I still can't believe it, you know? I can't believe that he's gone. We just saw him a couple of months ago."

"I know what you mean. He was just getting ready to come home, too and then that had to happen. I feel awful for Brantli."

"I know, me too. I mean, at least I have Aurora if something were to ever happen to Jax. Brantli has nothing but pictures and memories. I don't know how she's doing it, you know?" I lit a cigarette. "They tried for so long to get pregnant. She just can't have children, I guess. That's what the doctor told her."

"Shit," Braison said, exhaling the smoke from his mouth.

"Anyway," I started, as I stood up. "Is Jax in there?"

"Yep," he replied. "You can go on. You know, there was once a time where you never had to ask. You just barged in anyway."

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, as I gave him a kiss on the forehead. The rec room of the clubhouse was completely empty. I figured that Jax might have been in one of the back bedrooms, and when I made my way in, that question was answered for me.

"Morning," I told him coldly.

"Morning," he replied back in the same tone, as he put his cigarette out. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if you had any time to do those collages for Opie that Gemma was talking about yesterday."

"Yeah, I've got some time later on in the evening."

"Great," I replied.

"You came all this way to ask me that?"

"I wanted to see if you wanted to talk, calmly. We have a lot to catch up on."

"I can't even think about food right now. We were up pretty late."

"Well I haven't had T's in years and I am dying for some biscuits and gravy and hot chocolate,"

I smiled.

He smiled back at me. "Well, they do have the best cure for a hangover."

The diner hadn't changed at all as we made our way in there. Loretta made her way over to our table immediately, smiling ear to ear.

"Well look whose back," she told me as I got up to give her a hug.

"It's so good to see you," I told her.

"You too, honey. My favorite couple, back together again. Just like old times."

"Yeah," Jax replied, as he smiled at her.

"What have you been up to, Aubrey?"

"Oh, not a whole lot. I work for a non-profit out in North Carolina. Thinking about coming back here now that Jax is home. We have a daughter, too."

"Congratulations," she replied back to us.

"Aurora, she's two."

"Wow, well I'm very happy for you both. You want coffees? Hot chocolates?"

"Hot chocolate," I replied.

"You're looking a little rough there, Jax. Coffee?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied as she made her way to the back room of the restaurant to grab our drinks.

"Probably should have went with coffee," I said, as I sunk back into the booth and crossed my right leg over my left.

"Not enough sleep last night?"

"Not enough sleep for the past two years," I chuckled.

"What's she like?" he asked me, as he removed his navy blue trucker hat from his head.

"She's amazing. She's got a little bit of me and a whole lot of you mixed in with her."

"Is she smart?"

"Extremely. She can talk in full sentences almost. She knows her colors, her numbers. She's very smart, Jackson."

"What else does she like to do?"

"She loves it when I read to her. When we sing silly songs that will come on the radio. She loves to play with Diesel whose not so little anymore. She helps me cook, she helps me clean to the best of her ability. She's an awesome kid."

"I am...so, so sorry for the miscommunication between us, Aubrey. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did," I replied. "I didn't bring you hear to talk about any of that. I think that it might be best if we take a little break from one-another. Depending on how this week goes, I'll consider moving back here. I think it'll be good for Aurora to grow up with two parents instead of one."

"I agree completely."

"For the sake of our daughter, we are going to have to learn to coexist in each other's lives right now. And who knows? Maybe one day, we will find our way back into each other's arms. You live your life with the club and I'll live my life. We can do an every other weekend thing where she goes to your house on a Friday and comes back to me on a Sunday and then we switch off."

"Do you want a divorce? Do you really hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you, Jackson. But I can tell in your eyes that you've changed. That you're a different man than the one I once married. I think that we should see how the break goes. We might learn to love each other once again," I replied as Loretta set down our food and drinks in front of us.

"I don't hate you either, Aubrey. But I'm going to prove to you that I am still the same man that you once married."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be a part of my daughter's life. I want to show you that I can be a responsible parent and adult at the same time. Because I love you. I will always love you. But if you want to take a break then I can respect that. And I guess I will have to find a way to win you back."

"It's not that simple, Jax," I said, as I stuck a huge bite of food in my mouth. "I just wish I would have told you sooner that I was pregnant. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. But that little girl is not one."

"You giving me like a time limit or something?"

"No," I replied, laughing. "I don't know how to explain it. I love you. But I'm not in love with you anymore. And I have to try to fall back in love with you. And it's not even because we have a child together. It's because I can't see myself with anyone but you."

"Ditto, Aubrey. Everything that you just said is exactly how I am feeling."

"So how do you teach two people that love each other more than life itself and care about each other and have been in love for the past eighteen years to fall back in love with each other once again?"

"I guess...I guess only time will tell."

I saw two familiar faces make their way in through the doors of the diner. Aurora came rushing to me out of Brantli's arms as she made her way over to us. Jax dropped his fork and picked her up and sat her on his lap.

"Hi mommy, hi daddy."

"Hi princess," I told her. "You hungry baby? Do you want pancakes?"

"And brown milk," she said, smiling at her dad.

"Brantli, you hungry?" Jax asked her.

"Not at all. I can't even think about food right now."

"You have a lot of stuff you need to get done today?" he asked, as Aurora began playing with the creamers and sugar packets at the end of the table.

"So much. We have to go get the flowers, we have to decorate the club house. Make the collages pick out the music...I don't have the energy to do any of it."

"That's okay. I'll be here to help you," I replied.

"If you girls have a lot of stuff going on today, why don't I take Aurora?"

"Jax, don't you have a lot of stuff going on, too?"

"Nah, it's okay. I don't mind it. I would love to take her off of your hands for the day. Would you wanna spend the entire day with daddy and grandpa and your uncles?"

She nodded her head. "Yes!"

"Okay baby," I told her as Loretta came over to the table with a plate and a cup of chocolate milk in her hands.

"I saw you guys come in and figured she might be hungry. Brantli, it's good to see you," Loretta replied. "I am so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Loretta," Brantli said as she stood up to give her a hug.

"Oh thank you!" Aurora said as she looked down at the Mickey Mouse pancake in front of her. He had two little chocolate chip eyes and a whipped cream smile.

"You're welcome sweetie."

"This is Aurora. Aurora, can you say hi to Ms. Loretta?" I asked her.

"Hi," she replied as she stuck her finger in the gob of whipped cream. I motioned towards her plate to grab it, but Jax put his hand in front of mine.

"I've got it. I can cut it for her," he smiled. I couldn't help but smile back as I saw the two interact. God, he was doing so great with her.

"We should get going," Brantli said, clearing her throat.

I handed Jax a $20 to cover mine and Auroras part of the check. He shooed it away. "I've got it. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," I said, a little shocked. I kissed Aurora on her forehead as she stuck a piece of the pancake into her mouth. "Be good for daddy, okay?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "I love you mamma,"

"I love you too, Princess. Jackson if you need anything call me, okay?"

"We'll be fine," he laughed.

As we made our way out of the diner, I couldn't help but look at Brantli who was now crying in the passenger's seat. "You okay?"

"No, Aubrey. I'm not okay. I want to go back to North Carolina so bad."

"We will, I promise."

"Yeah, you will to grab all of your stuff. I can tell by that look in your eyes that you're going to move back here. Did you see how he was with her? He's a great dad. How could you deprive him of that?"

"Why don't you move back, too? I think it will be good for you to surround yourself with family."

She didn't say a word as I put the car in reverse and then drive, and made our way out of the parking lot of T's. I turned the radio on, thinking that it might help her out a little bit but on every channel, the songs just seemed to be sadder. I found the local country station and turned the volume up a little bit as we made our way to the floral shop. As the opening chords to "Letters from Home" by John Michael Montgomery blared through the speakers, she turned it off immediately.

"I love that song. Why did you do that?"

"Because. You have someone that came home to you. I don't."

"It's not about that though. It's a happy song."

"Would you just think about someone other than yourself for a minute, please?! Goddamn, Aubrey you're so conceited!"

"Brantli, I'm sorry."

"You have been boohooing for the past two fucking years about Jax not writing you. And in there you guys seemed like a family. You have this picture perfect life and you want to throw it away over some fucking letters that he didn't send to you! At least he came home. Opie didn't fucking come home to me! He came home in a goddamn casket. I don't have anything to remember him by! We didn't get to start our lives together." she just broke down as soon as we made our way into the floral shop's parking lot. "I'm not ready to do this."

"It's okay. I'll be right here with you."

"I'm sorry that I am so snappy. But you need to take a step back and just think before you decide to separate yourself from that man that loves you, okay? Best friend to best friend. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you."

I nodded my head. "You ready?"

"I guess so."

The weirdest part of someone dying is not the actual fact that they have passed. That's a huge factor of it. But it doesn't really hit you until you do the silly little things, especially being asked what flowers you would like to be put out during the service of your husband. When you can't think of anything else to say, you just break down. Brantli has always been the strong one out of us. The hard-headed one. But for her to be asked those words and see her break down in the floral shop nearly tore my heart apart.

* * *

When our busy day was finally coming to a close, we had put off doing the cd and the collages last. We didn't involve any of the guys or Gemma in the process of it. I just wanted it to be the three of us. Jax had bought my old house from my parents, and walking in was like this crippling feeling. Gone were our family pictures that hung above the fireplace and mantle. They were replaced with our wedding picture, and a couple other pictures of us through the years. There was a leather sectional that took up almost the entire section of the living room. He had kept the kitchen pretty much the same and just replaced some of the appliances. I was dying to see what he had done with the rest of the house. I almost felt like a character from a movie and that somehow, someway, Jax had bought my parent's old house to prove that I was still always on his mind.

"Jackson? Aurora?" I asked, as we sat our supplies down on the table.

"In here!" he yelled, as I made my way to the back bedroom that was once Braison's. He had painted the walls a pink color, and put a little twin sized bed and rocking chair in the room, too. What was I thinking, going on this break from him? No, I couldn't let my mind get the best of me. I couldn't let him see that I would give in that fast and come running back to his arms.

"What're you guys doing?" I asked.

"Just reading," he replied, as he looked up at me. "But I think she fell asleep awhile ago."

"How long have you been like that?" I asked him. She was sleeping soundly on his chest, wrapped in a cheetah-printed blanket.

"Not long. I think she fell asleep about a half an hour ago."

"We're getting ready to make the collages if you'd like to join us," I replied. He nodded his head and picked her up, and tucked her under her covers for the night. "She tire you out?"

"Oh yeah," he replied. "I don't know how you do it."

"She's a handful," I chuckled. "But she's my handful. You guys have a good day?"

"We did, yeah. I took her down to see the lights and stuff. And we went to the mall to go see Santa."

"Jax," with everything going on, I completely forgot that Christmas was just around the corner. He shut the light off and grabbed me by my waist as we made our way into the kitchen. Brantli had opened up a bottle of wine and grabbed some glasses from the top cabinet.

"You can't take people's alcohol without asking," he laughed, trying to lighten the mood in the room.

"Don't give me any shit, Teller. I've had a long day."

I sighed, as we took two seats at the kitchen table. Jax grabbed a huge stack of photo albums and boxes as he joined us, resting his hand on my knee. I shifted in my seat and he took it off immediately. We began digging through the boxes. There were so many pictures, I didn't even know where to start. We had only grabbed two poster boards and figured we would scatter the pictures throughout both. At the top of the first one, I wrote "Opie: loving husband, brother and son" in Sharpie marker. We left the second one blank to fill it up with pictures. I wondered if they would hang it up in the clubhouse next to the framed one of my brother and JT.

"Look how young we were there," I said, as I held up a picture of me, Jax, and Opie in our infamous tree house. Although Jax had kicked me out our first summer that the guys had built it, they eventually let me in.

"Holy hell," Jax replied, as he grabbed the Polaroid and started laughing. "Check out your hair!" he said.

"The 80s were a tough time for all of us," I said, as I looked down at my teased hair. I told my mom that I wanted it done just like Madonna's, and she helped me learn how to do it just like hers. As we continued going through the boxes and laughing about old times, the hardest ones were yet to come. Those were the years that included Brantli. The first one that we pulled out was one taken in the gondola in Venice, followed by one from us on our trip covered in mud. As we continued to laugh and take bigger sips of wine, I heard Aurora get up. She was just like me. She could never stay asleep when there were people up having a good time.

"Honey," Jax said, as he looked over to her in her little pajamas. He had put her footie Blues Clues ones on, and tied her thin blonde hair up in a waterfall. "What are you doing up?"

She didn't say anything as she walked over to me, and I picked her up and put her on my lap. "What are you guys doen?"

"We are going through pictures, sweet girl. You wanna help?" Brantli asked her.

She nodded her head and began grabbing all of the pictures that we put to the side out of their pile.

"Where is Uncle Opie?" she asked me, barely able to form the sentence. My god I didn't even know what to tell her.

"Well, baby. You see, Unlce Opie went to this beautiful place called heaven," Jax started. I was so glad that he did.

"Heaven?"

"It's this beautiful garden in the sky, baby. You go there and you see all of your loved ones that are waiting for you by these white pearly gates. You get to see all these pretty flowers and all of the people that are up there that have loved you and watched over you the past couple of years."

"We go too?" she asked.

I nodded my head. "One day we will baby. But not right now. You have to be invited there."

"Oh," she replied, as she kept looking through the pictures.

"That's him and your mommy on mine and dad's wedding day," I told her, looking down at the picture. It was taken right after the ceremony. We were still in our wedding attire. Then, she pulled out one of all of us taken in Nashville. Then Myrtle Beach. We were silent as we began sticking the pictures on the board.

Aurora finally decided to break the silence though and what she said broke all of our hearts. "So, Uncle Opie was a superhero like daddy, right?"

I nodded my head. Through the newly formed lump in my throat, I smiled at her. "Yes, he was."

"He fought crime with me, baby. We were a team. And you know what? He was an even better superhero than daddy. That's why he was invited up to heaven and I wasn't."

The last pictures that we put on the board were the hardest: it was one of me, Opie, Brantli and Aurora when he came home from leave. Then, it was one of all of us in front of the courthouse on their wedding day, dressed in jeans and nice white tops. Then, it was the one of all of us at prom. It had felt like a lifetime ago, but somehow we all managed to smile as we put it on the board. I will always remember that night and the lifetime of these memories that I had with my best guy friend. And I will never forget any of it.

* * *

Despite all of the military funerals that I had been to in the past couple of years, none was more tough than the one honoring Opie Winston. The sky was dark and it was pouring rain that just made the day harder. They had set up a tent at the cemetery to conduct the ceremony under. It was lead by their commander from the unit as well as a couple of more Army officers. They had said a few words and a prayer, followed by a gun salute a couple of feet away. As i clinched onto Jax's hand and Aurora at the same time, she had began crying because of the noise. When I told her that it was a good thing, she stopped and began playing with the lace at the bottom of her little black dress. When everything was said and done, and Taps was played overhead and we were asked to have a moment of silence, one of the officers came over to Brantli with a folded up flag. She was a wreck, clinging onto Piney the entire time.

"On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

She grabbed onto the flag and held it to her chest, and then they handed her a medal in a container. It was a Purple Heart award, which is one of the highest military honors that you could receive. He was awarded it for the noble service that he did in saving his unit multiple times from roadside bombings and other combat shootings.

* * *

When the funeral ended, we all made our way back to the clubhouse. Because it wasn't a normal service, we decided to do our own. It was just the immediate members of the club since Opie wasn't officially a member. Gemma had cooked Opie's favorite meal: her homemade spaghetti, and we all had beers opened. Aurora had taken a liking to her cousins Abby and Paisley and began running around the clubhouse with them playing some sort of game. It reminded me a lot of how Opie, Jax, and I used to run around when a lockdown or club party was happening. We played Army themed songs as well as feel-good songs over the stereo. When it was time to say a couple of words, Piney was actually the one to lead everything instead of Clay.

"Thank you, everyone for coming here tonight. Seeing all of us in the same room getting along was something that Opie would have loved. I know he is looking down on all of us, smiling and reminiscing back on the times that he was in the same place as him. When my son told me that he was joining the Army, I was touched. You never want a child to follow in your footsteps, but somehow you know that that's what they wanted to do, and you can't stop them. And then 9/11 happened and you were scared shitless that something like this might happen. And well, it did. My son went out a hero, and that is always how he will be remembered. I recall asking him if he was scared of going to war once everything happened. He just told me that someone had to do it. Someone had to protect us and give us our freedom. I will miss you forever, son. I know that you have left a life and legacy that we all are proud of. May you rest in peace."

Clay had got up and said a prayer, followed by the introduction of Brantli, who I knew wasn't going to go up and say her eulogy. She just couldn't, and I had understood completley. I remember how hard it was for me to say Colton's, but as I made my way up there, she told me that she would just do it. So, up she went with tears in her eyes and still in her black dress and heels.

"Hey guys. I can't tell you how honored I am to have all of you here with me tonight as we remember the life and love of my husband. Opie Winston. God there are so many things that I can say about him. I can stand here and tell you how stubborn he was, how much of a pain in the ass he was, and how much he didn't want to marry me. He finally did though, and I can stand up here and tell you how much I loved him, cared for him, and how much it pains me that I will never know how good of a husband he truly could be. A lot of people have told me in the last couple of days how sorry they were for my loss. I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that he couldn't come back here and be with all of us tonight, even though he wanted to. Let's face it. For a better lack of terms, he was an American hero. He was my hero. Opie knew how to say something and it would just melt my heart and make me laugh hysterically. Opie was the greatest man that I had ever known, even if it did take him four years to finally marry me. There are so many good memories that I can tell you about him, but I'll tell you about our first date. He took me to T's, and when I walked in he was already at the table and had a huge bouquet of roses in his hand. He told me that he didn't know if I liked roses or not, but I was just surprised that this badass guy had thought to buy me flowers. I thought it was so sweet. We stayed there until they kicked us out, and when that wasn't enough, we went back to my place and talked some more. Although Opie and I fought a lot over the silliest things, we had gotten a lot better in our relationship through the years. I will always remember that stupid grin that he gave me when he knew he was right and how he still to this day hated that I kissed the floor of Sun Records up in Memphis or that I didn't pursue my dream of being on Broadway. He hated a lot of things about me, but that's okay because everything that he hated in me I loved about him. He hated how I snored, but I loved that he would snore so loud because when I woke up, I knew I was safe in his arms. He hated how I always had to tell him that I loved him, no matter if I was just running up to the grocery store or going on a walk. But I loved it when he would tell me that he loved me because when he said it, he actually meant it. He wasn't just saying it to say it. He hated that I loved Bruce Springsteen, but I loved how he would sing along with me and somehow knew every word to every song off of his Born to Run album. Being an Army Wife is no joke. Especially when it comes time to say goodbye to the one that you love. And I do. I will always love you, Opie. No one will ever take your place for as long as I live. I vowed to love you until death did us part when we got married. I just never thought that it was no joke. I didn't think that tying that stupid yellow ribbon around the tree to symbolize you coming home would actually mean that you were coming home to go up to heaven. And it sucks because I wasn't invited with you. If you all would stand and join me in prayer, please," Brantli replied as we all stood up from our folding chairs. "This is called the Army Wife's Prayer. Dear Lord,Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know, when duty calls him he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he's away. And Lord, when he's in a foreign land, keep him safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. We love you Opie, and any time you need any of us, we are only an invitation away. Stay safe up there, and I will try to stay safe down here without you at my side. I love you, you stubborn asshole. We should all try to be a little more like Opie. Stubborn, of course but with good intentions through and through. Let's face it. The world could use a little more Opie Winston in all of us, right?"

* * *

Opie, I never did get to thank you for being such an amazing friend these past eighteen years. You weren't even a friend: you were more like a brother to me. From playing cops and robbers behind Gemma's house to getting drunk on the beach, you watched me grow into the woman that I am today. I will miss you so much, Opie. I know that you will be looking down on me, trying to guide me right from wrong as I continue on with life, marriage, and motherhood. Thank you not only for being a best friend, but in mine and my daughter's eyes, a superhero. And a better one than her father for that. I'm glad you accepted the invitation and fought crime to the best of your ability. I know that everything happens for a reason and while I am not thanking you for dying by any means, I am thanking you for keeping my husband safe so that he has a chance to see his daughter grow up. We will meet again, Opie. And until then, wear your cape proudly. I love you, brother. Thank you for everything. I guess we could all use a little bit of Opie Winston in ourselves, huh?

* * *

**A/N: I know that that's been a lot of sad chapters, and for that I am so sorry! This was the last sad chapter that I want to write for awhile. I know a lot of you have been asking about the letters and that will all be explained a lot later. You guys are the best and your support through my writers block has been amazing. Thank you for all of the reviews. Please let me know if there is something that you want to happen as far as things with Aurora and Jax go, especially. Hope to have another chapter up soon! Thank you guys again for the continued support. Xoxo**


	55. Chapter 55

When Christmastime finally crept around Northern California, I don't think any of us were quite prepared for it. The days had all blended together since Opie's funeral and just seemed to drag on.

On the day before Christmas Eve, Gemma had invited Aurora and I over to her house to help bake. She was over the moon excited that we were going to be here to spend the holidays with them. It was the first Christmas with my husband's family in what felt like forever, and an invitation to do something with Gemma Teller should never be taken lightly.

"Hi baby," she greeted us as she stood on the front porch. Aurora ran into her arms like second nature, and she picked her up and covered her in little kisses.

"Hi gramma," she laughed back.

"Are we ready to go make cookies?" she asked her. It was weird. Although Gemma had made cookies every year, no one really took her as a housewife. I knew she was just doing it to keep a tradition alive when Jax and I were younger and now, I guess she had someone to help her. I'm just glad it wasn't me. I had done my duty. It was now my daughter's turn.

As we made our way inside, the house looked just as it always had. The same ugly colored carpeting in the living room, same long wooden table that we had shared many of family dinners at, the same ugly colored walls in the kitchen. It felt like I was walking right into my childhood.

Gemma had given her a small pink apron to put on over her clothes and began pulling cookie packages out of the fridge.

"No homemade this year?" I asked her.

"I didn't think I would be baking. But now that she's here, I wanted to make sure that she could make some."

"I see," I replied back as I took a seat at the table. Gemma had taught her how to pull the cookies off of the plastic bottom and set them on the cookie sheet so many inches apart.

"Do you remember the last year you guys ever baked with me?" she asked.

I reminisced back on the disastrous batch of cookies that we made that year and how we covered the kitchen and ourselves in flour. "Oh yeah," I replied, laughing.

"You guys used to look forward to this, you know."

"There's a lot of things that I used to look forward to."

"Are you moving back?" she asked me as Aurora kept putting the snowman sugar cookies on the sheet.

"I don't know yet. I've been thinking a lot about it."

"I think it's a good idea. Be with family, baby. So that you can have all of these traditions and I can hand them down to you."

"Gemma," I replied.

"I know, I know. It's none of my business but it should be. It's concerning my son so it should be my business."

"I mean, yes and no," I replied as I got up and made my way to the fridge to fill up Aurora's empty sippy cup. "Yes, it is your business because I'm married to your son. So I'm your daughter in law. And Aurora is your granddaughter and I know how much family means to you. And you want to watch her grow up, too. You've already missed out on two years of her life. I would hate for you to miss out on more. But no, because it is my life. And if my husband tells me that he doesn't want us to live here and her be around this family, then that's something that I have to respect, too."

"That's back when he promised you things right?" Gemma scoffed. "That's back when you guys were married and not thinking about getting a divorce."

"Gemma we still are married. I told him that it might be good to go on a break."

"Is two years not a long enough break for you?"

"It is! I didn't want to take a break in the first place! He went off to fight and left me here to fend for myself! And you know what, I've done a damn good job. I put myself through school, I had my baby, and I made something of myself."

"Your husband is a hero. He got honorably discharged because he got shot. He was in the hospital in a coma for three weeks! When he woke up he didn't know where he was. He didn't know who he was. You think the fact of him losing his best friend a couple of months later made it any easier for him? He joined Sons to get the sense of brotherhood back because that's one of the things that he missed about the Army! That's why his dad started it all in the first place. He loves you, and he never stopped. You wouldn't have a damn degree or a daughter if he didn't love you. His job put you through school. He gave you a daughter for God's sake! Life is not roses and sunshine honey. And you know that. So forgive him for wanting you to move here for him."

"Gemma, I have done that my entire life! Everything that I have done, I did for Jax Teller."

"That is a lie and you know it. You were the one that told him you wanted to move to New York. He was going to stay in California for you to go to Berkley. You made yourself hate that place so that you could be with Brantli and Opie and not go through it alone. What about us? We have been here with you through it all. Colton's death. Your wedding. Your mother's death. You don't think we wanted you to stay? To be a part of this?! You don't think I wanted you to take over the duty of making Sunday dinners and hosting all of the parties. Clay can only do it for so much longer. Jax was not getting out that easy. Whether he would have came back to California or went off to find you in Carolina, he would have had to come back. That's the thing about Sons. Once you are in, you are in and if you try to run you are going to have to answer to them."

"Gemma, I love you. You have been like a mother to me for so long. But I don't want her to grow up knowing that Charming is all that there is! I could never see myself living anywhere but here. But I went out and traveled. I enjoyed the world."

"I think you've done enough of that. I think it's time for you to come home and tend to your family. Do not make my son lose you."

"Where are the letters that he sent? Huh? I know you know about them. You and Clay probably came up with a little plan to do all of this. You want me to be so much like you..."

"You will never be like me. You could never. You don't have the strength or the willpower to be like me, sweetheart."

Before things could start getting any more out of hand, I heard a motorcycle pull into the driveway. I knew it was Jax's. It had to be Jax's. But I was wrong, of course. It was Clays.

"Grammpa!" I heard Aurora yell as she put the last of the peanut butter cookies on the sheet.

"Hi honey!" he yelled back to her. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and Gemma a sweet kiss on the lips.

"You making me cookies?"

"No, grampa they're for Santa."

"Santa, huh? What does he have that I don't?"

"Presents," I laughed back. Gemma laughed, too.

"Good to see you, Aubrey."

"Likewise, Clay."

"Do you have a second? I'd really like to talk to you."

I shrugged my shoulders and followed him into the living room. To be honest, a lot of people are scared of Clay. They don't really know how to take what he tells you and he comes off as mean. Sure, we had some tension in the air but I'm sure it was nothing major.

"I'm sending the prospects down to get your stuff from Carolina so I'm going to need a copy of your house key made."

"Clay, I haven't decided if I'm moving..."

"It's not an option, Aubrey. Your husband will never follow you back. And do you really want to live without him?"

I breathed heavily. "No."

"You have no choice, Aubrey. You will stay here. You, Brantli, and Aurora. I put a down payment on an apartment for you guys, too. I know you and Jax are going through some shit right now."

"Clay."

"It's final. You couldn't escape this place if you tried to. And believe me, if you try to there will be consequences."

"Clay. I'm a big girl. I can make decisions on my own."

"I'm well aware of that. But this decision isn't up to. It's a club matter."

"You voted in church about us?"

"About who was going down to get your stuff, yes. Look, you will not deprive my son of his daughter. Do I make myself clear with you when I say that?"

"Yes," I replied back, making sure to look right into his eyes. "Crystal."

"Good. Juice and Happy are leaving in a couple of hours so just hand me the key to your house now and we will be good."

I did as I was told and handed him the key. My mind was really made up for me in that moment. I couldn't deprive my husband of his daughter, sure. But I sure as hell could deprive him of a wife. And hearing those words come out of Clay's mouth only justified that more.

* * *

By the time the cookies were all made, Jax had decided to make his way over. When Aurora woke up from her nap, she was so delighted to see her father. I'll have to say, I was too.

"I'm making dinner for you guys tonight," he said.

"Okay," I had replied back, after tossing the idea of going to see Brantli around in my head.

We had walked arm and arm down the street together to my childhood home next door. The entire outside was lit up with spectacular Christmas lights, and it did not look this way a day ago. I knew he had done this for not only his daughter, but for me as well.

"It looks beautiful, Jax."

"Just like you," he smiled back at me. My heart melted. I could feel my brain turn to mush as we made our way inside of the house. He had soft music playing and the fire was going. He was trying to romance me. Smooth move, Teller. The entire inside was decorated, too. There were strands of garland and twinkling lights everywhere. The faint hint of apple cinnamon was in the air, too. He knew that was my favorite scent. It always made everything feel like Christmas even when it didn't feel like it.

"Whoa," I said, as I made my way into the kitchen. A big strand of white Christmas lights was handing from the cabinets, and the lights were dim. He had a candle in the middle of the table, and three places set. A salad and a basket of bread sat in the middle by the candle, along with a bottle of blackberry brandy. "This is your idea of dinner?"

"Come on, silly. It is our anniversary," he laughed. And he was right. December 23rd. The day that Jax had asked me to be his girlfriend almost twelve years ago.

"How did you remember?"

"You think I could forget a day like that?" he smiled. He placed our daughter in her booster seat and scooted her chair in so that she could reach the table better. He made steak and crab legs. I knew that Aurora wouldn't eat either of those things, but he knew she wouldn't either for some odd reason. He had a separate pot of mac and cheese going for her.

"When did you find the time to do all of this?" I chuckled.

"I have time, babe. You think I'm out doing outlaw shit all day?" he asked me.

"No," I laughed as he filled up my glass with champagne. I knew the brandy would be for us for later then. He filled up his daughter's sippy cup with chocolate milk.

"To family," he said, as he raised his glass in the air.

"To family," I smiled back as we clung our glasses together.

* * *

After dinner that night, Jax had suggested that we helped him with the tree. It was bare, and after opening up the green container in the middle of the living room, I could feel a smile coming on. It felt so good to smile and laugh and not cry for once. I had spent too much of my life crying.

"I got this for you, princess," he told Aurora as he sunk to her level. "This is Sleeping Beauty. It's the princess that your mommy named you after."

It looked just like my Belle one that I had when I was younger. And it was no surprise when he pulled that one and a Peter Pan one out of the box. He somehow found a "baby's first Christmas" ornament dated from last 2002, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw that and "our first Christmas in our new home: 1997."

"Where did you find these?"

"My mom had them," he laughed. "I bought the Sleeping Beauty one though. I had to have her help still, but I was pretty happy when I found it."

As we continued to put the ornaments on the tree, I noticed that he had a couple more from our childhood; including five "Merry Christmas from Heaven" ones. One for Colton, my mom, his dad, Thomas, and now Opie.

"Do you want to put the star on top of the tree?" he asked her as her eyes were growing heavy. She still managed to nod her head as he picked her up and raised her to the top of the tree so that she could help but the star up there. It was nice and suttle. It felt so good to feel like a family again. I knew that it was only a couple of days until Christmas but somehow this was the best Christmas present that I had gotten all along.

* * *

When we bathed and tucked Aurora into bed, we waited until we knew that she was sound asleep to sit in the living room. Jax had poured us two rock glasses of the brandy, and he rolled a blunt, too. I couldn't even remember the last time I smoked, but when I hit it all of my cares just melted away.

"How's the apartment that Clay got you?" he asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"I haven't seen it yet."

"You know you don't have to move there. We can fit all of your stuff in our room."

Our room. How badly did I want it to be our room.

"You know that's not a good idea," I laughed.

"You know you look weird as a blonde," he chuckled. "We look like the albino Tellers."

"Hey," I replied back, playfully shoving him on the arm. "I wanted a change."

"It doesn't look bad. It just looks weird to see you without your long brunette hair."

"I can dye it back."

"It's not going to change the way I feel about you," he laughed. "Hair color doesn't matter."

"I know," I chuckled. "So, are you happy to be home?"

"You have no idea," he replied, ashing the blunt before handing it me. "It was hell over there."

"I can only imagine."

"Kuwait wasn't as bad as Iraq or Afghanistan."

"Heard you caused a lot of trouble," I chuckled back.

"Oh yeah. Our drill Sargent hated me."

"That's why you didn't get call privileges?"

"Yep. I think I got two in the entire span of me being there."

"Gemma said you used to call her all of the time."

"Gemma is full of shit."

"I'm seeing that now," I replied back.

"Did you really name our daughter after a princess?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Why?" he laughed.

"Because Sarah Beth Teller sounded really weird when I yelled it up the stairs."

"What?" he said, looking at me weird. I could tell he was high. His pupils were dilated and the whites of his eyes were now beat red.

"Brantli and I did this thing where we yelled names up the stairs. The Aurora actually came from her. We just merged it together."

"I think it's pretty. God I can't believe I missed it."

"You didn't miss much."

"Was your pregnancy okay?"

"Yeah, it was fine. A lot of getting sick at first. I gained like 30 pounds or something crazy like that. Went up a couple of cup sizes."

"I can tell," he laughed.

"Are you calling me fat?" I asked him jokingly.

"No, you just have huge boobs now."

Another playful shove on the arm. "I was in labor for 38 hours."

"Holy shit. Why?"

"Well, the contractions were really far apart when I came in. And then my water did not break. She would not come out."

"Stubborn like her mom already."

"I am not stubborn!" I yelled.

"Yes you are, baby. You're beyond stubborn. But I love that about you."

"You're sweet," I replied back.

"What else? What else have I missed?"

"Uhm, well not much. Poopy diapers and lots of bumping heads on the table."

"What were you doing in North Carolina?"

"Working for this non-profit. Like an alcohol rehab center that my mom was in."

"How was it?"

"I really liked it, to be honest. I really want to open up my own."

"That takes time, babe."

"That's okay. I can wait. It's something that I want to do. Like, a grief center or something. I was thinking about going back to school to get my masters in psychology to become a counselor."

"Do it. Don't let anything hold you back."

"Well, I have to get situated back here first. Make sure Brantli is okay."

"I heard she couldn't have kids."

"Yeah, her and Opie tried and tried when he came home for leave."

"I'm sorry about that, too. But I knew that I could get out sooner if I didn't take it. I went to Venice looking for you. When I realized that you weren't there, I came back here. I was patched in, and they told me the VP spot was rightfully mine."

"Well, it is."

"Clay's hands are going. He doesn't have much time left. I will probably be president here within the next five years. Will you be okay with that?"

"Go, do it. Don't let anything hold you back," I smiled.

As we continued to talk about everything that had happened the last couple of years, Jax had really shed light on what happened. We talked about his accident, the Son's, and how we were going to dived up the weekends of who would get Aurora when. As we continued to talk more and the brandy began to flow through our bloodstream, we began laughing. He looked over at me, then at the cassette player that sat in the middle of the entertainment stand. He made his way over there, and as the song came out of the speakers, I knew what it was. "Aubrey Teller. Can I have this dance?"

I sat my glass down on the table as he took my hand in his. It was our song. Our song was playing through the speakers and I was in my husband's arms and our daughter was sleeping in the next room and everything just felt right. The fireplace had gone out hours ago, so the only light on us was that of the Christmas tree. After we twirled around the living room for a little bit, he looked up at me and kissed me.

We wasted no time making our way into the bedroom. He shut and locked the door, making sure that Aurora could not get in. He lifted me up into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his torso as he kissed down my neck. He threw me down on the bed, smiling at me. Even though it was dark, I could see it clearly. He took his shirt off, then mine and began kissing me all over. He started at my lips, then my neck, then down my exposed body. He stuck his hands down my pants and began to tease me as he bit onto my neck.

"Jax," I moaned as he went down on me, taking my jeans and my red lacy thong off. I threw his pants and boxers off, and pretty soon he was on top of me, kissing in-between my thighs.

"Do you want head?" I knew I had to be drunk. He flipped over so that I was on top and he grabbed onto my ass as I took everything in my mouth. "That was a silly question," he said between the moans that were coming out of his mouth. He grabbed onto my ass and began to grip it hard. When I felt my jaw begin to clench up, I did what I knew best. I forced my entire body on top of him, and pinned his shoulders down.

"Fuck me, Aubrey Teller."

"I mean, if you insist."

Although, it wasn't fucking. I wanted it not to mean something but shit, it did. Every kiss, every thrust, every moan meant something. He rolled me over and I laughed, as he began thrusting into me hard. I dug my nails into his back and scratched down, making sure to leave my marks. It was hard, it was rough, and it was some of the best sex that I had ever had with him in my life. Sorry, girls. Maybe skip this page until you're old enough to understand what mind blowing sex can actually do to a woman.

Actually, don't read it until you're 40.

As we finished and we rolled over, out of breath.

"Holy shit," he said, as he wrapped me in his arm.

"I'm not done," I told him. "Make love to me, Jax Teller."

And he did. He wasted not a second more. With each soft kiss, each soft moan, and each softer thrust, we made love under the Charming sky. When we finished that, he wrapped me in his arms again.

"I missed that so much."

"The fucking or the making love?" I laughed. By then, my buzz and high had worn off completely.

"Both," he laughed. "I forgot what that felt like. It's been too damn long."

"And it was okay, right? It's not all weird now that I had a kid?"

"God no. It makes you even more sexy," he said, breathing into my hair. "Why didn't you really want to tell me about her?"

"I was scared that you would run."

"What is there to run from? Family dinners? Soccer games? Dance recitals? I want to be there for it all, baby. I always have."

"Us having sex doesn't change the fact that we still need a break."

"I know, baby. I'm just saying."

We dressed quickly when we heard a faint knock at the door. "Mommy! Daddy! I heard a monster and I had a bad dweam!"

"Why can't she say her R's?!" he laughed as he threw his pants back on.

"I don't know," I said, laughing. I felt horrible that she had heard us. As I opened the door, she had tears coming down her face.

"Baby," I told her, as I picked her up and tossed her in the middle of us. Jax began playing with her hair, and she fell asleep after snuggling up next to him.

"Still not running?" I whispered.

"Not even close." he said, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead and me on the lips.


	56. Chapter 56

That morning when I woke up, I should have been full of regret. I should have been beyond pissed at myself that I slept with Jackson last night. But you know what? As I woke up and turned over and saw his arm around my daughter and them sleeping next to each other, I wasn't. People expect all kinds of things from you and that I should be mad because he didn't write me or call me but you know what? Maybe it was good for us to not have contact with one another, I don't know. Maybe it was good that we were trying to take a break. Maybe that's what we needed all along. Because as I woke up this morning and saw my beautiful daughter and handsome husband sleeping like that, I knew that that was something I had wanted all along.

I tiptoed out of bed, trying my hardest to not wake anyone up. I forgot how bad this floor creaked when you didn't want it to. I made my way past the Christmas tree and began picking up our mess in the living room from last night. When I walked past the huge living room window, I looked outside. It snowed at least six inches and I was instantly regretting the fact that we had to go to church and the infamous SAMCRO Christmas Eve party. Some things never change and I'm glad that those two things didn't. Although I was still pissed at Clay and Gemma for yesterday, I know they meant well. They were just trying to see their son happy. But they had no right to boss me around. I was 25 years old, I didn't need a babysitter or someone right there telling me what to do. It was getting a little old, actually the fact that everyone was so hellbent on treating me like a child.

I started the coffee in the kitchen as soon as I put our empty dishes in the dishwasher. The tile floor felt cold on my feet. I regretted not putting socks on this morning as i rummaged through the fridge to try to find something to cook. Cheese Danish, sausage links, and home fries would have to do. I started the stove and began cracking the eggs into a bowl immediately. I mean, honestly. Who does Gemma Teller think she is? Telling me that I would never be like you. You're right, Gemma. I could and would never be like the queen of SAMCRO. Your whole demeanor and the way that you look at life is fucked up enough. And your husband telling me that if I left I would have to suffer the consequences? What are they going to do, chase after me on their bikes and demand that I stay after? Or would they kill me? I wasn't too scared. I could handle myself.

"Morning, sleepy head," I greeted Jax as he made his way into the kitchen. His eyes were still half shut and he was vigorously rubbing sleep from them. His blonde hair was beyond messed up on his head and it looked similar to a bird's nest. He didn't wear a shirt, so I could see his tattoos visibly. Over his heart he had Aurora's name etched into his skin. His had his unit name and a yellow ribbon on his forearm, along with the Roman numeral wedding date on his other one. On his back though was the Sons of Anarchy insignia. It was huge and it looked like it hurt like a son of a bitch.

"Morning," he said as he walked over to me. He sat the spatula down and kissed my lips. "I see you're cooking."

"I am," I replied as he sat down at the table. "Coffee?"

"I'll just do water for right now. I've got the worst case of cotton mouth," he replied.

"Me too," I chuckled. "So, what's the schedule like for today? Anything awesome planned?"

"Well, you know..." he started, looking into my eyes. "We have to stay true to tradition."

"Unfortunately," I groaned. "You think our daughter will be able to last through church?"

"That's why I haven't woken her up yet." he smiled.

"You're doing a great job with her. She loves you, Jax."

"And I love her, too. She's my entire world Aubrey. And I will do anything to keep her safe."

"Maybe it will be good for us to move up here. Even though I really didn't have a choice."

"What do you mean? Of course you do."

"Not according to Clay."

"Let me tell you something about Clay, babe. He is an asshole. The biggest fucking asshole that I have ever met in my entire life. He acts like he cares about all of us. He really doesn't. He's trying to do things and get as little blood on his hands as possible. Do you know what's happened here the past five years? So much shit that I had to catch up on. And when I found out, I was pissed."

"What do you..."

"It's not important right now. It's bad shit that I don't care too much to talk about. I will tell you though what I do care about right now. I care about you and her. I care about our life together as a family. I want so bad to mend the fences and make everything normal again and I don't know if I'll be able to do that but I'm going to try my hardest to try."

* * *

Getting ready for church was just as much hassle as it was going there. While I was getting ready, Jax tried his hardest to get our daughter dressed. He did a pretty good job, except her dress didn't match her shoes or her stockings. After a couple of tries, he finally got it right and dressed her in a red poofy dress, black stockings and shoes, and put a little red bow in her hair. He dressed in a nice red button up, but I chose a suttle white lace dress and a pair of red heels. Church just seemed to drag on for hours it felt like but when we ended the service with a candle light singing of "Silent Night" we knew the toughest part of the day was yet to come. Every year, we tried to go to the cemetery and leave flowers at the grave. I remember when it was only Thomas that we had to visit. Now, it was him, Colton, JT, my mom, and Opie. No one wanted to go with us, but it didn't stop us from going. As we approached each grave, we tried to tell our daughter a little bit about each person. We told her how Thomas was a great little brother and think about the man that he would've been today. Smart like his brother, sure. Maybe ruthless, too. I could never have seen him being a part of Sons. Maybe a doctor or a surgeon or even a lawyer. But who am I to predict what could have been? JT was next and I let him tell her about how he was an amazing father, his role model, and that he would have loved her to pieces. He would have. He would have been a genuine grandpa and not at all like Clay. He told her about some of the Christmases that they spent together and how there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't miss him. I told her about my mom. How she loved to cook, loved to knit, and would have tried to do all of the wholesome grandma things with her. We told her about Colton and how he would have taken her to concerts and maybe taught here how to play the guitar because he loved playing even though he sucked. When we approached Opie's, all she could do was smile and tell us that he was her favorite superhero and that she loved him so much. I knew he would have been able to teach her all of these things like play sports and how to tell someone how he's really feeling. All five of them were so missed, but around this time especially was a time to be thankful of the years that you spent with them creating memories that could never be replaced.

"Okay, I'm done with all of this sad shit. You guys wanna head back to the house?"

"What about the Christmas Eve party?"

"What about creating new traditions?"

* * *

With that being said we drove off to Jax's home and ordered a pizza. I know it's not the ideal Christmas Eve feast but until you've had Kevin's Pizza Shop down the road, ham and potatoes and green bean casserole do not compare. As we ate, we talked a little bit. Mostly Aurora on things that she wanted Santa to bring her. Brantli had went off to North Carolina with Happy and Juice so she not only brought back Diesel but she also brought back the mounds of unwrapped Christmas presents for my daughter and for Jax and managed to hide them pretty well. Diesel was snuggled up under the tree gnawing on his rawhide bone and Brantli had decided to go to the party after all. I think her being around the guys was good for the evening. I knew she would be safe. And if she needed to go home early to the apartment and cry, she could. I know that she was still heartbroken about losing her husband, but she kept busy. She had been through deaths before and knew that it wasn't good to wallow in everything.

As we finished up dinner and cleaned the kitchen, Jax had promised Aurora that she could open up presents. She was elated and as she sat under the tree, the expression on her face had grown from excited to somber. Poor kid. Jax had kept the tradition well alive by purchasing her a pair of Christmas pajamas. He even bought me the same pair: cheetah printed pants with a matching button up shirt. I handed him a pair of flannel pajama pants and a plain black tshirt. I had been prepared for Christmas since he shipped off to war and kept the presents just in case we ever spent another one together.

"I have one more present. But, you guys need to get changed first. This should help," he explained, handing me a small white envelope. He changed fast and hurried outside. When we opened up the envelope, we saw two fake golden tickets that read "Admit One" on them. What the he'll was he up to now?

When we walked outside in our pajamas and winter gear, I was taken aback just a little bit. His SUV was covered in newly fallen snow, but on the right side back windows it had the words The Polar Express written on them.

"I tried to get a train...turns out you have to have a license to operate one of those," he smiled. "So I thought this would work."

"What is it, daddy?"

"Why, it's the polar express of course!" he laughed. "But, before you get on I have to ask you just one question. Aurora Sara-Beth Teller, do you believe in Santa Claus?"

She nodded her head and clapped her hands together. "Yes!"

"And Aubrey, do you believe in Santa?"

"Of course," I chuckled.

"Well, then we're good. Come on, let's go."

"Where are we going?" I asked him, as we piled inside.

"To the North Pole."

"Jackson,"

"Aubrey will you just play along please. It's really not the North Pole."

The entire way to the destination, we listened to endless Christmas carols and told stories of some of our favorite Christmas memories. Aurora was beginning to get sleepy, even though it was only 7. The sun was just beginning to go down as we pulled up to the sacred SAMCRO hideout: the cabin, up top of the mountains. It had snowed a lot more here than back home, and it made me worry a little bit if we would ever make the trip back down the mountain. On the outside of the cabin, multi-colored lights hung from the top and the yard was decorated with make believe presents, candy canes, and other well-known Christmas figures. A dilapidated "Santa's Workshop" sign hung from the front door, as we made our way into the house. It was decorated in all sorts of blue, green, and red twinkling lights with fake snow on the floor and the smell of vanilla and cinnamon in the air. On the long kitchen table were miscellaneous pieces of wrapping paper, bows, "unfinished" toys, and pretend tools. I couldn't believe how much he had made this place look like "Santa's Workshop."

"Where's Santa?"

"Santa is off delivering presents sweetheart. But he gave me the keys to his workshop because he thought it would be a cool idea to explore. Have you been a good girl this year?" he asked as we made our way over to the entertainment stand. He had purchased a big red book and wrote fake names in there. He had divided it up into the naughty and nice list. "It looks like you have, so Santa will be bringing you everything that you asked for I guess."

"Barbie house?" she smiled.

"Yes. Even your Barbie dream house," I smiled back.

"Mommy's getting coal. Her name is on the naughty list!" he laughed. She laughed, too and I knew that he was only doing it to make a joke out of the entire situation: something that he had always done best.

"Looks like daddy is getting some, too," I replied and playfully shoved his arm.

"So, Miss Aurora. I know you said that you've never seen snow. And that's the main reason that Santa had asked you to come here. He wanted to know if you would like to go sledding. But since he can't be here, he lent Daddy the sleds. Would you want to go?"

She shook her head faster than I had ever seen her do it in her entire life. Jax led us outside and he pulled out two blue plastic sleds and situated her on there so that she had no chance in taking a tumbling fall off of the sled. We went down about fifteen times before we taught her how to make snow angels. Then, I felt something cold hit my face. The two of them were now standing behind the tree and Jax was teaching her how to make snow balls. It was on. We participated in a huge snowball fight, and left Santa a snowman of our own to make sure that he knew we were here. We went inside to get warm and sipped on hot chocolate and made popcorn while "A Christmas Story" played in the background.

"How did you think of all of this?" I asked him as Aurora began drifting off to sleep.

"I told you I wasn't running, Aubrey. I want our daughter to have the best life that she possibly can. I wanted to do something special for her this year."

"Well, I can tell that she had fun. I'm not running either, Jax. I think maybe we shouldn't take a break. Maybe we should just ride this entire thing out and see where it goes."

"Baby, I still think the break is a good idea. Maybe that will help you get Brantli back on her feet. Go to school like you wanted to. Maybe it's time that you focused on you. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

* * *

Back at the house, we had explained to Aurora our neighborhood tradition of leaving a lumineer landing for Santa, made out of candles and holders. It was used as a landing strip to make it easier for him to see your house in the dark. You write everyone's name on them, and Jax had still had the first one from when my mom and my siblings and my dad lived here. And next to it was a new one: one with all of our names on it. How could you be so full of regret from the night before and then have a day like today? We finished it off with helping her write a letter to Santa Claus and left out a plate of cookies and a glass full of milk for him, too. We tucked her in and read "The Night Before Christmas" until the only noise in the house were the faint sounds of her snoring. She had the biggest smile on her face, too. Bigger than any that I had seen in recent years.

"You ever thought you would be up wrapping Christmas presents with me?" I had asked, starting off our conversation for the night.

He smiled and replied, "Yes. Always. I had envisioned Christmas Eves where we were up way too late trying to sneak around the house and get all of this done before morning so that our child would still believe in Santa Claus."

"You didn't have to go through all of this trouble. I know that you wanted to go to the Christmas Eve party this evening."

"Not really. I would have much rather spent time with you guys. We'll see everyone tomorrow. I wanted to be here, sober when she opened up her gifts in the morning. Not half-drunk."

"You're something, Teller. How did I get so lucky?"

He shrugged. "I got pretty lucky, too."

We didn't say much after that except planning out where to put the presents. We scattered most from the chimney to the tree to make it look like a path that was created by old Saint Nick and crumbled up the cookies on the plate. I chugged down the glass of chocolate milk and felt sick soon after.

"Santa has a present for you, too," Jax said. We took our seats on the couch and poured two glasses of wine to help us unwind and fall asleep faster.

"Oh, really?" I laughed.

He handed me a huge box that was wrapped in red, glittery wrapping paper. As I opened it up and looked inside, I saw the thing that I had been so curious about haunt me in my face. They were the letters. There had to be hundreds of them stacked inside of this box.

"Santa, huh?" I asked him, looking up into his blue eyes.

"I found them in storage when I was trying to find a couple of our old Christmas ornaments. I told you I wrote you. But the letters never got to you. And I always wondered why. Why were they never getting sent? And then I read the address on them. They were postmarked to this little house in Venice. When I got there to look for you, I was in my dress blues and some lady answered the door and handed them all to me."

"I don't understand."

"That's okay. I didn't quite understand it either. And then I thought about it. In some of these letters were secrets that I never wanted anyone else to know. Club secrets. Secrets detailing how I thought in some twisted way that Clay had killed my father. And your brother. As soon as I got that hunch and stared writing them to you, the letters stopped getting there. Someone had told Clay that I was writing all of these things to you. I wanted you to know in case I didn't end up making it home. That Clay was the bad guy. He couldn't be trusted."

"Why would Clay want to do that?"

"He doesn't want me to run the club. He doesn't like my style of leadership and how I think we should get out of guns and the hardcore drugs. It's tearing all of us apart. I don't want anyone else coming home in body bags. But he doesn't care. The less guys that he has to worry about, the better."

"So how do we prove his hunch is true?"

"There were some other things found in storage. Love letters. From my father to a woman named Maureen Ashby. She's a girl that he fell in love with back in Ireland. When I went to go look for them a second time, they weren't there. But they specifically stated everything on there. He had ordered the hit on me that night, but your brother stepped in front of the bullet for me. And then he tampered with my father's bike. He fixed it and messed it all up. It's confusing, I know."

"Jax, what is going to happen?"

"Well, here is the way that I think is the easiest. It's going to get messy, but I have to know that you aren't going to run. That you aren't going to go anywhere once I tell you these things. Okay?"

"I'm not running, I promise," I gulped, trying to hide the large lump in my throat.

As he explained the plan to me, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It involved taking Clay down and destroying him and Gemma one by one. It was risky, but steer learning that he had killed two people that I cared most about and Gemma just sat back and watched, I thought it was genius.

As we finished talking that night, I sunk back into his arms. I knew that nothing was going to be the same after today.

"Hey, Aubrey," he told me as I looked up after noticing something out of the corner of my eye. It was mistletoe. After that, well the rest of the night took its toll on the both of us. I guess I had to blame waking up unclothed in the arms of my husband on the mistletoe that night.

* * *

In the morning, Aurora came in on our room and woke us up by jumping on our bed and shouting "Presents! Presents! Mommy, daddy! Santa!"

We watched her open up her presents that morning with wide eyes and an even wider smile. You know, through all of the regret and angst that I was feeling about everything these past few days, I did not regret seeing my daughter open up her presents that morning while both of us watched her. I didn't regret the jokes that we shared. The laughs. The fact that Diesel would try to run away with bows and different pieces of wrapping paper. I didn't regret coming back to Charming. And then, I didn't regret when Jax had handed me a small black box with an engagement ring inside.

"Whenever we are done taking this break,let's renew our vows. If we can't work things out by this time next year, then let's just end it all right there. But I want to let you know I'm done running. I'm done with all of that. Because all that matters to me right now is you and my daughter and making you both happy." Being happy. Because isn't that what Christmas was about all along?


	57. Chapter 57

_Aurora and Harley,_

_To say that shit hit the fan when Christmas ended would be an understatement._

Things were not working in my favor at all when those snowy December days turned into cool February mornings. Everything had seemed to go downhill after one of the best Christmases that I ever experienced. The break between Jax and I were in full force and it was if the two people that existed over that holiday weekend didn't seem to exist anymore.

My weeks were spent tending to my daughter and working some dead-end human resources executive job. I had began to take classes online for my master's degree. It had been forever since I was in school and had a lot to catch up on, I guess. My weekends were spent pretty much the same. Except the weekends when I had to give my daughter up. God, those were the worst. It's as if every time I went I wanted this entire thing to be over. We did it in a parking lot of the local park so that it wouldn't seem as obvious to her. We wouldn't exchange anything more than hello's and goodbye's. It's like the two people that had spent two days with our daughter and making love weren't there anymore. I mean how could we be? Jax had told me so much about the club that I didn't want to know. And it scared me every single time he took our daughter off to his house. I mean, sure. Things had been going well with the both of them. But how was he supposed to be an instant father all of a sudden? I mean, he was kind of just thrown into the position. How was he supposed to know that she only ate sandwiches with the crusts cut off or only drank apple juice and water in the morning and then chocolate milk from that point on? No soda and her chicken nuggets had to be in the shape of dinosaurs. How was he supposed to know that Dora came on at 8am, Sesame Street at noon, Barney at 1pm, and then Gullah Gullah Island came on at 1:30 and then you had to keep the television on Nickelodeon because she wouldn't watch Disney Channel for the rest of the day because Bear in the Big Blue House wasn't on their weekend lineup? How was he supposed to know that it you brushed her hair too hard she would cry or that you had to let her wear her princess dress at least one day out of the weekend? How was he supposed to know that you needed to read to her and then sometimes sing before she would fall asleep? How was he supposed to know that he needed to be a better father than a husband because that little girl was counting on him to be there for her? He probably just pawned her off on Gemma most of the time anyway. Which I think terrified me more than him not being capable to follow the schedule that I had written down for him? Sometimes though, I would be thankful for the time that I did get to spend away from her. And I don't mean that in a bad way at all. Brantli was never here so the apartment was pretty quiet most of the time. I could actually sit down and enjoy a book or a glass of wine and watch something other than those goofy children's shows. I could listen to my records or write and focus on getting some of my work done in my classes. I could lounge around in my pajamas all day and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes if I wanted to. But, then again as much as I hated myself being selfish for the time I spent alone, I wished I was the one eating dinosaur chicken nuggets and watching those silly television shows with her. She had been my world for the past two years even though she was the result of the love that I had made to him in his arms. Every weekend when he drove off with her, he was taking every little piece of my heart with him.

On Valentine's Day which fell on Jax's weekend to take Aurora, I had decided to get out and go do something. There was a vineyard not too far away from Charming and there was a quaint little bed and breakfast hooked up to it. I thought it might be a good idea to take a little mini vacation away from Charming so I booked my room and drove there with not a care in the world. It's hard to believe that a little over ten years ago, I was celebrating one of the best Valentine's Days ever with my husband. We were fourteen and fifteen and didn't have any other care in the world except for figuring out the scavenger hunt that they had in store for us that day. God I wish I could go back to that so much. When my days were spent just thinking about him and I. It's pretty funny because I was still thinking about us when I booked my reservation here. I don't think there will ever be a moment where I won't think about Jax Teller and what he was doing at this exact moment. Was he doing some sort of Valentine's Day dinner with Aurora? Did he have a date tonight? We were on a break so did this mean that he could date other people? That I could date other people? I had run through my head several times what I would have asked him if I wanted him to go with. We would have to find a babysitter. We would spend the morning touring the vineyard and going on a wine tasting. We would spend our evening at a romantic restaurant and talk about silly things like the weather and how awesome it would be if breaks were just overrated and they could fall back in love like they did in the movies.

This, however was not the movies. And I guess I had to stop treating my life like it was one.

* * *

Tammette's Vineyard sat in the small community of Napa Valley. It was this quaint little place. It was very clean-cut and pristine on the outside with fields of grapes that were waiting to be picked to made into wine greeting you around every corner. The bed and breakfast was adorable. Everything about the place was adorable from the outside of the building to the lobby and even the furniture. On my first night there which did happen to be Valentine's Day, I grabbed my book-which happened to be the most recent Nicholas Sparks novel-and made my way down to the hotel bar. I had done my hair up, threw on my nicest pair of jeans and wore it well with a faded periwinkle hoodie. I had put minimal amounts of makeup on my face and moccasins on my feet and sat at one of the corner tables by myself. I ordered a glass of Merlot and began to read very intimately into the book. The thing about being a writer is that when you find an author that can grip onto the truth, there really is no better way than to get lost in a book that they have written. His current novel on my reading list was "Nights in Rodanthe" and I was surprised to see that I had actually made it this far. I had decided though to go back and begin reading it from the beginning. As I survived the crowd around me, I noticed a lot of couples. Almost too many for my liking. There were a lot of older folks there too. I didn't see many kids which was a good sign. If I had seen a little blonde haired girl I think I would have packed up my stuff and drove all the way to Jax's house to spend time with my daughter. I think missing people was one of the things that sucked so much about life. As I tuned back to my book, I ordered yet another glass of wine. I had finally made it out of chapter five by the time a tall, dark haired gentleman took a seat across from me at the other table. He was handsome. He had a perfect jawline and a kind face and wore glasses over his brown eyes. He wore a sweater over a button up shirt and a pair of slacks, complete with dress shoes. From the looks of it, he was alone too. Poor guy. No one deserves to be alone on Valentine's Day. His Blackberry had buzzed on the table in front of him a couple of times, but he didn't seem to notice. He was reading a James Patterson novel and too involved in the book to take a look around the room. He was sipping on a dark burgundy wine and seemed to be enjoying it. As I looked up to get one last look of the stranger in front of me, his eyes met mine. He smiled, and I smiled back. We took a couple more occasional glances at each other as I turned back to my reading. I felt someone exchange my glass out for a fresh one and they pulled the chair that sat across from me.

"Hi," he started. He had a thick, southern drawl to the way that he talked. I was intrigued. "Hope you don't mind that I bought you a glass of wine. Looked like you were running a little empty."

"Well, thank you," I said, smiling back.

"I saw you glancin' over at me."

"Just surveying the room I guess," I chuckled. "I'm Aubrey."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Kyle."

We shook hands. His hands were way too soft. It was definitely something that I wasn't used to. Jax's had always been rough. Working man hands, I guess I could our it.

"What brings you out here? On Valentine's Day, I mean."

"Just enjoying some time to myself, that's all."

"Well we all need that. Are you here with anyone?"

"I'm not. You?" Kyle asked.

I shook my head. "Love is overrated."

"Says the woman reading the Nicholas Sparks book," he laughed. "But I'll agree with you there. Love is definitely overrated. I'm here on business until Monday. Some marketing thing for my company."

"That sounds exciting. Where are you from?"

"Oklahoma. But I moved here a couple of years ago. Got a great opportunity from UCLA that I couldn't pass up. Now I'm attending Berkley for my masters. You?"

"Grew up in San Joaquin. It's this little town north of here. Went to NYU for my bachelors and now I'm taking online classes for my masters in non-profit administration and psychology."

"Impressive," he replied.

"Thanks," I laughed back.

"Non-profit was a field that I was considering for a while but then I got real heavy into marketing."

"Marketing is cool. My initial degree is in human resources."

"How's that treating you?"

"Like shit," I laughed. "Wanted to be a journalist and then I failed my communications classes from Berkley and then just changed everything when I went to NYU."

"That's a huge move."

"Husband was in the army. Deployed to Germany, and then went off to Baghdad after 9/11."

"Understandable."

"Yeah," I replied back. I mean at least someone understood my insane life. Not to mention a kid and a motorcyle club, crazy in-laws, a dead end job and you pretty much just summed up my entire life.

We kept talking for well into the late night hours. He had told me about his family that worked in the oil fieds and how he wanted to be the first one in his family to make a difference. I told him stories about my mom and about my little apartment in New York and how every day you could walk by the second floor and smell clothes drying and just be so drawn to the city in front of you. We talked about silly things like music and his love for Buddy Holly and Frank Sinatra and I told him about my love for Kenny Chesney because his music had taken me back down to days in North Carolina when I would just sit on the beach and need music to bring my spirt up. I had told him how I loved Bruce Springsteen and I could still appreciate the Eagle's "Hotel California" on vinyl. He was very intelligent, too. He was a smart man. A thinker. Some of the things he said made me question some of the paths that I had taken in my own life. He had asked about Jax. The deployments. We got on the topic of kids somehow and there I went whipping out my wallet to show him pictures of Aurora.

"She's two?"

"Two going on twenty-one," I laughed.

"And your husband?"

"27 going on 17."

He had asked about Aurora several times and had said she was one of the cutest toddlers that he had ever seen. I told him about Opie and Brantli and our trip that we took our senior year and how we were inseparable. He didn't really understand why Jax and I were taking a break, but he seemed kind of interested in that aspect of the conversation. When we said goodnight after having one too many glasses of wine, he just shook my hand. He didn't invite me up to his room, he didn't ask if I wanted to go outside and have a smoke. He just went up to his room and me to mine. Jax Teller would have asked me to do all of those things. Why should I expect every guy to be just like him though?

Of course not. But I wanted Jax to be the one siting across from me so bad that it hurt. My heart actually hurt because I was spending time with someone other than my husband. Breaks were overrated. Valentine's Day was overrated.

* * *

In the days following up from the first time that I met Kyle, we talked a lot. He told me about his awful childhood and I told him that mine was pretty rough too. He talked about rugby and I about cheerleading. We had walked around the vineyard. We smashed grapes between our feet. And even when he had kissed me on my last night in town, I still thought everything was overrated.

"Do you want to maybe go on a date or something when I get back to town? Berkley really isn't all that far away from San Joaquin." And then I concoted in my little head that jealousy wasn't overrated. And when I agreed, I told him "See you around, cowboy." And we exchanged numbers and a quick kiss on the lips before I needed to head back into town and get back to my duties as a mother. At a dead end job. Whose husband wanted them to take a break and who was always trying to run from her problems.


	58. Chapter 58

After my wonderful weekend all to myself, I was back to my normal life in no time. While the break had been nice, it was an even greater feeling to know that I would soon be reunited with my daughter on this gloomy Sunday morning. The air was crisp from the rain that was falling, making soft pitter-patters on the front windshield of my outdated Cavalier. I had had a lot of time to think about this weekend as I waited on Jax to pull up. It was truly a great time. I had loved and embraced every moment of a new adventure. I still hung on to some of the things that Kyle had told me. The way he looked at me was nothing similar to how Jax had for all of these years. Jax had looked at me like he was in love, the way any man should. But Kyle looked at me like a new experience. Like a stranger. Like there was something more to my life than just being a wife and a mother. Like I was beautiful. Like I was wanted. And in my opinion that's how I wanted a man to look at me. For right now, at least.

I heard my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I opened it up to two text messages. They were both from Jax, saying that he was running a little late because of breakfast and that he should be there in about a half an hour or so. It didn't bug me. It gave me more time to think. Time to think about it I really wanted to pursue something with Kyle. Time to think about what I would have to tell my daughter if things ever got serious. Time to think what I would tell Jax and all of the other people that I loved in my life. Time to think about what would happen if he and I really did get a divorce. Time to think about what I would tell Brantli if he ever came into town and had to spend the night. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should just stop this before I got way too ahead of myself. But then, my phone actually started ringing and when I looked down, it was Kyle. Do I answer? Do I let it go straight to voicemail? I had given in and answered it.

"Hey you," I heard him say on the other line.

"Hi," I replied back, shifting my Motorola Razor from my left to my right ear.

"Make it back to town okay?"

"I did, thanks," I smiled.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting for Jackson to get here with Aurora. He should be here soon. Why, what's up?"

"Nothing, I just missed your voice for some odd reason."

"Funny," I laughed. "I was starting to miss yours, too."

"So, listen. Next weekend I have some time off from work. I want to take you out. What are you doing?"

"It's my weekend with Aurora."

"She can come too. We can go catch a movie or something."

"Kyle, I would love to. But I think it's really too soon that I introduce her to someone that she isn't used to yet. I wouldn't want her to get attached."

"In case you fall back in love with your husband or something?"

"Exactly," I laughed.

"Well, let me know. Keep me updated throughout the week or something. I'll talk to you soon. Go be with your daughter."

"Thank you for understanding," I told him as we hung up our phones. That half an hour turned into ten minutes and before I knew it, I saw Jax's SUV make its way onto the pavement of the parking lot. I made my way out of my car and put the hood of my jacket up to cover my hair. Jax had opened up the side door of his car and grabbed our daughter out of her car-seat.

"Mommy!" she yelled to me.

"Hi princess!" I replied, as I scooped her up in my arms. She smelt of Johnson's Baby Shampoo and leather, seeing as how Jax was in his kutte. I lead her into my vehicle and buckled her in her car seat.

"You guys have a good weekend?" I asked him.

"For the most part, yeah."

"What did you do for Valentine's Day?"

"Nothing much. Just hung out with the guys a little bit. She stayed with my mom. How about you?"

"Just stayed in," I replied.

"You didn't go anywhere?"

"Why is it your business?"

"It's not," he replied coldly. "I'll see you the weekend after next."

I didn't say anything more to him. As I stepped into the driver's seat, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Kyle's number. Voicemail. "Hey Kyle, it's Aubrey," I started. "I gave what you said some thought, and I would love to do something next weekend. I'll give you a call later on in the week and we can talk more about it. Have a good week." I hung up the phone and looked back at my daughter.

"You have fun at your daddy's, baby?"

"Yeah, mommy. I met his friend named Wendy."

"You did, did you?" I asked her, putting my vehicle in drive. "That's good." I guess jealousy was the game that both of us were playing now. Ball was in my court now, I guess. I suddenly didn't feel so bad about Kyle coming into town next weekend. I didn't feel bad that Jax and I weren't together yet. We were heading towards divorce faster than my head and heart could take it. And if he had moved on, then so should I. I wasn't wrong, was I?

* * *

I had never been happier to be back in our cooped up apartment than I was that afternoon. I got Aurora down for a nap as Brantli came storming in through the front door with Juice on her right arm.

"Hi," she replied, trying to be quiet about her entrance.

"Hey!" I smiled up at her. "How was your Valentine's Day?"

"It was like any other day, I guess," she replied.

"That's good. Hey Juice."

"Hi Aubrey," he replied as he sat down in one of the chairs at our small kitchen table.

"Where did you go this weekend?" she asked me. "A bunch of us went out for drinks and then played cards at Gemma's. I was going to invite you but it's like you went MIA."

"I went down to Napa. Had some wine. Walked through the vineyard. Met someone..."

"You did not!" she yelled back. "Who?!"

"His name is Kyle. He's in marketing."

"Impressive! That's a lot better than these guys around here. No offense, babe." she said, looking at Juice.

"None taken," he laughed back. Juice though wasn't like any of the other guys. He was very shy and soft spoken. He was more of a thinker than any of the other guys. He actually had a head on him.

"So, where is he from?"

"Oklahoma. He's a graduate student at Berkley."

"That's pretty good, Aubrey. I'm so happy for you! We should all go out this weekend!"

"It's my weekend with Aurora."

"Ask Gemma to watch her."

"Hell no," I laughed. "I'll ask my dad or Alyssa before I ask Gemma."

"Oh wow. Harsh," she replied. Yeah, but Brantli you don't know what I know. "Is he going to meet Aurora?"

"Well, Wendy has met her. So yeah, Kyle should meet her too."

"I think it's a good idea. Expose her to other people while she's young so that she doesn't remember anything. Good call," she laughed.

"Yeah," I replied. Was it a good call? Or was I just trying to make the man that I once loved jealous. Whatever way it was, someone was going to hurt. Maybe it would be an okay thing if Jax was the one that got hurt. Maybe show him what he's done to me all of these years.

* * *

By Friday, I had heard from Kyle multiple times. When he first called, I was admit about the entire situation. As Saturday came though, I wasn't so confused anymore. In fact, I was excited for him to meet Aurora. Maybe he could change our lives. Maybe he could be the guy that I had been hoping for. Because Jax Teller wasn't quite doing the trick anymore. We had decided to do lunch and a movie at the house. My father had been more than delighted to watch Aurora so that all of us could go out after. I think that's the part of it that scared me overall. He would think I was this lowlife, while trash girl who didn't take herself seriously. I had hoped to God we weren't going to this hole in the wall bar.

"Mommy, I don't understand why I gotta wear a dress," Aurora had told me as I braided her hair that Saturday afternoon.

"Because, honey. We are having company over."

"Is it daddy?" she asked me. "Why hasn't he seened me this week?"

"It's complicated, baby. But mommy is trying her best. You're actually meeting mommy's friend. You know how daddy has Wendy? Well mommy has a friend too."

"Oh," she replied, sounding disbelieved.

"And you always want to make a good first impression on someone." My mother had taught me that many years ago. While my first impression outfit wise on Kyle wasn't really anything special, this time it would be. He had been dressed professional when I met him the first time and if I was a betting woman, I would say that he would be dressed that way this afternoon, too.

I turned on the television to distract my daughter from the nervousness that I was feeling inside. The crippling feeling where my legs felt like jello and my heart raced one hundred miles faster than the last beat. When the doorbell finally rang around 1, I got up, smoothed my skirt out and made my way over to the door. There was Kyle. He looked even more handsome than I had remembered. He wasn't wearing his glasses today, so his brown eyes looked like melted chocolate. His dark black hair was slicked back like a 50's greaser boy with growing facial hair around his jawline and on his chin. He wore a pair of khaki slacks, a light blue button-up, and a pair of dark brown dress shoes. Handsome didn't even begin to cover it.

"Hi," he told me, as I stood in the doorway.

"Hey," I replied back, as he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He handed me a bouquet of fresh daisies and a bottle of champagne. He also had a bottle of sparkling grape juice for my daughter. I knew she would never drink it, but it was the thought that counted.

"I almost wore jeans and a tshirt. I'm glad I didn't," he laughed as we made our way inside my three bedroom apartment.

"I'm glad you didn't either," I chuckled. Aurora sat on the couch glued to the television program flashing on screen. I grabbed the remote and shut the TV off as she gave me the biggest death stare that I had ever seen.

"Aurora, honey. This is my friend Kyle."

She stayed by my side the entire time until he got down to her level. "Hi Aurora."

"Hi," she said, smiling at him.

"Your mommy has told me so many good things about you," he started.

"Thank you," she replied, shuffling her feet and looking up at him.

"She made you a cake," I told him.

"Well, that was awfully sweet darlin'. You don't mind if I call you that, right?"

She shook her head. "You talk funny."

"Aurora Sara-Beth!" I scolded.

"It's okay. I do talk funny," he laughed. "But it's okay. Because you do too. We all do. We all have accents and when we hear one from someone that we aren't used to we call it funny."

She looked at him and smiled. "Barbie dreamhouse?"

"I think she wants to show you her Barbie house," I laughed. "I'll get lunch started."

She grabbed his hand and led him into her room and began explaining each toy to him. I grabbed the pasta salad and chicken salad sandwiches that I had made out of the fridge. I set our places at the table, cut up Aurora's food, and poured our drinks.

We ate lunch with laugher and a lot of conversation. Aurora had told him about her dad and he told her about his. We joked around a little bit, too. We had dessert and I laid her down for her afternoon nap. Kyle and I settled on the couch and had another drink. Only this time, I had picked a beer. He stuck to the champagne.

"She seems to like you," I told him. "You're a natural."

"Been around kids my entire life. I love kids. I want a couple of my own some day," he said, sipping his drink. "You think you're going to have any more after Aurora?"

"I don't know yet," I replied. "You never know what the future holds."

"You're a really good mom. You've got your hands full with her, huh?"

"Sometimes. But it's always good to have help," I replied.

"Help is always a good thing. And asking for it doesn't make you weak."

"I am very well aware of that," I replied.

"So, where are we going tonight?" he asked, changing the topic of the conversation.

"I have no idea," I chuckled. "I never know with Brantli. But it's just her and Juice."

"That's good. I'm excited to meet them."

"My friends are embarrassing," I replied.

"That's okay. I don't mind much," he gave me a sly smile.

"I mean they're like really, really embarrassing. Sometimes I wonder if they know how to act in public."

"It's fine, Aubrey. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," I replied.

"Did you miss me?" he flashed a flirtatious smile in my direction.

"I did, actually," I replied, laughing.

"Good. Because I missed you, too." he looked at me and planted a kiss on my lips.

"You know, you're gonna have to meet my dad."

"Yeah, and you're going to have to meet my folks too."

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" I asked him, finishing off my beer.

He looked at me, and cocked his head to the side a little bit. "Kind of. But you seem worth it. I know we are just getting to know each other and stuff and your husband and you are trying to work things out, but let me be there for you. Please. I'm not looking to settle down or anything. But it would be nice if I had someone to share a little bit of my life with."

"You're a sweet talker, aren't you?" I laughed.

"I am," he told me. "But, you make me talk this way."

I knew that we had just met each other. But I was so drawn to him, it seemed like. I had never felt this way before. And I can't tell you the last time that I felt this young, this free, and this wanted by someone that wasn't Jax Teller.

* * *

Chrissy was actually the one that ended up picking Aurora. She had told me that my father would be home when I picked her up tomorrow and that he was looking forward to seeing me then. Once Aurora was dropped off, I changed into a white peplum top and black leggings. I teased my hair and threw it up in a ballerina bun. I put heels on my feet, lipstick on my lips. He went with all black: black slacks, black button-up, black belt, black casual suit jacket, black shoes.

"Channeling Johnny Cash today, I see," teasing him.

"Well, at least I don't look like Marilyn Monroe," he said, grabbing my foundation brush out of my hand and grabbing my waist. This was new. For my entire life, I thought that I only fit perfectly in Jax Teller's arms. But in this moment, it appeared I fit pretty well in Kyle's, too.

"What's wrong with Marilyn Monroe?"

"What's wrong with Johnny Cash?"

I turned my head to look at him. He looked at me, too. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing, this is all just...I feel like I'm in a dream or something. You're being so sweet."

"Aren't I supposed to be? I like you. So I gotta be nice to you, right?"

"I mean, you don't have to be." I chuckled.

"Well, I want to be. And I want us to have a good time tonight."

"I'm just afraid you're going to run."

"Run? Run where? You're a funny girl Aubrey. You should start giving people a chance before you assume they're going to disappear out of your life."

So why was I still going on this date tonight then? Why was I subjecting myself to having a good time with a guy that I wasn't even sure if I liked or not yet. Why was I telling myself that shit was going to change it Jackson were to find out that I was seeing someone. That I was having thoughts of divorce and leaving him. Oh yeah, that's right. Because I didn't believe in myself to stand up on my own two feet and make decisions. Because I was always running. Never giving people a chance. Never giving myself a chance to be happy. And God did I want to be happy.

* * *

Brantli, Kyle, Juice, and myself rode into town in Juice's Dodge Charger that evening. Brantli had decided on of course this really upbeat dance club. I wasn't one for dancing. Neither was Kyle, it seemed like. In fact, it looked like the two of us belonged on a yacht somewhere dancing and having caviar. But we weren't. We made our way into Lush and the place was pulsing. Loud hip-hop music blared through the speakers (pretty sure it was "Gold-digger" by Kanye West...now, I feel old!) and people were lined wall to wall. Some were dancing, others were drinking. We grabbed a table off to the far left corner of the room where the multi-colored lights weren't so blinding. I settled on some drink made with Southern Comfort and Brantli and Kyle had Amaretto Sours. Juice was our designated driver, so he had a shot of Fireball and a glass of ice water. We started talking a lot once we were settled in. Mostly about Charming and how no other town compared to it: wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. We talked about current events, current things going on in our lives. We danced a little. Took some shots. We were genuinely having a good time. Kyle seemed to really like Brantli and Juice, too. Especially Juice. They were getting along pretty well with one-another. Hell, we all were. I hadn't laughed this hard in a long time as we people watched at our table. We would make little assumptions about them as they danced or walked by. There were some interesting characters here. But, none were more interesting in my opinion as the two that walked in through the front door of the club.

"Are these two seats taken?" I heard a familiar voice ask. I looked up from my drink and saw Jax Teller and some blonde bimbo standing less than a foot away from us.

Well, there went my good night.


	59. Chapter 59

It's as if time had stood still as soon as I saw him enter into the club that night. And then as he stood at the table and he said those words to me, my god how much did I wish this was a dream that I could wake up from? That I could forget? But it wasn't. And I needed to live it out. Jax didn't say a word more as he and the girl next to him took a seat. I thought that this must have been Wendy. This long haired, blonde girl covered in tattoos and scars on her arms must have been the girl that my husband was choosing to spend most of his time with now must have been Wendy. She was gorgeous. One of the prettiest girls that I have ever seen. She knew how to do her makeup. She knew how to pair even jeans and a simple tank top with heels and costume jewelry. I was envious of her. Especially the way that she looked at Jax and he looked at her.

"What are you doing here?" Brantli asked. "With her?"

"We were in the neighborhood and wanted to have a drink. This place has the best Amaretto Sours. I can never make them right," Wendy said, answering for Jax.

"You don't know how to look-up a drink recipe?" Brantli asked him. "We told you that we were going to be here tonight."

"You didn't tell me you were coming with Aubrey. Where's our daughter?" he asked me.

"With her grandfather," I replied coldly, as Kyle rested his hand back on my knee where it had been before Jax showed up.

"So that you could go out and whore around?" he said under his breath. But I heard him. So did Wendy. And Brantli. The only two who didn't seem to were Kyle and Juice.

"Excuse me?!" I asked.

"Aren't you doing the same thing, Jax? You've been hanging out with Wendy well before Aubrey met Kyle. I don't want to hear it."

"You always gotta fight her battles for her, don't you Brantli?" Jax asked.

"And you always have to be a dick, don't you Jackson?" Brantli asked back, sipping on her drink.

"Whose this? Looks like some rich kid."

"Well, I'm not," Kyle replied back. "I'm Kyle."

"Nice accident, prep."

"Well, thank you. I'm pretty proud of it," he laughed, putting his arm around me.

"So, where you from? The Deep South or something?"

"I'm a graduate student at Berkley. Do you know what college is?" Wow. Kyle did not like Jax. At. All.

"I do, actually. I chose to be a soldier instead though."

"Noble of 'ya."

"Well, you know. That's back when people thought I was noble. So what're you in school for?"

"Marketing. I'm trying to open up my own firm. And what do you do now that you're out of the army?"

"I'm a mechanic. You know, a working man's job."

"What company do you work for?" he asked.

"Teller-Morrow."

"You guys have a website or something? How do you get the word out about your company?"

"Website. Word of mouth."

"You know, without people like me that put that website together and make different advertisements, you wouldn't have business," he finished off the rest of his drink and looked at me. My gaze was focused on Brantli though, and we both were trying to keep our mouths shut. "Wanna go dance?"

"I'd love to," I said, staring back at Jax. He just glared at me as I grabbed onto Kyle's hand and we made our way onto the dance floor. As the song changed, Kyle turned me so that my backside was facing him. We danced fast, we danced sexy, and we let this obnoxious music somehow fill our souls. He was doing a great job of leading me. And I, too was doing a great job of dancing on him. Then, Jax and Wendy made their way out onto the dance floor. She was pleasing more than I think I had ever done in my life with one simple dance move. And then I saw her kiss him. She wrapped one leg around him, pulled him close to her, and she kissed him. I didn't even do anything back. I was so disgusted. I headed back to the table and apologized for Brantli for wanting to leave. I couldn't be there anymore. So, we just said that we would continue drinking at the apartment. She didn't want me to be alone with him this evening. She didn't know what kind of crazy thing I could do now that I was without Jax. I applauded her for being a good best friend, but she needed to know that I was equipped to make foolish ones. Ones that might not be the smartest. Kyle of course was wonderful. He had only consumed about two more drinks when we got back to the apartment so I stopped drinking as well. We played a couple of rounds of poker, then made our way into our designated rooms for the night. It's funny, because I think if I was a couple of years younger, I would have slept with him. I think I would have let him have his way with me no matter if I was married and a mother I would have just forced myself on him. But Kyle wasn't like that. And I knew that he wasn't like that because he took the couch to sleep on and I went into my bed.

* * *

Waking up the next morning kind of majorly sucked. Although I wasn't waking up in Kyle's strong arms, I still knew that I had to say goodbye to him this afternoon. It was comforting to hear the sounds of my friends and him laughing over their morning coffee. Only, he drinks tea in the morning from a night of drinking.

Jax would have had coffee and a Bloody Mary, and probably opened up another beer to get his headache to go away.

But Kyle was drinking tea. I think tea tasted like boiled dirt to me. I never really cared for it all that much.

"Hey girl," I heard Brantli greet me as I made my way out of the bedroom. For February it was freezing in our little apartment. I made sure my throw blanket was wrapped completely around my body and my slippers were nice and snug on my feet.

"Hi," I said, my voice still kind of groggily. Kyle laughed, and I kissed him on the forehead on my way to the coffee machine.

"You're sexy when you first wake up," Brantli said. My makeup was smeared. And I wore sweats and an old Charming High shirt. Oh yeah. Real sexy alright. "Don't you think so Kyle?"

"I think she's sexy all of the time," he chuckled.

"What time do you have to go pick up Aurora? It's too quiet around here without here."

"I know. I go pick her up from my dad's whenever. I think she likes spending time with Mia and Chris."

"I would really like to go with," Kyle spoke up.

"You don't want to meet my dad," I replied.

"Yeah, no Dennis isn't really all that great. I mean, yeah he's better now than he was say ten years ago. But he's kind of weird."

"Oh gee, thanks," I laughed back.

"I don't care. I would love to meet him."

* * *

So, I did decide to take Kyle along with me once we were showered and ready for the day. Pulling up to my dads house, I felt this weird ping hit my body. I have never taken a guy home to meet my father before. It's always been Jax and no one but him. But as I looked at Kyle in my front seat, I knew that our "relationship" was about to either take off in a different direction and become maybe more serious or fall out in front of us.

Thank god Mia answered the door. She gave me a hug and led us into the house. Chrissy was doing dishes in the kitchen and Chris was on the floor playing with his Hot Wheels track. Aurora was sitting on my dad's lap while they watched SportsCenter together.

"Daddy, sissy's here!" she exclaimed as we walked into the living room.

My dad looked up at me and smiled. "Hi bubba."

"Hey, dad," I replied, as I made my way over to give him a hug. I picked Aurora up and put her in my arms. "This is Kyle. He's a friend of mine."

"Kyle," my dad said, as he reached out his hand for him to shake. Kyle took it and repeated the gesture back.

"Beautiful house y'all have here, Mr. Springsteen." I had told Kyle everything, so I was happy that he addressed him as Springsteen and not Daniels.

"Well, thank you. You guys hungry? We just made breakfast but there's some leftover if you'd like."

"We ate on the way over, dad but thank you."

"My pleasure," he replied. My daughter was awful quiet. That was unlike her.

"She behave for you guys last night?"

"She did. She's always good for grandma and grandpa," he said.

"Well, that's good. You guys up to anything today?"

"You're looking at it," he laughed. "I'm on vacation from work. So if you need some help this week, let me know. I know you've got midterms coming up."

"Thanks, dad," I said. "Well, we better head on home. I'll call you this week. Maybe we can go out for coffee or something."

"Sure. Let me know when you're free," he replied. I gave everyone goodbye hugs and kisses and made sure that my daughter did the same. Chrissy even gave me a wide eyed smile and said that Kyle was really cute and that I did a good job. He was just a friend. Nothing more.

Once we were settled in the car, Aurora kept looking out the window. "Is daddy mad at me?"

"No, baby. Daddy's just been busy this weekend. You'll see him next weekend though. That's when you spend time with daddy."

"But I don't."

"What do you mean, honey? Does he not spend time with you?"

"Grandma's" she replied back and I knew my hunch was right all along. Jax Teller wasn't spending time on the weekends with his daughter. He was pawning her off on Gemma. And something needed to be done about this.


	60. Chapter 60

When couples legally decide to separate, there are a lot of steps that need to be taken. After finding out that Jax had been pawning our daughter off on Gemma most weekends, I needed to take action. I simply told him that I don't think it's right for him to see her anymore with everything going on and he suggested that we take it to court. So, we did. He gave them some full hearted excuse and they granted him partial custody, so we still carried out the every other weekend routine that we had been doing. By March, we were legally separated. I had began to spend a lot more time with Kyle now especially over his spring break. We talked a lot, danced, fooled around a little bit. But it wasn't all like that. We went on dates. We went out to movies and art galleries and boring office parties. We studied together, we taught each other things that I don't think the other one knew. He taught me how to operate Microsoft Word and Excel and PowerPoint. I taught him how to change the oil in his car so that he could do it himself. He taught me things about history and math and science: little trivia things that were floating around in his mind. I taught him about music and where the best places to hangout in Charming were. We went on bike rides, we went shopping. We went to different restaurants so that I could expand my pallet. I learned that I actually really enjoyed sushi. He was a great guy, and there were weekends that I would actually look forward to spending with him. By April, he had finished off his semester at Berkley and decided to rent an apartment in the same complex as ours. We had family days and he would spoil the hell out of my daughter. They had become really close and when he wasn't over, she missed him too. By May I had decided to go to the courts and file for divorce. And by June, Jax came up with the idea to participate in marriage counseling after dumping Wendy.

So, here I sat. In the waiting room of the marriage counselor' office, staring my husband in the face. We didn't speak. I just casually flipped through the pages of a worn out Cosmo magazine.

"Heard Kyle moved into your building."

"Yep," I replied.

And then no more words were said. As the therapist called us in, we took our seats in front of him. The office felt cold despite the heatwave that we were experiencing in California. The walls were a sea-foam green color and degrees from distinguished universities hung in their place. It was a guy, of course. And right away I knew he was going to favor anything that Jax was telling him. He was probably a father and a husband himself. He was going to be more sympathetic towards Jax than he was me.

"So, guys. My name is Dr. Hubbard. And you are?"

"I'm Jackson Teller."

"Aubrey Teller. Soon to be Daniels."

"So, I can hear you're thinking of divorce. Is that what brings you in here?"

"Yes," I replied. "I want him to sign the divorce papers, but he won't."

"Is that true, Jackson?" he asked.

"We have a daughter together. And I don't want her growing up thinking I'm the bad guy in all of this."

"But you are," I replied.

"How does that make you feel, Aubrey? Jax thinking that he's the bad guy?"

"Well, he should. It makes me feel like shit that he thinks he is. And I'm sorry. But I grew up with two parents that hated each other. And then my dad cheated on my mom and she began using drugs and it went south from there."

"Do you still see your daughter, Jackson?"

"Not as much as I'd like to."

"He has visitation every other weekend. It's him that chooses not to spend the time with his daughter when he is allowed it."

"And why is that?" Dr. Hubbard asked.

"My job," Jackson replied.

"I'm a traveling salesman."

No you're not. You're a drug dealer, gun slinger, Harley riding son of a bitch and I don't think my daughter should be subjected to be around that kind of environment.

"My job requires me to travel all over Northern California and I find myself doing bigger jobs on the weekends. She stays with my mom a lot."

"And how does that make you feel, Aubrey."

"I have a full time job too. But I still find time to spend with my daughter. We go on bike rides together. We go out to the movies and museums. The beach. The water park. Anything that I am able to do with her, I do."

"How old is she?"

"She's three," I replied. I still couldn't believe that she was three. "And she's smart. She's starting to pick up on things and asks me why her daddy doesn't want to spend time with her. There's weekends that she would rather stay home with me than go off with Jackson."

"Understandable. Kids that age are beginning to learn, especially if they come from a household that teaches them well."

"Right. And I don't think she needs to be around her grandmother more than her father."

"My mom is a good mom. She raised me and my brother."

"Not well enough," I replied.

"Bullshit!" Jax yelled.

"When was the last time you guys lived together?" he asked.

"Right before 9/11. We were living in New York at the time."

"I got deployed."

"And then my best friend and I moved to North Carolina. We found out that her husband died and we came back to Charming."

"How long have you guys been married for?"

"It would have been nine years in March," he replied. "We were eighteen. Well I was eighteen, she was seventeen."

"That's an awful young age to be married at."

"Her mom was dying and I wanted her to be able to see us get married. We've known each other since we were seven."

"Wow. You guys have been through pretty much everything together. So, you weren't able to pick up the pieces when you came home I presume?"

"Yes. He came home early and he never told you."

"I told you."

"So what is it then? I mean, have you guys had problems before?"

"No, we never fought."

"We fought," Jax replied.

"About silly stuff. Like not starting the dishwasher. And laundry. And money."

"Has money always been tight for you guys?"

"No."

"Especially not now that she's dating a rich guy."

"So you're seeing someone else?" he asked me.

"Yes," I said sympathetically.

"I see. And Jax, how does this make you feel?"

"Like I'm not enough for her. That she has to go out and find better."

"I'm not trying to find better. I'm trying to think about our daughter and her future."

"So what is it then?"

"We just don't love each other anymore. And I want to know how to fix it."

Dr. Hubbard then decided to meet with us individually. Jax was an asshole and made me go first.

"So, Aubrey. When did you begin dating Kyle?"

"We met back in February. We became official in May."

"How does Aurora like him?"

"She loves him. He's a good guy, genuinely. He loves her."

"Does he love you though?"

"I don't know, let me call him up and ask him."

"I know this must be hard for you, Aubrey. I know that a lot of things have probably happened in your life..."

"You don't know shit about my life," I replied. "You probably live in a cushy house with your wife and kids and make well over $90,000 a year. You probably go on family vacations to Europe and have more than enough money to send your kids to private school and college."

"Well, tell me then. What is stopping you from loving Jax like you should?"

"People just grow up. They drift apart."

"Not people that have known each other since they were that young. What changed?"

"Jax changed. Jax became a different guy since he got home from the war."

"You knew that was going to happen. Are you mad at him for going off?"

"No, I'm not. I'm not one bit mad. I love that he did that. He wanted to do it. His dad was in the Army during Vietnam. So I don't blame him for wanting to go off and serve."

"Were you close with his father?"

"Very," I explained. And then I broke down. I told him about JT, I told him about my parents. How my dad re-married and my mom passed away. I told him about Colton, about Opie, Brantli. My daughter. All of the good memories that I had with Jax. When our hour was up, I headed back into the waiting room. I looked at Jax with tears in my eyes and told him that I hoped he was happy. And he didn't say anything back. Because I knew that if he was asked the same questions he would come out crying, too. And Jax Teller was not one to cry. What really happened between us? How did we go from being in love to not even wanting to be in the same room with one another. I didn't even make it home for an hour before I received a call from Jackson saying that Aurora and myself had to come to the clubhouse. We were going on lockdown. So, I guess we had to be in the same room with one another and be able to stand it so that no one could see us for who we really were becoming.

* * *

SAMCRO lockdowns are by far one of the most grueling parts of being an old lady. They did it when there was a threat being enforced on the club or when they were about to get into some deep shit. Jax had told us to pack for a couple of days. As much as I wanted to spend the time with Kyle, I needed to protect myself and my daughter right now. He was heading out with some of his old fraternity brothers anyway for the evening. I didn't mind it. We had to tend to our past lives before we could focus on the future. Plus, we were going to Oklahoma next weekend to meet his parents. While I still was shuttering at that fact, I guess it was something that needed to be done.

The clubhouse was packed with people from different charters, their old ladies, kids: it looked almost like a party in here. Clay had told us that we were here because we were family. And whether we liked it or not, the club would be doing some major shit the next couple of days. We were told that we couldn't leave without an escort and if we needed anything to take it up with Gemma. Gemma, who by the way was making her way over to me as I sat at the table with Brantli and Juice. She greeted us, then took a seat.

"How did marriage counseling go?"

"It was fine," I told her.

"Glad you guys are starting to work stuff out."

"We aren't. But maybe it will make him sign the divorce papers faster."

"I don't think that's what he wants."

"Well I don't care what he wants. It's what is best for my daughter."

"Your daughter? Please. Jax has raised her, too."

"Yeah, and so has Brantli. So I guess Aurora is Brantli's daughter too, right?"

"Your little smart ass mouth isn't going to get you out of anything darling. You're not even divorced yet and you're sleeping around with some other guy."

"For your information, we haven't even slept together yet. He's just a friend."

"Well, I did learn from the best. You're a pro at sleeping around when you're married, aren't you?"

"What did you just say to me?"

"I said that you are a pro at sneaking around while you're married. Did I stutter? John loved you. You drove him away because you wanted Clay. And your wish was granted. JT is gone and you're happily married to Clay."

"You better shut that pretty little mouth of yours up right now."

"Why? Because the truth is too hard for you to handle, Gemma? You said you never wanted me to be like you but guess what? You were the person that I looked up to growing up. And now I'm just like you."

"Aubrey! Come do a shot with us!" Tig yelled to me.

I looked back at Gemma. "Except, the guys respect me a lot more than you do. Have they ever asked you to take a shot with them before? Probably not," I said as I got up from my chair and made my way over to the bar. We weren't sure what we were toasting too, but we slammed down the homemade moonshine faster than I expected to. The guys didn't have to go out tonight, so all of them were probably planning to get drunk. And now it was my turn to pawn Aurora off on someone else. Because I was going to get drunk too. And I wasn't going to feel bad about it.

* * *

Halfway into the night, Gemma had tucked Aurora into bed. We were all pretty much blinding drunk, and Jax had stopped me before I took another shot. In addition to Chibs, we were the only two still up. He took the drink out of my hand and led me into one of the back bedrooms.

"You are going to feel like shit tomorrow. That stuff is lethal."

"I'll be fine," I slurred.

"Just don't puke in the bed."

"I probably will," I laughed. I don't know why it was so funny, but for some reason it was.

"Just lay on your side," he instructed. He placed a bottle of Gatorade and two aspirin by the bedside table just like he always did when I had too much to drink.

"Lay with me," I told him.

"Aubrey, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"I don't have cooties."

"Yeah, but you do have a boyfriend."

"Not really. He's just someone that takes me to museums and makes me ride bikes with him."

"I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Is it because I'm not as pretty as Wendy?"

"Wendy is a junkie. I don't know why the hell I was with her."

"But you were," I replied.

"Why are you so confusing?" he asked me. "One second you want a divorce. The other you're asking me to lay with you."

"I don't know, Jax! I just guess I'm confused."

"Well, when you get un-confused, let me know."

"I'm not the one that started dating someone first!"

"I'm not the one that kept our daughter a secret."

"We're back there, Jackson? Are we really back there?!"

"I guess so!" he yelled. I stood up. I was pretty surprised that I could actually. I pinned him against the wall and we began to kiss aggressively. And by night's end, I did end up sleeping in the same bed as my husband. Not only did a hangover hit me that morning, but so did the fact that I woke up and couldn't find any of my clothes.

"Did we?" I asked him, as I sat up and chugged the Gatorade. He was getting ready for the day in his white t-shirt, jeans, and his kutte.

"No, you said you were burning up so I undressed you after you got sick."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah, I know. Stay safe today. If you need to go out, remember to grab someone."

Now I was really confused. I slept in the same bed as him last night and he didn't try to make a move on me. I respected it. But still. I'm glad Jax wasn't the only one that was confused. Because so was I. Especially when we went to Oklahoma the following weekend. I didn't even know how to act. Kyle's parents were loaded. His house was immaculate and his maid even took my coat. His parents were nice, kind of stuck up. They loved Aurora though. They didn't like me. They could tell I was trash from the get-go. Kyle spoke highly of me and I of him. I was eavesdropping on his conversation with his father that he had that night when he told him that he was in love with me. That when this divorce was over, he was going to marry me. I did not see that coming. And I definitely did not see this coming from his dad. He told Kyle that I was trash. I was white trash, to be more specific. I didn't belong in the culture that they were in. I didn't belong in country clubs or on yachts or anything of that nature. He couldn't see me being part of his mother's book club while he was off golfing with his son. He couldn't see me meeting people from his work and having to explain to them that we were raising a kid. And Kyle just told him that he didn't care. That he was going to love me for me, plain and simple.

And by July, I somehow found myself spending a lot less time with Kyle and more time with Jax. I was lost, I was confused. And I wanted my husband back. I was done playing the jealousy game. I needed Jax. I longed for him.

Then, Kyle and I had sex for the first time and I had to break down and tell Jax. And he wasn't happy, but he understood. And we kept going to marriage counseling. And then in August, well everything just became all kinds of confusing. I had a choice to make. Do I stay with Jax and try to make things better or do I beg him to sign the divorce papers and marry Kyle?

Whatever it was, I knew someone was going to get hurt. And I knew that I was going to be one of them. But I couldn't stand to see someone else get hurt. And then I thought. Because another person that was going to get hurt was my daughter. I couldn't stand to see her get hurt. She loved both of them so much. And I didn't know if I loved Kyle. But I could see myself falling in love with him. Especially when he told me that he wanted to move in together. He put a down payment on a house in Napa and handed me the key in a little wooden chest wrapped up nice with a bow on it. That day still sticks out in my head all the time and I think about whether or not I made the right choice very often.

* * *

By the time school started back up for the both of us, we had began to spend a lot less time together than we wanted to. Kyle still made the effort to come over for dinner. Sometimes, he would make it before I was even in the door from work. He would have Aurora bathed and her eating before I got into the door. I didn't like that. It was something that I had always wanted Jax to do. Sometimes, when I walked in I wished that it was actually Jax standing there making dinner for us. Marriage counseling was the only time that I saw him now. I guess SAMCRO had been doing some deep hardcore drug stuff and he didn't want to see Aurora until they were in the clear about everything.

"Have you given any more thought about moving in together? Napa is beautiful. You'll love it, I promise. The house is gorgeous. It's brick. There's carpeting everywhere so it'll be nice and safe for Aurora. There's a barn out back and we can get a couple of horses. I can teach her how to ride..."

But that's not at all what I wanted. I wanted an ivory house with a white picket fence. I wanted flowers to greet people as they walked in. I wanted a wrap around porch with two rocking chairs sitting outside. I wanted marble floors and a huge staircase. A big kitchen so that I could make family dinners and invite everyone over on Sunday's. I wanted an even bigger backyard with an oak tree so that we can hang a tire swing from it. Maybe even a tree house and a deck and a pool for our summer entertainment. I wanted to build snowmen and make snow angels in the winter time. I wanted nice neighbors. I didn't want horses. I didn't want my daughter to ride a damn horse! I wanted her to do ballet and play tball or soccer. She wasn't going to be riding a horse. That's not what I envisioned.

"I don't know. My entire life is here. My family is here."

"Aubrey, I would take really good care of you and Aurora. I love you. I'm in love with you. And I love her. I want us to be a family."

That night, as we laid down together I decided to find the nearest sticky note and paste it on my pillow. The note said something like _Went on a walk. I'll be back soon. Aubrey._

* * *

My original plan was to go on a walk. But somehow, some way I ended up in the driveway of my childhood home. The drive way of my soon to be ex-husband's home. With the divorce papers sitting next to me on the passenger seat. At 1am.

Let's face it. If you've ever been a teenager or someone in their early to late twenties, you have learned that nothing good ever happens after 1am.


	61. Chapter 61

"Aubrey, what are you doing here?" Jax asked me as he opened up the door. I didn't even know what to tell him.

"Can I come in?" I can't believe those were the words that I chose to go with.

"Is everything okay? Is Aurora alright?" he asked.

"She's fine," I said, as I sat down on the couch. "Your house is a mess."

"My maid's on vacation."

"Very funny," I replied.

"What are you doing here then?" he asked me.

"I just missed you, that's all."

"What's in your hand?" he asked me, pointing down at the manila envelope resting in my right fist.

"Divorce papers," I chuckled.

"Oh god Aubrey. You came over here at 1am to ask me to sign divorce papers?" he asked me.

"No, that's not what I came to do," I replied. "Kyle asked me to move in with him."

"Congratulations?" he said, the words coming out more like a question than a statement.

"I don't know if that's what I want."

"If it's what you want I'll sign the papers," he said. "I need a drink."

"Why did you pawn our daughter off on your mother? Was it to spend time with Wendy?"

"I don't want to fight tonight."

"I don't either," I replied.

"Do you wanna get out of here? Wanna go somewhere?"

I nodded my head. "Yes."

* * *

At first, I thought he was going to take me to T's for a late night snack. But as he continued driving on the back roads and I followed behind him, I knew that we were a far way away from T's when we pulled into the dead-end driveway of the cabin. I left the papers in the car and we made our way inside. I smelt like old campfires and wool and I never missed a smell more in my entire life. Jax poured us each a drink and we sat in the living room, sipping on them nonchalantly.

"So, moving in huh?"

"Thought we weren't going to fight tonight?" I asked, giggling a little bit.

"Do you remember the first time I took you here?" he asked me changing the topic of the conversation.

"Yeah," I said, smiling a little bit. "Homecoming night, junior year. You thought you were so cool because Piney let you come up here for the weekend. I don't think we left this place. You taught me how to fish and make the perfect s'more by licking your marshmallow."

"We hiked and looked out under the stars."

"Yeah," I replied. "Such good times."

"I know. Where did it all go? How did it all end?"

"I don't know," I replied, looking up at the ceiling. "I have no idea."

"I still love you, Aubrey. I'm always going to love you. And if signing those papers are going to make you love me and make you have a happy life, then that's what I'll do. I want you to be happy. I want you to be able to face me and tell me that you're finally happy. That you moved on and now you don't feel so bad."

"But that's not what I want."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know," I replied. "Kyle is a great guy. But he's not you. He will never be you."

"Do you love him?"

I had to think about this one for a minute. "No," I replied back. "I don't love him."

"Then why do you stay with him?"

"He's good to me. He's good to your daughter."

"He does seem like a good guy. Better than I'll ever be."

"Don't say that."

"How is he in bed?"

"Awful," I laughed. "Completely awful."

"Well, we all can't be like me in that aspect," he replied. I punched him playfully on the arm.

"You know. When you came back, I expected you to be different. And you are," I said, pressing my beer to my lips.

"And?"

"I'm not saying it's a good or a bad thing. Maybe it's both. I don't know. I waited for you though. And it crushed me that you didn't call me when you came home."

"I feel bad every single day about that."

"It wasn't over for me," I replied. "It wasn't over at all. I wanted to come back and mend the fences with you."

"It wasn't over for me either," he said, leaning closer to me. "It wasn't over then. And it's not over now."

As he looked into my eyes and kissed me, we let it build up. We let ourselves get carried away. He carried me into the bedroom. We undressed one another. He had bulked up a little so his veins were pulsing out of his arms. He had let his hair grow a lot more. And his eyes. His eyes looked as blue as the Pacific Ocean. His kisses were soft and sweet on my body. His touch felt almost magnetic.

"You drive me wild, you know that Aubrey?"

* * *

We did what we did best when we were out here and stayed in bed for two whole days. I don't think we moved at all. There was still something comforting about being wrapped in his arms. It was a feeling that I didn't get with Kyle and I had longed for it. My phone had rang multiple times. Three times from Brantli telling me to have fun doing whatever it was I was doing and that she had Aurora. And five from Kyle asking me where the hell he was. I didn't answer any of them. In fact, I had turned my phone off.

"What are you going to do, Aubrey?" was the question that Jax had asked to greet me with after our normal "good mornings."

"I don't know," I said, letting out a heavy breath that I was holding in.

"Well, you're going to have to make a decision."

"Can't it wait?"

"It's Sunday. You have to go back to work tomorrow. Go back to being a mom. Avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Then why do you want a divorce?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"You don't know anything, do you?" he asked me, as we got up and changed into our clothes.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You don't know what you want. You don't know what to do. You're here because you're bored!"

"You're an asshole!" I replied back.

"You come here, you make love to me for two days and now you're going to go back to your boyfriend? Was that your plan? Was it a test to see which one of us treats you better?"

"No!" I exclaimed.

"Then what is it?!"

"I don't know, Jackson!" I said, as I made my way outside.

"This is not about who you love more. It's about who is going to provide for you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"He has a lot of money, Aubrey!"

"You're such a dick! I can't believe you even said that to me! Our relationship has never been about money and I never want it to be!"

"Well then why are you with him?"

"I don't know!" I yelled back.

"Would you just stay here with me for the afternoon? Come home with me?"

"Come home with you? Jackson, we just woke up and we're already fighting!"

"That's what we do best, Aubrey! We fight. You're a bitch and I'm a dick. We tell each other what we are feeling and sometimes it results in fighting. You are bored with your boyfriend and you would not have came over on Friday if you weren't!"

"God, I can't even stand the sight of you right now!" I yelled, making my way to my vehicle.

"That's fine! Leave. That's what you know best. You are running. You don't want to make the decision and you want everyone to decide for you. I'll do it. Give me the divorce papers."

"Jackson," I replied. "I have a lot to think about. And it's not easy."

"You're right. It's not going to be easy. Everything about our life has not been easy up until this point and it's not going to be easy after this point. But I want to work at it every day because I want you, Aubrey. You once asked me what I picture when I thought of my life ten years from now. We were sixteen. And now, it's been past those ten years. And I see you. I'll always see you. I will see you until the day that I die because I love you. I love you more than you will ever now. Now, picture your life ten years from now when you're 38. Twenty years from now when you're 48. Forty years from now when you're 68. Are we still sitting in rocking chairs on our front porch? Are we still retired and watching our grandkids play in the front yard?"

"Jackson."

"If you leave right here, right now I hate you."

"I have to leave, Jax."

"You're taking the easy way out! You're thinking about what everyone else wants what you. Be selfish for a second. What do you want?"

"Jax there is not easy way out of this! No matter what I do, someone gets hurt. Me, Aurora, you, Kyle."

"Goddamnit, Aubrey! What the hell do you want? If you want to go, go. I've lost you many times. I think I can handle it before. You have remorse and you come running back, we make love and then you flee. You flee from everything in life because you don't want to handle it. Well guess what? Life is now staring you in the face and you have to chose the road that you want to take. If you want Europe vacations and private school and country clubs then go. Be with Kyle. But if you want me, a normal house, a normal life. Endless love. Struggling to pay bills, struggling to take our daughter to Disney for the first time then pick me."

I was crying this point. And through the tears in my eyes, I hopped in my car. "I need to go talk to Brantli."

"Brantli is not going to fight this for you!"

"I know!" I yelled, pounding down on the steering wheel. "I need to go see my daughter. And my boyfriend."

As I pulled out of the driveway, I watched him standing there. I still stung my heart to leave him. We had spent our entire lives leaving each other. I was ready to stay in one place. I was ready to settle down. I was done playing all of these stupid games.

But I had managed to somehow fall for two guys in the process. I don't think that it hit me until I pulled out my cell phone that I had feelings for Kyle. And if I didn't choose him, it would crush him.

* * *

I had told Brantli to bring Aurora to T's. None of the girls said anything to me as I made my way inside and met Brantli at our booth. She had ordered me a coffee, and told me that I looked like hell. My hair was a mess, makeup was streaming down my face. I know I looked like hell.

"Where were you?"

"I was up at the cabin," I replied.

"Damnit, Aubrey."

"I know, I know."

"Kyle is crushed. He thought you left him with Aurora."

"No, God no. I needed some time to think."

"And sleeping with Jax Teller is going to help you do that?"

"Maybe," I said, flailing my arms in the air. "I don't know what I want anymore."

"What's your heart telling you?" she asked, as Aurora scribbled in her coloring book.

"Jackson."

"And your head?"

"Kyle," I replied.

"Shit," she murmured.

"What do I do?" I asked her.

"Make a pros and cons sheet."

"Brantli."

"I'm serious."

"That's not a good suggestion," I laughed.

"It was worth a shot," she replied back.

"How did you get over Opie so fast? And move on with Juice, I mean?"

She laughed, tapped her foot, then looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not over Opie. I will never be over Opie. Opie was my first love. The only guy that I probably will ever love. But sometimes, other people come in and fill that void in your heart. And loving someone else does not make you the bad person. But you and Jax? Come on now. If you guys were to get a divorce then I would think that love didn't exist anymore. Because the way you guys love each other..." she looked at Aurora and then back at me. "The way you guys love each other is insane. You might be a million miles apart but Jackson will always love you. He will always be the one that he is thinking of."

"But he moved on with someone else."

"Wendy? Please. He was trying to make you jealous."

"But what about Kyle?"

"Are you with him for the love or for the money?"

"Both?"

"You can't pick both. Pick one." And I knew that she wasn't just talking about love and money. She was now talking about the guys. "And you better pick quick. Because I'm kicking you out."

"Brantli."

"Aubrey, you need to move in with one of them. That apartment is no place for you and Aurora. You deserve a home. You deserve someone that is going to be there for you every single day. I love you. You'll always be my best friend. But you need to pick one, not look back, and be happy with your decision."

_Aurora and Harley,_

_Johnny Depp once said "if you fall in love with two people, pick the second. Because if you really loved the first, you would not have fallen for the second."_

* * *

As I strapped Aurora into her car seat after gathering all of the boxes up and talking to Kyle, I made my way into town. I passed all of the landmarks that once meant something to me. I passed our high school. I passed the cemetery and the church, then TM. I passed Braison's house, Brantli's childhood home, and then I passed the Teller's. I found myself pulling into the driveway of my childhood home. The divorce papers had been ripped to shreds and I gave Kyle back his key. Jax was the second person that I had fallen in love with. But he was also the first. He was the first person that I ever loved. And then I thought I felt something for Kyle. And then, after leaving T's and breaking up with him, I knew Jax wasn't only the first person that I fell in love with: he was the second. And he was the third. And he would be the hundredth, too. Because you only really fall in love one time in your life. I knew that wasn't true for most people. But for me, it was.

I let Aurora ring the doorbell. And when Jax opened it up, he smiled.

"What are you doing here, baby?"

"Brantli kicked us out," I smiled at him, joining my daughter on the porch.

"Uh huh?"

"And I was thinking about what you said. If you're still up for renewing our vows, I think I am too."

"What?" he asked. I could tell that he was in disbelief.

"I want to move in with you. I want to finally begin a normal life with you. I want everything that happened this past year to be behind us. Because I pick you, Jax. You should have been my first choice all along and..."

He cut me off with a kiss before I could say anything else. "Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much, Teller?"

"Once or twice," I chuckled.

"I love you, baby. I've never stopped loving you."

"I love you too, Jackson."

"Welcome home."

"It sounds so good to hear you finally say that."

"Too bad this isn't your home anymore."

I was a little shocked. "What do you mean?"

"Come on. Follow me."

Jackson led us a couple of blocks away. When he pulled in the driveway of the place, I was completely shocked. The house that I had talked about having my entire life was staring me in the face. It was ivory, with a white picket fence. There weren't flowers but I knew we could plant some. There were marble floors and a big glass door with some windows. A big kitchen. An even bigger dining room. Five bedrooms, three bathrooms. There was an even bigger backyard. No deck, no treehouse, no pool. But we could build it. There was a wrap around porch and the winding staircase. There weren't rocking chairs, but I knew we could buy some. I knew we could make memories here. I knew that we could raise our daughter here.

"I sold your old house a couple of days ago. And with the money, I bought this one. This is your dream house. For the girl that has always been my dream. This is why I pawned Aurora off on Gemma. It wasn't for Wendy and it wasn't for SAMCRO. It was to start fixing this place up for you. It needs some more fixing up, but I think we can all do it. I think we can grow old here. Don't you think?"

"Welcome home," I told him, as he stared up at me. "To our home."

"I'm starting to like the sound of that even more."


	62. Chapter 62

_Aurora and Harley,_

_The funny thing about fairy-tales and happy endings is well, they're really not that funny at all._

I had hoped by the time that I turned 28 that I would have a handle on life more than I had when I was eighteen. When I was eighteen, I had the world by the horns. I was in school, I was married, I was traveling. I was working towards goals and dreams that I had set for myself since I was a little girl. But, those dreams and goals changed a long way down the line. When I was 28, I was doing pretty much the same thing. I was still married, still in school, and now instead of traveling I was a mother. The only traveling that I ever did was to and from our house, work, and daycare. The only goals and dreams that I had completed were still being married and becoming a mother. I hadn't completed the goal of finding a career. I didn't have the same dreams and admirations to be a journalist anymore. But life had taken a complete turn for the worst. That's what I mean about fairytales and happy endings, girls. Because once you think you are all going to live happily ever after, life cuts in and shits over everything.

I mean, I should have known. It had been nearly a month since Jax., Aurora, and myself had moved into our new home. We had many nights where we would stay up way too late painting the living room or making sure that the pictures hung on the walls just right. We spent our Saturdays and Sundays planting flowers and building the deck off of our house in time for those hot summer days to turn into cold fall nights. The prosperity of our new future was staring us right in the face and all we had to do was reach up and grab it.

It was the morning of August 17th, 2005 that my world would be changed forever.

Because at 28, no one ever tells you that you would hate ambulance rides. You would hate the feeling of EMT's regulating your breathing. You would hate the feeling of doctors and nurses plugging you up to IV's and draining blood from your system, running tests, then having more blood drained from your system. You would never be told that you hated the way that the walls in Saint Thomas Hospital looked or that the breathing tube plugged into your nose was uncomfortable. They would never tell you that the hospital gown that you once had to wear when giving birth to your daughter would now be a symbol of weakness. They would never tell you that there was something wrong with you or that you were too young to experience sadness. Or, that you might be sick for the first time in your life. Especially if you are like me. Healthy immune system. Got sick maybe once a year and even then I was only sick for a couple of days. I had never broken a bone, never had to have surgery. But somehow, my body had gone through this cycle where it had hated me.

The only comforting thing about being in this hospital room right now was the way Jax was holding my hand in his. I think he thought that I was pregnant. But, I knew that I wasn't. Although we haven't been trying to have another baby, I would have loved to be pregnant again. But these weren't the normal symptoms of pregnancy.

It had started about three weeks ago when I noticed a huge bruise on the back of my arm. I thought that I might have ran into something. I had been a klutz for as long as I could remember. But somehow, it hadn't went away. That and three other bruises accompanied other parts of my body. They stuck out like sore thumbs over my tan skin. The bruising wasn't the only thing that seemed off though. I had felt pains in all of my joints especially my lower back and knees. I had a huge nosebleed in the middle of an office meeting the other morning. I would wake up in the middle of the night with sweat pouring down my body, soaking not only my clothes but my side of the bed as well. I had gotten sick many of times only instead of mucus it was blood. Disgusting red blood that stared me in the face most mornings. And then, we had been outside in the backyard with my daughter when I fainted and became unconscious to the world around me. It was then that I knew I couldn't be pregnant. And it was far worse than that.

* * *

"Hi babe," I heard Jax's soothing voice greet me as I woke up in the hospital bed. I guess I had been out for a pretty long time.

"What happened?" I asked him. My chest was aching tremendously and I was falling short of being able to catch my breath.

"You fainted...in the backyard."

"Oh my god," I replied.

"Try not to speak. I'll get the nurse," he said. And he did this with a smile on his face. Like he was awaiting good news or something. Like he was expecting for them to come in and tell me that I was pregnant or that I was going to be okay. He pinged the red button to the side of my bed and I tried to reach for the glass of water next to me on the small, bedside table. Jax handed it to me, making sure that I had a firm grasp on it before I could drink out of the cup. It didn't help much though. My hands were already shaking by the time I pressed the pink plastic cup to my lips. Water came oozing down my entire body, soaking the entire front of my hospital gown.

"Good to see someone is finally up," I heard the comforting sounds of Dr. Meredith say as she made her way in through the door.

"Barely," I replied.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, entering into the room and closing the door behind her.

"Weak," I managed to choke out.

"That's to be expected. You hit your head pretty hard out there."

"I've always been a klutz," I replied, trying to make a joke out of it. By the look on her face though, I could tell this was no joke.

"Well," she said, grabbing the spare chair out from behind the oak desk and pulling it forward. "I'm sure you're wondering why you are here, right?"

"Kind of. I would really like to go home," I replied.

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Aubrey."

"I didn't hit my head that hard," I replied. Jax just sat there in silence.

"You didn't, but it's the fact that you fainted as to why we are keeping you here overnight for evaluation."

"Okay," I replied. I had been told a lot of bad things in my life: my parents were getting a divorce, my brother had died, JT had died, my mom died, Opie died, Jax was being deployed. I could count on several hands the bad things that I had been told in my life and they all sounded like the lyrics to a bad country and western song. But I don't think any of them were as worse as this.

She couldn't even tell me. She just shifted her clipboard from side to side. "Aubrey, there is something wrong with you."

"Like?" I asked her.

"There is no easy way to tell you this. Hell, I'm struggling to find words. We ran several blood tests on you. We took samples from the bruises on your arms, ran your bone marrow. I hate to be the one to tell you this, Aubrey...but..."

"But, what?"


	63. Chapter 63

Acute lymphoblastic leukemia is what they called it. But to me, it sounded more like a death sentence.

It's a form of leukemia, mostly common in adults. There really is no cure for it, other than having to go through chemotherapy and radiation treatment. I would lose weight. I would lose my hair. I would lose my job. I would lose the respect of most people around me. One thing that I never wanted to be known as was weak. I had been through far too much in my life to do any of that. The doctor had claimed that they caught it in time. I was in the beginning stages of having it. Cancer. The words still swarmed around my head like bad thoughts and no good thoughts could overcome them. They gave me some kind of prescription to help induce the vommiting. On top of that they bumped up my dosage of iron pills that I had already been taking for my anemia. My blood hated me.

* * *

When we arrived home the next day, I couldn't even look at Jax. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife. Though I wasn't feeling dizzy anymore, I was still in a lot of pain. Jax had picked up Aurora and sat her in the playroom amongst her Barbie Dolls and Polly Pocket toys. I knew he wanted to talk to me about what had happened in the past 48 hours.

"I can make you some soup? Maybe chicken broth?" he asked me as I took a seat at our dining room table.

"I'm just going to throw it up anyway, so why make you go through all of the trouble?"

"Opening up a can of broth is not trouble, babe," he replied as he began rummaging through the cabinets.

"Is Aurora okay?" I asked him. My daughter hadn't spoken even two words to me since the car ride home from my father's house. Smart move, Jax Teller for not taking her to Gemma's. I applauded him for that.

"She's fine. She was a little startled but I explained to her that everyone falls in their life."

"Yeah, but they aren't escorted off by ambulances."

"She thought you were going for a ride really quick."

"Jackson."

"I can't tell my daughter that you're sick, Aubrey. What the hell am I even supposed to do?"

"I don't know!" I exclaimed, trying to lower my voice to a minimal tone.

"You're a social worker. Isn't there a pamphlet for this?"

"I don't think so," I told him, as I sunk my head into my hands. I would give anything to fall asleep right here at the kitchen table.

"Goddamnit," he breathed, as he poured the broth into a pot on the stove.

"What am I supposed to tell her when I start losing my hair? When I start not being able to play outside with her or go on walks with her and Diesel?"

Jax breathed, staring down at the aimless pot of broth on the stove. "I don't know."

"She's going to think I'm weak."

"But you're not."

"I'm going to die, Jackson. I'm going to die before she turns five. I'm not going to be there to see her go to school or graduate. I'm not going to be there when she goes on her first date or gets married..."

"Stop! Aubrey, damnit," he said, throwing the spoon hard down on the counter. "Just stop. You are going to beat this. You are going to kick cancer's ass."

And, for the first time in my life how I wished Jackson Teller was right. I don't think I was going to kick cancer's ass. I think it was going to kick me in the ass.

* * *

As the afternoon progressed on, Jax came up with an idea. He had invited everyone over. No matter how much I bitched, moaned, wined, and complained about it the entire SAMCRO population would soon be greeting us at our front door.

Jax had went with the simple phrase of a "housewarming party." Was this where I was supposed to tell everyone that I had cancer? I was supposed to look into the eyes of guys that were double my age and tell them that I was dying? The guys that went off and killed people for a living, at that.

Jax had volunteered to make dinner. Simple keilbasa on the grill and his famous pasta salad. Aurora had helped him whip up a batch of cookies while I slept. By this point, I might as well sleep my entire life away.

I had decided to change into a long-sleeved cotton sweatshirt, jeans, and put my hair up in a ponytail.

"Mommy, help!" I heard Aurora yell from her room. I had tried to get in there as fast as I could but Jax beat me to it. I was still panting and out of breath, so I had to grab the door for support. My daughter had somehow managed to get her brush stuck in her thick, blonde hair. She had one of her infamous princess costumes on.

"Aurora!" Jax scolded her. "Didn't daddy say that he would do your hair for you?"

"But mommy does it better!" she said, stomping her little foot on the floor.

I smiled at Jax and kissed him on the cheek. "Go finish up dinner. I've got her,"

I replied, finally catching my breath. He kissed me back and made his way into the kitchen, picking up bits and pieces of Play-Doh as he walked. I heard him open up the hall closet and get the vacuum out.

"Baby girl, we have guests coming over. You can't wear your princess dress."

"Yes I can. It's Sunday and papaw wouldn't let me wear it yesterday."

"You can wear it twice next weekend if you let mommy change you. It's chilly outside baby girl."

"No!" she yelled.

"Aurora, grandma and grandpa are coming over and grandpa will make fun of you if you wear it. So will Uncle Tig."

"No!" she yelled at me again, stomping her foot on the ground.

"Aurora Sara-Beth!" I scolded back. "You are going to change and that's final."

"No!" she yelled again.

"Aurora!"

"No!" she yelled, knocking all of her fake kitchen food onto the ground.

"Do you want to go in the corner?" I asked her.

"No!" she replied back.

"If you don't change, you will go in the corner. So that everyone can make fun of you then. So, are you going to change or not?"

She tugged tight on the bottom of her princess dress and smiled at me. "No."

"Fine," I huffed and picked my daughter up.

"Mommy no!" she yelled, kicking her arms and legs in the air. "Mommy I'm sorry!"

"Two minutes in the corner," I replied, as I set her down in the living room facing the wall. Her pretty little blue eyes started to cry and that broke my heart in two.

"What is going on in here?" Jax yelled, as he entered into the living room. By this point, she was screeching.

"I put her in the corner."

"Why?" he asked me.

"Because, she wanted to wear her princess dress. She wouldn't change so I told her that if she didn't, she was going in the corner."

"Mommy, daddy I'm sorry!" she yelled.

"Aurora," Jackson said, as he came to her rescue. "Aurora, we have a lot of people coming over tonight. It's not your fault your mommy named you after a princess." I couldn't help but laugh. He turned her to face him, with tears streaming down her beat red face. "Baby girl, can you please change for daddy? What happened to the jeans and shirt that I had out for you?"

"I didn't get to wear it this weekend."

"That's okay honey. You have a lot of weekends where you can wear your princess dress. Would you change for daddy please? Everyone is going to be here soon. And they don't want to see you cry. They want you to be happy."

"But mommy is crying," she replied, pointing her finger at me. I really was. I felt horrible for scolding my daughter. I felt bad because I wouldn't let her wear her princess dress. How many more weekends would there be left for me to see her in it? Was that the only dress that I would ever be able to see her in?

"Mommy shouldn't be crying either. This is a happy day, guys! There's good food, everyone is coming over. Just be happy, okay?"

"I'm sorry mommy," Aurora said, as she made her way over to me.

"It's okay princess. It's not your fault," I replied, hugging her back. "Come on, let's go get ready. I'll braid your hair for you and put a pretty little flower clip in it," I replied.

As she scurried off to her room, Jax looked at me and smiled. "It's a good night, Aubrey Nevaeh. You're here, I'm here. We are going to have a great night. Okay?"

"Okay," I replied, kissing him on the lips.

"And you are going to beat this. You are the toughest woman that I know. And hell, I thought I was the tough one."

* * *

The dinner that night was fantastic, I'll have to admit. SAMCRO has changed so much over the years. The guys in attendance were normal, and I expected that. At the head of the table sat Jax, and to his right sat Clay. Next to him was Gemma, followed by Bobby. Juice and Happy were at the end of the table. Following that were Brantli, Braison, Alyssa, Chibs, and then myself. We set Paisley, Abby, and Aurora up at a little table next to us.

"Food looks great, Jackson. You outdid yourself," Gemma replied, as we began to pass the salads around the table.

"No, I didn't," he chuckled. "Just wanted to do something special for everyone."

"House looks great," Tig said, as I began to push the pasta salad around on my plate. I had to eat something other than broth. Anything. I was starving.

"Thanks," Jackson said. "But I can't take all of the credit. Aubrey really helped, too."

"It's nice to see you both smiling," Clay replied.

"I know," I told him.

"So, Aubrey. How is your non-profit going?" Juice asked me. Juice, Jax, and Brantli were really the only people that had known I wanted to start one up.

I smiled, as I took the tiniest bite of my kielbasa. At least the bun that it was in was tasty. "It's going pretty well."

"I didn't know you were thinking about starting something up," Clay spoke.

"Yeah," I replied, wiping the bit of ketchup away from my face. "It's like a grief counseling center. For people to go and attend grief sessions. A lot of the work I want to be voluntary. I'm still working out all of the details though."

"Do you have a name for it yet?" someone asked, and I don't quite remember who.

"Not yet. It'll come to me though. I can't start anything until I'm out of school."

"Which is?"

"She graduates with her masters in social work in the spring. Right?" Jax asked me.

"Yeah, and with my bachelor's in nonprofit and business, it qualifies me to open something like this. Even do grief counseling sessions of my own."

"Thats wonderful."

"Thank you," I replied.

"You've come a long way since wanting to be a journalist."

"I have," I laughed back.

"You still write?" Bobby asked me.

"Yeah, of course. All of the time," which was a lie but oh how did I want it to be true. I don't think I've written since the days of letters between Jax and myself. Maybe now I would be able to get back into writing since I was bound to lose my job.

We talked a little more about silly things: work, school for the kids, holidays that were fast approaching. We shared some good memories that we had had at past family dinners as well. It still stung that we left a seat open for Opie, my brother, and JT. I don't think I would ever not leave a seat open for them.

"I have an announcement, actually," Jax said as he stood up. He grabbed his glass in his hand and held onto mine with the other. "Aubrey and I have been through a lot these past couple of years. We really lost sight of ourselves and our love for one-another. So, on March 23rd which will be our tenth anniversary we are going to renew our vows."

There was an uproar of applause at the table. I'm so glad that he went with this news and not the news that I had stage 1 leukemia. At least I had something to look forward to as the months progressed to next March.

* * *

After dinner was finished and the kitchen was cleaned up, most of the guys had decided to head home. We had asked Gemma, Clay, Brantli, Juice and my brother and sister in law to stay behind. I didn't want to break this news to them. It was all beginning to be a bit much. I don't know if my brother could handle anything like this. I don't think Gemma could handle it either. I know I wasn't her favorite person in the world but I couldn't keep depending on my dad to take Aurora when our weekends were busy. I was going to need her help, just like I had been all of these years. Jax started a fire and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. My doctor had told me that drinking might cause the tumor to spread so I stuck with water.

"You don't want a beer?" I heard Alyssa ask as we sat around our small fire pit. By then, the sun had went down and the stars were the only things left in the sky. The summer night had turned crisp and the slight breeze in the air was calming. I knew I should have grabbed a jacket, but I didn't really think I would need one.

"No," I replied.

"What? Did you give it up or something?" Gemma asked me.

"No," I said, as I squeezed Jax's hand.

"She can't drink, mom."

"Oh my god. You're not."

"You're pregnant?!" Alyssa squealed. "Oh my God! I'm going to be an aunt again?!"

"No," I laughed back. "But, God do I wish."

"What is it then?" Brantli asked me and she was the only one that seemed deeply concerned.

I didn't even know how to start it. "On Friday, we were out planting flowers. I took a vacation day off from work and planned to make this whole big day out of it."

"It's too late in the season to plant flowers." Gemma said.

"We live in California," Juice replied back. Gemma just stared at him.

"And then, I fainted. I hit my head pretty hard on the ground and I was unconscious. An ambulance had to be called and everything."

"Probably from the heat," Clay replied as he sipped his beer.

I shook my head. "And I was in the hospital for a couple of days."

"Because you're pregnant. Did you have a miscarriage?" Alyssa asked me.

"Would you fucking let her finish? My god! She's not pregnant. She hasn't been pregnant. She has cancer, okay!" I heard Jax yell in a whisper tone.

Everyone kind of leaned back a little bit in her chair. I saw Brantli start crying out of the corner of my eye. Much did Jax. I think Gemma did, too. My brother nor Juice could say a single word. Alyssa just kept shaking her head.

"I'm not going to die," I told them faithfully. "I have accepted it. I start chemotherapy in a couple of weeks to try and see if we can get this shit out of me. From there, I should be able to go into remission."

"Holy hell."

"Between the red blood cells and the white blood cells there is something that is not right. But the doctor said that they are going to take care of me. There's a 6/10 chance that it won't come back. They caught it right in time."

"What are you going to do?" Gemma asked me.

"Well, we are going to cooperate with whatever the doctor is telling us to do. Chemo can take anywhere from 6 to 12 months to complete."

"You're going to get married without any hair?" my sister asked me.

"Yeah," I replied. "I sure am."

"Aubrey...what if. What if something doesn't go right?"

"I'll be okay."

"What if you die?"

"I'm not going to," I told them. "The doctors said that there is nothing more that can be done besides the chemo. My case isn't severe enough to be put on the transplant list for bone marrow."

Clay just shook his head. "And Jax, what are you going to do?"

What the hell did he mean by that? Jax better not be keeping another secret from me. I couldn't handle any more. I thought we were past those days.

"I'm going to be here with her through all of it," he breathed.

"So are we," Brantli said, as she came over to me. She held onto my hand. "Whatever you need, we are right here for you."

I stood up, and gave her a hug. And we actually all kind of gathered around the fire and gave one-another a hug. As we wiped the tears from our faces and sat back down in our chairs, I saw the kids come running full force towards us. Aurora gave me her million dollar smile and leaped into my arms.

"Can we make s'mores?" I heard Abby ask me. "I can teach Aurora how to make them."

"Only if you lick the marshmallows," Jax laughed.

As we gathered the things to make s'mores, we listened to music. We talked. We laughed. We watched the kids lick the marshmallows off of their hands and watched Jax get some caught in the bottom of his hair. That made me laugh harder than I had in a long time.

And I couldn't help but stop and think. How many more nights like this would I get with everyone? Whether I liked it or not, this was my family. And, whether I liked it or not this was the hand that I was dealt in life. I wasn't going to let cancer win this battle. I wasn't going to run from this and let it defeat me. I was going to fight this. Not only for me, but for my family. For SAMCRO. I was ready to kick cancer's ass.

If only it was that easy.


	64. Chapter 64

Do you remember how when you were a kid you would dread Sunday nights? You would sit around agonizing over the fact that you had to go to school early the next morning. Maybe you hadn't done your homework yet or built the diorama of the solar system for science class. And then you moved on to college and you just spent entire weekend partying and sleeping and didn't want it to end. But, you knew as soon as Monday rolled around it would be.

That's kind of like how anticipating chemotherapy was for me. It would all start on a Sunday, the most dreaded day of the week.

Sundays were the days that I got to distract myself from the hell that I was about to endure the following day. The treatments were bi-weekly, but you still anticipated it as every Sunday rolled around. Sundays were for staying in bed all day, watching silly movies with my husband and daughter, and trying to work my brain as much as I could to avoid everything happening the next day.

On Monday, I would sleep in a lot later than I normally would. I don't want to get up any earlier than I have to, but normally I end up doing it anyway. I think it's my internal "mom-alarm" from when I would wake up in the middle of the night to feed Aurora. I would pack up my purse with books and my MP3 player to pass the time in the waiting room. I usually never get time to read or listen to music anyway because the Benadryl that they give me knocks me right out. It's about a four hour process. They start your IV's and take your blood right away. They fill you with steroids, saline, and the Benadryl to make sure that everything is flowing through your system and get your body ready. The doctor's bring the chemo drugs up from the pharmacy downstairs and they are normally held inside of a green Ziploc bag. The nurses normally swab down my ports with rubbing alcohol. The IV's, too. I've learned to block not only this out but the taste of the saline too. When I'm having a bad day I'll sometimes think of the smell of the rubbing alcohol or the taste of the saline and do everything in my power to not vomit. The entire thing freaks me out sometimes. You don't really feel anything until about an hour after your are given the drugs. That's when your whole body feels like it's on fire. It comes from my chest and radiates out into my face. By Tuesday, I'm normally flushed red all over; my entire face and body turning this bright Crimson red color. My face is always puffy and hot. Sometimes, Aurora thinks I look like a squirrel storing their nuts away in their cheeks. That's how bad the puffiness is. My skin, too gets really soft. I haven't quite figured out why this happens yet either.

And then, the hiccups and indigestion begin. They're the double hiccups where you sound like a baby bird when they finally come out of your mouth. They push against my diaphragm and hurt me. They seriously hurt me as if my throat and chest are going to jump out of me. The indigestion is sharp and jagged. I'll normally eat and entire bottle of Tums to make this go away. The Tums don't help: they just taste like chalk and make matters worse.

The nausea too sets in immediately. It's as if all of these things come crashing down on me at once. The nausea is so powerful and so stinging that even the slightest move can make me sick. It's a sharp nausea: like the kind where someone is stabbing you in the stomach and wanting to reach in and grab your throat out of you. But despite that, you are hungry. Starving is more like it. You eat anything willingly. Including the nasty rice cakes and saltine crackers that Jax bought me from the grocery store three weeks ago. You eat them until the pain subsides, then you get sick again. You cry until you can eat again, then you get sick, then more crying. This normally lasts for about two days.

By Wednesday, your legs feel like Jell-O. You try to stand up but you can't without somehow wobbling side-to-side and falling down on your face. And then the exhaustion kicks in. And it's not even the "leave me alone, I've had a long week" exhaustion. It's like a cloud looming over your body, begging you to sleep for as long as you can.

By this point, my mind normally starts to fall apart. I can't remember people, faces, places, sentences. I'll sometimes lose track of my thought and have to start the statement over again. Jax and Aurora get extremely frustrated with this. Brantli, who has moved into the house to help us out, doesn't seem to mind much. She'll let me repeat things twenty times so that we can make it through one topic. This only lasts for about 48 hours. Normally by Friday or Saturday I'm back to feeling a little bit like my old self. We refer to this as "my good week" and sometimes they truly are. And then, there are some that aren't.

* * *

My first couple of times going to chemo, the process had not taken a toll on me yet. I would be fine. I could walk, talk, eat, and sleep on a normal schedule. It was by my fourth time that I began to feel like a sloth. It was also by the fourth week that I began to lose my hair.

It kind of just happened all at once. I woke up one morning, found a huge clump on my pillow, and I just started breaking down in tears. Jax had left for work hours ago and Brantil was probably out running errands. I gathered the hair up in my hands and I just bawl my eyes out. Over a silly little thing like hair! Who would have ever thought?

I don't waste much time getting up that morning. It was one of my good days so I could actually walk and stand in the shower versus taking a bath. I can actually keep down a simple bowl of dry cereal and a piece of toast. I turn on the television but I'm not really paying attention to it. Then, I begin to do some digging. I search first in the kitchen for a spare pair of scissors. Without luck, I rummage through the hall closet. Then the bathroom cabinets until I find what I'm looking for: Jax's electric clippers. He had to buy it back when he was in the Army and needed to keep his hair buzzed.

I was going to lose it all anyway, so why not shave it off right now?

"Freeze!" I hear someone yell behind me, as I begin to hold the clippers up to my long, dirty blonde hair. Out of the side of the bathroom mirror, I notice it's Brantli. She has bags of groceries in her hands and my daughter by her side.

"Leave me alone, Brantli," I reply. I never really noticed how heavy the clippers were. Maybe it's because my muscles have went to shit. It's hard for me to even hold a hair brush or open a simple bottle of water these days.

"Aubrey, what the hell are you doing?" she asks, moving closer to the bathroom.

"I said leave me the fuck alone!" I yell. This startles Aurora and she moves back a bit to cling onto Brantli's leg.

"I'm not going to let you do this."

"Why not? I found clumps of it on my pillow this morning? In the shower. I might as well get used to it now."

"You can barely lift those. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I'm not going to let this stupid chemo win. I'm going to do this at my own pace. Let me do this. Please."

She whispers to Aurora to go play in her room, and she does. Brantli begins to make her way over to the bathroom. Her 5'10 figure towers over me like it has for all of these years, and she just laughs.

"I can do it for you, you know. You don't have to do this alone." Those words sounded comforting to me. I knew that if I did it, I would probably mess it up. But how hard could it be to shave your entire head of hair? "Once you do this, you can't go back. I hope you know it."

I nod my head. "Just come on. Do it," I told her. She takes the clippers out of my hands and immediately makes a line straight down the middle.

"Holy shit," I breath to myself. I had never had short hair before. Well, except my bob cut. But back then it was in and all of the hair on top of my head was horrible living in the North Carolina heat.

"We aren't going to make this sad, okay? Give me one second. Do not touch the clippers." she begins to make her way over to the living room and loads up the CD player. Immediately out of the speakers I hear Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like a Woman!" and I start to smile. She wraps a towel around my head and finds the white powder stuff that Jax would always use when he did this. I think it was to prevent itching and burning on the back of his neck. She picks the clippers back up off of the bathroom counter and shaves off the right side and then the left. The only thing that I can feel after that are little stubs of brunette hair poking out of my scalp.

Brantli looks in one of the bathroom drawers until she finds a pair of professional hair scissors. She closers her eyes and grabs the neatly done ballerina bun at the top of her head. "1, 2, 3," she says, cutting it off immediately. The hair falls to the floor. I had never seen her with short hair, but she wears it well. She has the face for it. Her dirty blonde locks come to right below her ears. My daughter would have called it a fairy cut or something insane like that.

"Brantli!" I yell to her in amazement.

"What?" she asks, chuckling loudly.

I hear Aurora come out of her room, dragging one of her teddy bears behind her. "Are you playing beauty shop?"

Brantli smiles at her, and I know immediately what she is thinking. Please don't cut her hair! Her perfect, long, thick blonde hair. I loved doing her hair although I really haven't been able to in the last few weeks. "Yes we are."

"Can I play?" she asks, shuffling her feet back and forth.

"Yes you can," Brantli says, as she picks her up and sets her on the bathroom counter.

"How short do you want it?" she asks me, before cutting it.

"I don't want you to cut it at..."

"Oops!" she yells as she trims Aurora's hair to the bottom of her jawline.

"Brantli Rae!" I replied back to her.

"What?! It's just hair. It'll grow back," she replies as she finishes trimming up my daughter's shorter cut.

"Where did mommy's hair go?" she asks me, pointing to the top of my head.

"She decided to shave it all off," Brantli said.

"Why?" Aurora asked.

"It's complicated, sweet girl," Brantli replies. "Hey, you know what will make mommy feel better?"

"What?" she asks, smiling at the both of us.

"Come on," Brantli replies, taking her down from the counter. She grabs her little hand and leads her into the living room, myself following in tow. Brantli heads over to the CD player and turns the volume up on the next upbeat Shania Twain song. For the next couple of minutes, we begin to dance around the living room. It's just the three of us. For the moment, I pretend that I don't have cancer. I pretend that I'm not bald and that my daughter and best friend are happy. I pretend that there are many good days to come for all of us.

But please. If I said that, I would be lying. That was the last good day that any of us would have for a long time.

* * *

I don't see Jax until later that night. Aurora is settled in her bed, after being read three stories. After the eventful dance party that we had earlier, it was hard for her to settle down for the night. Brantli and Juice decided to go out for a couple of beers and I'm sitting at home, snuggled up on the couch watching the latest episode of One Tree Hill on television. My eyes are getting heavier and I could feel myself fall asleep any moment.

Jax tries to open the door as quietly as he can upon his entrance into our home. He takes off his tennis shoes and his kutte and makes his way over to me. He doesn't seem to notice my lack of hair and kisses me on the lips anyway.

"You have a good day?" I ask, muting the television.

He shrugs his shoulders. "It was alright."

"Notice anything different about me?"

"Not really. Still as beautiful as ever," he smiles. "I'm going to take a quick shower then head to bed."

"I was thinking about doing the same," I told him, turning the television off completely. I make my way into our bedroom soon after and turn on our bedside table lamp. Jax hops in the shower as I open up my notebook. The blank pages are just staring me in the face. Where do I even begin to start? What was I even writing in the first place? I set the notebook back down on the floor as Diesel joins me up on the bed. He snuggles up on my feet and lets out a huge sigh. I retreat to my book on the side of the bed. It's another Nicholas Sparks book. I don't remember reading any of it. I hated that my mind was like this. I re-read the last chapter, hoping that it would jog my memory a little bit.

I don't even notice when he gets out of the shower. He's so quiet, the way that he enters into the bedroom. The only way that I even knew he was there was by the scent of his body wash filling the air. I look up from my book, and pull my reading glasses off of my face. I don't notice it at first, but when I do I can feel tears well up in my eyes.

Jax buzzed his hair.

"Jackson," I tell him.

"What?" he asked. "I guess short hair cuts are in."


	65. Chapter 65

**_December, 2005_**

_Aurora and Harley,_

_Do you remember what I told you about bad days? You take them with the good and hope to God that there are better days waiting for you around the corner. That's what my life had come to at this point. A never ending wait for good days to loom again. One of the worst days that I had when I was sick had to be the day that we told you exactly what was going on with me, Aurora. Your questions had become too much for all of us to handle. That was also the day that my life as an old lady of SAMCRO would change forever._

It was early in December when the chemo began to take over my entire body. My symptoms seemed to worsen over time. There was a point that I actually believed I was going to die. That if the cancer didn't kill me, the drugs that were supposed to be curing it would.

I didn't have good weeks anymore as my days all began to clump together. And on the morning of December 5th, 2005 my world came to a halt once again.

I had began to wake up later and later in the day. Some days, I wouldn't move out of bed at all. That morning though, something triggered my mind to wake up particularly early. It was around nine or so. I could still smell the coffee in the air that had been brewed hours ago and it mixed with the new smell of Pledge that lingered in the air. As I made my way out of bed, nearly tripping over my own feet, I walked into the living room. It took me a moment to grasp what was going on. Gemma was in the living room, dusting everything down. She was currently working on one of the shelves in the corner of the room that was lined with different pictures and knick-knacks.

"Morning," she told me sweetly as she set down the paper towels in her hands.

"Morning," I replied.

"I made some coffee if you'd like."

"I can't have caffeine," I replied. I hadn't had coffee or a soda in months. I longed for the sweet taste of it. I couldn't taste anything these days. My taste buds had went to complete shit.

"Oh," she told me back. "Decaf maybe? Tea? I could get you some water?"

"Gemma, I'm fine," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Cleaning," she told me. "Jackson asked me to come over and clean up."

"You always clean when there's something bad going on," I told her, remembering back to the days when John would leave to go to Belfast. She had cleaned out the entire attic and drawers in the kitchen. One time, I could have sworn she got up on the roof to get the leaves out of the gutters.

"No I don't," she laughed.

"Gemma, yes you do. What's going on? You haven't been over since I started treatment."

"I know, and honey I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to apologize," I replied. "I know I'm a downer right now."

"I figured I would come over and help you out," she said, getting back to her frantic dusting.

"Gemma, come on. I'm a big girl. You can tell me anything."

She sat her paper towel down. "I brought over some medical. Figured it might help with the pain and shit. Wanna smoke it with me?"

"Isn't it illegal?"

"When has that ever stopped you from smoking before?" she chuckled.

I shrugged my shoulders and headed over to the dining room table with her. She took the medical out of the bill bottle and began to roll a joint.

"This is weird," I laughed.

"What? Is it 'cause I'm old?"

"No, it's because I've known you since I was a little girl."

"Your husband has known me longer. We smoke together all of the time," she says.

I couldn't help but laugh at that either. "Gemma, why are you being nice to me? Is it because I'm sick?"

"No, Aubrey. It's not," she replied. "You're right. Everything that you told me back when you and Jax were going through shit this year was right. I drove John away. I would do anything to get him back now."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, as she lit the joint.

"Shits complicated," she tells me. "Club shit."

"What did you hear?" I asked her.

She passed me the joint. "I don't even know how to tell you this. I don't even know where to begin. Do you remember when we came up with that plan to get you guys out of Charming?"

"Yeah, like freshman year."

"Well, you know how they killed the guy that killed Colton, right?"

"Yeah," I replied, as I took a hit and passed it back to her.

"Well," she started. "Apparently that guy they killed was an undercover narcotics cop."

"And?" I asked her. Why was this being brought to light now? It's been a little over fourteen years. Holy shit. Fourteen years? No. No way.

"Well. They decided to re-open the cold case. Unser filled me in on everything. And, apparently the guys at the scene put everyone in the club there. Except for a few. They were able to identify Clay. And Bobby, Tig, Chibs."

"Shit," I breathed.

"I don't know what's going to happen. They're in church right now. But honey, it's not looking good. They could face serious jail time."

"Didn't Clay actually kill him though?"

"The other guys were witnesses. They were accomplices."

"What's going to happen?" I asked her.

"Well, the guys are going to have to turn themselves in."

"Did they identify anyone else at the scene? Any of the prospects?" I had to think hard. I couldn't remember any of the guys in the club back then. Most were either still in, dead, or in prison already.

"Yeah," she said, taking an even bigger hit off of the joint. "Your husband."

* * *

It was hard to believe that there were people out there that didn't like my husband. That there were people that actually wanted to see him dead or suffer. I wasn't able to move after Gemma told me those words. My husband was in Venice with us the entire time that was going on. How was someone able to place him at the scene? Maybe they just got confused and mixed up and meant JT? But there was no such reason. JT was in Belfast. And even if he was the scene of the crime, they couldn't throw him in jail. He had been dead for fourteen years, too. God how could Clay be such an idiot?! How could he actually kill an undercover cop?

I could read it in Jax's face as he walked through the door after Gemma and I smoked. She was right. The pounding migraine that I had for the past couple of days was gone. I couldn't eat, but I didn't feel nauseous anymore. She had left an hour ago and I was alone with my thoughts.

"You're going to jail?" I asked him. I don't know how those were the first words out of my mouth. But, they were.

"Aubrey."

"For something that you didnt do?"

"Who told you?"

"Your mom. She was here all morning cleaning."

"That's not what I wanted her to talk to you about," he said, making his way over to the table.

"What are we going to do, Jax? You can't go to jail. I'm not working right now. Brantli is just doing clerical work at TM. That doesn't pay for much. We are struggling to make the house payments, pay bills."

"I have a really good lawyer," he replied. "One of the best in the country."

"Jax, that doesn't mean shit. You weren't there! I was with you that entire weekend."

"I know, honey. I know."

"You're going to have to go to trial."

"I know," he replied. "We are going to be okay, I promise."

"No we aren't! Because whose to say once you get out you're not going to go back to doing this outlaw shit?"

"Look. With Clay gone, it's our chance to get out of Charming. I can become president and get us out of Charming. We can live a normal life."

"Jax, that's not going to work. You know SAMCRO is never going to get out of guns."

"We might. We might be able to," he says.

"God, why now? Why now of all days?" I said, as I gripped onto his hand. "I'm sick, Jax. Who's to say that something is going to go wrong and when you get out I'll be dead?"

"Don't say that, Aubrey. The treatment is working for you. The doctor's even said. You should be in remission within the next couple of months..."

"Without you," I replied. "What am I supposed to tell Aubrey?"

"I don't know," he said, sighing. "But, whatever we tell her we need to do it together."

"We should just tell Gemma. Tell her about Clay ordering the hit on you and tampering with JT's bike! She'll believe us, Jax. That wasn't some kind of freak accident. Her current husband killed your father. Your dad, Jax! The proof is in the letters!"

"I don't have the letters between him and Maureen anymore, babe. I don't know where they went. Someone came and took them when they realized that I was telling you all of that shit. There's no way to prove that I came to Venice with you."

"I'm not going to let you sit in jail for something that you didn't do."

"There's no other way out of it. We have protection in county. I will be okay."

"How long?" I asked him.

"Two years, maximum. Trial normally takes a long time."

"Two years?!" I exclaimed. "Two fucking years?! Jackson, I just got you back! God, what about all of the things that we planned to do? The promises that we made to one-another! Does that mean anything?!"

"It means everything, Aubrey! And you know that. Everything that we have promised each other means so much more than sitting behind a jail cell."

"When do you turn yourselves in?"

"6pm this evening," he said, playing with my cold fingers.

"I don't even know what to say."

"When does Aurora get home?" he asked, changing the subject.

"She should be home around three."

"Let's talk to her then. We should sit down, get a plan together. My mom will help. Brantli and Juice will help. You're not alone through this, babe."

"Yeah? And I'm not with you either. I just got you back. How can I lose you again?"

* * *

That afternoon, Brantli and Aurora came through the door as always. They both had smiles on their faces, unaware of what was going on at this current moment.

"Mommy! Mommy! I picked these for you!" she yelled, skipping over to the couch. Brantli laughed, as Aurora handed me a bushel of weeds from the front yard. I would never tell her that they were weeds. I just smiled, and kissed her on her forehead.

"They're beautiful," I told her.

"Sweet girl, why don't you have daddy get you a cup of water to put those in?" Brantli asked, ushering her over towards Jackson. Aurora made her way over to the kitchen when Jax stood. He was cooking one of the last meals that we would have together in two years.

"Why do you look more mopey than usual?"

"You didn't hear?"

"I heard," she said.

"And now we have to tell Aurora."

"She's been asking a lot of questions, Aubrey. Mostly to me. She'll ask why you're sleeping all of the time and always sick. I've ran out of shrugs to give her. She's my goddaughter. I can't keep things from her."

"Maybe I should tell her."

"You're going to tell her that her father is going to prison and that you have cancer in the same day?"

"Sure, why not? Come on, Brantli. She's three. She can't comprehend everything."

"Yes she can! She's a smart girl, Aubrey. She's going to know. She's going to know something is going on."

"Well, then it won't be so hard for her to comprehend everything at once."

We ate in silence that afternoon. It was just soup and sandwiches, but somehow I managed to eat it all on the plate in front of me. If I wasn't feeling sick before, I sure was now. Especially now that I had eaten? I was going to be sick for the entire day.

"Mommy, we learned the colors today," she said, gloating about her day at preschool.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! And I remembered them all, 'cept for yellow 'cause I don't like that color. And then we fed the fishies in the tank and we played on the swings and I slid down the slide."

"Someone had a good day," Jax smiled at her.

"Yeah! Can I go play in my room?"

"Actually, sweet girl we all need to talk to you about something."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, honey. Of course not," I told her.

"Okay."

"So, do you remember if you asked me if grandpa Clay was a superhero? Like Grandpa JT?" Jax asked her.

She nodded her head. "Yes."

"And you know how there are super villains. Like The Joker or Cruella de Ville, right?"

"Uh huh," she replied.

"Well, honey grandpa Clay is a super villain. And daddy has to go fight some crime for a little bit. But he will be back."

"How long will he be gone for?"

"He's going to be gone for about two years or so. It's this big mission that he has to go on and they have to take him away so that he can handle it for a little bit."

"Does he have to go to war again?"

"No, honey. He is just going a couple of towns over."

"No," she told me, her eyes filling up with tears. "I don't want daddy to go!"

"Honey, he has to. He doesn't have a choice."

"Baby girl," Jackson said, as he got up from his chair when he saw her crying. "Aurora. Please don't cry sweetheart. I'll be back, I promise you. I have to go keep everyone safe."

"Why do they need you now? Mommy is sick."

Jax looked at me, and I wanted so bad to hide the fact that I was crying, too. "Yes, honey. Mommy is sick. She has something called cancer."

"Do you have to go fight the cancer?" Aurora asked us.

"No, honey. I don't. Your mommy is a superhero too. She's the one that was assigned to stay home because she is sick. She needs to be here to take care of you. So, me and Uncle Tig and Uncle Bobby and Uncle Chibs have to go fight crime and try to stop grandpa for a little bit. But I promise you that we will be back."

"Why is mommy sick?"

"It happens, honey. When you get older, sometimes things just happen to adults. And cancer is one of them. But I'm getting help for it and I should be all better when daddy comes home."

"Is that why you sleep all of the time and you don't want to play anymore?"

I nodded my head. "But I'm feeling a little better today. Is there something that you want to do before daddy goes off?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed, as Jackson wiped the tears away from her eyes. "You all can follow me when I tell you to," she says, as she runs off to her room.

"She's going to ask a lot of questions, you know."

"I know, Brantli. I know."

"We can all help her. We will take good care of her, Jax. I promise," Brantli replied.

When Aurora called us into her room, she had all of her stuffed animals set up on the floor. She wore one of her princess costumes and had a little tea party set up for us. We all couldn't help but laugh as we dressed in the props that she had put aside for us and began to sip the fake tea from her ceramic cups. I knew that she was going to have a ton of questions. But I was prepared for them. I was prepared to be the one to play Barbies and house and tea party with her. She was my daughter. A spitting image of my husband. And although I'm sure she was hurting right now too, she didn't show it. She just continued to be a great princess tea party host. The way that I always wanted her to be. Is it wrong to say I didn't want her to grow up? Because if it is then so be it. I never wanted her to go through what all of us adults were going through right now.

* * *

At 5:30, we piled into the SUV and made our way to the clubhouse. All of the guys were outside, huddling around the small picnic table. Aurora made her way out of the car and ran over to Tig immediately. She had taken a real liking to him. Tig was a little bit of a twisted minded son of a bitch, but I loved him too. The only good thing out of all of this was that Braison wasn't identified at the scene. There was no way to plant him there, although he was. I knew for a fact that he was. How was it fair that my husband was being taken away from me but my brother wasn't? My brother would get to continue to watch his children grow and spend time with his wife. My husband that wasn't even there would be hauled off to county soon. At least I knew the club would be in good hands. My brother always had a sense of leadership about him.

The mood between all of us didn't change much when the six cop cars showed up to TM. We all knew it was coming, but it still stung when they came out of their cars.

"Hi fellas," Unser said to them as he stepped out of one of the patrol cars. "Think it's real good that you're turning yourselves in," he said.

The guys nodded. Unser made his way over to Jax.

"Say your goodbyes, son. Something that officer Donahue didn't get to do," he replied.

Jax nodded his head. This was not his fault. None of it was. "I love you, Aubrey. I'm so sorry we were never able to do anything that we wanted to."

"What are you talking about? When you get out, we have our entire lives in front of us. This will all be over soon. I love you, Jackson. Stay safe."

He cupped my head in his hands and kissed me sweetly on the lips. We did one more for good measure. I was going to miss those kisses so much.

He grabbed Aurora out of my hands. "You keep mommy smiling, okay? Talk to her. She loves you. Daddy loves you too, princess. I'll be home soon."

She didn't say anything to him, she just gave him a hug. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Gemma holding onto Clay for dear life.

"Jackson Teller, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can and will be held against you in a court of law," Unser began, as he slid the handcuffs on Jax's wrists. When he finished the reading of his Miranda Right's, Unser began to slide his head into one of the patrol cars.

"Go get the bad guys daddy! I love you!" I heard Aurora tell him, as she hid her head in my shoulder.

Some days, I wished my husband actually was a superhero. It would make everything so much simpler to deal with.


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N: This re-write came to me in a dream and so did most of the rest of the story. Sorry about this! Let me know what you think...I was so sick of writing sad stuff! Also, I had three essays due last night so this took a little longer than expected. Love you guys! You're honestly the best! **

* * *

**_December, 2005_**

_Aurora and Harley,_

_The late, great Tammy Wynette once said to "stand by your man. And show the world you love him. Keep giving all the love you can." Tammy Wynette was a wise woman, but please. The next couple of months wouldn't even be like standing by your man. It would be like stand beside your man while every bullet possible comes your way._

December was coming to a close a lot sooner than any of us had ever thought it would. While the weeks just seemed to drag on, it really had only been about 17 days since Jax had been carted off to prison. Sometimes, if I let my mind wander for a long time, I would find myself thinking about all of the horrible things that were going on inside of county. There were horrible things going on here, too. Gemma had moved in for starters. While she wasn't as horrible as prison was, it was like my own personal prison here.

She never really realized how sick I actually was until she took me for my chemotherapy treatment a couple of days after Jax had been sent into the slammer. She watched me get poked and pecked with all of the needles. She watched the drugs take over my body, watched my throw up, sleep all of the time, and push the food that she made lifelessly around my plate. She had taken over a lot of the things that Brantli would do, for starters. She would make sure that Aurora was taken to school every morning, that she had a lunch packed, and that she was being read to every night. I knew that I was sucking as a mother right now and there was nothing that I could do about it. I just laid in bed, unable to move. The effects of the treatment were harsh this time around and I wanted so bad to just stop it all. But I knew I had to keep fighting. Especially when I was being examined by Gemma under a microscope.

When the days leading up to Christmas rolled around, it didn't even feel like the holidays here. Our last Christmas had been so magical and I longed for those days back so bad. If I had a time machine to take me back to the end of last year for a couple of hours, I would go right away. No questions asked.

On one of my better days, I decided to finally meet with the lawyer that Jax hired. She wanted to meet at county so that I would be able to see Jax, too. I hadn't slept at all in the hours leading up to seeing him. Although it had only been a couple of weeks, it was the first time that I was going to be seeing him. And that was weighing heavy on my heart and my mind.

* * *

County is probably one of the most depressing places that I have ever been to. The outside was falling apart, being held together by a shitty foundation. The inside was even worse. I was playing the grief card today. I had worn a really nice blazer and pair of pants, wrapped a pink headscarf around my scalp to hide my little stubbles of hair that didn't want to grow back and an orange ribbon over my heart. As I made my way inside, I met up with Adelaide Palmer. She looked almost double my age, but didn't look a day over 21.

"You must be Aubrey," she said, standing up to smooth out her pencil skirt.

"I am," I replied, shaking her hand. "And you must be Adelaide. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," she said, smiling sweetly at me. "Shall we proceed?"

"Yes, of course."

She led me back into one of the interrogation rooms. A guard was keeping post outside of a door and offered to get us something to drink. She requested coffee, and I told him that just a water was fine. We sat across from each other and the blue plastic chair felt cool scaring my body.

"Cancer?" she asked.

"That obvious?"

"I had it too. I'm a survivor myself. Breast. Got a mastectomy and had the left one completely removed."

"Leukemia. Stage one. They were able to catch it early."

"That's a good thing. But it's gotta be tough. With Jackson in here and all."

"It is. But someone once told me that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers."

"That's good advice to live by," she replied. "I did review everything that you faxed over to us. Jax had his first hearing the other day and they are working out a plea deal right now. With the witness testimony..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your father. He came and testified. You didn't know about that?"

"No," I said, letting out a deep sigh. "I did not know about that."

"Everything went really well. I meet with the DA and the judge after this. If all goes right, your husband should be home in time for Christmas."

"Oh," I replied back. "Will I still get to see him today?"

"Yes, of course. He has visitation. Everything went good, Aubrey. You don't have anything to worry about."

"And the other guys?"

"A bond has been set for Phillip, Alexander, and Robert. For Clarence though, there's nothing getting him out of this one."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when a bond has been set, anyone can post bail. It was set at 25,000 for all three of them. That's combined. Individually, you're looking at about $8300. And then for Clay, well he pleaded not guilty. But the judge didn't believe him of course. And neither did the opposing lawyer. There was no bond set, and he goes to trial again in February."

"Wow," I replied.

"I know it's a lot to take in. But he doesn't have an alibi or anyone that is willing to testify. It's going to be a lot harder to get him out. If he ever does come out."

"That's insane," I said, letting my professionalism slip away for a moment. As we talked for a couple more minutes. She explained to me how it would work if everything did go well. We talked a little about our personal lives as well. I let it all soak in. I knew the steps that I needed to take. Finally, I got sick of talking and asked her if I could see my husband. She told me of course and had a guard escort me to an even smaller room. It was set up kind of weird. There was a piece of glass separating myself and him with phones connected to both sides. It was a little bit of a wake up call as my husband entered into the room. He was escorted in by two guards on each side of him, and had handcuffs around the front of his wrists. He wore a bright orange jumpsuit and I couldn't help but ponder how he didn't belong in those clothes. In that ensemble. He took a seat and the guard warned us that we only had ten minutes. I picked up my phone, and he picked up his as well.

"Hi babe," he told me.

"Hi," I breathed into the receiver.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing okay. I just miss you. I miss you so much Jackson."

"I miss you too, Aubrey. I feel horrible. You don't deserve this. To come see me here like some kind of convict."

"I know," I replied. "But it'll all get better. You'll be home soon."

"You deserve so much better, baby. You truly do."

"Let's not think about that right now. How did the trial go the other day?"

"It went well. Your father came in."

"How did he know?"

"I called him. I needed to call someone, Aubrey."

"And you didn't call me? Why not? I could have testified."

"Because baby, you're my wife. The court would have bought your story of course. But they might have also thought you were lying."

"Don't involve my father in these things. Okay? He doesn't need to know what's going on in my life. He doesn't reach out anymore."

"I know, Aubrey. He says he's sorry for it."

"He can't save me all of the time," I said, sighing.

"How's Aurora?" he asked.

"She's good."

"Mom?"

"She's doing well, too. She's been a huge help. Juice moved in as well. Our house is way over capacitated."

"That's a good thing though. They're family. They're supposed to help out."

Awkward silence for a moment. "I know."

"There's something else on your mind."

"Bond has been set for Chibs, Tig, and Bobby."

"I know."

"So I was thinking..."

"Absolutely not."

"Jax," I replied.

"This is their own problem. You can't keep saving everyone baby. We are swimming in debt from the chemotherapy."

"We can take a second mortgage out on the house."

"I can't let you do that."

"Why not? They're family," I replied.

"Aubrey."

"Jackson."

"What am I going to do with you, crazy girl?"

I chuckled. "I don't know."

He held his hand up to the glass and I placed mine on it as well. I never realized how big his hand was compared to mine. I wanted to bad for there not to be a piece of glass separating us. And one day, there will be.

* * *

Christmas Eve grocery shopping should be outlawed in every state. Gemma had decided we needed to throw a party after I posted bail for three of our favorite outlaws. We needed to wrap all of the good things that were happening into one day, and what better way to do that than a Christmas Eve party at our house? There was a better way to do it. Gemma had a nice house. A bigger house. One that didn't have cancer creeping around the corner and pictures on the wall from faded, broken memories. Gemma's house had food and alcohol already. But knowing her, we needed more.

I couldn't tell you the last time that I was at a grocery store, but I complained the entire ride there. When we actually entered into the Piggly Wiggly down the street, I just stared. My mind had been acting weird today. Playing tricks on me. There was one moment when we were at the gravesite that I actually thought I saw Opie lurking around the old oak tree in the middle of the cemetery. And now all I could do was stare at the food and alcohol that I knew I would be unable to consume.

Gemma did most of the talking and it was primarily to herself. She kept saying what we needed and going over and over it again in her head. My mind found me back at Jax. I felt horrible that he wasn't coming home for his favorite holiday. He wouldn't get to see his daughter open presents on Christmas morning. He wouldn't get to see how excited she was when she opened up the Power Wheels car that we got her or the Barbie Spa. He wouldn't get to sing corny Christmas carols with us or string popcorn on the tree.

I had taken the fact that it was our fourteenth anniversary yesterday into consideration. It still hasn't felt like we have been together for that long. But dates like that just don't escape your mind.

As we began walking out of the chip aisle, I felt the shove of a cart slam into ours. "Hey! Watch where you're going asshole!"

"My apologies," he said to us. We went our way, beginning to pick up different meats, cheeses, and crackers as we walked.

We finished up our shopping with only a couple of hours to spare. We knew everyone was going to be coming to my house around 7pm, and as 5 was creeping closer I felt so unprepared. I hated that Gemma did shit last minute. I hated when anyone did stuff last minute. I wasn't a last minute type of person.

"Gemma! I thought you said that you started the car!" I yelled as we made it out to her maroon Suburban.

"I did!" she yelled.

"When?" I asked. It was freezing outside and the snow was beginning to pound down on the car and the cement sidewalk in front of us.

"About ten minutes ago, when we checked out."

I went to the driver's seat of the vehicle and put the key in the ignition. I turned it, but nothing. The car wouldn't start. That could only be one of two things: the alternator was blown or the battery was dead. Just our luck.

"Son of a bitch!" I yelled.

"What?"

"I don't know, Gemma. How much do you know about a car?"

"Enough. Move, let me pop the hood," she replied. I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket of my peacoat and opened it up. Dead. What the hell else could go wrong? The parking lot was bare and the only vehicle in sight was that of a 1962 royal blue Chevrolet Impala. I prayed that the owner of the vehicle would come out soon.

We took a seat on the hood of the vehicle. My ass was soaked with the newly fallen snow and my whole body was trembling.

"Is your cell phone working?" I asked her.

"Dead. Yours?"

"Dead," I sighed. "There's gotta be a pay phone or something."

"I'll go inside and see if they have a phone that we can use," I told her. I hopped off of the hood and began the dreadful walk inside. Once in, I darted for the customer service desk. I noticed a gentleman standing not too far away. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a one of those Grandpa cardigans. He was tall and kind of lanky, couldn't have been older than about 50 or so. He wore his salt and pepper hair well. It was in a mess on his face and lined most of his chin and face.

"Can I help you?" the lady behind the counter asked me.

"Hi, yeah I was just in here. Our car battery died. Is there any way that I can borrow a phone?"

"Sure," she told me, handing me the ancient telephone behind the desk. "Dial 91 before you dial the number."

"Thank you," I replied grabbing the phone off of it's docking stand. I pressed it to my ear and tried to call Brantli, but no luck. It went straight to voicemail. I handed her back the phone and smiled.

"You guys need a jump?" I heard the voice ask behind me. It had a Spanish esque tone to it.

"Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you."

"Don't worry about it, hermosa."

"Aubrey," I replied. I wasn't too sure what hermosa meant. Hopefully something good.

"Nero," he replied, shaking my hand. We began to make our way outside as the snow continued to come down. "The Suburban yours?"

"Yes," I replied. "You're the guy that ran into our cart, right?"

"I am," he laughed. "What's a young girl like you driving a Suburban?"

"Oh, it's not mine," I chuckled. "It's my mother in laws."

"Ah, okay. Wait right here, I'm going to go grab some jumper cables from my trunk," he replied, carrying his bags of groceries over to the Impala. I made my way to the Suburban and told Gemma that someone was going to jump her vehicle. Nero made his way back over to us in his vehicle. He parked it right in front and opened up the hood.

"What's this asshole doing here?"

"Gemma!" I exclaimed. "It was an accident."

"I'm coming to your rescue," he said.

She shrugged it off, as he connected the jumper cables to each battery. I started up the vehicle, but no luck.

"I think it's the alternator. Try one more time," he said.

I turned the key again and heard it make the same "phmmmp phmmmp" sound that it was making before.

"You might have to call a tow truck," he said.

"Anyone at TM?" I asked.

"Nah, but I can call one of the guys.

"I can take you back to your house. If you want."

"No, Nero. That's okay. You've done enough."

"It's Christmas Eve. I'm sure you ladies have a family that you want to get back to."

"I couldn't let you do that," I replied.

"You don't have to let me do anything," he chuckled.

"I'll tell you what. We let you take us back to our house but you stay for our Christmas Eve party. How does that sound?" Gemma asked him.

"There's going to be food, music. Plenty of drinks. We promise we aren't some kind of killers. Everyone is really nice," I said.

"Deal," he laughed.

"What was your name again?" Gemma asked him. She smiled, almost looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Nero," he replied. "And you are?"

"Gemma," she replied. She stuck out her hand for him to shake and he kissed the top of it.

I guess I should have warned Nero about Gemma while we were inside. That the Queen of Charming of course is always up to no good. But of course, I didn't. I don't think there was much time to warn anyone.

* * *

Once we arrived back at the house, I wasn't too sure how the night was going to go. Brantli was running around like crazy trying to prepare all of the food while Juice sat in the living room occupying my daughter. We told Nero that it was okay for him to take his shoes off upon entry.

"Make yourself at home. Everyone else does," I chuckled. He continued to stand around with his hands in his pocket, observing the house. "You want something to drink? We have beer, wine, liquor..."

"Water is fine, hermosa," he smiled as I made my way into the kitchen. Brantli and Gemma were gushing: probably over Nero. The kitchen smelt of country ham and spiced apples; two of my favorite Christmas Eve dishes.

"What're you guys talking about?" I asked, opening up the fridge.

"That guy in there. You can't just invite strangers over!" Brantli screeched.

"Hey, come on. He helped us get back here after someone wouldn't answer their phone."

"I was cooking! Besides, why wouldn't you call your own damn house phone?"

"Oh, gee. I didn't think about that one," I replied sarcastically.

"I think he's cute. He seems sweet," Gemma said.

"Gemma."

"What? Aubrey, I'm not a child. I know how to handle myself."

"What about Clay?"

"What about him? He's facing life in prison. That doesn't mean that I have to as well," she said, sticking the pan of Julienne potatoes in the oven.

I grabbed two bottles of water and rolled my eyes, making my way back into the living room. Nero was seated on the floor, beside the Christmas tree. Aurora was twirling around the living room in her green tutu party dress.

"Honey, why don't you say hi to our guest?" I asked her.

She sighed. "Mommy who is that?"

"I'm Nero," he replied, inching closer to her. Aurora plopped down on the floor and began fiddling with the straps on her dress shoes.

"I'm Aurora," she said, smiling back.

"It's nice to meet you, hermosa. Do you know what that means?"

She shook her head. "No."

"It means 'beautiful' in Spanish."

"Oh," she said, smiling.

"How old are you?"

"I'm this many," she said, sticking up three fingers. "How old are you?"

"I don't think you have enough fingers for that," he said, laughing.

"Are you a friend of my daddy's?"

"He's a friend of mommy's," I told her, as he began to piece the puzzle together in his head.

"Do you know my daddy too then? He's off fighting crime. He's a superhero," she said, smiling widely. "I asked Santa if he could come home for Christmas and if mommy could get all better."

"Baby, why don't you go get one of your coloring books and show Nero all of the pretty pictures that you made?" I asked her. She stood up and began to skip to her bedroom.

"Fighting crime, huh?"

"Key word for prison," I said, as I began to fiddle with one of the ornaments on the Christmas tree.

"Case of the blues, huh? Missing your husband? I can tell. I don't think I've seen you smile once."

"I'm used to him going off. He served nearly two tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. He did a tour in Germany, too," I started. "Tonight though, I've got a case of the leukemia."

"Aubrey, I am so sorry. That's gotta be tough."

"It is, but I'm learning to adjust. You have to deal with the cards that are given to you in life, I guess."

"Life is rough sometimes. I've got a son Aubrey's age. Completely paralyzed. Ex did drugs the whole time that she was pregnant."

"Nero, I'm sorry," I said quietly. Juice had long since made his way outside for a cigarette.

"It's alright. Did a couple of years in prison myself. Is he in county?"

"Yeah," I told him. "He should be home though. He didn't kill that officer. They decided to open up a cold case from fourteen years ago."

"Ah," he said, opening up the water bottle and taking a long sip of the beverage. "I was in for drugs."

"Wow," I replied.

"Cleaned myself up. Had to. Needed to be there for my son."

"And you should be. I used to be a real hard partier. I can't remember the last time I went out for a drink since Aurora was born."

"How long have you been married to him for?"

"It'll be ten years in March," I told him. "We got married real young. I was seventeen. He was eighteen."

"Young love is the best love. How long have you known each other for?"

"Almost twenty years," I replied.

"That's the kind of invincible love, hermosa. I'm sure he will be home soon."

"I hope so," I replied. "She's such a daddy's girl. Looks just like him. That's how I know Gemma. I'm married to her son."

"I see," he said.

"Gemma's always been like a second mother to me. She's a good woman. Ruthless, but I love her a lot."

"I can tell. She moved in?"

"To help out with everything. The chemo sucks me in when it happens. I become weak for days."

"Is today a good day for you?"

"Cancer wise, yes. Family wise, no."

"Why not? You have a house full of people. Good food, from what I can smell. You've got a daughter that seems to be happy about everything. It's Christmas Eve. You should learn to smile, hermosa. I can tell you've got one of those infectious smiles. Might change someone's whole day around if you did that."

Aurora made her way back into the living room. She placed her coloring book down as Nero and I began to talk a little more. She started spinning her dress again.

"Aurora Sara-Beth Teller. You are going to hurt yourself if you don't knock that off."

She of course didn't listen though. I saw her slam her lip into the glass panel on the entertainment center. And then I saw the Crimson red blood hit the floor. I didn't even see her flinch or start to cry. I darted over to her right away. I knew I was going to pass out from the blood. I was doing most of the screaming and was so glad that Juice and Chibs made their way into the living room.

"What happened?!" Juice screamed as he saw her lip gushing blood.

"She hit her mouth on the entertainment stand."

"Aurora. 'Ya okey, Hun?" I heard Chibs ask in his thick Scottish accent.

"I'm going to be sick," I told them. I excused myself to run into the bathroom. I heard Chibs take her into the downstairs laundry room. When they came back up, she had a thick line of stitches on her bottom lip and yet, she was still smiling.

"You did those yourself?" I asked him.

"Medic in the war," Juice said to me.

"Good as new," Chibs chuckled.

"Sorry mommy."

"Don't scare me like that again," I said, laughing. I couldn't help it. How did my three year old not even flinch when she hit her lip? I guess it was the same way that she never flinched when she hit her head against the glass coffee table when she was learning to walk. We just smiled for a long time and started laughing. Even Aurora. For a second, Nero was right. Or so, I thought. Christmas Eve had always been about family for me. Trying to keep the traditions alive for me and for my daughter. She was smiling. So why shouldn't I be, too?

* * *

The party went rather well that evening. It was so good to see everyone gathering around for Christmas Eve dinner: especially the guys. They told me that they would pay me back over the course of time. I told them of course not to worry about it. They were family and always had been family. Nothing was going to deter me from thinking that. They braved the cold to go out and get the Suburban from the parking lot of the grocery store, too. My father came over with Chrissy and the kids. Braison of course was in tow with Alyssa, Abby, and Paisley. Chibs, Tig, and Bobby were of course there. Myself, Juice, Aurora, Brantli. Gemma. I couldn't help but think there was something missing though. My husband wasn't at his usual spot at the head of the table. There were no obnoxious laughs from Clay. I was missing my mom. And Colton. JT. And Opie, of course. There were many people missing at the first Christmas Eve in our new home that I wished were here. But Nero was a great addition. He talked and joked with all of the guys. I had really hoped that Gemma and Nero would catch feelings for one another. Clay didn't deserve her.

That night, we toasted to a lot of things: new beginnings in 2006, old friends and new, and the hopes that Jax would come home soon. We said a prayer for all of those lost, for a speedy recovery for myself, and for the club. We ate tons of good food, the guys all drank cheap whiskey, and we laughed. We cried. We had a great time crowding around singing Christmas carols and watching the kids run around the house. And then everyone left and it seemed unusually quiet. Juice and Brantli had went to bed hours ago. So it was just Gemma, Nero, myself, and Aurora up watching It's A Wonderful Life on the television screen. My father was the next one getting ready to leave. Chrissy wanted to get the kids home so he was going to call a cab to take him home. Before he left though, I had some strong words for him. I was still livid.

"Dad? Can I talk to you?" I asked, catching him as he put his coat on.

"Sure," he replied, as we made our way into my bedroom. I turned the light on and took a seat on the bed. I was too weak to stand anymore.

"You went and testified for my husband?"

"I did. You and I both know that he was innocent."

"I wish you would have told me."

"I wish you would have told me that you have cancer."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to harp on your life."

"What are you talking about, Aubrey? You're my daughter! Hell I could have been able to help you out with bills. With the house. With your daughter."

"Dad, I love you but I'm not a little girl anymore."

"I'm the only parent that you have left, sweetie. You should have told me. Now I'm sorry that I went and testified for your husband. But we both know that Clay killed that officer. He deserves to rot in jail, not your husband."

"He killed Colton, too."

"What are you talking about?"

"There are letters from when Jackson was at war that he sent me. Someone inside of the club knee what Jax was sending to me. And then when he got home, he found letters between a girl named Maureen Ashby..."

"From JT, right? Yeah, he mentioned her a couple of times. Said that was the main reason he was going out there. Gemma had fallen in love with someone else so he thought he had the right to, too."

"You kept that from me for all this time?"

"You're a part of SAMCRO, baby. I was not going to tell you that. It could have turned the entire club upside down."

"Did he tell you about the hit ordered on his son?"

"He did. He told me what really went on that night. I didn't dare speak a word of it in court. I think it was the same time that he told me about SAMCRO."

"So you know?"

"I know it all, baby."

I breathed heavily. "I'm sorry that I let you down."

"Sorry? Sorry for what, babe? You're a warrior. I wouldn't have put up with half of the shit you went through in your life..." his thoughts were soon derailed by the sound of the slamming can horn outside. "We can talk more this week. Call me. We can go to lunch or something."

"You can take me to chemo if you want to," I replied. "It's not much fun, but there's normally a four hour window before I start feeling like shit."

"I'll check with work and see if I can get the time off. I've gotta go. I love you, honey. If you need anything, call me."

"I will. Love you, dad."

"Love you too, baby."

I don't know why a part of me was still mad at him. But just like he thought his father always felt, I was now feeling the same way. I had let my dad down. And I think that's why I was avoiding him all of this time.

"Mommy, is it true?" I heard Aurora ask me as I made my way into the living room.

"Is what true baby?"

"That every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings?"

Gemma smiled at her. I was unable to answer. I thought I might tear up if I did. "Yes, baby. That's very true. Here," she said, digging her keys out of the pocket of her leather jacket. She took the small bell off of its ring and handed it to her. "Your mommy made that for us on the one year anniversary of your grandpa JT's death. Your daddy has a bell hanging off of his Harley. I think all of the guys do."

"I can have this?"

"Yes, of course. It's something that you can remember him by. Ring it really quick."

Gemma saying those words took me back to when Jax explained the bell and wing thing to Abby when my mother passed away. Heaven is never an easy thing to explain to a child, and it hurt me that one day, I would have to explain all of the truths about it to her.

Nero and Gemma disappeared upstairs to the guest bedroom after we read Aurora The Polar Express together. I dressed her in her newly opened Christmas pajamas, and got her settled in her bed. She asked that I read her "The Night Before Christmas" and I did until I saw her little blue eyes shut soundly. As I got up and turned the light off, her eyes suddenly opened.

"'Mommy?"

"Yes baby?"

"I miss daddy."

"I miss him too, baby."

"Do you believe in Santa Claus?"

"Of course," I told her, smiling and remembering the hours of wrapping that I had ahead of me before I could go to sleep.

"Then tomorrow morning, daddy will be under the tree. It's what I asked for."

"Oh, honey," I told her.

"Mommy?" she asked me again, her voice growing weaker by the second.

"Yes baby?"

"I love you."

"I love you too honey. Now get some sleep. If you don't fall asleep, Santa Claus won't come."

She nodded her head and smiled at me. "Okay." Aurora rolled over to face the wall and held onto her teddy bear. I shut the light off and made my way into the living room. Somehow, there were presents already under the tree. I didn't quite understand it because I hadn't wrapped a single one. And then I thought, it had to be Gemma or Brantli that did it. The cookies that we left on the plate for Santa were already eaten and the milk was gone. I was baffled. I checked the doors, but they were all locked. I pulled the blinds down and noticed the newly fallen snow on top of Nero's Impala and Brantli's Beatle. I situated myself on the couch and flipped on A Christmas Story. In was out within the first five minutes of the movie. I needed to go into my bed. But the couch was too damn comfortable.

All of a sudden, I could have sworn I heard someone come in through the front door. I shrugged it off and made my way into the bedroom. This was all becoming too freaky for me.

* * *

Waking up in the morning, I still had the strong urge of weirdness over my entire body. I put my robe on and saw Diesel wagging his tail for me. He barked twice, and that was followed by Brantli and Gemma poking their heads through the door.

"Santa came," Brantli smiled. "Come on, let's go open presents!"

That was like a wake up call for my daughter. She ran into my room and plopped down on the bed. Her hair was a mess and she still had sleep in her eyes. She gave me a huge hug.

"Mommy, it's okay. Don't be sad today. Santa came."

"I know, baby. You wanna go see what he left?"

We made our way out of the bedroom and noticed Nero and Juice sitting on the couch drinking their morning cups of coffee. Gemma made a pot of tea and got out her camera. As soon as Aurora began to rip into her presents, we all opened our respective ones, and began picking up the shreds of wrapping paper strewn all over the floor.

"I have one more present for Brantli," I heard the shy biker say.

"Oh boy," she said, smiling wide.

I saw Juice get up and hold Brantli's hand. He got down on one knee and opened up the black box that he removed from his pocket.

"Brantli Rae Atkins, will you marry me?"

* * *

There was one more present that Aurora had to open, after the shocking proposal. Girls, Aunt Brantli said yes of course. How could she not? The thoughts that were once in my head about her not loving him and claiming that she was just lonely were soon erased as the ring was slid onto her finger.

We made our way outside once we put our winter gear on. This was a site, boy. There was a huge object wrapped up and Santa Claus standing right beside it.

"Santa!" she yelled. "Aunt Brantli, you got me Santa Claus?!" she exclaimed.

"No, I got you the thing that's wrapped up. We all did, actually. I didn't ask for Santa Claus," she said.

"This is awesome! I get presents all year round now!"

"You do know that Christmas isn't just about presents, right baby?"

"Oh, I know," she said, looking high up in the sky. "Happy birthday, Jesus!"

We all couldn't help but laugh, including Nero. Santa just stood there though. As Aurora began to open up the object in the middle of the driveway, Santa made his way over to me.

"Have you been a good girl this year?" he asked, in a bubbly voice.

"I've tried," I chuckled. Santa didn't say anything more.

"Mommy! Thank you, it's my very own bike just like daddy's! I can put my bell on there and be just like him!"

"I don't know if you want to be just like me," I heard someone's voice pierce. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone make their way up the driveway.

"Daddy!" Aurora yelled, as she turned to run down the driveway to greet him.

It really was Jackson. He was here. He was out of prison. I couldn't believe it. But I saw it with my own two eyes.

I ran down the driveway, too as soon as he picked Aurora up. He set her down after a bountiful of kisses and hugs and I jumped into his arms. It was more like a leap. I had used up all of my strength for the day to do this. I wrapped both legs around his waist. He kissed me forcefully and passionately on the lips. I didn't want to jump down and let him go.

We all greeted one another. It was so good to have him home. Finally.

There was something else waiting for me when we went inside. It was a handwritten note from the doctors that had been doing my chemotherapy treatments. What I thought was a Christmas card was so much more than that. It simply read this:

_Aubrey,_

_You don't need to come in for your next chemotherapy treatment. I don't know how this happened, but you are in remission. Enjoy your Christmas of being cancer free. We will follow up on Monday for the next steps that you have to take once entering remission. Merry Christmas. You are a warrior, Aubrey Teller. You fought through this entire thing Oand we are so proud of you._

_With much love,_

_The medical staff at Saint Thomas Hospital._

I cupped my mouth into my hands and began to cry. I don't remember the first person that I handed the note too, but as soon as I did, I was taken back a lot. The entire time that I thought these drugs were killing me, they were making me so much better. I was a warrior. A superhero.

We had a lot to toast to that evening. Jackson was home. Nero was joining us again and was beginning to fit right in surprisingly. Brantli was getting married. I was getting married again. And I was cancer free.

Do one of these things outweigh the other? Sure. But for right now, each one was wholesome.

Bring it on, 2006. I'm ready for you. It was going to be my year. Finally.

And girls, I can finally say that better days were going to finally find their way to us. 2006 was one of my favorite years. And I was more than amped for its arrival.


	67. Chapter 67

According to Webster's dictionary, there are two definitions for the word remission. First, there is the obvious one: a diminution of the seriousness or intensity of disease or pain; a temporary recovery. But then, there is another one as well. It reads: forgiveness of sins. Now girls, I've never been one to be headstrong and believe in God. But in order to get to the first one, you have to pass through the second. It's not that I don't believe in God. It's just that we don't connect on the same level. How could the same guy that took so many people away from me that I loved be the same reason that I was able to fight this horrible disease inside of my body? I didn't quite understand that. And I don't think that I will: ever. God has a funny way of making sure that everyone down here is taken care of. And well, for the most part we were. It was already March of 2006. No one has died yet. No one has fallen sick. We were just swimming in the newly found debt of hospital bills and the second mortgage on our house. But sometimes, that's what marriage is all about. Jackson and I passed the struggling stage. We just hopped right over it in our lives. Well, let me take that back. And I'm sorry if I'm rambling girls. But we never passed the struggling stage. In fact, I don't ever think there would be a time where we weren't struggling. The struggles just became easier for us, I guess.

March was one of those months that had the destiny to be good. And it was good. We had spent Saint Patrick's Day making Rubens and cabbage and noodles and drinking green beer and celebrating our Irish heritage with our friends and family. It was right around that time that Brantli began planning her wedding. Do you remember how extravagant I told you Gemma's wedding to Clay was? Brantli was planning some fairytale wedding. We didn't agree on many things. Hell, I don't know where Brantli was coming up with all of this money that she was going to use to pay the bills.

"I got a new job. A better job. A good job," is how she justified everything.

I offered to throw her a wedding here. While she was grateful that I had offered to throw her a backyard one, she was thinking of something more-so on the beach.

"I didn't get to have a big wedding the last time. So I want to go all out this time. I want to make it the last time that I get married. I love Juice very much."

And it's true. They did love each other. But she didn't love him like she had loved Opie for all of those years. I think if I've learned one thing from all of this it was that even after your husband has been dead for a year, you'll never stop loving him. No matter if you want to give your heart to someone else. You'll always love the man that you did a lot of first things with.

They didn't have Pinterest back when Brantli was planning her wedding. And God did I wish they had come up with it. It would have been so much easier than flipping through countless wedding catalogs.

"If you could get married anywhere, where would it be?"

"I don't know," I chuckled.

But the thing was, I did know. My dream wedding would take place at this little barn up in Napa Valley. It was secluded and off somewhere that seemed almost enchanting. There would be a million twinkling lights and daisies everywhere. I would walk out to Jax in this beautiful white wedding dress that almost flowed to the ground and he would be looking at me from the head of the aisle and smile. Because we knew that we were getting ready to pledge the same vows that we had to each other ten years ago.

And when March 22nd hit, I knew wholeheartedly that my dream wedding would never be carried out.

You see, the thing is girls swimming in debt means that you don't have enough money to make things like vow renewal ceremonies happen.

* * *

March 22nd was a sunny day, I can remember that. It was one of the first warm days in a long time and the sun felt so good on my skin as it poked through my windows.

On the day before my wedding ten years ago, we had this huge breakfast with all of us. We were putting last minute decorations up in my brother's backyard and hoping that it wouldn't rain. I had spent the better half of that morning working on my vows and then getting frustrated when I got writer's block and we just decided to go the traditional route. There was just too much that I wanted to say to Jax and tell him how much I truly did love him. I don't think I could have summed it up in three minutes. Hell I still don't think I can sum it up in three minutes.

And that's okay because we aren't renewing our vows. So I'll never be able to have to sum it up in three minutes.

It was a Friday, so I dropped Aurora off at pre-school and came straight home after. Jax was sitting on the couch lacing up his tennis shoes. He wore a really nice plaid shirt, jeans, and his kutte. His blonde hair had grown back, much like my brunette hair had. One more benefit of remission, I guess. My hair and eyelashes were beginning to grow back pretty fast.

"Why aren't you at TM?" I asked him, shutting the front door behind him.

"They didn't need me this morning."

"But we need the money. Your mom knows that, too."

"Aubrey, it's fine. She's going to pay me anyway."

"Oh," I said, placing my keys on their hook by the front door.

"You wanna get out of here?" he asked me.

"We can't," I chuckled. "It's Friday. I have to go grocery shopping. I have a doctor's appointment. I have to call the catering company and book..."

"Aubrey, come on. Let's get out of here."

I swallowed hard. "Okay."

I didn't know quite where we were driving to, as we passed all of the towns nearby. There wasn't a lot of traffic on the highway that morning, so it gave us plenty of time to sing along to songs on the radio and enjoy the scenery around us. The trees were beginning to come to life and the specks of grass swayed in the light breeze.

* * *

When Jackson pulled up to an abandoned beach front cottage, I was completely confused. He was up to something. And I don't know what that something was, but I was excited for it. He still loved surprising me even after all of this time.

"What are we doing here?" I asked. I had to be nosy. I was always nosy.

"We are going on a date. Do you remember the last time we were on one?"

"Jackson this isn't a date. It's more like a getaway," he said.

"Would you just enjoy this? You're a great mom but I think along the way you lost sight of being a good wife too. A wife that enjoys romantic things that her husband does for her," he made his way over to me and smiled sheepishly. He kissed me on the lips and grabbed my hand, leading me inside.

There were ten bouquets of roses sitting on every corner of the house. A big fireplace, a decent sized kitchen. A bottle of chilled champagne sat on the counter. There was a hot tub out back and a big open window overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

"Want a drink?" I heard him ask me, as I sat my suitcase down on the floor.

"Uh, sure," I said, smiling.

He grabbed two champagne glasses and a jug of orange juice out of the fridge. He was making mimosas. It was one of my favorite drinks, and I had to be careful. If I drank too many, I would be drunk in an instant.

"To ten years," he said, making his way over to the couch that I was sitting on. He handed me my drink and I grabbed it from him instantly.

"To ten years," I said, raising it up in the air a little bit.

He wrapped his arm around me as we sat on the couch soaking all of this in. "Do you know what this place is?"

"I haven't a clue," I replied.

"It's a timeshare. It's where a lot of families come when they go to Venice for vacation. It's also the place that Clay said you and Brantli moved to."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yep. The families here had been getting the letters all summer. They were really confused by the entire thing."

"I would have been too," I chuckled.

"I have something for you," he said, as he got up and made his way over to the novelty stand off to the side of the room. He opened up the drawer and grabbed out an envelope. As he handed it to me, it was postmarked from base in Iraq. I ran my fingers over his almost illegible handwriting as I ripped the envelope open. It was dated March 23rd, 2002.

"You can read it out loud if you want to. You know I suck at writing letters."

"Why would you say that? No you don't," I replied. "I read all of the letters that you sent me. They're beautiful, Jax."

"Well thank you," he laughed.

"Dear Aubrey," I started. "Well, it's our anniversary again. Six years. It might seem like a long time but for me it hasn't seemed long enough. In these six years, we have learned more about each other than I think either of us thought we would. It's another sleepless night here in Iraq and one that I wished I was spending in your arms instead. Soon though, we will get to have an anniversary where we won't leave our arms. I love you honey. Happy anniversary. Love, Jax. Awe," I replied.

"Cheesy, right?" he chuckled.

"It's sweet," I told him. "So what did you do on our sixth wedding anniversary?"

"I was out in the field most of the time. It was bloody that day," he told me.

"Why have you never talked about the war? To extent, I mean?"

"I guess because it's one of those things in my life that I don't want to talk about. It was tough. Most of it was a blur. With the guys dying around us and having to go back to our base one man less. I made a lot of friends that I lost."

"You never talk about your accident. I mean I've heard spurts of it from Gemma. But I didn't hear about all of it."

"Aubrey," he started. "Because if I told you, God I don't think you would think that it was true. We killed a lot of people, baby. And that's stuff that you might not be able to comprehend. We were out in the field that day. One of our guys cleared it and made it safe. It was mid-April. When he cleared it though, we were being followed. They trapped us in a house. Children, women all around us. They said they would kill us. And they did. They shot two of the men that I came in with and then they shot my arm. They shot my leg. The bullet nearly missed my heart but hell I thought I was dead. Opie stopped my bleeding long enough for me to be sustained and they took me to the hospital. My vitals weren't working. My organs stared to shut down. I was in a coma for about three or four weeks. It was May when I woke up. They told me I was injured and needed to go home. We all gained prisoner of war status that day. They couldn't find Opie or Brady, the two other guys that I was in with. And then I came home. I just couldn't believe that I woke up. But the entire time I was in that coma I just saw you. I saw you jumping into my arms like you did when we came home from Germany. I saw you when we were older with our kids and sitting on that damn porch and it pulled me awake. It was like I woke up a new person when I finally pulled myself out of that. And then I came home and I learned that you weren't in Venice and part of me wishes that that bullet would have went through my heart."

"Do you still think that?" I asked, wiping the tears away from the creases of my eye.

"I don't. Not anymore. You know, it was hard seeing you when you came back. It's like you lived your life and just forgot about me along the way."

"I never forgot about you, Jax. Never. And I'll never forget about you. How could I? You blessed me with so many good things in my life. And for that I am eternally grateful."

"A lot of bad shit has happened these past two years. The almost divorce and Kyle and then cancer and prison. You've made me a better man, Aubrey Teller. Whether you know it or not. And I'm done with all of the bullshit and ready to make this anniversary amazing for you."

"We get so caught up in all of the bad shit that we don't stop to realize all that we have in front of us. I mean I'm here with you but I can't help but think of what Aurora is doing at home."

"Relax, baby. My mom and Nero have her."

"What are your thoughts on Nero?" I asked him.

"He's a character, alright. But he's good to my mom. He seems like a really good guy. A guy I want to have on my side."

"Same. And Aurora loves him. I mean the way he interacts with your mom...he's falling in love with her."

"Better him than Clay, right?"

"I agree," I laughed. "He's like. He's so sweet. My god. The way that he and Gemma look at each other. I dont ever think she looked at your dad like that," I said.

"Yeah. I don't either."

"You know something about him that I don't, don't you?"

"Of course," he told me. "So, you want to know how Brantli is paying for the wedding? Nero owns an escort service."

"Like prostitutes?"

"No, more like companionship girls. They don't get paid by the guys. Nero pays them."

"Nero is a pimp?!" I exclaimed.

"Kind of."

"What the fuck?!" I yelled, laughing. He didn't seem like a pimp.

"He wants to open up a bar in town. He offered that I go in half with him. Maybe go in as a bar tender or something. It's a good business idea."

"Maybe," I said. "How much money would you have to put in?"

"Not a lot."

"I mean I guess that my dreams can be put on hold again," I said to him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked me.

"Nothing, never mind. I don't want to fight. And if I open up my mouth anymore it's going to be a fight."

"Say what's on your mind."

"I've given up everything for you," I told him. "I gave up my dreams. I gave up any hopes that I had of having something that I loved in the future."

"You're right."

"What?" I asked him.

"You're right. I should just work some dead end mechanic job and run guns and coke for the rest of my life. Hope to god I don't go to prison again or something."

"You're so unbelievable! You know that? You're so selfish!"

"I'm selfish?! Aubrey, please."

"Don't Aubrey please me, Jax! You only think about yourself. You only want to do good when it matters to you. Do you know how much debt we are in from everything and now you want to open up a bar! Do you have a bartender license? Do you know how much money that shit costs?"

"My mom paid off all of our medical bills!"

"Now I hate you," I told him.

"You hate me? She was just trying to help!" he says.

"She was trying to prove that we can't do things on our own! You have to run to mommy for help all of the time because you can't handle being an adult on your own!" I said, as I got up from the couch.

"I'm not going to lose everything that we have worked for!"

"And what have we worked for, Jackson? You promise all of these things to me and you don't follow through with them. We were supposed to be renewing our vows tomorrow morning and now we aren't doing shit but staying here in this damn beach cottage."

"Well maybe you should have chose Kyle then."

"Fuck off," I told him, as I slammed off into one of the bedrooms. "You know,"

I said, as I slammed out into the living room. "If you didn't spend all of your money from the deals on bullshit we would have money right now!"

"Aubrey," he started. "We do have money. We don't have a second mortgage anymore. I started up Aurora a college fund."

"What are you talking about?!" I asked him.

"I talked with the bank and paid off both mortgages. We had a huge deal up in Stockton the other day," he told me. Why were we fighting over money? We never fought over money before.

"Ugh," I replied, finishing off my second mimosa. Jax poured us another. We talked some more about meaningless stuff, we made up, and drank another. And then another.

We found an old stereo in the corner and turned it on to the local country station. When a Travis Tritt song blared out, Jax grabbed my hand and we danced around the living room.

"So what did you do? On our wedding anniversary that year I mean?"

"I was pregnant. That's all I remember," I said to him.

"Have you thought about having another..."

"Yes," I said smiling and cutting him off.

Out of the blue he picked me up and placed me in his arms bridal style. "What are you doing?!" I said, a smile on my face. "Jackson Teller you better put me down right now!"

He carried me all the way into the bedroom. He threw me down on the bed and began to take my clothes off of me. With every touch and every kiss, I remembered how good this felt. It had been a long time since we made love. I almost forgot how intimate it was between us when we participated in this.

"I figured we would get a head start. Let's have another baby, Aubrey."

We had stayed in bed and made love through the afternoon. When Jax was growing weak and his stomach began to turn, we made dinner. Steaks and shrimp, potatoes, steamed vegetables and rolls. We nibbled on cheesecake for dessert and retreated out to the hottub to enjoy the last moments of our day.

"I'm glad I'm in your arms for this anniversary," he told me.

"That's the way it's supposed to be. Right?" I asked him.

* * *

On the morning of March 23rd, 1996 I remember knowing exactly what was going to happen that day. I remember that I was going to be getting married in the matter of hours and that pretty soon people would be pulling and tugging at my hair. But waking up this morning on the tenth anniversary of the day we got married, I felt kind of sad. A promise that Jax had told me a couple of years ago wasn't going to be able to be carried out.

I met him out on the beach that morning. He had my coffee waiting for me and was finishing up the last drags on a cigarette. He was sitting on a quilt as the sun was beginning to come up over the Pacific Ocean. It was breathtaking: all of the colors blending together in the sky, signaling another day.

"Good morning," he told me as I snuggled up in front of him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.

"Happy anniversary," I told him.

"Happy anniversary," I replied, turning my head around him and kissing him on the lips.

"I am so sorry," he told me.

"For what?"

"I know we were supposed to renew our vows today. I'm so sorry that I couldn't carry out that commitment. You deserve someone so much better than me."

"Jackson, don't say that. Please don't."

"Aubrey, I'm serious."

"Why do you want to fight today?" I asked him. "You take me out here to this place only to fight with me? We already made up for yesterday and you want to carry it out to today."

"I had huge plans for our future. I told you that I would give you the entire world and you wouldn't have to worry about anything. And look at us now. We are struggling."

"Jackson," I started.

"I tried, Aubrey. I tried to give you everything. People think I'm this loser. I gave you a ring and I promised you things and I thought I could follow through. And it was with the best of intentions that I was going to do this for you."

"Jackson."

"But I wanted you to know something. I had those best of intentions from the start. And I know that I was supposed to give you so much more than you deserved. I had thought we be so much further than where we are right now."

"I love you, crazy boy."

"I know that you think sometimes I take you for granted. And I know that I have done a lot of things wrong. But I've done a lot of things right, too. And I know that you might not think so but if you read my heart you would know, Aubrey."

"I do know, Jax. If you didn't have those best of intentions I don't think I would be here right now. We love each other so much. And that love is so much more than anything. It's more than money and it's more than any of the good memories that we have together. Being in remission means that you have to forgive your sins. And I know that you and I have sinned a lot in our lives."

"We have. We have done a lot of bad shit."

"And I'm a loser too, Jax. No matter how much I do wrong I've had the best of intentions of loving you from the beginning. And that's all that matters. And we should celebrate that today. Don't let yourself get caught up in the things that we don't have. Because if you could read my heart too you would know that everything that I have done is with the best of intentions."

"I love you, Aubrey. And I promise that the next ten years are going to be much more beautiful than these past ten years."

"These last ten years have been wonderful Jax. And you know that. Don't let it get you down on a day that should be about us."

"You're a wonderful wife. How did I get so lucky?"

"I was the only girl that would watch that corny Peter Pan movie with you. The only girl that found you cute enough to take to homecoming. You've had my heart from the beginning. Shouldn't that be what today is about celebrating?"

"You're right," he told me.

"I always am," I smiled.

"Want to go to breakfast?"

"I was thinking T's. Let's go get our daughter and have a family day."

"I like the sound of that," he replied.

* * *

It was nearly noon when we arrived back in town. Gemma and Nero were waiting for us at T's and had already ordered the food for us. Aurora sat in a booster chair off in the corner of the booth. Something was off though. Gemma had gorgeously done makeup and her nails were done to par. She never looked that extravagant.

"Hi mommy!" Aurora yelled with her mouth full of food. "Hi daddy!"

"Hi honey," I told her, moving her blonde bangs out of her eyes. We took a seat in the booth.

"You guys have fun?" Gemma asked, taking a bite of her omelet.

"Yeah," I replied. "We had a lot of fun. Aurora did you have a good time at grandma's?"

"Yeah! We played tea party and abuelõ let me stay up past my bedtime to watch the new Dora that came on."

"Oh did he?" Jax chuckled.

She nodded her head. "Mommy what does abuelõ mean?"

"It means grandpa in Spanish, hermosa," Nero said to her as he sipped on his coffee.

"Another grandpa? How many of these things do I get?" she chuckled.

"So, mejo. What are you guys doing today? Anything fun planned?"

"Not really," Jax said. I felt Gemma kick Nero's leg under the table.

"Aubrey, you wanna go get your nails done with Brantli and I?"

"But I thought Jax and I were going to have a family day?" I asked, my question pointing at him.

"Go get your nails done, babe if you want to."

"Mommy can I get mine done too?"

So now I was going to get my nails done with the girls. This is not how I wanted my anniversary to go. It was off to a horrible start so far.

Here's to hoping things got better today. I wish we could toast to something like that.

After our trip to the nail salon and the hair salon too, I was a little worried. I was worried that something bad was going on today.

Gemma took Aurora and Brantli back to her house to give Jax and I some personal time to ourselves. But when I got back to the house, I couldn't find my husband in sight. The only thing I found was a note on the counter with an address scribbled on it. There was an envelope next to it, similar to the anniversary note that I had written to Jax the other day. I was a little puzzled now. Especially when I hopped into my SUV and began to follow the GPS to my destination. When I arrived, there were already a ton of cars there. I saw Nero's Impala and Gemma's Suburban. I saw most of the guy's bikes out in the corner of the parking lot. It had a wooden sign that told me "I Do's" were that way. I had hoped that this wasn't some sick kind of joke and that my best friend was not getting married on my wedding anniversary.

The note then instructed me to go inside of the small house off to the corner. And I did.

"What the hell is this?" I asked, as I noticed the scene in front of me. I saw Gemma, Brantli, Alyssa, Mia, Chrissy, and Abby wearing really beautiful dresses. They all matched and were this short, rustic purple looking color. They all had cowboy boots on their feet and most of them had their hair down with voluptuous curls in them.

"We got this, and thought you might be able to help us better understand it," Alyssa said holding out the piece of paper in front of me. It was a Save the Date and had a professionally taken picture of Jax, Aurora, and I on the front. It was the one taken when Jax was in his ACU's and Aurora and myself were in jeans and white lacy shirts. This picture was taken last summer before the cancer began to take over my body.

"When did you get these?"

"November," Chrissy chuckled.

"I don't know what this is supposed to mean," I told them.

"It means you're renewing your vows today, silly. Come on, let's get you dressed."

When they opened up the closet and got out my dress, I was in awe. It was my dream wedding dress and I couldn't have been more in love with it. It was strapless, too with a heart shaped neckline. It flowed out like a ball gown. Aurora was the next one to see me in my dress. She had a baby breath's flower crown on her head and little cowboy boots on her feet.

"Mommy you look beautiful."

"You kept this secret from me?" I asked her.

"Yes. Daddy asked me to and I did," she said, as she did a thing where she pretended to zip her lips and throw the key away.

"Jax said he had a letter for you to open up and read," Brantli told me, as she made her way over to the big mirror in front of me. All of the girls took their seats on the day bed or the floor, crowding around me. I was still breath taken by the little plot that Jax had come up with.

"You want me to read this out loud?"

"Yeah. He's reading his to the guys right now I'm sure," Gemma said.

I took a deep breath and smiled at all of them. "Dear Aurora. On our first anniversary, we spent if at this little restaurant in the city and went on saw a play. On our second, we were too drunk to even remember that it was our anniversary. And we were on our third too. On our fourth I was in Germany and our fifth we were back together and didn't do anything short of amazing. New York had a blizzard and we spent the entire day cooped up inside of the army base drinking not chocolate. On our sixth, you were pregnant and I was in Iraq. And on our seventh and eighth we didn't celebrate. On our ninth you were off with Kyle somewhere. I guess our streak of anniversaries has kind of sucked and I feel impartial to that. But on our tenth, we will pledge our love once again for one another. When I found out that I had a daughter, I struggled and tried to think of all the ways that I would fail at being a father like I'm sure you had thought about failing as a mother. But one thing that I can promise to you is that I will always be a good father to Aurora. And I will always be a good husband to you.

So here this is, my cheesy note to you full of promises that I will try to make true these next ten years. I promise to go through this insane life with you always right beside you since I have been since we were children. If only I could go back and tell seven year old us that things will get better and you won't always spend your nights watching Disney movies on the couch. Sometimes you'll be jumping into ponds at 3am or walking aimlessly around a new city. Some days you'll lie awake and think of where the other might be. It won't always be this hard and you will get over your fears with this person by your side. I love you so much Aubrey. Thank you for giving me a reason to come home from war and a reason to be the man that I am today. You and Aurora are my light at the tunnel. I love you very much baby. And I hope you enjoy this once in a lifetime dream wedding. You shouldn't leave plans like this out in the dining room in your notebook." I laughed at this one and wiped the forming tears from my eyes. "You are so beautiful and when your father gives you away to me, I'll remember our last wedding so well and make room in my mind for this one. You are everything that I have ever hoped for in life. I love you Aubrey. And now I'm at a loss for words."

I started crying, smudging my makeup all over my face. We touched it up a little bit and took a couple of really nice photos-including one where we jumped on the bed which was Aurora's idea. My favorite though had to be the one that just you and I took, Aurora. The photographer had me wrap your tiny body under my larger than life veil and I kissed your lips like I had for years. I still have it hanging over the fireplace in the living room. Harley, I am so sorry that you missed out on this baby. You would have loved it because it was truly a fairytale.

My dad didn't get the honor of walking me down the aisle the last time. So now, it was his turn to do it. When he walked into the small bridal room, he was dressed in a simple tuxedo and a pair of cowboy boots.

"You ready to do this again, baby girl?" he asked me.

"I think so," I chuckled.

I couldn't even begin to paint the image of the scene outside to you, Harley. Maybe your sister can tell it better than I can. For starters, it was breathtaking. Everything that I had ever hoped and dreamed for.

The outside was decorated in so many flowers: these ones were sunflowers. I'm not sure how he got them since they normally don't bloom until the summertime. The sun was so bright in the sky, casting it's last remnants of daytime on us. The barn had a beautiful piece of lace on the outside. There was a white silk aisle in the grass that we would walk down. Barrels of hay were seated along the aisle for people to sit on and they were filled with our family and close friends all dressed in vintage country-themed attire. Paisley and Chris were the first to walk down, followed by Aurora as our flower girl, then Mia and Abby as junior bridesmaids. Brantli held onto Juice, Alyssa was with Braison, and Gemma was with Nero. Chrissy walked down by herself, followed by me and my father. When I stepped out of the house, I wasn't crying. But as I approached Jax and "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw started playing, my eyes began to leak. He was standing up there in his dress blues from the Army and I completely lost it. He looked so handsome. He even had to look away from me to stop himself from crying. Brantli stepped aside from her spot as maid of honor and stood up in front of Jax and I. My dad handed me away, and Jax told him that he would take good care of me. My dad just smiled and told him that he has and thanked him. Jax and I stood inches apart from each other.

"Speechless?" he asked me.

"Spooked is more like it," I chuckled.

"Hi everyone," Brantli began. "So, it was this day ten years ago that my two best friends decided to get married. And most of us were there for it. We were there to see the tears that they both shed and the love that they vowed to promise each other. And now, nearly 10 years later we are here to join them again. Jax and Aubrey have always had that once in a lifetime love story. It began late one summer evening when Aubrey moved to Charming and was forced to sit on the couch and watch a movie with him. After that, it's history. These two have survived everything together. They brought a beautiful baby girl into this world. They survived two deployments. They survived cancer. Prison. But today we don't dwell on the bad things that have happened in the last ten years. We celebrate the good," she started. "I met Aubrey and Jax when I was fourteen. And had a Monroe piercing, nose ring, long ridiculously blonde hair, and my annoying Boston accent that reminded you of Fran Drescher from The Nanny. Aubrey had long brunette hair and Jax's hair was almost as long as mine. They were deciding whether they wanted to be together or not. As insane as that sounds these two didn't know if they wanted to pursue dating. I'm really happy that they did. I couldn't see a world without these two being in love. Before I keep rambling on and losing myself in all of these good memories, I want to start with a quote from my favorite author, Nicholas Sparks. He writes that "but love, I've come to understand is just three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action; a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other everyday." Aubrey and Jax would now like to say a few words about what the past ten years have meant to them."

"I don't have anything prepared," I laughed.

"It's okay, I have something for you," he chuckled, hanging me the folded up piece of paper from his pocket.

"Jax," I said, reading out loud from the paper. "Thank you for the past ten years of amazing sex. You have treated me better than any guy before and I am blessed to call you my husband because not only do you excel in the bedroom factor, you are damn good looking," I laughed. "I'm not reading this." I folded up the paper and stuck it back into his pocket. "Jax you have been full of surprises the past ten years, that's for sure. But I wouldn't change any of those surprises for the world. You have blessed me with the joy of being a mother and have always let me follow my dreams whether they be good or bad. You will always be my first love. My only love. The only guy that I will and can love as much as you. You have accepted me and appreciated me for all of the little things that I do. Thank you for being an amazing husband and an amazing father. You are the guy that I have all of these bottled up memories with and if I let them out I think we would be here for hours. Ten years isn't enough to fall in love with someone but it only took me ten minutes to fall in love with you. Thank you for falling in love with me in those ten minutes too. I am so honored to be your wife, Jackson Teller."

"Aubrey Nevaeh, I love you. I have loved you since the moment I was seven years old. We have both done things that we regret, but we have also done things that we loved. I promise not to grind my teeth in my sleep anymore because I know you hate that," he started. Everyone laughed. "You know I'm horrible at this stuff baby. And I promised I wouldn't cry this time around. But you look beautiful. But thank you for everything that you have given me. Our daughter being starters. She is the spitting image of you and I and I couldn't love her more. Thank you for giving me a chance to be the guy that I have always been. I promise to be faithful to you and I pledge our love to you. Ten years ago, I promised to treat you as good as my leather and ride you as much as my Harley and I think I've done both of those things pretty well," he chuckled. "And I knew that when I first met you we would be standing here, doing this again someday. I love you. And I will always love you. Thank you for putting up with me these past ten years and the many years before then. You will always be my best friend honey."

We all had to wipe a tear away from our eyes. "And Aurora. I promise to be the best father that I can to you as your mother and I continue to grow old. I promise to love you even when you do things that are going to piss me off. I promise to always chase the monsters away and help you ride your bike down the street. I promise to be there for you when you struggle in school. Teach you how to drive a car and fall in love for the first time. I promise to always love you and be your father. These are my vows to you and her. And I hope you take them to heart."

"I have these for you as well," she said, handing notecards to the both of us. I went first.

"Jackson Nathaniel, ten years ago, I pledged my love and commitment to you, but it seems like only yesterday. I promised to love you, honor you, comfort and keep you. I pledges to be by your side in sickness and in health, in times of want, and times of plenty, for better or worse, for the rest of our lives. We have had all of those things, and you have been by my side as we created a family, a home, and a life together. Today, at the beginning of our 10th year as husband and wife, in the presence of God, and our family and friends, I renew my vows to you, pledging my eternal love for you, and eagerly awaiting what life may bring us."

"Aubrey Nevaeh, ten years ago, I pledged my love and commitment to you, but it seems like only yesterday. I promised to love you, honor you, comfort and keep you. I pledges to be by your side in sickness and in health, in times of want, and times of plenty, for better or worse, for the rest of our lives. We have had all of those things, and you have been by my side as we created a family, a home, and a life together. Today, at the beginning of our 10th year as husband and wife, in the presence of God, and our family and friends, I renew my vows to you, pledging my eternal love for you, and eagerly awaiting what life may bring us."

Brantli asked us to remove our wedding rings and handed them to her. She asked that we all bow our heads in prayer, and we did just that.

"Bless, O Lord, this ring, and grant that he who gives it and she who shall wear it may remain faithful to each other, and abide in thy peace and favor, and live together in love until their lives' end. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." she handed our rings back to us and we slipped them on the opposing finger.

"With the power in me and the great state of California, I now present to you again Mr. and Mrs. Jax Teller!"

We picked Aurora up and placed her in our arms as we made our way back down the aisle. I turned and kissed him one more time for good measure.

"Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary," he smiled back.

"Happy aminaversaby." Aurora chuckled as Jax tickled her stomach and kissed her on the cheek.

Inside of the barn that night, it looked amazing. Better than amazing. Jax had done so many little detailed things to make it perfect. We had a table that read "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" to commemorate the people that we have lost over the years. There was a three tier towered cake in the corner and huge tables full of food. Everyone was dancing and smiling and laugh in under the array of twinkling lights and drapery that hung from the ceiling.

* * *

We danced to our song that night. And I'll have to say it was the sweetest dance that we had ever had. We did our toasts, we ate tons of food, and threw back a lot of drinks. When it was time to send us on home, everyone lined up holding sparklers and sent us on our way back to our small little house in Charming. On the back of the SUV one of them had even written "Still Married" in white car marker.

Because we were. We were still married and had made it ten years exactly. As I looked at my husband and my daughter in the car beside me that night, I knew that I was in remission: a forgiveness of my sins. Whatever it was that I had done so wrong in my life, God had blessed me with these two people right here.

And, I hoped that I had many more ten year anniversaries with the both of them. How could you love someone so much? Sometimes you can't explain it. You just loved them an accepted them for all that they were.

Thank you, Jax and you Aurora and Harley for always loving me despite all of my faults. You are the reason I keep going every day. I hope, girls that one day you're able to renew your vows with you husband.

Just please remember to put my picture at the "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" table.


	68. Chapter 68

_**July, 2006**_

Is it wrong to lump two weddings together? Well girls, seeing as how this is my story to you and I honestly don't want to bore you with the details of the spring of 2006, I wanted to shed light on Brantli and Juice's wedding.

At first, you will cry. And then you will say "what the fuck?" And then you will be happy and cry some more.

I know this because I was here. And so were you, Aurora. And I know that you might have been confused but now I'm sure as you read this you will have the same emotion that I was going through.

Brantli's wedding was slated to happen in July of that year. You're probably wondering "well what the hell mom?! What happened that was so boring that you couldn't tell us?"

I'll tell you what was boring girls, life. Nothing was going on in our lives that was remotely as exciting as this moment might have been.

Santa Monica, California sits about two hours southwest of Charming. In a sense, it reminds me almost of Venice. The Pacific Ocean is way bluer and the sky is clearer. The sun out here, too beats down on my skin and it's days like today where I am glad to just be alive. Brantli had thought it would be a good idea to rent out two beachfront houses for the weekend. To us, July 4th has always been about partying and spending the night blowing off fireworks and eating as much as we could until we exploded. The being drunk off of our asses always came last. Gemma, myself, and Brantli were the first to arrive down here. We had brought along the groceries for the evening along with all of the alcohol for tonight and the wedding tomorrow. The guys had a meet up in Compton this morning so we thought that we would just decorate and get a head start on everything. Which was a good thing I guess as we had so much to do. We first started with the huge white lawn chairs which Brantli had purchased from one of the wedding catalogues. We were pairing them up with this white itchy fabric that didn't feel good but it looked beautiful especially against the white. Brantli and myself had begun gathering up the tiki torches and filling them with fuel.

"You excited for tomorrow?" I asked casually, as we began placing them along the aisles.

"I am," she said, smiling at me. "I can't believe I'm actually getting married again."

"Dream wedding, right?"

"Yes," she said, gushing. "But I can't help but feel a little guilty, you know? With Juice and I it was bam bam. I never really had time to grieve over the death of Opie. I just can't help but think how mad at me he would be if he found out that I was getting married to someone that's not him."

"I don't think he would be mad," I replied. "In fact, I think he would be happy if you moved on you know? Didn't you guys talk about what would happen if he died during combat?"

"We did," she said, letting out a deep sigh. "I want kids, Aubrey. I want a stupid house with a fence and a backyard too but I want to be a mom more than anything in life. And Op wasn't focused on any of that. He just wanted to be a good husband. And hell, he was. But I just wish things were different but they never will be."

"Do you think you're making the right decision?" I asked.

"I do. Deep down inside I think I am. I really love Juice you know? He's a good guy. He and Op are like night and day but somehow we click and I think it makes it all worthwhile."

"I'm happy for you, Brantli. And I'll always support you no matter what."

"Thanks Aubs. I know how much you loved Opie. Like a big brother or something. He was a good man."

"I think he would have liked Juice. I think they would have gotten along really well. He's probably smiling on you right now."

"I sure hope so."

"He's proud of you, Brantli. You've proven to all of us that you're strong and can overcome this stuff. Tomorrow you walk with your head high and you don't look back."

"I don't have anyone to walk me down the aisle," she said, almost laughing. "And I was wondering if you would do it and give me away to Juice. Would you be able to do that?"

"I would be honored," I replied, wiping the tear away from my eye. "I really would be."

"Good. You ready to get fucked up tonight?" Brantli asked, changing the subject.

"So ready," I replied. "Let's do this."

* * *

After we finished setting up everything that we could for the wedding the following morning, it was time to set up for our 4th of July party that evening. All of the guys would be there. Gemma, my brother and sister. The normal crowd, I guess. We had prepped all of the food and went with ribs, different side salads, and way too much alcohol for anyone to possibly think of consuming. It wasn't until Juice arrived that I felt like this party could actually go downhill. But it was as soon as he pulled his Silverado up to the beachfront house. We were all inside making our drinks for the night. Jax had been testing his bartending skills lately with the business that Nero and him were getting ready to launch Thursday night and he had actually gotten pretty good. He made me an Alabama Slammer: a drink made with amaretto, Southern Comfort, and orange juice. There was something else in it but it was too damn good to even begin explaining.

"Juice! There you are!" I heard Brantli yell as she sat her rock glass down on the counter.

"Sorry, I had to stop and get you a last minute wedding present," he told her.

Juice stepped away and let the obnoxious blonde walk out beside him. I knew who it was immediately. It was Janelle, and faint memories of that New Years Eve weekend brought back a flood full of memories.

"You better behave, Rocky," Jax whispered in my ear in the midst of Brantli's squeals. They had hugged and I even thought I saw a tear escape her eye. I don't even know the last time that they saw each other. After Kelly and her boyfriend had passed (remember girls, they were aboard one of the flights that crashed into the Twin Towers) I'm sure she didn't keep in contact with them much.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"You don't think I'm going to let you get married again and I'm not going to be here to see it right?" she asked in her thick accent.

"I can't believe it. Juice, you called her?"

"I did," he said, smiling. Odd. How did he know Janelle?

"You're unbelievable," she said smiling wide at him. "God I love you for this!" she said. "Here I'll introduce you to everyone."

Brantli and Janelle began making their rounds as Jax made them a drink. I was a little wayward and didn't want to approach her until she came over to Jax and myself.

"Damn, he got hot," I heard her say. "And Aubrey still looks the same."

Not really. I don't think I looked the same at all. "Nice to see you again, Janelle."

"You too. You guys still together?" she asked us as Brantli grabbed her a wine cooler from the fridge.

"Yeah. Ten years this past March."

"Of marriage? Wow. Congrats," she said.

"Thank you," I replied. "We have a daughter, too. Aurora. She's four."

"That's insane," she said. "I have a son named James, he's two."

"You have a son?" Brantli asked as she joined in on our conversation.

"I do. His dad is at home with him right now. Didn't want that to stop me from coming out here."

"Who did you end up marrying?"

"My college teacher's assistant. His name is Marty. He's a good guy. A little older but I love him a lot."

"That's awesome," Brantli said.

"Yeah, thanks. He's a good husband. Our son is great. He's healthy, he's happy. I have a great life now. I'm doing marketing for Broadway."

"What? No way."

"Yes! I market all of the big named shows on the stages and help them get the word out. It's a good job. We moved to the city about three years ago."

The more we kept talking, the more I wanted to punch Janelle in the face. She kept flirting with Juice and Jax and it was very noticeable. She would touch their arm if they said something funny and then laugh loudly at all their jokes. Gemma noticed and kind of gave me this weird look. I knew that I didn't have anything to worry about with Jax. But Juice? He was feeding right into what the Boston trash was telling him. I wonder if this is how Brantli pictured the night before her wedding. Because drunk words become sober thoughts which turn into sober actions.

* * *

And when we woke up in the morning, we knew the age old saying that we had always been told was true. There are good nights that you have when you drink. You enjoy your blackout and you hear the funny stories that happen. And then there are nights like these where you are thankful nothing too horrible happened.

I wish that hangovers never happened. I was experiencing my first one in a long time. As I rolled over that morning, I wasn't too sure on all of the details from the night before, but I knew that it had been really bad. Especially as I made my way into the kitchen and noticed the wreck that it was. There were broken bottles and empty beer cans lying everywhere. The two lawn chairs that were once out on the deck were destroyed. All of the chairs that we had set out on the beach and all of the tiki torches that we worked so hard to put up were tipped over.

I didn't know what the hell went on last night, but we either must have had a good time or we ended up fighting.

Either way it was I needed answers and knew that I would be getting them as my husband made his way into the kitchen.

"Morning," I said in a straight tone.

"Morning babe," he replied kissing me softly on the cheek. "It looks like World War Three around here."

"It does," I laughed. "I'm making some coffee if you'd like some."

"I hope it's on strong brew," he chuckled, grabbing a seat next to me.

"How much did we drink last night?" I asked, my tone becoming more serious.

"A lot. From what I can remember. What's the last thing you can recall?"

"Ugh, uhm I remember doing shots of moonshine because Tig brought it out."

"I think that's what did us in," he chuckled. "I remember most of it."

"You'd be the best husband in the world if you can tell me what happened," I replied.

So, the story that Jax began to tell went something like this:

Brantli had begged that we do shots, so we did. Janelle was drinking all of us under the table as we poured the alcohol down our throats. Then we played beer pong. Jax said something about me being a sore loser and flipping the entire table over. We talked a little about old memories and our time in New York comparing our stories to Janelle's. We threw back a few more beers and played Kings once everything had calmed down. We went into the hottub and Jax said something about going in half baked from the drugs that Janelle had brought with her from home. Well Juice and Brantli at least. I didn't touch coke and I never would and I hoped to God that they didn't do coke like Jax was saying and that they only smoked weed. Then he and Janelle disappeared for a little bit. When I found them, apparently they were half naked and making out on the bed. And then I had to go tell Brantli.

"It was like a hurricane ripped through here."

Because on top of us pounding alcohol for the past few hours, Jax funneling beers, and me falling over on the deck, Brantli was facing sober and drunk demons. She had ripped through the whole house and broke every last bottle, she had been the one to go down on the beach and destroy everything. She had tried to leave and I stopped her but not before she could cry in the car to me and Jax. She had called Juice a lot of names and wondered if this was the best decision that she was making right now. We didn't even get to blow off fireworks or sparklers because we were all too busy getting drunk. Some 4th of July that was. I wanted a re-do. I shouldn't be blacking out the the point that I couldn't remember anything. I was a grown woman now. A mother. No mother should be drinking like that unless you're mine of course. But I think I vowed from that day forward that I wasn't going to do hard liquor anymore.

After Jax finished his vaguely detailed story, I signed and found the broom hidden in the hall closet. I began making mop water in the sink and started seeping up the broken glass. The floor was so sticky, it made my flip flops nearly stick together.

"What's going to happen?" I asked Jax as I continued picking up the remnants from what was supposedly a bad night.

"I'm still getting married today," I heard Brantli's voice speak up. She cleared her throat. "Janelle caught a flight this morning. I think that was an awful idea to bring her out."

"Juice didn't know," I justified, sticking up for him.

"You're right," she replied. "I mean we are over it. We talked before he went over to the other house this morning. I'll help you pick up everything down there. I just got so mad. I can't take people leaving anymore."

But Brantli, I hate to break this to you. Leaving is what we were good at.

* * *

It's kind of funny how life works out. One day, you're 22 and helping your best friend get ready to marry the guy that she has loved for the last eight years. And then out of nowhere you're nearly thirty and she is getting married again. I don't think it hit me until we began applying her blush that morning. She was upset about all that happened yesterday. I mean I couldn't blame her. I would be upset too if I found out my fiancé was making out with some other girl. I think when she turned to me and started crying is when it really hit home. She didn't even have her dress on her and the girl was already full of emotions because not only was she thinking about last night but she was thinking about herself and Opie as well. Because after she became Brantli Ortiz, you could never go back and become Brantli Winston. There was no turning back once that happened and I think that's what made her the saddest. Nothing else was binding her to her first love anymore. She had set Opie free a long time ago. Or, so she thought.

Her dress was absolutely stunning. It was a lot like mine had been and I admired the grace and beauty that she shone throughout. It was an ivory color since this was her second wedding. It was strapless and straight across the top of her bosom. The dress was mermaid and hugged her hips well. It was silk and at the bottom it was a nothing but ruffles and sparkles. Her hair was done in a updo with nothing on her feet and tiny little pearls in her ears. She had given all of the girls a seashell and starfish necklace so she wore the one that looked just like hers to match us. All of the girls were dressed in short Tiffany Blue shade dresses with the only exception being Aurora who wore her flower girl dress. Once her veil was on, her makeup was touched up and her dress was positioned perfectly we began to make our way outside. Everyone was there: a lot of friends and family and way too many guys from the club. The sun was beginning to shine high in the sky and the waves hit the ocean like a pendulum. I don't remember a lot about the procession order or the music that was playing (I want to say "Over the Rainbow" but I could be so wrong.) All that mattered to me was Brantli's happiness as I handed her off to Juice. The pastor has started with a prayer and then he said something that we all knew was coming: "Does anyone feel as though these two should not be married today, speak now or forever hold your peace."

No one said anything then. But in that moment, we heard someone yell "I object!" and I think this was the craziest reason why I can't remember anything from that weekend up to this point. I'll rack my brain trying to remember things that just don't come to mind and it puzzles me but whatever. At least I wasn't the only one that wanted to object.

Recall what I said about the fact that you will cry. Because to be honest, I cried too and hoped that I wasn't the only one that heard Opie Winston say that as he made his way down the beach.


	69. Chapter 69

I think at that moment, no one could really say anything. I mean, in all honesty what were we supposed to say? Were we supposed to just forget what we were all her celebrating today and pretend like it wasn't happening? Were we supposed to run into Opie's arms and just hug him and act like he wasn't supposed to be dead?

Because Opie was supposed to be dead. We had all went to the funeral. We sat and heard Taps play and Brantli got the folded up flag and everything. So how was he here? Was this as twisted joke that someone was pulling on us? I mean seeing him stand there in his Army dress blues with this buzzed hair cut and sadness in his eyes. This wasn't Opie. It couldn't be Opie. Was I imagining something? Was I going completely insane? Honestly what was the pastor supposed to do? Stop the wedding from happening?

I knew at this second though that I wasn't the only one imagining him standing there. Brantli handed me her bouquet after doing a nod to myself and Jax and Piney and did a sprint down the aisle. She stood in front of him and all eyes were on her like they had been. Only more now. I couldn't imagine the stares that were imprinting on her right now. I'm sure she felt each one as it burned into the back of her wedding dress.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I heard her ask.

"You can't get married," he said.

"Yeah? Well you left me remember? You are supposed to be dead."

"I'm not coming here to try to stop you, Brantli. I just wanted to let you know that you can't get married because we are still married. Come on. Let's go inside and talk."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"I thought you would be jumping into my arms right now. You know? Happy to see me and everything?"

"Well I'm not, Opie."

"At least come in and sign the divorce papers so the courts can get a head start on the procedure."

"I don't know if that's what I want."

"Well come on. Tell everyone to go on home and we will go inside and talk this out."

"It's not that simple."

It actually was that simple. Brantli asked if the pastor would mind doing the ceremony later on down the line once the legal stuff was squared away and then she of course had to apologize to everyone that sat in the chairs. She told them to get a head start on eating or go home or do something so that she could have a little bit of time to talk with Opie. Juice I guess just got so annoyed and left and said that if she makes a decision to call him. This was going to break the poor kid's heart. God I felt so bad. But how did any of us know that this was going to happen?

* * *

We got settled back into the house once the commotion outside had died down. Gemma joined us at the table and Piney, too. Nero kept Aurora occupied in the living room while we began to drink a beer.

"I don't even know where the hell to start."

"Well, you better. I've got a lot of people out there that are expecting me to get married this afternoon and now they don't get to see that. Do you know how much money I've spent on this wedding? You don't do you because you never wanted to have a big wedding or anything like that!"

"I'm lost. Didn't we have a funeral for you?" Gemma asked him.

"You guys probably did. But when they came to the house in North Carolina they gave you the wrong information. I was a POW MIA. Everyone in my unit just thought I died because they couldn't find me. I woke up in this house in Iraq that was being invaded by troops and they found me and brought me back. They had to take me through all of this testing before I could come home."

"So we had a fake funeral?" Gemma asked.

"I mean did any of you bother to look inside of the casket?"

We all shook our heads at the table.

"Brantli I'm not mad at you for moving on or wanting to re-marry. We always talked about it. If that's what you want to do I've got the divorce papers in the truck and..."

"Who told you that I was getting married?"

"I went to TM to look for you. I figured you guys would have came back home eventually. One of the guys in the shop said where you were and I just drove. I'm not upset and I'm not angry. You have every single right to want to be with someone that makes you happy."

"This is a big deal, Opie. It's not just a fight and we can make up. I thought you were actually dead. I moved on and began to fall in love with someone else."

"I know, Brantli. And you should. All I want for you to be is happy."

"Guys," Brantli said, looking at all of us at the table. "Can we have a couple of minutes to ourselves?"

"Of course," I told her, as I got up and made my way into the living room. There was no way that I was going to miss this conversation.

Jax had went in the other room to change and Gemma and Nero found their way outside. I was still in my maid of honor dress and I was sweating bullets through it. Not only was the heat unbearable, I was nervous for what was going to happen. Regardless, Juice was still a member of the Sons of Anarchy. And Opie would be, too if he were to get patched in if that's what he wanted. We would have to all learn to coexist in one another's lives and I don't think that would be possible at this point. Opie always had a funny way about doing things. So was it a coincidence that he was here or was this some sort of freak accident that God was playing on us? Like fate or something bringing these two together again?

"Opie I don't know if I am happy anymore. I didn't give myself a time to grieve after I found out that you passed away. I moved onto Juice. I got really heavily involved in drugs. I've stopped a lot of that now because I want so much more out of life. The shit that you have missed these past few years..."

"All I care about now is you being happy. That's it. That's all I've ever wanted for you was to be happy. All I've ever wanted out of life was to see you smile."

Who was this guy and what the hell did you do with Opie Winston?

"You've never talked like that before."

"Yeah well that's how I feel. If you want to be with Juice, go. Be with him. I'm not going to sit here and beg for my wife to be with me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how much I've changed over the past few years because you wouldn't even begin to understand."

"Are you eavesdropping?" Jax asked as he came out of the bedroom dressed in a white tshirt and a pair of baggy, ripped up jeans.

"No!" I said in a whisper tone.

"Yes you are! You're listening in on their conversation and that's wrong."

"Did you know about this?"

"Nope," he replied.

"Are you lying to me?"

"No," he said, with a half smile on his face. "I'm just as shocked as you are. I can't believe he's actually here."

"I can't either."

"Now shut up, I want to hear what happens," he said, laughing. He put his arm around me and I placed my head on his chest.

"Brantli I love you and I always will love you. You're the first and the only girl that I've ever loved so much in my life. That place changes you. War, it changes you. I might be a little messed up. I'm not the same kid that you once knew. I know that I have made so many mistakes in my life, Brantli Rae but you know what? I've embraced those mistakes. They have made me the man that I am today. And I don't know if you're buying any of this or if you care. I took advantage of you so bad baby and I didn't mean any of it. The fights. The little petty arguments. I'll always remember those and the good memories that you have given me these past fifteen years."

"What am I supposed to do? A man gave me a ring and I made a promise to him. He's going to be crushed if I go back to you, Opie. Juice has been there with me through it all. You don't even understand. He's a good guy."

"I'm sure he is," Opie replied. "I'm sure he's a great guy, Brantli and we all deserve to start over in our lives. Wipe the slate clean. I know that I'm not a good man and hell I sure wasn't a good husband."

"Would you stop saying that, please? Stop saying that you weren't a good husband. Because you were and I still think that you can be."

"Just not to you, right?"

"We live two completely different lives now, Opie. You wouldn't like the person that I've become."

"You wouldn't like the person that I've become either. You need to go on with your wedding. I'll go get the divorce papers and we will get them faxed over to the lawyer on Monday."

"Why are you making me not want to pick you? Did you cheat or something?"

"Cheat? Please, Brantli you were the only thing that I thought of when I was off fighting. I would imagine coming home to you for the past four years and it made me so sad but so happy at the same time. Because that meant that we can start over. I'm still trying to live somewhere where everyone doesn't want to kill me every moment of the day. I'm still trying to live somewhere that I have the freedom to do whatever it is that I want to do."

"What is it that you want to do?"

"I want to have a family. I want to go back to school and get a degree or something. I want to make you proud. I want to make you happy. And I know that if I sit here and promise you all of these things that I have to hold true to them. It's not going to be easy and we are going to have to go through everything but I want to do that with you babe. I've always wanted to do that with you and no one else."

"This is all so fucked up."

"That's life, Brantli. This is your life. It's your story. And you get to decide if you want to have the happy ending. Whichever one you chose I'm not going to be mad. Just be comfortable with the decision that you've made."

"Opie," she said and reached across the table to touch his hand. "I love you so much. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. And a year ago if you would have shown up I would have just jumped into your arms and never let you go. But I have to do what's best for me."

"I'll go get the papers then. I think Juice was beginning to make his way back up to Charming. You might want to go after him."

"Why?" she asked. "Opie if you would just let me finish. And you always have called me the stubborn, impatient one."

He laughed. "Because that's what you are."

"I think there's a reason that God brought you back to me. Because if two souls really love each other they will find their way back to one another on the course of life. And I know this is not going to be easy and I am going to piss a lot of people off by doing this but we are still married. So let's do it. Let's still be married. Let's try to work and achieve everything that we have ever wanted to do. We are going to have to fall back in love with one another and it's going to be a long road ahead but I think we can do it. Ive never not believed in us. Not for one second. If things then don't work out between us let's just end it. But I think that there is a reason that you came back and I don't know what it is. I guess everything happens for a reason but all I can tell you is that I want you, Opie. And I've never wanted anyone else. I'm done settling. Let's get our lives back in order because there are so many things that I want to do that I didn't think I would be able to do."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she said, smiling. "I love you so much you insane, crazy man. You are and have always been my dream and the person that I have wanted to go through this life with."

"Are you going to tell everyone or am I?"

"I don't know," she said, laughing to herself. "I don't even know what to say."

"I don't either," he laughed. "We could renew our vows. Why not let this wedding stuff go to waste?"

"No, no. Aubrey and Jax just renewed theirs and to be honest this dress is really uncomfortable and I'm sure you want to get out of your uniform."

"Kind of," he said, as they both stood up. Opie made his way over to her and kissed her on the lips.

"We have something to celebrate tonight, babe. You're back and you're not dead. And I think that might call for a celebration," she said to him.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said. "You guys can stop listening now," he replied, looking over to Jax and I. We were both on the verge of exhaustion and didn't know if we could handle another night of celebrating and drinking. But we were going to try.

"Let's go outside and make the announcement, I guess."

As they walked outside, I could see from the window that everyone was applauding. I mean how could you not? In the end, the boy got the girl. And I had one of my best friends back. We were on the beach and going to make the most of what was left of the weekend. And I hoped that it was one of those good drunk nights.

"I love you," Jax said, as he kissed the side of my head.

"I love you too," I told him.

"Life couldn't be better right now."

And honestly girls, it couldn't be.


	70. Chapter 70

Sunday was finally a drama free day for us. Girls I told myself that I was going to go to sleep hours ago yet somehow I find myself writing to you about this Sunday in particular. I think it was one of my favorite days that I've ever spent here. Mostly because I knew many days like this were coming ahead with the way that the last couple of days had turned out between all of us.

For the first time in months, it picked today of all days to rain. The rain was beating hard against the windows in our rented bedroom and the sound alone was comforting. The smell of the rain was preventing me from getting out of bed and the breeze creeping in through the window only made me hold onto Jax tighter. I had been up for what felt like hours, but when I stared at the digital clock on the side table, it really was only about five minutes.

"Morning, baby," I heard Jax's groggy voice greet me like most mornings. He pulled me closer to his chest and we wrapped our legs around each other.

"Good morning," I replied, kissing him on the lips with morning breath and all.

"Damn, I can't believe it's raining."

"It's okay. Maybe we can just stay in for today. I wanted to take Aurora down to the beach, so I'm hoping it clears up a little bit."

"I am, too," he told me.

"What are you making me for breakfast?"

"Oh so I'm making breakfast this morning?" he chuckled, burying his head into my mess of brown hair.

"Of course," I chuckled back.

"I was thinking cereal." I guess that was payback from all of the times that I poured him soggy bowls of Cheerios when we were first married.

"Cereal?" I said, pretending to throw a fit. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we bought cereal."

"Then I guess no one is getting breakfast."

"Jackson," I replied. "But I'm hungry."

"Okay, okay. I guess I can make you breakfast."

"Oh gee, thank you," I replied nudging him on the arm. I began to run my fingers in lines on his back, and he melted into my arms.

"I have no motivation to go make breakfast if you keep doing that," he told me, kissing my neck faintly.

"Well, I'm hungry and I'm sure your daughter is hungry too."

"Well maybe Brantli and Opie will wake up and make breakfast."

"I doubt it," I said. "They were still up drinking when I finally went to bed."

"Jesus," he told me.

"Yeah, I know," I said, sitting up straight. I did a little stretch and then a yawn before I hopped down off of the bed and made my way over to my suitcase. I grabbed a simple pair of baggy sweat pants and a faded Berkley tshirt. I threw my hair up and threw my glasses on over my eyes. Jax got dressed and we made our way into the living room of the beach house.

I was so happy that I wasn't waking up to shards of broken glass everywhere.

"You want scrambled eggs or omelets?" Jax asked, beginning to rummage through the fridge.

"Aurora won't eat an omelet. So scrambled eggs. And you have to put cheese on the top of it."

"What kind of daughter are we raising?" he laughed.

"Blame your mother. She used to make cheesy eggs for us all of the time."

"What time did her and Nero leave last night?"

"They left early. Ten or so, I believe."

"That is early," I told him.

"Nero's probably gotta be up early. Setting up the bar and stuff. Did you go and talk to the bank yet?"

"I haven't," I said, as I opened up the cabinet to get the coffee container out.

"You should think about going and doing that soon," he said. "It's really easy. I'll go with you if you want to."

"Why don't you ever want to enjoy your last days of vacation?" I asked. "Always thinking about the future and stuff. We are doing fine right now. Don't worry about me. Worry about you and Nero getting the bar open."

"I am," he said, grabbing a mixing bowl from the cupboard. "But you're my wife. I'm always going to worry about you."

"I'm fine. We are good, baby. I promise you. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I just wish the sun would come out."

"Same," he said, cracking the eggs on the counter. I started the coffee as Opie and Brantli made their way into the kitchen.

"Well good morning," I said smiling.

"Don't talk, need coffee," Brantli said, as she grabbed a cup from the counter. Opie took a seat at the table. 24 hours ago she was getting ready to get married to Juice and now here she sat with Opie. Ah, fate. You little bitch you.

"You guys were up late last night," Jax said.

"Someone had to finish up the alcohol," Opie chuckled. "I haven't had a beer in so long, I forgot what one tasted like."

"I know what you mean. The first thing I had after I got off of the plane that brought me back here was a cheeseburger. And it was the best damn burger I've ever had."

"A cheeseburger sounds so good. Is that what you're making for breakfast?"

"No," Jax said. "Dude we'll go out for burgers and beers this week or something."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Opie replied as Brantli handed him a cup of steaming coffee.

"Where's Aurora?" I asked.

"She's still sleeping. I'm surprised. She usually smells bacon and wakes up."

"Then she should be up soon," Jax replied.

"I can't believe how big shes gotten. Looks just like you, brother."

"She's my mini me," Jax said. "I love that girl so much."

"Aubrey, you were going hard last night."

"Please," I said to Opie. "I could've drank you under the table years ago. It just wasn't in the cards last night."

"What's stopping you?" he asked. "I was looking for my shot buddy."

"I gotta watch how much I drink," I said. "I was diagnosed with leukemia last year."

"No fucking way," Opie said. "Goddamn."

"Yeah. I'm okay now! I've been in remission since December."

"What the hell?"

"They caught it in time. I just gotta be careful how much I drink now."

"Why wasn't Clay there last night?" Opie asked.

"Do you not remember anything that we told you last night?"

"Not really."

"Clay's in prison. Facing life. He goes to trial in a couple of weeks."

"The 20th," I said.

"Shit. Whose running the club now?"

"Braison."

"Shouldn't you be running it?"

"I stepped back a little once Aubrey got sick."

"You think they'll let me patch back in?"

"Talk about awkward," I said, trying to lighten up the mood a little bit.

"Why? Juice? Please. Bobby hated me at first too. You didn't see that stop me."

"We would love to have another member, brother. I'll call Braison tomorrow and talk about church."

"Alright," Opie replied.

Jackson began to fry up the bacon in the pan and still no sign of my daughter. She must not want to get out of bed either.

"What are we going to do today?"

"I'm hoping it clears up," Opie said. "Because I need to work on this tan."

"Oh yeah," Brantli told him. "Very sexy."

"Only the sexiest for you, babe."

This was nice. All four of us sitting around, talking and joking and laughing. It was nice to be all four of us again. I couldn't remember the last time we were all together before this. It had to have been at least five years ago.

Before the pregnancy, before the big move to North Carolina, before the cancer, before prison. I wanted so bad to forget all of that and just focus on all of us for a moment.

It was hard to do that though when my daughter finally woke up and made her way over to all of us at the table.

"Good morning sweet girl," Brantli said.

"Morning Auntie Brantli."

"Hi baby," Jax said. "Are you hungry? I'm making cheesy eggs and bacon."

"Yes," she said smiling. "Mommy I thought we were going to go swim with the fishies today."

"If it stops raining baby girl. Did you have fun last night? You sure danced a lot."

"Uh huh. I had lots of fun."

"That's good," I told her.

"Can people stop getting married for a little bit? I don't want to wear a dress anymore."

We all laughed. "We promise."

* * *

As we talked over breakfast some more, there were a lot of laughs shared and a lot of jokes told. And when the sun finally came out, we headed straight for the beach.

Aurora's first time down at the ocean was way better than Brantli's was. She squealed and jumped the waves and we mimicked what she did. We spent the better half of the day down there. It was hard to believe it was a Sunday and that we would have to drive back tomorrow morning. While I wasn't working at a serious job right now, I was working at TM doing a lot of clerical work with Gemma. I wonder how Opie was going to react to his wife being an escort now?

I wasn't going to be the one to tell him.

After we did a lot of swimming and lounging around on the sand, we went in and got changed. We had debated whether or not we wanted to go out and eat, but we had so much food left over that we just decided to eat anything we could find in hopes of it not going to waste. After dinner, I went out onto the deck while Brantli and Jax were on clean-up duty. Aurora even helped them do the dishes so I could have a break. Opie was outside indulging in a dip. I probably was going to throw up as soon as I saw him spit the brown and black saliva into a nearby empty water bottle. I hope he was going to hide that stuff from Jax. I probably would never kiss him again if he did that shit.

"You still do that shit?" I asked him.

"Bad habit I brought home," he chuckled.

I took a seat next to him. "What's on your mind?"

"Oh now you're going to be the one giving me advice?" he laughed. Opie and I had shared some great talks over the years. But it was finally my time to talk to him about life.

"I guess so," I chuckled.

He spit again. "I guess. I don't know, thinking a lot about life. The hand I've been dealt."

"It's not a bad hand," I replied.

"It's not," he told me. "It could have been so much worse. I actually could have died."

"That's not funny," I told him.

"None of you really bothered to open up the casket?" he asked.

"It was a quick funeral."

"I see," he said.

"You have a collage hanging up in TM. Next to JT's and Colton's."

"Thats crazy," he said to me.

"I know," I told him. "You're the reason I came back here. I don't know if I ever would have come back if it wasn't for the funeral."

"How are things between you and Jax?" another spit.

I clenched my teeth to hide the comment I was going to make. "We are doing a lot better now than we were two years ago. We just had to learn that we are still in love and are meant to be together."

"I heard you were seeing someone else for a little bit."

"Jax and I went on a break. His name was Kyle. He was a good guy but not the guy for me. I tend to only like..."

"Outlaws?" he asked.

"I wouldn't call you guys outlaws."

"Well, okay. Bikers?"

"I tend to only love Jax," I chuckled.

"You guys sure move on fast don't you?" he chuckled.

"We try to," I said. "I love Jackson. And I always will. I'll always regret the fact that I was with Kyle. That's never going to change. Like how Brantli will always regret Juice. I don't think Gemma will regret Nero though."

"Shits crazy about Clay. What did he do?"

"Shot a narc officer when we were in Venice beach. All of the guys ended up going in for a little bit. Kind of insane. But it all managed to work out."

"It's hard to believe Clay would ever do that to someone."

"Well, I mean it's his fault JT and my brother are both dead. One messed up son of a bitch. And I like Nero. He's a good guy. You'll see. You'll love him."

"That's what Brantli said."

"How did you really find out that she was getting married?"

"I told you. I went to TM and one of the guys told me where you all were and I sped on the highway to get here."

"So are you done now?"

"Honorably discharged," he told me.

"Well, I mean that's better than being over there and fighting."

"I guess," he replied.

"Something else on your mind?"

"I don't know. Brantli and I are doing okay but it's only been one day. I don't want to fight anymore. How is she really doing, Aubrey?"

"A lot better than she has been in a long time. Today is the first day that I've seen her smile in such a long time."

"That's good."

"Juice is a great guy but they weren't really meant for each other. Not like how you guys are."

"Thanks," he said. "You guys still looking for help at TM?"

"Of course," I replied. "We are always looking for help."

"Good. Because I'm going to need a job," he said.

"You'll have one. Don't worry. And you can take online classes too for a degree. What are you thinking of going for?"

"I don't know yet," he said. "Maybe business. Your husband seems to like it."

"The bar? Yeah, they're renovating the one up on Avenue. The country bar we would always go to."

"Good times there, I'll tell ya."

"Lots of good times."

"I really missed you, Opie."

"I missed you too, Aubs."

"Don't ever leave again."

"Only if you don't leave either. Take care of yourself because I don't know what Jax would do if he actually lost you."

Those words still ring in my ears today.

* * *

After our talk on the deck, we all made our way back down to the beach to blow off fireworks and play with sparklers. This was the Fourth of July that I had been waiting for. The one with all of us again sitting around looking at the colors light up the night sky and the flames of the sparkles dance around in our hands.

How could life get much better than this? All laughing and smiling, joking and listening to old music.

It was the four of us against the world again. And nothing was going to stop us now.


	71. Chapter 71

Out of all of the days that we spent together following that insane weekend, I'll have to sat that July 20th was probably one of my favorite days. It was Friday, for starters. The bar was opening up tonight, too after rigorous months of planning and training and remodeling. And, Clay's trial was today.

I don't know which one I was more excited for, to be honest with you girls. I think all of today was going to be bittersweet and exciting. All of them signaled a new chapter in our lives. A new start.

And new starts were good things right? Well, at least they should be.

9 o'clock that morning signaled all of those new beginnings and how real it all was becoming. I dressed myself and Aurora and made sure that everyone ate breakfast before we were off on our daily endeavors. Aurora would be going to my father's house to hangout with Chrissy and the kids and Jax and I would be going to the courthouse.

The courthouse where Clay would be sentenced to life in prison and possibly the death penalty. I don't wish death on anyone, ever but oh how I wished it on Clay right now. You don't just get to take lives and then have no consequences for it. That's not how life worked. Maybe in Sons, sure. But when you mess with a fellow Son and his family, you would have hell to pay.

Even if the courts didn't grant him the death penalty, I knew Jax was going to kill him. He had said that over glasses of wine one night.

At this point, I didn't care how he died. Just that he needed to die. And soon. So that he couldn't hurt anyone else.

We met Gemma in the parking lot of the courthouse and she didn't mutter words to us. She didn't look at us. She was without Nero, and looked somber today.

Maybe she didn't know about the letters. The plots to kill everyone. Maybe she didn't know about the lies that her husband was feeding her all of these years.

Ex-husband, I should say now. Their divorce had finally been finalized weeks ago, and now she walked without a wedding ring on her finger and her maiden name as Maddock.

Gemma Maddock. I hated it. But I didn't think Gemma Padilla sounded much better either.

As we entered, the courthouse was completely bare. It was still kind of eerie, too. Dilapidated and falling down of course, but it would have to do for now. There were a few people that sat in the benches in the back, and as soon as we took our seats we were joined by a few guys from the club.

Did no one work at TM anymore? Hopefully someone was looking after things there.

I knew it wasn't Juice, because he took off to New York after Brantli and him couldn't get married. He was probably hooking up with Janelle right now, playing step father to her son.

How many more marriages could Juice ruin?

That was kind of harsh, I'm sorry girls. You know Uncle Juice is a good guy for the most part. But still, to this day there is something off about him. And I think there always will be. I didn't trust him with my best friend like I had Opie.

Because they just clicked together.

And now I'm rambling and the trial is about to start. The bailiff called for all of us to rise and then the Judge entered into the courthouse. She told all of us to take our seats and we did. I saw Clay out of the corner of my eye wearing a bright orange jumpsuit looking older than he ever had.

His hair was graying more and his eyes looked tired. He had handcuffs around his wrists and stared at the judge as she spoke.

"How does the defendant plea?"

Guilty.

"Not guilty, your honor." his lawyer asked for him.

Clay you know you're guilty. Maybe they won't kill you if you admit it.

"Your honor, the people are asking for life in prison and the death penalty."

"I see," the judge said.

And then the testimonies started. No one from our benches could stand up and say anything. I mean I could get up there and tell them about the number of times that Clay threatened me or about how he kept letters from myself. How he killed my brother and my father in law. The only man that I would ever call my father in law.

But the court didn't want to hear about all of that.

Instead, we settled for the explanation of the crime scene from Unser and the story of how Officer Donahue was an honorable man. A great father. A fantastic husband. Those were provided by his wife and his two kids.

When the jury came back from deliberation, I saw his wife and children hang onto each other. One of his daughters were crossing their fingers.

"How does the jury find the defendant?"

It didn't take them more than an hour to let us know that "we, the jury find the defendant Clarence Morrow guilty of murder in the first degree."

And then the judge told him that yes, he would be facing life in prison and no, he would not be getting the death penalty.

He would be eligible for parole if he displayed good behavior in about five years.

Our only other hope was that he might die in prison.

When we exited the courthouse as morning turned to afternoon, Gemma made her way over to Officer Donahue's wife. She offered her deepest condolences, but they weren't having it. The wife proceeded to spit in her face, call her a bitch, and walk away. Gemma just hung her head real low and walked off, making sure to avoid eye contact with any of us.

"You okay mom?" Jax asked, as we stood by the Suburban.

"I'm fine, kids. I could just use a drink that's all."

"Well, I'll see you tonight then mom. You can come and get hammered and Nero can take you home after. It'll be great," he said smiling.

"You're hilarious. I'll see you both tonight. Love you."

"Love you too," I called back to Gemma as we parted to go to our vehicle. We climbed in and Jax looked at me.

"I have a surprise for you," he said, putting the car in reverse.

"Ugh Jax, I don't know if I can handle anything else today."

"Yes, but you'll love this surprise."

And indeed I did. Jax wasn't taking me anywhere special, and I knew that as soon as we pulled into our driveway. He opened up an envelope that he had in the glovebox and I smiled at him. On the outside, it read "For Aubrey" and I opened it up immediately.

"What is this?"

"It's a business plan I drafted for you. Well, it's yours. I found it and I finished it. For Little Pink Houses."

My non-profit. My dream. My baby. The place that people that were grieving could go and feel safe.

And under that was a bank statement. A loan. That Jax had taken out in his name for a whole lot of money. And then, under that was a contractor's agreement for a locally owned company in Charming.

"Jax," I told him, looking up into his blue eyes.

"What?" he chuckled. "Aubrey this has been your dream for years. You deserve this baby. The bank had no problem giving me out the loan for you. They know a lot of it is done voluntarily and we are on a payment plan to pay them back."

"I can't believe you," I said, trying to hide the tears that I could have formed any moment.

"Are you mad?"

"Mad?" I asked him. "Jax, I'm not mad at you. This is something that I've dreamed of and now it's finally true."

"I got my happy ending. The bar, I mean I know it's not perfect. But it's ours. It's something that I can pass down if I want to. It's something that will bring us in money. And you wanting to help all of these people and share with them what you went through. Honey that's about as big as dreams can get."

"I love you so much," I said, leaning over to kiss him as I took my seatbelt off.

"I love you, too. You've been by me through this entire bar stuff and I want to help you through all of this stuff for the center. Because you've been my dream. My happy ending all along. And we all deserve it."

"Well, we have a lot to celebrate tonight don't we?" I asked him.

"I guess we do."

* * *

And yeah, girls I guess we did have a lot to celebrate that evening. For years, the bar on avenue had been our sanctuary. I know I don't talk about it too much because it's not really praised for teenagers to be sneaking into the bar. But sometimes, we wanted to get away. And after the first time that Brantli took us, our going our lives weren't really the same. We compared all of the bars that we went to to our old hangout and no place would ever be the same. When the owner shut it down a couple of years back, it told me that my teenage years were truly over. Things around Charming were changing and new businesses were moving in and out all of the time. When Jax first told me about the bar I was a little sad. But as I pulled up and looked around, it felt more like home than ever before. They had done an entire paint job to the outside and fixed the sign on the front. While the old name was long gone, Jax and Nero came up with "The Yellow Ribbon" to pay homage to Jax serving the country. It wasn't like a veterans bar but we sure hoped that was the crowd that we were getting most nights.

Even if it was the war veterans dressed in kuttes.

They all love the name change. The overall feel of the place. There were a lot of good things planned for this evening. We had drink specials going on as well as dinner specials. And then a late night happy hour and half off appetizers for the people that craved to be out late.

You know, the teenagers that snuck into bars like we did when we were younger.

Inside, it didn't look the same. But in a good way, I guess. The walls were re-painted a soft gray color and the bar was re-finished. Behind the bar was completely stocked with spirits and a new draft system had been put in to make sure our beer was nice and cold.

Fireball Whiskey had even been a sponsor to add in a chilled shot system, so that every ounce of Fireball came out at 34 degrees exactly.

Because who wants a warm Fireball shot?

Upon entry, I took a seat at one of the nearby leather bar stools. The DJ was setting up his equipment for the night and Jax was doing last minute inventory counts of the liquor. It was all shaping up to be so good.

"I'll have one of everything," I chuckled, as I sat a $20 down on the bar.

"You're gonna need more than that," he replied, turning to face me. He wore a tight black tshirt and jeans and slicked his hair back. Who did he think he was. Elvis or something?

He looked hot though so it didn't matter. Whatever brought in money was the motto that I had for this evening.

Jax made me a drink. He swung the bottles behind his back and did a fancy motion with the shaker.

"It's the Unit 517. Vodka, cranberry juice, and a hint of orange flavor too."

"Impressive," I replied as I took a sip. It wasn't half bad. I didn't like vodka too much but Jax was just trying to be a sweetheart.

He was getting better behind the bar. I guess the long hours of watching the movie "Cocktail" and analyzing all of the scenes and movements really was starting to pay off.

"You think it's going to get packed?"

"Of course. I've got Opie coming in in a little bit. I have Nero in the kitchen setting up. Two more bartenders are coming in. We have this under control, baby. I promise."

"I'm gonna go grab a table and wait for Brantli and your mom to get here. Good luck baby. Let me know if you need anything."

"You just worry about enjoying yourself this evening."

If you girls have ever seen the movie Cocktail (and if you haven't, ask your dad about it. I'm sure he would be more than happy to sit down and watch all of it with you. Tom Cruise isn't my favorite but this movie is stellar. It's worth the watch) then you pretty much know what it's about. A guy returning from the Army and has hopes and dreams of going to business school but finds talents behind the bar and becomes one of the best bartenders in the world. Jax and Nero and Opie had, like I said, spent hours in front of the television working and practicing their skills on anything that we could find at home.

At four new glass sets and many broken bottles of alcohol, they had began to get the basics down. And rule number one of owning a bar is you want to pack it.

And that's just what happened the first night that The Yellow Ribbon was opened. I mean, the place was jammed wall to wall by 6pm.

As Gemma, Brantli, Alyssa, and myself sat at our table facing the bar, we could tell Jax was making a lot of money. The drinks were coming out fast and the food was excellent.

But despite all of the good things going on here, Jax had to ruin it by hoping up onto the bar. He cued for the DJ to turn the music down and got all of our attentions with a load whistle.

"Good evening ladies and gentleman. I want to thank all of you for coming out here tonight on behalf of the staff and the owners. I will be your head bartender for the night, accompanied by Opie and Brittany. I wanted to say something before we got into full swing though. I wanted to start by letting you all know that I am the last bar man poet."

"Oh dear God no," I said, burying my head in my hands. He wasn't going to get up and quote something from a movie. I looked at Gemma and Brantli, Alyssa, then I looked at Opie and Jax.

I had prayed that he wouldn't say this. Wouldn't make a fool of himself. But here he was.

"As I was saying, I am the last barman poet. I see Charming drinking the fabulous cocktails I make. You Californians getting stinky on something I stir or shake," some of the girls in the audience began to hoop and holler and I wanted to punch their teeth in if they even made a pas at my husband. "The sex on the beach! The schnapps made from peach! The velvet hammer! The Alabama slammer! I make things with juice and froth: the pink squirrel, the three-toed sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy. The iced tea. The kamakazi. The orgasm!" Jax looked at me for that one and kind of did a sexy smirk. When the laughter and applause died down, he continued. "The death spasm. The Singapore sling. The dingaling. Charming, you've just been devoted to every flavor I got. But if you want to got loaded, why don't you just order a shot?!" he poured a small shot of blackberry brandy into a glass and chugged it down. "The bar is open!"

I'll have to admit, he was no Tom Cruise but he did the poem well. As he hopped back behind the bar, he was in his element. And nothing could be greater at this moment.

We left the bar late that night. And late as in midnight when we had to shut down because we were too damn exhausted and everyone left. Jax had taken my car back to the house and we hopped on his bike to ride back towards TM.

* * *

The guys had slated church for later that evening. I made my way into the sacred clubhouse arm and arm with my husband. He disappeared off into the back room and I broke old lady code by listening in.

I guess good things come in fours. Clay getting sentenced, the loan and business plan being approved, the Yellow Ribbon opening, and now this.

Jax would be getting voted in as president and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop it.

I should have, but I didn't.

See girls, there are a few sides to Jax Teller and I have learned to accept all of them with open arms through the years.

The first is his romantic side. The side where he shines as a husband. The second, the father side. Then the business man side. The loving side. The real side. And then, there is the leadership side in which Jax really strived at.

"There are a few new votes on the table," I heard Braison start off the service as I smelt the strong aroma of weed in the air. "The first is to promote Jax as president. Since Clay is no longer with us, the spot rightfully belongs to Jackson Teller. We will take vote."

I heard all of the guys go around the table and say "Yes." and then I heard Jax get up. He cut the patch off of Braison's kutte and held it in his hands. President. We all knew it would happen one day, I just didn't think so soon.

He appointed Opie as vice, Chibs as Sgt. at Arms, and Bobby kept his namesake as secretary. My brother was second secretary and the rest of the guys stayed the same.

Poor Tig. He wasn't anything special now. Just one of the guys, I guess.

After all was said and done and the patches were handed to the rightful recipients, I heard Jax bang the wooden gavel against the plate in the table and most of the guys dispersed outside.

There's an old picture of Gemma and JT that's hidden in storage. I stumbled across it a lot when I was younger and still finding out what SAMCRO was and what my place was in this family and the rest of the world.

I can see fourteen year old Jax sitting across from me on the Teller's spare bed all of those December 23rds ago, when he first told me that he was going to be president.

History needs to be re-written and I hoped to God that someone had a camera. As I entered into the walls of the room, Jax was sitting at the head of the table. I wrapped my arm around him, so that I was barely touching his chest.

I could never look like Gemma and Jax would never look like JT but somehow, in that moment I saw Gemma oeer her head around the corner. She looked at us, gave a nod, and just smiled.

Because that's the thing about moments. You don't treasure them until you know they're reality. And this was our future.

SAMCRO, cancer, Aurora, the bar, the center. Whatever life was willing to throw at us we were accepting right now with open arms.

Open arms and heavy hearts, I guess. Because that picture will always stick with me. That night will always stick with me.

I might complain about Charming and talk about how many times I don't want to be here. But this was my future. My dream. We would take over Sunday dinners and Jax would be gone a lot more now but it's nothing that we haven't been through in the past.

And until you live this life, you won't know it.

I think Jax's real dream was always to be president. It's all he ever knew.

And the president side? The outlaw side? Well, I loved that side of him too.


	72. Chapter 72

There are so many things that I can say about how fast four years fly by. And it's true. Ferris Bueller once quoted that "life moves pretty fast sometimes. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it."

As we near the end of the story, girls and begin the life that we live now I want you to know that everything that I have done for you both makes me love you so much. And I know that you might not always agree with the decisions that I have made or the path of life that I have chosen for not only myself but you girls as well, but just know that I did it out of the good intentions of my heart.

So, I guess you could call this part two: the present day. Because in 2010, my life was going to be twisted and turned upside down.

And, well I guess you could say that it all started with the glorious camping trip that we went on.

It was Brantli's idea. "Leave Aurora at home and let's go have fun. Let's have a weekend to ourselves."

Because in between raising a now eight year old, running a bar and a grief center, being an old lady, and doing anything else in my life I didn't have time to look around and wonder about how I got here. How I finally got to a place that I felt comfortable and that I loved.

How did four years just manage to fly by? I'll tell you. Life does move pretty fast sometimes. And once you blink, it might be over before you know it.

Anyway, back to the camping trip. We pawned Aurora off on Gemma and Nero for the weekend and they weren't too happy about it. Hell, they haven't been happy about anything that Jax or myself have done in a long time, but I was so sick of Gemma Maddock judging me.

Well, Gemma Padilla now. She was on her third marriage.

It had happened late last spring. To be honest, I'm sick of writing about weddings to you both. I feel like life should be so much more about love and death and as I reflect back on parts of this story, I realize that that's a lot of what I wrote about.

But sometimes, it takes love and death to get to the places that we want to be at right now. It takes courage and it takes family to get you there and keep you grounded.

I don't know what we were doing going camping in the middle of January anyway. Only crazy people did this kind of stuff. Luckily for us, California was not a victim of snowfall this winter so it was a mild 50 degrees outside when we pulled up to the cabin waiting for us.

Our cabin. The SAMCRO cabin. The cabin where Jax and I had spent homecoming night of our junior year, the cabin where the guys went to escape, and the cabin that Jax once declared his love for me. The cabin where he had turned it into Santa's workshop that Christmas and many more Christmases after that.

We had planned the weekend out perfectly in our heads. We would spend Friday night catching up, Saturday we would spend fishing and seeing what else we could get our hands on, and Sunday we would spend it so hungover that we wouldn't be able to walk.

Maybe then we would look around and wonder what this whole crazy life thing was about.

* * *

Friday night was probably my favorite night that we spent up there. I couldn't remember the last time that we all sat around talking calmly about what we had going on. Jax and Opie built a fire in the small ring outside and Brantli and myself were in charge of prepping the food that we would eat that evening.

Hobo pies, s'mores, hot dogs, chips. You name it, we had it. Oh and beer. Lots of beer.

As we all sat around the campfire, Jax hooked up the small stereo and began to blast an old Skynyrd album out loud. It took me back to the days of being sixteen and carefree. The songs still touched me, even now when I was nearly 32.

"So, what's up?" Brantli said, kick starting the conversation for the evening.

"I don't know what to say," I laughed. "You normally have a hat of questions or something."

"I don't have that tonight," she giggled. "Just wanted to catch up with old friends. So what's the word? What's been going on?"

I guess I should tell you both that Brantli and Opie decided to move to the outskirts of Charming, away from all of us. Opie bought Brantli this gorgeous house on Sunset Lane in Opakanowa, California. It was only five minutes from the border, but that meant it was twenty minutes away from us and from the life of Sons of Anarchy. Jax had needed his VP and Opie still held true to the patch that he wore on his kutte. They just wanted a bigger house. A nicer house. If they ever had kids or anything like that.

Kids. That thought had been put to the back of my mind. Jax and I have tried so hard for the past couple of years to get pregnant again. After many failed attempts, we were going to give up on it altogether.

Monday morning, I had an appointment to get my tubes tied. And while it hurt to know that I would never become a mom again, I knew that maybe I could adopt. I could give someone a home that didn't have the luxury to grow up in one.

"Nothing really," Jax replied. "Just the bar."

The bar, which had taken off like lightning. We were doing amazing and had managed to earn back our investment plus some. Finally able to buy new vehicles again, designer purses, and make sure that we were living comfortably.

I didn't really buy designer purses. I had never been that kind of girl. I had been, but I didn't want Jax to know I guess. I didn't fuss much over not having the best clothes or the best shoes. As long as I could provide for my family, I was happy.

"How's the center?"

The center, too. And now I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you guys. Just thought I should touch base on some things.

The center, too had been a long and tiring journey. But when it was finally built in May of 2008, we welcomed in anyone with open arms.

I had met a lot of people along the way. Some military wives that have just lost their husbands, people going through addictions, girls that were attempting to kill themselves that didn't fit in at school. Kids that had just lost a parent or a friend. A little older gentleman that lost his wife of 65 years and that one broke my heart. He had been a regular with me and probably was one of the nicest men that I have ever met in my life. He talked about Judy like Jax had talked about me all those times to strangers up at the bar. Little Pink Houses was a vision and a dream. And although we weren't making money off of it because our sole profits relied on donations, we were still able to keep it going.

And I think that's what I loved most about helping people. Because in the end it's not about the money. Rather, it's about the lives you have touched.

"It's going great," I smiled. "I'm really proud of it."

"I'm glad," Opie replied.

"I don't think I've ever known what not to say around you guys. It's like I'm at a loss for words or something."

"I know what you mean."

"Life is just going too good."

"How's Juice?" I asked.

Well, Juice had ran off to be with Janelle and brought her back to Charming. And then they divorced and she took everything. It takes a special kind of person to be an old lady.

He had tried to beat up Opie but please, they didn't work. Opie checked him and put him in his place long ago.

"He's fine I guess. He's doing pretty good."

"That's good," I replied.

"You guys are boring."

"Life is boring."

"How's Aurora?"

"Made honor roll for the first semester."

My daughter was smart. I don't know who she got that from, but she loved school. She loved to read and learn about science. She loved history, she was on the dance squad. She might look like Jax but hell if she didn't act like me.

I was raising myself. She would talk back a lot, she would sometimes lie to my face. She was stubborn and impatient. But I loved her. She was my daughter. And I guess that I would always love her no matter how many times a day she would piss me off.

"I know you have flash cards with questions in them."

"I do," Brantli ended up chuckling. "I have a ten too."

"Do you have rolling paper? Shells?"

"Both," she said, digging into the pocket of her hoodie.

Jax began to roll on a nearby log and we continued to listen to the music. Brantli crumpled up the pieces of paper into Jax's navy blue trucker hat and shuffled the hat back and forth.

"You come prepared, Winston."

"Ah, well I try," she chuckled and handed the hat off to Opie.

Brantli and myself both declined the blunts, yet the guys began to smoke away. I chugged down two beers and Brantli sipped on a nearby glass of water.

There was something up with her. Something good? Something bad? I don't know.

"What's your favorite flavor of shit sandwich and does it come with an olive?" Opie asked to Jax. "What is this supposed to mean?"

"It means what rough patches are you willing to tolerate," Brantli answered. "So, like my favorite flavor of shit sandwich is loneliness. We all go through rough patches, why not have one with an olive?"

"Woah. Questions getting deep over here."

"Something to get your mind wandering I guess. I mean, I can't ask you what your favorite movie is a million times. Because I know it's Die Hard."

"I hate that movie," I chuckled.

"So, Teller. What's your favorite flavor of shit sandwhich?"

"Failure. I don't want to be a failure to anyone. Not my wife, my daughter. My club. Nothing. I set out goals that I have and I want to accomplish those goals and if I succeed, then I have done a pretty damn good job."

"Does it come with an olive?" Opie asked.

"Of course," Jax replied, as he grabbed a piece of paper out of the hat. "Aubrey, what is true about yourself today that would make 8 year old you cry?"

"Oh man," I started. "Probably the fact that I never really got back into writing like I did when I was little. I would write all of these little poems and stories about some far off land and I'm sorry that I never went to school for that. I guess 8 year old me would cry because I'm not a journalist like her dad was. That I didn't get to chase those dreams and that dreams change from the time you are 8 to 18 to 33," I grabbed a piece of paper from the hat and turned my attention to Brantli. "Brantli, what makes you forget to eat and poop?"

"Hahaha. That's a good one," she laughed. "I guess just every day in general. I'm wrapped up in dance lessons or vocal lessons and I just forget to have dinner or I have to seriously remember if I went to the bathroom that day. I'm not proud of it. We get so caught up in work that we forget the silly little things that we should have done during the day," she grabbed a piece of paper from the hat and faced Opie. "Op, how can you better embarrass yourself?"

"By going back to school," he said without hesitation. "I looked into it a million times but I don't want to be the tough ass that's going to school after almost fifteen years of being out of it. I don't want to fail. I don't want to eat a shit sandwich so I guess I just live through life curiously asking myself if I should go back to school."

"It's never too late," I told him. "I was in my twenties when I got my masters."

"So? I'm almost 33. I can't go back to school and sit there and watch all of these eighteen year olds around me."

"A lot of older people go back. It's really never too late. I promise."

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied, grabbing a piece of paper from the hat. He asked "how are you going to save the world?" to Jax.

"How am I going to save the world? Well according to Aurora I have multiple times," he chuckled. "I guess just staying grounded. Always being on my toes and making the best decisions when it comes to deals and stuff like that. One wrong deal and it could put all of us in jeopardy."

"Good point," Opie said.

Jax grabbed a paper out of the hat. "Gun to your head, if you had to leave the house all day, for one day, where would you go and what would you do?"

"I would go to Europe. Travel around Germany and Italy, France, Ireland. I would absorb the culture and try to get as much in from those countries as I could. I would travel for days and not come home until I understood my own heritage as well as how people in other counties are."

"Lame," Jax joked and I shoved him a little bit.

"Where would you go?"

"Jamaica," he said. "It's where we would have went on our honeymoon if we ever had one. I would have loved to go there and just stick my toes in the water and plant my ass in the white sand. Smoke all day, listen to Marley covers and the waves at night. That's paradise to me."

"And you're calling me lame?" I joked, grabbing a question from the hat. "If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered?"

"Uhm?" Brantli started. "I mean I guess I would want to travel. There's a lot of things on my bucket list that I haven't crossed off yet. I would want to be remembered just as me. As Brantli Winston. The stubborn girl that chews her food too loud and the girl that loves all of you. I guess I would want a celebration of life. Nice words said, of course."

"Good one," I said, setting the hat into Brantli's hands. There didn't appear to be any other questions so we began to make the food that we had brought out.

So much food. I felt like I could eat for days and from the amount of food that Brantli consumed, she was obviously starving.

"A beer sounds so good right now," Brantli said to us.

"Have one," I replied.

"I'm watching my weight. I can't drink beer."

"When have you ever been concerned about your weight?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just started to be all of a sudden."

"One beer isn't going to kill you."

"Yeah, but it would harm the baby."

I didn't mean to laugh, but I did. I laughed really loud actually. No way. No fucking way was Brantli finally pregnant.

"What did you just say?" Jax asked her. He looked at Opie, then back at her.

"Damn you," Opie laughed.

"This asshole got me pregnant," she said, smiling.

"Oh my god," I spoke. "You guys are going to be parents?"

"Yeah, we are. I'm about eleven weeks along."

"Brantli!" I squealed. "Oh my god, you're going to be a mom. Oh my god!"

"Yeah, well. Yeah," she smiled at me.

I got up and gave her a huge hug. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," she laughed.

I guess my favorite type of shit sandwich was jealousy. Because I was never more envious of anyone more than I had been of Brantil in that moment.

* * *

The rest of the weekend went as planned. We fished in the hot sunlight on Saturday, went four-wheeling on some abandoned track, talked about life and love and all that we have done to get ourselves to that point. We talked about the baby and had hoped that everything was going to go good for the both of them. Opie said he was terrified but I reminded him of the good job that he has done with Aurora and that seemed to help a little bit.

We talked about names, about painting one of the spare rooms a yellow color because they didn't want to know what they were having until the day that Brantli would give birth came about.

I was still in awe and a little sad too. Aren't best friends supposed to get pregnant at the same time so that their kids could grow up together and be best friends?

Jax and I made love practically all of the time and I wasn't pregnant. It just wasn't in the cards for us.

Coming home that Monday, I knew something was way off. We went together for my doctor's appointment and looked a little sad and wayward. I was a little discouraged that I couldn't give Jax another child. We had always talked about having so many, and we were a little too far behind right now.

St. Thomas still sucks though. Especially because all of the staff knows who I am. A nurse came and took my blood pressure and drew some blood, took my height and weight and then scurried off to get the doctor that would be performing the operation.

And when they told me that they couldn't do it, I thought the worse. I thought that the cancer had come back and it spread to my entire body now and that I was going to die. I guess that's why I hated the doctor's.

"I'm going to go get your husband and we are going to set you both up," she said.

When Jax came in, he looked really sad actually. A lot sadder than he had been all day up to this point.

Then she pulled out an ultrasound machine and began to rub the cool, blue gel on my stomach. It was freezing, but I thought she might be able to get a better look at the tumor that had crept back into my body.

"Aubrey and Jax, look at the screen for me."

Why did people think surprises were cool? I hated them. And when we looked at the screen, oh what a surprise we did have waiting for us.

I thought Jax might faint. I thought I might faint. Because the one thing that we had tried so hard to do had finally came true.

"Congratulations, mom and dad. You hear that? That's your baby's heartbeat. You are going to be parents again."


	73. Chapter 73

There was no way. There was no way. No freaking way that I could have been pregnant.

I was stunned. I was shocked. I was spooked.

But damn, was I excited. I was beyond excited to become a mom again.

I just wish someone would have told me before I started pounding shots this weekend.

And drank a ton of beer.

Oh beer. How I would miss you these next seven months.

I was already two months along. Two freaking months. How is it that I had no idea that I was pregnant? We had tried for so long and yet it finally paid off. Because the mission was accomplished, I guess.

"We have to tell Aurora," I don't know why those were the first things that I said but they were.

Jax and I took a seat at our kitchen table with the sonogram pictures in front of us. "I think she's going to be excited."

"Were you excited when Gemma told you that she was pregnant again?" I asked him, reflecting back to old times with Thomas.

"I was," Jax smiled. "But then again I wasn't eight."

"Very true," I replied. "She's going to be so mad."

"Why?" Jackson asked.

"Because she's not going to be our little princess anymore," I replied.

"She'll always be our little princess, baby. She'll always be our first born. Hell maybe we will have a boy."

"I don't know if I can handle a little Jax Teller running around," I chuckled. "What if we have another girl?"

"Then we have another girl. Babe that's not what's important here. What's important is that you and the baby are both healthy. And that I'm going to be here through all of it."

All of it. I don't know if Jax knew what he was getting into.

Because first I would start puking every single morning and for an hour at night. I would start to ache all over. My boobs would get huge again, my feet would swell up. My stomach would look like I ate a basketball because I would eat everything in sight. I would go into labor for hours and he would have to deal with the screaming and the pain. He wasn't here for the birth of Aurora, thank god because nothing had ever been that painful in my entire life.

And I had seven tattoos. And those were nowhere near as painful as childbirth.

But there would be so many good things too. Picking out the name, painting and decorating the nursery, and then the fact that after all of that pain we would look down at the love that we made in both of our arms and we would just smile. Smile and know that this was our baby and that we were going to be amazing parents again.

"We should have a party. I mean, both Brantli and myself are pregnant. We could do a combined announcement party. We could have professional pictures taken and announcement cards made and..."

"Woah, Aubs. Chill out. A party is great. We can close off the bar and do it there or we could do it at the clubhouse. Whenever."

"Then I want to do it tonight."

"It's a Monday night."

"So? It's not like people have to work tomorrow. I'm just too excited Jax and I want to share the news with everyone."

"I'm excited too baby. But let's pull back the reins here for a moment. Why don't we do it on Friday? Aurora will have off school and we will have time to do it on the weekend."

"Because I want to do it tonight."

"You're starting to get really moody."

"I'm allowed to be. For the next seven months I am allowed to be an emotional wreck and be stubborn."

"More stubborn than you already are, right?"

"Of course," I chuckled. "I'm allowed to wake you up at 2am and ask you to go down to the grocery store for cookie dough."

"No you're not," he replied laughing.

"Oh yes I am."

"You're the one that got me pregnant."

"It takes two to tango, baby girl."

"So party. Tonight. Call Nero and tell him. Please," I replied, flashing him this little puppy dog smile and matching eyes.

"Uh huh. Whatever you say," he replied.

"I love you!" I yelled, as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to give Nero a call.

"I love you too crazy girl."

* * *

After hours of going back and forth debating if we should have a party or not that evening, we decided against it. So, I decided to cook a real nice dinner for Jax, Aurora, and myself. We would tell everyone else later, I had guessed. Including Brantli. It was so hard for me not to pick up the phone and call her. Was there some kind of girl code against not sharing baby news when both you and your best friend were expecting?

I'm still looking for an answer to see whether or not this is true, girls. It would be helpful if you girls could both know for the future.

You know, when you're thirty and have a house and a good job and are married. In that order, please.

Anyway, Jax had decided that we make a really nice pasta dinner for Aurora and him and myself that evening so I slaved over baked mostacciolli, salad, and homemade bread for that evening.

Gemma had dropped Aurora off at the front door and when we called for her for dinner, she walked out in her jeans and plain tshirt.

She was almost as tall as me. At eight. I didn't know if she had hit a growth spurt and then was going to just stop growing or would outgrow me all together. Maybe she would get that gene from Jax. Or maybe I was just incredibly short.

"Thanks mom," she said, taking her seat at the dinner table across from Jax. She had her little glasses on her eyes and her now blonde hair was done up in a ponytail.

"You're welcome," I told her, taking a seat at the table across from her. We began dishing out the food and Jax looked at me.

"So how was school?"

"Boring," she replied.

"Did you learn anything?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course. We are working on multiplying numbers right now."

"That's good. I always hated math. Your mom was so much better at it than I was."

"Hard to believe," she replied, pouring way too much ranch dressing on her salad.

"It's true. I always liked history and your mom liked math. And English."

"That's where I must get it from," she chuckled.

"Yeah, absolutely," Jax told her, smiling.

"How was your day?" she asked the both of us.

"Kind of boring."

"Why aren't you at work?"

"They don't need me until later."

"Oh," she said, shoveling the food in her mouth.

"Actually, that's something that we wanted to talk to you about honey. Something that happened today," I replied.

"Did the cancer come back?" she asked me. I had been pretty open with her as she began getting older about the illness that would forever haunt me.

"No, no. Honey. Nothing like that. It's good news, actually."

"What is it then?"

"Well, you see sweetheart. Do you remember all of those Christmases ago when you asked for a little sister?"

"When I was like six?" she asked, her eyes getting wide.

"Yes," I told her.

"Uh huh," she said.

"Well, honey. You see mommy is having a baby. So you'll be getting your little brother or sister here soon."

"What?" she asked me. "What are you talking about?"

"Mommy and daddy are having another baby."

"That's cool," she replied. "Am I going to have to share my room?"

"No, honey you won't have to," I told her. "The baby will have his or her own nursery and bedroom."

"That's exciting. Congrats," she said to us.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Mommy, where do babies come from?" she asked me.

I saw Jax nearly choke on his food out of the corner of my eyes. I felt like I could gag at any second.

I had to think of something. A stork? Heaven? Something. Anything. I couldn't have the sex talk with my daughter. At eight. I wasn't going to do it.

"Uh, well..."

"See, Princess when a mommy and daddy love each other very much," I kicked Jax's leg under the table to get him to stop talking. But, he ignored it and continued. "They order a baby from the stork. And the stork comes and puts magic beans inside of mommy's tummy and she has the baby. It takes a couple of months though."

"So I was a bean?!" she exclaimed.

"Yes. But so was I and your daddy, nana and abuelõ. We were all beans."

"Oh okay. I understand," she replied.

No, Aurora. You didn't understand but that was okay. One day when you're much older we will have this talk again.

"Can I be excused please? I have to do literature club homework."

"Sure, honey that's fine," I told her. She got up and pushed her chair in and began to walk towards her bedroom door.

"A stork?! Magic beans?!" I exclaimed to Jax.

"I couldn't think of anything else!" he whispered.

"Well, great cover up. I hope she doesn't ask your mom."

"Would you relax, baby? You're fine, she's fine. We are all fine. It'll be okay I promise. I panicked. I'm sorry."

"Its fine," I replied.

"Do you need anything before I head off?" he asked me.

"No, I'm okay. But thank you," I said, kissing his cheek.

"If you need anything, call me."

"I will. I think I'm just going to watch One Tree Hill then head off to bed. I'll see you in the morning. Have fun at work," I replied, getting up to start cleaning the kitchen. Jax threw on his old leather jacket, grabbed his keys, then rushed out to the car.

* * *

I wish I could say that the next time that I would see Jax would be that morning. However, when he called my cell phone waking me up, I knew that I would be seeing him a lot sooner.

When I talked to Jax, it was if he was in a panic. He was flustered and seemed to be pissed and I had no idea what the hell was going on.

But all I knew is that it was something bad and we needed to get down to the clubhouse immediately.

Why did bad things keep happening just as life was starting to get good?

* * *

**A/N: So sorry for the delay! I've been working a ton now that I'm on spring break and Wednesday was the anniversary of my dad's death so I've been a wreck too. I know this isn't a long chapter but there will be way longer chapters to come. As we are nearing the end of the story, please let me know if there is something that you want to see happen. It makes me so sad that it's almost over. A big thank you to everyone that has been there from the beginning and all of my new readers. You guys are the best. Love all of you!**


	74. Chapter 74

The crazy thing about SAMCRO is once you're sucked in, you're there for life it seems like. When something happens inside of the club, you can sometimes feel your heart just shatter into pieces.

And I guess that's what mine did as I made my way inside of what was left of the clubhouse that evening.

I wouldn't even say evening because it was well after midnight by the time I managed to wake up my sleeping daughter, get her dressed, and make our way out to my SUV.

In all honesty, the place looked like it had been ransacked. Bottles were broken, the main table and couches in the rec room were flipped over, the table in the opposite room had been flipped over and the legs had been taken off. The collages that once sat on the wall by the bar of both Colton and JT were completely broken and some of the pictures had been ripped off. JT's old bike had been flipped over and kicked, the cabinets in the guest rooms were all gone through and everything was taken out of it.

I just watched as the guys all stood around, cleaning up what was left of years of memories made here.

We all knew after tonight that nothing would be the same.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, as I found Jax amongst the guys and kissed his lips faintly.

"I have no idea. We think the Feds might have gotten in, but then again it could be anyone."

"Juice maybe? Did you guys piss anyone off recently?"

"Thats our job, sweetheart. To piss people off," Tig said, as he walked by and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He picked Aurora up and did the same to her, and sat her back down on the ground. "You wanna play a cool game?"

"Yeah!" Aurora yelled in a giddy voice.

"It's called clean up. Whoever can sweep up the most of the dirt and other things on the floor wins a prize."

"What's the prize?"

"Fifty dollars," he said, smiling as he pulled a crisp bill out of his wallet.

"Mommy that's a lot of money right?"

"It is," I told her, and smiled.

"Okay I'll play," she said, grabbing the broom out of Tig's hand.

"Keep your shoes on baby. I don't want you stepping on glass."

Brantli and Opie were the next set of faces that I saw walk through the door. They looked tired and worn from the sleepless night that I bet they both just endured. But I was happy to see my best friend.

"Holy hell, what kind of tornado ripped through this place?" Brantli asked, making her way over to us once we flipped the table and couches back over.

"If I knew I would tell you," I replied.

"Is everything destroyed?" Opie asked, taking a seat at one of the flipped over bar stools.

"For the most part. But it's repairable," Bobby said, making his way over to us with a broom full of broken glass.

"Goddamnit," Opie replied. "And no one was here?"

"Guys were up doing a deal in Stockton, you and I were at work. Your old man is up at the cabin. Yeah, I'm thinking that no one was here," one of the new prospects, Happy, said as he began flipping over and dusting off bar stools.

"I'll go start working on the filing cabinets in the guest room," I said, getting up from my seat.

"I'll join you," Brantli said. We could both feel the rage and the tension in the air as we made our way to one of the back bedrooms.

"My gosh," I said, entering into the room that Jax and I would always share when we were teenagers. Paper was strewn all over the floor: pictures, condoms, empty cigarette packs and Copenhagen cans. I didn't even know where to start.

Brantli and I sighed as we opened up a trash bag and began going though everything. Why did someone decide to do this? On a Monday night no less."

"You think it was Juice?" I asked her honestly.

"It could be. But why? He decided to get the hell out and join the other charter up in Nevada and move on with his life."

"Maybe he has some unfinished business here."

"Don't say that. It scares the living hell out of me," she says, picking up one of the papers and placing it back in the filing cabinet.

"I know," I replied. "And to think you're bringing a child into all of this."

"That scares me more," she laughed.

"Well, you're not alone," I told her.

"I know," she said, smiling. "Thank you so much for that. I know you're going to be here as much as I need you to. And I know that you and Jax wanted so bad to have another baby. And that things just didn't work out that way and I am so sorry for that."

"Actually," I chuckled. "Jax and I are having another baby."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "What are you talking about?"

"Apparently I'm about five weeks along," I said to her.

"Oh my god," she replied. "Oh my god. You're going to be a mom again. Our kids are going to be best friends."

"Yes they are," I chuckled. "See. I told you you weren't alone through this."

"It still scares me though."

"You've got this. Don't worry about it. Anything you need, I'm right here for you," I replied.

It was a long night, cleaning up the mess at the clubhouse and returning back to work that following morning majorly sucked. I was beat up from the long night that we had had and tried so very hard to get back to a normal routine that morning.

* * *

On my way to work, I got a phone call that would change my entire day. It was Gemma, and her voice sounded sweet and sincere but needy. Very needy. And worried sick. I turned the car around, called my assistant Katie, and told her to go ahead and handle everything for the next couple of hours.

Despite my need and want to help people, I think my family needed me more right now. And no matter how much I honestly couldn't stand Gemma at this present moment in my life, she sounded like she really needed me.

There have been many points of my life where I have been in need and she has came to my rescue.

As I pulled my SUV into their long and winding driveway, I saw Gemma and Nero sitting outside with coffees in hand. I joined them and offered hugs to both before we made our way inside.

"You hungry? Thirsty?"

"No," I chuckled. "I'm okay."

"I heard about what happened last night. I'm here to just let you know some things that I've kept. I would rather you hear this from me directly than your husband."

"When did you speak to..."

"Early this morning. Before work. While he was taking Aurora to pre-school."

"Oh," I replied. Jax had always had an earlier start than I did during the day. I was my own boss and lived by my own rules and time schedule. And now with the constant sickness that has taken over me every single morning it was a good thing that the center didn't open until 10:30.

"And I don't want you to be made at me, Aubrey. That's not why I'm telling you this."

"So start. Tell me. Why did the invasion happen at the clubhouse last night?"

"It was Juice."

"I knew it. I fucking knew it. But why?"

"He's been a rat. He went and told the ATF what went on here and they began to look through everything. It wasn't because of Brantli, either. It was because of Clay. Clay hired Juice as an outside force to go and spy on all of us. He was the one that halted the letters. He was the one that went through all of them and opened them and told Clay what they said from Jax. It was never just fully Clay. It was he and Juice. And I'm such an idiot for making this all about them and that I kept it. But I'm sorry."

"That's not the only bad thing that Clay has ever done, Gems. And I want you to know that. I want you to know that I am telling you this because I don't think your son can. I don't think that he is in a place right now to tell you any of what I am going to let you know. The night that Colton was killed...that was supposed to be Jax. Clay ordered a hit on Jax and Colton ended up getting in the way. And he killed JT. He was the one that worked on JT's bike. He was never the one to work on it. Only Bobby. That's it. And Bobby was out and Clay did it."

"Who told you all of that?" Gemma asked me. She looked stunned.

"Jax found these letters from JT and a woman named Maureen Ashby while JT was here and Maureen was in Belfast."

"Holy fucking shit," Gemma replied.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't know any of it."

"I didn't. But it makes me think a lot more. A lot more about the future of this club."

"They've gotta get the hell out of guns, Gem. That's as simple as I can put it," I said.

"I know. My god I know. And they will. They have a couple big meetings with the Irish and..."

"Before anyone else gets killed or goes to jail, please."

"They will, honey. They will."

"I hope so. Because I can't feel comfortable bringing another child into this world knowing that their father can be taken away at any second. But I guess that's the price of being an old lady."

"Another child?" Gemma asked with a wide smile on her face.

"Yeah, congratulations grandma."

"Oh my goodness," Gemma said. "Another baby?"

"I know," I told her. "I couldn't believe it either."

"I'm so happy for you guys."

"I'm happy, too," I said to her.

"I know we might clash a lot, but I want you to know that I have always stood by you and Jackson. You both are the light of my life. I want nothing more than you to be a big happy family."

Isn't that funny? Because I want the same thing.


	75. Chapter 75

_Aurora and Harley,_

_It saddens me that I am nearing the end of this story for you girls. It's sad and yet it's bittersweet at the same time and I don't know which one hurts more. The fact that this might all that you have to remember me by or the fact that there really is an end to the story of your father and I._

_Because all good stories have to come to an end._

_Except for this one. Because I'm not quite done telling the story of your father and I._

After that night at Gemma's house, I would hate for me to lie to you and tell you that it was smooth sailing from there. But it wasn't. So I guess I'll sum it up the best way that I can. The easiest way possible that will lead me to 2015.

I guess I could tell you that once Jax found out that Juice was a rat, they ended up finding him and burning his ink off of him.

I guess I could tell you that they ended up killing him, too. There was no fancy funeral and there was no collage put up in the clubhouse to commemorate him by.

I guess I could tell you that Brantli gave birth to her son, Brayden Nicholas on a sunny Wednesday afternoon and she wept because she had a boy and didn't want him to turn out like any of our favorite guys. He looked just like her: blonde hair and gray blue eyes. The most handsome little man that I have ever laid eyes on and I was so happy to call him my godson.

And I guess I could tell you that nearly two weeks later, I gave birth to you, Harley Rae. It's a funny story, actually because your name was supposed to be Hayley and somehow the Y and the R got mixed up and when we looked at it all we could do was laugh.

The labor for you, Harley was way worse than Aurora by far. I'm sorry to tell you that. It's like you didn't want to come out or something. And the pain. It was some of the worst pain that I have ever endured in my life. It was so painful, I broke your father's hand. Which was kind of funny, but at the same time it wasn't.

Because through the sweat and the tears, the doctor's laid you on my chest and you were one of the most beautiful things that I have ever laid my eyes on. Your little green eyes and your little finger wrapped around mine. Your father might have had a broken hand, but it didn't stop him from holding you and weeping when he did so. Because you were his little girl and now he was responsible for two lives in this world.

I guess I could tell you that everything in life was happening so fast. Because in 2013, on my 36th birthday, Jax had set up an 80s themed party for me. It was to be held at the same ballroom that Gemma's reception to Clay was at. And I was taken back by the entire thing.

People came dressed as different 80s stars. Jax decided that it would be cool to go as Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing. He wore the complete outfit: black dress pants, black tshirt, and slicked his hair back.

I wore her famous pink dress and curled my hair a little bit. Everyone was in bright colors and old songs played overhead. You girls wore little leggings and we teased your hair and your wore off the shoulder shirts and cute little bengals on your wrists. I couldn't believe that you were two, Harley and Aurora, you were already eleven.

Have I really been a mom for that long?

It's hard to think about sometimes, when you are a mom for that long. You start thinking about all of the bad things that you've done in your life and then the good things too. About how both of your daughters were healthy and happy. Aurora loved the role of big sister and Harley, you loved her for that. She took good care of you and protected you no matter what.

Even if Aurora was way too old for her age. 11 going on 21 should be more like it.

Once the party started going more, Jax pulled me up on stage and we danced to "(I've) Had the Time of My Life" from the movie. It was kind of cute because we tried to keep it right in line with everything. Jax had of course always been romantic. And that was the part of him that I loved more than life.

* * *

And when it all wound down for the evening, Jax told me that he had a present for me. Brantli watched both of you girls as Jax took me far away to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. When he opened up the bulky pull-up door, I was in complete shock.

"Happy birthday," he told me, as I saw Clay staring me in the face.

"What's this?" I asked, confused.

"Well, I thought revenge might be the sweetest present of all for you. Clay got out on good behavior, but we felt like a man as dangerous as him should not be allowed to walk the streets of Charming. Don't you think?"

"No, I agree."

"So, here," he said, handing me a gun.

"What do you want me to do with this?"

"I want you to be the one to kill this son of a bitch."

"Jax I don't know how to fire a gun," I tell him.

"It's really easy. Watch," he said, pointing the pistol at Clay's leg and shooting him. I felt kind of bad, seeing Clay hanging from ropes in the middle of the garage. He looked like he had went through much worse pain before. His tattoos, much like Juice's, were burnt off and his eyes were beginning to roll to the back of his head.

"Why did you do it?" I asked Clay.

"Why did I do what?"

"Kill my brother," I say, grabbing the gun out of Jax's hand. We knew if anyone ever found him, they would have to think it was suicide.

"Go for the head," Jax told me.

"Because it wasn't meant for Colton. That was an accident Aubrey and you know it."

"I don't know it. I don't know that you didn't have some inside motive and plan to kill Colton. He loved you and he loved this club. Was killing JT an accident too or did you plan that out?"

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I'm so sorry."

"Save it. Your time is way over," I say to him, as I point the gun at his head. Jax grabbed onto my waist and places his hands over mine on the trigger.

"You don't want to do this."

"Yes we do. Because you wanted to kill all of those close to us and now, your life deserves to end too."

I felt my thumb pull down and with one booming sound and shot to the head, Clay was dead.

That was probably the best birthday that I've had in a long time.

* * *

When I was told that the cancer had come back nearly a year later, I couldn't believe it. Jax and I just sat in the doctor's office as he told me the bad news. Stage four. It had began to spread and nothing that we did could stop it from happening.

I guess this was karma getting me back from killing Clay. But it was the worst kind of karma.

As the days grew longer, you girls began to just grow before my eyes. Now 5 and 14, it hurts me that those were the last birthdays that I might be here for. There were so many things that I still wanted to do.

And I guess that brings us to now. In May of this year, Jax had found my bucket list tucked away in a novel beside our bed. There were too many things on there that I had yet to do. I wanted to travel. I wanted to see you girls grow up and graduate school and get married and become moms yourself because there's no greater joy in life than becoming a mother. I'll tell you that first hand.

"Aubrey, why don't you come out to the yard with me?"

"Jax, I can barely move," I tell him. And it's true. While this time around there wasn't any chemo, there was just hints of the cancer taking over all of my organs and making me weak beyond compare. But, Jax picked me up bridal style and carried me out to the yard. There were a couple of chairs set up occupied by Opie, Brantli, Gemma, and Nero. A small wooden bridge had been built in front of us.

"Where are the girls?" I asked him. "And Brayden?"

"You'll see," Jax smiled, as he took a seat next to me.

Aurora came out moments later wearing a little sundress. She smiled at me, and read aloud from the piece of paper in front of her. "Teller Theatre is proud to present Mommy's Bucketlist as told by her daughters and godson, Brayden. Happy Mother's Day, mamma. We love you so much."

I completely forgot that it was Mother's Day. In between endless doctor's visits and leaving the center in the hands of Brantli, I had forgot a holiday that my girls always make a big fuss over. We all clapped aloud at our seats, as Harley drove her Barbie Power Car out to the yard. Aurora hopped into the passenger's seat and smiled at both of us.

"Harley, you need to check your mirrors."

"Check," she said.

"Is there anything coming behind you?" Aurora asked her, as both girls flipped their heads around.

"No sissy."

"Okay, good. Now go forward and then make a right turn."

Harley drove forward a little bit and then made a right, then a left, around the yard. When she came closer to us, Aurora had her stop the car.

"Congratulations Ms. Teller. You have earned your driver's license."

"Oh thank you!" Harley yelled out loud.

I couldn't help but laugh. The girls dissapeared for a moment and then came back out. In front of my eyes, they were acting out everything that I had wanted to see them do in their lives. The end of the production brought tears to my eyes. As Jax stood up to read aloud what he had wrote, I saw my daughters walk out in our old graduation caps and gowns. They were way too big on them, and Brayden was dressed in Opie's old gown that was dragging through the grass of our backyard.

"Welcome to the Teller High School graduation. Today we honor those that have accomplished high school and are moving on to bigger and better things in their lives. "Our first graduate is Ms. Harley Rae Teller," he said, as my youngest daughter and the one that looked like a little mini version of myself walk across the bridge to her father and accept her diploma. "Harley plans to go to Berkley, like her mom and become a school teacher because school is her favorite place in the world."

"Our next graduate is Mr. Brayden Nicholas Winston," Jax said, as Brayden walked carefully over the bridge to grad the piece of paper from Jax and flip his tassel to the other side. "Brayden plans to go to the United States Army like his father and his uncle Jax."

"Oh okay, son. Keep dreaming," Opie said to him as Gemma shut him up.

"And our last graduate is Ms. Aurora Sara-Beth Teller," I saw my eldest daughter walk across the small bridge to accept the piece of paper from her father and flip her tassel to the other side. "Aurora plans to go to the University of Southern California for oncology."

"I want to treat cancer," she tells us but I know that she is referring to me. "Because no child should have to grow up without a parent."

When they threw their caps up in the air, I couldn't help but sit there and cry as Brantli held onto me. Seeing my kids and Brayden and Jax take a bow as we stood up to clap was something that I wished I could see for the rest of my life.

Because Aurora was right. No kid should have to grow up without a parent. But my kids were going to grow up without a mother. And that was the most bittersweet goodbye of all.


	76. Chapter 76

There's a Clay Walker song called "Fore She Was Mamma" that hit airways back in the early 2000s. When I heard it for the first time, I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed because I knew that I would be caught dead if my children ever found out who I was before now. I knew that they wouldn't like me very much and then they would go ahead and justify every wrong doing by saying "Well, mom did it when she was my age."

And that was what was facing me in June.

My days were becoming numbered now, and Jax decided that we needed to do a getaway for the weekend. He had rented us a small beach house out in Venice and we went there for the weekend. Over small talks and food that I couldn't taste, we reminisced on all of the good memories that we had down here and couldn't believe that this was all coming to an end for us. And then we got a call from Gemma that said there was a party going on at our house.

Aurora, I'm not mad at you. We might have been mad for a little bit about the fact that there were thirty kids at our house unsupervised drinking alcohol. You were only fourteen and should not be doing that at all.

But I guess I had a right to tell you about all of the times that I did that. Especially when you decided to bring up old memories of the past.

"You and dad did it when you were my age!" you yelled with mascara running down your face.

"So? That was so much different back then! And how do you know it anyway?"

"Harley and I were up in the attic and we found all of these old pictures and letters. You lied to me for so many years, mom and dad. You told me that dad was a superhero. He's nothing but some gang banger and a soldier."

"That's enough young lady!"

"What are you going to do? Ground me?!" she asked.

"You're damn right I'm going to ground you. You were supposed to be watching your sister this evening and you decided to deliberately disobey us."

"Whatever. At least now I'll get to sit here and watch mom die."

That hurt. That really hurt.

When I made my way to your room that evening, I let myself in after knocking three times. "Why do you bother knocking if you're just going to barge in anyway?"

"Honey, I'm sorry," I told her.

"I'm sorry too mom," Aurora said to me. "I'm stupid, I know. I'm sorry. And I should be home now instead of being out with my friends. I haven't spent very much time with you and I'm so sorry."

"I was a lot like you when I was younger. I had all of these dreams and I wanted to change the world and be a mother. I have made a lot of mistakes along the way."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

"I love you very much honey. And the last thing that I want you to do is regret the fact that I was your mom."

"I don't regret it. I just don't think it's fair that you're the one that has to die. I don't understand it."

"I don't either honey. But everything in life happens for a reason."

"Mom, those pictures. The letters. What did everything mean? Is it true that dad has killed people?"

I don't know if it's because of the letters or because she remembers Jax walking into one of her birthday parties with blood all over him and all I could do was ask him to wash up and change.

"Honey it's complicated. I don't think I could explain it if I could."

"Thats alright."

"Get some sleep honey. I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

That night promoted me to write this for you. It's mostly for you, Aurora but one day I want you to read all of this for your sister. She's too young and fragile to know that your dad is not a superhero that goes out and saves lives.

So I guess this is where it ends. After nearly three weeks of writing all of this down for you, I leave you with some motherly words of advice. My mom used to tell me some of these things and I feel like it's my duty to tell you both. I love you both so much and I don't know how I am going to pass away and not be able to see you turn into the wonderful woman that I both know you can be.

My teacher and oncologist. My loves. My precious daughters.

Here's what I will leave you with. It's called "101 Things that I will Teach My Daughters" and I hope that Aunt Brantli and grandma will be able to help you with these things.

1\. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2\. A properly fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3\. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4\. How to apply red lipstick.

5\. How to wear the shit out of red lipstick.

6\. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7\. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8\. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9\. Love the world unconditionally.

10\. Seek beauty in all things.

11\. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12\. Wear sunscreen like it's your second job. We live in California, girls. The sun out here is no joke.

13\. Try with all your might to stay in contact with far-away friends. Those friends we made down in Myrtle Beach have crossed my mind many of times and how I wish that cell phones and Facebook were alive and well back then.

14\. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15\. Walk with your head up. In front of the guys, your grandma, the mean bitches at school. Always walk with your head up and look damn good doing it.

16\. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17\. Never, ever bite your nails. Please for the love of God don't do it. I promise you when your nails are long and you can paint them pretty pink colors.

18\. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather jacket, and sneak into a bar somewhere.

19\. Learn from your mistakes that night. Or, any night that you go out honestly.

20\. Dental hygiene is not a multiple choice. I'm looking at you Aurora who forgets to brush her teeth after eating Oreos at night.

21\. Your GPA is not a confession of your character. I promise your father will love you even if you have a 1.6. If you're a good person, you're a good person. End of story.

22\. There is strength in breaking down. And this one I know all too well.

23\. You don't have to like yoga. Because I hated it.

24\. Pick a tea. My favorite is sweet because I'll always be a southern girl, but hot tea is good too. It might taste like dirt but try it with lemon and honey. You'll love it.

25\. Take care of your feet.

26\. Pick a perfume. I reccomend Chanel No. 5

27\. Even if you're tall, wear heels anyway. You do see how your Aunt Brantli rocks the shit out of them, right?

28\. Classy is a relative term.

29\. Drink whiskey if you like whiskey. Don't listen to your dad when it comes to this. Stay with Fireball. But don't drink too much.

30\. Drink wine if you like wine. It's delicious. I promise.

31\. Like what you like.

32\. Offer no explanation. For anything girls.

33\. Advil and Gatorade. If you're going to drink, make sure these two things are greeting you the morning after for the hangover that you are about to have.

34\. You are no less of a woman when you are in sweats and gym shorts that you are in stilettos and a pencil skirt.

35\. A woman is a woman is a woman.

36\. Love your fellow woman with all of your heart and soul. Learn from Grandma and Aunt Brantli. They love you and love them right back.

37\. Cry, inhibited, with your friends. I can't tell you how many times Aunt Brantli and I did this together. We have been through so much. You don't find friends like that anymore.

38\. Laugh until you can't breathe with your friends. Many nights like this, too and those were always my favorites.

me everything. The cemetery is not that far, I promise. And when you look up at the nighttime sky ill be there for you the best that I can be.

40\. Exercise to be strong and healthy. A strong soul needs a sturdy vessel.

41\. There is no shame in hoping for love.

42\. My cooking is the best cooking. Please miss it because there was a time when I burnt water.

43\. Do not take sex lightly. I repeat this over and over. Don't have sex just to do it. Do it because you're in love.

44\. I mean it, girls.

45\. Any Nicholas Sparks novel that you can get your hands on, read it.

46\. The world spins on the principle of inherent tragedy.

47\. Do not be blind to it. Ever.

48\. Men are effectively idiots until the age of 26. This I have known to be true.

49\. Carbs are not the enemy.

50\. Involve yourself in an organized activity of your choosing. I chose cheer. If this is what you want to do, do it and I promise you will love it.

51\. Listen to classical music occasionally. This goes for classic rock and classic country too.

52\. Take hot baths.

53\. Do not use bath salts. They are the devil.

54\. You are more than capable.

55\. I promise.

56\. Don't smile if you don't mean it. People can see right through that shit.

57\. Mean your anger. Mean your sadness. Mean your pain.

58\. I am always, always listening.

59\. Travel.

60\. Get stuck in a foreign country with $4.67 in your bank account.

61\. Make me furious.

62\. Make me worry.

63\. Come home smelly, tired, and with a good story. This goes for nights out, sleepovers, and concerts.

64\. Your story isn't really yours.

65\. You are a compilation of other's stories.

66\. Well-fitting and modest is ALWAYS sexier than too small and tight.

67\. Who cares if glitter isn't tasteful?

68\. It's too much eyeliner if you have to ask.

69\. Learn to bake for when you're sad and I'm not here.

70\. Humility and subservience are not symptoms.

71\. Wash your face twice per day and never go to sleep with your makeup on. Ever.

72\. Be gentle with your skin.

73\. Science is really cool.

74\. So is literature.

75\. And history.

76\. And ugh, even math.

77\. There is no substitute for fresh air.

78\. Carry your weight.

79\. Make up for it later if you can't.

80\. That salad is not better than pasta and it never will be. Sorry.

81\. You're fooling no one.

82\. Find at least green vegetables that you can tolerate.

83\. A smoothie is not a meal.

84\. Expect the best from everyone. Especially your dad.

85\. People will let you down.

86\. Bask in the sun (wearing a sun hat and SPF 90.)

87\. There is a certain type of man that you need to avoid at all cost. I would tell you not to marry a man like your father, but I can't say that. Because I love your father.

88\. You'll know it when you meet him.

89\. What other people say is right doesn't always feel right.

90\. What feels right is always where your happiness is.

91\. Give thoughtful gifts.

92\. Form an opinion. For everything. Food, music, movies, politics.

93\. Stick to it.

94\. Exfoliate in moderation.

95\. Argue with people when you need to.

96\. If it's worth fighting for, fight fiercely.

97\. Don't fight for acceptance.

98\. You shouldn't have to.

99\. Take pictures. Always. Of everything.

100\. Follow your bliss at all costs.

101\. Chocolate ice cream, however might be a permanent fix.

So, that's it. The story of the badass biker boy and the girl that loved him fearlessly. We have been through so much together and to say goodbye would hurt me so much. I want to thank you girls for being the best daughters that a mother could ever ask for. Here's to knowing that we will meet one day again and you can tell me about all of the things that you did in your life and how I was right, how I was a good mom, and about how all of the life lessons in this story have paid off. Until then, just know I will never be that far away.

* * *

I shut the teal colored journal in front of me, held onto it, and cried my eyes out. I didn't think anyone would hear me, especially because Jax was supposed to have left for work a couple of hours ago. I saw him greet me at the doorway with a smile on his face and that just made me cry more.

"What are you doing, Aubrey?" he asked me.

"Crying," I said, laughing between the tears.

"You gotta stop that, babe. You're going to make me cry."

"I don't want to say goodbye to you. How am I supposed to do that?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he replied.

"Is everyone coming over later?" I asked him.

"They should be, yeah. What is that in your hands?" Jax asked, making his way into the bedroom.

"I wrote the girls a story."

"What kind of story?"

"The story of us."

"Aubrey," he said.

"Just a little something for them to remember me by," I replied. "Don't worry. I portrayed you as a superhero and the guy that got the girl in the end."

"I love you crazy girl."

"I love you too, Jax."

"I'm gonna go. Start getting stuff ready for tonight."

"Okay," I replied, placing the notebook on the side table.

I figured that I wouldn't write letters for this goodbye like the many that I went through in my life. I hid a lot of my life behind letters to people that I loved so much. And that's not how I wanted to say goodbye to anyone.

* * *

The first and hardest person that I had to say goodbye to was Opie. It's stung my heart as he made his way into the bedroom that afternoon. He was dressed in his kutte and a pair of black jeans. A bandana sat on his head.

"Hey you," he replied.

"Hi Op," I replied, as he came in and took a seat in a nearby chair.

"We have had a lot of good talks, haven't we?" he asked.

"We sure have," I said, smiling.

"I can't believe any of this is true, Aubrey. The fact that you won't be here anymore for talks and jokes."

"I can't either Opje. But we all have to go sometime."

"I remember the first time I met you. I pushed you down in the dirt and thought you were a bitch because you were spending all of this time with my best friend and I didn't get to do that anymore. And I missed him and he seemed so happy now with you."

"I remember that," I chuckled.

"You guys have really built a life for yourself, didnt you?" he asked.

"It took a long time, but yeah we did," I chuckled.

"I just want you to know...I am going to take good care of him, Aubs. I know you love him with every ounce of life in you. And you always will. I always knew you guys would get married. And you guys have this love that people would die for."

"I know, Opie. I know."

"I can't believe this is the last time I'll ever see you. I mean how do you know when you're dying? Do you feel it?"

"Kind of," I tell him. "You get really weak and you're unable to move. And then your whole body just kind of shuts down."

We were silent for a moment. "I love you, Aubs. I always will. Thank you for bringing happiness to my best friend. Because I don't know if he'll ever find it again."

"He will. In time."

"So am I supposed to give you a hug and say goodbye now?"

I chuckled. "No, but will you tell your wife to come in here please?" I asked.

"I will," he said. "I'll miss you, Aubrey."

"I'll miss you too, Opie."

Brantli came in moments later, and she couldn't stop crying. It took her awhile before she calmed down, and when she did all I could do was smile at her.

"What the hell am I going to do without you?" she asked me, inbetween sobs

"I don't know," I told her. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

"Are you scared?" she asked me calmly.

"Not anymore. I was at first. But now I've just accepted it."

"I just. I'm at a loss for words."

"It's okay," I replied.

"No it's not okay," she told me. "God damnit, I just don't understand. Why do bad things have to happen to good people?"

"It's a part of life, I guess."

"Ugh," she said to me, cuddling up next to me in the bed. "We have so many good memories together."

And as she started to list them and we laughed, it really did bring me back. To a time before cancer and a time before my girls. A time before the crazy life that I went through.

"My girls love you," I told her.

"I love them, too."

"Please help Jax raise them. Please. They aren't going to have me around to teach them right from wrong and how to put on makeup and how to fall in love and it saddens me but I know that you will be down here taking good care of them."

"I will, Aubs. I promise you."

"You're a good mom, Brantli."

"You're a good friend, Aubrey. I don't want to say goodbye to you."

"Remember when I was leaving for Arizona? You said the same thing. You didn't want to say goodbye to me and it was just a see you later. And it is this time too. Because I will see you later and I will be saving a spot up there for you."

* * *

After a couple of hours of talking and tears shed, Opie came in to take Brantli home. She held onto me the entire time and just didn't want to let go. I was losing two best friends with me dying. Two best friends that I knew were going to help my husband out so much. I mean honestly what more could you ask for?

That following morning, it was time to say goodbye to my girls and my husband. I said goodbye to my girls together. I figured I would let the both of them cry together rather than have to do it separately. It's sad that I planned all of this out in my head.

"Hi mommy," Harley said to me as she jumped up onto my bed.

"Hi angel," I said in my now horse voice.

"You look beautiful, mom," Aurora told me as she took a seat at the edge of the bed.

"Thanks Aurora," I replied. "I have something for you girls," I told them, as I grabbed the journal from the nightstand.

"What's this?" she asked me.

"It's a story of how your dad and I met. Our life inbetween. I know you guys found the pictures and probably have a lot of questions but in here it will answer all of them."

"Thanks mom," Aurora said.

I brushed Harley's brunette hair away from her green eyes and kissed her cheek. "We have been through a lot this past year. And I want you both to know that I love you so much. The thing about mommy's that go to heaven is that she is always going to be with you right here in your heart," I said. "And your daddy loves you so much. He will do anything for you. Please listen to him girls. He is only trying to raise you right and teach you the ways of life. I will always, always be with the both of you. I know you are both going to grow up into beautiful woman that I will be proud to call my daughters."

Once our tears ended, they made their way to the living room. It was later on in the night before Jax came into my room.

"I guess it's my turn now, right?" he asked me.

"I guess so," I smiled at him.

"I can't do it, Aubrey. I can't say goodbye to you."

"I can't say goodbye to you either, Jax."

"You're my wife and my best friend. The only thing that I have ever done right is love you."

"That's not true. You're a great father and a kickass president. No one in the club has died. You guys are out of guns and no one got hurt. I'll say you guys are doing a damn good job right now."

"I love you so much, Aubrey. You know that? And I know I haven't shown it but I do. I love you to the moon and back and then some. And you were the best wife that a guy like me could ever have."

He kissed my lips softly, then with a little more force. It took all of my energy to kiss him that evening and I'm glad it was spent on something like that.

"Why is that?" I asked him.

"Because you believed in me when no one else would. And for that amount of courage and belief that you had for me...I'll never be able to get that again."

"You believed in me too, Jackson. And I love you so much baby. I know you'll take good care of our girls."

"I will."

"I love you, best friend," I told him. "I always have. And I always will."

"I love you too, best friend."

I'm glad that we believed in each other. If we didn't, who else would have?


	77. Chapter 77

**One Year Later**

You died on a Friday, with all of us around your room holding your hand. Harley was the one that heard your heart stop.

And you know what we did for you, crazy girl? We decided to ring the bell to make sure that the wings that you would acquire guided you up into heaven.

Into heaven. I still can't get over the fact that you are no longer down here with me, Aubrey. I have loved you since I was seven years old and that hasn't changed even now when I am almost 40.

What are you supposed to say when your wife dies? Are you supposed to say that you are going to miss her? Because well, I am. I'm going to miss you so much. With all of the bad things that I have done in my life, I was blessed to get a woman like you in my life.

And I know you're stubborn and good willed. You have this huge heart and everyone loves you.

And now everyone gets to miss you, much like I'm going to.

I'm sorry that you never got to see your dreams come true. That you didn't get to cross off every single item on your bucket list. You won't get to be here for the hardships and good times to come with the girls.

I think Aurora is hurting the hardest. Harley is still too young to know any of it, but my gosh did they love you. They worshiped you, Aubrey Nevaeh. They loved the hell out of you.

And now it's just me. And something isn't right here. It's always been Jax and Aubrey. And now it was just Jax and my heart has this hole that I don't think anyone could ever fill.

We did the normal funeral stuff that we always do. We made a collage for you and framed it to hang next to your brother's in the clubhouse. I bet you're happy as hell that you're seeing him again. I know he was probably up there waiting for you.

Your funeral happened that following Monday. We held it at the clubhouse. Many people got up and said nice words, our daughters sang a song for you, and we did many of toasts.

Everyone was there. And you would have loved it.

As the weeks drag on, I find it hard to get back to life as I knew it. Nero and Gemma have been a huge help and so have Brantli and Opie.

I'm so sorry that you never got to say goodbye to my mom or Nero. They just couldn't make it home from Cozumel in time. They took a red eye home when I called to tell them that you passed away.

I know you left a letter for my mother, and I gave it to her and watched as she wept. She might have been a hard ass but God did she love you. I don't think there was a single person that didn't love you, Aubs. Because if they didn't, they were insane.

There's a letter here. And I'm holding it in my hand as I write to you. It's hard, but everyone at the center said that if I'm feeling lonely I should write to you and so I'm doing that. I've also got a beer open and half of a cigarette burning away in the nearby ashtray.

Thought I might create that picture to let your memory have a fun time. I remember when beers and cigarettes were something that we partook in together.

I should probably stop smoking. But it's my crutch. And I don't think I could get rid of it quite yet.

I don't know why it's take me nearly a year to read this letter. Maybe because life as I knew it was ending and I wasn't ready for what was happening next.

Aurora enrolled in high school that following fall, and loves it. She's a good student and even on varsity cheer squad. And guess what? Svecky's son is her homeroom and English teacher. I thought that was kind of funny and maybe you would laugh at that.

Brayden and Harley have become quite the item! They're in first grade and both love school. I just hope they don't fall in love with one another. He hasn't asked her to watch Peter Pan yet. I'll keep you updated if they do.

I don't know what else to tell you. The bar is good. Club is good. All of the guys miss you. We'll be in church and someone will say your name and it'll take me back to all of the times that you would wait outside for me to get done so that we could go grab a drink or go home and makeout on the couch together.

I might be an outlaw, but I'll never regret kissing you and loving you the way that I did. Like any man really should.

I place my pen down on the ivory piece of stationary and sigh deeply. I chug a little bit of my beer and smile as I rip open the envelope titled "My Superhero" on the front. It smells like your perfume and I run my hands over the legible cursive writing. I have missed that smell more than I have missed anything in this world. I find myself buying bottles of it and spraying it around the house sometimes. Especially on our bed, the place that we have made love and the place that I watched you slip away from me. But I don't think about that, as my eyes begin to dance over the page and a half letter that you wrote me. It's dated in May of 2015 and it reads:

_Dear Jackson,_

_When you asked me to watch Peter Pan with you when we were seven, did you ever think that I would be writing a goodbye letter to you? Probably not, and here's why: people say that our love could never die._

_And how I wish that was true._

_Jackson, my dear sweet husband we have really been through so much together. From our days playing behind the tree in your mom's backyard to homecoming, to our big trip that we took when we were seniors, to 9/11 to the birth of our daughters, two weddings, prison. I could go on and on._

_Obviously, if you haven't figured it out I'm writing this to you because I have passed away._

_I thought I should throw some of my smart ass ways in there._

_But the thing is when they tell you that you only fall in love once in your life, they mean it. I fell in love you with you once and then all over again as each year passed._

_31 years is a long time to fall in love with someone and I would do it all over again if I had to._

_Over coffee one morning, you asked me if I was scared to die. And I'm not. I have to embrace it because "only the good die young" or some crazy shit like that._

_But that's a load of crap because for the past 31 years I have loved you and now I don't get to do that anymore. I don't get to see your blue eyes everyday greet me in the morning and go through our normal routine. I don't get to see you interact with our daughters and I don't get to see you cook dinner or cuddle up with me when we watch our television shows at night._

_It's not fair, because people get way more than 31 years together. And we only got three decades. And that's not enough to love someone._

_Our song was always "I Cross My Heart" and in those words were life vows to one another. A song that perfectly painted our lives together._

_I'm so sorry that we will never get to sit on our porch when we were 80 and watch our daughters play with their kids. It pains me to have to let you go, and I wish it didn't have to be now._

_But death is on its own clock and it doesn't wait for anyone._

_I have loved you since I had pigtails in my hair and that ugly gap between my teeth. I have loved you at my worst and I have loved you at my best._

_If it wasn't for you believing in me, I don't think I could have loved you at all._

_As you carry on with your every day life, please know that I'm not that far away. I'm the sunshine in your hair, the shadow on the ground, and the whisper in the wind._

_I will always love you, Jax. You're my best friend. And how could I not?_

_Love our girls as much as you loved me. They worship you. And they always will. Make sure they go to school, say their prayers, celebrate every holiday. Make sure they fall in love, travel, go to college and pick careers that they love._

_Hold down the fort there, Jackson. And when the wind is blowing through your hair on the open roads in California and you're on the back of your bike, know that is me guiding you through your travels._

_Here's some advice for you that my mom told me so many years ago when she passed. Give this to Aurora and Harley because it will be words that they will love, too._

_"Be a best friend, tell the truth. Overuse "I love you." Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense. Never let your praying knees get lazy. And, love like crazy."_

_Love always,_

_Aubrey Nevaeh Teller_

As I folded up the piece of paper and tucked it into the pocket of my kutte, I just looked around the kitchen and I sobbed.

Aubrey, I think I will miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning skies.

Because no matter where I am, I will miss you and cannot wait for the moment that we can reunite again as not only husband and wife, but as best friends as well.

I hope heaven is beautiful for you, because you have made my life beautiful for years.

I promise to take that advice and pass it onto our girls. I'll give them a hug and a kiss and tell them that I love them.

Here's to hoping that they both find a love as wonderful, beautiful, and as crazy as ours one day.

* * *

**A/N: I just want to say thank you to all of you for the past couple of months. I ended the story because it was just being too drug out and the point was to focus on the life that her and Jax had growing up. You guys have been the best and it pains me to not write about their life anymore, but I think I did it good. Thank you for honoring and loving this story as much as I did. Without you all I would have given up a long time ago. **

**Xoxo, April**


End file.
